unfair we're not somewhere misbehaving for days

I had a good day, all in all - I got up in time to have a lovely bit of silence with my coffee, meditation, and a bit of journaling, and then I slogged all day. The slogging was pretty productive, so I paused for a happy hour and then didn't unpause. The first happy hour was with my friend Nicole and we talked about work most of the time, so I'm counting it as work - but I was drinking a moscow mule, so it didn't feel too onerous.

Then I sent a few more emails, logged off for the day, and had a video chat with Terry and Lauren (aka Subz). We were overdue for a catch-up, so I'm glad we made it happen. It seems that a lot of people are hitting local minimas these days, as it continues to be reinforced how not-normal life is going to be for a long time. So, all we can do is band together and have ridiculous video chats and dream of other, better days.

As soon as we hung up, while the phone was still in my hand, Chandlord called me. She was going for a walk and talking while she walked, so I went outside and walked around my block multiple times while we chatted. I only walked around the block because it looked like it might storm - and that proved accurate. We talked for awhile, and I made the best jhoke of my life, thus hitting a global maxima that will never be repeated. Then I came inside, ate some takeout sushi, and as I was eating takeout sushi it began to hail.

Things got a wee bit dramatic then - I put on a foot mask (wrapping acid around my feet to dissolve the dead skin that has accumulated after several months barefoot without pedicures), which meant that my feet were wrapped in slippery plastic and covered with socks to hold them on. But then it started to thunder/lightning quite intensely. And in the middle of that, something (smoke alarm? CO alarm?) started chirping upstairs. I assumed it was the smoke alarm, and it was in a place in the hallway where the chirp reverberated enough that it was hard to tell exactly where it was coming from. So I went to the basement (in my plastic-encased feet), got my ladder and some 9V batteries, dragged the ladder up two flights of stairs, put a new battery in, and realized it was still chirping. Then I discovered the battery was expired. So I went back down and got fresh batteries and tried again. That ended that bit of chirping, which I may have caused by putting in an expired battery...because then I realized it was the CO alarm that was plugged into the wall.

So I had to get another battery, but changing that battery fixed the problem. Still, standing on a ladder with slippery feet, precariously near my stairwell, with thunder/lightning outside was more excitement than I wanted for the night. So now, after having caught up on Animal Crossing and done some various tings around the house, it's time to unwind for the night - goodnight!

i've done did a lot of shit just to live this here lifestyle

Tonight was one of those nights where I went out but kinda secretly hoped to be back by ten p.m.....and instead it's a quarter til four, and Adit and Vidya and a lot of small decisions yielded a big night out. Granted, I actually got home at 2:45ish, but that's a far cry from spending the evening looking at pics of the royal tour in Canada and possibly reading something....

But it was all worth it. I spent the day working (or pretending to work, more like it), but eventually I showered and made myself pretty for an early dinner with Chandlord, Adit, and Minnie and Ambar (Minnie was a college friend; Ambar was Priyanka's friend in business school; Priyanka introduced them and they got married a month ago). We went to Dos Pistos over in North Beach - I never go to North Beach and have never been to Dos Pistos, but I was pleasantly surprised by how tasty my carnitas tacos were. At that point, I was still feeling like calling it a night early....

But then we went to the main plan for the night, which was a comedy show at Cobb's Comedy Club. The main act was Hari Kondabalu, who was extremely funny; the previous acts were all great as well, although I particularly enjoyed the guy who pretended to be his Cuban immigrant father talking about how his son (the comedian) is a total fuck-up, and who also 'translated' the song 'La Bamba' into English. But Hari Kondabalu was worth seeing - I thought his act was quite strong, and it was fun to see comedy live since it's been quite awhile since I've done that.

There was a two drink minimum at the comedy club, so Adit and I both drank boulevardiers, and Chandlord had irish coffee to keep herself going. This ended up amping us up, so the five of us walked back into the heart of North Beach to grab another drink. The cocktails at this place were tasty, and I enjoyed my bourbon continuation there. But then as I was going to order another round, I somehow inadvertently made friends with someone behind the bar, who completely unexpectedly comped me a shot of vodka (#protip: make friends with the bartender). Then, Chandlord stopped me from ordering another round because they'd decided to go elsewhere...so I thanked the bar dude and went off on my merry way (with more vodka in my belly than I had intended to have tonight).

