Sunday, July 05, 2015

your trojan's in my head

Today was kind of a mess, if I'm being honest. Not for any good reason, really...but I'm feeling like I'm not being productive enough, and when I get into one of those fear spirals, it's easy to let it carry me all the way to the bottom rather than finding an off-ramp. But at least I know a fear spiral when I see one now...so I have some hope that I've eventually deal with them more quickly, if not evade them entirely (a noble, likely futile goal).

But it wasn't all fear and stress and despair...I woke up moderately early and met Kathia at 9:30, so I got in a couple of hours of legit brainstorming this morning. I'm coming close to a solid plot, I think, and I am planning to press hard this week to see where I can take it. After we parted ways, I said hi to Hugo (who was working, unbeknownst to me, in the same cafe downstairs), laughed at his general life plight because I have no bedside manner, and then left him to his studying so that I could buy groceries and make a belated breakfast/lunch. Then I spent the early afternoon doing laundry/napping/panicking. And then I called my parents, who were in fine form (albeit still, somehow, sick), which made me feel better because at least someone will still love me even if my books all suck henceforth and I have to get a job as a janitor at a Starbucks because I never even learned how to pull a shot of espresso properly. Sigh.

sssanyway, I was going to mope some more after I got off the phone with them, but since I now recognize a fear spiral, I instead put on some real clothes, walked to the Marina, and had an extended dinner at Mezes. I picked the right night to do it, since they were v. v. slow, so I got to catch up with the bartender in a v. leisurely way. I also enjoyed a couple of glasses of wine and some delish chicken skewers while plotting and scheming in my notebook...I wanted to plot out the week ahead, and I accomplished it well enough. Eventually, I said goodbye, came home, and finished a book I'd started awhile ago ('Prudence', a steampunk novel that's a spinoff from a series I'd previously loved - my jury is out on whether I love this series yet, but it was a good enough read).

And so, happily, I feel better than I did this afternoon, and I'm eager to tackle this week with all the ruthlessness I used to use against my day job. Or something. Goodnight!

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