Monday, March 31, 2014

all my tears have been used up

I'm far too tired to blog; I had hoped to relax when I got home, after doing one wee tiny thing that should have only taken ten minutes...and instead I spent the last two hours working on day job stuff, which means I'm either going to have to sacrifice sleep or writing time in the morning. I got up early this morning and made it into the office by 8:30ish, giving myself enough time to dry my hair there and eat breakfast before my meetings began. So I slogged from nine until six, then adjourned to a coffee shop to write for an hour while waiting for the commute to die down. I succeeded in writing four pages of Thorington's story, and then I sped home, ate some leftover chili, and slogged on day job stuff for another couple of hours.

And now that I've committed this unsustainable schedule to the blog for posterity, I'm going to go to bed so that I can do it all again tomorrow - goodnight!

Sunday, March 30, 2014

i know how it looks but all that glitters ain't gold

Today was quite all right, if you like being a hermit. I slept later than planned but just as much as needed, messed around on the internet for awhile, and then ate some breakfast and walked over to Fort Mason to work for a couple of hours. I got six pages of Thorington's book - not an epic output, but I like what I wrote and I'm slowly getting back into the story proper, so I'll take it. Then I came home, took a shower, and was going to go to the park, but it was cold and turning dreary, so I canceled and ate a late lunch instead. Then I bought groceries, came home, talked to the parents, played on the internet, made chili for supper, and talked to Terry.

Now, though, I must sleep; I'm determined to be less angry this week than I was last week, which may be an exercise in complete futility. But I think it will help if I disengage a bit and stay true to my plan of working from home a couple of days this week and doing some writing in the mornings - so if I don't say that I worked from home and wrote in the morning a couple of days this week, please shoot me. Goodnight!

Saturday, March 29, 2014

the time has come to push the button

I'm working my way into a much better place with Callie and Thorington, and I even took some time to relax today, so that's all v. surprising. I woke up at some relatively early (for me) hour, had brunch, came home, did some bookkeeping and housekeeping stuff, and then wasted time and messed around on the internet for longer than I had intended. I also wrote in my journal, so that's something, but I was having trouble focusing at home. So I walked over to Rapha, where I drank an iced latte and contemplated Callie and Thorington for quite some time. It was still slow going, so I adjourned to Des Amis, where a couple of glasses of wine and some delightful conversation with all the people I now know there helped to lubricate the words. So I wrote 5-7 pages of background stuff about Callie's family, and I think I may have finally figured out what I needed to figure out in order to move the story forward more satisfactorily.

The Puritanical part of me tried to force myself to come home and answer email or do business stuff or try to write, but the part of me that is attempting to be sane instead put on my nightgown and crawled into bed with a historical mystery novel. SHOCKING, I KNOW. Even more shocking, the part of me that is trying to be sane put it down at the start of chapter ten, rather than letting me stay up until one a.m. to finish it and thus wrecking myself for the morning. I may not be very good at this relaxing business, but when I try I occasionally succeed. And now I'm going to go to bed and pray that I can write an actual scene of the book tomorrow - wish me luck. Goodnight!

oats in the water

I am inexpressibly glad to not have to go to work for the next two days...until I remember that I need to write a book this weekend, which doesn't make for particularly relaxing contemplation. Today was productive, if nothing else; I only had two meetings, which meant I was able to get through the 400+ emails that had been lingering in my inbox for days (er, weeks). And I met up for a chat with the big boss (remember her?), since we hadn't caught up in a year or so and I was feeling long overdue for some catch-up. She was in fine form, and I left feeling happy even if it made me miss working for her all over again.

After that, I abandoned the office, picked up John, and took him back to the city as a carpool buddy/involuntarily sounding board for all of my woes. Then I got my bangs trimmed and my brows waxed. And then I came home, laid in bed for awhile because I was burned out on talking, and then had sushi with Terry, during which we discussed a wide variety of tings and may have fixed Thorington's plot. And now I must go to bed - goodnight!

Friday, March 28, 2014

give me something to break

[editor's note: this was supposed to publish last night, but for some reason it didn't] Today was a long day, but it wasn't nearly as infuriating as yesterday, so I suppose that's something. I had hoped that yesterday would be a red-letter day - I was feeling v. relaxed after a couple of days of sedation/lying around in bed, and I hadn't read any work email or thought of anything particularly stressful. Instead, something chipped my windshield on the way to work, it rained the whole way and traffic was bad, I didn't final in the RITA awards, and my team unleashed two massive firedrills on me as soon as I walked in the door. And I had to stick around and have dinner last night, which meant I didn't get home until ten p.m., which only gave me eight hours before I had to turn around and do it all over again.

