I only have two goals in life: to become a successful novelist, and to see Craig Ferguson. Tonight, I accomplished the second goal. It's so huge to accomplish half of your life's ambition that I think I can take a break from the novelist thing for another decade at least.
I'm just kidding about stopping the writing thing, but I'm not kidding about Craig. He was playing for one night only at the Hoyt Sherman Theatre in Des Moines. I convinced my parents and brother to go to the show, and I'm quite happy that we did. One of Craig's writers tours with him as the opener, and he was v. funny -- the part that got the most laughs from the audience was when he ripped on the hotel they were staying in, since he was v. harsh. And then Craig came out and did an hour and a half of pure comedy. He covered a lot of topics in that hour and a half, such as growing up in Scotland (where 'damp was a color'), trying to get high off of chloroform, coming to America to be an actor, and the wonders of the birthing process. He also made fun of a San Francisco hotel that I've actually been to (the Clift, where my friend Irish Matt typically stays when he comes to SF), because it's one of those trendy places with the really dark purple lobbies where all of the staff is too good-looking to be bothered with helping you.
But the happiest moment for me was the five minutes he spent discussing Sean Connery, particularly since I can verify that Sean Connery did indeed deliver milk as a boy (Craig said that he and Sean Connery had both delivered milk, and so Craig thought that 'actor' was the next logical step for his own career). I'm quite surprised that Sean Connery is still alive -- rest assured, former Loro residents, that I will plan a fabulous wake for him when he is gone.
Anyway, Craig was hilarious. I suggest that you TiVo him sometime -- his facial expressions alone are a good bit of entertainment, let alone the happiness that ensues when you realize that you're watching someone who is more likely to make a joke about J. Edgar Hoover than about Britney Spears. Okay, maybe that's not a selling point to some of you, but it is to me!
The only other thing I did of interest today was take a few pairs of pants to a woman so that she could shorten them. Her name is Melvina, which is rather unusual; it's also unusual to know someone who makes her living as an independent seamstress, but I'm glad that she does, since unless I buy pants that are intended to be capris on 'normal' women, I have to get things shortened. She was babysitting two of her great-grandsons, one of whom is the child of a girl who graduated in my class. Based on the age of the kid, my classmate had him around the same time that I came perilously close to contracting a lip fungus from kissing a water buffalo in India. Since I still loathe the idea of commitment, I would definitely take the water buffalo over a toddler any day of the week.
Now it's time for bed; my brother's home for the weekend, which means Sunday dinner, which means I can't laze around all day tomorrow. Goodnight!
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