Friday, May 13, 2016

come back baby, rock and roll never forgets

A year ago right now, I was on a plane bound for Bora Bora and my spinster honeymoon with Joann. That means that a year ago yesterday, I left my job. It's hard to believe it's been a year - and hard to believe that year was so hard, in a lot of ways, even though there were also wonderful and serendipitous and beautiful moments within the chaos.

Maybe I had to hit the anniversary to really feel like I'm cranking and moving forward - the writing has been going a lot better lately, and today was great despite not having a full day to devote to the words. But I was getting there before the anniversary - it was the first six months after leaving that were hard, and just as I was coming out of that, my personal drama ramped up, which was a totally shitty way to end 2015 (although losing weight because I was too angry to eat over the holidays was an interesting approach to holiday dieting! not recommended, but interesting!).

But then Hawaii + all the great things that have happened with my writing since then + trips to SLO/Guerneville/Sonoma/Iowa (with an inadvertent stop in Denver)/Milwaukee helped me to reset, and I'm in a much better place than I was. And that probably means I can't get a job again unless I'm confident that I want to stop writing full-time and never do it again - every time I leave a full-time job is a massive adjustment, and now that I'm over the mountain range and into the promised land, I can't self-sabotage that journey by getting a job and starting the clock from scratch.

[note: remind me to delete this post if I ever apply for a job]

So, if you were one of the people who helped me to get through all of that, thank you. It's been good to get my social life back since leaving work, and I'm pretty fortunate to have such a strong group of friends (even if those friends are reproducing like crazy and so can't go to Grubstake at three a.m. quite so often). And if you weren't one of the people who helped me get through all of that -- well, either I didn't expect you to, or I've already cut you. Cheers!

sssanyway. I've got the anniversary on my mind because I had drinks with several people I used to work with tonight; Viviana, Yune, Shannon, Jen, and I met up at Steins, which I hadn't been to since someone else's going away party over a year ago. I had mostly been avoiding hanging out with coworkers for the past few months because I felt like I needed more of a clean break than I had given myself, but it was really good to see them - they of course filled me in on all sorts of drama and gossip. And while I really do sometimes miss working with a team, and feeling like I'm working towards something with other people, it was a good reminder that there are also great things about my current life that I don't want to give up - like my freedom to travel and set my own schedule, and the fact that I don't have to deal with annoying people very often, and the fact that (other than the occasional personal drama) I'm a lot less angry than when I was working, since I have fewer things to stew over when I'm not dealing with interpersonal workplace drama.

So that was all good. And like I said, it was great to see them, even if the drive home was terrible (it took an hour at 8:45pm because there was an accident just before the city), and the drive down was also terrible. But the drive down was broken up because I met up for a writing date with Anne in San Carlos. We tried a Starbucks we'd never been to before (we could do that every day for a couple of months, probably), and it was quiet and conducive to writing, so that was great. Of course, we talked for like an hour, but that was good. And I got enough done between that session + all the writing I did from home this morning that it wasn't a total wash. I also had an idea for the narrative structure for SPINSTER HONEYMOON (the book, not last year's trip) that I need to play around with, but it was exciting enough that I wrote it down so I wouldn't forget it. I think I'll take some time to mess around with it soon, either while I'm waiting for feedback from my editor on my current project or right after this next book comes out - it's something I think I'm meant to write, and I don't want to wait too long to start.

And now, I think it's time for bed - today was fun, but I am hitting real crunch time with the deadline and it's time to get serious. Goodnight!

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