i'll dream each night of some version of you that i might not have, but i did not lose

I'm questioning some of my life decisions because my day started off with a mammogram, moved into dinner with my parents, and ended with watching an episode of 'Wishbone' with [censored], which is really not a combination of things that a 41-year-old should probably do on a Friday. I like to think that I'm hip and cool, but this does not bode well for my aging process.

sssanyway, it was a good day overall. The mammogram was routine, and I was in and out pretty fast thanks to the fact that I didn't have to wait any length of time for any part of the check-in / exam process. Then I drove around the county a bit on a whim before coming home, eating some leftover pad thai, and spending the afternoon being productive. I wrote for a couple of hours in the afternoon, and then I cleaned my office - I still need to dust and vacuum, but it's pretty well organized at this point, and I'm at the point where I can start putting up art and tying together some other loose ends.

Then, I met my parents for dinner - they took me out to the place where we usually get prime rib (although my dad got fried shrimp), and it was pretty tasty. We also discussed the state of AI (artificial intelligence, not artificial insemination, which is the big AI business here since livestock semen is always in demand), among other topics. And then we parted ways, I came home, [censored] arrived shortly thereafter, and somehow went down a 'Wishbone' rabbit hole that I do not understand but also didn't mind following for one episode.

And now, I need to log off immediately if I'm going to be in bed by midnight (and I really should have been in bed at eleven) - goodnight!

first sip of coffee

I had a really delightful day, all in all - it's great to be around other writers, and also great to be in Lake Tahoe after two years away. I messed around this morning and then took a walk - partially to mail my absentee ballot for the Denver elections next week, and partially to check out the new Whole Foods that opened here since the last time I was here. It was a nice day for a walk even if things are still really slushy from yesterday's snow, and it was great to get out of the house for a bit.

Then I came back to the house, made a tuna melt (which convinced Grace to also make a tuna melt), and spent some time working on book stuff. I broke for a bit to talk to Alyssa, which was illuminating as per usual. Then I messed around online, ordered dinner for the group (delicious Indian takeout), and then enjoyed said Indian takeout.

The surprise came after dinner - I was completely shocked when my friends all started singing happy birthday and brought out cupcakes, a balloon, gifts, and sparkling rosé. In fact, I was so shocked that I started singing happy birthday because I had no idea what was going on (ha). I had planned to do something fun and raucous for my 40th but had canceled it due to the 'rona, but they decided to help me celebrate tonight. It was such a fun surprise, and I'm glad I got to celebrate with them! And a bottle of rosé (which I shared) + a Sephora gift card (among other things, which I did not share) were pretty #onbrand gifts.

So, that was a super surprise, and I spent the rest of the evening drinking some rosé and basking in the glow of good company (and a working fireplace, which was fixed this afternoon). And now I should really sleep - I want to write as much as possible tomorrow, and sleep would be useful for that goal. Goodnight!

i'll take one lift, your ride, best trip

I'm super tired tonight - I didn't sleep all that well last night, and I had a ton of slogging to do today. The whole company has tomorrow off, but that didn't make today low-key, and I'll probably have to do a bit of work this weekend that I didn't get done and really have to get done.

However, it wasn't all work and no play - I cut out a little early to get a mani/pedi, and then I picked up Katie and we went down to the Union Station area to have dinner at The Kitchen. I hadn't been there in a couple of years, but I am reminded that I should go there more often - it was a total delight. I ignored my gluten issue (which was a mistake, since it's an actual issue) and we split a tomato flatbread to take advantage of the last tomatoes before winter, a few grilled oysters that were delish, a miso black cod, and some gnocchetti bolognese that was absolutely the best thing I've eaten in awhile. It was unfortunate that the black cod came after the gnocchetti, because it was impossible for anything to follow that. That said, dessert was pretty great too - we split a sticky toffee pudding that was more cake-like (British) than pudding-like (American), and it was perfect. And, my skills at getting free alcohol randomly comped remain undiminished because the waiter was so charmed by us that he brought us each a glass of madeira to pair with the pudding, and it was such a perfect way to end that I was utterly delighted.

Of course, I was also utterly delighted by Katie - we had much to catch up on, so it was a great evening. Then I came home and rather frantically tried to accomplish tings until now. And now I must go to sleep - goodnight!

leading you down into my core, where i've become so numb

So in addition to buying a house, I had an entirely unrelated adventure today - I don't know if they make "Baby's First Surgery" Christmas ornaments and/or if that's appropriate for a newly-minted 40-year-old, but I had my first-ever surgery today. This was scheduled before everything happened with my dad (but several months after I started pursuing it, tanks to how backed up non-essential surgeries are due to covid). So the timing could not have been much worse, especially since I'm closing on a house and can't go there or do anything with it (particularly since I can't lift more than ten pounds for the next two weeks). Luckily my dad seems to be doing better, but still, it's all a lot right now.

sssanyway. The surgery was lowkey as surgeries go - it involved a robot conducting a laparoscopic surgery to remove a fibroid (which turned into 3 fibroids, apparently, but they're almost definitely benign, so no worries there). There was an actual surgeon directing the robot, but I asked to meet the robot and also asked if today was the day that it was going to go rogue, which they assured me it would not. So clearly I had a slight amount of fun in the operating theatre before they told me I was going under - I said 'bye bye', they all laughed, and then I never saw them again. So hopefully the robot let them live another day after I went into the recovery room, because I was not there to witness any later carnage.

Luckily, Aunt Becky is full time in Colorado now, so she was able to take me (and is staying here tonight). Surgery has multiple indignities, such as having to spend a minute or so swabbing the inside of my nose with betadine; I also almost passed out when the nurse tried to put an IV in my wrist, so that was worse than the surgery itself because I was completely out for the surgery. Now I have four little incisions in my abdomen, including a bandaid over my belly button, so this would be a v. bad time for a goa'uld to come out of there (gratuitous Stargate reference is for [censored] and [censored] only).

