heaven's got a plan for you

No blog tonight, since I'm already falling asleep, but I had a v. nice, chill day. I spent the morning writing + packing so I could switch hotels - and I was supposed to stay with Chandlord tonight, but I got a decent last-minute deal at a Marriott-type property using some of my hoarded points, so I checked in here instead. I haven't been sleeping well, so a real bed and an early night seemed important.

Then, I drove to the magical north bay (aka Mill Valley) to have lunch with Tony. He owned my fave cafe in the Marina when I lived there, but he shut it down during covid and never reopened. So we ate brunch together, and it was a delight. Then I came back to the city, checked into my new hotel, picked up Tom, and had tea with him at Fort Mason / The Long Now. We talked about writing, etc., which was great.

And now, I am going to go to sleep - my evening was quiet (salad and fries at the bar, although I chatted up the bartender because I realized she used to be at Le Meridien) and now I need to sleep. Goodnight!

you don't want to hurt me but see how deep the bullet lies

Today was a normal day that ended in bizarro-land, which is how so many days used to end when I lived in San Francisco. I awoke this morning and lazed about until it was time to get ready, and then I had just enough time to pull myself together and check out of the Kabuki before meeting up with John and Jess (and their little monster, aka Ian) in Sausalito. They had sailed there from Berkeley last night, and so we met at a weird but delicious diner that was walking distance from their berth in Sausalito. It turned out to be a lovely morning, and I really enjoyed hanging out with them, and Ian really enjoyed butting his head into my shin, so I guess we all won.

Then I drove back across the Golden Gate and went to Fort Mason (one of my old haunts), where I grabbed a green tea at The Interval at the Long Now (weird name, just go with it) and journaled for awhile. This felt so much like my old life, and so much like home, that I'm still emotionally processing how much SF feels like home and how much Denver feels like...not home. But I choose not to examine how the human feces and earthquake potential feel like home, and how the free parking and hot bearded men feel like not-home....better to just think they're equal, and ignore the repercussions of my choices.

ssssanyway.

After Fort Mason, I checked into my hotel, then had a late lunch and an even later coffee with Vidya (aka Chandlord). Then I made slides for several hours. Then I went to the bar and kept working on slides, but I also met a woman named Candy who used to date the mafia of North Denver (as did her mother), and who married someone else for twenty years but clearly still felt like the cute mafia boy was the love of her life, and who bought me a glass of wine and called me 'baby girl' when I left the bar. So I guess we clicked, and I guess I still have my ability to go deep with strangers, which I haven't done nearly enough of lately.

sssanyway again, I now need to go to bed - I have a big presentation to my VP tomorrow, and I need to be all in on my charisma in case she hates the content. Wish me luck - goodnight!

don't pick up the phone

I had an amazing day, but all the fun wiped me out and I need to go to bed right now. I rolled out of bed at 7:30 this morning, showered, and went to my old neighborhood to have breakfast at my favorite cafe (ten points if you remember, without prompting, that it's owned by Tony). I sat at the bar and had huevos rancheros and chatted with Tony while he was cooking - I got there early enough that I was able to say more than a couple of words to him, which was exactly my plan, so that was fun. It did make me nostalgic for my old neighborhood, but I think Colorado is still the right move despite the memories....

...but Colorado doesn't have easy access to Sonoma, so maybe I'm wrong. After breakfast, I picked up Lauren (aka Subz) and we went up to Sonoma for the day. Our first stop was Gloria Ferrer, where we had some delicious sparkling wine (my fave) and I ended up signing up for the wine club again (don't judge, I love them). It was just slightly chilly on the patio, but it was totally gorgeous, and they had lap blankets, so it was pretty perfect.

We left the car there and took a lyft into Sonoma proper, where we wandered around the square and stopped in at Schug, where we had a delightful conversation with an Italian guy who was doing an internship with them (I dumped my tastes after a couple of sips, but did buy a bottle of cab franc). Then we had lunch at The Girl and the Fig - Subz and I both agreed it's not quite as good as its hype, but it was still yummy, and I had fond memories of earlier trips there (with Ritu, Bill and Terry when Ritu/Bill were choosing their wedding venue, and with Kathia a lifetime ago).

After lunch, we took a lyft out to Scribe, which I'd never been to before - it requires reservations for tastings, and Lauren had gotten us in, which turned out to be amazing. We had a couple of couches to ourselves on a veranda overlooking the vineyards, and it was a perfect place to chill for a couple of hours and sip wine and eat tasty snacks. We eventually caught a lyft back to Gloria Ferrer and came back to the evil city, where I was sad to say goodbye to Lauren - it was a super fun, wonderful day, which I was v. much in need of, and I'm glad we got to spend so much quality time together.

When I got back to my hotel, I promptly took a nap, then talked briefly to [censored] before wandering out in search of food. I went to Jitlada because I was craving Thai and it's only a couple of blocks away from my hotel - it wasn't quite as good as what I was wanting (because what I really wanted was pad see ew at Lers Ros, but I didn't want to go that far away), but it definitely hit the spot. And now, after feeding myself, taking care of a few tings, and getting ready for bed, it's time for sleep - goodnight!

hold back the river let me look in your eyes

Apologies for not blogging last night. I've had a v. eventful couple of days in my old hometown, starting with brunch with Heather (aka dear respected madam) yesterday, which was a perfect way to end my time with her. Then I drove from San Jose to Marin to see Grace - Grace is one of my favorite writerly people, and while our time together was all too brief, we enjoyed some delightful conversation over tea next to a (nonfunctioning) fire pit at a store near her house.

