all my tears have been used up

I'm far too tired to blog; I had hoped to relax when I got home, after doing one wee tiny thing that should have only taken ten minutes...and instead I spent the last two hours working on day job stuff, which means I'm either going to have to sacrifice sleep or writing time in the morning. I got up early this morning and made it into the office by 8:30ish, giving myself enough time to dry my hair there and eat breakfast before my meetings began. So I slogged from nine until six, then adjourned to a coffee shop to write for an hour while waiting for the commute to die down. I succeeded in writing four pages of Thorington's story, and then I sped home, ate some leftover chili, and slogged on day job stuff for another couple of hours.

And now that I've committed this unsustainable schedule to the blog for posterity, I'm going to go to bed so that I can do it all again tomorrow - goodnight!

i know how it looks but all that glitters ain't gold

Today was quite all right, if you like being a hermit. I slept later than planned but just as much as needed, messed around on the internet for awhile, and then ate some breakfast and walked over to Fort Mason to work for a couple of hours. I got six pages of Thorington's book - not an epic output, but I like what I wrote and I'm slowly getting back into the story proper, so I'll take it. Then I came home, took a shower, and was going to go to the park, but it was cold and turning dreary, so I canceled and ate a late lunch instead. Then I bought groceries, came home, talked to the parents, played on the internet, made chili for supper, and talked to Terry.

Now, though, I must sleep; I'm determined to be less angry this week than I was last week, which may be an exercise in complete futility. But I think it will help if I disengage a bit and stay true to my plan of working from home a couple of days this week and doing some writing in the mornings - so if I don't say that I worked from home and wrote in the morning a couple of days this week, please shoot me. Goodnight!

the time has come to push the button

I'm working my way into a much better place with Callie and Thorington, and I even took some time to relax today, so that's all v. surprising. I woke up at some relatively early (for me) hour, had brunch, came home, did some bookkeeping and housekeeping stuff, and then wasted time and messed around on the internet for longer than I had intended. I also wrote in my journal, so that's something, but I was having trouble focusing at home. So I walked over to Rapha, where I drank an iced latte and contemplated Callie and Thorington for quite some time. It was still slow going, so I adjourned to Des Amis, where a couple of glasses of wine and some delightful conversation with all the people I now know there helped to lubricate the words. So I wrote 5-7 pages of background stuff about Callie's family, and I think I may have finally figured out what I needed to figure out in order to move the story forward more satisfactorily.

The Puritanical part of me tried to force myself to come home and answer email or do business stuff or try to write, but the part of me that is attempting to be sane instead put on my nightgown and crawled into bed with a historical mystery novel. SHOCKING, I KNOW. Even more shocking, the part of me that is trying to be sane put it down at the start of chapter ten, rather than letting me stay up until one a.m. to finish it and thus wrecking myself for the morning. I may not be very good at this relaxing business, but when I try I occasionally succeed. And now I'm going to go to bed and pray that I can write an actual scene of the book tomorrow - wish me luck. Goodnight!

oats in the water

I am inexpressibly glad to not have to go to work for the next two days...until I remember that I need to write a book this weekend, which doesn't make for particularly relaxing contemplation. Today was productive, if nothing else; I only had two meetings, which meant I was able to get through the 400+ emails that had been lingering in my inbox for days (er, weeks). And I met up for a chat with the big boss (remember her?), since we hadn't caught up in a year or so and I was feeling long overdue for some catch-up. She was in fine form, and I left feeling happy even if it made me miss working for her all over again.

