seven is the new eight

I'm excited that even though I have to get up at seven a.m. tomorrow, it will feel like eight a.m. - if only I could maintain that feeling forever! Even better, of course, would be not having to set an alarm at all, but as long as I'm still in corporate America, I suppose I will have to play by their rules.

The 'rules', of course, do not stop me from dressing as I please - I had my Q3 performance review today with my manager (also a director, and so one of the most powerful people in my department), and while I wore a somber black top and dark grey wool skirt, I accessorized the outfit with knee-high boots and green tights. Snazzy, eh?

The review went pretty well; most of it was really positive, which is nice, particularly since I have been working my ass off the past few months. The areas of 'constructive' feedback (which, since I'm self-critical, I always term 'things I suck at') were around my people management skills, which I initially found surprising - I feel that I have generally good relationships with my team and with my peers. However, after some quick reflection post-review, it makes sense - while I really like my team and feel like they like me back, I am not the most patient person in the world. And even though I idealize and idolize people who are able to strike exactly the right note when it comes to reading peoples' feelings, getting buy-in, etc., I am also very numbers/facts focused, and so I'm not easily swayed by peoples' feelings - I need to see evidence and make rational decisions, rather than changing my mind just because someone is upset. That's not exactly the warmest way to deal with things, and it's helped me to get a lot done, but I recognize that I risk alienating people or not doing enough to convince them because I tend to think I'm right about things.

The problem is that generally I am right about things, which is a horribly obnoxious thing to say, but in practice is often true. And so I can't really complain that I got feedback about it, because the feedback was completely accurate - it's more that I'm not sure how much energy I want to devote to changing myself. I do want to have a really strong and great rapport with my team, so I'm willing to make changes that will help them to feel more secure and supported, but I don't really see a lot of value in trying to build true consensus across dozens of managers on every single decision that I make. Or maybe I'm just being lazy, who knows.

Anyway, as I said, the review was good, but the crux of the issue is that I would rather be working on my romance novel than improving my business acumen, so we'll see what happens. Now, though, I should go to bed and save up my strength - I'm having dinner with friends tomorrow night to celebrate the end of this stage of Sri's thesis, and Adit will be there, which means I need all the energy I can get. I hope he's happy I referenced him! Now, it's time for bed.

 

dad conducting business from my patio - note the hello kitty calculator

 

me and mom

 

me and dad

 

the golden gate bridge from the vista point near sausalito

 

my parents on the terrace at gloria ferrer champagne caves

 

sonoma's mission san francisco solano

 

the end of the mission trail in sonoma

 

ruins at alcatraz

 

doesn't this look like the life?

 

nice warning

the carp of my dreams

Hello, dear reader - I am sorry that I have not written in the past few days. Work has been hectic, but my lack of communication has been more than that - there is so much that I want to say here that I cannot, perhaps out of a desire to self-censor, perhaps just because I do not know the full extent of my readership. Also, I find myself loath to log in to my computer at night, perhaps because I recognize how much time I waste online, and so want to minimize that wastage.

Amazingly, in the past two days, I have read two books. Real books, not romance novels (not to disparage the genre in which I intend to write, but I still have a love for 'real books'). Last night, I left work early, got a facial, and read 'Gentlemen of the Road' by Michael Chabon. He wrote 'The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay', which I need to go back and finish - I started reading it in the autumn of 2004, was in love with it, and then promptly became extremely depressed over the thread of the narrative in which one of the characters lost his family in the Holocaust and abandoned the book in favor of watching a marathon of 'The O.C.' Lame. Anyway, 'Gentlemen of the Road' was shorter, but quite beautiful - it follows two superficially-dissimilar, but similarly lonely men as they scheme together through various adventures and misadventures in Jewish Khazaria (now the area around the Caucasus and the Caspian Sea). In short, I loved it, and I want to read it again since I typically find that books which I love for their language are often even better on subsequent readings.