Then I drove back to the city of sin and had a v. perfect (for me) night - I actually gave myself a night off from the social whirl, went to Gardenias (v. near my hotel, and a place I'm v. familiar with) and had a pork chop and three glasses of wine while journaling for a v. long time. No, wine isn't whole30 approved - I've decided that while I'm traveling the whole30 thing is v. difficult, but I'm being v. strict on grains and sugar and mostly strict where possible on the rest of the weird restrictions. And if this is the last time I'll be in SF for awhile, my soul craved one of my favorite kind of nights - holed up at the bar of a nice restaurant, watching the wait staff execute their carefully orchestrated dance while sipping wine and writing in my journal.

It was #worthit, but when I came to my hotel I was so tired that I fell into bed without even taking my contacts out, let alone washing off my makeup. Oops. I didn't sleep all that well, no doubt impeded even more by the guy outside at 4am who was either high or mentally ill (or both) and kept screaming about killing someone and stabbing them in the eyes. Since I'm on the sixth floor, it's clear this guy was really going for his verbal threats, even though I heard nothing to indicate that he was talking to anyone but himself.

Today was super fun, all in all. I got up earlier than I wanted to to move my car, which was made slightly more interesting by the dead bat on my windshield (I did not touch it, obvi, since rabies is not my jam). Then I showered and drove to the dirty east bay to have brunch with John and Jess. I was going to make it clear that I am in it for John and Jess instead of Saul's (which is not entirely true), but since Jess made it clear immediately that she was there to eat my bagel (which comes with my order even though I can't eat it), I think all pretenses of friendship are over.

sssanyway. We had a delightful breakfast (don't call it lunch), and then they went home to retrieve the baby from the nanny and I got my nails done in a rather impromptu fashion. Then I drove back to the evil city and went to the marina for awhile, where I sat/watched the water/journaled/wandered around Fort Mason and bought a stupidly expensive $6 juice.

Then I went to visit Lauren (aka Subz) - we had tea and sympathy at a cafe near her house, and it was perfect. I, of course, wish that we had more time, but child duties called. But I'm glad we're still friends almost thirteen years after living together in India (and almost sixteen years after I went to Berlin with her now-husband), and it's always great to hang out with her.

Then I went to my old haunt at Morning Due and had a snack and journaled some more before meeting up with Adit (no one calls him the cat) at Schmidt's, where we had heated mulled wine and conversation until we both had to rendezvous with our other plans. In my case, that meant picking up Vidya (aka Chandlord) and dragging her to the Marina so we could eat at Bistro Aix (one of my old faves). I had the chicken and we split the burrata (ooops, dairy, but #sarasnotsorry).

But now I really need to sleep since I have to get up in seven hours - goodnight!

it's the sun that burns, it's the wheel that turns

It smells like death in Northern California - which is more accurate than I would wish to be, since the particulates in the air and the grim haze that hangs over our heads come from thousands of homes and an unknown number of lives lost. I'm a hundred miles from the fires, but the winds that are fanning the flames are also carrying the smoke south, so strongly that by this afternoon, even the inside of my well-insulated, well-purified office building smelled like a campfire. 2017 was already feeling apocalyptic, but adding visible death to the air certainly hasn't helped things.

sssanyway. I've stopped checking my favorite wineries' facebook pages for updates, since it's useless, superfluous, and also so fucking elite to care about the wineries at this point. But I've had so many great times in Napa, Sonoma, and Mendocino, and I hope enough survives that they can bounce back quickly....

sssanyway again. I had a long day that was completely full of meetings - I had fifteen free minutes from 9:00 to 4:30, which, it turns out, is not enough time to actually do any work. But my meetings were good, etc. After my calendar freed me from my bonds, I sat around and did actual work for a couple of hours, and then I adjourned to Shana Thai, where I had a solo date with some pad see ew and my bullet journal. This one is my work version, which is not nearly as colorful (yet - I'm waiting to show them the full extent of my madness) - but I went through my first few weeks' worth of notes and migrated important things forward, which really helped me to clarify my thoughts and priorities.

Yes, I've fallen headlong back into corporate whoredom. I expect this will die down once I get settled in Boulder and can develop more of a personal routine/life, but for now, I'm weirdly enjoying it.

And now I must sleep - goodnight!

we are explorers

As you may have guessed from the brevity and content of last night's post, today was all about paying the wages of my sins. Yesterday was worth it, though. Lauren, Terry and I went up to Calistoga, and we made it to town by 11am - just in time to rendezvous with the driver we'd hired to take us around the wineries, since none of us particularly wanted to stay sober. We stopped at a grocery store to buy sandwiches first (I had a v. yummy gluten free one that made me long for the days when I could have sandwiches anywhere and anytime I wanted), and then we went to Duckhorn for our first tasting.

Duckhorn has a variety of wines, and they make the Decoy line that is my go-to for home drinking. However, the tasting room primarily serves from the actual Duckhorn line - and that, as it turns out, was delicious. Our server perhaps recognized an easy mark when he saw one, because he poured almost twice as many wines as were technically included in the tasting - including a pinot noir that I really liked, and a fantastic red blend called 'The Discussion' (the only discussion was how much I wanted to drink more of it). He also slipped an extra bottle of that one into Terry's box when she bought some of the wines, so that was pretty delightful. But even if the wines had sucked (which they didn't), the setting was perfect - it was very autumnal in Calistoga, and I was in love with the rain and mist and falling leaves.