So the surgery went fine, recovery was fine, I got some orange sherbet (the delicacy of all hospitals everywhere) and later threw it up outside my house after somehow controlling my nausea all the way home. But I rested / slept for a couple of hours, and then felt good enough to eat some excellent vegetable beef soup that Aunt B made. We watched some tv together, and I talked to my parents, and generally everything feels okay-ish. The incisions really only hurt if I move, especially since stomach muscles are required for getting up / down, so I think my pole vaulting career is temporarily over. But hopefully the recovery is quick.

And now, I should sleep - I'm taking the rest of the week off to recover, with the intent of watching every show on Netflix/Hulu that I haven't watched in the last decade, so wish me luck with that. Goodnight!

one shining moment

I had a great day - I got up early and was able to write for ~45mins before getting ready and going into the office. It was over seventy degrees today, so I wore a dress and pretended that it was summer. I had several meetings, but I also had several hours to actually get some work done, which is so unusual that it felt luxurious - and I also took advantage of that time to get some serious stuff done. I had a v. tasty lunch and actually sat in the cafe to eat it, rather than stuffing it down my throat while trying to talk in a meeting. I may have bought a house. And I talked to my parents, texted with [censored], and then worked some more while watching basketball (Texas Tech's loss may have been the only down-note today, but I'm happy for Virginia).

I buried a lede in there - in the midst of an otherwise great day anyway, I think I bought a house. I put in the offer yesterday, got a counter today, and accepted the counter - so the process is underway. I still have to go through inspections and all sorts of other things, but it's still exciting. And bizarre. And totally unlike my life two years ago, when I was hanging out in Bali...but I think this is a good thing. The house is in Denver, so the commute is the only downside - but Denver itself is a major upside, and I'm super excited to move there.

Sooooo - more to come on that when it's actually closer to final. And now I should go to bed if I want to write or do anything else before work in the morning - goodnight!

as night is falling

Second night at my work retreat, and I'm getting close to tapped out on people...but it's all been good so far. I woke up this morning none the worse for wear after last night's wine at eight thousand feet, and I had just enough time to finish some slides this morning before my sessions started. I had to lead a three-hour breakout session with my team, and I think it went pretty well - and I didn't get fired for putting my fist in my mouth last night, so I'd say things are going great, thanks for asking.

After lunch, I had some free time, so I took a quick nap and then got a massage at the spa (my life is very hard - and my whole team hates me, since they signed up for horseback riding or the 'pioneer challenge', which sounded a lot like torture). But I had some meetings from 4:45-6:30, which we took in the bar. Then we had dinner, and an awards ceremony, and then a trivia game (I didn't win an award, but my team won trivia, so I'll take it).

And then me and Alice and Hugues adjourned to the bar, which closed at ten, and so we took our drink (and Matt, who showed up just in time for last call) to the game room, where Alice and I played ping pong and then we talked for quite awhile. And now I need to sleep, since it's back to Boulder tomorrow (after some more team building stuff in the morning). Goodnight!

if dreams are like movies, then memories are films about ghosts

I had a jam-packed day in ye olde Iowa. I woke up in time to do a bit of day job stuff (which is neverending) while sitting on the porch and playing with the kittens - three of them let me hold them today, which felt like a victory even though I'm severely allergic and should have left them alone.

Then I drove down to the round barn to check out the festivities there and say goodbye to my parents. They were hosting a garden train exhibit today, which coincided with a local celebration - the trains came mostly from some group based in Des Moines that my dad has recently joined, but there were quite a few local visitors streaming through. My dad had somehow conned Aunt B into coming down and helping to sell tshirts, so I gave her some business (but not enough to get a free jar of honey from her bees...but since I'm traveling carry-on only and she'd already given me honey in Colorado, it's okay). I also saw Uncle Mark v. briefly, since he showed up as I was about to leave. The trains were pretty cool and the barn was a good location for it, and I got to see how to learn morse code (reader: .. / -.. .. -.. -. .----. - / .-.. . .- .-. -.).

But I couldn't stick around - I had plans with [censored] that required me driving over four hours, so I had to say my fond farewells to southern Iowa and drive to northwest Iowa instead. The drive was uneventful; Iowa is perhaps at its best in September, so it was quite pretty the whole way. That is, until I got to Sioux City, which was my destination - the hotel is perhaps the worst Holiday Inn I've ever seen, and [censored] and I somehow got yet another room with an air conditioner that is broken in some unique way (not as bad as the one in the room we somehow always get in Texas, but not great).

However, we're not here for the hotel - we are here because we saw Counting Crows, with Live as the opener, at the Sioux City Hard Rock Casino. How Sioux City has a Hard Rock, I don't know. We got here in time to have a quick dinner at Perkins (v. midwestern), and then we went to the concert venue. When we got there, we discovered that our 'VIP' seats were folding chairs on a dais bearing the brunt of the sun, so we got a drink and stood in the shade. And by 'we got a drink', I mean I bought a strawber-irta, showed it to [censored], [censored] said, 'doesn't that have gluten in it?', and so [censored] drank a strawber-ita while I went back and got a vodka cranberry.

Eventually, though, the sun subsided while we watched Boom Forest (yeah, I don't know), and so we took our seats in time for Live to start. They were really good, at least for the songs I recognized - I love all the songs of theirs that I know, and we were glad they played 'Selling the Drama' in addition to the other three or four songs that everyone knows. During their set, an increasingly drunk woman was cheering for them with increasing frequency, to the point that it almost seemed to be what she did whenever she exhaled. Luckily for us, she reached almost-passing-out stage and then was hustled out by security at the beginning of Counting Crows' set (during 'Angels of the Silences', which seems appropriate). So, needless to say, the people watching was fun.

Counting Crows played for almost two hours, and they were wonderful - they hit a lot of my favorite songs, including 'Mrs. Potter's Lullaby', 'Omaha', 'Round Here', 'Angels of the Silences', 'Colorblind', 'God of Ocean Tides', 'Palisades Park', and 'A Long December' (and a few others that I either forgot or didn't particularly care about). I felt a bit melancholy during some of the set - many of these songs are inextricably linked to moods or memories from high school or college or my early twenties. I also saw Counting Crows in 2002, I think, which feels like a lifetime or two ago. But the melancholy was worth it, and I totally loved the set, so I'm glad we came.

