take it off now boy

I finally did it...Thorington is out in the wild where he belongs. You can get it now on Amazon or Kobo; the other vendors are taking their sweet time, as per usual, but it should be live everywhere in the next couple of days. I'm really happy with how it turned out, and I am crossing my fingers that it does well now that I've kicked it out of the next. The next couple of days are a stealth release while I wait for it to go live everywhere, and then I need to do some massive promoting next week to make it soar. Or something.

So obviously this was the most exciting thing (pretty much the only thing) that happened today. I woke up before seven and started working straightaway, since I wanted to get through the last pass of changes and tweak all the epubs. I got the changes done and squared away before it was time to shower and meet someone for brunch - one of the romance readers I've hung out with several times at various conferences over the years was in SF this weekend, and so she and her sister and I met up for brunch at Park Chow. It was fun to see her, and I'm glad we got to interact now since I may be cutting back on my travel plans next year and probably won't be at any big fan-focused events for awhile (short story: I'm burned out on travel and don't think I get as much return on the investment of going as it costs me in time and energy).

After that, I came home and slogged straight through to get all the epubs tweaked, upload them to all my ereaders to check the formatting, and then publish them to the various bookstores. I'm pretty efficient at it at this point, so it wasn't a long or difficult task, just vaguely annoying. By the time I was ready to leave the house, it was already live on Amazon, which I suppose my mercenary side is happy about since that's where most of the sales are...

...but then it was time to stop thinking about sales and do the relaxing thing I've been looking forward to for weeks. I had a facial with my favorite aesthetician at my salon downtown, and I got there just in time. So that was a great way to get pampered and relax a little bit after the madness of getting the book out. Then I bought groceries, came home, messed around with book stuff a bit, and then grabbed dinner at Sabrosa. I probably should have rallied and gathered some people to go out, but I'm too tired to celebrate right now, and I have a million promo tasks I want to take care of.

But this time I'm definitely going to celebrate - I learned that lesson the hard way last year, when I failed to celebrate Alex and Prudence at all and then promptly burned out as soon as I tried to start Thorington. So if you see me working all the time and not doing anything fun over the next few weeks, please smack me. Goodnight!

beneath your beautiful

If all goes as planned, I'm going to hit publish on my book tomorrow. I KNOW. That means you might get a six-hour reprieve or so before I start bitching about how hard it is to write Rafe's story, which should really excite you! Or maybe you'll get a six-week reprieve as I go into hardcore social butterfly mode to feed my starving heart and my content-deprived soul, which should really excite you since my blog posts are always better when I actually leave the house like a real human girl.

Today, thought, was a slog with some lovely socializing at the end of it. I woke up at 4:45am, laid in bed until 5:45 trying to pretend to sleep, and then got up and went to work. Leaving the house at 6:30 on a Friday meant I got there at 7:30, which enabled me to meet a coworker for coffee and get v. v. close to finishing the proofreading. I probably would have finished it if I'd been perfectly focused, but it was all good. Then I went to the office, had meetings mostly straight through until 2pm (with a break for more coffee + some v. delicious sushi), and then promptly left the office to avoid the worst traffic. Leaving at 2:30 got me home by 3:30 through some miracle, and so I actually only spent two hours in the car today, which is nearly unheard of in the modern era.

Once here, I did a tiny bit more work, then abandoned my apartment (and the strong smell of paint from the ongoing painting project going on outside) to finish proofreading at Rapha. Since I only had a chapter left when I stopped this morning, that wasn't a very onerous task. And I have to say, even though I don't usually brag, that at the moment I really love this book. It may not quite overtake Nick and Ellie in my affections, but I really love it and think it's great. Or at least I do now - we'll see how I feel in a few days.

After I finished that and started adding the edits to my docs (over the third latte of the day, which probably should have given me a heart attack), I eventually came home, changed, and went out to be social (shocker). Very longtime readers may remember Claudia (aka Claude, aka Santy Claude, aka Claude the Fraude), who was my roommate freshman and sophomore year of college, and with whom I've shared many highs/lows, ups/downs, triumphs/tragedies, shrimp/feet. She has been sprung from jail (aka Yale) and has taken a job in the bay area, and this was our first rendezvous since she moved back last weekend. We had drinks and delish pulled pork tacos at ABV, and it was so great to know that we can now do this whenever we want.