After Duckhorn, we went to Grgich Hills, where their lack of vowels in no way indicates their ability to make a tasty wine. Because of the rain there weren't any tasting on the patio, which meant the tasting room was crowded - but when we finally got a space, the heavens opened and all the wine appeared, and it was glorious. Not only did all the wine appear, but the original Mr. Grgich himself made an appearance - he sat in a chair and signed bottles of wine for people, including one woman who was rather shockingly amorous (and it was unclear whether Mr. Grgich liked it or if he just didn't have the mobility necessary to get away - he needs a panic button or something, since it took a few minutes for the staff to discreetly peel her off of him).

sssanyway. We tasted many wines there, and we purchased a whole bunch of them - between the three of us, I think we walked away with two cases. Then we went to Lava Vine, which was decidedly not as great as Grgich or Duckhorn from a wine standpoint - but they're newer, and the vibe was cool and we were able to sit outside on a picnic table and talk, so it was a great way to wind down.

Then our driver dropped us off, we checked into our hotel (we got a cute cottage that was perfect for the three of us), and we walked to Solage, which is way way fancier than our hotel. We were able to sit at the bar and have dinner there, and the food was as incredible as I'd heard it was - my steak was totally perfect, and the fries and oysters we had to start may have saved my life. What didn't save my life was the cocktail (delicious, totally not a good idea) and the glass of wine (and also Terry's wine, which she barely started before giving to me), and the Irish coffee....but c'est la vie.

So when we got back to the hotel sometime after ten p.m., we sat around and watched SNL just because we couldn't quite go to bed yet, and I think we all were subconsciously dreading how we would feel this morning and so weren't ready for the night to end....

...and that was the right call, because I felt like death this morning. It wasn't the worst ever and I feel okay now, but I only got four good hours of sleep (the other four were in a half-awake fugue state), and I didn't have enough water or caffeine yesterday to combat the overwhelming wine experience (you would think I'm an amateur at this). Lauren, of course, made it clear that she is a far superior human being, because she got up at 7:30 and took my car to her favorite trail in Calistoga and ran for 6-7 miles in the middle of a rainstorm (it started raining five minutes after she left - I'm not sure she would have done it if it had been raining when she woke up, but she might have because she's amazing). Then we had breakfast at the hotel, drove back to SF (with a stop at McDonald's for hash browns, which is a clear sign of how hungover we all were), and parted ways. Terry's on her way back to NYC, but hopefully the three of us will all see each other again around Thanksgiving.

When I got home, I was totally wiped out, so I slept for two hours, which was v. restorative. Then I messed around, ordered some groceries, unpacked, and called my parents. I spent the evening taking care of business stuff, none of which is interesting to you...and now I need to sleep so I can write a million words tomorrow, since this weekend was not good for the wordcount. Goodnight!

me and my whoadies 'bout to stroll up

I've had way too much fun and way too much wine, but I think I'll make it through the night. I'm in Calistoga, where I spent the day with Lauren (you may know her as Subz) and Terry, and we went to many wineries and had a fabulous over the top dinner.

But that's all you're getting because typing is hard and wine is great and my head hurts and my heart is full of happiness - goodnight!

all i need is to be struck by your electric love

As I was driving home today via the scenic route, with the wind whipping through my still-curled bridesmaid hair and the scent of dozens of roses from stolen wedding bouquets swirling around me, I felt like I'd somehow performed a hard reset on my body/soul/spirit this weekend - I felt more drained than I've felt in recent memory, and yet somehow relaxed and weightless (although weightless is not true in the literal sense - my steady diet of cake and bourbon over the past month has gotten out of hand, and I need to fix that immediately). And my exhaustion should have been obvious this afternoon - I got home and made two trips up from my car with stuff, but then abruptly tumbled onto the couch and fell asleep for thirty minutes (which I wish had been thirty hours).

But the wedding was wonderful, and my posts the last couple of days probably didn't do justice to how much fun I had and how great the event was (and also how disgustingly in love Ritu and Bill are). There were a lot of really hilarious moments, a lot of really ridiculous moments (any wedding planner who doesn't think to wear a watch is probably in the wrong business), a lot of Adit moments, and a few emotional moments (for the record: I cried briefly during their vows, but mostly held it together). I knew more people than usual at this wedding, since many of my college friends were there + I'd met a bunch of the med school women at the bachelorette + I knew some of Bill's friends/family from other activities over the last few years - so it was fun to catch up with people whom I haven't seen in ages, and also to deepen my acquaintance with people who seem fun and interesting.

However, as I said last night, I blew past all my limits Friday, and then I had to put my game face back on for Saturday and summon my extrovert reserves to get through emceeing the reception. I was successful at this, although I did gnaw meat off a lambchop bone while standing up and waiting to announce something like I was a fucking barbarian. Luckily, only a couple of guys at my table saw me do that, but it was probably made better by the Burger King-style crown I'd acquired by that point in the evening. So, that performance tapped out the rest of my energy, which is why I escaped earlier than planned last night to curl up in bed instead.

But I rallied this morning for a few hours - I packed up my stuff and then went to the farewell brunch (eggs and potatoes and a lot of coffee were exactly what I needed), and I said farewell to people. But I didn't end up leaving until 1pm, even though I checked out at 11; thanks to my proximity to the venue + my inability to say no, I came home with two bouquets (plus Ritu's bouquet, which I'm going to try to do something with), two dozen white roses, a bunch of alcohol (including more Jack Daniels than I have any desire to drink), popcorn, chips, sparkling water, four pillows, etc., etc.

Eventually, though, I was all loaded up, and so I said my final farewells to Ritu and Bill and their families. But Ritu's sister and mom told me to invite them to my wedding so they can work, so I should probably look for a spouse so I can get some payback, right?

