now my mascara running, red lipstick smudged

tl;dr: San Francisco, I wish I knew how to quit you.

Surprisingly I wasn't hungover this morning, despite my attempt to drink all the bubbles at Nectar last night... But today still didn't go smoothly. In fact, it went so not smoothly that instead of writing this in Reno after a leisurely drive, I'm writing on my phone in San Francisco. It took sooooo much longer than planned to get everything to my storage unit and then to load my car for my trip - each thing that I had to take to my car took at least six minutes because it takes forever to call the elevator, go down eighteen or so flights, walk to the car, and then reverse the process.

So basically I spent all day going up and down the elevator. I also had some pizza and also saw Vidya, who came over on official Chandlord business this afternoon. And I was all loaded up and literally halfway out of the garage at 8:30pm when I realized I was far too tired to have any real shot at successfully making it to Reno (especially since the hardest part of the drive is the last hour). So I made two more elevator trips to bring my suitcase and cooler and comforter back upstairs, and I'm going to sleep right now and aim to be on the road by seven so I can still make salt lake tomorrow. And hopefully tomorrow will be smoother - goodnight!

are you with me? are you with me...

Tomorrow night, I will be in Nevada, which is surreal and not totally comprehensible at the moment (but that may be the champagne talking). Today was my last full day in the city of sin (with the exception of a v. brief 48-hour layover in January), and it was a lot of work and a lot of stress and a lot of fun and a lot of weird emotional upheaval and a lot of joy.

The work came first, of course - I got less than five hours of sleep, and then woke up and kept packing. I don't remember my last move being this bad, despite having a much bigger space - but maybe I blocked the trauma out of my memories. But it all wasn't helped by losing access to my car for several hours - I dropped it off at Toyota to get them to change the coolant and add antifreeze to my windshield fluid, and they checked the tires and verified that everything was good, and they also installed the new wiper blades that I'd bought and not had a chance to install. However, that meant that I couldn't take things to storage today...

...which was for the best, since the cleaners I hired were an hour late and also took an hour longer than I'd estimated to do the job. But the apartment is cleaner than I've ever seen it (except for all the stuff that needs to go to storage/Iowa), and so when they were gone, I picked up my car, and then I ordered takeout from Dosa and took a brief nap on the couch while watching the sun through the amazingly clear windows.

Then I rallied and took a shower and made myself up, and then I got a manicure to repair the ravages of the move. Then, I met up with Vidya - we walked down to the Marina together, where we had a delightful early dinner with Claudia (aka Santy Claude - 'tis the Season!) at Bistro Aix (one of my favorites), where I ordered a bottle of Ridge to punish Vidya for something that I don't even remember right now.

Then we proceeded to Nectar, where I'd arranged for a semi-private party for the evening. Claudia and Vidya and I had wine there until Vidya left, but then the party picked up quickly - a bunch of people rolled in at once, including Katrina, Anthony and Dormain, Jen, Joann, Jane, Peder (aka Timmy Timer), Suzy, and Carolyn. They were followed by Lauren (my old boss from ten years ago), Jenni, and Jesse; Tom, Julie, and Deano; Raja Shah; Justin; Lauren (aka Subz); Sam (Claudia's boyfriend); Rajiv and Sheila; and Oniel (who came despite having to drive over from Castro Valley, which is a real feat).

So that was all totally delightful. I can't recount all the conversations here...I talked a lot about Spinster Honeymoon, and a little bit about Rilla of Ingleside (with Sheila, whom Katie and I would consider to be the race of Joseph), and nearly got lured into an argument between Tom and Julie about generalizations, and made an aborted attempt at a candle ceremony, and tried to convince as many people as possible to come to Bali with me.

But now, I'm desperate for sleep...there's no way that I'll get out of here in time to avoid driving in the dark, which is almost better since I can't see the cliffs if it's dark. So I'm going to get as much sleep as possible so that I'm fresh for the drive - goodnight!

baby baby baby, light my way

I should probably try to keep working tonight, but I think I've hit a moving wall...and since tomorrow morning is the only morning that I can sleep in (sans hangover), I think I'm going to go to bed and try to get as much sleep as possible. Today wasn't as productive as I'd intended for it to be, probably because I was so tired from yesterday. But I got up in time to take my car in to get the windshield chips fixed, and I had breakfast at a nearby cafe while they did that, so that was time well spent.

Then I ran to BevMo to steal some wine boxes (and, of course, bought some wine, because I'm an idiot - it will be slightly annoying carrying those bottles into hotels every night on my drive, but it will give me something to present to my hosts in Denver, and will give me something to enjoy for Christmas in Iowa). Then I came home and took a nap, because I couldn't anymore. And then I went to get my bangs trimmed - I finally had to tell my stylist that I'm leaving, and she didn't take it well. But I told her that I've booked her for a haircut when I'm back for forty-eight hours in January, and I think by the end she was on the road to forgiveness. We'll see, though - if she chops it all off in a grand gesture of revenge in January, I'll know that she didn't get over it as well as I'd hoped.

Then I went to my storage unit, dropped some stuff off, and picked up a rocking chair and an elephant lamp (everyone should have these things, right?). When I got home, I kept taking care of business until Vidya arrived - she took her work bus here, and then she plundered my canned goods and walked away with some bounty. She also discovered that the bottle of gold-filled champagne that she gave me for my birthday has a light at the bottom, which made it even more wonderful - now we both really want to drink it, but it will have to sit in an undisclosed location until I get back.

