I'm still blocked on Rafe and Octavia, to some extent, but that's becoming an incredibly depressing topic of conversation. And by 'incredibly depressing' I mean that I'm starting to get angry at myself for not being better at compartmentalizing my personal life so that I can write more effectively.
You may point out that getting angry about this isn't helpful; you'd be correct. However, on some level I simply haven't dealt with all the inherent/residual stress involved from having blown up my whole life over the past three months and switched apartments / quit jobs / said goodbye to coworkers whom I'd thought I would stay in touch with more regularly / committed to a creative life that involves a lot of solitude and not a lot of reassurance.
And unfortunately I haven't found a great way to write effectively while my monkey mind is so easily distracted. But writing in the morning seems to help, so I'm going to prioritize that. And there have been a lot of great things in the past couple of months - I've had more time for my friends, and for going to the gym, and I've been eating better and drinking less (I know, I'm shocked too), and I've been slowly connecting with other writers and starting to do things for my writing business that I've been meaning to do forever.
So really, it's all good. I just want to focus this week so that I can get into a groove before I leave for NYC, since I have high hopes of writing while I'm there as well. But it's time to turn those hopes into a reality, even if the slog is hard; the end result will be worth it.
sssanyway, today wasn't all doom and gloom despite the past few paragraphs. I got up early and did some work at Cafe du Soleil before meeting Jess and John there for breakfast (don't call it brunch!). As I mentioned on Thursday, I missed Jess's musical salon night because I got sucked into the seedy underworld of whisky and tattoos, so I felt it was imperative to catch up as soon as possible after that debacle. So we discussed our respective lives over mimosas (still, don't call it brunch), and I had the totally scrumptious spanish-style tortilla (basically egg and potato, which are two of my favorite things). And it was good to see them before I go to NYC and they move to Berkeley and our friendship dies a sudden death as the Bay Bridge comes between us.
After that, I came back to my neighborhood and went to Another Cafe, where I worked for a couple of hours on Octavia's character/style/mannerisms, since I feel like she's not quite coming together for me. I also said hi to Hugo, who was working there as per usual. But I didn't stay for all that long; I had a hangout date with Terry so that we could coordinate on my upcoming trip (yay!). And then I cleaned the kitchen, threw out an impressive display of mold formerly known as my compost, and called my parents. They have baby peacocks now, because of course they do.
At that point I contemplated walking down to the Marina and eating steak/drinking wine at Aix, but luckily I checked their website and discovered they're closed on Sundays. So I instead took the half-assed approach and bought sushi at Whole Foods, and then decided to drink water instead of opening the champagne I considered opening. I have to train with Alyssa at 8am tomorrow, so sobriety seemed like the better part of valor. And then I spent the rest of the night answering some emails, taking care of business, writing in my journal, and planning my to-dos for the week or two ahead.
And now, I'm going to breathe in, breathe out (green to red, machinehead), and remember that I went through all of this the last time I quit my job, and I seem to be getting closer to the end of the tunnel much faster than I did last time, so this is all good. If nothing else, the fear spirals this weekend were better than last weekend, or the weekend before that, which seems to indicate progress - and I don't have time for fear spirals this week, since I have lots to do before going to NYC (where all fear will die naturally while I'm having fun/being inspired, or it will be killed by the Rat King in the subways, either way). And on that note, I shall also stop being dramatic and go to bed. Goodnight!
You may point out that getting angry about this isn't helpful; you'd be correct. However, on some level I simply haven't dealt with all the inherent/residual stress involved from having blown up my whole life over the past three months and switched apartments / quit jobs / said goodbye to coworkers whom I'd thought I would stay in touch with more regularly / committed to a creative life that involves a lot of solitude and not a lot of reassurance.
And unfortunately I haven't found a great way to write effectively while my monkey mind is so easily distracted. But writing in the morning seems to help, so I'm going to prioritize that. And there have been a lot of great things in the past couple of months - I've had more time for my friends, and for going to the gym, and I've been eating better and drinking less (I know, I'm shocked too), and I've been slowly connecting with other writers and starting to do things for my writing business that I've been meaning to do forever.
So really, it's all good. I just want to focus this week so that I can get into a groove before I leave for NYC, since I have high hopes of writing while I'm there as well. But it's time to turn those hopes into a reality, even if the slog is hard; the end result will be worth it.
sssanyway, today wasn't all doom and gloom despite the past few paragraphs. I got up early and did some work at Cafe du Soleil before meeting Jess and John there for breakfast (don't call it brunch!). As I mentioned on Thursday, I missed Jess's musical salon night because I got sucked into the seedy underworld of whisky and tattoos, so I felt it was imperative to catch up as soon as possible after that debacle. So we discussed our respective lives over mimosas (still, don't call it brunch), and I had the totally scrumptious spanish-style tortilla (basically egg and potato, which are two of my favorite things). And it was good to see them before I go to NYC and they move to Berkeley and our friendship dies a sudden death as the Bay Bridge comes between us.
After that, I came back to my neighborhood and went to Another Cafe, where I worked for a couple of hours on Octavia's character/style/mannerisms, since I feel like she's not quite coming together for me. I also said hi to Hugo, who was working there as per usual. But I didn't stay for all that long; I had a hangout date with Terry so that we could coordinate on my upcoming trip (yay!). And then I cleaned the kitchen, threw out an impressive display of mold formerly known as my compost, and called my parents. They have baby peacocks now, because of course they do.
At that point I contemplated walking down to the Marina and eating steak/drinking wine at Aix, but luckily I checked their website and discovered they're closed on Sundays. So I instead took the half-assed approach and bought sushi at Whole Foods, and then decided to drink water instead of opening the champagne I considered opening. I have to train with Alyssa at 8am tomorrow, so sobriety seemed like the better part of valor. And then I spent the rest of the night answering some emails, taking care of business, writing in my journal, and planning my to-dos for the week or two ahead.
And now, I'm going to breathe in, breathe out (green to red, machinehead), and remember that I went through all of this the last time I quit my job, and I seem to be getting closer to the end of the tunnel much faster than I did last time, so this is all good. If nothing else, the fear spirals this weekend were better than last weekend, or the weekend before that, which seems to indicate progress - and I don't have time for fear spirals this week, since I have lots to do before going to NYC (where all fear will die naturally while I'm having fun/being inspired, or it will be killed by the Rat King in the subways, either way). And on that note, I shall also stop being dramatic and go to bed. Goodnight!
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