Then I drove home, taking a slight detour through the redwoods rather than going down 101 (which was probably about the same speed but way prettier). I also stopped at In'n'Out to help with my recovery. Then I got home, unloaded some stuff, fell asleep, woke up, and called my parents. And then I spent the evening trying and failing to put things away and watching swimming coverage from Thursday and Friday (I miraculously didn't get spoiled on anything except one of those swimming races, so it was all exciting to me - I'm going to catch up on the rest tomorrow, hopefully).

Now, though, I'm desperate to sleep - I should have gone to bed three hours ago, but the Olympics beckoned. Goodnight!

baby you're like lightning in a bottle

Ritu and Bill are married! Yay! Can I be excused now?

j/k, of course. I mean, j/k to my request to be excused, not to their marriage. Although since I have the marriage license in my possession and have been asked to mail it, it's possible that their marriage won't legally happen either (insert evil laugh, even though we all know I like checking things off lists too much to let that one slide).

However, I'm fucking exhausted...so much so that I slipped out of the party without saying goodbye at 12:30, and am ignoring the music still pumping nearby so that I can get some sleep. I blew past all my limits last night, which made this morning rough - I theoretically didn't have to get up until ten, but I woke up at seven (after four hours of sleep) and never fully fell back asleep again. I should have brought my earplugs - remind me to just always keep them on hand. So, four hours of sleep, on top of the five I got Thursday night (plus all the stress of driving), and the five I got the night Bill stayed with me, and the other short nights due to Olympics watching have combined to totally wreck me.

It was all worth it, though. I spent the morning getting ready, failing to caffeinate (another major problem), taking care of tings, getting my hair done (a ridiculous experience), and eventually getting Chandlord to help me wrap my sari. The wedding pictures were at one, and then the baarat was at two - that involved Bill sitting on a horse while we all danced around him and led him to the wedding site. Eventually, we all walked down the aisle and took our seats for an incredibly long ceremony (so long that I got up and got lemonade at some point) - but I liked the priest, who had a ridiculous sense of humor and storytelling.

Then we did more bridal photos, and then I changed out of my sari and into a cute dress that wasn't nearly warm enough for nighttime even though it would have been perfect this morning. The reception was fun - the signature cocktails were named 'master of disaster' (for Ritu, bourbon-based) and the 'transatlantic romantics' for Bill, replete with gin. I went master of disaster all the way, even though buorbon wasn't what I really wanted after last night's extravaganza.

I enjoyed my table (Claude/boyfriend, Adit/Priyana, Robert and his husband (I haven't seen Robert in a decade, perhaps)), and we played some madlibs and generally had a good time. I had to keep breaking to go on stage and announce things (along with Vidya and Chad), but it seemed like everything went smoothly. And I rocked a Burger King hat, so there's that.

But now, after a long, entertaining conversation in the bitter cold (where I probably offended Priyanka by telling her she looked like an Indian auntie giving advice), and having a catch-up convo with Shen, and a brief conversation with Keith......

But I'm falling asleep as I write this, so I'm going to cut it short. Suffice it to say that the wedding itself was gorgeous, as were the bride and groom (face it, mostly the bride), and I had a great time. I shall tell you more someday, perhaps - but tonight I'm desperate for sleep and so this is all you get. Goodnight!

we both know we ain't kids no more

I have had too much bourbon and not nearly enough sleep, so I will attempt to keep this brief. I am in Guerneville, which is part of the Russian River area in Northern California, in a room that is entirely too cold (which is better than a room which is entirely too hot), nursing feet that were bruised/cut after an ill-advised barefoot adventure in a meadow (doable) that turned into gravel stairs (omg so fucking painful).

This morning didn't go according to plan - I went over to the airbnb where Ritu was staying to pick up some stuff, which turned into a 90-min adventure instead of a 30-min task. Then I came home and rapidly packed, showered, and stuffed some salmon into my face to stave off hunger. And then I drove to Adit's - at this point, I was already 45-min later than I had intended to be for the day. The lateness was compounded by a variety of additional 45-min delays (speakers took longer to pick up than anticipated; I had to take Adit home; traffic was awful thanks to an accident), so I only made it to the venue 15mins before rehearsal, and was super stressed as a result.

But rehearsal went smoothly, and I had a glass of champagne before descending back into sound madness (but Adit had it all under control in the end, despite some mishaps and calls to tech support). I also had time to make one of Ritu's other friends (Geetha) help me put on one of my saris - I've never worn that one before, but I really loved it, and I was comfortable in it all night.

The sangeet and dinner were all great, and I took a few moments to reconnect with the staff of Dawn Ranch (who jokingly warned the bartenders to cut me off before I'd even had a drink - they know me too well). The food tonight was incredible - they did a really good job with everything, and I now wish I'd eaten more even though I was full then. I also talked about Scotland with Shelly's husband Keith (they were the bride and groom in #summerofmygermanwedding), and reconnected with several people whom I haven't seen in a decade, so it was all lovely. And I got henna in the form of the Olympic rings on my wrist, so yay me.

After dinner, we adjourned to the bar, where DJ Purple (the karaoke DJ extraordinaire) kept the party going. I sang "Bad Touch" with Chris to relive our youth, and I had a stirring rap rendition of Nicki Minaj's "Super Bass", and between that and my awful, totally ineloquent on-the-fly toast to Ritu and Bill, I think I've established myself as the bridesmaid with nothing to lose.

