hard telling not knowing

The sole goal of this post is to let everyone know that I'm still alive -- but after an insanely early start to the day, a lot of emails/conference calls/general annoyances, and some fun afternoon activities followed by a tasty dinner, I'm too tired to go into any more detail. You will just have to check back tomorrow so that I can go to bed now! Sorry!

that was cool but now and then i heard a rumor

I'm too tired to be blogging right now, but blog I must or my parents will fear the worst. I had an overall very good day -- I went over to Chandlord's in the morning and got rid of a bunch of junk, before making it to work just in time to start my daily gauntlet of meetings. I'm feeling pretty good today about where things are with the conference I'm planning; I'm going to have a whole shitload (pardon my language, but it's the most accurate word for this issue) of work to do in the next three weeks to make sure we're ready, but progress is progressing. But, the head of the department promised that we would have a margarita after the conference is over and discuss my career, so hopefully it goes well so that the discussion is positive and not a "we're sorry we have to let you go" conversation. Then, I had a long dinner with my fellow managers + my boss and another manager visiting from Ann Arbor + our new director, who just happened to be in India when I was there several years ago and was also the head of the temp program when I started my job, so it's been fun to have him back.

It's driving me a bit crazy that all my stuff is still boxed up -- and boxed up it will likely remain, given how much stuff I have to do for work. I still took an hour when I got home to unpack and reorganize some stuff, but then I had to work from 10:30pm until now, and I'm way too exhausted to keep going with this or anything else. So, goodnight!

he said to only look up

Today was a total mixed bag. On the one hand, I was at work or dinner w/my boss for thirteen hours, and then came home and worked for two hours more. Also, Adit just informed me that I have to listen to "All the Way Up To Heaven" once a night while I live here, which is just a bit obnoxious. On the other hand, everything that I accomplished at work was good, I had a great time helping with production for a video I'm pulling together for the sales conference, and I had a quick impromptu lunch at my workplace with Adit, Priyanka, and John. So, things are going well -- if only I could get eight hours of sleep and awaken to find all my stuff magically unpacked. But, that won't happen, and so I should probably go to bed before I fall asleep on my laptop. Goodnight!

and go all the way back home

I've lived with Adit less than twelve hours, and he's already played "All the Way Up To Heaven" three times (until I turned off the speakers that he was playing it on). For those of you who don't know, that particular Guster song was the bane of my freshman year of college for reasons that I won't delve into now. There are advantages to living with someone you've known for ten years (scary that that's how long I've known him), but the disadvantages obviously are that they have a decade's worth of experience on how to push your buttons.

The move was long, slow and painful; I won't go into much detail about that. But, the movers did get my large glass-doored bookcase up two flights of stairs, so I'm pleased about that. Good thing, too -- if we had put it in storage, it wouldn't have fit, since the storage unit I rented is now packed absolutely full. I hope there's nothing in there that I will want this year, since the chances of finding it are slim to none.

I still have a couple of things to get from Vidya's, and obviously I have a ton of unpacking to do here, but the hardest part is over. It's just a shame that I'm so crushingly busy at work -- it's at the point where I might as well take breaks because I'm going to miss deadlines anyway. So I had dinner with Adit, Priyanka (who's in town for the week, and Anton and Amanda (Anton is Adit's former roommate) at this delicious Mayan place a few blocks away. It was nice to stop packing/unpacking/writing emails/failing for an hour, so I'm glad I went, even if it means that I will now only get seven hours of sleep tonight.

Okay, I promise my posts will get more interesting in a few days, but right now I desperately need to sleep if I'm going to survive tomorrow. Goodnight!

what it do, what it do

As you can see by the timestamp (1:33am), I'm up quite late, particularly given the sober, responsible early-riser lifestyle that I have grudgingly developed over the past year. I just finished packing -- that's not quite accurate, since I will need to return after I'm "done" with the move to throw away some stuff, clean, and do a couple of last loads of laundry. But for all intents and purposes, I'm done -- and the movers arrive in approximately six hours! Bleh.