After that, I abandoned the office, picked up John, and took him back to the city as a carpool buddy/involuntarily sounding board for all of my woes. Then I got my bangs trimmed and my brows waxed. And then I came home, laid in bed for awhile because I was burned out on talking, and then had sushi with Terry, during which we discussed a wide variety of tings and may have fixed Thorington's plot. And now I must go to bed - goodnight!

give me something to break

[editor's note: this was supposed to publish last night, but for some reason it didn't] Today was a long day, but it wasn't nearly as infuriating as yesterday, so I suppose that's something. I had hoped that yesterday would be a red-letter day - I was feeling v. relaxed after a couple of days of sedation/lying around in bed, and I hadn't read any work email or thought of anything particularly stressful. Instead, something chipped my windshield on the way to work, it rained the whole way and traffic was bad, I didn't final in the RITA awards, and my team unleashed two massive firedrills on me as soon as I walked in the door. And I had to stick around and have dinner last night, which meant I didn't get home until ten p.m., which only gave me eight hours before I had to turn around and do it all over again.

But today was better and brighter, and I ended it at Fiesta del Mar, so that's always lovely. And then I came home and worked for an hour and a half, which was unfortunate. But now I'm going to try to get eightish hours of sleep so that I can be more on top of my game tomorrow - goodnight!

the day the music died

No blog tonight - I had a brutal return to work, followed by a team dinner, followed by driving people home, so I'm totally wiped out on talking. Goodnight!

mrs. potter's lullaby

I was so good and rested so much today - and then I torpedoed it all by deciding to work on my taxes for the last four hours. Oops. But I'm done, and I have a new bookkeeping system set up so that it isn't so painful going forward and so that I can more accurately track my profits and project expenditures (and remind myself that the vast majority of what I spend on promo is a waste). And I painted my fingernails and toenails, so that's something. And my throat isn't hurting very much, and I don't seem to have any internal or external bleeding, so I think I'm cleared to go back to work tomorrow.

The rest of my day was mostly spent in quiet reflection. This was precipitated by the fact that I had to get blood work this morning, so I slept late to help avoid the intolerable hunger of fasting until 10:30am. I took a taxi to the lab since I wasn't sure I should drive yet and got the bloodwork done (I felt massive trepidation when the phlebotomist introduced herself as a student, but she's graduating on Friday and got a vein on the first try, so even though she had to take six vials it wasn't as bad as yesterday). Then I had a late breakfast nearby, which proved to be v. tasty. Then, in some false economizing, I took the bus home to make up for my uber over there. Then I laid in bed all afternoon and napped/dozed/messed around on the internet. But by six I was totally stir crazy and my Puritanical roots were berating me - so I worked tonight, and I'm getting up early to go into the office and get some stuff done tomorrow.

But hopefully my gluten odyssey is over, and may I never succumb to that siren's evil allure again. Goodnight!

dance to the beat that we like best

You will (hopefully) be happy to hear that I survived my endoscopy today without complications. The only unfortunate factor was that they had to try three times to get an IV going, which was a more annoying process than anything they did while shoving a tube down my throat (but then, I was asleep while they did that, so maybe that was annoying too and they just didn't tell me). But it was all relatively straightforward. And now I never have to eat gluten again, which is v. exciting. They didn't seem to find immediate indications of celiac disease, but they took a tissue sample to test for it, so I'll find out in a couple of weeks exactly what's going on.

So anyway, I woke up pretty quickly, joked around with the attendant, and was released into Terry's tender care. I briefly considered throwing up on her, but I was able to hold it in despite the combination of anesthetic and carsickness (and anyway I probably would have failed in my mission since my stomach was empty). I spent the rest of the day recovering at home - you'll be proud to note that I didn't do any work for the day job, nor did I do any writing, and instead I dozed, napped, read, watched tv, and ate ice cream and takeout.

And now I must go to bed; I'm staying home tomorrow to finish recovering, and I have high hopes that I'll get a million hours of sleep and generally start feeling better as soon as I start coming out of my gluten coma. Goodnight!

they tried to make me go to rehab

Today was lovely, and might have even counted as a day off had I not spent several hours inputting receipts into Quickbooks so that I can send my tax info to my CPA. Yes, I realize that means it wasn't a day off at all. But I didn't write or do anything for the day job, and I watched basketball all day, so I'm going to count it.