Then we got into a car with some random people (aka Adit and Priyanka) and went to Central Kitchen, which is both delicious and beyond pretentious. Would you like fennel pollen? 'Hen of the woods', which it turns out is a mushroom instead of a wild chicken? Salsify? $300 bottles of wine? In that case, my friend, you've come to the right place. I had previously gone there for a v. romantic dinner with Adit a couple of years ago (editor's note: February 9, 2013, which I had forgotten was the start of a truly epic disaster of a night which somehow detoured through Trick Dog (where I recall Katrina saying my eyes lit up and I was suddenly going big), through a bar where Adit/Vidya/I played Jenga, and ultimately to Adit's house and whisper karaoke at 5am). Central Kitchen is still ridic, and I didn't go big tonight, but it was all delightful.

Katrina ended up joining us late, and John and Jess were theoretically supposed to come, but there wasn't any room at the inn for them, and so they cut their losses and stayed home. However, the company was delightful, particularly when we all pulled out our phones and started messing around with Instagram (well, those of us who've been living in the city and turning into tech assholes pulled out our phones; Claude stared off into space and no doubt wondered why we all suck). Then we all parted ways around 10:30, and now I must sleep so I can publish a book tomorrow. Goodnight!

every time you close your eyes (lies, lies)

No publishing today...I was hijacked by the day job and social activities after, which I suppose is to be expected. I got up at 5:30, made it down to work by 7:45ish, and proofread at coffee lab for an hour before grabbing breakfast and starting my day of meetings and other tasks. This wasn't all horrible, although I had more work than I wanted to do, which meant I actually worked until 5:30 rather than sneaking out and proofreading like I'd hoped. But I got in another working session at coffee lab (even if it was day job stuff, I'll take it), and the weather was lovely and my v. Mediterranean lunch was delish.

So that's all good, I guess. Then I went to Palo Alto for a going-away party for the big boss (remember her?), who is going off to greener pastures at a startup. It was like a mini reunion of all the bigshots from her time there, so I schmoozed with a bunch of directors and VPs (and by that I mean I ignored most of them and caught up with the people I actually know/care about). I also spent some quality time with the big boss's husband, whom I worked with way back in 2007-2008, and it was great to catch up with him. And Alana was there, who is a longtime blog reader, so shout-out to her!

I stayed there until 8:30ish, and then I sped home and did day job stuff for the last hour. And on that boring note, I must sleep; I'm going to prioritize sleep over getting up early, but I would like to proofread for an hour from home before doing work, voting, working out with Alyssa, and going into the office. Goodnight!

i knew you were trouble when you walked in

I think I finally figured out what's wrong with the end of my book - like, for real figured it out, not the false realizations I had over the past few days. Unfortunately, that means I have to scrap some of what I'd already written, but not much - and I'm hopeful that a long and brutal slog tomorrow can get me to the end of it. And to that end, I'm going to go to bed early so that I can hopefully wake up fresh and clear tomorrow...

...because today was neither fresh nor clear. I woke up at seven, eventually made myself some tea, but was distracted from coming back to the writing because there were two people sleeping in my living room (Lisa and Ginger, who were Terry's friends in college). I'm friends with them as well, although I'm closer to Lisa, and she came into the kitchen while I was making tea, so I shared my tea with her. It was great to catch up with her, even if we were whispering while doing so. Then I came upstairs, contemplated Thorington, eventually took a shower, ate some breakfast, and went to Rapha, where I spent another two hours contemplating. And the trouble all became apparent when I finally forced a character to show up and then realized that he shouldn't be there at all. Ugh.

So I bought myself flowers and went home. Then I had a late lunch at Delarosa; the food was excellent, as per usual, and we didn't have to wait for a table, which is nearly unheard of (this is the advantage of eating lunch at 1:30pm, I guess). I also quite enjoyed my sparkling rosé, although I probably shouldn't have had it since I came home at three and immediately needed a nap. Oops.

And then I was completely unproductive the rest of the day. I went downstairs to make some tea at fourish, just as Terry and Ginger came back (it's their reunion weekend, hence the guests in the living room), and so I talked to them for awhile. Then Ginger went on a run and Terry and I continued to catch up, since we really haven't seen each other alone since before I went to Germany. Then I made chili for supper, and we ended up watching the second half of the Giants game (we skipped the first half because Terry couldn't bear to watch). And now that we won, Terry has ordered me to continue wearing the spiffy Giants sweater I was wearing for every remaining game of the series. Heh. Luckily, I happen to like that sweater, and it's super comfy, so this is not as onerous as it might sound (as long as it doesn't get any warmer, since I might overheat otherwise).

