seems you cannot be replaced and i'm the one who will stay

I continue to be v. tired after my trip, but the jetlag is starting to settle down. Today was pretty good when I wasn't doomscrolling - I made some eggs when I got up, and then I walked a few blocks to try a new-to-me coffee shop. I obviously haven't been writing in coffee shops since the pandemic, but I want to get back into the habit - or at least get out of the house rather than staying inside like a hermit. The coffee shop was a success - my cold brew was excellent, and while there aren't a lot of comfortable seats, I managed to grab a chair and write/journal for a couple of hours. +100, would do again.

Then I came home, messed around, ate some lunch, etc. before going to Alamo Drafthouse to see 'Everything, Everywhere, All at Once'. I'm glad I bought the ticket a couple of days ago, since otherwise I might not have forced myself to go see it - but a month-old movie at 3:20pm on a Wednesday meant there were only six or so other people in the theatre, which felt pretty safe. I enjoyed my excellent popcorn and a glass of sauvignon blanc, and I also enjoyed the movie - it was extremely weird and trippy, and also v. well acted, and I found it delightful.

Then I came home and wasted the evening, although I enjoyed some leftover pulled pork + harissa white bean stew. And now I'm going to sleep and hope that I write / journal / enjoy similar activities tomorrow while also prepping to drive to Iowa. Goodnight!

i know i said i never loved you, but i might just try again tonight

Today was a pretty good day at work, if you ignore one incredibly frustrating 30min block and focus on the whole rest of the day (note: ignoring frustrations is not my strong suit). I also wrote for a solid chunk of time before work, which felt great - I put into practice some of the stuff I listened to in a Masterclass this weekend, so I mostly messed around with worldbuilding for my story, and it was a great use of time.

I also wore red lipstick and a real shirt (one that requires a bra) (although I did wear yoga leggings underneath), and I had leftover chicken enchiladas for lunch, so it's no wonder my mood was pretty solid. At the end of the day, I worked out with Alyssa; this mostly involved stretching and some kettlebells, plus some movements so she could see whether / how my abdomen has healed post-surgery vs. whether I'm still favoring anything in that area.

Then I messed around online, made some beef and black bean chili (my go-to pantry meal), messed around some more, and ultimately read a couple of chapters of THE DAWN OF EVERYTHING, which is so far a really interesting read about the advent of human civilization. It also made me briefly hate-remember some of my freshman SLE classes, so I texted Claudia to reminisce (fun fact for those of you not in the know: Claudia and I met as freshman roommates in the same liberal arts residential program at college, but Claudia dropped the program after the first quarter because she knew what was up).

And now, I should perhaps sleep - goodnight!

when the rain washes you clean you'll know

It's Wednesday, day eleven million of the apocalypse. I woke up in time to meditate / journal before work, but then the day was a slog - I had meetings, more meetings, and a bit of a break to dump a cobb salad out of a jar from my fridge. It was all kind of a lot and I wasn't in the mood for most of it, but I managed to get through with my sanity intact.

Then I took a break and had a videoconference glass of wine with a couple of coworkers, which bled straight into making a fairly elaborate dinner - I tried a recipe for chicken breasts stuffed with cheese/bacon and wrapped in prosciutto, and they were really delicious. It basically involved pounding out the chicken, mixing some cream cheese / goat cheese / thyme / oregano / garlic and smearing it on top, sprinkling bacon on top of that, rolling the chicken, and then wrapping it in prosciutto and baking it. Super tasty, not all that difficult even if it was several steps, and perfect with some roasted broccoli and a baked potato. 100% would make again, ideally for a dinner party.

Then I watched the debate (and drank more wine), then I debriefed with Katie, and now I need to think about going to bed - goodnight!

they couldn't go back to the greasers, the best they could do was pick up the pieces

I had a headache literally all day today; my face feels like my jaw is trying to clench, but since I paralyzed my jaw with botox (I regret nothing, it was intentional to stop the clenching) the rest of my face was trying to clench to make up for it. Or maybe it was just the massive weather change, the fact that all my San Francisco friends are posting apocalyptic nightmare photos of orange/red skies, too much work, and not enough good news.

sssanyway, I probably started off less than enthused because my first meeting was at 8:30 (but the person I met with was visibly exhausted bc her kids only let her sleep two hours last night, so I was doing better than her) and I slogged pretty much straight until six. I did take a pause to check my turnip prices in Animal Crossing (#priorities) and eat some chili, and I also took a quick walk to get some fresh air -- all the snow melted off the trees today, so even though it wasn't snowing I had to keep my hood up to ward against the massive amounts of melting snow showering onto the sidewalk.

