all my friends say that of course it's gonna get better

Today was pretty much awful again -- not as awful as yesterday, but the shock and horror of yesterday was replaced by rage and sadness today, while at the same time I felt required to keep it together so that I could "lead through the changes" with my team. The fact that I just started crying out of nowhere while taking care of some stuff a few minutes ago is a pretty good sign that I'm emotionally maxed out -- the highs and the lows of the past three days have been and continue to be so intense that I'm having trouble coping.

By 4pm, I was tapped out, so I decided to leave. I stopped at Starbucks to get caffeine for the road...and ran into Ziv, Vickie, Erin, Will, and Brittany, who were all on the team I managed before I took my leave of absence last year. I ended up hanging out with them until seven; it was really great to spend some quality time with them, particularly since Ziv went to law school and Will works out of San Bruno, which means I rarely see them. The quality time together was really good and I think I needed to hang out with people -- but at the same time, I feel more guilt and personal responsibility for my old team than I probably should, and so I was a bit of a mess on the way home, and so I'm going to go to bed early in hopes that some sleep will help me to recover my balance.

But, as with yesterday, the intense lows were balanced by intense highs. The agent who contacted me yesterday, and whom I sent my query letter and manuscript to, said she was really eager to read it and would get back to me by Monday if I promised not to accept other representation in the meantime. She may totally hate it, but her response today was good. I made an appointment with a photographer to get a real headshot next Tuesday, so I'm looking forward to spending money at Sephora this weekend (I realized in the photos that Katie took that my eyebrows sort of disappear halfway over my eyes, and while I do have a Sharpie and could draw them in, I would probably be better served by getting an eyebrow pencil). I also heard that one of my friends who I thought got let go yesterday was actually just the subject of an unfounded rumor, so that was a bit of relief in an otherwise-bleak landscape.

We'll see how tomorrow goes -- I'm kind of hoping for some boredom, because I don't think I can take a fourth day of new and surprisingly intense emotions in a row. At least the weather here will be lovely; perhaps I'll take a walk and let the crackheads in my neighborhood entertain me. Goodnight!