But one of the things Terry and I talked through was the end of Thorington, and so I'm feeling more hope about tomorrow than I've felt in a v. long time. And that means that sleeping now is an excellent idea. Goodnight!

most nights i don't know

Today was good for my psyche, but bad for my writing - but I need to stop saying that if I have any hope of being nicer to myself and not making so much ride on my productivity. And anyway, I did write; I may not have finished the book today, but I got a few hours of good productivity in this morning early (6:45am to ~10am) before hitting the wall. Then I showered, ate some peanut butter, procrastinated, and met up with Lauren (aka Subz) for manis/pedis + lunch at Roam. I don't think I'd seen her since Terry's birthday dinner (which was three days after my birthday dinner), and it was awesome to catch up with her in a v. relaxed, cozy sort of way.

After we parted ways, I considered the book again for awhile before throwing in the towel. Then I took a walk and talked to my parents; I'm trying to keep up the walking that I did in Europe (sans the drinking that I did in Europe), and walking down to the water while discussing life with them seemed like a great way to do so. I also talked to [censored] on the way home, which was good since it had been ages since we'd caught up. Then I grabbed an iced latte, worked for thirty minutes or so, and went out for family dinner with Chandlord, Katrina, John, Jess, and Maya at Chow. They were all in fine form, as always, although several people seemed quite tired - but I think Katrina's obsession with bike messengers more than made up for it.

And now, since I'm one of the people who was quite tired by the end, I'm going to go to bed so that I can get up and write before work - goodnight!

everything you touch surely dies

My first full day in London was gorgeous - well, gorgeous if you're a hermit who likes Regency-type activities like walking and writing. I got almost ten hours of sleep last night, which was v. v. necessary, and awoke feeling refreshed and in a much better mood than the one I was in when I left Germany (I would spit here, but you wouldn't see it and I would have to clean it up, and besides, I'm not good at spitting). Then I took a v. nice shower and abandoned my posh hotel to wander around London for awhile.

My first stop was breakfast(ish) at Le Pain Quotidien, which appears to be London's version of SF's La Boulange, but with table service. My eggs and prosciutto were delicious, my coffee slightly less so, but it was a good place to write in my journal for an hour and try to meditate my way out of my own head and back into Thorington's (is that creepy to say?). Then I walked for approximately two and a half hours straight without any real goal in mind other than to wander around and get inspired. I strolled through Hyde Park, walked along the Serpentine and cursed the geese, delighted in seeing random British things like overblown gold-encrusted fountains and unexpected horsemen, and ended up in Mayfair. There I wandered with even less direction, admiring the very lovely doors on the ultraposh townhouses. I also did some window shopping at some of the most ridiculous fashion stores around - the only one I was tempted to go into was Marc by Marc Jacobs, which begins to look like a bargain basement compared to Louboutin, Celine, Jenny Packham, and the like, but I spared my wallet and stayed outside looking in like an urchin.

After that, I returned to my hotel in South Kensington, ready to stop walking and start writing. But first I took a nap. And then I went downstairs and had afternoon tea while starting my reread of Thorington - afternoon tea is a much healthier endeavor when one is avoiding gluten and so can only have the grilled chicken + salad. But the tea was great and the room was gorgeous (with the exception of the toddler who screamed most of the time I was there with relatively little effort made by his parents to tame him). And between that + working in my room most of the evening, I'm almost done with my readthrough. It was slower going than it should have been because I kept letting myself get distracted by technology, but c'est la vie.

And now I'm going to sleep even though I'd wanted to finish the read-through tonight - I'd rather keep resting up so I can survive the next push. All in all I'm really happy with where the story is, though - I need to make some tweaks, but nothing major, and I have high hopes that I'm very close to done (with the exception of a final scene that I still haven't written, ugh). Goodnight!

brighter than the sun

I continue to drain myself down to the dregs. Today was brutality piled on top of more brutality, with a thin veneer of fun. I woke up earlyish but was really dragging, and traffic was not ideal, so I didn't get to work until 8:15, which didn't give me time to write before starting my meetings. But I did my meetings, did a bit of work, had lunch with a coworker, did some more meetings, and then slacked off early to get drinks with several coworkers (somewhat to welcome our new teammate, somewhat to socialize). Then I drove to Stanford and worked at Stanford library for a couple of hours - I've written at least part of every book there, and I hadn't done anything for Thorington there yet, so it seemed symbolic to work on the ending there.