I drove her home, and we hauled the rocking chair and the elephant lamp inside, and then I said my adieus. When I got home, I meant to work as hard as possible, but I just don't have the energy tonight. So I did all the things that require my stepladder so I can put it in storage (although I just realized I was wrong about that - I need it for something I'm doing at the very end), and packed all my wine, etc., etc., but I still have a lot to do before the end.

But in forty-eight hours I'll be high on wine and life at my going-away party, and in seventy-two hours I'll (hopefully) be in Reno without too much of a hangover. Goodnight!

when he come up in the club he be blazing up

I had intended to leave packing for the last minute so as not to overwhelm my apartment until it was necessary - but it appears that I miscalculated by about ten hours, given that I have so very much left to pack (as in, most of my kitchen) and so very little time (eight hours before the movers show up, and I'm too tired to pull an all-nighter).

However, I packed my eleven boxes of books, which is the most important thing anyway. And everything is pretty organized thus far - I probably have more stuff that I intend to take to Iowa than will fit comfortably in my car, but that's a problem for another day (i.e. Wednesday). Right now I need to go to bed and eke out five hours of sleep and then get as much done as possible before the movers show up. Wheeeeeeeeee.

Oh, but one fun thing happened - I had lunch with Gyre today, where we said our fond farewells (although I've done this to him before, and we continue to be friends, so hopefully I'll see him when I'm back in May). Of course, that was time I could have spent packing, but it was #worthit. Goodnight!

you got an ache in your mind and that's a bad way to start

I think accomplishing the rest of my packing tomorrow is *theoretically* possible - but when I put time estimates against everything I have to do tomorrow, I hit sixteen hours, which seems a tad unrealistic. However, I added some breaks in there, and a shower (how luxe!), so maybe it's doable. We shall see, we shall see.

So today was mostly spent in drudgery. I got up around eight and packed until ten, when Chandlord came over (in her official capacity as my landlord, not her ceremonial capacity as my friend) and we showed the place to someone who may rent it. I hope that works out, since it would make my life a lot easier (in that she wants some of my furniture)...but I hope she tells us at some point tonight, because I need to know. She was super nice, and it was all good - but as soon as they all left, I started packing again in earnest.

I'd been putting off the box-buying trip (you can tell I'm behind if I didn't buy boxes until today...but in my defense I had plastic stuff from Container Store, and spent time doing the main paper stuff first), but I finally ventured out for boxes, which was the usual shitshow - the first Uhaul store was somehow out (even though I'd ordered online for pickup), so I had to go to another one, which looked even sketchier than the first one. But I procured my boxes and my car wasn't broken into in the five minutes I was inside, so I take that as a win. Then I came home, talked to my parents, and canceled dinner with Vidya and Claudia - I wanted to see them, but I'm running out of time.

So instead of having fun, I packed from five until midnight, with a break to rant about Instacart (whom I've grown to despise over the past six months; I thought that there was no way they could screw up five items from Target even though they usually screw up something with my groceries, but instead they screwed up two of the five - they replaced my quart ziplocs with sandwich bags, and replaced my 68 gallon ziplocs with 15 2.5gal ziplocs. Stupid). And now I really need to sleep if I'm going to get through tomorrow - goodnight!

i'm better, so much better now

So much to do, so little time. So of course I procrastinated more than I should have today - I got a lot of stuff done, but I procrastinated on leaving the house to take care of the outside errands because of the rain. But I did everything I absolutely had to do, and I sorted through all the clothes in my closet, which was a big task. That still leaves books, and shoes, and handbags, and kitchen supplies, and bathroom supplies, and a variety of other things for me to purge, but at least clothes are a start.

But I took a break at nine p.m. because Chandlord came over to discuss her recent trip to Myanmar + my upcoming move (in both a personal way and a landlord way). She drank sparkling water and I had a boulevardier, and it was great to hear about her trip. It made me both a) eager to get going and have fun in Bali and b) sad that I'm not going to see her for a few months. But it was great to see her despite my mixed emotions!

Then she left, and I took care of some tings, and now I need to sleep so I can ramp up my move situation tomorrow. Goodnight!

it's all your fault i screen my phone calls

I had a great day, despite some initial sloth, and now that I'm staring down the beginning of Lucy's book in earnest, it's probably time to quietly keep reminding myself that a) I've written six books, so I can surely write a seventh; b) the beginning always feels like shoving through molasses; c) it's possible to accomplish a lot in one or two solid hours and I shouldn't hate myself for how I spent the rest of them (although it would induce more happiness if I spent the rest of them reading or wandering through the city instead of aimlessly scrolling through twitter).

But despite the early sloth, I managed to recover. I spent the morning cleaning up stuff around the house, and then I engaged in some sloth, and then I took a bath to reset (bathing/showering often helps me reframe and get into the story again, provided I'm not angry about something, in which case showering is an opportunity to plot murder). Then I ran to Whole Foods to pick up a couple of things for this afternoon - my timing was far less ideal than it was on Friday, so the lines were ridiculous, but I was in and out about as efficiently as I could have been today.

After the grocery store, I met up with Tom for a writing date at Quetzal. I don't actually like Quetzal, but they have plenty of space and are v. conveniently located between us (and my jasmine tea, since I was avoiding sugar and non-heavy-cream milk products and so couldn't get a coffee, was serviceable enough). Tom and I caught up for a little bit, and then I wrote for awhile and actually got three pages, which was better than I expected - hopefully that will give me some momentum for tomorrow.

