it's where my demons hide

Tomorrow is going to be brutal because today was brutal and seven and a half hours of sleep isn't going to be enough to unsuckify it. My commute took two horrible hours this morning, which was a most unwelcome start to my week, although I'm glad that I v. unusually ate something before it (leftover chicken, breakfast of champions) and decided to take the bus instead of driving. Still, it sucked. Then I slogged at work, with several breaks to walk around, all of which were negated by the gluten free red velvet cupcake that I inhaled while celebrating someone's birthday. It's kind of sad that the team knows me well enough now to get me some gluten free confection when they get treats for something, since I then feel compelled to eat it. The sugar crash hit just as I was getting on the shuttle to come home, but luckily the commute back to the city was perfect, so I didn't have to stab anyone with my last ounce of strength.

However, I did have to judge a bunch of not-so-great contest entries that were due today, so that's what I did on the bus and at home for an hour and a half, when I would have rather done anything else. Then I made a steak and a baked potato, ate that in hopes that it would fight off the cupcake coma, and picked up Chandlord so that we could go together to one of the many stops on the bar crawl to celebrate Tom's thirtieth birthday. We backed each other up in being old and sober, but we stayed for an hour, which I thought was totally respectable. Then I dropped her off, came home, and did the task I was dreading all day...I read my editor's editorial letter on Alex and Prudence.

I was not looking forward to this, since I'd read the first paragraph at noon before deciding I couldn't deal, and the first paragraph said something about this being hard but not impossible. Ugh, shoot me. So I finally read the letter tonight, and she was right - hard, not impossible. She's also right about what's wrong, and her suggestions to fix them are great. But guess what? Remember how I was so smug that I made it through this book without rewriting the first half? I'M GOING TO HAVE TO REWRITE THE FIRST HALF. God. Tanks, writing brain.

sssanyway, it's not that bad, but needless to say I'm displeased that my concerns about the book were founded. It would have been so much easier if she'd come back and said she loved it. But the plan to fix this is a story for another day - now I must go to bed immediately. Goodnight!

bang bang, you shot me down

I should have been more productive than I was today, but I should probably stop saying that before I give myself an ulcer. And really, it was quite a good day. I had a 9am writing date with Kathia in North Beach, which I decided to walk to, but I had to go pretty far out of my way so that I could walk around Russian Hill rather than over the top of it (which is, thankfully, not as bad as going over the top of a WWI trench, but is still quite a brutal slog during which some streets turn into steps). But the half-hour walk was a nice beginning to my day, and the cafe was v. lovely and sunny and right on a cable car line, which made for good people-watching. Kathia was just as unenthused about her book as I am about mine, which made me feel a little better even if she's working on the third book she's written in the time it will take me to finish this one. Ha. So we talked for a bit, and then I got a couple of hours of good work done on the editing side before throwing in the towel and walking home.

When I got home, I did a bit of tidying up, then took a shower, then had a late breakfast at my favorite cafe down the street, where I met the new waitress, then learned from the old waitress that one of the other regulars I've noticed in there is actually the first-ever topless dancer in San Francisco. You learn something new every day. I'm glad I learned something new, since I was engaged in the utterly cheerless task of judging entries in a writing contest, which usually fills me with sadness and malaise. Then I came home, talked to my parents, wrote up some judging comments, went out for a drink, came home again, and ate leftover chicken and greek salad while talking to Terry (who found the link to the stripper, so thank her for that).

And now, I must go to bed; I have to go to this thing called a day job tomorrow, which is unfortunate since I have a million other things to do as well. Goodnight!

don't pay no mind to the demons, they'll fill you with fear

I just realized that I need to go to bed immediately if I'm going to meet Kathia for our writing date tomorrow morning - damn. Today was v. fun and v. productive, though. I had breakfast with my CPA, which was a little entertaining (just entertaining enough that it made up for the fact that I now have an even more massive to-do list). Then I came home, took care of some of my to-do list, called my sister, read about some royal family gossip (Wills and Kate are in Scotland visiting the Queen!), and then brainstormed back cover copy until four p.m.

At that point, it was time to stop being a hermit and start hanging out with people my own age. So, I put on some appropriate clothes, changed into even more appropriate clothes when Terry told me it had gotten cold out, and then went to John and Jess's for their Oktoberfest party. My friends there were in fine form, as per usual, but the best joke of the night may have gone to Anthony in reference to Terry's lack of speaking in that crowd. Actually, I think I had told Katrina that she got joke of the night, but now I can't remember what it was. And anyway, everyone was qualified for joke of the night; the six or seven people I knew were all huddled around a side table, ignoring the other thirty people there, as per usual. And it was a glorious time, even if I did drink most of a bottle of wine and thus wrecked myself for any productivity tonight.

But now that I'm done with the interwebs and mostly recovered from my wine experience, I should sleep. Goodnight!

can't you feel my heartbeat running away

I have officially become old. I'm going to ginto bed before 10:30 so that I can get up early and write. Yeah, I don't know what's wrong with me either. Today was v productive, though, and I want to keep up my momentum. I slogged all day from home, then got my bangs trimmed and my brows waxed, then bought groceries so I can continue to feed myself. Later, I had drinks with Tom to talk about writing and life, which was great - but I had two double shots of Baileys on the rocks, which was about two more shots than I should have had. And I was so late getting home that I missed my opportunity to have dinner with Terry, which is a shame since I was going to con her into having a steak. So she went out with another friend and I stayed home and ate frozen enchiladas like the winner I am.