Today, I went to Mike's for breakfast, and then spent a few hours at Mike's and at Starbucks reading 'Tales of Moonlight and Rain' by Ueda Akinari. I had received this book from my parents for Christmas a year or two ago and had never gotten around to reading it, but I really enjoyed it. The book is a collection of short stories published in 1776 in Edo Japan, all of which have some supernatural/spiritual element. This translation included fairly detailed footnotes and introductions for each story, as well as a longer overall introduction to the history of the writer, the genre of literature, and the social context of Edo Japan. I had learned much of the social/literary context in my 'History of Japanese Pop Culture' class in college, and so it was a nice refresher to read the intro - and now I have a longing to go to Japan, see the shrines and the countryside, and experience a culture that I can never actually be a part of.

Speaking of alien cultures, I spent the evening with Subz (aka Lauren) watching 'The Darjeeling Limited'. I had wanted to see it for awhile, but I'm glad I saw it with Lauren - since we were in India together, and since Wes Anderson has such a passion for minute details, it was nice to watch and notice all of the little things that he got so perfectly. The movie was really good - not as funny, necessarily, as some of his other stuff, but heartbreaking in a good way. We went out for drinks and appetizers afterwards, and spent a couple of hours catching up, which was lovely.

Now, though, I think I'll go to bed - I have work to do tomorrow, and Monday will come all too soon. Goodnight!

jubilation, she loves me again

I had quite a lovely Halloween, at least at work - at my company, dressing up for Halloween is practically mandatory, which means that most people don't get much done because they're too busy either admiring others' costumes or adjusting their own. I was somewhat productive today, but since most of my manager-type meetings occur on Wednesdays, it was particularly entertaining to see all sorts of managers in ridiculous outfits. I followed through on my Halloween costume plans - I was Toucan Sam, since my team dressed as cereal characters. It turned out well, if I do say so myself - I had bird feet slippers, canary yellow tights, a blue sweater dress, an absurd blue and green feather boa, and my homemade papier-mache toucan beak. I was able to affix it to my face by tying it carefully around my head with ribbons, but since most of the weight of the mask was supported by the bridge of my nose, and since there wasn't sufficient air circulation to ensure a steady supply of cool, fresh air, I only wore the beak while walking around, or when first entering a meeting. This meant that people who saw me for the first time got the full impact in all its glory, but I could still contribute to the discussions in the meetings without sounding muffled/passing out from lack of oxygen. This was definitely the best Halloween costume I've pulled together in years, so I was pretty pleased.

However, I stayed at work really late getting stuff done, and so did not partake in the usual Halloween revelry. I don't know why I say 'usual' - I haven't partaken in Halloween revelry since college, really, at least not on Halloween night. But anyway, I slogged, then came home, and now I'm going to bed. The week's already half over, which is unbelievable. Goodnight!

you don't have to choose

I have a smashing headache all of a sudden, so I think I should go to bed. Maybe the headache is brought on by sheer disappointment that I didn't feel the earthquake tonight - there was a 5.6 earthquake northeast of San Jose, and I didn't feel a damn thing. There was a moment where I felt lightheaded, but I thought it was just because I was hungry. It probably was, too, since I don't know if that was exactly when it occurred. Lame!

Or, perhaps it was from breathing the fumes of the mask that I made for my Halloween costume as I tried to figure out a way to affix it to my face. I don't think I can wear it much tomorrow, since it's rather heavy and difficult to talk through, but it will look good, so I suppose that's all that matters.

Today was a fine day at work - is it bad that I was happy that one of my direct reports was sick, since it meant I could reschedule our 1:1 and have one free hour during the day? Tomorrow promises to be more of the same - lots of meetings, starting at eight a.m., followed by the company Halloween party in the afternoon, followed by a vain attempt by me to get through the crushing amount of email still waiting in my inbox. The thought is making my headache get worse, so I think it's time for bed!