But I had to end early - the Shedletskys were coming over for dinner/Olympics watching, and so I needed to come home and prep. I made chicken bouillabaisse, which is one of my go-tos for meat-eaters when I want to make something that looks/tastes impressive but is actually easy (and whose leftovers I will happily eat for a couple of days). There's something wrong with the rouille recipe to go with it - rouille is a mayonnaise, and while it came together flawlessly the first time I ever made it, I've never been able to get it to come together since then (although even the runny, oily mess is tasty, since it's full of oil and egg and garlic and lemon and salt and saffron). But the chicken and potatoes are out of this world delicious - and if it weren't for the cup of wine and 3tbsp of Pernod in the base, it would be pretty close to the paleo-type whole30ish thing I'm doing. So, at least for this time, I'm calling it a win.

Of course, drinking my share of two bottles of wine is not whole30-approved - but Shedletsky brought a v. nice pinot noir, and then I made the mistake of opening a bottle that I'd bought when we had our epic wine tasting afternoon in Sonoma last year, so of course we had to finish that as well. Ostensibly we were going to watch the closing ceremonies, but those seemed boring, so we instead flipped through some esoteric sports whose rules we didn't know (air rifle, handgun, skeet, synchronized swimming, rhythmic gymnastics, etc.), and that was super fun.

But they eventually left, and I ran the dishwasher and did some writing admin stuff and drank some water (and, admittedly, ate some ice cream - I never crave ice cream, but I've had it twice in three days since starting to kind of move toward this whole30ish thing, which is a little weird...but I'm going to blame it on all the leftovers in my freezer from my Olympics party, which I should probably toss). And now it's time for bed - I'm pretty recovered from the wedding and excited to move forward on Lucy's story, so it's time to get some sleep and hit it in earnest tomorrow. Goodnight!

all we need is somebody to lean on

I just stayed up way too late considering how tired I am - I was watching old gymanstics replays and working on my website and somehow the night got away from me. But today was good, although I still have a lot of recovering to do - I laid in bed until 9:30 and probably could have stayed there for another couple of hours, but I had to get up and go to Palo Alto.

My task there was lunch with Alyssa (remember her?) - my old trainer, whom I hadn't seen in approximately nine months. It was great to see her and catch up, and we had lunch at Joanie's, which I always enjoy. Then she showed me her new gym space - they recently took over the building that used to house my favorite stationery story on California Ave (Village Stationers), which is great for them and sad for paper-lovers. But the space looks great, and I said hi to Chris, who owns the business, so it was great to catch up with them.

Then I said farewell (with a promise to get together again soon) and drove to San Bruno, where I had a writing date with Barbara and Deborah. I got basically nothing done, since I'm still too tired to feel creative, but I ran my plot ideas by them and they were in favor, so at least there's that. Then I came home and took a nap, which helped.

So I was going to watch Olympics and work on my website all night, but at 6:45 I got an impromptu call from Chandlord - she and Ronak came over so he could see my place, and then we all ended up seeing 'Florence Foster Jenkins' starring Meryl Streep and Hugh Grant. I thought the movie was cute - not the best movie ever, but the performances were great and I liked the premise.

Then I came home and watched more gymnastics (I'm caught up on everything except floor, but that result was inadvertently spoiled for me), and now I need to sleep - I want to clean up my place tomorrow and organize some tings, and also rest up and grocery shop, etc., so that I can start being productive again. Goodnight!

okay ladies now let's get in formation

Today was a wonderful way to kick the Olympics off in style. Of course, now I'm tired and v. happy that I have tomorrow to be completely hermity before a week of craziness - but today was #worthit.

I got up at 8:30 and immediately baked two cakes - a lemon cake and a blueberry cake (both gluten free). The Olympic Rings Cakes (tm) are traditionally five cakes, and are traditionally full of food coloring - but the last time I baked all five cakes, I ended up throwing away the equivalent of two cakes, and also we're all much classier than we used to be and are somewhat averse to food coloring. So I didn't dye the blueberry cake blue, which I think was a sign of great forbearance on my part (and also the cake looked way better than it does when it's blue).

After the cakes were baked, I did some other things to get ready - I went to Whole Foods to buy fancy cheese and dairy products, and I went to BevMo to stock up on rum and cachaça (where I ran into Julie and Brian, who were stocking up for their own party tonight - too bad we accidentally booked over each other), and I took a shower, and I prepped a gallon of mai tais and a pitcher of mojitos. Shockingly, though, I was mostly on time in terms of getting things ready for the party - usually I'm still cooking when people show up, but this time I was basically done when people arrived, so I was able to enjoy myself.

And it turns out that that's a good thing - far more people arrived than I had anticipated, which means that I actually had a mostly-accurate amount of food for the first time ever (we got through all six fancy cheeses! and a ton of guac, and two and a half bags of chips, and most of the cake, and all the mojitos/mai tais). I had only gotten confirmations from ~12 people as of last night, and somewhere around 25 people showed up (not counting infants), which made for a super fun, super crowded situation. I live in a studio, which is probably not designed for 25 people - but it all felt lovely despite that.

John and Jess (and Ian) were the first to arrive, and they were followed shortly thereafter by Oniel, whom I hadn't seen in years (possibly almost five years, although I think I saw him another time in the intervening half-decade). Walter and Carson and their baby showed up right before Oniel, although their baby was the youngest of the child army and so mostly slept through the whole thing. There was a flurry of arrivals after that - Adit and Priyanka came (with Vihaan), and Anthony (whose hair is reaching peak 80s band), and Dan (whom I hadn't seen in ages), and Vidya, and Justin, and Marco (Claude's brother), and Terry (still in town, although she leaves in the morning), and Lauren and Nathan (and Finley), and Claudia and her boyfriend Sam, and Sheila and Rajiv (Sheila is perhaps the only person who was as excited about the Olympics as I was).

