Tuesday, September 30, 2014

brighter than the sun

I continue to drain myself down to the dregs. Today was brutality piled on top of more brutality, with a thin veneer of fun. I woke up earlyish but was really dragging, and traffic was not ideal, so I didn't get to work until 8:15, which didn't give me time to write before starting my meetings. But I did my meetings, did a bit of work, had lunch with a coworker, did some more meetings, and then slacked off early to get drinks with several coworkers (somewhat to welcome our new teammate, somewhat to socialize). Then I drove to Stanford and worked at Stanford library for a couple of hours - I've written at least part of every book there, and I hadn't done anything for Thorington there yet, so it seemed symbolic to work on the ending there.

And it was great for my productivity - I can practically smell the end, and the whole thing has come together in a way I'm pretty happy with. But I was so tired that I left at ten even though I wanted to keep going because I was afraid that I would kill myself if I waited any later to drive home. So I got home, washed my face, and wrote for the last half hour. But I've hit the very hardest part of the wall, and I have to work tomorrow (although I'm going to do it from home), and I also have to pack, and so I think sleep would serve me better than anything right now.

Wish me luck that I can finish my edits tomorrow! If I do, I think I'll see how I'm feeling about it, and then either a) proofread on the plane, or b) what's looking more likely is relax on the plane, then relax all weekend, then proofread in the wee jetlag hours around my offsite next week. Doesn't that sound like fun? Goodnight!

Monday, September 29, 2014

blast off

My brain is completely fried, and I'm beginning to doubt that it's possible to unfry it before Frankfurt. Le sigh. I got up in decent shape this morning and trained with Alyssa, which usually energizes me, but today it seemed to take every last bit of energy I had, and I never recovered. So I went through the day in a fog, trying to do the things I absolutely had to do while ignoring the rest. And then I came home, stared at the manuscript, ate some pizza, stared at the manuscript some more, realized I was too tired to do substantive edits, and so spent the last hour doing other necessary stuff instead (dedication, back matter, links, etc).

I begin to doubt that it's possible to publish before Germany, but hope springs eternal. So I'm going to go to bed now, wake up early, and write before work in an attempt to keep the dream alive. Goodnight!

Sunday, September 28, 2014

got my head up in the rafters

Today was excellent in terms of productivity (I crushed it), but completely abhorrent in terms of my social life. I skipped the only tentative plan I'd made (dinner), barely saw Terry, and had most of my human interaction at Des Amis, which was lovely but also vaguely like paying for friends.

But I have no regrets. I woke up at 6:30 and pretty much worked straight through until now. I did take a break to shower (I know, so indulgent), get a mani/pedi to prep for zee germans, and get coffee from Philz before writing again (and napping a little). Then I called my parents, who were excellent. Then I wrote at Rapha, and then at Des Amis. All told I wrote 20-30 pages and got through the hardest remaining scene that I've been putting off, so I think I'm nearly there.

It's still going to be a slog to get done before Germany, and there's a decent chance I'll have to do the formatting on the plane, but I'm feeling good overall, so I'm going to keep pushing. But for now I must sleep - goodnight!

Saturday, September 27, 2014

who am i to tell fate where it's supposed to go

I have suddenly hit the wall very hard, and I think I need to sleep before it gets any worse (and before I forget to take the masque off my face, which would potentially eat my skin overnight). Today was an exercise in almost total productivity. I woke up at 6:30, worked from seven until 9:30ish, showered, and went downtown to get my eyebrows waxed (v necessary if I don't want to look like my Granddad in Germany). Then I wrote while eating huevos down the street. Then I wrote some more at home. Then I took a nap before writing at Rapha.

By five p.m. at Rapha, I was in my most psychotic state...which is approximately when Terry found me and lured me to Des Amis (she didn't have to try very hard - I was burned at that point). We had burgers and cocktails, and it was all v. restorative. Then I came home, wrote for a bit, inadvertently fell asleep, and then was awoken by a phone call luring me back to Des Amis for another drink. Ha.

But I limited myself to one (and a half), then came home and wrote for the last hour. And now my face has buried itself in the wall, so it's time to sleep. I don't know if getting the book out by Monday is possible (fact: it isn't), but I think it's still possible for Tuesday/Wednesday. The problem was that I had to add a character to the end whom I hadn't planned to add, which required changes throughout, and so I'm behind on resolving the end. But it's coming together and I feel good about it, so hopefully I can greet tomorrow with just as much enthusiasm as I greeted today. Goodnight!

Friday, September 26, 2014

boy you got my heartbeat running away

I had intended to write tonight, but I was so wiped out from the week that I spent my time after work napping, shopping, eating, and generally procrastinating. But I cleaned my room, then made a list of the remaining changes I need to make for Thorington before I'm ready to publish. And I have to say I'm actually excited about the plan of attack - provided I don't panic over it and can get started in the morning with a clear heart.

But a clear heart requires immediate and copious sleep - goodnight!

Thursday, September 25, 2014

worth everything ever wished for

I begin to feel that I have become just the tiniest bit repetitive. Is that true? Is it true that my days can all be summed up thusly: that I woke up earlier than I wanted to, that I endured a long and bitter commute, that I had a lot of meetings, that I did something fun with someone or multiple someones at the office, and that I obsessed over Thorington at Des Amis?