Of course, this was the most inconvenient concert to get to, since it required a flight and a four hour drive (and a three hour drive to the airport tomorrow), and [censored] had to drive a couple of hours, and we're staying in a mildly terrible hotel. But we agreed it's not the dumbest thing we've ever done - dumbest thing ever is tied between when we took a five-hour detour via Casper due to I-80 being closed for snow in Wyoming and the time I drove from Chicago to Walcott after my flight was canceled for weather and then we drove home together in a crazy blinding fog to make it in time for Christmas. And neither of those resulted in seeing Counting Crows, so this is clearly a winner.

But now I need to sleep - I have to get up in time to shower, pack, have breakfast, say farewell to [censored], and get to the airport so I can go to California. Goodnight!

if my honey comes back, sometime

Happy birthday to me! If it hadn't been my birthday, today would have totally sucked - I'm now up against several immovable deadlines on competing, equally important priorities, and it seemed like every meeting I had today added a new tale of woe that I somehow have to solve.

However, today *is* my birthday, and so the delightful nature of all sorts of human contact made up for the tales of woe. When I walked into the office, I discovered that my old team had decorated my desk and written a card for me (which was a pretty hilarious card, all in all), and my new boss had gotten pastries for me (not knowing that I'm gluten free, but c'est la vie). Of course, I strolled in at ten a.m. - I'd been working from home starting at eight, and I had a meeting at 9:30 that I went straight to rather than going to my desk - but when everyone rather loudly sang happy birthday to me as I walked in, it felt rather decadent that I was showing up at ten.

sssanyway. I continued to get birthday texts and emails throughout the day, most of which I didn't have time to respond to due to the fact that I had meetings straight from 10:30ish to 5ish without even a break for lunch (lunch happened during a long meeting, so I had to stay with the people I was meeting with). I also got a cookie delivery from Natasha and Chris, which was delish. Then I drove my car home and talked to my mom on the way, and then I strolled over to River and Woods to have dinner with my new boss and four of the other managers in Boulder. I normally would not want to celebrate my birthday with a work dinner, but I do like River and Woods, and the poutine and rosé (and churros at the end for my birthday) made it almost feel like I was having non-work-related fun.

Then I came home and packed and straightened up my house, since I'm taking off again tomorrow. And now I really need to sleep - I have a ton of work to do in the morning and precious little time to do it, and also I probably wrecked my body by having more sugar and gluten in the day than I usually have in a week. Oops. But it was a #treatyoself kind of day, so #noregrets. Goodnight!

seven nation army

I really should have gotten more work done today than I did - but I put in a full day, so while I wasn't maximally productive, I earned the v. dry, unhappy lunch that I ate. Yes, I am complaining about the free food - but it was suuuuuuper dry. Dry rice, dry green beans, dry tofu, and some v. dry pork (dried-out pork is a tragedy since pork can be so delish unless it's totally ruined). But, I did take time to eat with other people at lunch, during which I discovered that scuba divers have hand signals for different kinds of sea creatures, and also that one of the women on my team used to go to a boxing gym as a workout and ended up breaking three of someone's ribs. It's amazing the things I learn at lunch when I have time to hang out....

But at 5:20, I had to skedaddle - I had happy hour plans with my friend Dormain, whom I hadn't seen in forever. She lives in the dirty east bay (although her part of the east bay is actually quite clean) with her husband Anthony and their two kids; I know her through John/Jess/Anthony, since Anthony was John's high school friend and I've hung out with him on many fun occasions in adulthood.

In fact, looking through my blog to see what I said about them, I found this quote from early 2015 (the night of one of Jess's "Lieder Alive!" singing performances): "I also saw Anthony (the guy who threw me into a bush at Lauren's wedding), who now has long hair and looks a bit like he might be a vaguely famous European, and his wife Dormain, who is definitely pregnant." Heh.

So, the update is that Dormain is no longer pregnant, since her second kid was born after that. She was in town for work, and happy hour turned into a grazing sort of snacky dinner and lasted three hours, which was totally wonderful. We caught up on many many life tings, and also brainstormed my young adult book (she isn't a writer, but the conversation sparked some truly interesting ideas that I need to play around with). I hadn't spent quality alone time with her in forever, and I really enjoyed it - so hopefully she makes it out her again.

We parted ways around 8:30ish, and as I was walking to my car I randomly ran into some coworkers, so I grabbed some ice cream and talked about erotica with them, as one does. Then I came home and was lazy and did nothing, and now I need to sleep - goodnight!

hot as a fever, rattle of bones

I had a v. successful first day of my romance conference, thanks for asking! I got up unusually early (both for conference and for normal life) so that I could meet Veronica and attend the Day of YA event (#protip: YA = young adult books). 'Day' was a bit of a misnomer, since it was from 7:30am to 12:30pm, so it probably should've been called 'Torturously Early Morning of YA'.

I'm not a member of the YA chapter, but it was good to do the event - for one, I met a couple of Colorado writers, and for another, the speakers were mostly pretty good. The keynote speaker was Pintip Dunn, who went to Ivy League schools and practiced law before writing a bunch of books, but she did all that while suffering from intense fibromyalgia that is so bad that she can't use a keyboard. She actually wrote a book while lying flat on her back every day underneath her glass coffee table with her laptop screen showing through the glass so she could dictate her words to it (she was so sick that she couldn't sit up), and she's written her last six books on her phone since she can somehow type on the smartphone screen if she's careful. In other words, I need to suck it up and write a fucking book while I'm still in possession of a body that is capable of doing it.

sssanyway. The agent/editor panel was a bit too basic for me, but then there was a two hour plotting-type workshop that I quite enjoyed. After the Day of YA, I parted ways with Veronica, dumped stuff in my room, and met up with the delightful Maya Rodale for lunch. We went to The Kitchen (there's one in Denver in addition to Boulder), and it was a perfectly boozy afternoon - we shared a bottle of rosé, and we each had steak frites, and were so delighted with each other's company that we're planning to have dinner tomorrow (unless she sobers up and comes to her senses).

