Saturday, December 24, 2005

i hear the voices in my head, i swear to god it sounds like they're snoring...well if you're bored then you're boring

I just found out that Harvey Danger released a new album; not only did they release a 2-in-1 album that includes an entire second bonus CD, they also released a completely free version of the main CD on their website. If I were in California with my blazingly-fast cable internet connection (or my almost-speed-of-light internet connection at work), I would be tempted to download it right now; sadly, I will have to wait, since I don't have the patience for my parents' still-respectable DSL. Actually, I don't have a problem with the DSL and would be happy to do it, but that would require dragging out my laptop (and finally facing the music, so to speak, and discovering whether I destroyed it when I dropped it as I was packing on Wednesday) and finding my headphones, and I don't care *that* much about Harvey Danger. But, I loved 'Flagpole Sitta', as did everyone in my immediate family (actually, my mother's feelings about that song aren't entirely clear, but my father's enthusiasm makes up for it), so I think the album will be worth a try at a later date. Perhaps this can make up for the ignomious end of Eve 6, who churned out such classics as 'Open Road Song', 'Inside Out', and 'Think Twice' (which Walter ruined for me by positing that it was about a guy whose dirty girlfriend gave him an STD), before playing to a bored, unenthused group of Stanford students at a campus event on Wilbur Field and disappearing into oblivion. In case you couldn't follow those parenthetical comments, it was Eve 6 that disappeared into oblivion, not Walter. Of course, Pittsburgh is about as close as mortals are supposed to get to oblivion, so I guess that statement could apply equally to either the former rock band or my former roommate.

I arrived safely in Iowa yesterday afternoon. I was quite excited to get back to the land of pragmatic carnivores, especially since I was standing in the San Francisco airport at six a.m., waiting to board my flight, and I noticed the most horrifying thing *ever* in the carry-on of the woman standing in front of me. She, like me, had packed a light lunch for her trip. My light lunch was a turkey sandwich, which I threw away without eating because my parents took me out for lunch when I got to Des Moines (and at the restaurant, amusingly enough, I had a turkey sandwich). Her light lunch was clearly purchased at some relatively-upscale health store, and was labelled 'Tofetti Eggless Egg Salad'. Ewwwww!!!! I'm fine with vegetarians, despite my occasional ranting--but who on earth would think that 'eggless egg salad' is a good idea?! It's an unAmerican abomination, that's what it is. If you don't want to eat eggs, that's fine--cutting eggs out of your diet can improve your cholesterol, for instance, and if we all ate fewer eggs, we'd give more eggs a chance to grow up to become exploited chickens in giant corporate farms before turning magically into amazing barbecued foodstuffs. Mmm. But if you don't want to eat eggs, you should at least realize that you can't mimic the taste of egg salad with some shredded tofu and a bunch of mayonnaise. Also, the mayonnaise would clearly have to be fake as well, since mayo is made with eggs. Essentially, eggless egg salad is just a bunch of tofu and Miracle Whip--but since vegan yuppies are too good for Miracle Whip, I can't fathom what they must be using instead. All I can say is, that's completely and utterly disgusting. If vegans are willing to eat that, it makes sense why they get all upset when I'm eating a delicious prime rib--they must be so sad that I get to eat the real thing while they have to cover tofu in random sauces and pretend that it's a meal fit for human consumption.

Today, I finished wrapping the Christmas presents that I brought home with me, got caught up on 'As the World Turns' and 'Guiding Light' (my two favorite soaps from summer vacations past), ate a leisurely peanut-butter-sandwich-lunch with my mother, and went for a drive with my father. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and my sister and her kids are coming over; that means that I should have been in bed awhile ago, since I'll have to get up relatively early and shower before they arrive. And in approximately thirty hours, it's Christmas morning! I may not be a child anymore, and I may grumble when I get rolled out of bed to open presents at eight a.m., but I'm still excited about it anyway. Merry Christmas Eve, everyone!

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