I slept in this morning, then took a quick shower, went down the street to get a sandwich, and watched the second half of the Stanford/Kansas game, which was OMG amazing. Terry and I even opened a bottle of champagne after to celebrate. Then I talked to my mom, watched some more basketball, and talked to my dad before the Iowa State/North Carolina game. I couldn't handle watching it all without any distraction at all, so I worked on my taxes from two to seven while watching basketball (and having more champagne when ISU pulled it out).

But by seven I was desperate for a break, so I conned Terry into going to my favorite French place, where we hung out with my favorite manager dude (who has instructed them all to open my favorite bottle of wine whenever I want it by the glass even though it's no longer on the by-the-glass menu). And they gave us steak tartare, which Terry wasn't able to take advantage of, so I ate it for her. And Terry somehow got Todd to try to convince me to do a Soulcycle class with them, which sounds like a horrible idea, but we shall see.

And now, alas, I must sleep; I'm going to get up at 4:45ish to have a snack and some water before going back to sleep for awhile, since I can't eat anything for six hours before this endoscopy thing at noon. Boo. Needless to say, I'm taking tomorrow off; it's a sign of how stupid and crazy I am that I'm almost looking forward to this as a day off, when in reality I must be forcibly sedated in order to take a break. Stupid. And on that note, it's time for bed!

everybody wants a thrill

I continue to slip deeper into my gluten coma, but I managed to eke out a decently fun/productive day, so yay for that. I woke up earlier than I wanted to after sleeping less well than I had hoped, and I threw on some pants and met Kathia at Rapha for a writing date. I have so much to do for Thorington that I can't even contemplate it - and so I mostly spent the time there not contemplating it, which, as you can imagine, is not particularly good for productivity. Terry met us there as well, and so we all worked for a bit. But Kathia had to leave, and then I threw in the towel, and Terry wasn't going to leave me to wallow in my own despair. So we went out for brunch and caught up, which was v. lovely and overdue.

And then I came home, thought about writing, and instead spent the afternoon reorganizing my room, talking to my mom, [censored] to [censored], and doing some financial tracking stuff. I would have happily entered expenses all night, but instead I took a nap (see: gluten coma), took a shower, and picked up Adit so that we could go to the glorious south bay for Peder (aka Timmy Timer's) birthday party. It turned out to be totally delicious; we went to Terun, which is a relatively new establishment on California Ave, and the food was pretty much perfect (even if I ate veal ravioli to get my gluten count up for the day). The company was lovely as well, although I didn't get as lubricated as some of them did since I was driving. But eventually they adjourned to the Nuthouse, which Adit and I weren't interested in, so we came back to the evil city, where I'm sure he's making plans to go out to all the many parties he's been invited to. But I find it more appealing to curl up in bed and hope that my sleep lasts until it's all better. Goodnight!

honeymoon in beirut

Today was another long day with a brutal start, but it ended on a high note. I had to be in the office by 8:30 for this presentation thing, so I left home at seven just in case, and made it there without incident (other than almost dying in a car accident, but I swerved in time). Perhaps that adrenaline rush was just what I needed to get through the preso, which went much better than I expected (but as well as I deserved after this week of pain). After that, I had some more meetings, sent some more emails, got a latte, ate a salad, and peaced out around 1:30 to come back to the evil city before the even more evil traffic thwarted me. Then I worked a bit more before getting a facial, which was v. necessary for both my gluten-inflamed skin and for my general relaxing and well-being.

Post-facial, I came home, messed around on the internet, and took a nap. Then, I rallied against my better judgment and had dinner at the Presidio Social Club with Lauren (aka Subz), Nathan, Kathia, Jerry, Terry, and Sumir. It turned out to be a v. entertaining and lively group, and I think that Subz and Kathia could be dangerous together (especially for my liver, provided that I am still allowed to drink alcohol after whatever the doctor finds with the endoscopy on Monday). We discussed many and varied things, including a lot of words beginning with 'pin', and a great time was had by all.

