[disclaimer: if you work with me, just pretend that you didn't read the following commentary on my bonus, since it's rather indelicate to discuss bonus issues with coworkers--and if it turns out that my manager lied to me, please let me believe that she was telling the truth.]
Today I learned a valuable lesson about reacting without knowing all the facts about something. My quarterly review was tonight, and it was rather late for a review because it had to be done over conference call with my former manager in Hyderabad--Heather, who was really more friend than manager, so I'd been looking forward to talking to her all week. During the review, information about the quarterly bonus is revealed. For my position, your bonus is multiplied by how well you are performing; so, for instance, it's possible to get a double bonus if you're working extraordinarily hard. I'm used to getting high bonuses, especially the last three quarters, and I didn't think that this quarter would be any different.
Then, yesterday, I was poking around on the HR website to find some stuff about benefits, and I noticed that it listed all of my previous bonus payouts. For some reason, this quarter's bonus was listed even though I hadn't received my review or my payment yet. Using some reverse calculation (I could still kick ass at the math bee if given the opportunity), I realized that my expected bonus hadn't been multiplied at all--which is the first time since I started here two years ago that I haven't gotten a bonus multiplier. I was heartbroken. So I spent all last night and today wondering why my bonus was so low, and trying to figure out how I was going to explain my apparently bad performance when I couldn't think of anything that merited such a precipitous decline in my fortunes.
It turns out that all of this stress and dread was for naught--when I got on the call, I was told that since I got promoted last quarter, the promotion reset my expectation level--which means that the amount of work that I was doing last quarter is now expected of me all the time, and I'll have to work even harder to get a bonus multiplier in the future. This seems a little bit unfortunate, since I was already putting in crazy hours, but at least my performance last quarter was still strong. I would probably have been on the verge of quitting if I'd been told that everything I did last quarter was unsatisfactory, and so now I shall live to fight another day.
I saw Renee briefly this afternoon, which was nice--she's working across the street from me, but I barely see her because our schedules are so different. I also made a tasty Greek salad for dinner after my review. The shuddering sense of relief that I felt over the fact that my review went well made me want to indulge my inner adult, and so I had a glass of wine with my salad. I've felt a little less 'adult' since getting back from India; granted, I don't kiss as many water buffalo here, but I also don't drink as many grown-up cocktails and glasses of wine, and it's hard to take myself seriously when I'm drinking a cup of tea out of a plastic mug while watching 'The Daily Show' in my pajamas. Conversely, when I'm eating a well-prepared (if I do say so myself) salad and drinking a glass of Chardonnay while wearing a cute tweed skirt and sweater, it's easier to believe that I may someday be fashionable and mature.
Then again, maturity is highly overrated. So, we'll see how this dilemma resolves itself.
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