After closing out the restaurant, we grabbed coffee, then came back to the hotel, where I changed and relaxed for approximately five minutes before Katie came over after work to hang out. I was eager to introduce her to my writer friends, which goes against all my usual instincts to keep all my friend groups separate so that they can't all piece together just how weird I am. But Katie came to the hotel, and the group slowly gathered over a drink in the bar, and Maya stopped by to meet Katie too.

Then, Katie, Veronica, Grace, the Barbaras, and I went to Linger, where I'd made a dinner reservation, Poppy and Barbara's daughter Kristen met us there, and we spent a couple of hours gorging ourselves on one of the best meals I've had in awhile. The concept there is world street food, and it's pretty incredible that they can do such different dishes so flawlessly - we way overordered, but each dish was better than the last, and I wanted to eat all of it. I think I've convinced my friends that Denver is pretty cool - other than the fact that it's a million degrees, it's a good place to live, and the restaurant scene in particular is quite delightful.

Then we sadly parted ways with Katie (everyone liked each other, which was good since I didn't want to have to make any hard choices about who to cut from the program if they weren't kindred spirits), and the writers all came back to the hotel And now I need to sleep - I have a packed schedule tomorrow, so resting my eyes and continuing to ignore my email (sorry friends!) is my current best choice. Goodnight!

i want something just like this

I didn't blog last night because I felt like I was dying, #sorrynotsorry. And really, all I need to say is that I'm never going to eat crab again....

But let's rewind. Yesterday was a series of annoyances, since I had to pack up my car and deal with the AAA guy, who decided that my battery needed to be replaced. I'm not sure about this in retrospect, but I can't deal with the battery later, so c'est la vie. The AAA guy told me a long story of love and loss and how his first wife died (after divorcing him with a promise to remarry in four years, and then she died in four years instead), and it was all v. dramatic and will probably feed into a book someday.

Then I ran errands, ate lunch, bought some shoes, and got a mani/pedi, as required by RWA's bylaws. And then I had dinner with Sarah - we went to There, which was super fucking hipster and amazing. The food was great, the drinks were tasty, and we had a long, delightful conversation...

...which turned into me throwing up for three hours straight. I had crab, which is what I've had the last two times I got this sick, and now I'm pretty sure that it's not a food poisoning fluke and is probably a developing shellfish allergy. I'll draw a veil over all of this, but suffice it to say that I dehydrated myself by emptying out all my insides (and sweating profusely), and it was an intensely awful evening.

So I finally stopped puking at 1:30ish, and I set my alarm for 4:15...and then slept through it because my phone was on silent. I woke up at 5:09, which was 9 minutes after I had planned to leave for the airport, and I took a super fast (but incredibly necessary, due to sweat and vomit) shower and threw my remaining stuff in a bag and ran out the door and left the final cleanup to Sarah, which was too bad. But I made it to the airport with enough time to get a coffee (not enough time to get breakfast, but I didn't want to eat it anyway), so it all turned out about as well as I could have hoped.

I slept almost all the way here, with a break in Atlanta to eat some lunch. The check-in process at my current hotel was a kind-of nightmare, and it took almost an hour to get to my room...which is pirate themed in the most incredible way. But I'm only here for a night - my roommate wasn't able to get us a room in the conference hotel tonight, so we're a couple of miles away.

So I relaxed here for a bit, then went to the conference hotel to meet up with Grace, Veronica, and Barbara (my SF crew) for dinner. Amber (my roommate) went straight from the airport to the hotel/restaurant to join us, and it was all v. tasty and v. fun (with a waiter who seemed to be faking being Italian, but I could be too cynical).

And then we came home and tried to take selfies in the pirate bed and laughed until we cried, which is better than the crying I was doing last night, so I'll take it. Goodnight!

midnight in a perfect world

Today was an experiment in trying to be more productive that didn't actually result in any additional productivity...but I was still happy, so I'll chalk it up as a minor win. I woke up at 6:45 (shocker) so that I could call my parents, but I went downstairs to make tea first and ended up spending almost an hour talking to Tamara (and making eggs for breakfast). Then I called my parents - it was around the time I usually call them back home, but that meant I kind of interrupted the Super Bowl for them (and by 'kinda' I mean 'definitely', but it was the early part).

After that, I showered and went upstairs and worked for awhile. That was successful. Then I met up with Sanj and walked to Elephant Cafe for lunch - the original plan was to go to the ATM (very necessary), have lunch (slightly less necessary, but fun and delicious), and then go to yoga. Instead, we went to the ATM, had a long lunch, and skipped yoga entirely. Sanj left a couple of hours after we got there, but I stayed and tried to work for an hour, with v. mixed results since I was falling asleep the whole time despite all the coffee I had today.

So I walked home in the brutally oppressive heat, stopping to buy a pair of earrings and a couple of dresses (having cash is dangerous). Then I spent way too much time trying to cool off in my room before showering and going upstairs to work. The first hour and a half of work was actually great, but then I started talking to Tamara, and then Sanj showed up, and we started talking about fertility (which made me want wine, which I ordered, along with some nasi goreng because I was *starving*), and that turned into two glasses of wine, and then Sanj and Tamara spent a lot of time trying to get a French guy with a manbun to realize that he needs to break up with his girlfriend asap. At some point I realized that this conversation was 'no longer serving me' (in other words, I was wasting a lot of time on something that meant basically nothing to me), so I ran away to my room.

But it's too late to write tonight - I have to get up early again tomorrow so that I can go to Denpasar (the state capital) to get my fingerprints taken for my visa renewal. Goodnight!

when i dream, i dream of your lips

I made my escape from Rawlins today, and I successfully traversed the windswept plains of I-80 through Wyoming. There's something gorgeously desolate about that stretch of Wyoming - scrub and rocks leading to hills and mountains in the distance, with increasingly interesting, weathered, ancient rock formations that my grandfather would have loved. It was all lightly dusted with snow, and the wind whistling around my car added to the splendor.

Of course, the twenty+ truck drivers whose semis had been blown off the interstate weren't having such a splendid day; there's something shocking about seeing a semi on its side, even in conditions like these that are ripe for it. But I made it through without any issues, turning south at Laramie to head toward Colorado and my rendezvous with destiny (aka Katie).

