give me something to break

Today was not a good day. I have a smashing headache, and I think I'm getting sick - I feel feverish and have a sore throat. Also, I went to dinner at a new place that serves barbecue, and it's unclear whether the water was safe since it was bottled but we don't know whether it was sealed, and so it's quite up in the air whether I will experience some lovely food poisoning tomorrow. Finally, I got back to my apartment and realized I don't have my phone, so unless it's in the backseat of the car I was in earlier tonight, it's probably gone for good. The loss of my crackberry is extremely upsetting - it's my alarm clock, my tether to humanity, and my closest friend, and now that it's gone, I find myself mourning its absence to a ridiculous degree.

The worst, though, is that I had a moment at work this afternoon where I was so angry that I could barely contain my rage - I don't lose my temper very often, but I nearly lost it in a v. spectacular manner this afternoon, and it took several hours for me to recover. In fact, I ended up calming down partially because I left the session I was in to go down to the cafe and get a mocha from the Coffee Day vendor, and partially because I occasionally tuned out of the discussion to focus on tearing a gum wrapper into incredibly small pieces. It also helped to remind myself that I'm going on leave and won't have to deal with the consequences of anything that happens here, which in and of itself helped to lend a lot of clarity to some of the thoughts I've had recently about what I intend to do in the next few months.

It did remind me, however, of the articles I've read about how if a woman shows anger in the workplace, she's seen as a bitch and is rated as less effective than any other type of employee, even below the woman who cries at the office. Today was definitely one of those days when I wasn't particularly effective because I wasn't able to behave in a fully rational manner...but sometimes rationality is overrated, and sometimes you just want to break stuff, and I was still able to hold it together. I also got a break because I went out for dinner with Shadie and Joel, both of whom happened to be in Hyderabad today, and neither of whom have anything to do with today's debacle. Joel was my first full-time manager here, and it was great to see him - one of the last times I saw him was for five minutes in the Frankfurt airport in April, so it was nice to have dinner with him, even if it's going to give me typhoid.

Okay, I'm going to go to bed - hopefully I'll get lots of rest and then wake up on my own, since I don't have my alarm clock/best friend to shake me out of my slumber. Luckily the incessant noise in India will probably do the trick. Now, though, it's time for bed!