Today wasn't all bad, though; in fact, it was quite good, despite the packing extravaganza. I was successful at work and appear to be pleasing the big boss with my conference-planning skillz, which is always important in these troubled times. Then, I left a bit early to have coffee with Tolu, Erin, Vickie, and Ziv -- Tolu and I go way back, of course, and the four of them were on the team that I adored but ultimately betrayed by abandoning to take my leave of absence. Ziv moved on with his life and went to law school last fall, but he's still in the area, and so we were able to enjoy his presence while we caught up, gossiped, etc.

I drove back to the evil city and spent some time packing, but eventually discovered that I was going to run out of boxes. I made a quick trip to Office Max to get another set of boxes, and then proceeded to Adit's to drop off some clothes. There, I made the critical triumph/error of staying for dinner -- it was great to see Priyanka, I enjoyed experiencing the lifestyle that I'm about to live, and the dinner was tasty despite being from a recipe by a Food Network chef whom I dislike. But, it did set me almost two hours behind on the packing -- worth it, I think, but we'll see whether I feel that way when the alarm goes off tomorrow.

That's all -- tonight is the last night in this apartment! And tomorrow, a new chapter begins...

getting ready for the showdown

I should probably either keep packing or do some work for the day job, but I'm going to go to bed instead. I made a lot of progress today and can sense the finish line of my move drawing near, but I'm going to have a lot to do tomorrow night if I want to be ready for the movers to show up on Tuesday morning. I think I just ran out of desire to pack anything else because the more I pack, the less available floor space I have in the apartment, and so losing the rest of it on my last night in the place won't be quite so bad as losing it now.

However, the unpleasant tasks (like cleaning my patio furniture and wrapping my big South African painting in bubblewrap) are taken care of. I'm also done with my kitchen, except for the foodstuffs -- really, all that's left are my clothes, shoes, makeup, the books I'm taking to Adit's, and my electronics. The problem is that what's left perfectly matches my obsessions, which explains why I'm still not done.

Anyway, this post is super boring because seriously all I did today was pack -- I took a brief break to get an iced latte, I talked to my parents, and I took another break later to get a chicken schwarma sandwich, but packing was really the only thing on my agenda. While I'm annoyed at myself that I have to pack so much crap, and while I will really miss the windows and the fabulous view, I'm glad that I'm switching neighborhoods -- some crazy dude scared the hell out of me when I went to get my sandwich, because I was waiting for the light to turn so that I could cross the street and he started yelling and slapping himself really hard behind me. While my new neighborhood will undoubtedly have crazies too (this is San Francisco, after all), I'm hopeful that they will be a different type of crazy.

That's all you get tonight -- I need to get up super early tomorrow so that I can make it to work and get prepped for the day, accomplish stuff, and then leave early in order to finish preparing for my move. I was thinking today that I should have just paid for my mom's airline ticket so that she could fly out here and pack for me, but I suppose that if I've moved this many times by myself (I think this is like my 21st move in the past 10 years, counting in and out of dorms, my moves overseas, etc.), I can handle another one. Goodnight!

it's time to make you sweat

The move is going reasonably well, although I still have a ton of stuff to pack and tomorrow is going to be brutal. I managed to pack ~20 boxes of stuff, take some clothes over to Adit's, and go to my new storage unit to sign the paperwork (and make entertaining conversation with zee German who works there). Unfortunately, I also managed to stab myself in the hand with a pair of scissors while I was flattening a box, and that's going to make things trickier since the cut reopens whenever I grip something with my left hand (the cut is right below the bottom knuckle of my left index finger). And, worse, when I moved some stuff in my closet I discovered that there must have been a minor leak at some point in my time here, which was enough to cause the books in my bottom boxes to rot and mold/mildew to grow in the carpet. Bad news bears -- luckily, the books were mostly old college textbooks, and there were only a couple that I wish I hadn't lost (although it's not like I'll want to read about Stalin's industrialization of Siberia, the history of Russian philosophy, or a biography of the head of WWII German intelligence ever again). Given that there were photos and things in some of the other boxes in the stack, I got lucky.

The packing is a bit more slow-going than it might have been because I decided to hire a junk removal service to come after I move on Tuesday, and so I'm sorting and repacking boxes that have sat in my closet or various storage facilities for years. I'm tired of moving stuff that I've known for years I have no need or desire for, and this is as good a time as any to do something about it. Of course, that doesn't save me from the fact that I have tons of stuff that is "useful" but that I don't really need -- and yet I don't want to give up any coffee mugs, even if I have forty of them, because you never know when you'll need them. But regardless, there are plenty of things that I want to get rid of, and I'm quite eager to do it even if it makes the packing more challenging than it might have been.

