replicator

I had a reasonably good day - the sun was out, which always helps. I got up, made coffee, and started working immediately, which was probably a good thing since it kept me from wallowing. And I ate fancy cheese for lunch because I actually remembered that it was in the garage fridge... It was delish even though I had no crackers and so basically ate it + some salami + jam with a knife like a (bougie) peasant. 

Around three I decided to be done, so I took my mom to the greenhouse at Lucas to see what they still had for sale. They had some decent plants left, so we each bought a few, and also got a couple of new pots. Then we came home, talked to [censored], etc. I also talked to John and Jess, who were a delight. And then I made a chicken quesadilla for dinner and got sucked into watching Stargate with [censored], which wasn't what I intended to do tonight but wasn't bad.

And now I need to sleep - goodnight!

from olalla to the city lights

I have not blogged because I had nothing interesting to report - I spent the last couple of days working in an attempt to start really getting caught up on everything I've missed. I got some good stuff done today, and then promptly felt overwhelmed because I realized that it was still just the tip of the iceberg of what I need to get done. But at least I *did* get something done, so I'll take it.

Anyway, as I said, there is little to report from the last couple of days. [Censored] and I have been subsisting on various Mexican-adjacent foods - I made taco salads on Sunday night, which turned into making extra taco meat on Tuesday night to use up the other fillings, and then I thawed out some chicken taco meat that I'd prepped last month so that we could continue eating without me needing to cook. Last night was also watched the latest Mike Birbiglia comedy special, which was pretty great until we realized it was mostly about his dad having a stroke, which was really not the direction that either of us wanted our entertainment to go in. So we palate cleansed with some Stargate, and I went to bed a little sad.

Today, as I said, was somewhat productive, although it tapered off at the end. But I spent some quality time this evening journaling + brainstorming some writing stuff, so I'll take it. And now I need to sleep so that I can be in it to win it in the morning - goodnight!

rest your eyes and stay in the shade

I'm v tired and I suppose I should go to bed if I have any hope of getting work done tomorrow. I was pretty productive today, though. I woke up and spent some quality time writing this morning, which felt good. Then I showered, ate a sandwich, went to the grocery store, and embarked on my afternoon activities. This involved planting tings for several hours - [censored] had set up my raised garden beds yesterday, and I got the north one fully planted (three tomatoes, a tomatillo, five kinds of pepper, way more eggplant than I should have planted, and some basil and cilantro). We are also testing the 'Florida weave' method of supporting the tomatoes and peppers, which involves putting fence posts on either end of the garden and then holding the plants up with a figure-eights of twine weaving around them. We'll see how this goes, but I'm excited so far.

We'll also see how well AI does in planning a garden - I trained a Gemini agent by telling it I wanted it to act like a 'retired Extension director with extensive personal gardening experience', and also told it my zone, soil type, etc. It suggested what plants to put in each bed, and also told me I have too much zucchini, which I realized myself a little too late. It's been helpful so far in figuring out how to lay things out, so we'll see how it goes this summer.

In more earthy, less AI news, I also killed my first tomato worm of the season - it was just casually hanging out on one of my tomato plants before I even planted it. I assume it hitched a ride from the greenhouse, but its migration was for naught because I crushed it. This is perhaps the first of many, but I hope not.

After I planted the veggies, I took a break from the raised beds because I need more soil for the second one. Instead, I planted a couple of pots of petunias for the front, a dahlia for my balcony, and also the big railing planter that I keep on my balcony every summer. I still have more to plant this week, but I felt good about what I got done today. And I did it all while listening to a couple of audiobooks - first I started a book on consciousness, but I was having trouble focusing on it. So I switched to "Braiding Sweetgrass", which I've been meaning to read for ages, and so far it's excellent - it's by a botanist who is a member of the Potawatomi, and it's part memoir, part history, part plant/environment discussion.

When I was done planting, I cleaned up, took a shower, and then made dinner (somewhat reluctantly; if I were in Denver, I would have ordered thai takeout instead). Luckily it turned out v. well - I made pasta with sausage and swiss chard (and parmesan and lemon zest, no tomatoes), which is one of my faves. The chard came from the farmers' market yesterday, and it was pretty tasty, and [censored] and I both enjoyed it.