the world is not enough

I guess I haven't blogged in awhile - with my parents visiting, there isn't the pressure to ensure that they know that I'm alive, and they wore me out every day with all of our touring. We had a great time, though! Friday, we went to the city and toured Fishermen's Wharf and Alcatraz (which was v. cool - I'm glad I saw it after only eight years in California), and then did a driving tour of Chinatown, Financial District, the crookedest street (Lombard Street), etc. I took them to my favorite Mexican restaurant in Mountain View for dinner, which they both hated, so that made me sad. Saturday, we drove up to Sonoma, which was v. lovely - the weather was perfect, and we had fun doing the same Benziger tram tour that I did w/Ritu and Maneesh oh-so-long ago :( We also had some delicious champagne at Gloria Ferrer and stopped at a vista point to see the Golden Gate Bridge just before sunset. I redeemed myself with dinner at Left Bank, which was lucky - I'm glad I was forgiven for the Mexican debacle. Sunday, we had brunch at Marie Callendar's, picked up a new battery for my old car, and then watched my dad calculate a bid for a project using my absurdly-large, absurdly-pink Hello Kitty calculator (a gift from my Aunt Becky).

My parents left around 3:30 to drive back to Iowa, and I spent the rest of the afternoon at Laura's, making a papier-mache toucan beak for my Halloween costume. Today, I slogged at the office until after nine p.m., came home, painted my mask, and then worked from 10-12. I also had a lovely chat with my friend Adit, who is really everything that one could want in a friend - yes, he pressured me to write about him in this blog, but he is v. endearing despite (or perhaps because of) his need for affection. He had told me that he was going to stay with me tonight, and then dashed my hopes by finding accommodation with Sri, but it was still nice to talk to him on the phone for a bit. Now, though, I should really go to bed - this week is going to be hellish, and I need to maintain a bit of my well-restedness from the past few days. Goodnight!

all i've torn, all i've run to the ground...broken down, come mend it all

My parents arrived today! I had meant to work late tonight, but it didn't happen; instead, I did some cleaning and went to bed around eleven. I woke up this morning and continued to boycott work, but my apartment looks v. nice - I even bought flowers (lovely orange-tipped yellow roses, green bells of Ireland, a sunset lily, and some gorgeous dark-red mums) to jazz up my living room.

I made it to the airport in time to pick my parents up. In fact, I was early enough that I had time to read some of the book I brought with me - it's called 'Regency Etiquette', and is a reprint of an early 1800's book called 'The Mirror of Graces'. It was kind of depressing, actually; the authoress is rather annoying, and at one point she said something about how there are some girls who have little to recommend them physically (i.e. they're ugly), but a good mother will point out one of her own, hopefully uglier, friends who has managed to marry a guy because she is sweet and amiable, and use this to show the girl that it's possible to get married as long as she bends over backwards to be appealing in other ways. Great advice! There are also some awesome early-1800s cosmetics recipes in the back, which I shall perhaps reproduce for you one day.

After my parents arrived, we went to Peter's Cafe (best place on Earth!) in downtown Millbrae for a late lunch. Then we chilled at my place for awhile, before I took them into my office and gave them an abbreviated tour. They managed to meet all three of my directors at the same time, and two of the three directors gave them a hard time for encouraging me to move back to Iowa someday, which I found amusing. Then, we had dinner on campus with Laura, since she had expressed interest in meeting them. It was quite entertaining - I really like Laura and my parents, and they all seemed to get along rather well, even as it became apparent that Wamplers everywhere are known for being stubborn, sarcastic, and slyly manipulative, as well as suicidally independent and socially disengaged. My dad even quoted Harvey Danger's line 'I've been around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding', and I was even more amused wheN Laura said that I think that too, even though I don't think I've overtly expressed that sentiment, so I guess it comes across even though I don't mean it to. Oh well, I didn't want to be friends with most of humanity anyway.

Now I should really go to bed - given the time change and my parents' already absurd sleep patterns, they'll probably wake up around 3am, and since I'm sleeping on the couch and they have my bedroom, I'll probably wake up when they do. We're going up to the city tomorrow to see Alcatraz, Fishermen's Wharf, etc., which should be fun. But for now, it's time for bed!

i'll fight for every breath until there's nothing left of us

I'm glad to hear that Walter's parents and Tammy are both safe from zee fires, although it was amusing to note their different priorities in terms of things packed in case of emergency. It would have been even better if Alan was saving his Balenciaga collection, but Tammy's reference to the Loro dorm shirt was pretty winning.