And now that I've fallen asleep while trying to write in my journal, I think it's time to go to bed - goodnight!

you better lose yourself

Today was a great day - perhaps not on the level of one of Taylor Swift's fairytale days, but then, I'm kind of glad that I'm me and not her, so I suppose I'll take what I can get. I made it down to the glorious south bay in time to train with Alyssa at eight a.m., which was less brutal than it sounds. Then I showered and made it to the office just in time for my ten a.m. meeting, which was quite interesting and useful and all that. And then I slogged the rest of the day, with a lunch break to have lunch with someone who recently joined the team. I must say that for all that going back to work has severely cramped my eccentric style, I picked a pretty good team to go back to; when I can ignore the annoyances, I can appreciate how nice it is that they all tend to eat lunch together at least a couple of times a week, and that we have cupcakes or champagne or other non-Alyssa-approved celebratory dishes on a v. frequent basis.

sssanyway, I skipped out just before five and picked up John, who had conned me into (or rather, asked me to) take him home with a stop at BevMo to pick up German beer for the party they're throwing this weekend. This was quite a fun errand, and I hit the five cent wine sale hard (eight bottles that will go straight to my liver). Traffic back wasn't bad, and since we took 280 it was even lovelier, which made for a nice backdrop to a rather philosophical conversation about life and choices and mindfulness and all those other buzzwords. I should have been wearing some lululemon yoga pants, but as I don't have any, my dress hopefully sufficed.

After I dropped him off, I came home, made some scrambled eggs with avocado (dinner of champions), and then met up with one of Chandlord's friends for a drink. I considered this more work than personal, so I prioritized it over all the other stuff I should have done tonight (including more fun drinks with someone else). She's starting some sort of mindfulness/yoga/development class/group and Chandlord thought I might be interested. And I think I am; it's so hard for me to carve out time unless I calendar it, and joining a group would probably help. But we shall see.

I walked home, which was a mile and a half down a hill so steep there were stairs cut into it (back in 1915!) for at least three blocks, which made me a little dizzy. And I got hit on by two old guys outside my favorite French restaurant who produced a gigantic fake diamond ring the size of my fist, so they must just sit there and hit on girls all the time (I'd seen them last week and ignored them, but this week I humored them). So really, today was a win all around. Goodnight!

leave me breathless

Today was v. productive, just the way I like it. I almost didn't want to be productive tonight, and very nearly made a dash for freedom by arranging to have drinks with someone, but instead I forced myself to slog and probably felt better for it. I was on the shuttle by 7:25 this morning, worked all the way to the office, and then slogged v. diligently all day (meetings + writing my overdue self assessment). But I cut out at four to take the shuttle home, since I couldn't bear the thought of getting home when it was already dark. And when I got on the bus, I discovered that Terry was similarly slacking, so I sat next to her and we chatted for a few minutes until the bus left campus and any talking would earn an immediate and well-deserved lynching from the surly shuttle crowd.

So I worked all the way home (except for the last twenty minutes, which would have made me throw up on my keyboard if I'd kept working), then took a break and tidied up my room and generally did nothing for an hour. Then I made breakfast for supper, procrastinated for a bit, and then spent two hours editing Alex and Prudence. I got through about forty pages, which was great progress, and I think the second half of the book is smoother sailing than the first, so I hope I can get through with this pass this weekend. I'm still waiting to hear back from my editor, so I'm by no means done yet, but I'm getting closer and can hopefully force myself to get the book out at the end of October as promised.

And now I desperately need to sleep; I'm training with Alyssa tomorrow at eight a.m., which requires leaving her at some ungodly hour (aka 6:40). Goodnight!

i want to be the sand inside her hourglass

I should have gone to bed an hour ago and shut off my laptop an hour before that, but clearly I have failed. Today was fine, but I missed my eight a.m. meeting because the bus took longer than I thought it would. Then I had to sit through a three and a half hour training on discrimination in the workplace, which was much more entertaining than it sounds since zee company pays a very very entertaining lawyer to deliver it. Then I had an afternoon full of meetings, met with the little boss, and left the office a little before six to have a friendship renewal dinner with Tolu and Jane.

When I got home, I had grand plans to write, but I got sucked into watching 'The Voice' with Terry and her sister. And now, I'm spent. Hopefully tomorrow yields a bit more me-time, in the form of time to actually do stuff on my many and varied to-do lists and possibly take some time to write as well. Goodnight!

heaven's got a plan for you

I'm trying something new and trying to avoid screens for an hour before going to bed, so I'm blogging earlier than usual - you'll just have to trust that I made it into bed after this, which I know is a dicey proposition. Today was excellent, though; I worked out with Alyssa, slogged very diligently until sometime after six (with a break to have lunch with Jason, one of my old coworkers), took the bus home, ate some leftover steak (dinner of champions), and then worked on a bit of romance novel stuff until now. Yes, I know that's all v. boring. But then, I lead a v. boring life, when I'm not being oh-so-glamorous (which happens far less than it will when I'm the octogenarian I was born to be).