And now, I need to sleep - goodnight!

dream on

I had a decent last couple of days. Yesterday I got up early and packed up before heading to the garmers market in downtown Des Moines. I was really surprised by how many vendors they had -- over 200, which meant there were a lot of people crammed into the city. But I got some plans for my garden and really enjoyed wandering around, so it was a good way to spend the morning.

Then I went to whole foods to stock up on stuff. I also went to Home Depot to get various things for my garden, and I stopped at Ellis Greenhouse for the same reason. I probably have more garden stuff than I need or want, but that's a problem for Future Sara.

After I got home yesterday, I spent the afternoon roasting tomatoes and then grilling steak for dinner with Mom and [censored]. I went to bed last night and intended to get up early today so that I could be productive, and I was partially successful. Surprisingly, I did get up pretty early for a weekend, but the productivity was marginal at best.

That said, I had an okay day. Since it was drizzling a bit this morning, I ended up going to Centerville so that I could pick up a few last things that I didn't have for my garden as well as get a few groceries. When I got back, [censored] and I ended up putting together two raised garden beds that he had picked up for me in Des Moines. And by "we" I mean [censored] did all of the work and I mostly stood around and supervised.

I ended the day by taking a shower, and then [censored] and I took a quick trip to the cemetery to see the way it looked with all the flags out for Memorial Day. When we got back I threw together the accoutrements for taco salad - I browned some hamburger and then chopped up romaine that I bought at the farmers market yesterday to go with some onion, tomato, a salsa/sour cream dressing, and various other tings. This went a long way toward restoring my energy. 

And now I need to go to bed - goodnight!

i can't wait 'til tomorrow while these thoughts they all leech from my head

I am ensconced in a bougie hotel room in Des Moines, because I desperately needed both alone time and fanciness and a change of scene. I had been planning to come to Des Moines for the afternoon for awhile, since I booked a haircut for today directly after my last haircut several months ago. But last night I decided to make it an overnight - coming up in the afternoon always rushes me to run errands and buy groceries, and I never have time to chill and explore. 

So I got up pretty early, did an interview for a candidate at work at the ungodly hour of 8am (I am v spoiled and believe starting meetings before ten -- or better, eleven -- is a violation of my human rights), and then sped to Des Moines. I then took another meeting from Starbucks before taking the rest of the day off (partially on my own volition, partially at the direction of my friend/HR boss lady, who actually texted me today on my personal phone to make sure I was following through on taking today off).

After that, I got a long overdue pedicure, then grabbed a salad and went to the salon to get my haircut (which turned out great). Then I washed my car, ran to Rrader Joe's, and drove downtown to check into my hotel. I also checked out a salvage store that I've wanted to explore, and it was awesome - four stories of incredible junk that was both v appealing and gave me PTSD flashbacks to all the other junk my family already has. It's a good thing I don't have room for a gigantic spinning wheel (unless I turn the place next door into a textile studio, which is not the dumbest idea I've had). But the store was well worth a visit. 

Then I went to the hotel, unpacked, and walked down the street to Centro, where I had a bougie early dinner with an Aperol spritz, scallops, and a glass of wine. Then I came back to the hotel and dozed, which might have been the end of me - but Katie called, so we talked for an hour, which was a delight.

After Katie woke me up, I rallied and went downstairs for another glass of wine, some fries, and some v quality time with my journal. I came up with some story topics, which made the price of the hotel room worth it, and it was v nice to have a solo hotel bar experience like I used to have when I traveled more. 

But now, I need to sleep so I can run all the errands tomorrow - goodnight!

i'm lookin' to help you find bliss, one day, one way, can't miss

I was not nearly as productive today as I had intended to be, and at this point I think this week is a wash. I woke up at a reasonable hour and did some journaling, which was good; I also made coffee, which was even better. And I did partake in several hours of meetings, in which I made several suggestions or decisions, so I wasn't entirely useless. But several of my afternoon meetings got canceled, and I was not feeling like picking up any of the myriad projects that I was working on in April and which I have semi-forgotten.