But today was better and brighter, and I ended it at Fiesta del Mar, so that's always lovely. And then I came home and worked for an hour and a half, which was unfortunate. But now I'm going to try to get eightish hours of sleep so that I can be more on top of my game tomorrow - goodnight!

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

the day the music died

No blog tonight - I had a brutal return to work, followed by a team dinner, followed by driving people home, so I'm totally wiped out on talking. Goodnight!

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

mrs. potter's lullaby

I was so good and rested so much today - and then I torpedoed it all by deciding to work on my taxes for the last four hours. Oops. But I'm done, and I have a new bookkeeping system set up so that it isn't so painful going forward and so that I can more accurately track my profits and project expenditures (and remind myself that the vast majority of what I spend on promo is a waste). And I painted my fingernails and toenails, so that's something. And my throat isn't hurting very much, and I don't seem to have any internal or external bleeding, so I think I'm cleared to go back to work tomorrow.

The rest of my day was mostly spent in quiet reflection. This was precipitated by the fact that I had to get blood work this morning, so I slept late to help avoid the intolerable hunger of fasting until 10:30am. I took a taxi to the lab since I wasn't sure I should drive yet and got the bloodwork done (I felt massive trepidation when the phlebotomist introduced herself as a student, but she's graduating on Friday and got a vein on the first try, so even though she had to take six vials it wasn't as bad as yesterday). Then I had a late breakfast nearby, which proved to be v. tasty. Then, in some false economizing, I took the bus home to make up for my uber over there. Then I laid in bed all afternoon and napped/dozed/messed around on the internet. But by six I was totally stir crazy and my Puritanical roots were berating me - so I worked tonight, and I'm getting up early to go into the office and get some stuff done tomorrow.

But hopefully my gluten odyssey is over, and may I never succumb to that siren's evil allure again. Goodnight!

dance to the beat that we like best

You will (hopefully) be happy to hear that I survived my endoscopy today without complications. The only unfortunate factor was that they had to try three times to get an IV going, which was a more annoying process than anything they did while shoving a tube down my throat (but then, I was asleep while they did that, so maybe that was annoying too and they just didn't tell me). But it was all relatively straightforward. And now I never have to eat gluten again, which is v. exciting. They didn't seem to find immediate indications of celiac disease, but they took a tissue sample to test for it, so I'll find out in a couple of weeks exactly what's going on.

So anyway, I woke up pretty quickly, joked around with the attendant, and was released into Terry's tender care. I briefly considered throwing up on her, but I was able to hold it in despite the combination of anesthetic and carsickness (and anyway I probably would have failed in my mission since my stomach was empty). I spent the rest of the day recovering at home - you'll be proud to note that I didn't do any work for the day job, nor did I do any writing, and instead I dozed, napped, read, watched tv, and ate ice cream and takeout.

And now I must go to bed; I'm staying home tomorrow to finish recovering, and I have high hopes that I'll get a million hours of sleep and generally start feeling better as soon as I start coming out of my gluten coma. Goodnight!

Sunday, March 23, 2014

they tried to make me go to rehab

Today was lovely, and might have even counted as a day off had I not spent several hours inputting receipts into Quickbooks so that I can send my tax info to my CPA. Yes, I realize that means it wasn't a day off at all. But I didn't write or do anything for the day job, and I watched basketball all day, so I'm going to count it.

I slept in this morning, then took a quick shower, went down the street to get a sandwich, and watched the second half of the Stanford/Kansas game, which was OMG amazing. Terry and I even opened a bottle of champagne after to celebrate. Then I talked to my mom, watched some more basketball, and talked to my dad before the Iowa State/North Carolina game. I couldn't handle watching it all without any distraction at all, so I worked on my taxes from two to seven while watching basketball (and having more champagne when ISU pulled it out).

But by seven I was desperate for a break, so I conned Terry into going to my favorite French place, where we hung out with my favorite manager dude (who has instructed them all to open my favorite bottle of wine whenever I want it by the glass even though it's no longer on the by-the-glass menu). And they gave us steak tartare, which Terry wasn't able to take advantage of, so I ate it for her. And Terry somehow got Todd to try to convince me to do a Soulcycle class with them, which sounds like a horrible idea, but we shall see.