I arrived in Denver around 1:30, and she and I made our escape and had a late lunch at Postino - it's a wine bar she'd taken me to once before, and I deeply enjoyed the bruschetta we got (I rarely get to have bruschetta, but they had an excellent gluten free bread, and so we ordered like eight of them). Then we got pedicures, which is way more brutal when one has to walk out of the salon in their free disposable flipflops into a slushy snowbank instead of into the 'cold' of San Francisco. Then we came home, hung out with the girls, welcomed James home, and eventually ordered dinner - I successfully replicated an evening in SF, since Patxi's (my favorite pizza place) has expanded from SF to Denver, and I was able to use Postmates to order it.

After the girls were in bed, we continued to talk about the wide variety of topics we'd covered throughout the day (family, politics, health issues, watches, instagram, homelessness, nomadic wanderings, small town life, etc.)...but now I'm desperate to sleep because I need to drive in the morning, and they're desperate to sleep because their small humans will likely wake them up early. Goodnight!

i gotta stay high all the time to forget i'm missing you

Allow me to start by saying that Katie is the oldest of best friends and the best of old friends, and that I shall love her until the bitter end. She is also a wonderful person with a hugely generous heart, and I enjoy watching how she is passing that on to her daughters. No matter how many miles separate us, I look forward to many future visits, and I hope that we grow to a fabulous old age together -- one in which we can still compare fashion notes, ogle firefighters, and reminisce about how awful junior high was, preferably while drinking delightful cocktails and wearing dark glasses and telling kids to get off our lawn. I've loved spending time with her this weekend, and I can't wait to come back.

That said, toddlers are fucking monsters sometimes.

I woke up at five a.m. to shower so that I could assist in the get-out-the-door process (where my assistance was mostly limited to eating the scrambled eggs that James made, and making myself some iced coffee to survive the trip). We were headed to Pikes Peak and had tickets for the 8am train to the top, and we couldn't be late. The drive down was almost lovely - the sun was coming up, and there was no traffic, and there was the possibility of a great day ahead.

But then Julia threw up approximately ten minutes before we reached our destination (car sickness is no fun, as I know), which set things off on a swift decline. We made it onto the train (after some cleaning occurred), but I'm sure Julia wasn't feeling all that chipper, which was a bummer. The train ride up was really pretty - the scenery is gorgeous, with lots of waterfalls and rock formations and aspen, etc.

Pikes Peak itself, though, was a frozen hellscape. They had closed the highway up because of wind, if that's any indication...apparently the winds were gusting to fifty miles per hour (I believe it), and the windchill factor was 17 degrees. This was way too fucking cold. Also, at 12,000 feet, altitude issues kick in pretty fast, and I was feeling somewhat woozy and lightheaded by the end of our forty minutes at the top. The girls didn't wander outside at all, and we mostly spent the time huddled in the snackbar at the top, where James bought $11 lollipops out of pure desperation, and the temperature of my ovaries quickly dropped to match the temperature outside.

So then we took the train down, which was still lovely, and it was gorgeous in Manitou Springs by the time the train pulled into the depot. I was still feeling pretty delighted at this point, and we went to a brewery in town for lunch - the food itself was average, but I had a glass of wine and we sat on the patio and enjoyed the sun/shade, and that was all great...

...until we got back in the car and it was going to take almost twice as long to get home as it took to get there, and Julia threw up approximately ten minutes into the drive, and we all began to melt down. I shall draw a veil over the rest of it, because it's a memory best left behind, but suffice it to say that we got back to Katie and James's a little before four and promptly fell apart (and by that I mean the adults were all wandering around like soulless zombies and the children were refusing to acknowledge that they were tired).

At some point I realized I really needed to get out of the house or I was going to go mad (I'm not used to not walking, and also I had recklessly eaten a Kind bar and had part of a Sprite and ordered corn tortilla tacos for lunch, so I think my body was flipping out over corn/sugar). I thought about seeking out a wine store so I could take the edge off (recommended dose: two bottles), but thought better of it and went to Black Eye, where I restored my equilibrium with a dose of hipster life by sipping a cold brew iced coffee in an uncomfortable rocking chair (mission accomplished). James and the girls went on a walk and joined me for a bit, and then they left, and eventually I returned to the house and the remainder of my visit.

Katie was going to cook dinner, but I convinced her to order takeout instead, which I think was the right call. The girls stayed up relatively late since they weren't tired after the naps they took this afternoon, but eventually they went to bed and order was restored. Katie and I then retreated to the basement, where we watched the first half of the remake of 'The Man from U.N.C.L.E." However, we couldn't finish it since we're beyond tired, so I'll have to watch the rest of it myself.

And so ends my visit - it really was lovely, and I had a delightful time. Tomorrow it's back to the grind - and while my life hasn't seemed like a grind the last couple of months, summer is over and playtime is over, too.  San Francisco and a lot of writing await - goodnight!

all i need is to be struck by your electric love

As I was driving home today via the scenic route, with the wind whipping through my still-curled bridesmaid hair and the scent of dozens of roses from stolen wedding bouquets swirling around me, I felt like I'd somehow performed a hard reset on my body/soul/spirit this weekend - I felt more drained than I've felt in recent memory, and yet somehow relaxed and weightless (although weightless is not true in the literal sense - my steady diet of cake and bourbon over the past month has gotten out of hand, and I need to fix that immediately). And my exhaustion should have been obvious this afternoon - I got home and made two trips up from my car with stuff, but then abruptly tumbled onto the couch and fell asleep for thirty minutes (which I wish had been thirty hours).

But the wedding was wonderful, and my posts the last couple of days probably didn't do justice to how much fun I had and how great the event was (and also how disgustingly in love Ritu and Bill are). There were a lot of really hilarious moments, a lot of really ridiculous moments (any wedding planner who doesn't think to wear a watch is probably in the wrong business), a lot of Adit moments, and a few emotional moments (for the record: I cried briefly during their vows, but mostly held it together). I knew more people than usual at this wedding, since many of my college friends were there + I'd met a bunch of the med school women at the bachelorette + I knew some of Bill's friends/family from other activities over the last few years - so it was fun to catch up with people whom I haven't seen in ages, and also to deepen my acquaintance with people who seem fun and interesting.

