hurts so good

As much as I would like to be getting actual work done, I spent most of today getting ready for my upcoming conference. That means laundry, trying on clothes, evaluating whether there's anything I need, etc., etc....all made more complicated by the fact that I don't have a home. But I brought a ton of clothes here in the back of my car for exactly an exercise such as today's, and I've mostly pieced together what I need to take (dresses and fun hot-weather clothes for Orlando next week, followed immediately by cool-weather clothes suitable for lounging and walking dogs and writing in Berkeley).

However, I still spent a lot of time running errands today. I first went to the coworking space and worked for a couple of hours, but then I snuck out to meet Katie at the mall for some retail therapy. I was v. v. good and didn't buy the sunglasses I tried on (there's sadness in my heart tonight), but I found some pajama/lounge bottoms on sale at Nordstrom, and I also picked up some shampoo/conditioner at the Aveda store, and I picked up the bras I'd ordered yesterday via the Nordstrom anniversary sale. I still have to go to a different Nordstrom tomorrow to pick up something else, but all in all, this was fairly efficient.

Of course, it was lovely to sneak out for a lunch break with Katie - while I expect that she'll tire of my evil influence at some point, so far she seems quite willing to keep hanging out with me, so I'm milking it for all it's worth. We eventually parted ways and I came back to the coworking space, with a stop at Chipotle for lunch (hopefully sans salmonella, although that would help me to lose the weight I put on in London/Venice/general springtime shenanigans). I worked for awhile longer (mostly photoshop), and then I took off for good to get a massage. It was the first massage I've had since Bali, and I felt like my neck really needed it - my neck has been better than I was expecting when it flared up on Sunday, but I'm trying to be super careful with it. I think I liked the massage, although she went super deep on some tender areas - if I die of a punctured artery in my sleep, I blame her.

But all in all it felt great, so I came home and tried to extend the bliss. There wasn't much bliss to be had, since I had to try on clothes and do laundry and take care of kitchen matters - but I did take some time to watch two episodes of 'Great British Bake Off', which was so very British that it was almost ridiculous how British it was. And now I'm desperate for sleep - goodnight!

feels like summer

San Antonio is Austin's sadder, square-er neighbor to the south, and my memories of this town mostly involve melting in the summer heat on previous trips. But it's also apparently the fastest-growing city in Texas, and there are tons of new restaurants since the last time I was here (2014 for a conference and 2015 during my last family reunion), so I think I can handle being here for a couple of days...

...and I may want to stay even longer than that, but duty calls. I woke up this morning in Austin feeling better than I deserved, and I showered and packed and loaded my car and grabbed an iced coffee before meeting up with Alaska Matt for brunch. We went to Arturo's Underground, which was so incredibly tasty - I often find scrambles to be overcooked/too dry, but this scramble with bacon, onions, mushrooms, jack cheese, avocado, and chipotle hollandaise was perfection on a plate. I also loved their home fries, and the coffee was good, and it was all fast and seamless (and actually underground, since it's in a mostly submerged level slightly below the street). So, that was a great way to wake up, and Matt and I continued our conversation with many jokes until it was time to part ways.

I then drove to San Antonio, where I met up with Laura - she was one of the directors at le Goog many years ago, and we've stayed in touch pretty well since then, since I consider her a mentor and also like her crafting skills. She lives here now, and she offered me a guest room for a couple of nights if I wanted to hang out - and I'm glad I took her up on it, since a) I always have fun hanging out with her, and b) there's lots of great food and drink to indulge in while having our long, winding conversations. When I got here, she made me a Moscow mule (she doesn't drink but insists on keeping her guests well-lubricated), then we ordered food and picked it up (some carnitas hash for me that was so good that I ate almost all of it even though I hadn't thought I was hungry yet), and then I sat around with her and her husband and son and drank some white wine and generally enjoyed their company.

At some point it rained, but when it stopped, Laura, Dave (her husband) and I walked over to the Pearl, which is an old brewery complex that has been completely redone into a bunch of restaurants, shops, and luxury condos, along with a hotel that looks to-die-for. We stopped in for a drink at the hotel bar, and I think I'll go back there and write tomorrow. Then we wandered around a bit and got some ice cream (ice cream is not one of my go-to foods, but this was worth it), then walked home, and then Laura and I talked about career stuff for quite awhile (we had started this conversation at the bar, and then continued it for another hour at home, but I'm not going to tell you anything about any of it because I'm evil and also lazy).

Then we went to the grocery store to get salad-type stuff for dinner, since I wasn't hungry and neither of us felt like going out. And now I'm going to go to bed at an entirely reasonable hour (10:45! but that's 11:45 on the east coast...but my body doesn't know where I am anymore anyway). Tomorrow could be a glorious free day for writing since Laura's working and Dave's going out of town, so I'm going to get up and walk over to the Pearl and eat breakfast and probably lunch and drink a lot of coffee and do some people-watching. Goodnight!

last train to clarksville

I probably should have gone to bed a couple of hours ago, but I was spending some quality time with my bullet journal and lost track of time (yes, that's incredibly dorky; no, I don't care about your opinion on this one). I have a new journal to start the new year, so I had a lot of pages to create, and I'd been putting it off while I enjoyed the holidays and the waning hours of 2016. But now that it's 2017, I want to hit the year hard.

