you're hot then you're cold, you're yes then you're no

I spent significant time in the sun today -- but I don't think it was enough to kill off the virus that I've been harboring for the past few days, and I fear that I will succumb while traveling tomorrow. I had been feeling better, but tonight, my cold/flu/SARS/insert-other-melodramatic-disease-here returned, and I've started sneezing and coughing. Maybe I'm allergic to something, and I suppose that the thought of returning to work is what I'm allergic to...but I doubt that.

I had an epiphany during my fifth hour in the sun this afternoon; whether it was fueled by sunshine, dehydration, or the obnoxiously loud conversation of some awful teenagers near me (I vacated in suppressed outrage shortly after hearing one of them say that he'd gotten his expensive Maui Jim sunglasses from a dude who stole them from the pool kiosk and traded them to him for weed -- which made him feel comfortable saying that he had paid for them, which I found ridiculous), I do not know. But the epiphany was this: as much as I like to joke with Katie about going "off the grid", and as appealing as the idea of moving to Hawaii was during my first few days here, I'm not so sure it would be good for my writing. My hypothesis is that the majority of the people here are a) part of an ancient culture I do not understand, b) social drop-outs who are here to escape 'real' life, or c) vacationers stealing a fantasy out of their normal lives. That's not to say that everyone in Hawaii fits one of those three groups -- but those three groups predominate.

But I don't need the experience of other people's fantasies -- I daydream enough to fuel my writing for a lifetime without needing to observe the daydreams of others. What I need is life experience, the kind of messy, invasive mucking about that comes from things like relationships, chance encounters, the stories one hears from one's friends and coworkers, etc. And it's much easier to do that, at least for me given my initial shyness with strangers, in an area where the players are known and are all grounded in their own real lives.

So I guess I won't be going off the grid anytime soon. Or rather, if I do, it will be somewhere in the continental US -- which is also good, given my apocalyptic fantasies, since I don't want to be anywhere that is critically reliant on regular food deliveries from giant container ships. Maui is a fabulous place to visit, and I certainly hope to come back, but no one's going to lure me into buying a time-share here, despite the gorgeous beaches and perfect scenery.

That's pretty much it; I spent the morning mailing my books back to my apartment (since it was cheaper to mail them than to risk paying for an overweight bag), then checked into tomorrow's flight and was on the beach by 11am. I stayed there until almost five, succeeded in only slightly broiling myself, came back to my room to change, and watched the sunset by the pool while writing in my journal. I spent tonight packing, spreading aloe on my poor burned feet (I swear I slathered on the sunscreen several times today, but my feet apparently defeat all attempts to protect them), and generally getting ready to leave. By this time tomorrow, I'll be back in San Francisco! Goodnight!