I'm still sick; I left the office today around 2pm and slept for a couple of hours, which helped my congestion a lot. Unfortunately I'm left with a smashing headache and a cough that has settled into my lungs for what will probably be the long haul; whenever I get a cold, I end up with a cough that won't die. Sadly, there was some stuff that I absolutely had to take care of for work tonight, and so I came into the office around eight p.m. and have been here for the past three hours. It's fine in theory, since I slept ten hours last night and three this afternoon, which means that I'm not really tired, but I didn't get through all of the stuff I needed to do, and so I should wake up early tomorrow to come in and take care of it. Bleh.
In other news, I'm still considering buying a car, and I've realized that the choice of cars is mirroring my choice of lifestyles/careers/futures to an alarming degree. As I was telling Vidya on Sunday, I feel that I tend to think in absolutes; things are either good or bad, black or white, awesome or boring, euphoric or miserable, and I can't accept in-betweens. This is perhaps due to my mildly ridiculous personality, which also explains why I tend to either be v. happy or v. brooding with few stops on the safe middle ground of the emotional continuum. Anyway, this may explain why I am so annoyed with myself for being 'stuck' in what for all intents and purposes is actually a great job; I've tended to condemn peers who took the conventional path when they had the talent and ability to do 'better' things, and I tend to define 'better' to mean unconventional, risky, and exciting. So, due to the judgments that I've passed on others and my inherent sense of fairness, I feel the need to apply the same standards to myself, and I am finding my current 'conventional' life wanting.
Which means that, since I'm trying to decide between awesome or conventional, and I feel that I can't have it both ways, my current top car choices are mirroring that path; awesome in my mind is the Infiniti G35 coupe (expensive, but amazing), while conventional is the Honda CR-V crossover SUV. The funny thing that I just realized is that while the Infiniti is like 100 times more awesome than the CR-V, it is actually made for my current conventional lifestyle--if I take time off to go to Iowa, I would potentially have trouble driving a sporty rear-wheel-drive luxury coupe on snow and gravel. Conversely, I would be bored silly driving the CR-V in California, but it would be more suitable for driving cross-country. I'm so confused!
Vidya asked me on Sunday why I can't do both things that I love (in other words, make money and write books). And I suppose to some extent, I don't feel like I can do both because I see this as a huge, life-altering decision between the two. My absolutist thought processes follow the old adage about having and eating your cake - I think that I can have a career or I can follow my dreams, but I can't do both. Am I right? Probably not. But, until I overcome my mental block regarding writing while working, I'm still going to be conflicted and frustrated. Now, though, it's time for me to go to bed, and hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow. Goodnight!
1 comment:
Tata Motors Left hand drive? It would also work in Dublin. No authorized repair shops in Iowa.
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