Of course, that doesn't mean that I got up early. But I did make some coffee and a killer omelette before spending the afternoon working - no writing, but a lot of emails and other random tasks. I took a break in the evening for supper - my dad made an incredible smoked new york strip, which was to die for, and my mom made some vegetables to help with our dearth of healthy foods (brussels sprouts, broccoli, cauliflower, and peppers, which were delish, along with some roasted potatoes that were also delish (especially with butter on them)). Then we played a game of Ticket to Ride, which I won handily thanks to some long routes early on.

After that, I watched some fine CBS programming, and then I talked to [censored], and then I did some journaling, and now you're all caught up. Goodnight!

something about you makes me feel like a dangerous woman

I'm falling asleep on the couch (again...I already did that once tonight), so I'm going to muddle through this as best I can and go to bed asap. Today was a great way to refocus and adjust, though. I slept late, had some coffee and made myself a v. tasty omelette with ham and cheddar (thanks, past self, for buying some breakfast food before I left for ye olde Iowa), and then spent the rest of the morning and much of the afternoon doing a comprehensive sweep of my to-do list (and doing some of the things that have lingered on it).

In general, I think that some of my planning is an exercise in procrastination-masking-as-productivity. However, I'm glad that I took the time to really outline things today - between finishing my book and getting ready for some crazy travel, I basically have more stuff than I can possibly do in a month. Or, at least, it felt like that. But by making eight pages of notes on what I need to do, and then assigning orders and due dates to all of them, and mapping out the next two weeks' worth of tasks, I'm feeling more hope than I did that maybe I'll accomplish everything I need to do.

But by 3:45p.m. I needed to stop and move on to my next task. So I took a shower, and then I walked down to SoMa for an early dinner at Tsunami Sushi with my friend Durand. I haven't seen him in forever, and it was so good to catch up - he now works for my old boss Claire (the big boss), and we have mutual friends (he was in India after I was and we went to South Africa together), so we had a lot to discuss. So much that we were there for 3.5 hours, which flew by like nothing.

Then I came home, and now I've fallen asleep twice while writing this - helped along by a much stronger rainstorm than I was expecting tonight. Goodnight!

best laid plans

Today was entirely too sloth-filled, despite some attempts at productivity. I woke up at nine, since I was clearly wiped out from my trip, and I spent the morning powering through some of my to-do list (thanks to some techno music, which always helps). But then I had to take a break even though I was on a roll - I had lunch plans with Gyre, so I had to shower and take a lyft to his office (which is Lyft, so it's good that I'm a loyal Lyft user so that he'll still talk to me).

Gyre and I had a lot to catch up on, so we spent an hour and a half on lunch - and I'm v. grateful, since he's become a v. important person. After we were done, I took a lyft home, where I intended to be super productive - but instead, I was mostly not productive. However, I did clean my kitchen and make mayonnaise, and I ate a snack and dinner, and then I spent a couple of hours messing around with my planner (prime procrastination masquerading as productivity), and another hour answering email. So I guess that wasn't all bad...but I need to get serious about Lucy's book, and today didn't cut it.

However, tomorrow is another day, and I've set up my internet blocks for the morning, and I have a writing date with Anne and Barbara in the afternoon, so there is hope. But that hope won't be realized unless I get some sleep - so goodnight!

and all your weight, it falls on me, it brings me down

After many awesome days in a row, followed by some downtime, followed by last night's convention ridiculousness, it's perhaps not surprising that I was mostly surly and unproductive today. I'm also a little worried that I'm getting sick - I definitely don't feel right, which made everything a bit hazy (to the point that I tripped and fell rather badly on a curb during the only ten minutes when I left the house today, bruising my left knee and scraping my right palm and startling the hell out of some guy who was walking his dog).

So I mostly let myself be slothful today. I got up late and drank some orange juice and made some tea, and I spent the rest of the morning messing around in my planner (although it turns out that planning != doing, which means this doesn't totally count as productivity). I also showered, which was exciting. And in the afternoon, I left the house to drop off dry cleaning, fall on the sidewalk, and get a cold brew iced coffee before returning to the safety of my apartment.

I spent the rest of the night doing anything but actually writing/working - I did a couple of loads of laundry, cooked some chicken and fried some bacon for cobb salads for the weekend, and made a batch of spaghetti alla amatriciana since I still wanted tomato-y goodness but couldn't eat the other half of the gluten-filled pizza I accidentally ordered last night. The food all turned out delightfully, but I think cooking wiped out my energy reserves, and so I've done nothing that I intended to do tonight.

But that's okay - I'm going to go to bed shortly and hope that a bunch of sleep and all the vitamins I took today will revive me. Goodnight!

party alarm

No party tonight, unless you like your parties to involve staring at a laptop until your eyes bleed. I didn't get to work very early this morning because I stayed up until two a.m., which was ill-advised - so I'm trying to go to bed now even though I'm still cranking on the story because I don't want to waste tomorrow morning like I wasted this morning...

But I was at Philz by 10:30 or so, and I worked for a couple of hours before having some Vietnamese curry at Mangosteen. Then I came home and wasted a couple of hours, since I needed a nap and some downtime to recover from last night's restless slumber. Then I got a couple of things from the grocery store, picked up some pants that I had gotten hemmed, and spent the rest of the afternoon/evening alternating between writing, messing around in my planner, and reading websites about planning/paper/ink because I'm an extreme dork and sometimes need to geek out about paper (and have no one to do it with in person, sigh).