Okay, no more typing -- I really must go to bed so that I can get as close to finished as I possibly can tomorrow. Goodnight!

all we can do my love is hope we don't take this ship down

I'm embracing my hermitage and going to bed at ten p.m. on a Friday. This is mostly because I'm tired from the crazy few weeks I've had, anticipating a few more even crazier weeks, and completely unwilling to begin packing tonight. The packing absolutely positively must start tomorrow if I have any hope of being ready for Tuesday -- but for one last night, I want to pretend that I don't have to pack up all my worldly goods and haul them across town.

Work today was okay; I unfortunately still have a to-do list the length of my arm, but I said to hell with it all anyway and left around three to meet up with Vidius Chandicus for coffee in downtown Mountain View. It's quite lovely that she has returned to the area and my heart -- I was down a friend after Terry left, and Vidya has stepped in admirably to retake her rightful place in my friendship pantheon. She bought me a drink in honor of my recent Golden Heart success, and then we went to Target together so that I could pick up some cleaning-related items in preparation for my move. After we parted ways, I drove back to the evil city, sat in traffic for thirty minutes during the last four-mile approach to the city, and then took a nap. I ended the evening by eating takeout Chinese while watching Craig, and now I'm going to bed so that I can be super productive tomorrow. Wish me luck!

don't look back in anger

Once upon a time, I went on a leave of absence because I got so burned out from my job and realized that I would never write books if I didn't get control over my life and my workaholic tendencies. After much soul searching, much relaxation, and many Midwestern steak dinners, I returned to work almost exactly a year ago, vowing that I would be a calmer, more balanced person.

Tonight I stayed in the office until 10:30pm, so you can see how I'm feeling about my ability to meet this goal right now. Granted, I wasn't at the office straight from 9am to 10:30pm - for one, traffic sucked, and so it took an hour and twenty minutes to get to work and thus I was late for my first meeting. I also had a nice lunch with Adit (some people call him "the cat"), and we discussed all the excitement of our upcoming permanent family time. And, I had an appointment to get my hair cut, so I left around five to scurry over to Palo Alto to get it taken care of.

The problem, friends, was that I hadn't given any thought at all to what I wanted the woman to do with my hair. As it turns out, she did a great job (as I knew she would) -- but since I was annoyed, frustrated, hating the world, and feeling desperately in need of a change, I told her to cut it off. I ended up only cutting it back to shoulder length -- but this is still a far cry from when it was down nearly to my waist, and I hope that I won't regret it when my anger subsides.

Anyway, things are really really ridiculous hectic and annoying at work; I had to kick out my poor intern this afternoon because the head of my department called me from Argentina to give me more assignments for the conference I'm planning. Luckily I got a lot squared away tonight -- in fact, I would be feeling pretty good if I could just get over the teensy little problem that I AM MOVING IN FIVE DAYS AND HAVEN'T STARTED PACKING!!! Apologies for the e-yelling; I never do it, but this merits it.

That's all you get from me tonight -- I'm finally starting to crash, and I need to get up in six hours to make it back to the south bay. Goodnight!

that's me with a gun

This is a four-minute post. Instead of genuine written content today, you get a few photos from my Washington, D.C. trip (below) -- primarily shots taken at the World War II Memorial. As I've written before, I found that memorial to be extremely moving -- if you ever go to DC, it's a must-see.

Today was a decent day, although I didn't get nearly enough done. I spent most of it putting out fires (and I get called on to put out some weird ones -- my favorite one today was when someone didn't line up anyone to be in charge of setting up the room in my office for a global videoconference, and asked me one minute before it was supposed to start to make sure the A/V was working properly -- I got it working, but it was a touchy few minutes). But, I left the office at six and went to Philz to write for awhile. I'm attempting to rewrite the first chapter of my second book so that I can share it with my agent, and it's slow going -- I can write, edit and polish the middle/end pretty quickly, but it's a struggle to figure out exactly what belongs in the first chapter, what doesn't, and how the pacing/character development should progress. I'm definitely in a better place because I sat down to work on it, but much remains to be done and I need to get back to frantically taking care of day job stuff.