Yeah, I guess they can. My apologies. Thorington is coming to an end, though...I got my last edits back from my editor this afternoon, and so I came home from work and immediately went to Des Amis to process them (over chicken and a single glass of white wine, so everyone there assumed the worst about my mental state). Three hours later, I felt really good about the shape Thorington is in - yes, I have to finish the last chapters, but this is not insurmountable, and the rest of the book is pretty damn good, if I do say so myself. This is mostly because I adore Thorington (yes, I know he's fictional, shut up), but Callie is pretty awesome too. And I'm even somewhat excited for the next book (Rafe and Octavia), even though I have no idea what it's about and will undoubtedly reach the same level of despair at some point that I reached over this one.

So, I'm going to do my damnedest to slog brutally and relentlessly this weekend so that I can hit publish before going to Germany next week. Obviously if I think I can't do this without sacrificing quality, I won't - but I think it's possible if the stars align. And I'm going to fucking force them to align, because I need a vacation and want to spend a magical weekend in Frankfurt/Heidelberg before work starts again the following week.

sssanyway. I got up this morning and made it down to Palo Alto almost on time (a miracle since it was raining), where I trained with Alyssa. Her nefarious kettlebell agenda has expanded to snatches, which means flinging the bell onto my wrist, which is supposed to be done without bruising the hell out of the wrist, but I haven't totally figured it out yet. It went better than I expected, though, and was even maybe kind of fun, so that's cool. Then I went to the office, took a couple of meetings from main campus, and was ten minutes late getting back to my building for my first meeting with my new hire (she will get used to my fast and loose adherence to calendars, hopefully - at least I warned her in advance that today was going to be messy). But we adjourned our meeting to have a team lunch at In-n-Out - yes, it's ridiculous that we took her out to a buy-your-own-lunch situation when we are surrounded by free food, but the rest of us wanted to get off campus and she had never been to In-n-Out, so hopefully it wasn't too bad.

After that, I took advantage of the free food by having an iced latte and working at the coffee shop with one of my coworkers for an hour. Then I had meetings, and then I drove home, and you know the rest.

So yeah, that was predictable. You and I just have to survive another week, and then I'll be in Germany and will have entirely new content for you. Goodnight!

oh...and p.s., I posted the first chapter of Thorington's book on my writing website, if you are interested in reading it. Yay.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

lightning strikes the heart

I am super tired - the offsite today was beyond draining, to the point that even I (who usually drink the koolaid at this things) walked out in the middle of a session to get a triple shot latte in an effort to not kill myself or others. I mean, it was theoretically good to spend time getting to know other managers. But it was pretty much the worst possible time of the quarter/year for them to do it, and all I could really think about was all the work I had to do...

...but I guess it could be worse. Or something. The offsite was from nine to five, but I had a break for lunch on my own, and I met up with a coworker who wasn't at the offsite to have lunch and coffee and not talk about management challenges for an hour, which was v necessary. I got home at 6:30 Nd had planned to go to Des Amis and write the last chapter of my book, but I'm so tired that I scratched that, ordered Thai, talked to Terry (in person) and Chandlord (over chat) until it arrived, ate, did a bit of relaxing (face masque + trying on the jeans I'd ordered for my trip), and am now going to sleep before I die of exhaustion. Goodnight!

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

babe you got the beat right

omg I must go to bed immediately...today was a very, very long day. I tried to get up early to write, and while I was up by around 5:45, I somehow took this as an opportunity to dilly-dally, and so I didn't get out the door until almost seven. This was still early enough to make it to campus around eight, but I just ended up having a nicer breakfast than usual, since I burned the extra time by going to a cafe where they would make me eggs rather than forcing me to subsist on the (premade, already shelled) hard boiled eggs that I eat for breakfast in the cafe nearest me every day. I know, I'm ridiculously spoiled. I also had to do some day job work, so I did that over breakfast. And then I went to the day's activity - a manager offsite (which continues tomorrow). These things are always pretty draining, and I was already tired, so I was in for a miserable time...

...but it wasn't miserable, even though I am still (and increasingly) tired. We had an exercise in the morning, then had lunch at the Indian place on campus, which was good except it was all veg, and I can't eat all veg without substantially more protein than was available. So this other attendee and I snuck out early and drove to another cafe, where we cleared out all the chicken in their salad bar in an attempt to get our protein levels up. Ha.

The rest of the afternoon was also good...I managed to get a latte during our v. short fifteen-minute break because one of my coworkers was hanging out in the coffee bar outside the offsite and I was able to ping my order over before all of us swarmed the baristas. And then I had to do an exercise in front of the whole group (try to coach our director for 20-30 minutes), which I think went pretty well. The rest of the afternoon was good, albeit draining. And then I did some work, had dinner with the group (and more wine than was strictly necessary), and am now going to bed. Before you worry about my wine comment, know that I'm holed up in a swanky room in the Palo Alto Westin, where they put me up tonight despite the fact that I live out here - it was simultaneously completely unnecessary and v. much appreciated. So I was able to walk to dinner and enjoy myself, and tomorrow it should only take 20-30 minutes to get to work, which is a super luxury. But now I want to take advantage of this opportunity to sleep - goodnight!

Monday, September 22, 2014

i can get you love drunk

Today was more fun and less brutal than I expected - I almost kind of felt not tired this morning, which was a huge surprise. Then I trained with Alyssa - I never train with her on Mondays, but I have this two day offsite this week and it's messing with my schedule. She was great, as per usual, and it was a lovely start to my morning.