And now, I'm going to turn off zee computer and discover what I can do in an hour without screens - I'm expecting something miraculous that will probably end up just being boring. Goodnight!

galvanize

I was horrendously productive today, which was a good thing for my puritanical instincts but perhaps a bad thing for my eyes. I spent the morning and early afternoon working on Alex and Prudence, but I eventually had to take a break and get out of the house before I went crazy. So I took a long walk to the bank, then came home and talked to my parents (as per usual). After talking to them, I made a marinade for some meat, then started taking care of all the millions of annoying things that have piled up on my to-do list. I have been a lazy, lazy wench when it comes to everything but writing and the day job for the past, oh, six months, and it shows in the fact that my email inboxes are out of control, my financial tracking is a mess, and everything is generally in a state of constant havoc.

So I spent the evening sending emails for things that happened an embarrassingly long time ago (including billing people for something I paid for in May - ha), although I took a nice break to cook and eat some steak fajitas. I would like to keep going with the productivity kick, since I was in some sort of flow, but I think sleep is more important; I have to train with Alyssa in the morning, and then try to get into this same flow with the day job, where I am perhaps less behind but am perhaps more expected to do stuff. Goodnight!

i just closed my eyes and swung

I had a truly lovely day - between my one social plan for the weekend and some forced productivity + forced downtime, I feel quite accomplished. I got up relatively early and met up with Heather (aka dear respected madam) for brunch down near the ballpark, which is somewhere I never ever go. But the food was great - I had these 'messy eggs' that were full of garlic and onions and bacon, and they were v. delicious. And the company was, as usual, great as well, even if we were seated between two v. noisy parties who made it difficult for us to carry on a real conversation.

After brunch, we adjourned to my salon because I had convinced Heather to come up and get a brow wax and facial from my favorite aesthetician ever. I got my facial first, and it was excellent; the woman has hooked me on all sorts of ridiculous products that have made my skin feel better than it has at any other point in my life, and I told her point-blank that I'd brought her a 'whale', since Heather's addiction to overpriced beauty products rivals my own. And I'm pretty sure Heather bought a whole ton of stuff after, so the salon people should be very happy with me for some time to come. After I was done, Heather got a facial and brow wax while I sat at Peet's and contemplated Prudence and Alex (without much success).

When we'd wrapped up our pampering, I dropped Heather off at her car, went to the grocery store, bought myself a bunch of meat and flowers, and then came home, cleaned out the fridge, cleaned the kitchen, put away the groceries, and arranged my flowers to put in a charming ceramic pitcher in my bathroom (yes, I called my own bathroom charming). Then I wrote in my journal. Then I contemplated working and failed. Then I made a delicious dinner (ribeye and a sweet potato), drank copious amounts of tea, and edited the first thirty pages of Prudence and Alex's story. That may not sound like a lot, but it actually is - you'll have to trust me on that.

And now, I must sleep; I want to get through more than thirty pages tomorrow, and I have some other stuff I should take care of for all my many and varied jobs, so it's time to sleep. Goodnight!

laugh riot

Today was a v. long and tiring day, which is nonsense since I did no real work for the day job. That's not entirely true; I was in a training from nine to five, but the training was on managing my energy, which isn't directly relevant to all the mundanities of my day to day. Of course, managing my energy is crucial in the long term, but I kind of left the day feeling validated that I have a lot of my shit figured out already; with the exception of the fact that my life allows no time for meeting new people or perhaps making a baby (ew), the rest of it is really good. Yes, I'm being obnoxiously smug.

But I got to work out of the evil city, which was nice, and the training was a great exercise. And the trainer invited me over for dinner sometime soon, which might sound weird except for the fact that we knew each other when I lived in Dublin (she's relocated here). So that was all v. nice. Then I came home, made up my bed with fresh sheets, talked to [censored], and had dinner with Terry. After that, I really really didn't want to go out, but I had promised to go to an improv show with some of my coworkers (and had already bought the ticket) - so I took a twenty minute nap, then miraculously rallied and made it down to the Financial District for the show. Sadly, I didn't enjoy the show as much as I thought I would; some bits were funny, but they only performed for <40mins and the ticket was $20, which I thought was v. overpriced. But we adjourned to Hidden Vine and had wine after, so that was nice.