That's all you get from me tonight - it's time for bed!

washington d.c. pt. 2

 












Standing between the Iowa and California pillars at the World War II Memorial - I was originally standing closer to the Iowa pillar, but the light was better from the other direction, so please don't take this as a sign of my loyalties!

 
















The Minerva/Athena mosaic at the Library of Congress.

washington d.c. pt. 1

 












Looking over the center of the World War II Memorial towards the Lincoln Memorial; the Washington Memorial is behind me.

 












There are ~4000 gold stars on the wall, and each star represents 100 Americans who died in WWII.

 












The tower to the war in the Pacific -- Iowa and California are the two pillars immediately to the left of the tower.

 












The Pacific and Atlantic towers both have names of major battles carved into the base of their fountains -- the Pacific tower was particularly relevant to me since both my grandfathers were in that theater.

i can't keep my cool and still keep you too

This is a four-minute post for many reasons, not the least of which is that I'm falling asleep on the keyboard. You can find more content on the romance website tonight -- while I've decided that I can't devote the time to it necessary to blog every single day, I want to make sure that I include enough posts/info that people feel able to engage with me. That's a difficult balance to strike, but with the day job picking up, I have a feeling that that balance is going to be forced upon me whether I like it or not.

Seriously, I can't stay awake, so this blog post is ending v. prematurely, before any discussion of my endless meetings, my failings as a project manager, or my general issues are recorded. Goodnight!

they left a strange impression in my head

This is a four-minute post. Coming back to work today was very, very hard. This was mostly driven by exhaustion, apathy, and the lingering effects of euphoria. In fact, I didn't make it into the office until almost eleven, and then I left promptly at 3:30pm. However, it's not like I completely slacked off; I worked for the past four hours, but I did it from the comfort of my couch while doing laundry. And, I found that stroking my golden heart pendant while in the office made me feel better, even if that means I run the risk of weathering the pendant more than the average winner.

But, I had lunch with John, and I had entertaining conversations with Heather (aka dear respected madam) and Tania over VC, so that helped to preserve my mood. I also got an overpriced coffee at Philz on the way back up to the city, which was as lovely as usual. While I'm a bit distraught at the idea that I'm moving in a week and the big event I'm planning for work is now only a month away, at least I'm making quick progress in settling back in to the day job so that I can stay sane for a bit longer.

Okay, no more blogging -- I desperately need to sleep so that I can get to work at a reasonable hour tomorrow. Goodnight!

anyone could see the road that they walk on is paved in gold

I made it back to my apartment about thirty minutes ago after a completely fun, utterly exciting, ultimately exhausting trip to DC. Luckily, I was able to fly stand-by on an earlier flight, or else I would still be almost an hour away from landing -- and this difference will be huge when I have to drag myself out of bed tomorrow.

Today was an excellent cap to my trip. Terry and I managed to check out of the hotel by 9:30ish, and we left our bags there and went down to the National Mall to check out the monuments. We walked around the Washington Monument first, and then proceeded to the relatively new World War II Memorial. It broke my heart -- as you know, I have an overdeveloped sense of empathy, and the combo of studying and writing my honors thesis on the war in Europe throughout college plus having two grandfathers who served in the Pacific tugged at my heartstrings. I'll post pics later, but suffice it to say that in a strange twist of fate, Iowa and California were commemorated side by side, so I have a nice photo of me standing between my two homes.

After I wiped away the tears, we briefly explored the Korean War Memorial, then went to the Lincoln Memorial. I had seen Lincoln's monument before, but it was worth seeing again, if only to reread the Gettysburg Address and his second inauguration speech and remember how close our country came to tearing itself apart. Then, we walked down the Vietnam Wall before heading back up the Mall and catching the subway back to our hotel.

The final verdict is that I really like D.C. a lot -- it's probably not a surprise, since I adore history and Washington has one of the highest concentrations of American history/culture. But, the city itself is very pretty, very green, and very warm (a welcome change from the frigid San Francisco summers, even if I am sunburned).