Then I went to work, slogged, had some surprisingly good meetings, got some work done, and picked up the new person who joined my team today. Then I left and rendezvoused with Heather (aka dear respected madam), whom I hadn't seen in months. It was fabulous to catch up with her - I've missed her company and felt bad that it had been so long, but we got back in sync like we hadn't missed most of the summer together. She had also read my latest draft of Thorington yesterday like a champ, and so I got her feedback - which, overall requires extremely minimal changes. So whether I can publish next week remains to be seen, but I'm still aiming for it...

But now I must sleep if I have any hope of writing tomorrow before work - goodnight!

Sunday, September 21, 2014

give a little bit

I worked all day with not a lot of new words to show for it, but what I did do was all v. necessary, so I'll take it. I woke up at six, answered a couple of emails, went back to sleep until eightish, and then decided to get on with my day. That wasn't really enough sleep, but time waits for no man, so I dragged myself out of bed, threw on some clothes, took care of a couple of tings, and then met up with Kathia at Goody, where I slogged relentlessly for three hours. I wasn't writing, exactly - I was researching things that I had questions about for the book (sloops vs. schooners, what architectural styles happened in which orders in Britain from 1500 to 1800, a long list of words that I needed to check the etymology of to see whether they were used in 1813, etc.). So I got through all the questions, which was great - that stuff takes time, and it was a good task to do when I was feeling drained and depleted from yesterday's marathon writing session.

Unfortunately, by that point it was almost one p.m., and so I had to forego my only social plan of the weekend (John and Jess's Oktoberfest party) in the interest of doing more work. Also, I'd booked a massage for late this afternoon, and if I skipped it I'd forfeit the money, so I prioritized falling asleep while letting a stranger touch me over seeing my friends. Sadness. So I worked until the massage, got the massage, talked to Kathia briefly after, and then came home and worked on a promo thing for an hour. Then I had dinner with Terry, which was v. necessary - I had subsisted all day on hard boiled eggs, cottage cheese, lattes, and the leftover pizza I stole from her, which isn't really a balanced diet. And over the course of dinner I came up with an idea so fascinating and bizarre that she couldn't really look at me or talk to me after that - this always happens at least once when I'm in crazy end-of-book mode, so I'm glad that it arrived on schedule.

Then I came home, did two hours of work for the day job (which was two hours more than I wanted to do), and now must go to bed if I have any hope of surviving tomorrow. Goodnight!

it's still early out in cali baby don't you want to rally again

Today was a cold and brutal slog, but I'm happy with the progress I made - I think I wrote twenty pages or so, and the end is tantalizingly in sight. So in sight that I went ahead and sent it to my editor + a couple of beta readers to get feedback. I can't repeat quite this level of engagement tomorrow since I will have to go to bed earlier if I'm to survive work next week, but I think I can get through most of the end if I abandon all socializing and stay focused on the task at hand.

So, you can guess that this post will be super boring. I didn't sleep well last night, since I woke up in the middle of it and then spent two hours being angry over work stuff, so I was not in a good place when I got up at seven to go meet Kathia. But meeting her was a good kickstart to the writing, so I have no regrets. We worked for a couple of hours, then I grabbed breakfast, worked some more, showered, and went downtown to get my hair cut (which feels like it happened days ago). Then I came home, took a v. necessary nap, worked a bit, ate early tacos at Sabrosa while writing some more, and met up with Kathia again for another half-hour stint. And then I came home and worked for the last seven hours, with a bit of procrastination and maybe a nap or two thrown in there as well.

And now I must sleep if I'm to be at all useful tomorrow - goodnight!

Friday, September 19, 2014

i can't sleep with you on my brain

Today was remarkably intense. I meant to wake up super early and write, but when my alarm went off, I made the executive decision to reset it for an hour later and get some more must-needed rest so that I could tackle the day ahead. Then I finally got up, showered, took care of tings around the house, did some work, etc., before taking three meetings from home. After that, I made the unusual move of going into the SF office - I had a meeting with my boss's boss to talk about something we're doing next week (I'm apparently a good manager or something, so they asked me to do an exercise at an offsite where I'm the coach and our director is the coachee - this was billed to me as a 'fun activity' that is actually one of those 'not fun' activities, but it will probably be fun because I'm a complete dork about this stuff).

sssanyway, I got to the office in time for lunch, and I had planned to work through it, but I v. serendipitously ran into Katrina in the cafe, and so we had lunch together and caught up. So, that was fantastic, since I hadn't seen Katrina on her own in a million years. Then I met with the director, did some work for another couple of hours, was in a v. content, accomplished state of mind, drove home...and pulled into my garage to find that I had a missed call from my boss and multiple missed IMs about a fucking stupid and annoying issue that never would have...but I'll say no more. Suffice it to say I talked to my manager on the phone and may have used some inappropriate language, but luckily he's accustomed to my occasional incandescent rages, so I think he took it well. And I took some of my aggression out over email, so that was fun.

And then I tried to recover from my rage by meeting Kathia for a writing date at Nectar. I realize that 'needs a drink to unwind' may be a warning sign, but when the options are a) have a glass of wine or b) stab someone in the face, I actually think wine is healthier. And I wrote six pages, which was surprisingly magical given that I was so enraged when I met her. Then Terry showed up and kidnapped me to have dinner at next door at Aix, which was wonderful.

