you only know you love her when you let her go

Today was better than yesterday, if only because I gave into my instincts over my sense of duty and chose to work from home. I had no good reason to work from home, other than that I didn't feel like going into the office - but I also didn't feel like going into the office because I get very little done there, and since I only had an hour of meetings today, it was like a glorious opportunity to actually get some shit done if I could stay free of distractions. So I did the things that I needed to get done today, plus some other things, and I didn't have to stress about dogs or the commute or any other office-related stuff.

And that was all enough to kind of, half-heartedly, get myself back in the game. Or at least it was enough to stop freaking out long enough to send some emails. I put my laptop aside at five and walked to the grocery store to get some milk, and then walked to a florist to buy some flowers for my desk. Then I came home, arranged said flowers, and chilled on the couch until Lauren (aka Subz) came over for dinner. Neither Terry nor I felt like cooking, so we ordered Thai food and opened a bottle of wine, and it was all perfectly lovely.

However, ironically enough, we had previously agreed to have this dinner to discuss new year's resolutions, and the very last thing I wanted to think about tonight was goals and commitments and making decisions about what I'm going to accomplish. As it turns out, I think that the crux of my recent freak-out is that I'm thrilled with what I did last year...and yet I'm totally daunted and discouraged by the idea of girding my loins and doing it all again (and with even more intensity, since I want to write three books instead of 1.5, and take on more responsibility at work, and spend more time working out, and maybe go on dates a bit more often, and and and...). So the very idea of setting goals is making my head explode.

But the conversation was still great, and Subz and Terry obviously have some rather keen insights into my psyche at this point, so it was useful even if there are currently no quick answers. And now I must sleep if I'm going to make it to my session with Alyssa tomorrow - goodnight!