Sadly, though, I must go to sleep and hope that the memory of the last nine hours of relaxing is enough to sustain me through the weekend, since I have to write all day tomorrow. Goodnight!

all of the lights

Today was almost worse than yesterday, but I got to spend the last four hours of it sitting on my own couch, so at least that was a victory. I got up in a daze, drove down to train with Alyssa, and discovered that I had forgotten my gym bag for the first time ever, so I couldn't shower or change into real clothes after my workout. So, rocking a sporty (aka sweaty) look, I went to the office and slogged viciously and brutally until fourish. Luckily I got to take a break to have In-and-Out to celebrate one of my teammates becoming an American citizen, and sitting in the sun outside of In-and-Out was exactly what I needed at that moment (other than tequila, which is what I really needed).

But my boss and I were both totally done (mentally, not actually) at four, so I left and spent almost two hours driving home (boo). Then I ordered a pizza and cranked through three hours of work for the day job. Then I spent my 'break' taking out my contacts, prepping my tea for tomorrow, and painting my nails. And now I must sleep; the presentation I've been working on is at 8:30am tomorrow, and I'll be v. glad when it's over so I can move on with my life. Goodnight!

we used to play outside when we were young

I had a pretty miserable day at work on top of what's been a miserable week at work, and now I'm only going to get seven hours of sleep when my gluten belly really needs nine. So, you're getting this blog so you know I'm alive...but that's all you're getting until tomorrow, when I hope that I will be in a better and more loquacious mood. Goodnight!

not giving in

Today was lovely, albeit too busy, and I must go to bed immediately if I'm going to recover in time for tomorrow. I spent altogether too long on the shuttle this morning, spent an hour putting out fires at the office, and then trained with Alyssa, who caused a much smaller bruise on my wrist than the last time we tried kettlebell cleans, so I guess I'm improving. Then I rushed through my shower and hied my wet hair over to lunch with Chandlord and John, which was totally delightful. It's so odd that we all work at the same place, and even odder that the place's amenities keep improving. So we had a delicious lunch at a new cafe, followed by lattes and macchiatos at a new coffee bar, followed by altogether unnecessary juice at the juice bar. But we had to return to work, which is the downside of hanging out at work, and so we parted ways and I returned to putting out fires the rest of the afternoon.

But I left at 5:40 to go home, and spent another annoying amount of time driving back to the city. Then I went to my favorite French place and worked on my taxes for two hours, since I'm seeing my CPA tomorrow. And now I am desperate for sleep - the end of this gluten binge can't come fast enough. Goodnight!

salaam namaste

I continue to be totally felled by this gluten thing, but I've only got to survive another week-ish before I can move on with my life, so I think I'll make it. Today was somewhat an exercise in frustration; I went to Mountain View almost entirely for a meeting that was later canceled, and the main project I'm working on currently brings me no joy. But I like the people I work with, which I realize is better than what most people can say about their jobs, so at least there's that. And I took a break in the afternoon to walk to a nearby coffee bar and get a free latte, which is also more than most people can say about their jobs, so that was good too.

After my last meeting, I peaced out, took the shuttle back to the evil city, and sat at Nectar for an hour and a half nursing a glass of wine and quietly freaking out about Thorington. I'm stuck until I hear back from my editor, which should be any day now, and yet I don't want to completely abandon the story while waiting for her because I know from bitter past experience that it's very hard to get back into it once I've taken a break. So I messed around for awhile, and then Kathia showed up and told me to work on the next book, which was actually a helpful suggestion. But I parted ways with her and the story half an hour later so that I could have dinner with Lauren (aka Subz) and Terry. It was v. lovely to see them both, even if Alyssa won't be happy when she sees pictures of the two margaritas I had after my glass of wine -- oops.

