find me where the wild things are

I meant to be in bed an hour ago, but wine and writing and laundry derailed me. Today was pretty good, all things considered - the morning was not productive enough (mostly because I spent it researching potential coworking spaces that could make me more productive, which was an insidious type of procrastination because it almost felt like work). But I made some iced coffee, meditated, and salvaged the rest of the day, so it's all good.

Of course, I couldn't salvage the day without picking up my packages downstairs, which included a gorgeous new fountain pen and a bottle of my favorite ink (a somewhat-impulse buy from last week, although I'd had my eye on a new pen for awhile). So of course I had to ink it up and test it out, and it exceeded all my expectations (and now I want to write with it again immediately, even though bed is more important). Yes, I'm a dork, but you knew that...and fountain pens are vital for my process because I'm a serious artist, so whatever.

After that, I walked down to the Marina and had lunch at my favorite cafe, where I talked to Tony for quite awhile. There was virtually no one in there by the time I got there, so he sat at my table and we discussed a broad variety of topics (and I told him about my horrific experience visiting the Little House in the Big Woods as a child, which he found quite entertaining). This was all good for my spirits, even if it wasn't good for my productivity (or my theoretically low-carb choices, since I had to get huevos rancheros because I'm still feeling leery about eating salmon and other fish-type situations after last week's food poisoning adventure, and so I couldn't get the salmon/poached eggs that I usually get when craving something healthier).

Eventually, I parted ways with Tony and went to Equinox, where I sat in the lobby and wrote for two hours. Then I was tempted to go home, but I forced myself to do the workout I had planned, which went well (although my calluses were almost gone and I'm having to rebuild them with the kettlebells, but that's not the end of the world).

Then I was still going to go home, but I needed to finish the scene I was working on, and I knew I wouldn't want to write if I got here. So I showered and dried my hair, but I hadn't brought my makeup bag, so I went to Sephora (conveniently on the same block) and 'tested' some tinted moisturizer and mascara. And then I went to Belga, which used to be Des Amis, and pretended that it was Des Amis and that it was totally cool for me to pull out my laptop and write over a glass of wine and some steak.

This turned out to be a good call - I got another ten pages or so, and I felt happy there despite the fact that it's all different (and the chairs in the bar area are stools rather than benches/chairs, which isn't quite as comfy). And either I just have a face that makes bartenders/waiters want to comp me stuff, or the Ghost of Des Amis whispered in my waiter's ear, because he declared that he was buying my second glass of rosé and comped it even though I'd never met him before, had only been to Belga once before, and I assume the Des Amis VIP list did not transfer to the new owners (and even if it did, I hadn't given them my name). Lolol. I will gratefully accept whatever luck it is that gets me free drinks, and ignore the possibility that I'm burning my luck on drinks instead of books.

Eventually, though, my eyes were about to fall out, so I got a lyft home. And then I did laundry because the situation was getting dire and they're turning the water off in the building tomorrow night, and I have plans Wednesday and Thursday nights. And now, after all of that, I need to sleep rather desperately - I also have fun daytime plans tomorrow (writing date in the north bay, yay), so sleep is imperative. Goodnight!

and i didn't wanna write a song 'cause i didn't want anyone thinking i still care, i don't, but...

Today was super productive for me and super boring for you, so you may as well move along with your internet browsing and come back tomorrow (when I will likely have more wine in me, and thus may have gotten into unexpected shenanigans, although I'm not currently planning to do anything particularly wild). I didn't get enough sleep last night, which I'm going to try to rectify tonight, and so I didn't get enough done this morning (although I did write). I also posted the preorder to all retailers on Facebook, which resulted in comments, likes, and preorders (which was kind of the point of posting it) - and now I'm mildly nervous because I'm not done with the book and now I'm committed. But it's now or never, and this is a real forcing mechanism rather than my self-set deadlines, so we'll see how that works out for me.

Anyway, sometime around 12:45 I took a break, reheated some carnitas (verdict: still so fucking good), cut up half an avocado, and had a tasty lunch. Then, I drove down to San Mateo, where I wrote with Anne and Barbara for three hours. We were pretty productive today - Anne and I actually have the same deadline, and Barbara is always finishing a book, so we were all desirous of some productivity. It's nice that we all get along even though Barbara tends to laugh at me and Anne for taking so long to write our books (Barbara is writing a novella right now, which is admittedly way shorter, but we helped her plot it like two weeks ago and she's sending it to her editor tomorrow). But she writes different stuff than I do, and comparing myself to other people is a recipe for disaster, so I'll stop.