And it was great for my productivity - I can practically smell the end, and the whole thing has come together in a way I'm pretty happy with. But I was so tired that I left at ten even though I wanted to keep going because I was afraid that I would kill myself if I waited any later to drive home. So I got home, washed my face, and wrote for the last half hour. But I've hit the very hardest part of the wall, and I have to work tomorrow (although I'm going to do it from home), and I also have to pack, and so I think sleep would serve me better than anything right now.

Wish me luck that I can finish my edits tomorrow! If I do, I think I'll see how I'm feeling about it, and then either a) proofread on the plane, or b) what's looking more likely is relax on the plane, then relax all weekend, then proofread in the wee jetlag hours around my offsite next week. Doesn't that sound like fun? Goodnight!

who am i to tell fate where it's supposed to go

I have suddenly hit the wall very hard, and I think I need to sleep before it gets any worse (and before I forget to take the masque off my face, which would potentially eat my skin overnight). Today was an exercise in almost total productivity. I woke up at 6:30, worked from seven until 9:30ish, showered, and went downtown to get my eyebrows waxed (v necessary if I don't want to look like my Granddad in Germany). Then I wrote while eating huevos down the street. Then I wrote some more at home. Then I took a nap before writing at Rapha.

By five p.m. at Rapha, I was in my most psychotic state...which is approximately when Terry found me and lured me to Des Amis (she didn't have to try very hard - I was burned at that point). We had burgers and cocktails, and it was all v. restorative. Then I came home, wrote for a bit, inadvertently fell asleep, and then was awoken by a phone call luring me back to Des Amis for another drink. Ha.

But I limited myself to one (and a half), then came home and wrote for the last hour. And now my face has buried itself in the wall, so it's time to sleep. I don't know if getting the book out by Monday is possible (fact: it isn't), but I think it's still possible for Tuesday/Wednesday. The problem was that I had to add a character to the end whom I hadn't planned to add, which required changes throughout, and so I'm behind on resolving the end. But it's coming together and I feel good about it, so hopefully I can greet tomorrow with just as much enthusiasm as I greeted today. Goodnight!

worth everything ever wished for

I begin to feel that I have become just the tiniest bit repetitive. Is that true? Is it true that my days can all be summed up thusly: that I woke up earlier than I wanted to, that I endured a long and bitter commute, that I had a lot of meetings, that I did something fun with someone or multiple someones at the office, and that I obsessed over Thorington at Des Amis?

Yeah, I guess they can. My apologies. Thorington is coming to an end, though...I got my last edits back from my editor this afternoon, and so I came home from work and immediately went to Des Amis to process them (over chicken and a single glass of white wine, so everyone there assumed the worst about my mental state). Three hours later, I felt really good about the shape Thorington is in - yes, I have to finish the last chapters, but this is not insurmountable, and the rest of the book is pretty damn good, if I do say so myself. This is mostly because I adore Thorington (yes, I know he's fictional, shut up), but Callie is pretty awesome too. And I'm even somewhat excited for the next book (Rafe and Octavia), even though I have no idea what it's about and will undoubtedly reach the same level of despair at some point that I reached over this one.

So, I'm going to do my damnedest to slog brutally and relentlessly this weekend so that I can hit publish before going to Germany next week. Obviously if I think I can't do this without sacrificing quality, I won't - but I think it's possible if the stars align. And I'm going to fucking force them to align, because I need a vacation and want to spend a magical weekend in Frankfurt/Heidelberg before work starts again the following week.

sssanyway. I got up this morning and made it down to Palo Alto almost on time (a miracle since it was raining), where I trained with Alyssa. Her nefarious kettlebell agenda has expanded to snatches, which means flinging the bell onto my wrist, which is supposed to be done without bruising the hell out of the wrist, but I haven't totally figured it out yet. It went better than I expected, though, and was even maybe kind of fun, so that's cool. Then I went to the office, took a couple of meetings from main campus, and was ten minutes late getting back to my building for my first meeting with my new hire (she will get used to my fast and loose adherence to calendars, hopefully - at least I warned her in advance that today was going to be messy). But we adjourned our meeting to have a team lunch at In-n-Out - yes, it's ridiculous that we took her out to a buy-your-own-lunch situation when we are surrounded by free food, but the rest of us wanted to get off campus and she had never been to In-n-Out, so hopefully it wasn't too bad.