But now I'm desperate for sleep - this is the latest I've stayed up in awhile, and I need to get myself together and go south in the morning, so wish me luck. Goodnight!

clap along if you feel like a room without a roof

I took today off. Shocking, I know. Since I didn't set my alarm and my body seems to be slowly succumbing to gluten coma, I slept for ten hours, which I suppose must have been necessary even though it felt totally ridiculous. Then I lazed about in bed, made some eggs to go with my reheated steak/fries from the other night at Des Amis, and enjoyed my perfectly all-American breakfast.

I spent the afternoon in a similarly lazy state of mind; I did a couple of quick email-related things, then walked down to the grocery store to get some tings to eat for the coming week. I called my parents earlier than usual so that I could avoid Selection Sunday, but since my dad answered first, it threw off the timings, and so my mother was forced to talk to me while watching the brackets get filled out. The Cyclones seemed to have done well, though, so hopefully the do okay in the tournament.

After talking to the parents, Terry and I made daiquiris and sat on the roof for awhile, which was perfectly lovely - it was just a little windier than I would have liked, but that kept me from roasting alive, so I suppose it was a good thing. The fog kept trying to encroach but never quite made it, so it was a v. relaxing couple of hours. Then I did about half an hour of tax-related stuff before going over to My Tofu House for family dinner with Adit, Priyanka, Katrina, Chandlord, and Sumeet (not an OG member of the family but Adit seems to have adopted him). Since the wind had picked up the line was crazy long and it took over an hour to be seated, but we managed to stay entertaining while waiting. Then we discussed all manner of things over dinner, and many good jhokes were made. And I felt Adit's teeth, so that was a highlight.

But now I desperately need to sleep; I was supposed to get up and go down early, but given my general state of exhaustion I'm now going to sleep later, take my first two meetings from home, and go down at ten. This seems like a better, albeit lazier, plan. Goodnight!

all of the lights

Thorington and I are not friends right now.

That would probably suffice as a blog post, actually, since it tells you all you need to know about my day without getting into the mundanities of it. I wasn't feeling well and continue to need way too much sleep, so I slept until 8:30 or so, messed around online, and went out to grab food. I was going to write somewhere outside the house, but I took one look at Union Street and all the young things dressed in green and getting drunk for St Patrick's Day, and it made me wish that I had brought my Ides of March-style knife rage out to kill them all. But since I don't want to go to prison for killing bros (or for anything else, for that matter), I decided to retreat to my room and contemplate Thorington in solitude rather than in the midst of a massive pub crawl.

But Thorington was not cooperating, nor was my brain excited by the tasks at hand, so I did some desultory bookkeeping-type stuff and kept procrastinating. I left the house once to mail some stuff and buy flowers, and then I left another time to buy a croissant for my daily gluten intake, and both times made me feel temporarily better but didn't get me totally back in the game. Finally, I met Kathia at Nectar, where we commiserated over how much pain we're both in, and I was able to write up what I needed to write up to send to my editor tonight.

She left around 7:30, and then I worked until Terry showed up at 8:15 for my 'vacation' (which is a v. sad, v. sobering way of saying I took two hours off-off today) (and the fact that I call it 'off-off' instead of 'off', as though I need to designate when I'm really not working vs. when I'm pretending to not be working, is probably worrisome). So I had another glass of wine with her and we caught up on all the usual subjects after several days of not really seeing each other. Then we came home, I did a bit of work to clean up what I needed to send to my editor, and I got it off to her a few minutes ago. That means I can sleep as much as I want tonight without feeling guilty, and I think I'll do some non-writing in the morning (probably bookkeeping, since I'm seeing my CPA next week, but as that doesn't require writing new scenes, I think it's practically like relaxing) before considering Thorington again in the afternoon. Goodnight!

in the daylight we'll be on our own

My Puritanical instincts are telling me to stay up all night and keep working, but my stomach and my gluten fatigue are telling me to go to bed. Today was far more tiring than I had expected it to be, but Alyssa thinks that eating gluten again when I haven't had much of it in almost two years and clearly have a lot of difficulty processing it is making me way more tired than I should be. The theory makes sense; I've gotten almost nine hours of sleep every night for the past three nights and I still required a nap tonight before I could get down to business.