After we left Starbucks, I went to the gym in San Mateo and did some kettlebells. I hadn't been to the gym in perhaps three months, which is way way too long - understandable, given how much I've been gone, but I was also getting lazy. So I did a workout similar to what I would have done three months ago, although I dropped the weights just a bit (did most of my swings at 12-14kg instead of 14-16kg) - and I'm guessing I'll be sore tomorrow as punishment for the fact that I hadn't done any of this in awhile. But my form felt like it came back pretty effortlessly, and I wasn't totally out of shape. And it turns out that going after writing works out pretty well, as long as I don't have plans that night - the gym wasn't too crazy packed at 5:30pm, and even after showering and eating and messing around on my phone, I was still home by 7:45 (without sitting in traffic like I would earlier). So maybe this will become a bigger part of my routine again, which would be good for me.

Anyway, when I got home I should have been super productive, but I'm tired, and so I ordered a new fountain pen instead (because clearly if I'm freaking out about finishing my book, a new pen will help). And now I'm going to bed - goodnight!

if you live like that, you live with ghosts

I did not approach the page quite as joyfully as I had hoped today, but at least I approached it. I woke up this morning, laid in bed for awhile, and then tried a meditation app that I downloaded yesterday (Headspace) - I'm messing around with different approaches to getting into the right frame of mind for writing, and I'm curious to see whether meditation will help. It certainly can't hurt, and the app was actually quite nice, so I'm going to keep going with the initial ten-day program and see what else it has in store.

After that, I showered, put away some clothes, made some iced coffee, and sat down to write, but I mostly stared at the screen and then wrote a couple of emails (so if the meditation didn't hurt this morning, it didn't exactly work as intended). But then I walked down to my old neighborhood to see my aesthetician, and then I had lunch at my favorite cafe, where Tony and I had a delightful conversation and agreed that we get along so well because we are terrible people. I also went to the Japanese stationery store next door and bought my birthday present from my parents - a gorgeous pen with a semi-translucent red/strawberry-colored barrel, which I totally adore. Not that they probably intended for me to buy a pen...and not that I intended to buy a pen...but that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Then I walked home, took a nap, and spent the afternoon contemplating Rafe and Octavia. I only got a couple of pages, but then I sat down with my notebook and my new pen and came up with some halfway-decent ideas for the next few chapters, so I'll take it. Thank you, new pen!

Eventually, though, I pursued my one social plan of the day - I met up with Heather (aka dear respected madam) and Salim at Regent Thai. Salim was v. offended at the kissy faces I made at him, but he mostly took everything in stride. And it was great to see them, of course - it's so hard to believe that we were in India together ten years ago this summer, and how much our friendship has grown and evolved since then.

We didn't catch up on all things ever, of course, since we only had a couple of hours, but it was super nice to hang out. I came home around ten, nearly fell asleep on the couch, and now need to go to bed for realz so that I can write tomorrow (you've heard that before) - goodnight!

and if you close your eyes, does it almost feel like you've been here before

Today was a v. Des Amis kind of day. And by that I mean that I went there twice. Yes, I'm an addict. I regret nothing.

So the morning started off too early for my tastes, which means I had to get out of bed at nine...which, you can guess, is going to make tomorrow (when I have to wake up at six) super brutal. But I had brunch plans with Terry, Fred, and Jamie, and we had previously agreed to rendezvous at Des Amis since they are all v. well aware how in love I am with that place. We had a tremendously lovely brunch, although my go-to brunch there (the omelette forestiere) is way fewer calories than my peasant's thighs are able to sustain themselves upon. This is particularly true because it comes with 'roasted potatoes', which in actuality is one smallish potato and one mushroom, which I always forget until I start slicing into the second 'potato' and discover its fungal roots. Boo. But the conversation was filling, so it was still a lovely way to start the day.

After brunch, I bought a rollerball pen at Itoya (apparently I forgot that I'm not supposed to buy any new things this year, but I'm going to count a pen as a consumable, even though the two refills I bought with it are probably going to outlive me) and then came home to write. But then I spent four hours 'cleaning my room'. Some of it was necessary (I needed to declutter my bedside tables). Some of it was questionable (I covered a shoebox in pretty paper so that I could put my sunglasses in it). But it was when I started ripping CDs from a decade ago that I knew that I was just avoiding Thorington - I'm pretty sure that I had forgotten that Armin van Buuren exists, nor do I need any other techno since I can listen to it on Pandora or Google Music or Spotify or anything else.

So I stopped cleaning, but I did take time to call my parents. They were lovely as always, provided that they and their animal minions do not turn into popsicles over the next couple of days (although I'm sure my dad would be pleased to see a few coons meet an icy demise). Then I messed around on the internet and procrastinated and generally stalled, until I finally knew that only one thing could save me.