And now, alas, I must sleep; I'm going to get up at 4:45ish to have a snack and some water before going back to sleep for awhile, since I can't eat anything for six hours before this endoscopy thing at noon. Boo. Needless to say, I'm taking tomorrow off; it's a sign of how stupid and crazy I am that I'm almost looking forward to this as a day off, when in reality I must be forcibly sedated in order to take a break. Stupid. And on that note, it's time for bed!

everybody wants a thrill

I continue to slip deeper into my gluten coma, but I managed to eke out a decently fun/productive day, so yay for that. I woke up earlier than I wanted to after sleeping less well than I had hoped, and I threw on some pants and met Kathia at Rapha for a writing date. I have so much to do for Thorington that I can't even contemplate it - and so I mostly spent the time there not contemplating it, which, as you can imagine, is not particularly good for productivity. Terry met us there as well, and so we all worked for a bit. But Kathia had to leave, and then I threw in the towel, and Terry wasn't going to leave me to wallow in my own despair. So we went out for brunch and caught up, which was v. lovely and overdue.

And then I came home, thought about writing, and instead spent the afternoon reorganizing my room, talking to my mom, [censored] to [censored], and doing some financial tracking stuff. I would have happily entered expenses all night, but instead I took a nap (see: gluten coma), took a shower, and picked up Adit so that we could go to the glorious south bay for Peder (aka Timmy Timer's) birthday party. It turned out to be totally delicious; we went to Terun, which is a relatively new establishment on California Ave, and the food was pretty much perfect (even if I ate veal ravioli to get my gluten count up for the day). The company was lovely as well, although I didn't get as lubricated as some of them did since I was driving. But eventually they adjourned to the Nuthouse, which Adit and I weren't interested in, so we came back to the evil city, where I'm sure he's making plans to go out to all the many parties he's been invited to. But I find it more appealing to curl up in bed and hope that my sleep lasts until it's all better. Goodnight!

Saturday, March 22, 2014

honeymoon in beirut

Today was another long day with a brutal start, but it ended on a high note. I had to be in the office by 8:30 for this presentation thing, so I left home at seven just in case, and made it there without incident (other than almost dying in a car accident, but I swerved in time). Perhaps that adrenaline rush was just what I needed to get through the preso, which went much better than I expected (but as well as I deserved after this week of pain). After that, I had some more meetings, sent some more emails, got a latte, ate a salad, and peaced out around 1:30 to come back to the evil city before the even more evil traffic thwarted me. Then I worked a bit more before getting a facial, which was v. necessary for both my gluten-inflamed skin and for my general relaxing and well-being.

Post-facial, I came home, messed around on the internet, and took a nap. Then, I rallied against my better judgment and had dinner at the Presidio Social Club with Lauren (aka Subz), Nathan, Kathia, Jerry, Terry, and Sumir. It turned out to be a v. entertaining and lively group, and I think that Subz and Kathia could be dangerous together (especially for my liver, provided that I am still allowed to drink alcohol after whatever the doctor finds with the endoscopy on Monday). We discussed many and varied things, including a lot of words beginning with 'pin', and a great time was had by all.

Sadly, though, I must go to sleep and hope that the memory of the last nine hours of relaxing is enough to sustain me through the weekend, since I have to write all day tomorrow. Goodnight!

Thursday, March 20, 2014

all of the lights

Today was almost worse than yesterday, but I got to spend the last four hours of it sitting on my own couch, so at least that was a victory. I got up in a daze, drove down to train with Alyssa, and discovered that I had forgotten my gym bag for the first time ever, so I couldn't shower or change into real clothes after my workout. So, rocking a sporty (aka sweaty) look, I went to the office and slogged viciously and brutally until fourish. Luckily I got to take a break to have In-and-Out to celebrate one of my teammates becoming an American citizen, and sitting in the sun outside of In-and-Out was exactly what I needed at that moment (other than tequila, which is what I really needed).

But my boss and I were both totally done (mentally, not actually) at four, so I left and spent almost two hours driving home (boo). Then I ordered a pizza and cranked through three hours of work for the day job. Then I spent my 'break' taking out my contacts, prepping my tea for tomorrow, and painting my nails. And now I must sleep; the presentation I've been working on is at 8:30am tomorrow, and I'll be v. glad when it's over so I can move on with my life. Goodnight!

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

we used to play outside when we were young

I had a pretty miserable day at work on top of what's been a miserable week at work, and now I'm only going to get seven hours of sleep when my gluten belly really needs nine. So, you're getting this blog so you know I'm alive...but that's all you're getting until tomorrow, when I hope that I will be in a better and more loquacious mood. Goodnight!