That all turned into a full house, and some people absconded to the terrace with their wine, while others (mostly John/Anthony/Dan) talked about the Guns 'n' Roses concert that they're going to, and we all drank mojitos and mai tais, and Anthony and I very ill-advisedly tasted both the cachaças (turns out that the one he brought is infinitely better than the one that I bought this morning, but they are both terrible). Also, Adit left and then came back and then kept saying goodbye for an hour, as he does. Also, John did inappropriate things with my fake baby (Prom King), including putting him up on the skylight over my bed (which is reachable from my terrace). Also, Lauren's son unexpectedly tried to eat my nose, so if he has any diseases in his saliva, I'm pretty sure I inhaled all of them.

The party started to clear out around six (with a temporary clearing earlier when Vidya and a couple of others went to Taco Bell, although they came back), but then the second round of the party happened - just when it was down to Rajiv/Sheila/Justin, Jesse and Maya showed up, and so did Raja, and also Katrina and Annie. Round two was more lowkey (or at least it had a higher average age, since there were no children), but no less fun - we talked about a variety of ridiculous things, and Raja made some entertaining pronouncements about how easily we could all do gymnastics, and we cleared out the rest of the cheese and mai tais, much to my relief. And Jesse gave me an Olympics medal, which was v. sweet (especially after he had basically forced me to give him one with his crazy eyes - I award medals mostly at random, but it was nice to get one back).

Everyone left around nine, and I ran the dishwasher and watched gymnastics and vegged and inadvertently napped until now. And now I am going to go to bed and revel in the fact that I don't have to set an alarm tomorrow and don't have to do anything or see anyone or cook anything or prepare anything - the full extent of my ambitions is to clean the kitchen (almost done anyway), get coffee, watch some olympics, and maybe read a book about gardening. Yay. Goodnight!

imma rain, imma rain on this bitter love

Vidya ended up staying over last night, which was delightful, but I didn't get nearly enough sleep. However, this meant we were able to enjoy tea and company before she left at eight...probably not as beneficial as actual sleep, but still better than a lot of Saturday mornings.

Then I did a whole lot of nothing (other than looking a pictures of Princess Charlotte at Trooping the Colour), and then I showered, and then I walked down to the Marina to have brunch with Tom. Tom was running late, but this all worked out perfectly because I was able to grab the outdoor table (which I never get), and I also got to say hi to Tony, who seemed to be doing well. Tom and I talked writing shop for a couple of hours, and it was good to see him; I think we might try to make a more standing/long-term writing date going forward, so we'll see.

Eventually, we parted ways, and I went to Rapha (in my old 'hood) to write for a couple of hours. Then I walked down to Chestnut and ensconced myself in Starbucks, where I worked for another hour or so. And then I should have kept writing, but I went to Nectar instead - I hadn't seen Chris and Leah in awhile, so I had a glass of rosé and some company.

As it turns out, the company was excellent - I met a graphic designer (Angel) and his partner (name forgotten, but he was cool too), who is the same age as me and spent many years working for the Freemasons, which is fascinating. We had a long, meandering, unexpected conversation, covering politics and sex and a variety of other issues despite having just met each other - and Angel and I found some kindred spirits in the fact that we were heavily involved in Republican issues as teens (he started both the young republicans club and the queer issues club at his high school in California, which is kind of a sign of how much the party has changed in the last twenty years, but I digress).

So I wasn't really quite ready to leave them, but all good things must end - so I called a lyft and went to the mission for family dinner. We tried for Burma Love, but the line was unfortunate, so we went across the street to some pasta place that I really liked despite its overcrowded nature. There were seven of us, which was pretty good for an impromptu Saturday dinner - Adit was there (of course - it wouldn't be family time otherwise), as were Chandlord, Katrina, Akash, Sejal, and Raja. We vetoed doing the usual 'recap your day' round-table discussion, but the conversation was pretty sparkling despite that.

After dinner, the other women in the group parted ways, and I went with Adit, Akash, and Raja in search of another drink and more conversation. The drink was a fiasco at first due to some weird seating policies at Locanda, but we went down the street and had v. tasty margaritas while have a v. deep, wide-ranging conversation about this election cycle (which is obviously on everyone's minds).

But by midnight, I was done and v. sleepy, and my phone was dead, so I took a cab home and took a nap on the couch until now. And now I must sleep and be productive tomorrow, but I'm glad tonight happened - family time is always good for the soul. Goodnight!

oh, my daddy said shoot

So, today was supposed to be detox, but it's 1:30am and Vidya is asleep on my couch, so you know how this story ends. I woke up this morning and spent more time than I should have vegging on the couch with a smoothie. But I eventually got quite a bit done - I did some research that I wish I would have done months ago, since I stumbled across the life story of some random spy in Spain that would have fixed about a million and one issues with this book if I'd known about it before. So now I need to decide whether to incorporate that shit, or whether I should just give up and move on with my life.

Sssanyway. I also did laundry and unpacked, so that was all worthwhile. And I probably should have written all night, but I was lured out of the house by a text from Vidya and another text from Naureen to pursue a girls' night out at Benjamin Cooper. Girls' night out was a misnomer, since there were some guys there - but of the guys, I mostly hung out with Saurang (whom I'd met once before at an epic karaoke night with Ritu/Chandlord/et al) and his friend Carl, both of whom were utterly delightful (and extremely gay, so don't get any ideas if you're following along from home). I should have written my drinks off on my taxes since I sold some books to the adoring masses, but I didn't - fame is hard.