Adit, Chandlord and I split off from Ambar (who at this point had sent Minnie home and found his friend Sriram instead) and took a lyft to Geary Club, since at this point the night had descended to full-blown nostalgia. Geary Club used to be a dive, and it still technically is (they were playing SNL on the tv and the bartender is a good thirty-forty years older than us, and we got three drinks for $14, which is noteworthy), but it feels more brightly lit and way less divey now that you can't smoke inside.

Eventually, Ambar and Sriram reconnected with us, and we went down the street and smoked hookah (extremely unusual for me, but I liked it, even after someone accidentally knocked one over and nearly set my dress on fire) Then, we went to Grubstake and had cheesy potatoes, because that's what we have to do.

And now, I need to sleep - the sun is going to rise all too soon, and I'll have to start paying the wages of my sins while also getting something done. Goodnight!

baby you're like lightning in a bottle

Ritu and Bill are married! Yay! Can I be excused now?

j/k, of course. I mean, j/k to my request to be excused, not to their marriage. Although since I have the marriage license in my possession and have been asked to mail it, it's possible that their marriage won't legally happen either (insert evil laugh, even though we all know I like checking things off lists too much to let that one slide).

However, I'm fucking exhausted...so much so that I slipped out of the party without saying goodbye at 12:30, and am ignoring the music still pumping nearby so that I can get some sleep. I blew past all my limits last night, which made this morning rough - I theoretically didn't have to get up until ten, but I woke up at seven (after four hours of sleep) and never fully fell back asleep again. I should have brought my earplugs - remind me to just always keep them on hand. So, four hours of sleep, on top of the five I got Thursday night (plus all the stress of driving), and the five I got the night Bill stayed with me, and the other short nights due to Olympics watching have combined to totally wreck me.

It was all worth it, though. I spent the morning getting ready, failing to caffeinate (another major problem), taking care of tings, getting my hair done (a ridiculous experience), and eventually getting Chandlord to help me wrap my sari. The wedding pictures were at one, and then the baarat was at two - that involved Bill sitting on a horse while we all danced around him and led him to the wedding site. Eventually, we all walked down the aisle and took our seats for an incredibly long ceremony (so long that I got up and got lemonade at some point) - but I liked the priest, who had a ridiculous sense of humor and storytelling.

Then we did more bridal photos, and then I changed out of my sari and into a cute dress that wasn't nearly warm enough for nighttime even though it would have been perfect this morning. The reception was fun - the signature cocktails were named 'master of disaster' (for Ritu, bourbon-based) and the 'transatlantic romantics' for Bill, replete with gin. I went master of disaster all the way, even though buorbon wasn't what I really wanted after last night's extravaganza.

I enjoyed my table (Claude/boyfriend, Adit/Priyana, Robert and his husband (I haven't seen Robert in a decade, perhaps)), and we played some madlibs and generally had a good time. I had to keep breaking to go on stage and announce things (along with Vidya and Chad), but it seemed like everything went smoothly. And I rocked a Burger King hat, so there's that.

But now, after a long, entertaining conversation in the bitter cold (where I probably offended Priyanka by telling her she looked like an Indian auntie giving advice), and having a catch-up convo with Shen, and a brief conversation with Keith......

But I'm falling asleep as I write this, so I'm going to cut it short. Suffice it to say that the wedding itself was gorgeous, as were the bride and groom (face it, mostly the bride), and I had a great time. I shall tell you more someday, perhaps - but tonight I'm desperate for sleep and so this is all you get. Goodnight!

near, far, wherever you are

I continue to spend too much time messing around with my laptop, but today was a pretty productive day with some fun at the end of it. I spent the morning doing some work inside - I wanted to approve the print proof of my paperback, which I accomplished, so it should be available in print in the next few days. And I took a break to eat a sandwich with my mom - I bought my favorite canned tuna at Whole Foods the other day (twelve cans, to be exact), and I toasted some gluten free bread, and it was all delicious.

Then she went to do some stuff at the round barn, and my dad was off running errands, and [censored] was doing whatever [censored] does. So I went out to the back porch to work, which meant I had to scare the kittens - they hid from me for an hour after, but eventually they realized the patio is the best place to be even if I'm scary, so they rejoined me.

