i can't live with or without you

I'm pretty sure I lived two days today - the first day was sober, productive Sara, and the second day was drunk, Adit-inspired Sara. That's not fair to adit, and it also removes all of my own agency from the situation, but as shorthand for what happened, it's not so far off.

The day started quite ominously; I spent a couple of hours having nightmares about running from the Gestapo, which are never pleasant and always, if I'm being honest and vaguely weird, make me wonder about past lives and whether there's a reason why I'm rather obsessed with the European theatre of WWII even though both my grandfathers were in the Pacific and I really could care less about the Pacific front despite my close personal connection to it. The Gestapo caught me, but just as I was getting out of the nightmare, some sort of blackbird or raven or something started crowing outside my window at 5:45am and didn't fucking stop until it was time for me to get up. I seriously considered going outside and stoning it to death, but I figured my neighbors would call the cops rather than congratulate me, so I refrained.

But I got up, drove to Palo Alto, trained with Alyssa, showered, and had brunch at Joanie's - they all remembered me even though I hadn't been there in months, which was nice. Then I worked at Philz, and then I drove to San Bruno and had a v productive writing date with Barbara, Anne, and Poppy. But I left a little after four, came home, tried on dresses for my wedding event tomorrow, and the left the house to indulge my desire for tasty food and drink. I had carnitas tacos and guacamole and delicious margaritas at a place a few blocks away, and was going to come home after and relax...

And instead I went to Adit and Priyanka's, where we roasted corn in the most inefficient way possible. And, true to form, I put myself into a position where I could be led astray. I compounded my margaritas with two glasses of wine, then went to a bar with Adit and his cousin Sumir (lovely, but makes me feel old), where I had a mojito and a tequila shot. Then Adit and I went to Geary Club for old times sake...we took two of his coworkers, and one of them might have ruined it for me anyway, but the place has substantially cleaned up its game since we used to go there. This feeling rather glum, we parted ways with the others and continued to discuss the meaning of friendships and life and communication over potato skins at Grubstake.

And now I desperately need to sleep - it's three a.m., and while I must be lonely, I also mysterious ready go sleep so I can go to Sanga Cruz (and also pack for Santa Cruz) tomorrow. Goodnight!