Terry and I went to the airport after that, I hung out in the airport for awhile, talked to my parents and Aunt Becky, and then boarded my flight. I don't know that it has really sunk in yet that I won yesterday (although I wore the necklace today) -- or perhaps it has sunk in, but I'm so nervous/hopeful/crazy about selling the book that the excitement of the Golden Heart is taking an unfortunate back seat.

No, who am I kidding -- I'm still pretty excited :) But my excitement will be improved upon if I get some sleep, so it's time for bed!

in which all is revealed

Tonight was the night that this entire week (and, really, the last two months) has led up to. I managed to drag myself out to some workshops this morning/afternoon, but I was back in my room around 3pm so that I could relax (or rather, nerve myself up in private instead of public) before the ceremony. So, I talked to my parents, painted my nails, hung out with Terry, watched a couple of episodes of "How I Met Your Mother", and ate some pizza before getting all dolled up.

But, the nerves I've felt the past few days, which culminated in a serious case of nausea this afternoon akin to many of my past brain bowl performances, ended up being totally worth it -- I won my category!! This means that I got to go up on stage in front of two thousand people and give an acceptance speech while blinded by the stage lights. I was much shakier than I expected to be; while I didn't cry or shriek, I did have a lot of trouble catching my breath. Luckily, I had written notes out in advance, so I apparently thanked the appropriate people and thanked them coherently to boot.

I didn't really follow the rest of the 2hr ceremony well -- instead, I spent it texting, twittering, compulsively checking email, etc. while still shaking for a good twenty minutes after the announcement. Then, I had a couple of drinks and some lovely hors d'oeuvres with Terry and another Golden Heart winner, had a brief conversation with my agent (who was super psyched), and milled about before coming back upstairs. It was all totally exciting, wonderful, memorable (well, not memorable since I don't remember much of the walk up or anything, but you know what I mean), etc. Tomorrow I will focus on the future, the second book, and everything that I plan to achieve next, but for tonight, I'm happy.

One last thing -- thank you so much to all of you, whether you comment frequently or just lurk quietly, for all of your support. One of the things I said in my acceptance speech was that I'm truly lucky that my family and friends are not just supportive, but proud of my writing. Given how crazy the publishing world and my dreams are, this is truly a gift, and it's one that I'm immensely grateful for. So, thank you, and I hope to continue to do well so that I will have good news to share with you in the future!

Now, it's off to bed -- Terry and I intend to check out in the morning and sightsee a bit before going to the airport, so sleep is vital. Pics are below -- goodnight!

pics from the awards ceremony

 













Me and Terry before the awards ceremony.

 













The awards ceremony -- the woman dressed all crazy is a romance novelist who starred as the emcee.

 













After the award -- with the announcement card from the sealed envelope.

 













Me and my agent after the awards ceremony -- she was quite happy for me!

byoc (bring your own crazy)

I will freely admit that I kind of hit a wall today in terms of my participation/level of engagement/enthusiasm. It wasn't helped by the fact that I didn't sleep well last night and still managed to drag myself out of bed at 7:15am so that I could get dressed, blowdried, made up, and caffeinated for the 8:30am start of the first workshop I wanted to attend. I went to three workshops, a keynote lunch, another workshop, and a reception, then came back to my room and took care of some insurance- and move-related stuff before rendezvousing with Terry for a night o' fun.

Now don't get me wrong -- much of today was quite cool. While I wasn't enamored with every single workshop I attended, I did love the keynote lunch. Eloisa James spoke, and her speech (which heavily featured her relationship with her dead mother, who was a celebrated American author and never approved of her daughter's decision to write trashy romance) made me and half the audience cry. Also, the reception was cool -- we drank champagne and the board of directors handed out certificates of acknowledgement to all Golden Heart and RITA finalists. So all in all, the romance portion of the day was quite good.

However, I'm just a bit exhausted, and I think the stress of figuring out how I'm going to accomplish everything I have on my plate in the next eight weeks (plan/execute a sales conference, pack and move all my stuff, restart production on book two, plan a trip to India, and keep my fingers/toes crossed that the book currently out will sell and not be horribly rejected by every editor who currently has it) is really getting to me. I'm not in the bad state I was in before I took a leave of absence -- but I know it's only a matter of time before my thumb starts twitching. Clearly I need to do something before then.