Anyway, I went to work this morning in my gym clothes and slogged from 8:30 to noon without pause. Then I sped over to the gym to train with Alyssa, who made me do more kettlebell swings than my arms were in the mood for. Then I returned to work, sans showering, and inflicted my stinky self on the coworkers who had scheduled meetings in such a way that prevented me from taking a break and showering. I finally got out of there sometime around four, which was later than I had hoped, and so I sat in traffic until I reached my home at 5:30.

And then I took a nap, laid around for a bit, took a long-overdue shower, and schlepped myself over to my favorite french place, where I had a steak and a glass of wine that didn't have the restorative power to overcome the two slices of bread I forced myself to eat with it. They are no longer serving my favorite wine by the glass, but since the manager, the sommelier, and two waiters apologized to me for taking it off the menu, I suppose I shall forgive them rather than filing a lawsuit. I should probably add that the apologies were completely unprompted - I think they like me and don't find me particularly frightening, although since I often come in looking half-crazed, perhaps they're more frightened of me than they let on (but I somehow doubt it).

Anyway, I got some work done there, came home, was going to work some more, and then realized I would be better served by sleeping for nine hours and considering Thorington in the morning. So I sent the first half of Thorington to my editor and will finish making notes on what I'm doing on the second half tomorrow - which means I should stop dallying here and go to bed. Goodnight!

jealous of the rhyme and the rhyme routine

Today was a v. long day. I had jury duty for the second day, and while I was thankfully not called to serve, I spent more time than I had expected to spend sitting there listening to jury selection. I'm glad I participated, since I got some v. interesting glimpses of human nature (including my own), but since I never got called up and so spent the entire time sitting in the back listening to tales of woe/obvious lies/claims of not understanding English, there were moments when I was a bit bored. But my faith in humanity was also reinforced by the fact that everyone from yesterday showed up again today, and no one seemed truly horrendous (with the exception of a couple of people who seemed to lie about their ability to be impartial just to get out of it).

But I was finally released at a point when it would be pointless to go to Mountain View. So I got my boots shined in the lobby of the courthouse, retrieved my car from the lot (where the lot attendant flirted with me for a second day and was sad to hear I'd been dismissed), came home, contemplated work, and instead took the rare opportunity for a gorgeous sunny day and met up with Kathia to write. Yes, I know that sitting in a darkened room writing isn't taking advantage of the sunlight. But over the course of the late afternoon/evening, I wrote twelve pages, so that was awesome. Then I met Priyanka and Ariel for burgers at Roam, where I ate a bun for the first time in ever and discovered that it's tastier than I would have liked to have known about.

And now I am desperate for sleep; I've learned that I can write 2000 words (8-10 pages) in a day without much problem, but when I extend it to 3000 words or more it melts my brain. So, I must sleep if I've any hope of getting my brain to congeal again before work tomorrow. Goodnight!

grand tour

Today was an unusual day, and nothing that I expected it to be. I had jury duty, which I had expected to get out of relatively quickly from what I'd heard from other people. Instead, I sat in a courtroom for seven hours, and they haven't finished selecting the jury for the trial that I got called up for, so I have to go back tomorrow. Sigh.

But I had a decent lunch during the break at a restaurant somewhere in the up and coming SOMA district, and I was home by five. And then I blew off work work and went to La Boulange, where I got my gluten quota in by eating an almond croissant. And then I met Kathia at Nectar, where I wrote ten pages and was v. diligent in making the story happen. Then I came home, stopping along the way to buy some chicken and green beans from the deli, which I ate while watching Rick Steves be interesting and unstylish in England. And now I must go to bed so that I can do this again tomorrow - goodnight!