Tuesday, April 25, 2006

just waiting for the daylight to come crawling in on me

I'm about to go home, since I'm about to fall asleep at my desk and I can no longer figure out what any of my graphs mean or how to at least make them pretty enough to obfuscate the complete lack of coherence. Since I had to meet my manager at 7:30am today, and it's now half past midnight, I'm not exactly a happy camper. I get to do it all again tomorrow in preparation for a major presentation at nine a.m. on Thursday, and then I intend to leave as early as possible on Thursday and drink something alcoholic, provided that I don't fall asleep on the way to the pub.

I found myself on the verge of tears tonight without realizing why. Then, I listened a little more closely to the music pumping through my headphones, and realized that Radiohead's '2+2=5' was playing. I haven't heard that song in months, if not years, since I haven't listened to Radiohead much since Walter stopped riding in my car and switching my CDs in an effort to avoid 95% of the crap that I regularly listen to. Anyway, '2+2=5' (and, in fact, most of the 'Hail to the Thief' album) is indelibly imprinted on my subconscious mind because I listened to it on constant repeat while I was working on my thesis during that awful two weeks in May of my senior year; in fact, I distinctly remember listening to 'The Gloaming' for nine hours late one night while I was alone in the Meyer 24-hour study room. So I think that my mind heard the unique opening of '2+2=5', recognized the intense level of pain and fatigue that I am currently in, compounded that sensation with the stress I currently feel over when and how this project will be completed, and rebelled at the fact that I am now back to the same level of misery I felt while writing my thesis, only without the mental reward of doing something for the greater knowledge of mankind. I think the threat of tears was a last-ditch effort by my subconscious to lodge a formal protest over my current state of affairs, but I promptly beat it back into submission and began working again. Yay.

Now, though, it's time for me to go home and go to bed! Thirty-six hours from now, the first major phase of my project will be done, and I can relax for a few minutes or something.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

you'll pull through!