However, as I said last night, I blew past all my limits Friday, and then I had to put my game face back on for Saturday and summon my extrovert reserves to get through emceeing the reception. I was successful at this, although I did gnaw meat off a lambchop bone while standing up and waiting to announce something like I was a fucking barbarian. Luckily, only a couple of guys at my table saw me do that, but it was probably made better by the Burger King-style crown I'd acquired by that point in the evening. So, that performance tapped out the rest of my energy, which is why I escaped earlier than planned last night to curl up in bed instead.

But I rallied this morning for a few hours - I packed up my stuff and then went to the farewell brunch (eggs and potatoes and a lot of coffee were exactly what I needed), and I said farewell to people. But I didn't end up leaving until 1pm, even though I checked out at 11; thanks to my proximity to the venue + my inability to say no, I came home with two bouquets (plus Ritu's bouquet, which I'm going to try to do something with), two dozen white roses, a bunch of alcohol (including more Jack Daniels than I have any desire to drink), popcorn, chips, sparkling water, four pillows, etc., etc.

Eventually, though, I was all loaded up, and so I said my final farewells to Ritu and Bill and their families. But Ritu's sister and mom told me to invite them to my wedding so they can work, so I should probably look for a spouse so I can get some payback, right?

Then I drove home, taking a slight detour through the redwoods rather than going down 101 (which was probably about the same speed but way prettier). I also stopped at In'n'Out to help with my recovery. Then I got home, unloaded some stuff, fell asleep, woke up, and called my parents. And then I spent the evening trying and failing to put things away and watching swimming coverage from Thursday and Friday (I miraculously didn't get spoiled on anything except one of those swimming races, so it was all exciting to me - I'm going to catch up on the rest tomorrow, hopefully).

Now, though, I'm desperate to sleep - I should have gone to bed three hours ago, but the Olympics beckoned. Goodnight!

okay ladies now let's get in formation

Today was a wonderful way to kick the Olympics off in style. Of course, now I'm tired and v. happy that I have tomorrow to be completely hermity before a week of craziness - but today was #worthit.

I got up at 8:30 and immediately baked two cakes - a lemon cake and a blueberry cake (both gluten free). The Olympic Rings Cakes (tm) are traditionally five cakes, and are traditionally full of food coloring - but the last time I baked all five cakes, I ended up throwing away the equivalent of two cakes, and also we're all much classier than we used to be and are somewhat averse to food coloring. So I didn't dye the blueberry cake blue, which I think was a sign of great forbearance on my part (and also the cake looked way better than it does when it's blue).

After the cakes were baked, I did some other things to get ready - I went to Whole Foods to buy fancy cheese and dairy products, and I went to BevMo to stock up on rum and cachaça (where I ran into Julie and Brian, who were stocking up for their own party tonight - too bad we accidentally booked over each other), and I took a shower, and I prepped a gallon of mai tais and a pitcher of mojitos. Shockingly, though, I was mostly on time in terms of getting things ready for the party - usually I'm still cooking when people show up, but this time I was basically done when people arrived, so I was able to enjoy myself.

And it turns out that that's a good thing - far more people arrived than I had anticipated, which means that I actually had a mostly-accurate amount of food for the first time ever (we got through all six fancy cheeses! and a ton of guac, and two and a half bags of chips, and most of the cake, and all the mojitos/mai tais). I had only gotten confirmations from ~12 people as of last night, and somewhere around 25 people showed up (not counting infants), which made for a super fun, super crowded situation. I live in a studio, which is probably not designed for 25 people - but it all felt lovely despite that.

John and Jess (and Ian) were the first to arrive, and they were followed shortly thereafter by Oniel, whom I hadn't seen in years (possibly almost five years, although I think I saw him another time in the intervening half-decade). Walter and Carson and their baby showed up right before Oniel, although their baby was the youngest of the child army and so mostly slept through the whole thing. There was a flurry of arrivals after that - Adit and Priyanka came (with Vihaan), and Anthony (whose hair is reaching peak 80s band), and Dan (whom I hadn't seen in ages), and Vidya, and Justin, and Marco (Claude's brother), and Terry (still in town, although she leaves in the morning), and Lauren and Nathan (and Finley), and Claudia and her boyfriend Sam, and Sheila and Rajiv (Sheila is perhaps the only person who was as excited about the Olympics as I was).

That all turned into a full house, and some people absconded to the terrace with their wine, while others (mostly John/Anthony/Dan) talked about the Guns 'n' Roses concert that they're going to, and we all drank mojitos and mai tais, and Anthony and I very ill-advisedly tasted both the cachaças (turns out that the one he brought is infinitely better than the one that I bought this morning, but they are both terrible). Also, Adit left and then came back and then kept saying goodbye for an hour, as he does. Also, John did inappropriate things with my fake baby (Prom King), including putting him up on the skylight over my bed (which is reachable from my terrace). Also, Lauren's son unexpectedly tried to eat my nose, so if he has any diseases in his saliva, I'm pretty sure I inhaled all of them.

The party started to clear out around six (with a temporary clearing earlier when Vidya and a couple of others went to Taco Bell, although they came back), but then the second round of the party happened - just when it was down to Rajiv/Sheila/Justin, Jesse and Maya showed up, and so did Raja, and also Katrina and Annie. Round two was more lowkey (or at least it had a higher average age, since there were no children), but no less fun - we talked about a variety of ridiculous things, and Raja made some entertaining pronouncements about how easily we could all do gymnastics, and we cleared out the rest of the cheese and mai tais, much to my relief. And Jesse gave me an Olympics medal, which was v. sweet (especially after he had basically forced me to give him one with his crazy eyes - I award medals mostly at random, but it was nice to get one back).

Everyone left around nine, and I ran the dishwasher and watched gymnastics and vegged and inadvertently napped until now. And now I am going to go to bed and revel in the fact that I don't have to set an alarm tomorrow and don't have to do anything or see anyone or cook anything or prepare anything - the full extent of my ambitions is to clean the kitchen (almost done anyway), get coffee, watch some olympics, and maybe read a book about gardening. Yay. Goodnight!

imma wade, imma wave through your shallow love

Today was about as perfect of a capstone as I could ask for on this east coast trip - I'm sad to leave tomorrow, but also excited to wear some clothes that haven't been in my suitcase for the past two weeks, so it's probably time to get back to the city of sin. But Boston, Provincetown, and New York were everything I wanted, so it will be bittersweet to say goodbye.