My afternoon was mostly consumed with writing my friends and family newsletter, which is totally different from my fan newsletter (the fan newsletter was critical to send out Wednesday so that I could drive sales; this one is more for fun). If, for some reason, you're not on the friends and family newsletter and would like to be, you can sign up here - it's mostly full of jokes and only happens when I have a new release (and sometimes not even then - I think I hadn't sent this one out since Prudence's book, which was ages and ages ago).

sssanyway. I got all the jokes sent out just in time, and then I showered and said a rapid farewell to the family and absconded with my mom's car so I could go to Centerville and have dinner with Hannah. We were in the same class in school, and we were (er, are) also cousins of some kind (third? fourth?). She's the naturalist at a park near our hometown, but I don't always see her when I come home since sometimes my trips are more limited in nature. But it was great to see her tonight - we had dinner at the Mexican restaurant in town (verdict: tasty but not as tasty as where [censored] took me on Tuesday), and then we went to her place and hung out with her husband on their back patio. He also went to high school with us, although he was older, so I didn't know him as well when we were in school - but they started dating then and are still together, so it was good to see him and catch up.

So we had a generally delightful time until it got dark, and I decided to drive home before I got sleepy. Once I got here, I talked to my mom and watched tv until too late, and then I spent the last hour and a half messing around with ads stuff when I should have been sleeping. I'm going to rectify that mistake immediately - goodnight!

blood is like wine, unconscious all the time

I'm still not nearly caught up on sleep, but today was a v. lovely day. I slept close to ten hours, then ate some sausage, then showered, then had Thanksgiving dinner (aka lunch) with my parents and my brother. This is the first time the four of us have ever had Thanksgiving by ourselves; even in Ukraine, our grandparents came to visit that week, so we weren't alone then either (although I doubt that it was as tasty as today's meal). But it was all smashingly delicious and the solitude was actually kind of nice (this shouldn't surprise you, since I am a hermit).

The four of us eventually started playing a game of Rail Baron, which we weren't able to finish today. We were just getting into a groove when Sammi, my oldest niece, came over with her daughter. I hadn't spent any quality time with them in ages, so it was nice that they came; we hung out for an hour or two, and I was reminded that a) children can be super adorable (Sammi's daughter is four and is highly intelligent and very cute) and b) children can also be really sticky. So sticky that I'm not sure I can have kids (see hermity tendencies above - I am not used to being sticky). But it was fun to see them, and hopefully we'll see them again at Christmas.

After she left, [censored] and I went down to [censored] to leave water for the [censored], and then we all got back into Rail Baron. Sadly, we didn't finish tonight, so we're going to have to finish tomorrow - and by then, everyone's luck may change, which could do bad things for me and good things for my father (whose dice rolling has been so massively unlucky that I may have wet myself at some point from laughing so hard). So now, I must sleep so that I can enjoy my last full day at home tomorrow - goodnight!

why don't you slide

Today was perfectly lovely, if I do say so myself. It was just the right combination of family, family time, old friends, even older friends, and general merrymaking. Of course, it started off brutally; I only got six hours of sleep, which is not enough for my octogenarian tendencies, and I had to roll out of bed and immediately clean my bathroom and go grocery shopping (my two least favorite things to do). But I was successful on all counts, and managed to pick my parents up in time for our 10:30am meeting with Vova, Oleg, and Daniel. Granted, I would have been late if I wasn't extremely aggressive in my maneuverings through the Tenderloin, but that's the way I roll.

So the six of us met up, and then we went down to the glorious south bay to tour my place of employment. It was a gorgeous day in Mountain View, so we had lunch outside, then saw my office (my minions, as one of them introduced himself, probably thought I was showing them off like zoo animals, so I hope that doesn't come back as feedback on my next review). Then we went to the onsite store, where my Ukrainian friends loaded up on gear (and I grew increasingly excited about the idea of rebranding Ukraine and having it be run by my current employer). After all that, we were supposed to go walk around Stanford, but everyone was tired, so we did a driving tour instead before coming back to the evil city.

At that point, it was time for me to switch from tour guide to chef. So we dropped them off at their hotel, swung by Philz to get coffee (I had to ask the barista which of their coffees was most similar to weak Folgers, which is not a request they get every day, but I think my mom liked their coffee better than Starbucks, so I suppose it was a success). Then we came home, and my parents hung out on the roof while I cooked. To be fair, my mom cut up all the strawberries (v. meticulously - it's clear where I get my perfectionist OCD tendencies). But I took my usual tack of making way too much food in way too many varieties -- really, it probably wasn't necessary to make steak, chicken, fish, fajita veggies, and tomato/potato/chard. But between my perfectionist tendencies and my friends' many and varied preferences and restrictions, this seemed like the best course of action.

Eventually, the party began - I had a bunch of my old friends over to meet my parents and Vova, and theoretically to talk to Daniel about US schools, although that didn't happen at all. Lauren and Nathan were the first to arrive (well, Terry was the first to arrive, but that shouldn't surprise you), and then Katrina showed up, followed up Adit and Priyanka and John and Jess. The Ukrainians also arrived relatively late, but they were just on time since the cheese and other appetizers were mostly gone but the real food was basically ready.