But the progress I made today was great...if only I had been cranking like this six months ago. But that's not a fruitful line of thought to pursue - I am just glad that it's cranking now. And now, after canceling tomorrow's lunch (with Sriram) the way I canceled today's lunch (with Gyre), I'm going to go to bed and repeat most of this process tomorrow -- goodnight!

you don't wanna ride the bus like this, never knowing who to trust like this

I'm typing this up early so that I can put all the screens away and read a book or color or something before bed (although I may just go to sleep - we'll see). Today was super hermity, initially super sloth-filled, and ultimately super-productive. The morning was kind of a mess - I woke up later than intended, and I had to stay home because I was waiting for a grocery delivery (yes, I'm so spoiled, but I'm going to take advantage of the convenience economy until all these stupid startups go broke by offering immediate delivery of lettuce). But I wrote a bit in my journal, and I meditated (I'm back on the Headspace bandwagon, although I'm only up to lesson five, so we'll see if this continues)...so that got my morning off to a better start.

However, I procrastinated some by planning my next adventure - I'm sticking around SF (mostly) until the end of May, with the exception of a quick trip to Milwaukee next weekend for a reader event. And I expect that my SF time will be mostly hermity given the book situation, but I still intend to go out and have some adventures. But starting Memorial Day weekend, shit gets real and I'll be back to my usual 'travel half the time' schedule through most of the summer. I'm planning to go to Boston for Memorial Day weekend to crash Ritu and Bill's romantic weekend at a music festival, which should be super fun. And then today, I booked an airbnb on Cape Cod for the week after that, which I shall use for fun writing times (either the final touches on Rafe's book, if I'm not done yet, or major brainstorming on the third book in the series and/or spinster honeymoon). The place I booked looks perfect for writing, and it's in the heart of Provincetown, which means I can take a ferry there from Boston and not have to rent a car, which seems ideal.

So the airbnb and the ferry tickets are booked, even though I have nothing else sorted out - I'm waiting to see whether I want to go to NYC for a week after that, and while I'm leaning toward 'hell yes', I need to do some planning before I commit. But I'm excited to get some adventures on the books - I start getting antsy when I've got no travel coming up. But after the east coast, I've got Iowa, San Diego (conference), New Orleans, and Ritu's wedding in Russian River (and the Olympics are somewhere in there), so June-August are shaping up to be hectic.

sssanyway. After I had procrastinated as much as I was able by booking trips and answering emails, I tried to buckle down...and ended up going to Jane for an hour and writing there, which helped to jumpstart everything. Then I came home, ate some leftover thai food, and ended up writing most of the evening - I'm trying to be more stern about my deadlines and daily goals, and I'd say I succeeded today, since I finished the scene I needed to write.

But I'm totally burned out on staring at the laptop, and I need to get off the couch and do something else, so I think I'll crawl into bed and read a physical book or something. Goodnight!

american oxygen

I'm still at my introvert wall, which made today a little less than pleasant...but I was destined to hit this point, since I've spent the past couple of months socializing aggressively + traveling incessantly. But I got up and worked for an hour or so this morning, and then I made it to the conference by 10:30ish, which was totally respectable.

However, I don't think I'll do this conference again - I'm actually pretty advanced in my knowledge about self-publishing at this point (or know people who can help me find answers). My problem isn't one of knowledge, but rather one of getting out of my own way and getting shit done, and no conference can solve that. Also, the discussions today all sounded extremely basic, so I really didn't stick around for them.

But I did have coffee with a couple of other writers to talk shop, and I participated in a historical-focused breakout session, and then I spent another couple of hours talking to more writers (some of whom I hadn't met before, so at least I fulfilled the networking portion of the weekend). I think I'm going to go back tomorrow for some of the morning/midday stuff, but today was enough to convince me to come home rather than sticking around and trying to have dinner with people, since my social skills were fading fast.

So I got a ride home from Grace, and I promptly hermited out - I put on yoga pants, ordered some groceries so I could restock my fridge without leaving the house, eventually ordered a pizza for supper (since someone ordered pizza for lunch and I couldn't have any of it, and was craving it after smelling it for an hour), and spent the afternoon/evening working. A lot of it was figuring out how I'm going to get done everything I need to get done in the next month - I predict that I'm going to have to try brain.fm a lot (or maybe just get some meth and write/clean the apartment manically until my teeth rot).

But I have a plan, and I have food to sustain myself for a few days, and I have every form of caffeine necessary (well, I don't have my emergency Mountain Dew, but I have to leave the apartment again at some point...I can always pick some up). So get ready for some crazy (aka boring) posts about how much I'm working the next couple of weeks (although I can't go into full hibernation, since I have some fun things planned, so don't give up on me yet). Goodnight!

appreciate your service, but i'd only hurt you, sorry

My Hawaiian odyssey is coming to an end. I'm sure you're as disappointed as I am since you don't get to read any more posts about how fancy I am -- and so you're just going to have to hate me based on hearsay and impressions of my resting bitch face, rather than on actual posts from tropical locales.

sssanuwau. I'm suddenly way waaaay too tired to blog, and I need to go to bed immediately if I'm going to get up and pack and take care of things and maybe lay out by the pool before my flight. But today was quiet - I spent the morning by the pool with Christie before she left for San Diego, and then I took a break from my sun worship to have a late lunch with a woman who works for Kobo - this wasn't conference related, but rather something we set up when we realize we'd both be around today. We went back to Duke's (for the third time, for me), and I don't regret the repetition - my pulled pork sandwich was delicious, with the perfect sauce on top of it to make it delightful.