Dinner and drinks with Terry went a long way toward restoring my good spirits. We wandered around and found a great Italian restaurant with an outdoor patio near Dupont Circle, where we had salad, dinner, dessert, and a whole bottle of wine while enjoying the early evening sun. She regaled me with tales of her European travels, and her account of the cemetery and beaches at Normandy made me cry. Then, we came back to the hotel and had another drink in the hotel bar while she told me about Egypt. Sadly for her, I was really distracted by the portrait of Andrew Jackson on the wall of the bar, and somehow we ended up discussing a possible bid for the 2016 or 2020 presidential election. I will not reproduce any of our conversation here for fear that it will someday be used against me, but clearly I need to be laying the groundwork now!

At this point, though, I really need to go to bed. I'm going to sleep late (if I can) and only go to two workshops (one of which is by my agent, so I feel like I should support her), and then take the afternoon easy so that I can get ready for the awards ceremony tomorrow night. By this time tomorrow, it will all be decided, and I can move on with my life. Yay! As crazy as it sounds, I'm ready for a return to some normalcy so that I can stop thinking about Malcolm and Amelia and focus on Ferguson and Madeleine. Then again, if I sell, I will have to think about Malcolm/Amelia if the editor wants revisions and when it's time to market it -- but I'm quite willing to compromise there, so long as I get a few weeks now to move on to the next project. Goodnight!

i wanna take a ride on your disco stick

The title has absolutely nothing to do with the content of this post, but that song is stuck in my head for some reason. I had an excellent day -- it started with a keynote by Janet Evanovich, followed by a meeting with my agent, followed by lunch with a speech by Linda Howard, followed by several workshops. Then, Terry arrived, fresh from her European adventure, and so we caught up over dinner at the hotel bar. We went to a cocktail party for current/former finalists, and made friends with a fellow finalist who was super cool. We ended up at the bar, but our energy started to flag around eleven, and so we're calling it a night.

The conference continues to amuse and delight, and there's two more days of it before the awards ceremony on Saturday night. I think I can survive -- but survival won't happen without sleep, so I'm going to bed. No need to check zee romance blog tonight -- I don't have the energy to update it, and so I'm taking the sage advice of many to ignore my social networking stuff for one night so that I can sleep and get as much as possible out of tomorrow. Whether this is a valid strategy remains to be seen, but given that I haven't sold yet, it seems like it makes sense. Goodnight!

tings are starting to heat up

Yes, I meant to say "tings". It's an homage to my California friends, and a fond memory of how horrified Katie was at our ridiculous grammar. Ironic that I'm a writer and I willingly slip into Adit-speak, but there you have it; it can only get worse when I move in with the dude.

Anyway, I had another excellent day. You can catch up on the details of the conference on zee romance blog, but suffice it to say that I successfully made it out of my first hotel and into the conference hotel. The lines at the conference hotel were v. long, and I wasn't able to get my room right away, so I spent some quality time eating a sandwich in the hotel pub and chatting it up with some people sitting near me. Then, I went to a very interesting afternoon activity for current/former finalists, and it was a good way for me to ease into the conference. Then, I eased right back out of it by meeting up for dinner with Stephanie; she was Ritu, Renee, and Connie's drawmate, and she lived in Loro my senior year. It was great to catch up with her, since she's a journalist and I heart journalists even if my company is slowly and unintentionally destroying her livelihood.

I won't blog here for long because I really really REALLY need to go to bed, but I will say that this conference already feels light-years different than last year's conference. It really boils down to the award nomination, I think; it encourages me to chat with people, probably because I feel more legitimate than I did last year when I attended without a completed manuscript and with no real ties to anyone in the entire hotel. This year, I've interacted with many people online already, and so I run into people whom I've either chatted with online, or who are current/former finalists themselves and so willing to say hi. And, since I now have an agent and saw all the superstar novelists' talks last year, some of the pressure is off, and I can focus my workshop attendance on topics like craft and marketing rather than hitting up all the "famous" speakers just to see them in person.

So, I'm having fun, and tomorrow will be even better because Terry arrives in the afternoon! Wish me luck as I try to stay awake through the day tomorrow...