And now, I must sleep, since I have grand plans to both relax and be productive tomorrow, which may be difficult. Goodnight!

you got a fast car

I am so full of meat that it's not really funny anymore - I'm pretty sure I have the meat sweats. I had dinner with some of my coworkers at a Brazilian steakhouse in Palo Alto, and I ate an absurd quantity of meat. We were all starving when we got there since we hadn't eaten much all day, and this place made some seriously legit meat, all of which they brought around on giant skewers and carved off for us as necessary. They even brought out the special skewer of chicken hearts at the request of one of the Brazilians on my team, but it was a little intense to end on organ meat after eating at least two pounds (I may be being conservative here) of other meats. Okay, maybe it wasn't two pounds. But I had two sausages, at least six ounces of filet mignon, more sirloin than I can remember, some tritip, a piece of pork, a piece of turkey wrapped in bacon...I would continue, but now I kind of want to vomit. And then I want to go back and do it again.

sssanyway, the rest of the day was good; I worked out with Alyssa this morning, which was excellent, and then I slogged without respite until 5:45. Then I had a meat feast, then I drove two of the guys on my team back to the city with me, and now I really need to go to bed and sleep off my protein coma so I can be somewhat productive tomorrow. False hope, I know. Goodnight!

i throw my hands up in the air sometimes

For some reason I'm exhausted today - I think it's because I didn't get any downtime at the end of the day between working and immediately jumping into my writing stuff, and that's usually a recipe for disaster. But the day was mostly good; I didn't throw up on the shuttle (high bar for satisfaction there), I was moderately successful in all my meetings, I liked what I ate for lunch, and I got home by 5:15. Easy peasy. And I finished reading through Prudence and Alex over a steak dinner at my favorite overpriced French place, where they know me well enough now that the waiter just asked 'can I take your menu?' rather than asking what I wanted to order. Lovely.

Now, though, I'm going to go to bed even though it's only nine p.m.; I want to sleep the sleep of the just and wake up refreshed enough to enjoy my workout with Alyssa before doing some slogging. Goodnight!

maybe i'm just in love when you wake me up

Today was v. productive for the day job and v. unproductive for the rest of my life. Actually, that's not entirely true; I got a blood test since I haven't had a physical in awhile, but since the blood test wasn't until 9:45, I was totally starving at the end of it. Luckily the phlebotomist realized that my right arm was a no-go and tried my left arm before just jabbing into my right arm and digging around for the vein, so the procedure was totally painless and non-unconsciousness-inducing. And then I went down the block and had breakfast at the closest place I could find with decent Yelp reviews, which was difficult since I was smack in the heart of the overpriced tourist mecca that is Union Square/Chinatown. The coffee was decent, though, and the omelette was pretty good, and really I would have eaten anything to stop my stomach from screaming and my head from spinning.

Thus refreshed, I came home and slogged nonstop for six hours, which was great for my to-do list and v. bad for my eyes. When Terry got home, I was dazed and exhausted, and I couldn't decide between grabbing dinner with her and taking a shower (two v. different things). But I opted for dinner, so we walked down to Chestnut and had a v. casual dinner at some burger place. Then we went to Nectar and attended Kathia's launch party for her latest book (which comes out tomorrow) - she was v. classy and served all sorts of champagne and wine, and it was all lovely. I also had a fun run-in with one of my day job competitors (from the company Jess used to work for), although I doubt they see us as much competition, so it was all v. civil. Then Terry and I came home, I did some desultory stuff around my room, and now I must sleep so that I can hit it hard tomorrow. I'm hoping to spend a little bit less time slogging and a bit more time with Alex and Prudence, but we shall see what happens. Goodnight!

no apologies

I'm way way tired - last night's eight hours weren't enough, and my morning commute was thoroughly miserable. But I made it to my meetings, then trained with Alyssa, then slogged on my own all afternoon (with a break for a walk-and-talk with the woman who manages stuff other than books). I'm happy to report that I got to the bottom of my corporate email inbox, partially by unilaterally archiving all the starred stuff from March.

After work I had dinner on campus, then went to Philz and read half of.Alex and Prudence's book. I have a lot of criticisms of it myself, so hopefully I'll get a lot of quality time to write and sort some of this out.

Now I must sleep - goodnight!

too many shadows, whispering voices, faces on posters, too many choices

Apologies for not blogging last night; usually I blog no matter how much alcohol I've consumed, but by the time I got home (sometime after two a.m.), I was a total wreck. We celebrated Terry's birthday yesterday (happy birthday, Terry!), which meant I capped off a week of sin and iniquity with one last rollercoaster binge before I got back to my regularly scheduled days of working nonstop. In fact, today was supposed to be one of those days, but since I was too wrecked to do anything, I had to settle for sitting on the couch and staring at the television (lame).

Yesterday started off tame; I got up at 7:30 (shocking), puttered around the house, and then did a bit of work before showering - I cleaned my room, printed out a clean copy of Alex and Prudence's story so I can read it and start editing, and did some financial tings. Then I showered, put on a dress, and accompanied Terry to a festive birthday brunch at the fancy French bistro where I sometimes write. Chandlord and Katrina met us there, and it turns out the breakfast food there is fantastic - I'd never had brunch there, but my omelette forestiere was fantastic. I usually don't like omelettes because they can be dry, but these eggs were perfectly cooked, and the bacon/mushrooms/onions on top were also excellent. We split a bottle of champagne with orange juice for mimosas, and generally had a v. lovely time catching up. Unfortunately, I made a mistake adding up my meal + gratuity and was off by a dollar, which wasn't a big deal obvi, but it kind of became a big deal because Chandlord called me on it and then it became clear that I am known for an almost robotic tendency to always be correct about stuff. So that was both hilarious and vaguely terrifying. But if that was my one mistake for the year, I'll take it.