And now I must sleep - I think I can finish tomorrow (or at least finish this draft) if I slog hard and mercilessly, so that's what I shall do. Goodnight!

Thursday, September 18, 2014

say geronimo

I've reached the manic part of my process, I think.

That's probably all I need to say...you loyal readers have now lived through me finishing five books, which is hard to believe, and so at this point you may know my process as well as I do. Today was good, but I need to stop and take a breath. I trained with Alyssa this morning, and the session was good (I guess I'm now swinging 20kg bells? Good?), but I was 20min late due to the absurd traffic caused by the first bit of rain we've had in ages. Then I went to work, showered, slogged, ate lunch, went to the coffee shop to work for a bit, and then had three more meetings before calling it a day.

Then I suffered another hour and a half on the road, which sucked. But I got home, sat for a few minutes, forced myself to rally, and went to Des Amis, where I accomplished quite a bit despite my exhaustion. I also accomplished quite a bit despite my precarious emotional state...everything is uncomfortably close to the surface right now, as it always is when I have to bleed the last few chapters directly onto the page. I've said it before and I'll say it again - it's horribly perfect that I feel compelled to make a career out of sharing emotion through stories when I often do my level best to ignore my own. Tanks, universe.

And now I must sleep - goodnight!

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

i got ninety-nine problems but you won't be one

This will be very brief again tonight, but I feel I should say that today went much better than yesterday, if only because I didn't fall into a black pit at the end of it. It was a near thing - I'm mentally exhausted even if I'm physically fine, so I can't really deal with much of anything after four or five pm. But I managed to write a few pages before work, slog v diligently all day, and write a few pages after work before tackling the commute, so I'll take it.

And now I must sleep at once - goodnight!

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

i can almost see you

Today was all bright and wonderful in the beginning, but I somehow ended it in a pit of panic and despair. Luckily I'm getting just slightly better at this whole eccentric, secretly-emotionally-scarred writer thing and I recognize the illogical unreality of the black nights when I'm entering them just a little faster than I used to.

So I'm going to go to bed early, get up early, and seize the day like I did this morning, when I wrote for two hours before work and then trained with Alyssa. And I'm going to remember that the last two blocked hours don't define me, don't mean that the book is irrevocably fucked, and don't mean that I can't finish on the timeline I want (and, even if I don't finish, it's not the end of my career/life). Goodnight!

Monday, September 15, 2014

ever since i had the vision, use my magnetism

Today was all work, with just enough play to keep me from wanting to die at the end of it. It started off rough, of course, since I got less than six hours of sleep last night, but that couldn't be helped. Then traffic was less than ideal, but I still made it into work in time to take care of some personal tings and grab breakfast before beginning a long slog of meetings...

...but I was 'lucky' in that the first two hour-long meetings ended up being fifteen minutes each, which gave me time to focus on my to-do lists. Then I did some more work, grabbed lunch (they had tritip in the cafe, which was a bonus), and watched a couple of episodes of "Drunk History" while working in a conference room with a couple of people from my team. After that interlude, I needed a break from people, so I walked over to my favorite coffee place on campus and considered my thoughts in my notebook (most of today was spent wrangling multiple massive to-do lists, since both the day job and the writing job are choosing to explode all over my face in the next two weeks). One of my coworkers joined me, but luckily by that time I was out of my 'will kill anyone who speaks to me' mode, so the company was nice. Then I walked back to my office, sat through meetings until four-ish, and worked until 5:30pm.

And then I vacated the office and went to Fiesta Del Mar, just like the old days, to meet up with Kim. I worked with her ages and ages ago (we shared an office sometime around 2006-2007), and we reconnected at the wedding I went to a couple of weeks ago, so we decided to continue the reconnection over dinner. She seems to be doing well, and it was fun to catch up and do a bit of work gossiping (since that's what coworkers do, right?).

After that, I came home, spent an hour and a half doing some promo stuff, and realized that I'm too tired to write now, so I'm going to go to bed and hit it hard in the morning before work. Goodnight!

Sunday, September 14, 2014

sunday always comes too late

I'm completely out of words and must go to bed immediately. Today was a long slog - it wasn't brutal, since I actually felt fairly joyful for most of it, but it was certainly more words than I've written in a day in quite awhile. So that was good, albeit mentally exhausting. But I got out of the house a bit (first for breakfast, then later to work over an iced latte at Rapha for awhile), and I talked to my parents (who were as entertaining as always).

And then the only fun thing I had planned was successfully accomplished - it's Terry's birthday (happy birthday!), and so she, Lauren (aka Subz), Terry's friend Emily, and I had a late (especially for us - an 8:30pm reservation is unheard of) dinner at Kokkari. It's Greek, and is the sister restaurant of Evvia in Palo Alto, so it was as delightful as you can imagine (if you like Greek; if you don't like Greek, I can't help you). Our waiter was the standout entertainment of the evening, since he liked giving advice (and also liked cheek kisses - he kissed me at least two different times). But the food was also excellent; my salmon with corn/tomatoes/olives was totally fantastic (and I, as a rule, don't waste my time with fish, but I was in the mood for something different tonight), and the appetizers were all great too. And, as per usual, the conversation was particularly sparkling and wonderful.