Sssanyway again. I ended up having two drinks, which was one more than I intended (and I have some prolonged conversation with the bartender about this, since he made fun of me for doing exactly what I had said I was going to do, which was to have one drink, close my tab, and then make him run the card again for the second drink). But my drinks were their twist on a boulevardier, which meant it was ideal for sipping slowly (I can't down bourbon cocktails quite as quickly as I can some of the others). I also inadvertently struck up a conversation with some guy who was in town for a wedding, but when Saurang asked me later if I was interested in him, I pointed out that the guy already had four daughters and I didn't need to accidentally complete his basketball team for him. So I would say that Saurang might be the best or worst wingman ever, depending upon what one wants.

Sssanyway for the final time. We eventually closed out, and Vidya and I parted ways from everyone and went across the street to a diner, where she had mozzarella sticks and I had scrambled eggs and hashbrowns (my late-night dinner of champions, although it wasn't as good as Grubstake). Then we came back here with the intention of watching a movie, but while I was washing my face, she fell asleep on my couch. So now I need to decide whether to wake her up so she can take care of her face (or take a cab home), or whether to let her sleep in an incredibly uncomfortable position. But this is a decision I shall make after signing off, thus leaving you in suspense - goodnight!

if you live like that, you live with ghosts

I just stayed up way, way later than intended - I was being so good about going to bed at a reasonable hour so that I could get up and write, but that plan went out the window today. Actually, most of today's plans went out the window - and yet I feel good about it.

I went to Philz this morning to write, and the writing went okay enough - or at least okay enough to spend three hours there, which is kind of my max in the mornings. Then, somewhat on a whim, I rewarded myself with lunch at Lers Ros (my fave thai place), where I intended to read a couple of chapters of MISTBORN before coming home to write again.

The eating plan was great - stopping in there was tasty, and lunch is relatively cheap. And the taking a break to read plan was great, too - way better than wasting time on the internet for an hour. But unfortunately, MISTBORN is way way too good - and so when I got home, I read until 4:30 and finished the first book in the trilogy. Oops.

Then, dreaming of the story, and dreaming of my own story, I clearly still felt like clearing my head - so I channeled all of that energy into my living space, which means I vacuumed for the first time in months. This was growing increasingly urgent - while wampdevils, as Adit used to call my clumps of hair, don't swirl around on carpet the way they did on hardwood, my carpet was probably perilously close to become more hair than fiber. But I hate vacuuming, and so had put it off - but it's done now, and the place looks better for it.

Then I did three loads of laundry to prep for my upcoming trip, and while everything was in the dryer, I made spaghetti carbonara because it's super easy and I had the ingredients on hand and didn't feel like doing all the prep work necessary to make cobb salads (although they would have been healthier). And then, when all of that was done, I sat down to work again - and I looked at the story, and contemplated the next scene, and told myself I would just read a couple of chapters of the second MISTBORN book first...

...and the next thing I knew, it was 1:30am and I was halfway into the next book. Oops again. This feeling isn't quite so pleasurable, since I basically binged on reading and got to the point where I had a headache and knew I should have stopped ages ago, but c'est la vie. Now I need to go to bed and not let myself read until I hit my wordcount tomorrow - goodnight!

we were built to fall apart, then fall back together

Most of my day was an exercise in misery, but I went out for drinks and had enough fun to salvage the end of it. After staying up late last night to work on my taxes, I only got seven hours of sleep before I had to get up again and deal with my leak situation - Chandlord came over with some people from the building to look at the leaks, and the verdict was as expected (there's nothing to be done right now, but they're going to talk to the people above us). So that only took five minutes, but it meant I had to get up, get dressed, make my bed, etc. Yes, my life is hard.

Then I slogged on taxes straight through from 10am to 5pm, with a v. brief break in there to talk to Katie, and another brief break to eat an omelette. I probably should have had way more food and way more caffeine, but I was trying to stay in the zone, so I just sorted through receipts and typed things into quickbooks and generally monkeyed around until it was all done. I really need to get better about doing this throughout the year....but you've heard that before. But I'm ready for my CPA appointment tomorrow, so at least I got through it all.

But that meant I did no writing, because by 5pm I could no longer bear to look at screens or type anything. So I took a shower, walked to Union Square, and met John at Bartlett Hall, since it was close-ish to where his friend Srini (who we also met) was staying while in the city. We decided we didn't like the vibe, so we had a single drink there, and then I dragged them up a v. steep hill (Nob Hill, as a matter of fact) to Hopwater. I'd been there once before, and it was as delightful as I remembered it - or maybe it wasn't delightful, but the fries and tots and deviled eggs were delish, and I had a couple of good glasses of pinot noir, and we hung out for several hours. Srini, it turns out, is quite good to hang out with, and obviously I always have fun hanging out with John, so the three of us had a v. good time. And I may have said 'cock' more times than I usually do in mixed conversation, but we were talking about my books, so it's required.

But all fun things must end, and I need to get my taxes done tomorrow and then run away to write and finish my book, so I said my goodbyes and walked home earlier than I wanted to. Hopefully Future Sara will reward my forbearance and write an amazing book, but that remains to be seen. Right now I need to sleep, which is what I shall do - goodnight!

even if the sky is falling down

If you were to go back in time to visit fourteen-year-old Sara, you would find someone who was far, far less fashionable than I am. Seriously, she was a total mess, and it's a wonder I have any style at all. But that's a given. You would also find someone who lived in a safe, old, remote farmhouse, which occasionally leaked and only had one bathroom and also didn't have heat the upstairs bedrooms, so there were some downsides. But also, to the best of fourteen-year-old Sara's knowledge, it did not have any people regularly defecating around it (either on the sidewalks, which didn't exist, or on the ground), so there were also some upsides.