After that, I took advantage of the free food by having an iced latte and working at the coffee shop with one of my coworkers for an hour. Then I had meetings, and then I drove home, and you know the rest.

So yeah, that was predictable. You and I just have to survive another week, and then I'll be in Germany and will have entirely new content for you. Goodnight!

oh...and p.s., I posted the first chapter of Thorington's book on my writing website, if you are interested in reading it. Yay.

i can't sleep with you on my brain

Today was remarkably intense. I meant to wake up super early and write, but when my alarm went off, I made the executive decision to reset it for an hour later and get some more must-needed rest so that I could tackle the day ahead. Then I finally got up, showered, took care of tings around the house, did some work, etc., before taking three meetings from home. After that, I made the unusual move of going into the SF office - I had a meeting with my boss's boss to talk about something we're doing next week (I'm apparently a good manager or something, so they asked me to do an exercise at an offsite where I'm the coach and our director is the coachee - this was billed to me as a 'fun activity' that is actually one of those 'not fun' activities, but it will probably be fun because I'm a complete dork about this stuff).

sssanyway, I got to the office in time for lunch, and I had planned to work through it, but I v. serendipitously ran into Katrina in the cafe, and so we had lunch together and caught up. So, that was fantastic, since I hadn't seen Katrina on her own in a million years. Then I met with the director, did some work for another couple of hours, was in a v. content, accomplished state of mind, drove home...and pulled into my garage to find that I had a missed call from my boss and multiple missed IMs about a fucking stupid and annoying issue that never would have...but I'll say no more. Suffice it to say I talked to my manager on the phone and may have used some inappropriate language, but luckily he's accustomed to my occasional incandescent rages, so I think he took it well. And I took some of my aggression out over email, so that was fun.

And then I tried to recover from my rage by meeting Kathia for a writing date at Nectar. I realize that 'needs a drink to unwind' may be a warning sign, but when the options are a) have a glass of wine or b) stab someone in the face, I actually think wine is healthier. And I wrote six pages, which was surprisingly magical given that I was so enraged when I met her. Then Terry showed up and kidnapped me to have dinner at next door at Aix, which was wonderful.

And now I must sleep - I think I can finish tomorrow (or at least finish this draft) if I slog hard and mercilessly, so that's what I shall do. Goodnight!

say geronimo

I've reached the manic part of my process, I think.

That's probably all I need to say...you loyal readers have now lived through me finishing five books, which is hard to believe, and so at this point you may know my process as well as I do. Today was good, but I need to stop and take a breath. I trained with Alyssa this morning, and the session was good (I guess I'm now swinging 20kg bells? Good?), but I was 20min late due to the absurd traffic caused by the first bit of rain we've had in ages. Then I went to work, showered, slogged, ate lunch, went to the coffee shop to work for a bit, and then had three more meetings before calling it a day.

Then I suffered another hour and a half on the road, which sucked. But I got home, sat for a few minutes, forced myself to rally, and went to Des Amis, where I accomplished quite a bit despite my exhaustion. I also accomplished quite a bit despite my precarious emotional state...everything is uncomfortably close to the surface right now, as it always is when I have to bleed the last few chapters directly onto the page. I've said it before and I'll say it again - it's horribly perfect that I feel compelled to make a career out of sharing emotion through stories when I often do my level best to ignore my own. Tanks, universe.

And now I must sleep - goodnight!

i can almost see you

Today was all bright and wonderful in the beginning, but I somehow ended it in a pit of panic and despair. Luckily I'm getting just slightly better at this whole eccentric, secretly-emotionally-scarred writer thing and I recognize the illogical unreality of the black nights when I'm entering them just a little faster than I used to.