So, hopefully Terry feels like she rang in her birthday in style, even if I was out of words and the best advice I could come up with was that she should move to Greece and recreate the backstory of 'Mamma Mia' (hey, there are worse fates). And now I must sleep so I can get up early and hit the week hard tomorrow - goodnight!

Saturday, September 13, 2014

dressed up to the eyes, it's a wonderful surprise

Today was both gorgeous and productive, and so I'm going to bed a happy (and very full) camper. I oddly woke up at 5:30ish, laid in bed for quite awhile wondering why I'd woken up, and finally got up and made tea so that I could start the writing day early. It was still slow going, but better than it has been in awhile (I got ten pages), so I'll take it. I took a break around 9:30ish to have breakfast, and then I did some shopping therapy on Union Street (which was entirely unnecessary - I've been doing far too much shopping the last few weeks, which is a clear sign that the book is troubling me in deep and dreadful ways). But I got some things from Sephora for my upcoming trip to Germany, bought a new umbrella, and got a cute dress and a top, so that's all fun.

Then I came home, worked some more, and eventually dragged Terry to Des Amis, where we worked in the late afternoon (I invited her with the express commandment that I needed to write, so we split an order of fries and then I had a coke while writing and she had a cocktail while reading). Then I came home, took a v. restorative nap, put on a fancy dress, made my eye makeup all smoky, and put on crazy heels for the first time in months.

This was all in support of the day's main plan - Kathia took me to Gary Danko for my birthday, which was absurdly indulgent and completely wonderful. We ended up waiting an hour and a half for seats at the bar, but we had champagne while we waited, and the wait was completely worth it. The food was amazing, from the amuse bouche (some sort of gazpacho), to all the mains, to the cheese course, to the chocolate mousse they brought out for my birthday. Possibly the best dish was this little buckwheat thing with caviar and creme fraiche, but the scallops were to die for, and the pork belly was definitely my weakness. Oh, and the risotto with crab was great. And the blue cheese on the cheese platter was so very good.

So, that was all intensely yummy. And because we were sharing the courses over the span of a few hours, we had plenty of time to catch up, which was great since we hadn't hung out without our laptops in ages. Kathia gave me a pep talk and ordered me to stop holding myself back (which I agree with), and we discussed all sorts of other topics and generally had a fun time. And now I want to go on a quest to go to all sorts of other fabulous restaurants in the city since I mostly just go to Des Amis (did you know that?), but that's going to have to wait until I have some more time...

...and speaking of time, it's time to go to bed if I have any hope of accomplishing what I want to accomplish tomorrow. Goodnight!

Friday, September 12, 2014

just another heartache on my list

I was v. lazy today, but that was both a) to be expected, and b) something I actively encouraged myself to do so that I could prepare for the slog ahead. I got up at a reasonable hour, showered, and suffered through unexpectedly bad traffic to get to the office. As I mentioned last night, I really only went in because I'd pulled a prank on someone yesterday and wanted to be there to see the reaction - in retaliation for the post-it notes that covered my desk last week, I took the time to show I cared by saran wrapping everything on the person's desk. And by that I mean everything, individually wrapped, and placed back in its original location. Of course, I got some help from some v. willing (and v. evil) teammates, but it was just pure luck that the saran wrap I'd ordered arrived from Amazon the day that the target happened to be working from home.

So, the reaction was excellent (and by that I mean amused), but if the threats I've heard are true, I expect that this is going to escalate again. I'm not really concerned - in fact, I feel more gleeful anticipation than concern - but it will certainly make for some added paranoia on the days I choose to work from home.

sssanyway, I worked for a couple of hours, then had lunch with a coworker (which involved a nice walk in the sun to main campus), and then left the office thinking that I would beat traffic. But even by leaving at 12:45pm, it took an hour and a half to get home - and it's a miracle that I made it, since the last thirty minutes of sitting at a near standstill was enough to very nearly put me to sleep. But I survived, got home in time to take my last meeting of the day, did some more work, and took a nap (I'm a model employee).

The rest of the night perhaps should have been devoted to writing, but instead I talked to Terry, walked down the street to get an iced latte, and enjoyed the latte while sitting out in the sun. Then I bought some groceries, came home, made chili (the first thing I've cooked in months, it seems like), ate the chili, considered Thorington, and instead bought some toiletry-type things for my upcoming Germany trip. And now I'm going to go to sleep so that I can hit the writing hard tomorrow - goodnight!

Thursday, September 11, 2014

champagne supernova

Happy national day of mourning to me! Today was perfectly delightful - I didn't sleep that well last night, as has been typical for the last few days, but I awoke feeling chipper and eager to face the day. This is probably because I'm one of those weird people who is always excited to face her birthday like she's six again, and not like she's another step closer to the grave. So I got up early, got ready, talked to my parents (this is perhaps the earliest we've ever talked on my birthday), and drove to the glorious south bay to train with Alyssa. Our workout was fairly strenuous, which was great, and then I took my sweet time getting ready and drying my hair so that I felt like I was completely ready to face the day.

And the day was great. I had a couple of meetings, but I survived them. I met a baby, and I survived that as well. I had lunch with Alaska Matt (a comrade from my India days), and I required no special effort to survive that since he's always wonderful. I spent some quality time pulling a prank on someone in my cube, which means I have to go into the office tomorrow even though I was planning to work from home. And my team brought cupcakes (including gluten free cupcakes!) and champagne for my birthday, so that was awesome.

