i want a girl with lips like morphine

Plans for my birthday party are shaping up beautifully; which reminds me - if I forgot to invite you, let me know and I'll send you my new address. It's Sunday afternoon, which leaves me a few days to put the last stuff in order, go grocery shopping, and embark on a massive kick of baking, boiling, and frying in an effort to turn out all of the classic foodstuffs of my lost youth.

Actually, when I say that 'plans are shaping up beautifully', I mean 'the guestlist is shaping up beautifully'; and by 'beautifully' I mean 'into a horribly large mishmash of representatives from every era of my post-Iowa life'. That just makes it more exciting though. Will there be enough spinach artichoke dip? Will there be enough tasty beverages? Will people dance in my papasan until it falls apart? Will my college friends and my expat friends engage in a 'West Side Story'-style conflict, replete with murderous dancing and crazy antics? The answers to all of these questions will present themselves as the party unfolds on Sunday afternoon.

I still haven't finalized the menu; I'm trying to focus on things that can be prepared a bit in advance, since I hardly want to spend my birthday party cooking. For instance, I really want to make tenderloins because I *love* tenderloins and never get them here (Californians apparently no longer embrace the tenderloin, even if there is a district by that name in San Francisco). But, tenderloins require frying and are only half as good if they're cooked in advance--so if there are tenderloins, it requires me to mind a pan full of sizzling fat and pork, leading to the inevitable smell of grease permeating the house. Hmm. I could grill on the ol' George Foreman, but that's not very exciting. But, I feel that I need some meat products - perhaps pigs in a blanket? Or, ooooh, maidrites! My mother passed on the 'maidrites for a large group' recipe--I may have just struck on a winner. The other option is roast beef salad, but that would probably result in a mutiny of all hands, considering that it's ground-up roast beef, Miracle Whip, and sweet pickles. Luckily, I do have a jar of homemade sweet pickles (thanks sis!) in my fridge, so I can make all kinds of midwestern delicacies.

But, I will make corn casserole, and baked beans, and perhaps scalloped potatoes, and some kind of jello salad (Mom - if you read this, can you send me the recipe for the green jello salad with the marshmallows if you have it?), and deviled eggs, and spinach artichoke dip, and chocolate chip chewies, and a funfetti birthday cake! Since it's California I should have a salad, but no one really wants to eat salad anyway, and that hardly goes along with my birthday. Unless, of course, it's a salad made with either Miracle Whip or Jello.

Okay, I should go to bed rather than contemplate all of this--I have another seven a.m. call tomorrow. I'm really not made for this type of lifestyle; I'd much rather stay up all night and dream the day away.