Fourteen-year-old Sara dreamed of riches, and possibly of cities, and was pretty sure she would have her life figured out twenty years later, when she would be thirty-four and making a killing as a writer or doctor or something equally glamorous. Thirty-four was *so old*, and she would obviously know what she was doing by then....or at least own a house, right?

Now, let's tell fourteen-year-old Sara that, twenty years later, she would be making a living as a writer. Yay to that. But let's also tell her that she would be spending $x/month renting (renting, not owning) a studio apartment (which you would have to explain to her, since she didn't know what a studio apartment was, or that there were any people in the first world living in a single room), and that the fact that parking was included would be a big deal (isn't parking always included?). And now let's tell her that that studio apartment is going to leak in not one, but two, places. And now let's sit back while fourteen-year-old Sara thinks that she has failed at life and at everything she set out to do if she's spending that much money to live in a tiny tiny sieve in the middle of a city full of human feces.

Okay, maybe that's all dramatic. But the apartment has now sprung two minor but worrisome leaks. Chandlord came over this morning to check out the first one, and I also pointed out the possible development of the second one (which went from questionable paint damage to actual dripping later this afternoon). Then I made her tea and an omelette and we caught up on real life stuff, which wasn't fun, precisely, but it was certainly a good way to spend an hour.

That kind of derailed my morning, and after she left I ended up taking a nap. But I rallied and drove down to Fort Mason, since I really wanted to pay a visit to Goody Cafe - and I got some really good writing done with a few hours spent toiling while drinking my favorite 'cloud and mist' green tea. Then I rewarded myself with some colored pencils and a new backpack from Flax (the colored pencils were planned; the backpack was an impulse, but #noregrets).

Then I came home, showered, dealt with the second leak, and walked down to the Tenderloin for Rajiv's birthday party. He and Sheila hosted it at Chambers/the Phoenix Hotel, which I didn't really realize existed there - the hotel has a heated pool (wasted on us with the rain, although some other party decided to jump in), and Chambers has cocktails and food, so we hung out in their room and occasionally ventured to the bar for more drinks (if we felt like drinking professionally-made cocktails rather than whatever we could make in the room).

John was there when I got there, and Vidya and Katrina and a host of other people eventually showed up, and I ended up staying way later than I planned. I met some v. interesting people, including a woman who is a private investigator and wants to be a screenwriter, and also someone who loves all my books (although I've met her several times before, but it's always nice to hear compliments, although I sometimes struggle to take them). And I had a great time hanging out, even if Katrina did ill-advisedly mention Prom King (talking about my fake baby doesn't really make me sound sane, as it turns out). And when someone said they wanted to write a book about a tickle monster, I heard fecal monster, which proves I've lived in SF for too long and need to leave immediately.

Anyway, after several cocktails (one more than I planned, since the bartender mysteriously made me an extra one), and after some fries and the toppings off some pizza, I really need to go to bed - the time change will mess with me and I also have breakfast plans, which means sleep is imperative. Goodnight!

hypnotized by you if i should linger

Today was...not good, if I'm being honest (which I sometimes am). I need to finish my book, but I'm scared of it, and daunted by how much I have left to do, and so I sank into fear spirals this morning/early afternoon. This was disconcerting and unfortunate, since I hadn't sunk so deep into fear spirals in awhile, and I had planned to be highly productive today (but of course the pressure of being highly productive is probably what caused the fear spiral to being with).

sssanyway. It also didn't help that it's gloomy and rainy and windy, which made leaving the house unappealing. But I finally ventured over to Jane on Larkin, which is only two blocks away (a survivable distance, as long as I don't get stabbed), and I wrote for a couple of hours while drinking a latte, so that helped.

But then I came home and ordered thai food, and felt the fear start again while I waited for my delivery. After I ate, I crawled into bed with my laptop and was on the verge of starting to write again when I realized that the skylight above my bed was leaking. It's not a major leak, and it may have just been some odd condensation from all the rain we've been having. But if I had been lying down instead of sitting up, it would have fallen right on my face. Ugh.

Luckily, I was sitting up, and I was home to catch it, so it did no damage to my bed. And it seems to be v. minor - I stuffed some paper towels around it and it hasn't soaked through in the last three hours, so hopefully it's contained (and it's not supposed to rain much more tonight, so I can deal with it in the morning). Unfortunately, that means I have to sleep on the other side of the bed tonight, but I think I'll survive.

So after I dealt with that, I was not in a better mood (shocker). So I poured a glass of wine, sat on the couch, and eked out another hour of writing. Then I sent an email to Chandlord about the leak, and then I texted with her about it, and then I considered running away to wine country but decided against it.

But now I need to sleep - hopefully today's fear spirals were a minor blip caused by dehydration/odd sleep patterns (both of which I had for the past couple of days) and I can get back on track with the productivity tomorrow. Goodnight!

you used to call me on my cell phone, late night when you need my love

My extreme social schedule continues unabated, and I may crash by the end of it - but today was super fun. Of course, it started off in a slightly surly manner since I had four glasses of wine last night with John (whom I should perhaps introduce as someone who is generally in my friend circle, although it's confusing to introduce yet another John to the blog mix; we were trying to organize karaoke last night but the other people bailed, so we held to the drinking portion of the wine and karaoke evening), and also a lot of sugar, which made for a mildly unpleasant morning (my liver is still weeping for its easy vacation days in Iowa, but I'm whipping it back into shape).

