it's the heart that matters more

Today was mostly frustrating, but I finally remembered to chill the fuck out at the end of it, so at least I'm ending the weekend on a positive note. I spent the morning doing bookkeeping-type stuff, since I'm trying to turn this writing thing into a real business with better records (as opposed to the old system, in which I throw all receipts into a box and spend two days during tax season sorting through them all, which guarantees a) misery and b) that I missed things I should have deducted). And I spent the afternoon trying to write, but I'm feeling blocked and unhappy and generally anxious about finishing it to my satisfaction in the time I've allotted myself (which I realize is a crazy self-imposed deadline that has no basis in reality).

So when I had my usual call with my parents, I took it from the roof deck so I could get some much-needed fresh air. Then I ran a couple of errands and was going to come home and try to write some more, but I realized that trying to force it tonight was just going to make me cranky and continue the burnout. So I grabbed a coffee (and sat for half an hour daydreaming + eavesdropping on an AA sponsor meeting), and then had family time dinner with Adit, Priyanka, Katrina, and Akash at a Koreanish restaurant near Adit and Priyanka's place. Family time was just what the doctor ordered; we had to go around and discuss what we learned last week, what we'll change, what will make us faster, and how we can be more social (because these are obvious questions to ask over dinner). My realization was that I should have taken either yesterday or today off-off despite my deadline, which frustrates me to no end but is probably something I need to force myself to do more often. Ugh. But I was not the only one who was feeling stressed, and I didn't almost get killed by a crazy man in a laundromat like some people, so I guess all in all I'm in okay shape.

So that was all lovely. And then I came home, painted my nails, regretted painting my nails for a split second when I felt a minor earthquake and was worried I'd have to ruin my nails and take cover if it turned major, and have just written this post. And now I'm going to go to sleep - goodnight!