The only non-awesome thing was my drive home, which took an hour and a half. But I survived it, then talked to [censored], then threw on a v. hot dress and some extra eye makeup and went to Des Amis for my birthday dinner. Nine other people joined me over the course of the evening, and it was the usual suspects - Terry, Lauren (aka Subz - India was v. good to me in terms of long-term friends), John, Jess, Shedletsky, Tina (aka Mrs. Shedletsky, which is weird to say), Adit, Chandlord, Kathia, and Priyanka. It was wonderful to see them all, and we had a v. secluded, v. romantic back corner in which to accomplish our business. Also, the chef sent out some delicious pates and tings as gifts, which only John, Jess, and I ate, which was fantastic. Also, I got a creme brulee for dessert with a candle along with it. Also, we had two bottles of champagne and a bottle of my favorite zinfandel. Also, I drank a substantial amount of that second bottle of champagne, since the sommelier took great pride in pouring me an entirely full glass.

Anyway, a great time was had by all. Terry was a true friend and went out late on a school night. Lauren looked v. casual chic, as befitting her status as a (temporary) resident of coastal California. John and Jess brought me a v. heartfelt card that was entirely appreciate and entirely out of place with a generally flippant and sarcastic group, which made me appreciate it more. Shedletsky and Tina brought me several v. interesting books about British sex scandals (yay) and also decided to set up competing online dating profiles for me and see which one does better (uh, boo). Adit was v. late and looked like a hipster sailor, but endeared himself again by rearranging everything on the table as per usual. Chandlord was v. relaxed compared to her pre-dance days, and also got a glimpse of the glasses Adit stole from her (and changed the prescription on so that it suited him) nearly ten years earlier, and also instigated some v. personal questions towards me (tanks). Kathia was out of words but had at least showered, so I think she's doing well. Priyanka has had a super stressful few weeks, but she managed to show up and she also managed not to fall asleep during dessert, so I think she may have been the winner.

In short, it was perfect. And now I must sleep, and greet thirty-three with a happy heart. Thanks for all the birthday wishes, everyone! Goodnight!

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

love and hate, get it wrong, she cut me right back down to size

I'm still really tired, but if I go to bed right now I can get eight hours of sleep, and that seems like the right thing to do. Today was great, if you ignore the commute home at the end of it; I got up early, got to the office at eight, exchanged some early-morning gossip, wrote for thirty minutes, and was ready to work by nine. Then I slogged all day, with a break to grab lunch at the mexican cafe on campus (my favorite!), which made for some nice relaxing in the sunshine on the patio. But the rest of my day was all meetings, so I stayed until 5:30ish to do actual work...

...and was punished for my industriousness when my commute took an hour and forty fucking minutes. Booo. By the time I got here I was too exhausted to do anything, so I coerced Terry (it didn't take much) into going down the street and having tacos (you know I'm tired when I want mexican food twice in one day). Then we came home, I did some promo work for the writing job, and now I'm going to bed so that I can have the energy necessary to embrace tomorrow with a full heart. Goodnight!

Tuesday, September 09, 2014

there's no sex in your violence

I was very very tired today, likely because I was awake from 3am to 4:30am-ish for no good reason other than that I somehow woke up and then immediately started churning through thoughts that made it difficult to fall asleep. That put me at a distinct disadvantage today...

... But I still managed to get to work, do some work, train with Alyssa, have lunch, grab coffee with a coworker (v necessary since the caffeine + break was probably the only thing that kept me thing today), and slog the rest of the afternoon. Then I survived an absolutely torturous commute, ate some tuna (dinner of champions), and finished sorting the clothes I'd cleaned out of my closet - not the task I needed to do, but the idea of looking at a screen to write made me want to cry, and Alyssa had ordered me to rest my eyes tonight anyway. Good advice, right? And now I must sleep (and hopefully sleep for real) - goodnight!

Monday, September 08, 2014

it's a lie, a kiss with open eyes

I'm way too tired to blog, so you're getting something abbreviated just to prove that I'm alive. But my day was great - there's going to be another royal baby, I wrote from 8am to 9:30am and again from 7pm to 8:30pm, and my day wasn't too horrible since I stayed sufficiently caffeinated and entertained throughout. This was particularly helped by a) going to get coffee at the coffee bar on campus rather than making my own like a peasant, and b) the fact that I arrived at work and found that my coworkers had taken time on Friday to meticulously cover my desk, monitor, chair, and all other surfaces of my work area in post-its. I'd actually known this on Friday since one of my coworkers very helpfully texted a picture of my desk, but they appear to have continued their labors after the photo I received.

So, that was all very entertaining, particularly as I started digging into my investigations and they all turned on each other and started sharing evidence. Yes, I was v. productive today!

And now I must sleep so I can get up at 5:45am and write again...wish me luck. Goodnight!

Sunday, September 07, 2014

we went from zero to everything all in a day

As you could probably guess after last night's blog post, today was pretty much a wreck. I didn't get nearly enough sleep, and the sleep that I did get wasn't of particularly high quality. Then I laid in bed and catalogued my sins. I eventually got up and ate some leftover pizza, which probably saved my life.

Actually, it wasn't all that bad; I just was feeling very tired and lazy, and so I indulged. I did some business stuff this morning (finances, etc., in preparation for quarterly tax payments), took a long nap, and then showered and went out for a late brunch/lunch/mid-afternoon thing to have huevos rancheros and complete my recovery. I also stopped at the MAC store and bought some eyeshadow and nail polish from their romance novel-inspired collection, which was kind of hilarious. Then I came home, talked to the parents, painted my fingernails and toenails, and generally continued to be lazy.

