under the bridge

Today was mostly consumed by Rail Baron; I managed to drag myself out of bed before eleven and into some clothes before noon so that the four of us could settle in for an afternoon of play. Unfortunately, I had a series of bad destinations + low throws of the dice that resulted in me never really being in contention, and almost led to an early ousting from the game that forced me to sell one of my five measly railroads and limp around the board on my ridiculous network for the rest of the game. Michael won in around five hours, which made for a relatively short game, and I think we all had fun despite my despondency. I medicated by making myself two rather strong margaritas and a plate of nachos during the course of the afternoon, so was in a good mood by the end of it all despite getting thrashed during the game.

After the game was over, Mom made ham and beans and cornbread for supper (Katie, we thought of you!) with the leftover ham bone from Christmas dinner. I vetoed watching more "John Adams" tonight because I a) was bored with it last night and b) was in the mood to work on the plot for my next book, so we ended up watching a made-for-CBS movie starring Tom Selleck while I jotted down notes and brainstormed plot points. After the writing took its course for the night and my parents fell asleep, I repaired to the kitchen, where I started brainstorming my new year's resolutions and paid some bills while watching the news and an ancient episode of "CSI:NY".

I would like to be one of those people who just goes with the flow -- it sounds much more relaxing in theory. However, the last few months have proven to me (as though I needed any more proof) that I simply am happier/more grounded if I strive for consistency and productivity. All the excitement of the summer + the onslaught of changes at work threw me off-balance, but now is the time to reset and get back on track. I wouldn't say that I've been depressed, exactly, but I haven't been living up to my expectations for myself or what I believe I should be doing, and unfortunately I'm the only person who can fix that. At the same time, I need to be careful of going so far down the productivity path that I ignore my social life; I've tended to avoid making plans for the past few months because I felt guilty for not getting stuff done, but that's a pretty poor plan for my long-term happiness.

Anyway, I'm eager for 2009 to be over (as I think just about everyone else is), and I'm optimistic about 2010 even if I've no reason to be. And I will get back on track with my writing -- Madeleine and Ferguson are well-developed in my head now, so I think I can start writing in earnest. But for now, I should focus on the more immediate goal of going to sleep -- goodnight!