But that's not for a few hours yet, so let's recap. My morning/midday/afternoon will be exceedingly uninteresting to you - I got up, showered, and then spent a couple of hours at Irving Farms, where I ate mediocre eggs and tasty gluten-free toast with avocado, and drank some hipster iced coffee while writing. Then, I was going to take a call with my editor from Terry's apartment, but I couldn't get the keys due to an unexpected snafu, so I went to another cafe and talked to the editor there instead. The verdict seems to be that I'm overreacting about hating this book and that it's all fixable, but we'll see.

Then, I was going to come back to Terry's, but the key situation was still a problem. So then I was going to go to Starbucks, but that didn't feel appealing - so I ended up at Cafe Tallulah, which is a French bistro that would be my Des Amis equivalent if I lived in this neighborhood. I sat at the bar to dry out (it was raining and I got exceedingly wet), and I wrote while eating some truffle fries and drinking an excellent pinot noir. My 'give me free alcohol' face must have been working today, because the server gave me a 'splash for the road', which turned into a full glass, which meant I drank more than I intended. But the work I got done there was pretty valuable, so #noregrets.

Then I finally came back to Terry's, and we talked about life and generally relaxed and drank cosmos and then ordered/ate some gluten free pizza that was really tasty. We also watched James Corden's Carpool Karaoke with the 'Hamilton' creator + some other Broadway stars, and it was totally awesome - definitely watch it.

And then we progressed to the main event - we had tickets to see Beyoncé tonight at Citi Field (the Mets stadium), and so we took the subway over. The opening act was DJ Khaled with a bunch of people whom we'd mostly never heard of because we're old (so old that I could only roll my eyes when the kid behind me was begging his friend to let him use her snapchat in exchange for $80, and she declined the offer). But he was mercifully over eventually, and then we watched some ads for Beyoncé's athletic wear clothing line, and then there were some music videos....

And then Beyoncé came out, and it was like the heavens parted and we were temporarily raptured for two hours, only to be brutally dumped back into the apocalyptic hellscape that we inhabit (okay, sorry, NYC isn't a hellscape, but SF is). Everything was incredible - from the main stage (involving a massive cube with screens on all sides, which kept rotating/opening/closing/occasionally shooting fire), to the catwalk out to the secondary stage (the catwalk had moving walkways to make the dancers appear to float sometimes; the secondary stage seemed normal until the end, when it became a shallow pool they cavorted in), to the costumes, to the dancers, and everything and anything in between.

But Beyoncé herself is an incredible artist, and there were parts of her performance that left me in awe. It helped that we had great seats and I could actually see her at various points, which was amazing (I mean, I've been closer to way more important musicians, like Gavin Rossdale, but this was pretty cool too). So Terry and I had an awesome time singing and dancing around and generally being inspired.

But all good things must end, and after she told us she could see her halos (which was nice of her to say), we left and braved the hordes of people to get on the subway back to Manhattan. We were lucky and got seats on the train, so it could have been way worse. And we made it back safely, and still in awe, and it was all great.

Now, though, I must sleep - my flight isn't early tomorrow, but I want to get some rest so that I can work on the plane without wanting to sleep the whole way. If Beyoncé can drop this surprise album and build an elaborate tour around it, I can surely write a fucking book this summer. Goodnight!

if you ain't gonna do me right, i might just do you in

Boston's climate today was a frozen hellscape - it was thirty degrees cooler than it was yesterday. At first, we were super psyched about this since we almost died from the sun yesterday...but we were cold all afternoon/evening, and the fact that we weren't sweating constantly means we didn't get dehydrated, which means we had to use the gross portable toilets more than once (although to be fair, they were significantly cleaner than could have been expected at this stage in the game).

However, cooling off was welcome, if only because it might not be too hot in the apartment to sleep tonight. I spent this morning lazing about in bed since I needed to recover from several nights of no sleep - I'm not all the way there yet, but this morning went a long way toward restoring me. After I woke up, Ritu and I sat on the couch and watched "Lemonade" (Beyonce's recent music video/movie) - we'd already tried to watch it twice while doing wedding invitation stuff, but we decided to watch it this morning so we could focus on the production. It was pretty off the wall crazy, and I loved all of it.

But eventually we had to go see live music instead of video music. But first we had brunch tapas at Barcelona, which is in their neighborhood - I've never had brunch tapas before, but these were so fucking delicious. Ritu and I split the spicy shrimp and grits (good news: I was able to eat two shrimp without throwing up, and I had oysters the other night, so I'm hopefully that I'll get over my seafood aversion at some point), and we also split the crispy pork belly with this really fresh, delightfully tart tomatillo salsa, which was probably my favorite thing. I also had the short rib hash with an egg on top, which gave the pork belly a run for its money - the short ribs were perfectly cooked and falling apart, and the egg on top of the potatoes/peppers was a nice touch. I finished off with some patatas bravas (fried potatoes with spicy mayo/aioli), which were not strictly necessary, but were v. welcome.

Of course, we also had two cocktails each, because that's apparently how we roll. Then we went to the festival for day three - and unlike yesterday, once we got there we stayed there. As I mentioned, we were all cold (although we were at least dressed more appropriately than a lot of people there) - but it was a really fun afternoon/evening. We saw Vince Staples first - he was a rapper whose intrasong commentary was totally hilarious (railing against drug use and 'youth culture', encouraging kids to go to college - did I mention he's 22?). Then, Charles Bradley and His Extraordinaires performed - he has an amazing soul/blues voice, and dresses like he has been famous forever (or dresses like Vidya, maybe), but I looked him up and he's in his mid-sixties but just released his first album a few years ago (before that, he was homeless, and at some point a chef, and then a James Brown impersonation act).