Or at least I thought I had nothing to lose, until I had multiple bourbon drinks (on top of the wine from dinner- and I was getting great pours, since I bonded with the reception barmen over romance novels and turkey slaughtering, and bonded with the regular bartender over an open bottle of wine), and also a lot of singing, followed by a trip to the meadow with Bill and a couple of his groomsmen to attempt to see the meteor shower (verdict: too cloudy, but with a lot of chance of ridiculousness). And now I must must must sleep so I can look okay tomorrow - goodnight!

i got that summertime sadness

It's summer in San Francisco, which means mist and bitter winds, and wearing my down-filled jacket on my nighttime adventures, and considering turning on the heat but huddling under the comforter instead. Today was a classic reintroduction to my life in the city of sin. I woke up to fog and gloom, and I messed around for a bit before taking four loads of laundry downstairs and then going to the grocery store to stock up on the bare essentials for the next few days (I leave again on Tuesday, so I don't need much).

The morning continued in this vein - some housekeeping, some desultory internet procrastination, some drinking of coffee, etc. But I had to get my act together and pick up Chandlord at 1:15ish - we had a date to organize someone else's wedding, and that required going up to Guerneville and tasting someone else's food. This, of course, is a reference to Ritu; there were a few dishes from our tasting in February that the kitchen needed to retest, and Vidya and I were tapped to be the testers. Since it was all Indian food (chaat, samosas, paneer, biryani), Vidya was more important for this task than I was, but I was quite happy to eat all of it. And I was happy to see the people at the ranch again - I think it's going to be a really fun wedding, and if I don't misbehave myself too badly, I think they would let me rent a cabin there during the off season for some hermity writing time this winter....

But winter is not just coming - it's already arrived. We grabbed some coffee and left Guerneville around 4:30, so we were home around 6:15, and the fog descended upon us as we crossed the Golden Gate. I dropped Vidya off at home, then came to my own home and intended to do all sorts of things, but basically did none of them since I decided instead to take a nap, mess around, and read all the horrific early tweets from the Dallas shooting (reading post-shooting tweets is, tragically, something it seems I could do every day).

I took a break from mourning, though, to have some much-needed family time. I'd asked Adit if he wanted to grab dinner, which was a no, but he was free for a drink after 10:30. Vidya was also out and about, so I met her slightly earlier at the Vestry (after taking a lyft where my driver started going off about the Illuminati, which was somewhat surprising), where I had a glass of wine and she had a cocktail and we started to talk about life even before Adit joined us. Our conversation continued through our drinks there, and then on to Monk's Kettle, where we split a bottle of gamay noir, and where Chandlord had a veggie burger and Adit and I split some risotto, and where we had cheese for dessert like we were a bunch of Regency dukes. We had a long-ranging, rambling conversation about life and friendship and balance and local politics and homelessness and anger and global minima, and it was all very soothing and very familial even as it wasn't all entirely uplifting.

But by 1:30 the monks were ready to be rid of us, so we stepped out into the mist, said our goodbyes to Adit, and then Vidya and I shared a lyft to our neighborhood. And then I should have blogged, but I was so tired that I fell asleep on my couch. And now I'm going to go to bed in earnest, and hopefully get some glorious sleep before tomorrow's adventures (lunch with a near-stranger, housekeeping, perhaps various other exciting things). Goodnight!

what's that jacket, margiela?

Still haven't hit my ten p.m. bedtime this week, but I'm getting closer, and I'm going to bed as soon as I post this. Today was gorgeous, though, and well worth recounting. I spent the morning getting stuff done at home (mainly making and consuming coffee and eggs, along with a few other things). Then, I drove to Mill Valley to rendezvous with my friend Grace. She also writes historicals, and she's one of my favorite author friends although I don't see her very often (her schedule is hectic and she has a kid; my schedule is hectic because I'm half-nomad).

We had agreed to a writing day, but it turns out that she's taking a break from writing (her latest book came out a couple of weeks ago), which meant that I was going to write and she was going to read a book. This went about as well as you can imagine. Actually, I was quite productive in the morning - we sat at a table inside this gorgeous grocery store, drinking smoothies to keep ourselves going (and later getting coffee, which was quite good). And I got some solid words in and finished the scene I really needed to finish today, so I'm happy with that.

But Grace and I hadn't really caught up since Hawaii, and we didn't see each other enough there, either, so we had a lot to discuss. We ended up playing hooky from the writing for the afternoon and going to Gloria Ferrer, where we sat on the terrace for three hours and caught up over bubbles and cheese and charcuterie. I had a glass of the anniversary rosé, which was pretty close to perfect, and I converted Grace to the blanc de noirs that is my favorite (although she is a self-proclaimed lightweight, and it's good she's self-proclaimed, because if she wasn't aware of it, everyone would have made it known to her by now). And we talked about tons of wonderful and not-so-wonderful stuff related to writing, genres, business trends, etc. I also got mildly sunburned, but you gotta pay the cost to be the boss.

Then we eventually went back to Mill Valley and worked for another hour. And then I parted ways with her, came home (traffic was great in this direction), and ordered a pizza because I'm out of groceries and didn't feel like rectifying the situation. And now, after a gorgeous day of writing and sunlight and sparkling wine and friendship, it's time to sleep - goodnight!

i remember that dreamlike candlelight like a dream that you can't quite place

I was clearly in need of a break from my book and my own head today, which means I didn't get much done - which is perhaps rather unfortunate, but whatever. I woke up later than planned this morning, so I scurried around, packed, showered, and made it out of the hotel just in time for checkout. Then I stopped at Starbucks, grabbed some coffee and a granola bar for the road, and drove back to SF before the rain turned traffic into a disaster.