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

not giving in

Today was lovely, albeit too busy, and I must go to bed immediately if I'm going to recover in time for tomorrow. I spent altogether too long on the shuttle this morning, spent an hour putting out fires at the office, and then trained with Alyssa, who caused a much smaller bruise on my wrist than the last time we tried kettlebell cleans, so I guess I'm improving. Then I rushed through my shower and hied my wet hair over to lunch with Chandlord and John, which was totally delightful. It's so odd that we all work at the same place, and even odder that the place's amenities keep improving. So we had a delicious lunch at a new cafe, followed by lattes and macchiatos at a new coffee bar, followed by altogether unnecessary juice at the juice bar. But we had to return to work, which is the downside of hanging out at work, and so we parted ways and I returned to putting out fires the rest of the afternoon.

But I left at 5:40 to go home, and spent another annoying amount of time driving back to the city. Then I went to my favorite French place and worked on my taxes for two hours, since I'm seeing my CPA tomorrow. And now I am desperate for sleep - the end of this gluten binge can't come fast enough. Goodnight!

Monday, March 17, 2014

salaam namaste

I continue to be totally felled by this gluten thing, but I've only got to survive another week-ish before I can move on with my life, so I think I'll make it. Today was somewhat an exercise in frustration; I went to Mountain View almost entirely for a meeting that was later canceled, and the main project I'm working on currently brings me no joy. But I like the people I work with, which I realize is better than what most people can say about their jobs, so at least there's that. And I took a break in the afternoon to walk to a nearby coffee bar and get a free latte, which is also more than most people can say about their jobs, so that was good too.

After my last meeting, I peaced out, took the shuttle back to the evil city, and sat at Nectar for an hour and a half nursing a glass of wine and quietly freaking out about Thorington. I'm stuck until I hear back from my editor, which should be any day now, and yet I don't want to completely abandon the story while waiting for her because I know from bitter past experience that it's very hard to get back into it once I've taken a break. So I messed around for awhile, and then Kathia showed up and told me to work on the next book, which was actually a helpful suggestion. But I parted ways with her and the story half an hour later so that I could have dinner with Lauren (aka Subz) and Terry. It was v. lovely to see them both, even if Alyssa won't be happy when she sees pictures of the two margaritas I had after my glass of wine -- oops.

But now I'm desperate for sleep - this is the latest I've stayed up in awhile, and I need to get myself together and go south in the morning, so wish me luck. Goodnight!

Sunday, March 16, 2014

clap along if you feel like a room without a roof

I took today off. Shocking, I know. Since I didn't set my alarm and my body seems to be slowly succumbing to gluten coma, I slept for ten hours, which I suppose must have been necessary even though it felt totally ridiculous. Then I lazed about in bed, made some eggs to go with my reheated steak/fries from the other night at Des Amis, and enjoyed my perfectly all-American breakfast.

I spent the afternoon in a similarly lazy state of mind; I did a couple of quick email-related things, then walked down to the grocery store to get some tings to eat for the coming week. I called my parents earlier than usual so that I could avoid Selection Sunday, but since my dad answered first, it threw off the timings, and so my mother was forced to talk to me while watching the brackets get filled out. The Cyclones seemed to have done well, though, so hopefully the do okay in the tournament.

After talking to the parents, Terry and I made daiquiris and sat on the roof for awhile, which was perfectly lovely - it was just a little windier than I would have liked, but that kept me from roasting alive, so I suppose it was a good thing. The fog kept trying to encroach but never quite made it, so it was a v. relaxing couple of hours. Then I did about half an hour of tax-related stuff before going over to My Tofu House for family dinner with Adit, Priyanka, Katrina, Chandlord, and Sumeet (not an OG member of the family but Adit seems to have adopted him). Since the wind had picked up the line was crazy long and it took over an hour to be seated, but we managed to stay entertaining while waiting. Then we discussed all manner of things over dinner, and many good jhokes were made. And I felt Adit's teeth, so that was a highlight.

But now I desperately need to sleep; I was supposed to get up and go down early, but given my general state of exhaustion I'm now going to sleep later, take my first two meetings from home, and go down at ten. This seems like a better, albeit lazier, plan. Goodnight!

all of the lights

Thorington and I are not friends right now.

That would probably suffice as a blog post, actually, since it tells you all you need to know about my day without getting into the mundanities of it. I wasn't feeling well and continue to need way too much sleep, so I slept until 8:30 or so, messed around online, and went out to grab food. I was going to write somewhere outside the house, but I took one look at Union Street and all the young things dressed in green and getting drunk for St Patrick's Day, and it made me wish that I had brought my Ides of March-style knife rage out to kill them all. But since I don't want to go to prison for killing bros (or for anything else, for that matter), I decided to retreat to my room and contemplate Thorington in solitude rather than in the midst of a massive pub crawl.