Then I came back here, spent another couple of hours by the pool, showered, and scribbled in my journal while eating shrimp tots and drinking Seghesio zin at the bar (they let me take my final glass to go, which is a key sign of civilization/disaster). And so I finished up my night on the balcony, dreaming of my next beachy vacation and slowly starting to contemplate and prioritize all the work I need to do to get me there.

But that's all you get for now - tomorrow night I'll be back in SF, where the hardcore slogging will begin in earnest (although I have a wedding to go to next weekend, so I won't be suuuuuper diligent immediately). Goodnight!

can't feel my face

I had a generally good, albeit super quiet, day - this mostly involved sleeping until ten, which was awesome. And then I spent the midday/afternoon doing some romance work, wrapping some presents, and planning some 2016 stuff. The evening was similarly lowkey; we had supper, and then I watched some TV, and we made the unusual move of switching to PBS and watching a show about how King Herod built Temple Mount - the CBS show was 'Criminal Minds', which I hate, and watching a documentary was waaaay better.

The big thing on my mind right now is what to plan and where to go in 2016 - I need to start calendaring in which books I want to write + which places I want to visit, and figure out how to write as much as possible while also having more fun and exploring more things than I've done in the last few months. I have multiple trips already committed to (Hawaii and San Luis Obispo in February, Milwaukee in April, possibly Vegas in April (depending on whether I want to add that conference), San Diego in July, plus my usual 3+ trips to Iowa), and multiple things that I definitely want to add (NYC (maybe a couple of times), Paris/south of France for gargoyles research, possibly some of the great English country estates for regency research, something else beachy, maybe something in Asia or South America).

All of that combined is probably too much, as it turns out - especially if I want to write two historicals and finish the gargoyles and plot another series (or write my spinster honeymoon). But in case it hasn't been totally fucking obvious, I haven't been very productive while sitting in San Francisco, so it's hard to imagine that traveling could make it any worse - and if I can find the right cadence of alternating travel with hermiting, the added inspiration/joy could more than make up for the stresses of a more nomadic situation.

But we'll see - maybe by the time I get back to SF from Iowa, I'll never want to leave the city again. Now, I'm going to sleep and dream of all the things I want to do next year - goodnight!

when we're done sleeping, we'll stay busy dreaming

I gave myself a slow and quiet day to make up for my 'vacation', which was probably exactly what I needed. The sun woke me up way too early, but I pulled on my eyemask and attempted to sleep some more (fitfully, but it was better than nothing). Then I spent some very useful quality time with my day planner and my laptop, sorting out what I need to get done by the end of the month, recapping what I've done so far, and making notes.

I've been spending more time with my planner than is probably strictly necessary, but I've started tracking what I do throughout the day and color coding it so I have a very visual way of telling where I'm spending my time and whether I need to make adjustments. I think I have enough data to start making some changes...but I'm starting to see that the things I wanted to prioritize more when I left the day job (friends/family, working out, journalling/observing, refilling my creative well, etc.) are actually happening, which is great. The writing/business side is not happening as forcefully/productively as I thought it would - so now that I've achieved some balance in other areas of my life and am starting to feel pretty happy/relaxed/excited/[insert positive adjective I hadn't felt in many months here] about the big picture, I think I can start tweaking things to get more writing done and focus more aggressively on marketing.

So that's on tap for the next few months, but it's good to feel like I'm starting to finally make some progress (and recognize the progress I've already made). After I did all that (while eating scrambled eggs and drinking coffee, which I'd made for myself like a peasant), I took a walk down to the Marina to run some errands - I probably didn't need to go all the way down there, but I did absolutely no walking/working out of any kind while I was in Denver, and I wanted to get out of the house today since it's going to rain tomorrow. So I ran my errands, came home, thought about showering or napping, and instead did absolutely nothing.

But then I eventually rallied and went to the Inner Richmond to meet up with Claudia (aka Santy Claude) at My Tofu House. I was in the mood for something warm and spicy, and we had previously planned to have dinner tonight without setting a location, so I conned her into meeting me there. We had our usual lowkey catch-up session over soft tofu soup, and we escaped with our lives after a dicey moment outside our parked cars (okay, nothing actually happened, but there was definitely an almost-naked homeless guy screaming at the top of his lungs while sitting in the entryway of the building we'd both parked next to, so our goodbye hug was extremely abbreviated).

Then I came home, really wanted to go to bed at eight p.m., and instead forced myself to take vitamins and drink an emergen-c and do some online stuff and color in my coloring book so that I could make it to ten p.m. But now I've succeeded in that noble goal, and bedtime is my reward - goodnight!

i think that i found myself a cheerleader

I felt highly productive today, but I didn't write a single word of Rafe and Octavia's story...c'est la vie. I didn't sleep well last night, and I had to get up at 7:30, so the fact that I made it through today without taking a nap feels extremely virtuous. I know, I'm amazing.

sssanyway, I woke up early to loan my car to Chandlord, which was accomplished in a very efficient manner. Then I messed around online (but I wasn't ready to stare at my laptop, so I mostly messed around on my phone) before tackling the chore of cleaning my kitchen from last night's dinner party. It wasn't as dire as I had remembered, so that was a relief. And I had steak and eggs for late breakfast/early lunch, since I rediscovered the piece of steak I'd brought home from Mezes the other night...so that went a long way toward curing whatever remaining headache I had from last night's wine/staying up too late.