After brunch, we walked Chandlord to Van Ness so she could meet up with Tom Foolery, and then Terry and I came home to recuperate. She watched football and took a nap, but I slogged on with my financial stuff (I'm trying to get Sara Ramsey's house in order - it may be time to set up a business, but I've been avoiding it thus far and am debating how long I can continue without incorporating her). At six, though, I threw in the towel, and Terry and I had a drink at a wine bar on Fillmore, which was an excellent spot. Then we met up with Lauren (aka Subz) for what was supposed to be a v. quiet and sedate birthday dinner.

And it started quiet and sedate; we ordered a bottle of wine and a couple of appetizers (the plantains were to die for), and continued to imbibe over dinner (which, for me, was also to die for - I had a churrasco steak that was out of this world good, grilled perfectly and served with plantains and a fried egg on top, which was shockingly good). Then we ordered another bottle of wine. Why, when there were only three of us, I'm not quite sure, but it seemed like a great idea at the time. And since I think we all expected we'd call it a night shortly after that, it would have been entirely reasonable to drink that much with dinner.

But then as we were leaving, we walked by a fortune teller's sign, and Lauren and I decided to make Terry get her fortune read. So we went up and bought her a palm reading, which we got to sit and observe, which was quite hysterical. The fortune teller told her to avoid Irishmen (because they are awful) and to look for an Italian or Persian guy, or possibly an Armenian or a Spaniard. And then she told Terry that she should go to the W Hotel bar to meet someone (this is relevant later).

So we dragged Terry down the street to another bar, where I had 2.5 cocktails (I believe Lauren did too, but Terry was v. cleverly avoiding her drinks, which is where my .5 cocktail came from) and interacted briefly with some very douchey guys. Then we decided that the W bar was in Terry's destiny, so we cabbed over there and had another drink or two there while chatting to some dudes who were v. entertaining (but also married, so tanks for nothing, fortune teller!). It should be clear to you by now that I was approximately ten drinks in at this point, which explains why I was such a mess today. We finally left there, came home, I somehow miraculously made it into bed, and I slept the sleep of the intoxicated (made slightly less lovely because I forgot to tell my fitness bracelet that I was going to sleep, so it buzzed me every 45 minutes to tell me to get up and walk around).

This morning, needless to say, was a nightmare, and I felt extremely ill (although I wasn't actually sick). Terry ordered me a pizza since I was too hungover to even contemplate walking down the street for my usual huevos rancheros hangover cure, and I sat on the couch and watched football, which is a sign of how messy I was. Then I eventually showered, took care of a couple of minor things, talked to my parents, talked to Terry's brothers (who came over), watched some "Drunk History" with them (I would be a fabulous narrator for that show), and then talked to [censored]. And now, I must sleep; I have to work tomorrow, which should not surprise you, but I also want to get out early so that I can hole up in a coffeeshop and read Alex and Prudence. Goodnight!

look down your glasses at that aranciata

Today was v. tiring but somewhat productive/uplifting despite a few hours of rage in the middle. I got up somewhat early and drove to Palo Alto to train with Alyssa, then drove straight back home to work from home rather than going into the office. This was a fine and dandy plan, and I was on my way to spending some quality time brainstorming the future of my team and our vision and all that fun stuff. But then something happened at work that turned into a firedrill, which kind of ruined my afternoon. Enraged, I signed off at 4:50 and went straight to a pre-arranged massage, which was either the best or worst timing ever. I was so tense that the woman ended up climbing up onto the table and kneeling on my thighs while working on my back, but it really helped me to come down from my rage high.

The day wasn't all bad, though; I bought a new notebook at the Japanese stationery store down the street (a notebook I'd watched a fifteen minute YouTube video on a couple of weeks ago - yes, I'm that much of a dork). So I spent some quality time this afternoon and tonight setting it up and breaking it in. I know, this is nonsensical to just about all of you. I also made myself a steak and a baked potato for dinner, and I brainstormed titles for my next book (the one after Alex and Prudence). I think I came up with some good ones, but I also came up with some ridiculous ones, and I need to ponder some more before making any decisions.

Now, I shall sleep - this is the first time in ages that I'm not setting an alarm, and I am SO EXCITED. If anyone wakes me up, I shall disembowel them and feed their entrails to Karl the Fog. Goodnight!

given the chance, i'm gonna be somebody

Today was particularly brutal, but I seem to have emerged from it unscathed. I didn't sleep very well last night, and it was for far less time than I would have liked, so I woke up groggy and categorically refused to get out of bed to go to yoga with Chandlord. So I slept for another forty-five minutes, which wasn't enough, then dragged myself through the shower and into some pants so I could run for the shuttle. I ended up taking half a mexican dramamine for the ride, since I was already feeling a little nauseated (last night's champagne binge is correlation, not causation), and while it kept me from throwing up all over my shirt, it also made me hella sleepy. Luckily my brain seems capable of rallying in just about any situation, so I think I came off well in the career panel I spoke on - or maybe I came off super cynical and sarcastic, since I had multiple people come up and thank me for being so 'real'. Ha. That's code for something, right?