But Thorington was not cooperating, nor was my brain excited by the tasks at hand, so I did some desultory bookkeeping-type stuff and kept procrastinating. I left the house once to mail some stuff and buy flowers, and then I left another time to buy a croissant for my daily gluten intake, and both times made me feel temporarily better but didn't get me totally back in the game. Finally, I met Kathia at Nectar, where we commiserated over how much pain we're both in, and I was able to write up what I needed to write up to send to my editor tonight.

She left around 7:30, and then I worked until Terry showed up at 8:15 for my 'vacation' (which is a v. sad, v. sobering way of saying I took two hours off-off today) (and the fact that I call it 'off-off' instead of 'off', as though I need to designate when I'm really not working vs. when I'm pretending to not be working, is probably worrisome). So I had another glass of wine with her and we caught up on all the usual subjects after several days of not really seeing each other. Then we came home, I did a bit of work to clean up what I needed to send to my editor, and I got it off to her a few minutes ago. That means I can sleep as much as I want tonight without feeling guilty, and I think I'll do some non-writing in the morning (probably bookkeeping, since I'm seeing my CPA next week, but as that doesn't require writing new scenes, I think it's practically like relaxing) before considering Thorington again in the afternoon. Goodnight!

Saturday, March 15, 2014

in the daylight we'll be on our own

My Puritanical instincts are telling me to stay up all night and keep working, but my stomach and my gluten fatigue are telling me to go to bed. Today was far more tiring than I had expected it to be, but Alyssa thinks that eating gluten again when I haven't had much of it in almost two years and clearly have a lot of difficulty processing it is making me way more tired than I should be. The theory makes sense; I've gotten almost nine hours of sleep every night for the past three nights and I still required a nap tonight before I could get down to business.

Anyway, I went to work this morning in my gym clothes and slogged from 8:30 to noon without pause. Then I sped over to the gym to train with Alyssa, who made me do more kettlebell swings than my arms were in the mood for. Then I returned to work, sans showering, and inflicted my stinky self on the coworkers who had scheduled meetings in such a way that prevented me from taking a break and showering. I finally got out of there sometime around four, which was later than I had hoped, and so I sat in traffic until I reached my home at 5:30.

And then I took a nap, laid around for a bit, took a long-overdue shower, and schlepped myself over to my favorite french place, where I had a steak and a glass of wine that didn't have the restorative power to overcome the two slices of bread I forced myself to eat with it. They are no longer serving my favorite wine by the glass, but since the manager, the sommelier, and two waiters apologized to me for taking it off the menu, I suppose I shall forgive them rather than filing a lawsuit. I should probably add that the apologies were completely unprompted - I think they like me and don't find me particularly frightening, although since I often come in looking half-crazed, perhaps they're more frightened of me than they let on (but I somehow doubt it).

Anyway, I got some work done there, came home, was going to work some more, and then realized I would be better served by sleeping for nine hours and considering Thorington in the morning. So I sent the first half of Thorington to my editor and will finish making notes on what I'm doing on the second half tomorrow - which means I should stop dallying here and go to bed. Goodnight!

Thursday, March 13, 2014

jealous of the rhyme and the rhyme routine

Today was a v. long day. I had jury duty for the second day, and while I was thankfully not called to serve, I spent more time than I had expected to spend sitting there listening to jury selection. I'm glad I participated, since I got some v. interesting glimpses of human nature (including my own), but since I never got called up and so spent the entire time sitting in the back listening to tales of woe/obvious lies/claims of not understanding English, there were moments when I was a bit bored. But my faith in humanity was also reinforced by the fact that everyone from yesterday showed up again today, and no one seemed truly horrendous (with the exception of a couple of people who seemed to lie about their ability to be impartial just to get out of it).

But I was finally released at a point when it would be pointless to go to Mountain View. So I got my boots shined in the lobby of the courthouse, retrieved my car from the lot (where the lot attendant flirted with me for a second day and was sad to hear I'd been dismissed), came home, contemplated work, and instead took the rare opportunity for a gorgeous sunny day and met up with Kathia to write. Yes, I know that sitting in a darkened room writing isn't taking advantage of the sunlight. But over the course of the late afternoon/evening, I wrote twelve pages, so that was awesome. Then I met Priyanka and Ariel for burgers at Roam, where I ate a bun for the first time in ever and discovered that it's tastier than I would have liked to have known about.