But I got out of bed and through my morning routine in time to meet Lauren (aka Subz) for a quick brunch in her neighborhood. She seems good, but I've got to say our conversation didn't sell me on the idea of motherhood. Still, it was great to see her even though we only had an hour (again, not sold on motherhood), and hopefully I'll be in town again someday when she can get an hour away from zee baby.

Then I came home and was considering doing some epic cleaning of the apartment when Vidya (aka Chandlord) came over, shouted 'Ellis Act!' as she walked through the door, and proceeded to make me cry. That's actually all true, although perhaps those events were unrelated. But I made her some chai, and she curled up in my freshly-made bed, and we talked about all manner of things, and it was lovely (or lowely, as she would say). Then I gave her a ride to Castro Theatre, and came home and had an hour of solitude...

And then I drove to the glorious south bay to have dinner with Joann and Jen in San Mateo. You may remember Joann from my spinster honeymoon, and I continue to feel like I need to write that book someday. The three of us never catch up on weekends, but now we feel like we should only do this on weekends - it was nice to be leisurely about it, and I feel like we talked about work less, which may be because we weren't all coming straight from our jobs.

So we had dinner at Central Park Bistro; I had scallops with risotto, which was delicious, and then we split a couple of desserts. When we were finally done there, we adjourned to Grape + Grain, which was a wine/beer bar, where we watched a nasty head tackle during the end of the Steelers/Bengals game, and then promptly forgot all about it and continued to catch up in a delightful and dramatic fashion. We ended up staying there until after eleven, which is not soooo late...but we're all old, and we'd met at 6:30, and we all still had to drive home to our respective locations (San Mateo was kind of the midpoint for me and Joann), so we parted ways abruptly.

And then I came home, and now I need to sleep - I'm similarly overextended for the next few days, which means I need to get some actual work done tomorrow (and I'm weirdly excited to do it, so I should seize that momentum). Goodnight!

i want your leather studded kiss in the sand

I was lazier than I should have been today, but I'm feeling good about life, so whatever. I took care of some business stuff and wrote this morning; I'm beginning to love quiet mornings in my apartment, drinking caffeine while everything is relatively quiet outside, and this morning was pretty much perfect.

Unusually, though, I vacated the apartment and met up for lunch with Chandlord at Lers Ros; she was working from home and looking for a partner in crime, and I was looking for the opportunity to eat something other than scrambled eggs or leftover chicken, so we accommodated each other quite nicely. She came back here to check out something that was broken (she is, after all, the Chandlord), and then she pulled out her laptop and worked on my couch for awhile. I tried writing, but it was my naptime, and I felt no compunction about taking said nap in front of her. When I woke up, she left, and I did a tiny bit of work before going to Philz and getting coffee to fortify myself.

Then I spent the afternoon messing around with the story + procrastinating, and so tonight I decided to throw in the towel. I drank some wine while writing in my journal, and then I drank some more wine while watching a movie ("What We Do in the Shadows", which is a mockumentary about some New Zealand vampires done by one of the guys from Flight of the Conchords, which Riturani recommended to me when I saw her in Boston). This was the perfect way to unwind, and I'm glad I actually watched a movie rather than messing around on my laptop like I usually do.

But now I need to sleep so that I can get up early and hit the book hard tomorrow - goodnight!

seconds ticking killed us all a million years before the fall

I didn't write today, but I'm okay with that...way back in the day, when I quit my job and thought I had everything figured out and knew how to plan for my writing life (lolololol, sigh), I had told myself that I should take at least one weekend day completely off from writing. And I think I was right about that, which makes me wonder what other things I had said to myself then (see movies! go to museums! read books! drink with strangers!) that I haven't actually been doing, and which I need to revisit and actually follow through on. Considering that the two nights I drank with strangers since leaving the day job (Joe and the thirty-five dollar shot of gin; the tattoo artist and copious amounts of whiskey) were two of the most perfectly serendipitous nights of my summer, and considering that I haven't been to a movie or museum in months....maybe Past Sara was onto something in terms of what I should be doing with my free time (i.e. things that aren't mindlessly surfing the internet to avoid thinking about the book)....

sssanyway. As I said, I didn't write - but I woke up this morning full of intention, and full of the desire to focus on what's in my control and let go of what's not. So I made some iced coffee and sat at my 'desk' (dining table) and made a bunch of lists, and contemplated my calendar, and sent some emails, and generally figured out where I need to focus. Then I did some menu planning, ate some breakfast, and eventually vacated the apartment to go grocery shopping.

The grocery shopping and menu planning, and later house cleaning, were for a dinner party I hosted tonight. It was the first time I'd cooked anything substantial for people in my new place, and it was a little hit-or-miss - I'm definitely not as comfortable in my kitchen as I was in my old place, probably because I have less counter space and almost infinitely fewer drawers. I also chose to make a new recipe that I'd never tried before, which was probably a mistake - Mario Batali fucking lied to me, and the tomato sauce that was supposed to cook down in thirty minutes eventually, after nearly an hour, needed an immersion blender taken to it to make it into a sauce. But I think I was unhappy with the outcome because I used gluten free pasta and it just wasn't as good...or maybe the pasta was okay, but the gf bread crumb substitute was too weird. I don't know...all I know is that the baked pasta with eggplant and cheese was edible, and okay enough, but not something I would ever make again.

sssanyway again. I didn't know that before the dinner party - I was just trying to get ready for it. So I spent the afternoon arranging flowers like a boss, cleaning, cooking, napping, etc. The dinner party was smaller than what I usually cook for, and also a v. different group - Adit and Priyanka comprised the 'college friends' half, and Anne and Matt comprised the 'writer friend' half. Actually, Anne is the only writer in that half (I've gone to Montauk and Tahoe with her, and am about to go to Tahoe again), but her husband worked with Adit years ago, which is why it seemed like this dinner party needed to happen.