sssanyway, I had a mimosa after (why? why is there always champagne around me?), then took two bottles of unopened champagne back to my team for their later enjoyment, since they way over-ordered stuff for the mixer after the panel. Then I immediately had four hours of meetings with no break, although I forced a break in there somewhere so I could make a v. boring salad. The meetings were good, though, and I felt reasonably accomplished at the end. So I met up with John and Vidya at TGIF, where we drank some wine (why? why is there always wine around me?) and laughed at jhokes. I only had a tiny bit of wine, so I was able to drive the three of us back to the evil city, which was far more entertaining than taking the shuttle even if tonight's drive was brutal. Then we met up with Jess for an impromptu dinner in my old neighborhood - there's a Mexican restaurant next to Chow that is amazeballs, and I had some of the best carnitas I've had in a very long time, along with a pitcher of margaritas (why? why are there always margaritas around me?). But I didn't finish my margarita, and it was mostly mango anyway, so I'm hopeful that I will sleep the sleep of the just tonight, rather than the sleep of the drunk.

And now I really must sleep; I have a million work things to do tomorrow, since the person who was most inspired by my career advice today may have been myself (hahahaha). Goodnight!

i shake it your way

Happy birthday to me! Thanks for all of you who sent messages, called, tried to call, facebooked, etc. - I had a lovely day of mourning, and I appreciate all of you. I especially appreciate Chandlord, who is exercising decorum and restraint by refraining from forcing me to let her guest blog, even though she's also exercising an odd display of generosity by allowing two drunken Scottishmen/Englishmen to stay in her apartment while she sleeps in my bed. Best birthday gift ever!

sssanyway, today was perfectly lovely. I went to work, met with some people, and then snuck out to train with Alyssa (remember her?) since one of my post-birthday goals is to take some more time for myself that is neither dayjob-related nor book-related so that I don't wreck my body and go totally insane in the process. Then I grabbed my favorite coffee, went back to work, had cupcakes that my team bought for me, slogged for a couple of hours, and took the shuttle home. So industrious, I know.

Upon reaching home, I talked to the parents for a few minutes, then reapplied my lipstick, then walked down to the evil Marina to have dinner with Terry and Lauren (aka Subz). Subz, as usual, grilled me about my future, but I think my answers were satisfactory; I want to write a shit-ton of books without losing my friends or failing to have a life, so that's a good goal, right? Then we adjourned next door to a wine bar, where I had a champagne flight while partaking in some family time with Chandlord, Adit, Priyanka, John, Jess, Terry, Subz, and the Scots/English dudes (the Scottish guy is actually known to me, since I met him during zee German/Indian/Scottish wedding I went to in 2011).

And I'm v. sorry to report to my father that he must stop blaming all of my alcoholic woes on Adit; Priyanka let slip that Adit is more ridiculous around me than he is around most people, so it's possible that I'm actually responsible for his woes. I won't go so far as to claim all responsibility, since he's quite capable of getting drunk without me, but it's possible that the correlation between Adit's presence and my drunkenness isn't as clear as it might seem.

sssanyway again, we had a v. lovely time getting cozy in the least obviously cozy part of the bar, which confused the waitress to no end, particularly since Adit insisted on rearranging all the furniture to make it more cozy. Then, after everyone left, Chandlord and I adjourned to Balboa Cafe with the foreigners + a bunch of unknown cougars, and the four of us (sans cougars, unless I've automatically become one by turning thirty-two) had another drink while discussing how if they walk south and east of Chandlord's apartment into the 'loin, they will meet their deaths. Then Chandlord and I abandoned them to said deaths and came to my place, and now I must sleep so that I can participate in a career development panel for some impressionable minds tomorrow morning. Hahahaha. Goodnight!

you can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug

I was super surly today, which was not good for my stress levels; the wall I hit hard yesterday continues to block me, but now it's more of a wild oscillation between my desire to get something done and my total apathy for everything on my to-do list. I spent some quality time on the shuttle this morning daydreaming about my next series and thinking of titles, but then I got to work and promptly developed a headache that lasted all day (and somehow seemed to get worse rather than better). I had lunch with Joann, which was lovely and v. long overdue, but then I went back to my desk and couldn't concentrate on anything at all. And since I only had one more meeting (not counting a one-on-one with the little boss, who canceled on me), I caught the four o'clock shuttle and came home to nurse my headache in solitude.

My surliness somehow increased rather than decreased after my nap on the shuttle, but I ate some nachos (not good for me, but good for my surliness) and then reread most of my gargoyles manuscript, which somehow put me in a better mood because that book could be really awesome and I like most of what I have. Then I sent some emails, got ready for tomorrow, and am now going to go to bed in hopes that sleep will improve my mood and my head. It is not lost on me that some of this may be related to getting older, but it seems that more of it is related to being burned out from having a month where both the day job and the writing job were more intense than usual - so hopefully I can recover this month before I do something I'll regret (like chopping off my hair, or developing a crack addiction). Goodnight!

