It's hard to believe that it's been a year and a half since I graduated from college. That's such a long time...and yet it doesn't feel like long at all. However, it feels like my life is slipping away from me just a little bit, and I don't get quite so many chances to indulge my random, senseless fun side as I did when I was in college. Without the ability to plan fun, random dorm events or engage in fun, random conversations with many and varied people, my life has lost some of the sparkle that it used to have.
I still have it better than a lot of people my age, or at least I think so--I've run into a couple of former classmates while home who have already been married and divorced, or who now have kids, and I have so many more options and less responsibilities than they do. And I still have a lot of fun, and I get to engage in infrequent but wildly memorable random acts of happiness, such as Coachella, or drunken watching of 'The Chronicles of Riddick,' or Germany vs. Austria night. I also have great plans for the new year...Claudia and I (and hopefully Ritu and Marco) want to go to Coachella again, and I want to have a 'Black Death' feast in April, and I have hopes for other fun activities. And of course I have the Shrimp or Feet game, which adds a lot of vim and vigor (and marinated duck tongue) to my life.
I guess my biggest fear, though, is that my friends are slowly maturing past my threshold of optimum craziness. Perhaps maturing isn't the right word...but they are slowly accruing responsibilities and relationships that make continued zaniness hard to achieve. Or, they are moving away, which makes them less useful for my purposes. When I'm thirty-five, I'd like to believe that I will also have a family to think about, rather than fun-filled trips to nowhere, but what if I don't? I can't just hang around college campuses forever looking for younger people to plan stuff with...but I also can't really kidnap my friends for extended periods of time to satisfy my needs.
Ah well, everyone has to grow up. It really is true that logic will break your heart...the cold hard facts of modern life, when looked at objectively and without false hope, are enough to dampen the enthusiasm of even the most idealistic individuals.
However, life is still good in Iowa; my family is really ridiculously functional. The four of us ate dinner together and then played a game of hearts, just like we did last night. So, I really can't complain at all. But, this idyllic little scene of familial 'perfection' makes me realize that it will be even harder for me to find a relationship and, ultimately, a life that will satisfy me, when there are so many ways that things can go wrong and so few instances where love works out. And it's those perfectionist tendencies, at the end of the day, that cost me the most.
Anyway, don't mind me, it's almost the end of the year and so it's a good time to reflect on what has come before and what may come in the future. Have a safe and happy New Year's Eve, everyone!
1 comment:
i know this is an OLD post- like 4 years old.
but what you wrote rings true today.
seriously, i don't think there's anything wrong
with wanting to have lots of fun (your optimum level of fun as you put it) and still be an 'adult'.
you're just an evolved adult.
one who understands that you can be in a committed relationship, career driven and still take spontaneous road trips with friends, go on last minute ski trips, have grand adventures, be silly, want more excitement and thrills in your life and it doesn't all have to be mundane or all planned out.
i've been watching my friends, and as they get older, whatever they were like normally before said partner, is how they eventually are even when totally committed, regardless of the job or person they're seriously committed to, UNLESS they are whipped and just change which always sucks.
but i definitely think it takes work to organize your life around a lifestyle that encourages whimsicalities (is that even a word?) and a sense of adventure...
for instance, work in the office hard... but when you leave, you LEAVE. once you get home, do not do work unless its a super imp, assignment on deadline or something like that.
otherwise you will burn out. and always, always remember, lifes too short, it should never be about the money, and do what you want and what will make your proud of yourself, years down the road...
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