So I'm going to go to bed early, get up early, and seize the day like I did this morning, when I wrote for two hours before work and then trained with Alyssa. And I'm going to remember that the last two blocked hours don't define me, don't mean that the book is irrevocably fucked, and don't mean that I can't finish on the timeline I want (and, even if I don't finish, it's not the end of my career/life). Goodnight!

sunday always comes too late

I'm completely out of words and must go to bed immediately. Today was a long slog - it wasn't brutal, since I actually felt fairly joyful for most of it, but it was certainly more words than I've written in a day in quite awhile. So that was good, albeit mentally exhausting. But I got out of the house a bit (first for breakfast, then later to work over an iced latte at Rapha for awhile), and I talked to my parents (who were as entertaining as always).

And then the only fun thing I had planned was successfully accomplished - it's Terry's birthday (happy birthday!), and so she, Lauren (aka Subz), Terry's friend Emily, and I had a late (especially for us - an 8:30pm reservation is unheard of) dinner at Kokkari. It's Greek, and is the sister restaurant of Evvia in Palo Alto, so it was as delightful as you can imagine (if you like Greek; if you don't like Greek, I can't help you). Our waiter was the standout entertainment of the evening, since he liked giving advice (and also liked cheek kisses - he kissed me at least two different times). But the food was also excellent; my salmon with corn/tomatoes/olives was totally fantastic (and I, as a rule, don't waste my time with fish, but I was in the mood for something different tonight), and the appetizers were all great too. And, as per usual, the conversation was particularly sparkling and wonderful.

So, hopefully Terry feels like she rang in her birthday in style, even if I was out of words and the best advice I could come up with was that she should move to Greece and recreate the backstory of 'Mamma Mia' (hey, there are worse fates). And now I must sleep so I can get up early and hit the week hard tomorrow - goodnight!

dressed up to the eyes, it's a wonderful surprise

Today was both gorgeous and productive, and so I'm going to bed a happy (and very full) camper. I oddly woke up at 5:30ish, laid in bed for quite awhile wondering why I'd woken up, and finally got up and made tea so that I could start the writing day early. It was still slow going, but better than it has been in awhile (I got ten pages), so I'll take it. I took a break around 9:30ish to have breakfast, and then I did some shopping therapy on Union Street (which was entirely unnecessary - I've been doing far too much shopping the last few weeks, which is a clear sign that the book is troubling me in deep and dreadful ways). But I got some things from Sephora for my upcoming trip to Germany, bought a new umbrella, and got a cute dress and a top, so that's all fun.

Then I came home, worked some more, and eventually dragged Terry to Des Amis, where we worked in the late afternoon (I invited her with the express commandment that I needed to write, so we split an order of fries and then I had a coke while writing and she had a cocktail while reading). Then I came home, took a v. restorative nap, put on a fancy dress, made my eye makeup all smoky, and put on crazy heels for the first time in months.

This was all in support of the day's main plan - Kathia took me to Gary Danko for my birthday, which was absurdly indulgent and completely wonderful. We ended up waiting an hour and a half for seats at the bar, but we had champagne while we waited, and the wait was completely worth it. The food was amazing, from the amuse bouche (some sort of gazpacho), to all the mains, to the cheese course, to the chocolate mousse they brought out for my birthday. Possibly the best dish was this little buckwheat thing with caviar and creme fraiche, but the scallops were to die for, and the pork belly was definitely my weakness. Oh, and the risotto with crab was great. And the blue cheese on the cheese platter was so very good.

So, that was all intensely yummy. And because we were sharing the courses over the span of a few hours, we had plenty of time to catch up, which was great since we hadn't hung out without our laptops in ages. Kathia gave me a pep talk and ordered me to stop holding myself back (which I agree with), and we discussed all sorts of other topics and generally had a fun time. And now I want to go on a quest to go to all sorts of other fabulous restaurants in the city since I mostly just go to Des Amis (did you know that?), but that's going to have to wait until I have some more time...

...and speaking of time, it's time to go to bed if I have any hope of accomplishing what I want to accomplish tomorrow. Goodnight!

i came to win

So I turned....something in. It's not done. I gave my editor the first half and told her I'd send the rest tomorrow, but even the 'rest' isn't done (I still haven't written the last five chapters). But I'm pleased with the progress I made this weekend, and particularly yesterday and today. There was a lot more that I needed to rewrite in the first half than I had remembered, so today was mostly an exercise in cleaning up what I had, rewriting several scenes from scratch, etc.