you're my head start, you're my rugged heart

I don't have anything of substance to say about work today, other than that I was too exhausted to fully enjoy it (if 'enjoy' is the right word; it probably isn't, but I can't think of another). I think I finally, brutally hit the wall erected by last weekend's over-extended writing burnout, which has turned my brain to mush and given me a headache that won't die. Which was not the state that I would have preferred to be in to see my gynecologist this morning, but then, I never really want to see my gynecologist (even though she is a lovely woman who makes me laugh), so I suppose I might as well have spent an otherwise-useless morning subjecting myself to her tortures rather than to the tortures of my inbox.

sssanyway, after that, I went to the office, slogged for a few hours, and then rode home with Terry, during which it became apparently I was useless since I was mostly falling asleep on her. We stopped at the grocery store on the way home, so I bought myself a steak and a potato to eat tonight so that I wouldn't have to have an eccentric dinner at my favorite French place. And I decided that I was going to read a book tonight rather than contemplating the million things on my to-do list...which was a good idea. So I picked up Sherry Thomas's upcoming YA debut, THE BURNING SKY; I have had an advance copy since RWA but was saving it for a raining day, and this was it.

And I'm happy to report that it restored a bit of my happiness, even if my brain is too mushy to force back into usefulness. I finished the whole thing, as is my wont, and really enjoyed it, even if I'm not glad that I have to wait for the next two books in the series. But it made me eager to get back to my non-gargoyles book, so maybe I'll think about that tomorrow. Or maybe I'll stare, drooling, at the wall until my thoughts come back. Fun times all around. Goodnight!

the time has come to galvanize

I was totally wrecked all day today, but last night was worth it. I woke up at seven and couldn't go back to sleep, which means I was under-rested for my writing date this morning - but it allowed me to go down the street for some restorative huevos rancheros first, so that was good. Then I met up with Kathia and caught up with her for a bit before commencing zee work; I'm trying to plot the next novel on my list (featuring the villain in Prudence's story), and this is a good time to do it since I am trying to keep from opening Prudence and Alex's book so I can come back to it with fresh eyes next weekend. I didn't get very far this morning, but given that everything was spinning and I felt like death, the amount of progress I made was actually astonishing.

After writing, I came home, cleaned the kitchen to restore it to its former glory, and then took a nap. Then I talked to zee parents, who were in fine form, although it's like a million degrees there, which makes me feel silly for complaining about yesterday's one day of heat in San Francisco. The fog is back and I can hear the horns tonight, which is v. comforting. After talking to them, I ate some nachos (dinner of champions), watched some football with Terry (clearly I couldn't comprehend the thought of doing anything, since I had no desire to watch football), then came upstairs and took a v. restorative bubble bath. Then I made some notes on the not-so-secret young adult non-gargoyle book that I pick up and put away again in the breaks between my historical romances; I kind of want to finish it this year, but we'll see whether I have the time. And now that I've exhausted myself just thinking of it, I'm going to go to bed early so I can get nine hours of sleep before work tomorrow. Goodnight!

say my name, say my name

Double entendre. Ha!

Terry is v. transfixed by a football game...which was true three hours ago, when I began to write this blog post. I would like to claim that I am perfectly sober and reliable as a narrator of my own story, but that would require a leather jacket and a 'mission accomplished' banner, neither of which are easily procurable or accurate. So I will fill you in by saying that I had a birthday party/royal baby shower today, which went off with flying colors.

As usual, I way overextended myself and made way too much food, but this is not something I regret. As usual, Chandlord threw a drink down my shirt, then demanded to have cake (which I had no intention of baking). As usual, Adit called and feigned ignorance of my party, only to show up ninety seconds later. As usual, Heather (aka dear respected madam) was a v. good sport. As usual, Katrina didn't understand basic human sexuality. As usual, John made awkward sexual references to my fake baby doll (who was Prince George for the evening). As usual, Subz took me at my word and showed up with a fascinator, which was v. welcome.

So basically, as usual, everyone was totally ridic. I made a v. tasty champagne punch with cognac, triple sec, and grand marnier, which was dangerous and encouraged bad behavior. And bad behavior was easily achieved - this was one of zee most enjoyable nights I've had in quite some time, particularly since everyone turned my ham sandwich into a birthday cake and did a candle ceremony for me (in which everyone said something nice, then blew out their candle, which got dangerous for the last people to go since the candles were dangerously short by that point).

Post party, I went out with Adit and Priyanka, which was a mistake I was willing to live with. Then Priyanka and I talked for a bit before I uber'd it home like the fancy bitch I am. And now I must go to sleep - goodnight!

like a drum my heart never stops beating for you

I desperately need to get some sleep, so I really shouldn't be blogging - but if I hadn't forced myself to blog to the point of this becoming a mindless habit, I would never blog again. So I suppose you should be grateful? If 'grateful' is the right way to describe the feeling you should have when reading the drivel about my everyday life. I'm out of words, so you're going to have to settle for 'grateful' even if it's likely something v. different.

sssanyway, I took the shuttle down to the office this morning, slogged for several hours, had lunch with some people on zee team, and left at 2:15 so I could beat traffic to the city. Once here, I got my bangs trimmed and my brows waxed, then went to Target and Whole Foods, and then came home, where I was too tired to do anything I had planned to do. Oops.