So we all sat around for a couple of hours telling stories, which provided some of the best laughs I've had in a v. long time. The ratio of ducks to hammer handles alone was a v. useful fact to learn. We also learned a lot about how to bribe (or not bribe) cops in Ukraine twenty years ago vs. now, the mating habits of small and large dogs (and people), the fact that Adit and I have nothing in common other than that we like to work, and other similarly important facts. My friends all disappeared by 10:30, but Vova, Daniel, and my parents stuck around for another hour talking. And then I packed them all into an Uber and sent them off into the night.

And now, I really really must sleep - I have some work to do in the morning, and then I need to take my parents to the airport before doing more work in the afternoon. Goodnight!

and it feels like home

Today was an utterly lovely day in the city of sin. [censored] flew in at nine a.m., which means I had to get up at 7:15, which was utterly barbaric - but since [censored] hadn't slept all night, I suppose I can't really complain. We had breakfast at Peter's Cafe in Millbrae, which was totally delicious. I pointed out the Hong Kong Flower Lounge to him, but it was both too early and too cruel to play shrimp or feet, so we abstained.

After breakfast, we drove into the city, and on a whim I drove across the Golden Gate Bridge so that he could see it without either of us freezing our asses off by getting out and walking on it. Also, see our trip to [censored], where we both discovered our fear of [censored], and you'll understand why the idea of walking on the bridge didn't appeal. So we got out at a viewpoint on the north side and observed it from a safe distance before going back into the city. We ended up at Fisherman's Wharf, where we killed forty-five minutes or so by watching some street performers and checking out the sea lions before our Alcatraz tour.

Alcatraz was lovely, even though I've already been there twice; less lovely is that I'm going again on Saturday, but c'est la vie. The weather was gloomy and cold, but then, the prison is gloomy and cold, so it didn't really matter. Also, the tour guide at the entrance was utterly ridiculous, telling us to look for something in the building behind us that 'looks like a Taco Bell' (it's a mission-style ruin) and telling everyone that they needed to be in 'tiptop shape' to make it up the hill, which is not at all true. But [censored] seemed to [censored], which made me happy, and we had plenty of time to explore before catching the ferry back. Luckily, neither of us [censored] over the side of the boat, unlike my grandfather all the way to Japan in WWII - the [censored] genes are apparently strong in us.

Post-Alcatraz, we sat for twenty minutes to recover our stomachs, then came back to my apartment, where [censored] [censored] while I caught up with Terry. Then, [censored] and I had supper at Roam, the burger place around the block from my apartment; [censored] asked if it was famous, since he recognized the name, but I pointed out that I blog about it often enough that it's probably famous solely amongst readers of this blog. Ha. After supper, I dropped him off at [censored], and now I should really sleep - I have to pick him up tomorrow at eight so that we can [censored], and since I have to look a little more put together tomorrow than I did today, sleep is essential. Goodnight!

nathan of the sea

Apologies for not blogging last night; I tried to blog after everyone else went to bed, but then the internet went down in the house and I couldn't get it to come back up. So if you thought I was dead, fear no more -- I am still alive, at least at 8:30am in Puerto Vallarta, and hope to remain so until my usual blog check-in tonight!

Yesterday was lovely, though; I don't know how it's possible, but the beach/sun/water may have been even more gorgeous yesterday than the two days prior. There had been vague talk of renting a boat to take us snorkeling, but those plans died -- it would be too dramatic to say there was a mutiny of all hands, since I don't think a mutiny can be accomplished through sheer laziness (and there wasn't a cutlass in sight). Instead, we sat around and had a wonderful breakfast (as all the breakfasts have been), and then Lauren and Terry went to the gym while Chandlord, Katrina and I went to the beach club (where our old waitstaff friends were happy to greet us, since they knew we would proceed to drink all day).

Chandlord and Katrina entered a weird vortex of incomprehensibility v. early on, and I was obsessing over Caro and Westbrook (the characters in the super secret novella I'm working on), so I put in my headphones and listened to music while working (which looks nothing like work, since I was just staring at the waves and occasionally making a note in my notebook). When Terry and Lauren came back, we all drank some more (pina coladas for me, and Isidro, my new best friend, makes them dobles), ate some food, slathered on the sunscreen (not well enough as events turned out), and hung out until the desire to have approximately twenty minutes of activity overtook us.