After that, I walked to Philz to get coffee, and then I came home and worked for a few hours (with a break to retrieve my car from Chandlord). I didn't write, but I went really deep into planning my week/month - I want to get more focused on the business side of the writing world, and I'm slowly realizing that I need to schedule/plan more in advance to do those things since, in the moment, I tend to short-circuit my brain and think that I need to stare at the manuscript rather than taking time for other types of productivity. That short-circuiting is why I haven't even really taken time to plan recently, and I'm trying to reset my expectations and build in more business-time in addition to the writing-time that I need to hold myself to.

So I messed around with my planner and made lists, etc., which was kind of fun. Then I went to the grocery store and bought a chicken, which I proceeded to devour/debone (I devoured the skin like a crazed carnivore; the meat got shredded for later use over the next couple of days; the bones went into the freezer for making stock later). And then I called my parents; since I was just in Iowa five days ago (hard to believe), there weren't a lot of new developments to catch up on, but it was good to continue the ritual.

After that, I had a hangout with Terry, and then I made supper (gluten free spaghetti with some of the sauce leftover from last night mixed with some of the chicken I bought today, topped with shredded ricotta - sad that this was way more satisfying than last night's dish). And then I worked pretty steadily for another couple of hours before throwing in the towel and coloring in my coloring book like a child. So maybe that part wasn't productive, but it was a good break.

And now I'm ready for bed, and to see whether planning my week ahead of time works well for me...goodnight!

i could fill your cup...you know my river won't evaporate

It's my last night in Bora Bora. We may have achieved peak island today; by 'peak island' I mean that time has slowed, nearly to a stop, as all the experiences begin to blend into each other and all the drinks and meals and sunsets begin to feel the same. This is not a bad thing, obvi - it's possible that this has been the most relaxing trip I've been on in years, if not ever (although Cancun and Hawaii with Katie would give this a run for its money, and Sri Lanka will always live fondly in my heart).

But that relaxation probably stems more from within than from my surroundings...timing this break to happen the day after I left my job was perhaps the most genius thing I've done in awhile (beyond the fact that I have to pay for it without having a steady paycheck anymore). I feel completely, utterly at peace right now, as though this is a little bit of a breath before the next battle after having finally won the last one. I'm starting to write down what I need to do and how I need to focus to keep this sense of  calm/peace/grace when I'm writing full time...the hardest issue I faced the last time I did this was maintaining my sanity and forgiving myself when I felt like I should write all the time and didn't (and blamed it on procrastinating...even though it's not possible or useful to write all the time). I don't want to repeat those issues, and I think setting up some sort of rough schedule would help - a schedule that includes things like trips to museums, music/art stuff, movies, friends, etc., etc.

So I spent some time thinking about that early this morning, as the sun came up over the lagoon and I enjoyed the feeling of having nowhere in particular to be. We ate breakfast around eight, and then spent most of the morning/early afternoon lazing about on the deck. I got some sun, but not too much; I took a nap, but not too long; and I called my parents, which was unfortunately too brief and somewhat difficult technologically because of the bad wifi situation here, but at least I got to talk to them before leaving here.

Eventually, Joann and I left the bungalow and did a bit of kayaking - nothing extreme, but it was nice to get out and exert myself for a little bit. Then I took my time showering and putting myself together - I am kind of tired of being covered in sunscreen residue, and so it was nice to do some proper grooming after several days of stickiness. After that, I wrote at the bar for awhile while drinking a pina colada (journal stuff, not Rafe/Octavia - they're going to have to wait for SF, I think), and then Joann joined me and we had sushi (again) for dinner.

And now, I've packed most of my stuff, and I've downloaded some new books for this leg of the trip, and I think I'm ready for the Easter Island portion of this adventure. It's possible that I won't be able to blog as regularly for the next few days, since it sounds like the internet is going to be intermittent at best, but I will make every effort to get online and keep you informed (I know, you're so lucky). Goodnight!

i sneezed on the beat and the beat got sicker

Alyssa tortured me this morning, so I'm excited to see how I feel tomorrow...she had me doing kettlebell windmills, which were the exact exercise that another trainer in the gym had mentioned on Tuesday when telling a story about how his friend showed up drunk at his apartment while the trainer was doing kettlebell windmills, picked up a far-too-heavy weight to mimic him, and dislocated his shoulder. Heh. However, the weight I was using wasn't too heavy, even if the whole exercise is slightly ridiculous.

sssanyway, I then went to work, where I had meetings basically all day and felt like I accomplished absolutely nothing. Then I abandoned the office a little after five p.m. to have dinner with Joann (of friendship renewal fame). We're planning an extravagant spinster honeymoon to the South Pacific (this is the plan I referenced a few weeks ago, which I was invited on because I'm single/fancy/like beaches), so we discussed destinations and dates over some delicious foodstuffs at Shell Shock. If all goes according to plan, it will be quite ridiculous, but I'm looking forward to ridiculous.