The north bay was gorgeous on the way back - all green and misty, with rolling hills giving way to the Golden Gate Bridge, which must be once of the best views in America no matter how many times you see it. So, getting back into the city after several days away was the rude shock to the system that it always is. But I stopped in the marina to have breakfast/lunch (definitely lunch - it was almost one p.m. at that point, even though I had huevos rancheros, which makes it feel like breakfast) at Tony's cafe since I hadn't seen him in awhile and was craving comfort food. They were packed, which made it less relaxing, but still delish.

Then I came home and was home for perhaps thirty minutes before abandoning all thought of productivity and driving over to Connecticut Yankee to have a drink and watch the second half of the Oklahoma game with John and his friend Ping. They were headed to San Jose to watch the Sharks play tonight (apparently there's a hockey team or something down there - sounds made up to me), but we had fun for as long as it took me to drink a margarita and for Oklahoma to pull it out in the end, so that was all good.

Then, on a whim, I called Adit to see if he wanted to have family dinner. I drove over to his place without getting a final confirmation and sat in my car outside his house for half an hour talking to my parents, and then I went into his apartment and said hi to Priyanka and infant. Priyanka had a friend visiting, so we talked high Indian wedding fashion and other topics, which was delightful. And I held infant for a little bit, but apparently I wasn't hitting him hard enough to make him fall asleep, so I guess I failed that test. Oops.

Priyanka had to stay home because she has to be at work super early every day this week, but Adit and I had our own family dinner - we went to an Italian place (Trattoria da Vittorio) in West Portal, and it was really perfect. I never, ever go to West Portal, even though it's 20mins from my house - in fact, I mostly forget that that neighborhood exists. But this was like an upscale version of our Olive Garden days - nothing too fancy, but they had gluten free pasta which I got carbonara style, and they put a whole egg on top of the carbonara, which was pretty killer.

So we poured one out for our memories of the days in which we used to go to Olive Garden, and Applewood Pizza, and some taqueria in Redwood City, and all sorts of other places and times that are now dead to us. And we caught up on work and life...so even if some parts of the past are dead, some parts can always be renewed over pasta and so-so wine and family dinners.

Then I dropped Adit off at home, came back to my own home, and should have spent the past three hours writing, but I instead mostly read about Napoleon (which is fucking pointless since he has nothing to do with the current book, but whatev). And now I must sleep so I can be productive tomorrow - goodnight!

a candidate for my soulmate bled

I had another long, brutal day in the word mines....Rafe and Octavia's story is coming out of my veins now, in long, slow, steady fountains, and I'm totally tapped out by the time I crawl into bed. Again, I didn't write as much as I wanted to - and again, I need to remember that my expectations of myself are always highly unrealistic, and I'm actually pleased with what I did write (both in quality and quantity).

I spent the morning avoiding the pain of the page, and so I went to a diner down the road to eat something other than the hotel's offerings for the first time since Wednesday. The corned beef hash at Breakaway was decent, but it's no Saul's in Berkeley (which I will have to continue to visit even if John and Jess move away from the east bay - but luckily that will never happen, so my love for Saul's (and them) is safe). Then I went to Starbucks for a change of scene and did a couple of hours of work - this wasn't producing words, but was instead analyzing the effectiveness of some facebook ad testing that I was doing. The end analysis seems to indicate that I am spending too much per click and so am unlikely to break even on the ads, even though it's done good things from a visibility/brand standpoint, so I paused the ads until I can do a deeper analysis and perhaps tweak things to improve my CPC. But for a first effort, it was a good attempt, and I have some ideas for how to improve going forward...

...but marketing should be on the backburner until I finish this fucking book. I spent the afternoon in the lobby writing/messing around, and then I came back to my room and actually wrote - but then I watched the end of the Iowa State game, which was a great break. And then I procrastinated some more before going down to the bar, where I had a salad and some wine and some chocolate and was generally quite productive. Granted, I went down some internet rabbit-holes and ended up having a ridiculous text conversation with Katie as a result, but that was all positive in the end.

And now I think I need to sleep - I wanted to keep writing tonight, but I'm past the point of feeling coherent, and I have to pack and leave at some point tomorrow, so getting enough sleep to survive the drive back (likely in the rain) is important. Goodnight!

got a feeling that i'm going under

Today went pretty well, all in all....still not enough words, but the words I got were pretty good, so I'll take it. I'm still in Sonoma, obviously, and I have firmly established myself as the eccentric person sitting in the corner of the bar with her laptop. However, I didn't sit in the bar allll day today - I spent some time working outside by the pool, which was nice. And I sat in the lobby for awhile, which was also nice.

Eventually, though, I took a bona fide break - I booked a last-minute massage in the spa, and it turned out that this was key, because even though I "wasted" three hours between changing, going over there early to use the steam room/jacuzzi, getting the massage, showering, and changing back into bar-appropriate clothes, I was able to eke out another ten pages after I was done that I doubt I would have gotten otherwise. My neck was killing me after all the time I've spent on my laptop recently, and so a massage was great for it - and some enforced downtime, with no cellphone and no screen to stare at, was probably even more helpful. In fact, it was so helpful that I may have to pay to use the pools/steam room tomorrow even without getting a massage...but we'll see if I actually follow through on that, or whether I instead torture myself for not writing ninety million words.

sssanyway. The massage was one of the best I've had, and made me wish that I still had someone in SF whom I felt like going to regularly - I may have to put some effort into finding someone. Then I came back to my room, changed back into real clothes, and went down to the bar, where I had a steak and some wine and wrote quite productively for a couple of hours. I was a wee bit distracted by the tv, and so I saw the UNI/Texas buzzer-beater live, which was pretty thrilling - but since I had blocked the internet on my laptop and left my phone in my room, I couldn't react to it online as well as I wanted to. C'est la vie, I guess. But it's great to see all three Iowa teams advance, even though one of those teams holds more than its fair share of my loyalty.