After work, I boiled some water, cooked a single serving of spaghetti, and reheated some of the bolognese sauce that I made (but didn't eat) last night. It was pretty much perfect - if I weren't a member of the gluten free mafia, I probably would spend quarantine perfecting making fresh pasta, but that's not in my future. And this particular bolognese is delish even with gluten free spaghetti (which it should be, since it takes 5+ hours to make). Then I doomscrolled twitter before finally logging off, taking care of some tings, looking at desk chairs, etc.

And now, I should contemplate going to bed - goodnight!

i needed to lose you to love me

Today marked an important milestone - I got my hair cut for the first time in a year. In fact, I just looked it up, and my last hair cut was on August 17. I'd tried a new salon then, was only marginally sold on it....and then went to Australia, Tahoe, Berlin, Gram's funeral, Thanksgiving, Christmas, LA/Oceanside, and Disney World. Granted, there were breaks in between, but I was still settling into my new house, dealing with work stuff, etc., and so I kept putting a hair cut off. And then quarantine happened. And so my hair was hitting the waistband of my jeans and had become impossible to dry in any reasonable amount of time, and it was all feeling just a bit too wild.

So I went to the Aveda salon on 32nd, and it was great. They only had 2-3 stylists there (in a salon with 12 chairs), and everyone wore masks and they took my temperature when I walked in, so it felt about as safe as it could. And my hair now feels bizarrely short, even though it's still below my shoulder blades. I never thought I would be this excited to get a hair cut, but desperate times.

Amusingly (not amusingly), I also discovered that I'm now incapable of walking in heels. I wore some platform sandals for like the second time since March, and while I was walking to the salon I completely ate it on the sidewalk - like, full on sprawl on the ground, skinned my elbow (it's hard to skin an elbow on a sidewalk), skinned a finger, and maybe pulled something in my left arm since I can't lift it above my head. So, my natural grace hasn't improved in quarantine, and my inability to wear shoes may become a problem in the after-times....but those times aren't here yet, so I'll go back to wearing slippers and sneakers and hope for the best.

Then I came home, threw some laundry in, and went back out to pick up lunch at Garbanzo's (I'm in a bit of a cooking strike, probably because it's been 95+ for weeks and everything is burning). I spent several hours this afternoon doing a variety of tings around the house. Then I talked to Joann and Jen (aka the friendship renewal group) - the fire situation in California sounds awful, so hopefully everyone stays safe.

After that, I packed up my cooler full of magic and went over to hang out with Katie and James in their back yard. I took stuff for Aperol spritzes, as well as a bunch of cheese and salami and snacks, and we had a delightful late afternoon the stretched on until ten p.m. They made burgers and sweet corn, and it was about as happy as it could be considering that our conversation kept turning to a variety of apocalyptic scenarios.

And now, I need to sleep - goodnight!

and you're making me feel like maybe i am somebody

I'm finally back in Denver, and I need to water my plants and then go to bed. Today was a long day - I woke up around 5:15 and couldn't go back to sleep because I was thinking about slides, so I finished them while sitting in bed. Then I showered, packed, checked out, stowed my bags, and grabbed a Philz on the way to the office - I drank that coffee while sitting in the barista area at work, which made me look next-level ridiculous because I was drinking coffee that I'd paid for in front of all the people who were getting free coffee instead. But #noregrets because I love Philz and I was happy to have one last cup before leaving SF.

The VP presentation that I had to do today went really well, all in all - or at least I think it did. But I have quite a bit of confidence when it comes to most presentations, so of course I think I crushed it. We'll see when and whether I get any substantive feedback after the fact, but at least it's over and I feel like I did as much as I could to make it successful.

Still, despite my confidence, I felt like throwing up before and had to come down off the adrenaline after (I've been this way since high school Brain Bowl competitions, where I would routinely throw up beforehand and then dominate). So I didn't have lunch at work when it was over - instead, I walked back to my hotel, grabbed my bags and my car, went to the airport, and had a late lunch (burrito bowl) and a glass of wine to unwind while sending a few emails.

The flight was entirely uneventful, and I got home with no issues. Coronavirus is clearly wreaking havoc on travel - my hotel room last night was absurdly cheap, the security line at SFO was the shortest I've ever seen it, my flight had empty seats (and I got upgraded), and when I picked up my car at Denver, the guy there said they've been super slow and that he's scared (as evidenced by him putting hand sanitizer all over a pen before getting me to sign my credit card slip). It's also interesting to see that just about everyone is taking hand washing v. seriously, and I will be curious to see how quickly my hands crack and bleed if I wash them as much here as I was washing them in SF.

sssanyway. It's really time for bed - I need to get to the office early to get some tings done, so wish me luck with that. Goodnight!