And that thing was a steak and a glass of wine. So I went to Des Amis, addiction be damned. And it was worth it - I officially started writing Thorington's book, and I actually wrote fiveish pages, which is excellent for a first outing. Thus smug with my accomplishments, I came home, folded clothes, dallied a bit, etc. And now I need to sleep - I'm torn between getting up early to write and getting up early to go to the office. Writing is a good idea, but the office is also good since my boss is out this week and I have a lot to do before he gets back. Soooo...we shall see, we shall see. But now, I must sleep - goodnight!

i've been waiting for this moment for all my life...hold on

I'm going to have to throw in the towel...but the writing retreat has been going v. well so far, and I think it was worth it to invest a few days (and some dollar bills) in going away to finish this book. Today was partially about getting settled, of course; I had breakfast, and then I got a massage, since I hadn't had one in at least three months and my neck and back are a perpetual warzone. So much of a warzone, in fact, that the masseuse was horrified just looking at my shoulders before I'd even taken my robe off. So, if the Cathedral of Notre Dame is looking for a new bellringer, let me know and I shall apply!

The massage was good, albeit not perfect; I had thought about scheduling another one for later in the week, but I think I'll wait and get one from my trusted Palo Alto massage lady instead. Post-massage, I put on some real clothes and walked down the street to have a leisurely lunch while working on Nick and Ellie. And I had a great breakthrough there on how to fix one of the scenes I was struggling with, which made the writing this afternoon easier. Then I stopped in at a fancy pen store (one of my weaknesses) and bought a mouthwatering new fountain pen; it was on sale, which made it absurdly cheap compared to other pens of its ilk and absurdly expensive to the boxes of 24 ballpoints one can get at Staples.

Once I got back to the hotel, though, my room was clean and I was ready to be productive. And I was v. productive; I rewrote several scenes and finally think I've figured out the end of the book, so yay to that. I took a break around seven to go to Safeway and buy a frozen enchilada and some snacky snacks, and I ate that in my room while ignoring the temptation of the free wine happy hour in the hotel office and the complimentary decanter of sherry in my room. I also lit a fire in the fireplace, which I kept going for several hours - it's freezing in California, as you may have heard, and so the fire was both v. helpful as an addition to my overwhelmed room heater and also v. welcome in terms of ambience.

Now, though, I should sleep; I need to get up and at it tomorrow. I have no plans other than writing, and I want to get through the rest of the major scene additions so that I can move on to smaller emotional/character/setting arcs later in the week. Goodnight!

kashmir

I'm tired and hermity, so you're not going to get much out of me tonight - today was productive, although the productivity came late and so I haven't had a chance to recover my words. I was supposed to have lunch with Gyre today, but I canceled in the name of writing, which was a good call; instead, I went to a cafe and worked for a couple of hours, figuring out how to approach the next scene, etc. Then I went to the grocery store, came home, and was v. startled to find that our cleaning lady decided to come today instead of tomorrow. However, mid-afternoon today was way better than nine a.m. tomorrow, so I'll take it.

Thus banished from my house, I walked down to the marina area and wrote in a cafe for an hour or so with the sounds of fighter jets (it's Fleet Week) roaring overhead. Then I came home, cooked supper (a gluten-free pizza casserole thing that my mom had tried while I was home; it's not pizza, but it's a decent alternative if you like a casserole dish full of cheese). Terry came home from LA while I was cooking, so we caught up while my thing baked. She went out for drinks with some people, but I ate supper and then wrote another 3.5 pages to add to the page and a half that I'd written at the cafe. Those five pages are closer to ten pages since I'm writing in a notebook with absurdly narrow rules (my fave), so I'm pleased with that. And then I came upstairs, flushed all my fountain pens (by that I mean I emptied them and flushed them with water, not that I flushed them down the toilet) - not the most pressing thing on my agenda, but since they'd all been inked up at various points this summer and then abandoned, it was necessary to do at some point. Yes, I'm a dork. And now I must sleep so that I may get up and repeat today's productivity - goodnight!

silence will fall

Merry Christmas! It's already over in Iowa, of course, but it will live on in our hearts forever (or at least for another hour, if you're in California). I had an absolutely lovely day -- thankfully, there are no small children in this house, and so we got up at the utterly wretched but still civilized hour of eight a.m. to open presents (in truth, my parents were awake sometime around five, and I woke up at 6:30 from a rather intensely vivid nightmare, but I went back to bed until the appointed hour). We took our time opening our packages, and everyone seemed to enjoy what they received.