And now I am desperate for sleep; I've learned that I can write 2000 words (8-10 pages) in a day without much problem, but when I extend it to 3000 words or more it melts my brain. So, I must sleep if I've any hope of getting my brain to congeal again before work tomorrow. Goodnight!

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

grand tour

Today was an unusual day, and nothing that I expected it to be. I had jury duty, which I had expected to get out of relatively quickly from what I'd heard from other people. Instead, I sat in a courtroom for seven hours, and they haven't finished selecting the jury for the trial that I got called up for, so I have to go back tomorrow. Sigh.

But I had a decent lunch during the break at a restaurant somewhere in the up and coming SOMA district, and I was home by five. And then I blew off work work and went to La Boulange, where I got my gluten quota in by eating an almond croissant. And then I met Kathia at Nectar, where I wrote ten pages and was v. diligent in making the story happen. Then I came home, stopping along the way to buy some chicken and green beans from the deli, which I ate while watching Rick Steves be interesting and unstylish in England. And now I must go to bed so that I can do this again tomorrow - goodnight!

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

make that money, watch it burn

The day job was brutal today; I got up early and was in the office by eight, and I stayed there until almost six. I realize that that's a normal job for most people, but adding the commute + the fact that I had meetings the whole time made for a long day. But I managed to sneak a workout in, and I got a fancy juice from the juice place on campus, so that was good. Then I ran errands (I got new glasses!), did some desultory shopping at Stanford Shopping Center (which is even more upscale than it was when I was in college, which I didn't think was possible at the time), had Chipotle for dinner (Ritu would be so proud), and came home. And now I must sleep immediately - this gluten thing is not making me feel well at all, and I'm hoping sleep will help. Goodnight!

never to touch and never to keep

Internet at home is being stupid and I need to go to bed immediately, so I won't spend much time typing on my phone even though you deserve better. But if you're still coming back after all this time, I guess the lure of my mundanity is too much for you to resist, so this post will be right up your alley.

Today was v social and v productive. I wrote five pages before work, went south, had coffee with Alaska Matt, worked a but, had lunch (a delicious seafood stew, aka cioppino) with Cari, worked some more, took an impromptu walk and got juice with John, worked again, and left at 5:30 to rendezvous with Kathia. She's back at Half Moon Bay and I was tempted to stay the night, but prudent thoughts (aka my upset stomach) made me come home instead. But I met her there, wrote another five pages, and had dinner before coming home.

And now I must sleep so I can write and slog tomorrow - goodnight!

Sunday, March 09, 2014

it's the heart that matters more

Today was mostly frustrating, but I finally remembered to chill the fuck out at the end of it, so at least I'm ending the weekend on a positive note. I spent the morning doing bookkeeping-type stuff, since I'm trying to turn this writing thing into a real business with better records (as opposed to the old system, in which I throw all receipts into a box and spend two days during tax season sorting through them all, which guarantees a) misery and b) that I missed things I should have deducted). And I spent the afternoon trying to write, but I'm feeling blocked and unhappy and generally anxious about finishing it to my satisfaction in the time I've allotted myself (which I realize is a crazy self-imposed deadline that has no basis in reality).

So when I had my usual call with my parents, I took it from the roof deck so I could get some much-needed fresh air. Then I ran a couple of errands and was going to come home and try to write some more, but I realized that trying to force it tonight was just going to make me cranky and continue the burnout. So I grabbed a coffee (and sat for half an hour daydreaming + eavesdropping on an AA sponsor meeting), and then had family time dinner with Adit, Priyanka, Katrina, and Akash at a Koreanish restaurant near Adit and Priyanka's place. Family time was just what the doctor ordered; we had to go around and discuss what we learned last week, what we'll change, what will make us faster, and how we can be more social (because these are obvious questions to ask over dinner). My realization was that I should have taken either yesterday or today off-off despite my deadline, which frustrates me to no end but is probably something I need to force myself to do more often. Ugh. But I was not the only one who was feeling stressed, and I didn't almost get killed by a crazy man in a laundromat like some people, so I guess all in all I'm in okay shape.

So that was all lovely. And then I came home, painted my nails, regretted painting my nails for a split second when I felt a minor earthquake and was worried I'd have to ruin my nails and take cover if it turned major, and have just written this post. And now I'm going to go to sleep - goodnight!

tell me that you want me

I'm way tired, but that could be because I read four books in the last two days while also attempting to write and work on the day job and have a tiny bit of a social life. I had to judge seven books for a romance contest, and of course I procrastinated, and so I had to read the last four immediately. Oops. So I read two books last night (they were short), then read another in bed this morning, and I read the last one in bed tonight. In between those reading festivities, I had brunch, cleaned my room, tried to write and mostly failed (I got about two pages, although I made a lot of notes about character development, so it's not like I wasn't thinking), and made supper. I also ate my allotted two slices of bread, which may be contributing to my foggy malaise.