But I rallied my energy levels and had dinner with Terry, as previously planned. We walked down to Chestnut to have dinner at the restaurant where I took my parents while they were here, but we stopped by the wine bar next door first to say hi to my friend Kathia, who plied us with wine in the fifteen minutes we had between our arrival and our departure. Then we had a lovely steak dinner (for me, at least; Terry was basically a vegetarian and ordered the chicken) and discussed Alex and Prudence's book. Terry read the draft yesterday and today and gave her feedback tonight, which was incredibly helpful. And I had three and a half glasses of wine, which was also helpful. Then we came home and I was going to do some drunk baking, but I thought better of it, so I'm going to go to bed and then get up and hit it all tomorrow. Goodnight!

it's where my demons hide

I made it onto the shuttle by 7:35 this morning, which was kind of miraculous given how tired I was, but the day went way better than I expected. I slogged (kind of), had meetings all afternoon, and then sat around on the couches near my desk and had champagne with some of my coworkers. I may or may not have had approximately half a bottle, which was awesome (I chose the champagne, so it wasn't swill), but it meant that I had to leave my car there and take the shuttle home, which means I have to go to Mountain View in the morning instead of working from home. Oops.

But things are good, even if I feel behind on everything - the book is off being reviewed by zee editor, stuff at work is progressing, and I seem on track to see some friends this weekend, so that's all great. Now, though, I am desperate for sleep and sad that I have to get up and catch the shuttle, so wish me luck with that. Goodnight!

lionheart

I think I desperately need a day away from all devices. Maybe a week, although I'm not going to get it. But today was particularly rough; I slogged v. aggressively until seven p.m., then was on call for something going on at work while I ate pizza and watched 'So You Think You Can Dance' with Terry (it's a sign of how tired I was that I actually watched it with her, since I usually avoid it at all costs). Then I came upstairs, spent some quality time washing my face with many and varied products, and then wrote ten pages to complete the scene that was still missing from Prudence and Alex's book. But I finished it, liked it, and sent the whole thing off to my editor - so it's done done, which is great, and just in time for me to take six hours off before needing to start edits so I can release it publicly at the end of October.

And now it's one a.m., and I had intended to get up five hours from now. I don't know if that's possible, but imma see what I can do. But yay for productivity! And I'm hatching a plan to have mimosas at work tomorrow, so at least I have that to look forward to. Goodnight!

my feet are still sore, my back is on the fringes

I should have gone to bed when I was tempted to two hours ago...stupid. Today was totally fine, but I'm in the middle of my writing hangover, which means that thinking is difficult and the last thing I want to do is stare at a screen. Sadly, I had to work, and I also had to write tonight (there is a scene I didn't finish that I want to insert for my editor), so I slogged all day, then came back to the evil city and went to my favorite French bistro, where they very efficiently plied me with steak and wine while I wrote some sexytimes.

The day wasn't all work, though - I had a delightful lunch with Chandlord, who helped me to eat less by spilling her water all over me and my half-eaten plate of food. Tanks! And I listened to music and stared out the window all the way home on the shuttle, which was good for my relaxation even if it wasn't good for my to-do list. And now I'm going to go to bed, wake up, and work from home in the morning, which hopefully means I'll get some stuff done. Goodnight!

my finger is on the button

Sorry for not blogging last night. Words have been in short supply for anything but the manuscript. But I'm DONE. Just in time to take twenty minutes off between my four-day working weekend and my upcoming four-day workweek. Hahahahahaha *dies*.

I'm alternating between loving and hating it, so I sent it off to the editor with both eagerness and total fucking trepidation. Eagerness because I want feedback; trepidation because there are some problems I currently sense and don't yet know how to fix, and I'm too tired/burned out/behind on the deadline to fix them. But at least it's off. I have to write another scene tomorrow to send to her as an insert, but that's like a walk in the park compared to the hundred pages I wrote in the last four days. Yes, I wrote a hundred pages. If I could write like that all the time I would be a machine, but I would be a dead machine, so it's good that I don't do that.

Anyway, yesterday and today were good if you're a hermit, bad if you're not. I did get out of the house last night to have dinner at Lauren and Nathan's, which was the only remotely fun thing I did this weekend (unless you count talking to my parents while sitting on the roof yesterday). I guess I went to Starbucks and got a tea at some point. And I had a conversation with the owner of Morning Due yesterday, so that was good. And I cleaned the drain filter in the washing machine. Yes, my life is v. exciting.

So, yay to being done, boo to having to go to work tomorrow, book to the ulcer that will probably form while I wait for my editor to get back to me and I consider all the ways I messed this up, yay to remembering all the great bits that I wrote. Goodnight!

sweet nothing

I wrote twenty-five pages today. That's amazing, but it was pretty brutal; I should have just not worked this morning and read a book or something instead, but I kept trying to force it, and as a result I burned out my eyes and also didn't get much done. But I managed to get my shit together and do some serious writing this afternoon and tonight. So hopefully I will remember this lesson tomorrow and just go for a walk or something.

But now I desperately need to sleep - hopefully I can finish the book tomorrow. I need to write four more scenes and do a full read-through, so I don't know if it's actually possible, but I'm going to try - I would dearly love to take Monday off. Goodnight!