Wednesday, January 30, 2008

there's no blame for how our love did slowly fade

Three more days left at work!

Even though I'm technically winding down, my calendar really hasn't changed at all. Granted, much of the reason why I'm taking time off is because I was burnt out from working all the time, which I brought on myself by being overcommitted and way too engaged/passionate/interested in a myriad of problems and issues that I faced at work. So, it makes sense that I can't tear myself away from the stuff that I'm still working on, and will just stay involved until the v. last minute. It's also clear that I have workaholism bordering on a real disease. Now it's just a matter of converting my workaholic tendencies into something that will enable me to get my romance novel done in a couple of months so that I can write another one during the second half of my break!

Anyway, I had several meetings today, as well as an impromptu lunch with Fred, Sean and Terry after my original lunch date cancelled on me at the last minute. It was fun to hang out with them, even if they knew that they were backup on the lunch list. I also spent some quality time with Jenni in the afternoon - although she technically reported to me for the past few months, I actually knew her from the fun times we spent in South Africa last year, and so I felt like I was more friends than colleagues with her. It was nice to catch up, albeit briefly.

After work, Laura tried to pressure me into meeting someone she knew from one of her former jobs, but I didn't feel like networking. Instead, I had dinner with Cody at my favorite Mexican restaurant down the street from my place of work. It was great to catch up, since we don't talk as much now that we're not on the same floor/team. Of course, like every other interaction I have at work these days, it just reminded me of what I'm walking away from - I just have to stay steady on my course. It's just difficult when my impending departure comes up all the time - like earlier today when I was walking across the yard to another building, and crossed paths with my VP. He looked like he was on his phone, and I heard him loudly say 'four', which I didn't react to - until he said 'four days' even more loudly, and it became clear that he was referencing the fact that I'm leaving in four days. Of course it's nice that he's so aware, but it's also hard too because I do feel like I've provided a lot of value to the organization and simultaneously learned a lot, and that it's been generally well-recognized, and so it's hard to say why I need to leave other than that I need to reexamine my priorities, finish my book, and make sure that I'm living the life I want to live.

Okay, now it's time to go to bed - goodnight!

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