Monday, February 01, 2016

these beats of a dark heart use baselines to replace you

I kind of inadvertently took today off from writing (and most work in general), and I think I am more excited about writing tomorrow because of it. When I woke up this morning, I only lounged in bed for a little bit before I remembered that I was supposed to try getting out of bed earlier - so I was up and curled up on the sofa with tea by 7:45, which is way earlier than I usually get up on a Sunday without dire need.

So, since I was awake, I finished reading Shonda Rhimes's "Year of Yes". I highly, highly recommend it - if nothing else, she's a great writer, and she tells the story of her year in interesting, beautiful, moving, thought-provoking, funny ways. But if you're stuck in a rut, or feeling like this is your last-ever chance to have kids (not what I'm feeling, but I keep running into people who are feeling this), or are generally waking up and looking around and wondering if you're living the life you'd actually intended to sign up for, this is a great read.

If you're even the most casual, unobservant reader, you probably picked up on the fact that I was oscillating in and out of a local minima (Adit's techie word for depression, which has stuck since he found me in a local minima my junior year of college and said, "Wampler, look at you, how are you living", which I think is his way of saying he cared) for much of the end of last year. And while I would say that I'm mostly out of it and mostly moving forward and mostly able to write again, there are definitely still days when I can feel myself holding back, holding myself down, holding myself apart.

So while I don't think that any book is the be-all end-all cure for anything, I read this one at the right time, when I was in the right place to hear it. I was already doing a lot the past few weeks to be more present in my life and say yes to more things and do things that I normally wouldn't do and meet people I would normally spurn, and Shonda's advice is basically all of that, taken to the logical conclusion of doing it all the time, in as many big and scary and growth-inducing ways as possible. So, if you need that kind of message, definitely try the book - and if you want to talk about it, let me know what you think.

So, I finished the book this morning, and then I wrote down the quotes I'd highlighted - I'm using a new computer-based journal instead of paper (an app called Day One), which I'm weirdly kind of liking (we'll see how long this last, since I'm a diary whore and switch notebooks frequently). Then I showered, etc., and sped down to the south bay for lunch.

My destination was the New England Lobster Market in Burlingame, which looks like it's in an industrial park, but they serve surprisingly delicious (and upscale, at least by price) seafood (mostly lobsters and crab and shrimp). Joann is about to embark on a special diet that will prevent her from eating all seafood and rice for a month, so this was her pick, and I'm glad we went there. It was nice enough to sit outside in the sun, and I had each of their three tacos (lobster, shrimp, and fish) - I loved the shrimp one, and the lobster and fish were good as well. But the winner may have been Jen's crab nachos, which I would happily eat again and again.

After we'd caught up on our lives and learned that Joann's diet restricts rice but allows Doritos (medicine is weird), we parted ways and I drove home. I desperately wanted a nap, but instead I went to whole foods and bought groceries (and white hydrangeas to give my dining table some funereal chic). Then I came home and called my mom - we talked for quite awhile, since politics and local events have resulted in a lot to catch up on. So much so that my dad didn't get to talk to me at all - he had to wait until after they'd eaten supper.

So the break in between gave me a chance to start cooking my own supper - I wanted to make pasta all'amatriciana again, so I cut up everything and started the tomato sauce before my dad called me back. The sauce simmered happily while I talked to my dad (maybe less happily, because of the subject matter and not because of the speaker) about local developments, politics, my writing/career stuff, etc. I'll probably have to talk to them again on Tuesday to hear how the caucuses went down, but for now I'm going to bury my head in the sand and hope that Iowa and New Hampshire winnow the field down so that there are fewer decisions to make (or at least fewer candidates to listen to) by the time the California primary rolls around.

After we hung up, I finished the sauce, which involved cooking bacon and onions and garlic and red chili flakes together, then adding some of the tomato sauce to the mix, and then combining it with pasta. I only made enough pasta for tonight, but there's enough finished sauce for 2-3 more servings, and enough tomato sauce to freeze and eventually make more sauces later. So I ate my pasta, and it was so fucking good, if I do say so myself - easily one of my favorite new recipes.

And then I maybe should have written, but instead I curled up on the couch with a glass of wine and finished reading 'My Brilliant Friend' (the first book in the Neapolitan series by Elena Ferrante, which has gotten a ton of well-deserved acclaim in the last couple of years). And now I should probably sleep - it was nice taking today off, but I need to write tomorrow. Goodnight!

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