But writing is more important than laziness, and at this point I'm going to have to crack down and be more ruthless with myself and my time. So I'm going to go to bed now, hope for eight hours of sleep, and get up super early so I can write before work - wish me luck with that. Goodnight!

i'm all about that bass, 'bout that bass, no treble

Today was an extremely long day, with extremes of drunkeness and sobriety that even I find difficult to believe I could pull off in any sort of reasonable fashion. It started at seven...but it really started at 5:15, since for some reason I keep waking up then and then dozing fitfully until it's time for my alarm to go off. But I eventually got out of bed, showered, pulled myself together, and went down the street to Rapha for an eight a.m. writing date with Kathia. She was in fine spirits, and I got almost to the end of the scene I was working on, so that's great.

But then I abandoned writing and focused on killing my liver instead. First up was brunch, which was accomplished in due form somewhere in SoMA (south of Market, for those of you who don't live in SF and want to know what the acronym means). We had two relatively large mimosas each, so that was a great start. Then we picked up more alcohol (a bottle of rosé champagne and a bottle of pinot noir) and went to a friend's house to watch a football game. I know, who am I? As it turns out, every team I cared about or cheered for today lost -- the Northwestern game I was watching was not good, Iowa State lost near the end, and the Stanford/USC game was a shitshow from what I saw on twitter/espn.

So that was a bummer. But I mostly self-medicated by drinking that entire bottle of champagne by myself -- oops. This was a double oops because the game ended at four, I got home at 4:30, and then I took a v. necessary eighteen minute nap before eating some leftover pizza, drinking some water, putting on a dress (extremely hastily) and getting an uber to this wedding I had to go to tonight. The original Jen Lui got married at the DeYoung, and it was utterly gorgeous and incredibly fun. Of course, I was very nearly late (although I made it with a few minutes to spare), and I was still drunk. This may be a new low, since I have never gone to a wedding drunk before...

...but I think I managed to be my usual charming, effervescent self. The ceremony was outside in the sculpture garden, and their vows and the speech by their officiant were tear-inducing. Then we went up to the tower for cocktail hour, which gave us *amazing* sunset views of the city. I refrained from drinking alcohol for the reasons listed above, and so by the time we went back down to the ground floor for dinner, I was sobering up fast...

...and then I started drinking red wine and pretty much didn't stop. So, basically, I got drunk, then sober, then drunk, then sober(ish) in the span of twelve hours. Oops. But I had a totally awesome time - I was seated with Joann, Jane, Lizzie (in from Seattle), and a couple of people I knew and loved at the day job years ago but hadn't seen in forever (Kimi and Betsy, who I will hopefully see again very soon). So we enjoyed our salads and entrees, and then had a totally ridic time on the dance floor. Then we shared an uber back to my neighborhood since Joann/Jane/Lizzie are staying in a hotel nearby, I dropped off the centerpieces I stole from the wedding and changed into jeans and comfortable shoes, and I met them at Brazen Head for post-wedding discussing.

And now, while I would like to try to edit this and make it funnier/more heartwarming, I really must sleep - you'll have to tolerate me as I am for the next few weeks. Goodnight!

Friday, September 05, 2014

you hold it in your hands the two halves of my heart

I felt far better than I deserved this morning, but the lack of sleep made for a long day. I woke up at 6:45, which was three hours earlier than I wanted to and thirty minutes later than I should have, and made it to my writing date with Kathia by 7:25 (only 25mins late!). I wrote with her for a couple of hours and got back into the swing of things with Thorington, so hopefully I can make some serious progress this weekend. Then I grabbed breakfast, came home, showered, and did day job stuff until five - I was actually quite productive, so I have no guilt over not going into the office (have I ever?).

At five, though, I was beyond wiped out. So I ate some tuna (snack of champions), walked down the street to buy milk and get an iced latte, and picked up my dry cleaning on the way back. It was a lovely, slightly brisk afternoon, and I probably should have spent longer outside, but I was too tired to contemplate it. So I came home, coordinated my plans for tomorrow (writing with Kathia, brunch with a friend, possibly watching a football game, going to a wedding), cleaned out my closet (partially - and that just means I have a giant pile of clothes on my floor, but I feel good about how ruthless I was), and painted my nails in preparation for the aforementioned plans tomorrow.

Yes, this is all v. boring for you. No, I can't help you - I need to conserve words for Thorington. But if you persevere a month, I'll be blogging from Germany/England/Ireland for almost two weeks, which should be vastly more interesting than hearing a rinse/repeat of 'I wanted to write more than I did'. Or at least I'll pretend that I'm going to be more interesting. But I can't be more interesting if I don't get some sleep, so goodnight!

the road to shambala

As I probably could have foreseen, today was a normal day that went sideways into poor-decision-land. I woke up early, trained with Alyssa (and was luckily in much better shape and spirits than Tuesday, so I was able to actually do a serious workout), and went to work. I dove straight into meetings and slogged nonstop until three, at which point I drove back to the city so that I could catch a four o'clock meeting from my house before pursuing my evening activities.