Now, though, I need to sleep; I have to drive to the south bay tomorrow to give a presentation in person that I've been allotted exactly seven minutes for because they won't let me videoconference in for it, and you can imagine how thrilled I am to be doing this. But I'm leaving the south bay and returning home as soon as I'm able so that I can stop working (on day job stuff) and spend the weekend relaxing/seeing friends/sleeping/brainstorming. Goodnight!

no one understands what major tom sees

I was hopeful that naming my fears last night would enable me to overcome them this morning, but I still didn't write much today. I certainly didn't actively waste as much time today as I did yesterday; I did sleep in, but after that, I didn't spend all that much time on the internet. Instead, I hung out upstairs, made some tuna salad (with miracle whip and homemade sweet pickles like a good midwesterner - sorry if you find that disgusting) for lunch, and then was forced to shower and doll myself up for an unexpected visit from some of my mother's cousins. The cousins were Nancy (whom Katie would remember, as she occasionally subbed at our school way back in the day), Donna (a prof at ISU), Nancy's son Jason (who teaches at a college near Boston), Jason's wife Emily, and Aunt Leila (who has gotten the last laugh in her longstanding pseudo-feud with my grandmother by outliving her - congrats Aunt Leila!). As I said, this was quite unexpected, since they called earlier in the afternoon and said they were coming over, but it was nice to see them (and it gave me a built-in excuse for why I didn't have time to write today).

After they left, I read through my mother's Russian cookbook (of which I have a copy in California), since we're going to do a 'feast of the old country' while I'm home. The old country actually has nothing to do with our ancestry, but since a) we lived in Ukraine and b) all the immigrants in my family came over so many centuries ago that we haven't preserved any old country traditions, it's always fun to do some Ukrainian feasting once in awhile. We'll make the usual pelminis (pork-filled dumplings) and deruni (potato pancakes), but I was ecstatic to find a recipe for something that sounds like the delicious cheesy pancakes filled with raisins (or mushrooms) and covered in sour cream that we had for breakfast every when we visited in 2007. So, I'm going to have to try my hand at them while I'm home.

Which brings me to the exciting news that I'm going to throw a "Lincoln vs. Stalin" party at some point in the nearish future -- maybe a May Day party? There were plenty of Civil War battles to commemorate in April/May, including the first shots at Fort Sumter on April 12 (which overlaps nicely with the Soviet holiday of "Cosmonautics Day" to honor Yuri Gagarin) and Lincoln's assassination on April 14. Also, Stalin died in March, so an March/April party could be fitting.

The main point, though, is that while the idea of a Lincoln vs. Stalin party is patently absurd (and I'm pretty sure that Stalin would crush Lincoln, sad as it makes me to admit that), it enables a perfect marriage between my lovely log cabin, a bunch of Russian food, and copious supplies of ice-cold vodka and champagne. And who wouldn't want to celebrate that?

Anyway, after supper (roast beef and mashed potatoes), I watched the Kennedy Center Honors with my parents, which I quite enjoyed. At some point, I also wrote a character profile for another secondary character (Madeleine's aunt), which I realized was critical because her actions in this book have to make sense with her personality in the first book I wrote, or else there is no reason why Amelia would end up in an arranged marriage. So the day wasn't a total loss, although I'm not making the progress I would like.

But now, I should sleep; we've got more family stuff tomorrow, and our trip to Missouri is apparently happening on Thursday, so I need to get some stuff done tomorrow morning before the madness begins anew. Goodnight!

we sang dirges in the dark

I was rather unproductive today; I need to stop going into my old office, because I don't think the free food is worth the productivity hit (although it's hard to say that when I'm actually going for the companionship, and I don't want to cut either of the people I saw today). My lunch date with Joy was at 1:15, and while I got out of bed around ten, I lazed about eating a bowl of cereal and reading recaps of last night's PROJECT RUNWAY (approximately 90% of the blogosphere agrees with my assessment of the complete travesty that was last night's judging). Then, I took my sweet time getting ready, blowdrying my hair even though I had no one to impress, and so I didn't get anything done before going in.

I met my friend Joy at my old building; she gave me an awesome little vampire-themed Android figurine and one of the best cards I've ever gotten, which she made herself, so that was lovely. We walked across the street to Big Table, where I overindulged in beef stew and mashed potatoes (which I could have made myself, and probably will one of these weeks), and hung out and exchanged gossip for an hour or so. Then, I parted ways with her and went over to the complex where I used to sit to meet up with Alaska Matt, who has just returned permanently from his stint in Dublin. He was only in town for a few days, since he's on his way to Alaska to reunite with his lovely wife Kia, and so I was honored that he squeezed me into his schedule. The bastard was supposed to be quitting (this was supposed to be close to his last day), but he reneged on our suicide pact and has agreed to stay with our company for another eighteen months -- which means that Kia, who had already moved to Alaska, is now moving back here and they're getting a place in SF. Bah. Actually, it's not bah at all, since I would love to have them around; they've been not-around more than they've been around the past few years, with time served in Dublin, Tokyo, and China, in addition to Matthew's travels in India (which is where I met him).