All in all, I feel pretty good about where the book is going, and I have almost a month (well, twenty-five days) to finish it in time to get it done for formatting and uploading in time for my chosen release date, so I think I can do it. This is still going to be a brutal slog, but the plan is to get the most brutal slog out of the way this week so that I can enjoy my birthday week. Good plan, right?

I might have gotten farther this afternoon if I hadn't spent time doing non-writing things, but it couldn't be helped. The first was meeting with my marketing person; I didn't really have time to do it, but if I didn't meet with her today she's too stuck to keep going on her own, so it kind of had to happen. Then I came home, took a v. necessary, life-restorative nap, and went out again to have dinner with Katrina, Chandlord, and Jesse in honor of Katrina's birthday (slightly belatedly). Katrina doesn't enjoy celebrating her birthday, which makes sense considering how obnoxious most of our friend group (myself included) can be to the person who is the center of attention, but I'm glad that we were able to have a lowkey dinner and celebration at Nopalito. I hadn't seen her in approximately three months, which is way too long, but this was a great evening and a lovely way to honor Katrina while not seeming to do anything at all. Yay!

And then I came home, worked for an hour and a half, and am going to go to bed before I die. I may get eight and a half hours of sleep before work tomorrow, which would be a miracle - and then I need to slog brutally at the day job so that I can catch up from my vacation. Goodnight!

it takes my pain away

I hate writing. What a stupid profession. I got a lot of stuff done between early morning and mid-afternoon...and then I promptly tumbled into a well of self-loathing and despair. But I crawled out of it and going to bed before I fall into it again - goodnight!

dragging the waters til the depths give up their dead

I had a great day, but I'm guessing that's because I stayed home and did my work from the comfort of my own bed/desk rather than dragging myself to and from the south bay like a peasant. It also meant that I was able to get up early and write before work; I only got three pages, but again, that's three pages more than I had before. And I got to go to my favorite breakfast place for the third day in the row, but today was the best of the three (no offense to Terry and the free mimosas yesterday) because there was no one there, so I got to chat up the owner/chef (who is always delightful).

Then I slogged throughout the afternoon, eventually slacking off to walk down the street and get some chicken/squash/brussels sprouts (who am I?) for dinner later + an iced latte to wake me up. I then spent almost two hours on the phone with one of my writer friends (Maya); we have books coming out the same week at the end of September, and so we're considering doing some cross-promo stuff and needed to start planning for it. She's hilarious, and so it was two hours v. well spent.

And then I was going to write all night, but my energy failed me more quickly than I expected, so I mostly did nothing. I would have gone to bed an hour ago, but I made the mistake of ordering groceries this morning for a 9-10pm delivery (in case I wanted to go to Des Amis), and so I screwed myself over. Par for the course, really. But now I must sleep if I have any hope of writing before work tomorrow - goodnight!

they don't dance and tell

Today was entirely given up to writing, and I feel pretty great about it. I woke up around 6:30 (horrifying) and started writing at seven, and I proceeded to write off and on in blocks of an hour or two for most of the day. I got twelve pages for my efforts, but they were hard fought; I also did some research on privateers, which was critical for knowing where to go next with the story. And I had lunch at my favorite breakfast place, bought a dress, came home and wrote some more, went out to get coffee and write in a new location, came back and made supper (chicken skewers and greek salad).

Tonight was supposed to be my night off, but my plans ended up reworking themselves - which was probably for the best, since I wanted to write today and tomorrow and will do better if I take tomorrow night off instead. So I'm going to go to bed now and indulge my hermity mood so that I can write another twelve or fifteen pages tomorrow - goodnight!

there are giants out there in the canyons

Today was great until the end of it, but I will leave you in suspense and recount the rest of it first. I woke up earlier than I have at any point on the trip, packed my bags, helped clean out the fridge/clean the kitchen/strip the beds, and said my goodbyes on the deck overlooking the pond before all of us vacated the house and headed back to NYC. It was bittersweet to say goodbye; I wasn't ready to be done with the retreat, but I am ready to get back into some semblance of a routine...but I won't get a routine for another few days since I'm still in Manhattan for work.

But I was able to prolong the writing magic for a bit - I took Grace to JFK on the way back to Manhattan, and since her flight was late evening and I didn't have to return the rental until sixish, we stopped at one of the nicest Starbucks ever (way to go, Bridgehampton!) and wrote for a couple of hours. I wrote a really critical scene, which was slow going since I agonized over every word, but I ended up really happy with it. Then I dropped Grace off (with some good industry talk in the car on the way to the airport), made my slow way into midtown Manhattan (not as scary as I had expected, just frustratingly slow), dropped off the rental car, and took a taxi to my hotel.