And my evening activity was quite delightful - Vidya (aka Chandlord) organized and danced in a dance performance to benefit animal conservation in India, and the performance was utterly lovely. Terry and I went right on time for the start of cocktail hour, which basically meant standing around and drinking wine while talking to Lauren (aka Subz). Then the performance happened, and it was awesome - I actually like Indian dance (because I clearly have an Indian fetish), and they did an interesting job of mixing traditional Indian songs/hymns with modern/Western music during the different dance pieces. But ultimately it was all really fun to watch, and Chandlord raised a great amount for the charity of her choice, so it was win-win.

After that, though, as expected, it all went sideways - I could have gone home with Terry at ~8:45pm, and instead I stayed out and got home at 1:15am. Oops. But I wanted to buy Chandlord a drink, so we went with some other people to Noir Lounge - and then Adit showed up (after leaving the dance to go to another event and then come back), so I knew I was doomed. We ended up getting a bottle of wine, and then everyone else left, and then one of the servers gave us another half bottle to apologize for something that didn't affect us at all. So by midnight/closing, we (or at least I) were well and truly tipsy, which is really the only appropriate state for discussing fertility and relative ovary age, amirite?

So we left the bar at midnight and took an uber to Grubstake, where we had restorative potato skins, and where I insisted that we order some scrambled eggs so that I could get some protein in me before I died. In a truly crushing-it move, Adit also got a beer - I've never seen any of us order alcohol at Grubstake, since that place is where the party goes to die/be reborn rather than where it goes to continue the party, but hopefully he'll survive tomorrow.

And now I desperately need to sleep, since I'm meeting Kathia in five hours...hahahahahaha. Goodnight!

Wednesday, September 03, 2014

the best part of a bad day is knowing it's okay

I am still exhausted; I didn't sleep all that well last night, so this morning was mostly a fog. But I made it to work, had a couple of meetings, did a lot of work and got caught up on emails, and then had yet another of those 'lol/omg/wtf' presentations that I seem to be in the habit of giving. But I managed to keep from making the 'head explosion' sign until I'd gotten out of the meeting, so I guess I'm holding it together!

After that, I took a much-needed mental break and went over to the coffee shop on campus with one of my coworkers to listen to some jazz musician they'd brought in. Then, properly caffeinated and mostly relaxed, I went back to my desk and slogged until five. At that point, it was beyond time to leave, so I came home, dealt with my domestic situation (I've been doing far more shopping therapy than necessary, even for me, and I needed to pack stuff up to return it), and ate some enchiladas for supper.

And now I must sleep. But I will say that the best part of today was listening to the new Counting Crows album - it's like a lot of their other albums, but 'Possibility Days' is my new favorite song (at least for today, and probably tomorrow as well). Perhaps it has soothed my monkey mind enough that I can get the nine hours of sleep I dream of getting tonight so that I can hit tomorrow hard. Goodnight!

Tuesday, September 02, 2014

we stand up in the palace like it's the last of the great pioneer town bars

I'm beyond exhausted - I should have expected it today, since I wrote all weekend and am never coherent in the days after such a writing death march. But I pretended everything was normal this morning - until I was training with Alyssa and realized I was a total mess. Ha.

But I think I pulled it together this afternoon and seemed mostly with it...but I'll never know, since the people who report to me will never tell me that I'm a disaster. I stayed at work until 6:15 to catch up on stuff, then sped home, was here exactly eight minutes, and then went to Des Amis to meet Kathia and her sister before her sister left to fly back to NYC. Then Kathia hung out with me while I ate steak, and it was awesome and much-needed to catch up with her, even though my puritanical side thought I should have been home writing instead.

But writing will have to wait for tomorrow - sleep is more imperative now. Goodnight!

Monday, September 01, 2014

i came to win

So I turned....something in. It's not done. I gave my editor the first half and told her I'd send the rest tomorrow, but even the 'rest' isn't done (I still haven't written the last five chapters). But I'm pleased with the progress I made this weekend, and particularly yesterday and today. There was a lot more that I needed to rewrite in the first half than I had remembered, so today was mostly an exercise in cleaning up what I had, rewriting several scenes from scratch, etc.

All in all, I feel pretty good about where the book is going, and I have almost a month (well, twenty-five days) to finish it in time to get it done for formatting and uploading in time for my chosen release date, so I think I can do it. This is still going to be a brutal slog, but the plan is to get the most brutal slog out of the way this week so that I can enjoy my birthday week. Good plan, right?

I might have gotten farther this afternoon if I hadn't spent time doing non-writing things, but it couldn't be helped. The first was meeting with my marketing person; I didn't really have time to do it, but if I didn't meet with her today she's too stuck to keep going on her own, so it kind of had to happen. Then I came home, took a v. necessary, life-restorative nap, and went out again to have dinner with Katrina, Chandlord, and Jesse in honor of Katrina's birthday (slightly belatedly). Katrina doesn't enjoy celebrating her birthday, which makes sense considering how obnoxious most of our friend group (myself included) can be to the person who is the center of attention, but I'm glad that we were able to have a lowkey dinner and celebration at Nopalito. I hadn't seen her in approximately three months, which is way too long, but this was a great evening and a lovely way to honor Katrina while not seeming to do anything at all. Yay!

And then I came home, worked for an hour and a half, and am going to go to bed before I die. I may get eight and a half hours of sleep before work tomorrow, which would be a miracle - and then I need to slog brutally at the day job so that I can catch up from my vacation. Goodnight!