As usual, no one would have traded their stash for another person's pile, since our interests are so varied; oddly enough, this year I probably would have taken my dad's stash if I was forced at gunpoint to switch, since he got a lot of cast iron cookware that I'm jealous of, but I'm quite happy with what I got. Several books, of course, including Haruki Murakami's massive "1Q84"; another gluten-free cookbook (which looks amazeballs); a bottle of absurdly expensive but completely luscious fountain pen ink (for the book that still refuses to write itself); several kitchen implements, including a creme brulee torch and eight creme brulee ramekins; and a copy of Rail Baron from [censored], who managed to find a brand-new still-in-box copy of a game we've had for nearly thirty years (a game which did not achieve the immortal fame that would guarantee massive reprints, like Monopoly or Candy Land). So, as usual, I anticipate a lot of post-Christmas cooking and reading in my future.

After opening presents, we all slowly meandered around the house, showering, etc. My mom went into town and retrieved my grandmother, who came out for brunch and stayed most of the afternoon. For once in my Iowa life, brunch was the way I usually have it in California -- after noon, with champagne. My dad made his always-awesome fried potatoes, scrambled eggs w/mushrooms/peppers/onions, bacon, and ambrosia, and my mom made blueberry muffins (which I resisted), and we all ended up in what would have been food comas if my grandmother had stopped asking me questions about when I'm going back to work long enough that I could have fallen asleep. On round three or four of her questions about whether I'm working, at which point I reminded her that I'd left my job over a year ago, she actually called me a 'rich old maid' -- which I might have cut her for if I didn't know that she would forget that she had called me that by the time I came back with my shank. Sigh.

sssanyway, it really was nice, despite the circular conversations. My grandmother went back to her apartment sometime after four (closer to five), and then we prepared for another round of eating. We watched "60 Minutes" first, which had some v. interesting bits about the Vatican library and about an island of Orthodox monasteries in Greece. Then we had prime rib, baked potatoes, and five cup salad -- I don't think any of us were particularly hungry, but it was our only chance to do it, and the prime rib was some of the best I've ever had. Mmm. Post-rib, [censored] and I [censored] the final three [censored], and now I'm all caught up until [censored] returns sometime late next year. I may go back and catch the first few seasons that we skipped, but we shall see -- theoretically I have a book or five to write in the next year, so television time needs to be reduced.

And now, I shall sleep; we're playing games tomorrow, sans reindeer, and I need to be in peak physical condition if I'm going to run the Rail Baron bank for eight hours. Goodnight!

we found love in a hopeless place

Hmm, what to say about today. It was quite leisurely, really, or at least the morning was; I didn't have to train with Alyssa until noon, and so I slept until nine, then spent a couple of hours putzing around and taking care of small tings so that I could focus on large tings later in the day. I also wrote one hundred-ish words of Ellie and Nick's story; it's unusual for me to write when I know I only have ten or fifteen minutes, but I'm trying to get better at writing when I happen to have a bit of time on my hands. I had to step away from the keyboard, though, and drive down to the glorious south bay, where Alyssa found new and unusual ways to torture me. Actually, she didn't really torture me; we did a lot of stretching, since I'm still having problems with my neck and shoulders, although her insistence that I hold a goblet squat for several minutes (twice) seemed more like sadism than healing. Still, we parted on good terms despite the goblet squats, so I suppose I'll see her on Friday.

Post workout, I showered and had a late lunch at Joanie's, where my salad was delicious but my concentration was utterly destroyed by some dudes having a political conversation (and judging middle-of-the-country people rather harshly) right behind me. So, I didn't get any writing done there as I had intended, but c'est la vie. I sped back to the city of sin, but since my training was later than usual I didn't get home until after four p.m. I then proceeded to squander some time on what felt like a useful endeavor - cleaning a few fountain pens so that I can use the luscious new inks that I got from my favorite online ink supplier. They're going out of business (boo), so I bought several inks from them on clearance, and they were sitting downstairs when I got home. The verdict is that I love every single ink I bought (hence the pen cleaning, since I want to use them all immediately). Then, I hole-punched the copy of my first book that I printed out this weekend so that I can read the whole thing and figure out how I might want to rewrite it...

...and came up with an idea for an alternate setup that made me almost giddy with excitement. I won't share it here, and who knows when or if I'll get around to rewriting it, but it was pretty winning. Terry discovered me contemplating the idea (in a way that surely made me look half crazy) while staring off into space and drinking a fruit smoothie, but I didn't scare her enough to drive her out of the living room, so I must have maintained some margin of sanity. I spent the next few hours taking care of stuff online while watching tv (the second half of the season premiere of "Two and a Half Men", which was awful, and an episode of "How I Met Your Mother", which was wonderful), and now I should go to bed. I'm talking to my agent tomorrow morning to decide my future (which is one of those grandiose, sweeping statements I love to make), and then I'm getting a haircut (which will hopefully not be another grandiose, sweeping gesture, although I do want to go somewhat shorter). Goodnight!