As it turns out, the company was delightful, even if I wasn't pleased with the pasta. We sat around nibbling on cheese and meat while waiting for the pasta to bake, and we had ice cream after, which was delish. Adit gave them the choice of 'candle ceremony' or 'dramatic reading' to end the evening, and they chose candle ceremony, which was probably the right call - I'm not sure how a dramatic reading of a sex scene would have played out with another writer in the room (although there was a threat of doing a dramatic reading from my journals instead of my books, which would have been a next-level disaster). So we went around and answered questions and blew out candles, which was an appropriately bizarre end to the evening.

Anne and Matt had to leave at ten to rescue their babysitter (or rescue their son...jury's still out), but Adit and Priyanka stayed to help clean up, and then Priyanka and I discussed baby names while Adit napped on my bed. Eventually, they left me to my own devices, so I came promptly to blog about the experience since blogging is sooooo hip and modern.

And now I need to sleep, since I intend to write tomorrow - goodnight!

and i want it and i wanted it bad

Today really did not go according to plan. I woke up early this morning (on plan!), but my stomach was hurting last night, so I hadn't slept all that well. But I dragged myself out of bed and over to Another Cafe, where I discovered that Kathia had already beat me there (although we hadn't confirmed that we were meeting up). So I sat with her and worked for a couple of hours, and I came to some excellent realizations about a secondary character, but those realizations required brainstorming rather than putting real words on the page, so I was a little dissatisfied with my progress.

But eventually I came home, made some eggs, took a shower, and was all ready for success with the next errand - I'd hired someone to come and mount my tv to the wall, which I was super psyched about. But it turns out that these walls are totally fucked (and by fucked I mean non-standard) - the wall I wanted to mount it on is actually a ventilation shaft (which now totally explains the draft that comes through the cable outlet), so he ran into metal rather than a stud. Then I tried the backup wall, which would have been non-ideal anyway, but he ran into metal there as well. The screws that came with the tv mount wouldn't work for this situation (and perhaps nothing would), so he apologized profusely and restored my tv to its stand instead of to the wall where I'd wanted it to be.

This was a total bummer, obviously; my choices now are a) no tv, b) get rid of a couch so I can move the tv stand, or c) leave the tv tucked into the nook between the loveseat and the library cabinet until I feel like watching it. Or d) return to the status quo where the back of the tv is visible from the dining table, but I hate that option. So I'm going to go with c) for now and see how I feel about it; since I haven't watched tv in a month, I don't really need it out all the time, but I don't know if this is a good solution either.

sssanyway, at that point I was thoroughly frustrated, so I walked down to Union Street and partook of some retail therapy (two shirts, nothing major). Then I came home, grabbed an iced coffee at Starbucks, and actually worked for a couple of hours - again, not a lot of words produced, but I did some research into the Spanish war that Rafe was a participant in, and I think I realized some things I'd failed to realize about him before that will make the book stronger.

Now, though, I really want to sleep; today was kind of frustrating, but I trust that it's all forward progress (on the writing side, at least; the tv was no progress at all). Goodnight!

i don't have to take your heart, i just want to take your time

Not that any of you should care about my sleep patterns, but I gave up my nap today so that I could attempt to go to bed before ten and get back into my early-ish routine. The last couple of days have started later than is ideal for my writing, and I want to get up early tomorrow so I can get more fully back in the game.

However, that doesn't mean I wasn't productive today; I got up around 7:30 and wrote in bed for awhile, and then messed around the apartment and took care of a variety of tings until it was time to go to the south bay and train with Alyssa. The workout was good, even if today was one of those days when I kind of hated the fact that I had to go to the south bay - I intend to keep seeing her for the foreseeable future, but that may abruptly end if I get sick of driving down south. However, the workout, as always, was worth it.

Post-workout, I showered, grabbed lunch at Joanie's, and then drove home. I had intended to write all afternoon, but instead I took care of a project I've been ignoring for awhile - I hung up the thirteen picture frames that I'd ordered from West Elm a couple of months ago. I don't have photos to put in them yet, so the frames are all blank, but it's better for them to be blank on the wall than to be stacked on my dining chairs taking up real and psychic space. I also organized some stuff to get ready for the guy who's coming to mount my tv on the wall later this week - I'm excited for all of this to be done, since the apartment already feels brighter/lighter/more open and will be even better when the tv is properly mounted and I've sold the entertainment stand.

Anyway, that all sounds like procrastination, but while I was measuring and hammering and leveling, a crucial piece of Rafe's story line clicked into place, and I might not have gotten there if I'd stared at the computer screen instead. So I'll take whatever I can get, even if the words were slow in coming today.

Once all that was done, I ate some takeout pizza (I hadn't ordered pizza in ages, but it felt appropriate tonight for some reason, messed around with some sales tracking data, and ruminated on Rafe's storyline in my journal. And now I am going to go to bed early, get up early, and hit the writing hard in the morning so that I can be slightly more whimsical about my afternoon - goodnight!