After that came the Front Bottoms, which we mostly skipped in favor of finding someplace out of the wind where we could drink some wine. Elle King was after that, and she may have been my favorite performance of the night - she sings 'Exs and Ohs', which I've loved for awhile, as well as a lot of other great, raspy-voiced songs of note. Oddly, she's also the daughter of Rob Schneider, and you can kind of see it on her face if you know it (but would never ever guess otherwise).

After Elle King, we grabbed some food from the food stands, and then we watched Janelle Monae, Haim, and Disclosure, with random breaks at certain points for more wine. All three of them were great - I particularly liked how female-centric today was and how strong the female vocalists were. So the festival ended on a high note, and I would definitely consider coming back - it was nice to do a city festival that was still not that crowded and still easy to get a lyft to/from (we only waited four minutes after the concert ended for a lyft, which would never happen in SF).

Then we came home, ordered pizza (because we're now all wired to require a midnight supper), and watched half of Zoolander 2 because I recommended it and Ritu and Bill are gullible. And now I need to sleep - I have stuff I want to do with Ritu and Bill tomorrow (mostly eat food, drink, and do some wedding stuff), and then I'm catching a ferry to my next destination tomorrow afternoon, where I shall write like a madwoman all week. Goodnight!

my hips don't lie

I'm totally full, totally out of words, and mostly delighted (with a little bit of malaise, because hey, you wouldn't know what to do with me if I didn't have a tinge of cynical bitterness, right?). When I woke up this morning, I ignored everything that I had realized over the last few days and decided to try to write in the morning - which resulted in sitting on the couch in yoga pants, procrastinating and falling into fear spirals and monkey mind. But if that's the first time this week that it happened, I'll take it.

However, I pulled myself out, got some administrative work done, ate some lunch, and then drove to the Mission - my mission was to get my bangs trimmed, which means I can now see again (even if I prefer it when I look like a bitchy supermodel...but I'm hoping I timed it so that I get back to that stage while I'm in Hawaii rather than holed up in my apartment). Then, I adjourned to Ritual, where I wrote for an hour while drinking a latte - the writing went pretty well, actually, and the latte (the first real one I've had in ages, since I've mostly been drinking iced coffees at home) was delish.

Then I came home, intended to write some more here, and totally failed again. But I didn't have all that long to work - I had dinner plans at six p.m. at Rich Table with the original Jen Lui. We've decided to have the occasional super fancy dinner, and this one lived up to expectations (at least, to the expectations of fanciness).

We ended up doing the chef's menu, which was a seven-course tasting with everything selected by the chef. They were surprisingly accommodating of my gluten issues (I guess I shouldn't be surprised, since most of SF is, but I was assuming that I wouldn't be able to do the tasting menu, and they wowed me). And I've got to say, the first course was incredible - it was a selection of bites from their appetizers/first courses, and it was all delicious. Even the salad was perfect, and I don't usually rave about salad. But we each got an oyster, and a potato chip with a sardine on it (which was somehow great, even though when I typed it I instinctively wanted to throw up), and a bunch of other deliciousness that I can't name now.

The rest of the courses were just the slightest bit hit or miss for me - most of them were hits, and I really liked the gluten free pasta (after I got over how many seeds were on top), and the petrale sole was delicious. There were a couple of bites that were slightly too odd for me (the panna cotta with chili and other spices during the first course wasn't my favorite, and I think the only thing I really didn't like was the combo of black garlic sauce with the ribeye, which my Iowa heart thought was a waste of a good steak), but the dessert (coconut tapioca, espresso-flavored mousse, and yuzu ice) made up for it.

And, of course, the conversation was great - we covered a wide variety of topics, including the prequel to the Babysitters Club series that Jen had loaned me awhile ago, as well as work, the city, adventures in growing older, etc., etc. Hopefully we'll keep up this tradition of having the occasional fancy meal, since it's definitely fun to try new places (even though I like the old places, as you all know).

After that, I walked Jen most of the way to the BART, and then I walked myself home (but it was still early enough that I didn't see anyone particularly crazy or dangerous). Then I procrastinated on my phone and did nothing until I realized that I needed to crawl into bed immediately - I have high hopes of getting some writing done in the morning (because I apparently didn't learn my lesson this morning, but I'm going to try going to a cafe when I get up and see what happens - it used to work for me, and maybe it will work again). Goodnight!

shut up and dance with me

Programming note: I intend to blog for the next few days as per usual...but there is a snowstorm bearing down upon us, and there is a chance we will lose power (perhaps for days), which may mean internet disappearance. Also, my phone is working somewhat sporadically and I may not be receiving all texts appropriately - so if you texted me since I've been in Iowa and I haven't responded, pls try again. Thank you for your understanding.

And now, back to your regularly scheduled content!

Today was quite fun, although I should have saved the title of yesterday's post for today, because 'all I really know is I don't want to know' is all too appropriate for recapping a family game of Cards Against Humanity. Uncle Mark, Aunt Kathy, and Drewbaby came down for the day, and we spent it playing games and eating leftovers (and the chili I made yesterday). First up was Balderdash, which we hadn't played in years (decades?) - it involves making up definitions for super obscure words, and then trying to guess the real definition rather than picking someone else's made-up definition instead. Unfortunately, everyone in this group is super smart (well, once we figured out that initialing our cards with 'w's didn't work in this group), so it made for a highly challenging and mentally taxing game. But it was still fun to play it, and I'm glad we dug it out of the games closet after so many years (but I may be biased, since I won both rounds - that's not even a #humblebrag, that's just a #brag).

After we tired of Balderdash, we switched to Cards Against Humanity, and we played that until it was time for the northern branch of the family to go home. As per usual, we learned far too much; it's slightly awkward to play with two sets of parents and their children, and I learned something about my physiological inheritance that should either make me feel #blessed or #nauseated (I'm going with #blessed, but others at the table may feel differently). There was also some discussion of a sex dungeon involving Barry Goldwater campaign buttons that I will never be able to bleach from my mind, but c'est la vie.

sssanyway. After the family left, I downloaded some books to my ipad in preparation for possible power outages, and I've got everything charging, etc. I also drank some tea and watched some fine CBS programming (mostly the news and its dire predictions for snow). And now, I'm going to sleep and hope that tomorrow's winter wonderland is heavy on wonder and light on winter - goodnight!