So, ultimately, I ended up calling it a day and doing some other personal tings. [Censored] got home at some point, and I made myself some huevos rancheros for a late dinner, since I had forgotten to eat. I also realized that I had forgotten to throw away the sour cream, which apparently expired on May 5 (don't tell [censored], who had some of it earlier this week). I realized this only after I had slathered it on my quesadilla, and since it was just slightly more sour than it usually is, I decided to roll with it. Given my preferences for food safety, you can use this to read between the lines on my mood!

Sssanyway, I ate my huevos rancheros, then talked to [censored] for awhile. And now I need to sleep so that I can get with my many and varied plans tomorrow - goodnight!

don't let the devil make you toss this letter

Today might have felt back to normal except noting really feels back to normal. I got up earlier than I wanted to do I could go get allergy shots - I reacted a bit, but not as bad as three weeks ago, so I'll take it. Then I came home and slogged excessively - I didn't actually get much done, but I participated in many meetings and started to get back up to speed.

My last meeting was cancelled, though, so I ran out to Mom's to pay a quick visit to her and Aunt Kathy, who came down for the day. Then I went into town for a library board meeting - we interviewed librarian candidates yesterday and today, which went well (and was reasonably fun).

Then I came home, tidied up, opened the many boxes of things I've ordered and but bothered to open the last couple of weeks, and generally chilled. I also ate some chickpea masala with rice that I'd frozen for a lazy day, and I'm happy to report it was pretty good reheated (if you have my palate instead of the palates of most people in my county).

And now, I'm going to bed - goodnight!

rollercoaster

I have v little to report. I went back to work today, and it rained like three inches and also hailed, which was a fitting complement to my mood. It was good to see (most of) my coworkers, but I was not feeling in it to win it. However, I did get my desk cleared off and had a few decent-enough meetings, so hopefully I can get back into the swing of things without too much drama.

I was going to scrounge for dinner and make [censored] scrounge too, but the weather got me in the mood for chili, and I managed to find one non-rotten onion in my pantry (the last few weeks were not big for onion usage, apparently, and so my stockpile went to waste). So after I was done working, I made chili, and then [censored] and I watched the last SNL of the season.

And now, I need to sleep - goodnight!

all this feels strange and untrue, and i won't waste a minute without you

I suppose I should start blogging again. The last couple of weeks have been surreal, but I'm going back to work tomorrow and there is, perhaps, some expectation that one is supposed to create normalcy?

Today did feel like a mostly normal Sunday - I journaled, did some despairing, did some cleaning, wrote for awhile on my balcony, and then ate dinner with [censored] while watching a recording of SNL. But it is still not normal. The rest of the weekend was equally surreal - birthday dinner for [censored] on Friday (in Garden Grove, which my mom enjoyed; we hadn't taken her there because Dad couldn't have climbed the steps, but [censored] and I like it and we decided to use the gift certificate we got this week), and another birthday dinner on Saturday (I made chicken and mushroom alfredo that was tasty, and a pineapple upside down cake that would have been better if it had gluten in it).

Of course, I missed telling you about visitation and the funeral and a million other details - but if I'm going to get back into blogging, I'm just going to have to jump in without the recap. Perhaps I will recap someday, but it is not this day. Goodnight!

taken at the flood

I have not been blogging because I haven't felt like it, but the update is: my dad passed away on Friday. It was as peaceful as it could have been - he was at home, and mom, [censored], Aunt B and I were all there. And while it's very sad, it was better than the alternative, which was that he continued to linger in pain and with less and less lucidity.

So the last week has been a blur, and it has been even more of a blur since Friday. I may recount it someday, but right now I need to sleep. To add insult to injury, though, my power went out tonight- and the generator that I bought and got delivered while dad was in the hospital is around but has not been prepped to hook up yet. Hopefully the power comes back on before morning (and before my vast stores of frozen food are ruined), but we shall see. Goodnight!

just the facts

I have not blogged for a week, which is probably the longest I've gone without blogging since sometime around 2005. I have not been entirely sure what to say, although I suppose the pressure is off since so few people read zee blog regularly anymore. But I should record what's going on for posterity - of the remaining readers, we do often use it to settle disputes about what happened when, and if I'm the paper of record for such happenings, I should really stay on top of it.