But by eleven or so, the bar was starting to fill up with people from the large group that's here right now (they were at dinner offsite earlier, but came back to party like they did last night), so I vacated and came to my room. And it's becoming clear that I'm not going to get any more done tonight, so I'm going to sleep and hopefully dream of the scenes I need to write tomorrow - goodnight!

green to red

I'm pretty tapped on out words tonight...today was a brutal slog, which was what I needed, and while I'm happy with what I accomplished, I'm hoping to double it tomorrow. This morning got off to a rough start because last night was rough - I think it was the combo of taking claritin for the first time in ages (I thought I was getting either a cold or allergies, and luckily it appears it was allergies, but the claritin may have kept me awake) + the fact that someone either above or below me was playing music until the wee hours. I eventually went down to the front desk and secured earplugs, which helped, but I didn't get the million hours of sleep last night that I hoped for...

But I got up this morning, had breakfast around nine, and chose to fuel myself with chilequiles, which is the breakfast of champions. Then I did a bit of work in the lobby, but I was still weirdly tired from my night, so I took a quick nap. Then I walked to 7-11 to get a bit of fresh air and to ruin all of my fresh air health by buying Mountain Dew and some Fritos, since I revert to the snacks of my youth when I'm up against the wall.

Then I slogged all afternoon, and I slogged all night, with a break around six to take another nap, and a few breaks to stare off into space and rest my eyes, and a few wikipedia rabbit holes that tend to happen when I need to research stuff. I should probably take more non-computer/non-phone breaks tomorrow, but that's a struggle for another day. Right now I desperately need to sleep, since I've been fighting homonym typos this whole post (stare/stair...okay, maybe that was the only one, but my almost-typos in general are running at a much higher rate than usual while typing this, which is always a sign that I'm done being verbal for the night). Wish me luck with the story fight tomorrow - goodnight!

you know it used to be mad love

I have run away to an undisclosed location to finish this fucking book - I still have so much to do that I'm not totally confident that I'll hit my deadline, but I am going to give it my best attempt. Of course, once I'm "done" I'll have a month of editing madness, which is a whole different type of craziness...but getting through the rest of this draft is the first step.

However, today wasn't as productive from a writing standpoint as it probably should have been. I had to spend the morning packing and getting ready for business-type stuff, and then I drove to San Rafael to meet with my new CPA. I really liked him, and he's pretty familiar with writing-related taxes (he does taxes for several of my writer friends), so I think it will be good to get his perspective going forward (and he okayed writing Bora Bora off if I write SPINSTER HONEYMOON, so that's a big thumbs up - I thought it would be okay since I got a lot of research/story development done there, but it's always good to have a legit opinion).

After that, I drove up to Sonoma (err, my undisclosed location), checked into my hotel, and spent three hours writing in the bar while drinking a couple of glasses of pinot noir and eating a v. early dinner. But by 8pm I wasn't feeling so well - I'm super tired, and getting enough sleep is pretty imperative if I'm going to get through the mental disaster that is trying to write the end of a book. So I came back to my room, unpacked, and took a break from the laptop to watch TV. I haven't watched live TV since I was in Iowa over the holidays, so I turned on Food Network and spent a couple of hours doing absolutely nothing - and it makes me wonder why I don't do that a little more often. But I know the answer to that, since I've been crazy forever.

sssanyway. Now I am going to go to bed early, sleep as long as I want, and then hit it as hard as possible tomorrow. Wish me luck - goodnight!

monday left me broken, tuesday i was through with hoping

I woke up this morning in Guerneville...or, to be more accurate, I woke up every hour last night in Guerneville, and I woke up for the final time around seven a.m. The bed was comfy and the cabin was quaint, but my body is beginning to rebel against my blatant misuse of my liver, and I don't sleep well in strange beds. Also, I am covered in bruises of indeterminate origin and blisters from wearing a variety of shoes I don't usually wear and bug bites from Hawaii and itchy skin from too much accidental gluten. So it's well past time for me to detox and drink water and sleep and hope that my body forgives me for this latest round of abuse.

However, #noregrets. I had an awesome time at Steph's wedding, and Ritu's tasting yesterday was super fun and super delicious. But this morning I was pretty surly, and it would have been for the best for everyone if I could have some alone time - but instead, Chandlord had to suffer through a ride back to SF with me in rush hour. She survived, though (she was alive when I dropped her off, so if something happened to her today, I didn't do it). And then I came home, stared at my laptop for a little bit and did some tracking for a promo I had going (my first book is free and I ran an ad for it that got it into the top 20 free books on Amazon and Apple, so that's good).

But I really couldn't focus well today. So I went to Sweet Maple and had brunch - amusingly, I ran into my two favorite servers from Tony's cafe, since Tony is closed on Tuesdays and we were all cheating on him. The coffee did a little bit to revive me, as did a stop at the Japanese stationery store to buy some washi tape (necessities that no one thinks are necessities but me and Japan). But when I got home, I still took a long nap, which did even more to restore me.