But tomorrow is another day and I think I am coming unblocked on the current issues with my story, so hopefully Thorington submits to my cruel mercies tomorrow. Goodnight!

Saturday, March 08, 2014

wheat belly

I can't express how wrong it felt to buy a loaf of bread, cut two slices off of it, and eat it. The bread was great (fresh sourdough from Whole Foods), and I bought some absurdly delicious and overpriced French butter to make it even more decadent, but ultimately it felt like I was eating poison. Which, to be fair, is probably accurate; I felt sick most of the afternoon, and now my back is itching in what is probably a psychosomatic event but could also be the start of what may, in a few days, turn into hives.

Sooooo, this attempt to decide whether I have celiac disease is probably going to make for a miserable couple of weeks. Combine that with an impending deadline of doom for Thorington, jury duty, the upcoming end of quarter at work, and a host of other to-dos, and I think I'm destined for some unpleasantness. But hopefully I get some answers to my stomach issues, and then it will all be worth it.

But if you want to hear something other than my octogenarianish recounting of my digestive issues, you are in for a disappointment. I will say that I worked from home, then slacked off at five and went with Terry to Nectar, where we were going to read but where we just talked over wine instead. Then we had sushi, which was utterly delicious. And now I am desperate for sleep - goodnight!

Thursday, March 06, 2014

the forbidden fruit must be tasted

Today was v. odd. I trained with Alyssa, who spared my wrist any further attempts to slam a kettlebell into it, so that was nice of her. Then I went to work, had some meetings, went to my eye doctor (my eyes continue to kick ass, although they're getting dry compared to my youth), then had more meetings all afternoon. I did have a nice lunch interlude, though, since the cafe staff v. randomly offered to make me an omelette rather than making me wait for whatever was coming out of the over. Yes, I'm totally spoiled - so spoiled that I was a little annoyed that I could only fill it with whatever I could find on the salad bar, which meant mushrooms/tomatoes/cheese since I didn't want fetal corn/garbanzo beans. I'll say it again - yes, I'm totally spoiled.

I left the office around four to see my actual doctor - today was clearly all about my health, which was efficient for my mind if not for my work email. My ulcer friend appears to be coming back, and so my doctor has chosen to take some steps that are probably smart in the long run but will make me unhappy in the short run. She wants to test me to see if I have fullblown celiac disease rather than just a gluten insensitivity, but the test requires that you have eaten gluten daily for at least two weeks. So I'm on strict orders to eat at least two slices of bread (or some such equivalent) for two weeks, at which point I'll need to get bloodwork and an endoscopy. Boo. So I guess if there is some gluten-filled food you've been dying to feed me, you should do it now, since there's a somewhat decent chance that I will never eat it again after this month.

So that was all a little bit of a bummer. Then I came home (traffic was a real bummer), messed around a bit, and had supper at my favorite French place, since I needed to feel safe and loved (and eat some bread, and theirs is great). Then I came home, and now I must sleep - goodnight!

Wednesday, March 05, 2014


I need to go to bed immediately - I stayed up later than planned reading a book (I need to judge it for a contest), and training with Alyssa is going to come all too soon. Today was fine, albeit not great since my stomach has been hurting a lot, so I stayed home and am going to go to the doctor tomorrow. But I got some work done, took care of some writing-related stuff, wrote about a page of Thorington's book, and read, so that's all good.

And now I must sleep - goodnight!

long train running

I'm going to bed two hours later than I had planned, so I'll keep this brief. Suffice it to say that I got up early enough this morning to write two pages (but not the five I had hoped for), then attended meetings, then drove down to the glorious south bay to train with Alyssa. She's got me doing kettlebell cleans now, which bruised the hell out of my arm from swinging a 16kg bell into it over and over - I will get better or else my arm will fall off. Then I had a v. depressing lunch (everyone around me was raving about some cafe they went to while I ate something sad from my building), then had meetings all afternoon.

But I was able to get out of work on time and go to Shedletsky and Tina's house for dinner. I hadn't seen them in ages and ages since I'm horrible with email, but they've bought a house, and so they had me over for a v. tasty steak dinner. We discussed weddings, careers, porn, romance novels, trains, Russia, would-be spies, bitcoins, and a lot of other topics, not necessarily in that order. And it was fantastic to see them - so fantastic that I stayed for four hours, which meant I didn't get home until 11:15ish.