So Terry hung out on the beach chairs (under Isidro's watchful eye) while the rest of us went kayaking. I'd never been kayaking before, but Lauren did crew for awhile in college, so I parasitically got into a two-person kayak with her so I could enjoy all the advantages of kayaking without the death I might have found for myself amongst the rocks. Chandlord and Katrina were each on their own, and we didn't stay out super long; the weather and the water was gorgeous, but we weren't in the mood for a ton of work, and so Lauren and I "threaded the needle" between some giant rock clumps (I felt so proficient) and made it back to the beach. I sunburned my knees in the kayak, which annoyed me; I'd been v. good with sunscreen except for a patch I missed on my shoulder two days earlier, and I even wore a tshirt over my swimsuit to protect it yesterday, so burning my knees felt like an insult.

Post beach club, we came home, showered, had margaritas and guacamole at home (since the margaritas and guacamole made by the chef here are the best I've ever had), and then went to the Four Seasons to have cocktails at one of the bars overlooking the beach. Post-cocktails, we came home and had dinner -- Italian-inspired this time, with a caprese salad, some chicken dish (for me, Katrina, and Terry; Lauren got fish and Chandlord got veg), and a really awesome crustless cheesecake. The chef did an incredible job accommodating all of our various food preferences/allergies on this trip, since all five of us have different restrictions -- but everything the chef and his sous chef made for us was outstanding.

We sat around the table until bedtime, and then I tried to blog, and then I grew frustrated and went to bed. And now you're caught up, and you know I'm alive -- you're welcome. We're potentially going to the beach for a bit this morning, and then we have to leave for the airport at 1:30; I'll be home by sevenish, and then it's a mad dash to pack and get things sorted out before my flight to Iowa leaves tomorrow. Sad, since I could stay in Mexico forever, but I suppose I'll survive. Goodnight!

carry me home tonight

I had way too lazy of a day...there are a million things I feel like I need to do, and when I'm in that mode, I often shut down and stop working entirely. Sadness. I didn't wake up until almost eleven, and then I messed around and made some breakfast (v. yummy eggs) before spending a couple of hours starting to proofread the final version of SCOTSMEN. I eventually had to put it aside, though, so that I could get ready and venture out into the evil city; there were three or four different things that I was invited to today, but I prioritized Lauren (aka Subz) and the trunk show she hosted for her sister's charity. The charity (anchalproject.org) sells quilts made in India to provide support for the women who make the quilts and also to raise money for improving women's lives (I can't explain it well, I'm too tired, and really, we all know they had me at quilt).

I went over to Lauren's around 4:30 and stayed until after seven, which was longer than I intended to stay (see: the need to proofread + my lack of desire to do anything productive). But Katrina came too, and it was all quite lovely, and I caught up with some of Lauren's other friends, as well as Lauren's mom. And I got some mehndi done (henna tattoos, for those of you who aren't down with the lingo) -- the mehndi artist was great. She mixed her own henna with black tea and other stuff, so the henna smells like spices rather than rotting vegetable matter, which makes me v. happy. And I got to hang out with Lauren, which always makes me happy. I was even happy when she and her sister (who is her identical twin, fyi) conducted a full-court press to get me to buy a quilt at the very end. I had been tempted by one earlier, but left it aside since I have like ten Indian bedspreads (and had told Lauren repeatedly that I certainly don't need any more Indian bedspreads). But Lauren knew exactly which one, of all of them, I would have been likely to buy, and she brought it over and draped it on me, and then Devon (the sister) talked it up too, and then they both looked at me, and then I said that they were like pushers offering drugs to a known addict, which made them laugh even as they knew they had me in their clutches. So I bought the damn thing, and it's gorgeous and is in support of a good cause, so I don't actually regret it -- but really, I need more bedding like I need a hole in the head. I know, I'm crazy.

Post relapse, I gathered up my quilt and came home, where Terry and I watched the end of the Ohio State/Kansas game, then ordered takeout Indian food (ironic, since one of the other plans I skipped would have involved Indian food, and Lauren was serving Indian food as well) and watched the finale of "Project Runway All Stars" from a couple of weeks ago, followed by "New Girl." And now I need to sleep, or proofread, or brainstorm the gargoyles, or answer the hundreds of emails that are piling up...really, the list is endless. Goodnight!

swamperdoo

Chandlord and I arrived in Berlin, found our utterly lovely apartment, and promptly went out for dinner to a Chinese restaurant chosen solely because it's called Good Friends. And that, my friends, sums up my day - I'm blogging from a street corner where I can get Internet access, so read thevpost below for more about today. Goodnight!