Then, I was going to write, but my brain still felt foggy, so I did a thorough cleaning of the apartment (everything but vacuuming), and then I did email/business stuff for the last couple of hours. And now, I'm going to take the unprecedented step of going to bed (my own bed!) totally sober and totally early, and hoping I can get nine hours of sleep so that my brain wakes up ready to write. I've got four weeks to finish this book, so it's time to be in it to win it. Goodnight!

slowly drifting, drifting away

im typing on my phone, so excuse the typos....but today's adventure was Day Five of wedding funtimes. Today wasn't a wedding, though - I came up to Russian River to participate in the tasting for Ritu and Bill's wedding. When i woke up, I really just wanted to hermit out and write a book, but I managed to drag myself out of bed and into the shower and into some clothes so that I could pick up Chandlord (mostly) on time. We drove up together, which gave us ample time to catch up before the fun...

...and while I never guessed how much fun tasting for someone else's wedding could be, this was actually super fun. That could be because of the nine bottles of wine they opened for the seven of us, but I'm not sure. We tasted food for both Friday and Saturday, and it was all so good - it's clear that they have some real talent, since I don't usually like lamb and the two lamb dishes were some of the best things in the menu.

But I won't spoil anything for you since some of you might be at this wedding in August. Suffice it to say that the venue is really gorgeous, to the point that I may have to come up here for a week and write. And the owner is also awesome - to the point that I almost regret that Ritu found him, since I now can't get married here but want to hang out with him and make his staff cook for me again.

C'est la vie. After the tasting, we sat around while Ritu dealt with a potential photographer, and then we went down the street to taste ice cream (amaze balls, especially the lavender honeycomb - and I don't usually go for lavender in food). Then we drank leftover wine from the tasting, and then we had dinner at Boon (? It's all blurring together). I should mention that today was Ritu, Bill, their parents, and me and Vidya, which was a hugely delightful group. And dinner was so delicious - too bad I was so full that I had no choice but to split some fish and Brussels sprouts with Ritu's mom.

Then we came back to the ranch, counted all the ladybugs infesting Bill's room, and then Ritu and I sent everyone else to bed (including Bill, who fell asleep next to us) while we drank more wine and debriefed.

And now I need to sleep - Vidya and I are leaving early tomorrow, and then I need to go into hardcore hermit mode and write for the next few days. Or, even if I don't write, slowing my roll on the wine and eating more salad would probably be a good idea. Goodnight!

hold me closer tony danza | them baggy sweatpants and the reeboks with the straps

At approximately 11:30p.m., I turned to Adit and said that I needed to take it slow tonight because I have brunch plans at 10a.m. and didn't want to repeat last night's off-the-rails adventure. But then he got this crazy light in his eyes, and I got a crazy light in my eyes....and experienced readers can guess what happened, and why it's now four a.m. and I have to get up in 4.5hrs. So I'm taking the unprecedented step of using two song lyrics for the post title, but since I feel like I lived several days compressed into this one, I'm going to go with it.

The first part of my day was highly professional; I went up to Sausalito to meet with some writer friends, and we found a really awesome coworking space that I would love to go back to. Then we had lunch at Salito's, which was right on the water, and my fish was delicious.

But you don't care about any of this - you're just waiting for the part where I had like ten drinks, so I'll try to speed this up.

I got home around three, and then I cleaned my bathroom, took a nap, and worked until six. And then I got ready and walked across the street to Yamasho for karaoke. John (the John from two weeks ago) had suggested karaoke themed around singers who died recently...but a combo of David Bowie and the Eagles is actually fairly depressing/ridiculous, so we added any singers who have died, or any singers who we wouldn't mind seeing dead. That expanded us into Nirvana and Stone Temple Pilots ('Vasoline' is always a song I love when I remember it, but I never remember it) and a variety of other choices...although how we ended up singing 'Tiny Dancer' multiple times is beyond me.

But after singing for 2.5hrs, we were all famished, so we adjourned to Flybar for drinks/dinner. There were six of us (Chandlord, John, Rajiv, Sheila, and Nina), and we spent a couple of hours having a highly ridiculous conversation about high school crushes on Al Gore + sending goats as gifts.

At that point, my evening was still sedate, but it was about to go off the rails. John, Chandlord and I took a lyft to a bar in SOMA for Misha's birthday party, but John walked in, took one look at the party, and left - he somehow tops even me on the hermit spectrum. But I kept walking in, and we immediately found Annie, who gave us a tour of the bar (lost on us, since we spent most of the evening in the same four feet of space, until it was time to dance).

And then we saw a bunch of other people, and then Adit showed up, and my liver waved a white flag upon seeing his face, Pavlovian-style, as though it knew there were no other options. So I had a pisco sour and a gin and tonic (and a bit of another gin and tonic), and a shot of whisky and a shot of tequila, and I was glad that we're getting old since Adit stopped there rather than continuing to ply me with alcohol (or me continuing to accept it).

We also danced a ton (although the deep house went way too deep for awhile), and I met some new people, and I avoided talking to some old people (mostly just the guy whom I've been introduced to many times in the past decade who always acts like he's never seen me in his life). And Adit and I somehow worked a lot of real-life stuff into our conversation despite the club-like atmosphere, so that was great. And then, at 2:20ish, Adit/Katrina/I caught an uber to Grubstake, where Vidya met us (she somehow had escaped with her life before, but put it in danger again by coming to Grubstake). There, we somehow 'befriended' a South African bartenderr in line, who was exactly the kind of ridiculous stranger you hope to see at Grubstake (unlike the two furries who came in in full-on animal costumes, which was a little too far beyond even for my tastes.

sssanyway, we accomplished the first part of our recovery over cheese potato skins, and then I made it home, and now I'm going to get every bit of the four hours of sleep available to me before I have to get up and be social again. Goodnight!