Once here, I was absolutely starving since I hadn't really eaten lunch, so I had supper (I can call it that if you eat at 5:30pm in NYC when everyone usually eats at 8 or 9) at the Mexican-ish restaurant in the hotel next door to mine. Then, I made the mistake of going to Anthropologie across the street - not that I have any room to pack anything else, but I hadn't been to Anthro in awhile and my addiction needed feeding. However, while I was browsing, I brushed against a shelf while reaching for something over my head, and the shelf fell off its precarious perch and smashed my toe. I told the initial person who came over that I was fine, since I was embarrassed and thought I would shake it off, but as I was trying stuff on I realized I really wasn't fine and in fact felt a little nauseated by the pain. You know it's bad when I didn't try on everything that I took into the room because I'd lost interest in shopping. At that point I asked the dressing room attendant to get a manager, but the manager did nothing other than tell me in an overly saccharine way that that sucked and that sometimes that shelf falls, which didn't really make me feel better and in fact just pissed me off.

But I wanted the fancy pajama pants that I'd tried on so I'd have something to lounge in, so I stood in line, realizing as I stood there that I had no desire to put weight on my toe. Luckily, my hotel was a block away, so I got back here, got some ice from the v. nice manager at the front desk (he said that he didn't know of any urgent cares that were open, but he suggested drinking the contents of the minibar - then retracted it when he realized I'd probably just stub my other toe), popped some Advil, and propped it up and iced it for the last two hours. I still have polish on the toenail so I can't see the extent of the damage, but the nail between my cuticle and the polish (it's grown out over the past few weeks) is nearly black. So I'm guessing I shouldn't have high hopes for keeping the toenail, which is rather grim and offputting.

So, screw you, Anthropologie (even if my pajama bottoms have been v. comfortable tonight). And now I need to sleep - I have to get up super early and get cracking on the day job if I have any hope of getting ahead of my to-do list. Goodbye, writing life :( At least the next couple of days will be fun in the off-hours. Goodnight!

there isn't any sweetness in the dreaming

I got six pages today...not the sixty pages I would have loved to have written (which would be physically impossible, since that would require writing fifteen thousand words and my all-time max is like eight thousand), but they were six hard-earned pages, and I'm feeling good about where I'm headed. However, as expected, last night's wine extravaganza didn't help my productivity today, so I abstained tonight and am going to bed at the relatively civilized hour of one a.m. I know, I'm so disciplined.

So I got up at ten this morning, made some sausage and eggs with leftover potatoes for breakfast (totally winning), and contemplated my manuscript while sitting in the kitchen. However, I realized I was never going to concentrate with other people around, so at one-ish I left the house and snuck away to a coffee shop, where I wrote for two glorious hours by myself with some New Orleans iced coffee (note: not as good as coffee in New Orleans; this is the price one pays for being a jetsetter and experiencing things in real life). It was delightful, but as I said before, it was hard-won, and so I came back to the house at four and took a break by sitting in the sun on the deck and finishing a book I'd started the other night. Then I went out with some of the other writers for pizza (there's a pizza place with a gluten free crust here, which was totally winning) before coming back, doing a bit of work for the day job (boo...I told them I'm not going to check my email again until Thursday, so screw them), messing around with the internet for a bit, and trying to get back into the story.

But there was no forcing it tonight, so I spent a couple of hours talking to some of the other writers. I was trying to convince one of them to go to India, and the end result may have been more impactful in terms of convincing me that I really just want to pack up my laptop and head off for parts unknown and find fun places to live for a couple of weeks or months at a time while writing novels and doing some awesome food blogging on the side. That sounds far better than living in the marina and commuting three hours a day, doesn't it? And given how expensive San Francisco is, it could actually be cheaper...

...but now I shall smack myself on my knuckles, remind myself that I have a book to finish and I always get crazy (er, crazier) when in the throes of the second half, and that I can't make any rash decisions when I probably want something else entirely (and was even telling someone just a couple of hours before that how much I like my job). We'll see if that memory sticks in the morning; for now, I must sleep. Goodnight!