So, just the facts:

- on Monday, I woke up early to prep for a meeting. As I was prepping, [censored] and I got a call that Dad was at the ER. He was supposed to have an appointment farther away to check his legs, which aren't looking good, but decided that he should go to the ER instead.

- there, we learned that his sodium is lower than the doctor has ever seen (although we learned that Tuesday night; in the ER they were not alarmist, although they were concerned).

- it became clear that if we wanted to pursue aggressive treatment, he would need to be transferred to a bigger hospital. But, there were no beds anywhere in Des Moines, and so the closest options were Cedar Rapids or Kansas City (note: neither of them are close).

- given all of his many and varied and complicated issues, we decided that it might be time for hospice. Mom, [censored] and I had a really nice conversation with the ER ARNP about this, and also talked to Dad. We didn't exactly make any firm decisions, but we decided to stay local and admit him to the hospital here.

- Tuesday, we talked to the hospice people, who are really quite nice and very supportive. Dad also got a brief visit from Darrell. And then Aunt Kathy came down, followed a bit later by Drewbaby and Sammie. We all spent the afternoon together (except for the brief period when I got allergy shots, which I of course reacted to). They stuck around for an extremely cheap dinner in the cafeteria, and then they all went back to Des Moines since [censored] and I were not up for guests.

- After they left, Mom and [censored] and I had a long conversation with the doctor on call at the hospital, whom I really liked. We agreed that it was definitely time for hospice based on the aforementioned sodium and all the other issues.

- Wednesday, Dad went home. Hospice set us up with a bunch of stuff to keep him comfortable, and luckily so far he's able to drive his scooter around the house, although he's getting weaker again...

- The hospice nurse and social worker came to meet us at home, and it's really quite impressive all the stuff that they can provide. So hopefully he can stay home for the duration, but we'll see. I also grilled some ribeyes because I absolutely had to (I'd thawed it intending to make dinner Tuesday), even though no one had much appetite.

- Thursday, they brought a different mattress to support him better, and some other random equipment. We also met the aide who will come to help with stuff, who happens to be my new neighbor. Darrell came by again, and I made a valiant effort to take some meetings - but I quickly realized I had zero interest in doing any of it.

- Friday, I took one meeting and then decided to call it a day. I hung out with the parents for awhile, and then I decided to go to Centerville to get some groceries. I also picked up Chinese food, since Dad had been craving it. This has mostly been eaten by [censored], but I expected that to happen. While I was gone, my sister came by to see Dad, but I missed her visit. Later, Lee Ann and Clell dropped off cinnamon rolls and soup, and stayed to chat for a bit.

- Saturday, Allie and Chris came down to see Dad. I figured out how to make popcorn in his popcorn popper, which is something no one else knows how to do because only Dad uses the popcorn popper. I made a new-to-me recipe for beef and noodles - I put a chuck roast in the instant pot and pressure cooked it until it fell apart, and then I brought it up to a boil and cooked a bunch of gluten free fettuccine in it. I also made mashed potatoes. We all really liked it, and it's definitely something I would make again. And Joan dropped off some soup, which means Mom and Dad's fridge has stuff in it. We ended the night by watching some Joy of Painting, which really is a joy.

- Today, I got up way too early, but had to do some stuff for the library board, so I spent a couple of quiet hours working on that while [censored] dealt with the early morning stuff at Mom and Dad's. Then I went out to their house since Zane and Allison and also Sammi came down to see Dad. We all talked for awhile, which wore Dad out, so I left shortly after they did, came home and ate a late lunch, and did some more library stuff. Then I went to the grocery store, took groceries to Mom, hung out with Dad for a bit, and then came home to make fresh mashed potatoes for [censored] and I to eat with the leftover noodles.

So that's the update. None of it is pleasant, but Dad is still lucid and able to talk (when he's not sleeping), so I guess there's that. Luckily work has been super understanding and [censored] has also mostly been off, so we can do what we need to do.

But right now what I need to do is go to bed.