So tomorrow will be brutal, particularly since my stomach is already hurting...hopefully my stress case can pull itself together by tomorrow. Goodnight!

Monday, March 03, 2014

we be all night

So, I'm really pleased with the progress I made on Thorington's book this weekend, but spending three days staring at a screen nonstop didn't exactly make it easy to go into the office and face the prospect of doing the same thing for the day job this week. I woke up in Half Moon Bay, had breakfast with Kathia, packed, checked out, and made it into the office around 10:45 (waiting out traffic was imperative). Then I slogged all day, with a break to have lunch with Alyssa, since she wanted to see my place of work.

By four or five I really just wanted to come home, but I had a work event/dinner/thing that I had to stay for. So I ended up being on campus until sometime after 7:30, which was way later than I wanted to be there. I had fortified with coffee and ibuprofen, but it wasn't really cutting it. However, I made the drive home safely, stopped to buy milk for my tea and salmon for my breakfast, and I'm now ready to go to bed so that I can get eight hours of sleep before starting this process again tomorrow. I have grand plans to get up and write before work, but we shall see how that goes - goodnight!

sleep experience

I need to go to bed immediately, since I have to go to work in the morning and I somehow have to metabolize all this rum before that happens. Life is hard.

But this weekend was exactly what I had hoped for, even if what I had hoped for was a world of pain and misery. I woke up this morning, laid in bed for an hour and caught up on current events on my phone (Ukraine makes me sad and is giving me visions of Czechoslovakia '38), and then showered before joining Kathia downstairs for breakfast. We broke our respective fasts with some lovely omelettes, and then I wrote from 9:30ish to 1ish. Then we took a walk along the cliffs before coming back to the hotel and having a late brunch. After brunch, I was sorely in need of a nap, so I slept for thirty minutes, then sat out in an adirondack chair and stared at the ocean while talking to my parents. Then I came in and wrote from 5 to 8, at which point Kathia and I were DONE and so moved to the bar, where we watched the rest of the Oscars and I somehow drank a lot of rum (a mai tai and two mojitos).

All in, though, I wrote ~50 pages this weekend, which is totally respectable (and by that I mean it's totally fucking crazy). If I get up in time in the morning, I'm going to try to write a few more pages before work - I need to wait out rush hour anyway, so I might as well eat breakfast and write before driving over the bay side of the peninsula. But now I must sleep - goodnight!

Saturday, March 01, 2014

love lies bleeding

I had a really long, often brutal day, but it was exactly the day I signed up for and so I'm really pleased with it despite the pain. I got a full eight hours of sleep, which was v. necessary, and then I threw on some yoga pants (yes, I'm one of those girls now) and joined Kathia in the lounge for breakfast. We paid to have all-day access to the club lounge, which turned out to be the best decision ever because there were lots of tables and couches to work at, a steady stream of new and interesting foods, and endless champagne/wine/alcohol on hand. I was a good girl and limited myself to tea and coffee until mid-afternoon, but the white wine saved my life later in the day when I was staring down at the blank page and trying to figure out what to say next. Also, they made me a gluten free roast beef sandwich with a nice kick to it, which may have been the best sandwich I've ever had, so they've won my heart forever.

So we wrote all morning, and then I took a break to go outside for some fresh air, followed by a rejuvenating shower. This place is totally gorgeous, btw; I saw multiple rainbows over the ocean this morning, including a great double rainbow, which was super cool. Then I wrote for another three hours in the afternoon, at which point my brain was melting. So I went downstairs and sat in an adirondack chair and watched the ocean for half an hour while a bagpiper (yes, a bagpiper) played. Then I repainted my nails, rendezvoused with Kathia, and had supper in the bar - Alyssa would be happy to know that I chose the awesome roasted chicken, although she would be unhappy to know that I had Bailey's later (if she knew what Bailey's was, which is perhaps doubtful). After supper, we wrote for another couple of hours. But at 9:45ish we were both beyond done. So now I'm lying in bed, watching a fake fire on the television, and contemplating whether to read for a little bit or go to sleep.

But I wrote almost twenty pages of Thorington's book today - I would have hit twenty, but I decided to stop writing and instead plot out what I think needs to happen in the rest of the book. I'm feeling good(ish) about it, although I have a shit-ton of work to do before it's done. But that's a stressful thought for another day - goodnight!