So, I'm really glad we got to catch up, even if we did it on the outermost fringes of the annual Halloween party (which has certainly been going downhill; this year the main snacks appeared to be nachos and dry sugar cookies, which is a far cry from the calamari tentacles, hard alcohol punches, and other scary delicacies of my first Halloween there seven years ago). I did get outed by Dontae and Andy, who noticed that I was sitting off on the edge of the lawn, but as I enjoy seeing both of them, this wasn't such a bad thing. I finally left when one of Alaska Matt's friends came over and killed the mood by discussing how much money he was losing in his divorce, the fact that he's living with his parents and has left everything in storage but his playstation, and his male-pattern baldness all within five minutes of meeting me -- unless his intent was to come as an oversharer for Halloween, he wasn't really my type. So, I came home (with an aborted stop at Philz, where I realized before going in that I had forgotten my wallet, and so had to turn away coffeeless), took a nap, ate some chili (even better the second day), ordered books for my blogging class (which starts next week), and generally procrastinated.

I finally stopped procrastinating for a couple of hours, not to write, but to list out some comprehensive goals for the next few quarters/years/decades. I started with all my dreams (which are laughably lofty), then broke out what I want to realistically accomplish in three years, then what I want to have done by this time next year, and then my goals for this quarter. I may hope to leave corporate America behind, but I'm going to steal the quarterly goal-setting process from my old job -- I laid out a bunch of "objectives and key results" for myself, picking three or four main objectives and outlining what has to be accomplished to successfully meet the objective. I think they're comprehensive, sufficiently challenging while still being doable, and easy to track -- the key, as always with me, is going to be to actually do them steadily and not just make a mad dash at the end of every quarter.

So now, it's time for bed; I also made a list of all the stuff I have to do to complete this week's goal of sending the first half of my book to my beta readers, and the list is disappointingly long -- so I'm going to be working this weekend. Teach me to spend too much time socializing during the week -- but then again, things likes "weeks" and "weekends" don't matter so much anymore, so I'll take my socializing when I can get it. Goodnight!

you said, "baby we don't speak of that"

The writing is happening and I'm letting it take me over, likely to the detriment of everything else. I don't really want to acknowledge that everything is coming to an abrupt end at work, and so rather than think about it or even socialize with people, I've spent the last couple of days (and will likely spend the rest of this week) in hiding, doing whatever absolutely has to get done and then running away to work on the novel. Today's "must get done" list included interviewing somebody, sending some emails, ordering discounted office supplies from Office Depot (I should have enough of my favorite post-it flags for research to last me a year), ordering discounted Fandango bucks (so that I can see movies at an effective 16% discount), and ordering a year of access to Rosetta Stone (so that I can learn French and run away to Carcassonne -- through my corporate discount, I was able to get a year's subscription, starting November 15, for only $116 instead of the $749 that the disks would have cost).

Feeling quite good about all I had accomplished, I slipped out of the office around 5pm and went to Cafe Borrone, where I wrote like mad for a couple of hours. Then I came home and wrote until now -- the total word output isn't high, since I only netted ~1200 words and deleted another 3000, but I'm trying to polish the first half so that I can send it out to some lucky beta readers (volunteer if you want to be one of them -- people who are consistent readers of romance and not just interested in doing a find/search for 'manroot' get priority). So, the lack of wordcount wasn't a bad thing. I actually was quite pleased with what I did write -- I finally got a draft of that stupid scene with the twins that has been giving me fits for a week, and while it's not perfect, at least it's getting there.

Now, though, I suppose I should go to bed. The only other thing of note is that I spent a bit of time researching prices for the California Zephyr -- maybe I should take the train from Iowa to California after Christmas? I have to cancel/rebook my plane ticket for Iowa anyway because I stupidly booked it before I quit and now need to extend the trip on both sides -- but the cost of a one-way flight to Iowa in mid-December and the cost of a one-way train ticket with a sleeper berth to California in early January is the same as the cost of my roundtrip air ticket. Granted, train travel through the Rockies and the Sierras in January might be a bit dicey -- but it's probably the most beautiful time to see the mountains too, and since I have no deadlines, I wouldn't be screwed if I got stuck someplace (unless we ended up in a Murder on the Orient Express situation, and then I would only be screwed if I was the victim). It would also be good practice to see if I want to do the Trans-Siberian someday; there are probably more Mennonites than Russian mafiosos in tracksuits on Amtrak, but otherwise, it probably wouldn't be so different.

Okay, enough blogging for one night -- goodnight!

Daily word count: 1209 (65.45% of goal)
Productive time: 5.5hrs
RescueTime productivity rating: 1.43 (global average: 0.93)

he says listen, takes my head, puts my ear to his, and i swear i can hear the sea

I'm making a list of things that I want to do while I'm funemployed, and I just added 'learn French' to it (coming right after 'learn how to knit' so that I can make my own ridiculous sweaters while watching 'Project Runway' in the future). I don't know if I will actually follow through on the goal to learn French, but I unfortunately have just enough knowledge about the language to know that I am completely butchering any attempts at pronunciation. That, combined with the fact that I had the black lung the entire time I was in Paris this spring, made me extremely uncomfortable talking to anyone, even though everyone took pity and spoke to me in English.

But the desire to learn French stems from the fact that I have this strange fascination with Carcassonne (the city, not the board game) and the whole south of France, and I wonder if it holds the key to some of my research for my gargoyle young adult romance novel. Without boring you too badly, Carcassonne is in the Languedoc, which is the area where the people used to speak a Romance language called langue d'oc (or Occitan, or Provencal). This differs from classic French, which was langue d'oil, because langue d'oc speakers used 'oc' as 'yes', while French speakers used 'oil' (later 'oui') as 'yes'. Anyway, having now already bored you, I will go on to say that Carcassonne and the surrounding region was home to a group called the Cathars, whose beliefs were deemed heretical by the Church, resulting in a crusade against them (which was far more 'successful' than the Crusades in the Holy Land, since the northern French/German armies basically wiped out the Cathars and took complete control of the region). Carcassonne continued to be a fabulous fortified city until fortifications stopped mattering so much, and is now rather sleepy, but it saw some amazing things over the past couple of thousand years.

So long, tangential story short, I would love to spend a couple of months in Europe next summer, if I can figure out a) how to do it affordably and without indulging the champagne tastes that I developed after staying in luxe properties all over India, and b) whether I can sublet my current place so that I don't have to move but also don't have to pay rent. Between England (where I could spend a lifetime), Paris (which I would quite like to see when I don't feel like I'm dying, since my first trip there was at the end of my two-week European odyssey with Claude, when my feet were covered in blisters and I had lost ten pounds due to our forced marches, and my second trip gave me an appreciation for what it would feel like to be dying of consumption there), and the south of France, I could quite easily stay two months -- or possibly expand and add more of Italy as well. Decisions, decisions, all of which will be determined by what's going on with my books and whether I can con anyone into going to some of these places with me.

I've now stayed up far longer than I intended. I made it to the big boss's staff meeting on time, where I delivered the slides that I made last night. It went well, and the big boss said that she dreamed last night that she and I were getting an apartment together -- so I think she's not looking forward to letting me go. Then, I slogged excessively all day, with a great lunch break to talk to two women who are starting to write fiction and wanted to hear how I got into it. As soon as I was done with my 1:1 with the big boss, I stole a sandwich from the cafe, swung by Philz to get some fortifying coffee, and went to Stanford for my magazine writing class. It was quite good; we each had to interview someone else in the class, which showed me that I'm reasonably good at making conversation and asking follow-ups, but my interviews have been tainted by doing hiring interviews -- I was asking questions that would give me insight into the girl's thought process, and didn't even think to ask questions like whether she wanted to have kids (since such questions are frowned upon/illegal due to possibility of discrimination). So, I'll have to get better at interviewing, but the exercise was fun.

Now, though, I must go to bed; no writing happened tonight, but I'll do some tomorrow if it kills me. Goodnight!

Daily word count: 0 (0% of goal)
Productive time: -
RescueTime productivity rating: - (global average: 0.84)

one day you're in...the next day, you're out

So, dear readers, the time has come to announce something that I've been keeping closer to the vest for the past month: I've resigned my position with my current employer and am going to spend the next couple of years writing full-time. I'm finally divulging it on the blog because today marked an important milestone: we filed my resignation officially in the system, and my last day will be October 15. That's three weeks from tomorrow, for those of you keeping score, and is going to come extremely fast; when I originally resigned in August, I told the big boss I would stay until we found my replacement, but since we're looking externally and the hiring process can easily take six to nine months, I decided that I didn't want to drag it out that long. She was her usual v. good self about it, letting me leave on the date requested without making any arguments, although she did say she didn't know what they would do without me, etc.

This is all crazy and wonderful and terrifying. When I left work to go to class yesterday, I was both elated and scared, and the adrenaline was definitely flowing. I've been with this company for seven years, and it's the only full-time job I've ever had. I love my coworkers (well, most of them), believe in our mission, and think that the company will do some amazing things in the years and decades ahead. And it was a v. tough decision; I was flipping through the exit survey I have to take, and I realized that a lot of the questions don't really apply to me. I'm not leaving because I'm dissatisfied (even if I was sometimes bored or stressed), and the big boss is amazing to work with, which is probably why I stayed as long as I did.

Instead, I'm leaving because I've been feeling for a long time that the more time I spend focused on a corporate career, the less time I have to pursue my real dreams and try to turn them into reality. The company I work for is amazing, but it's not my dream -- and it's time to spend my energies on my own projects.

I'm staying in California while I do this (unless I decide to travel for awhile next year, but we'll see) because I realized when I took my sabbatical that writing is already isolating enough without the added problem of doing it someplace with a v. limited social circle. My savings would go much farther in a cheaper place, but I would also end up massively depressed, which would sort of defeat the purpose of taking some time to focus on my passions. So, those of you who are in California should be prepared for me to make lunch/dinner/movie plans more often, if only so I get out of the house and don't go crazy.

Obviously that's the biggest thing going on right now; everything else is just noise. I slogged all day today, since I have a ton of work to get done before I leave, and had lunch with John (I will miss working someplace where I can say 'meet me at the dinosaur in five minutes' and then meet up with someone at a life-sized skeletal replica of a t-rex). I left around six-thirty, came home, made dinner because I was ravenous, and then called my mother. I accidentally fell asleep and then spent a couple of hours taking care of a variety of tasks after I woke up, so I didn't do any writing tonight. Since I don't have any plans this weekend, there will be time enough for writing later -- for now, I'm going to do one last thing for the soon-to-be-dead day job, and then go to sleep. Goodnight!

Daily word count: - (0% of goal)
Productive time: 0hrs
RescueTime productivity rating: -- (global average: 0.88)