I had a great day at work today, even though it started at 7:30. I was also vaguely overheated the entire day - I had received knee-high boots from Zappos earlier this week and really wanted to wear them with this cute wool skirt, and so I wore the outfit even though it was nearly eighty degrees today. It's usually cool in the office, but I ended up having lunch outside with Subz and so wanted to die. But, it was totally worth it, and I love my boots, so it was all good. I came home tonight with the intention of working for several hours, but instead ended up doing laundry, cleaning out my rav4, cleaning my floors, and eating dinner. My parents are coming tomorrow, and I can't look like I live in complete squalor, so I tidied up. I guess this means I'll just have to get up tomorrow morning and work before I pick them up at the airport, but it's okay. Now, though, I'm going to go to bed and catch some much-needed sleep before the weekend starts. Goodnight!

and if i had my chance i would never let you go

Alan/Ellen (aka Walter's parents) and Tammy (aka tammmmmmeh)- are you and your families okay?

I don't have much of substance to report tonight. I went to work, where I worked. I spent some lovely time with Heather (aka dear respected madam), my former manager/fellow expat in Hyderabad, which was v. nice - it was good to see her without having to go to the evil city (aka San Francisco) to do so. I also left work early and had dinner with Terry, which was good for my psyche even if it wasn't good for my productivity. I came home, worked a bit, read up on Scotland, and now I'm ready to go to bed. I have a meeting at 7:30am, which is just brutal, so I should really get some sleep.

Two future plans, though, before I go to bed:

1) I think I want to spend some time in Scotland in the next few months - I was reading up on the Highlands in my Great Britain guidebook, and there are some lovely places that I could get to by bus that are then so remote that bed and breakfasts are really cheap. I could finally follow through on my dream of going to Orkney! And in any case, some quality time in Scotland would be great research for my novel, and possibly tax deductible if I keep the receipts and publish the damn thing.

2) My parents arrive Thursday! I'm debating switching the order of activities and going to SF on Friday and wine country on Saturday instead, since driving up to Napa and back in rush hour doesn't sound fun, and we can get tickets for Alcatraz and do touristy things with fewer tourists in SF on Friday. But, this is all open for debate with the parents, who are going to be subjected to my tyranny for a couple of days. I can't wait!

That's all for now - goodnight!

i just want something...something for nothing

Today was a slogging kind of day...one of those days where half of the emails coming into my inbox filled me with a kind of sick dread without even opening them. Isn't that sad? But, I had lunch with a couple of fellow old-schoolers; we sat in the back of the cafe and groused about our lives like a bunch of jaded seniors. Given that my four-year anniversary is this coming Thursday, the analogy works pretty well. However, in both high school and college, my parents had to pay for my lunch, while this was free and significantly tastier - I had a nice premade turkey sandwich with provolone, roasted peppers, and olives, with a side of vegan black bean chili (surprisingly good - even for an Iowan like me who typically views vegan food with complete disdain). So, yes, I'm spoiled.

All in all, life isn't really that bad - I'm just not particularly excited about most of it. But, I am excited to see my parents! I was chatting with Emily (one of the directors) today, and mentioned that they were coming out - and she asked if we could convince them to move out here so that I wouldn't be tempted to move back to Iowa. I just laughed - the idea of my parents moving to California is rather ridiculous to even contemplate. It was funny that she said that, though - clearly I talk about Iowa too much. Now, though, I should go to bed so that I can continue the slog tomorrow. Goodnight!

i pack my case, i check my face...i look a little bit older, i look a little bit colder

My good friend Vidius Chandicus is asleep on my loveseat. The couch is empty, but she refused to sleep on it - perhaps the smaller, more intimate loveseat reminds her of the comfort of the womb? She was also inexplicably loath to look at the mysterious bumps still plaguing my lower back - they're not quite as bad as they were earlier in the week, and the swelling has gone down, but they still hurt whenever they're touching something (which is, of course, whenever I sit or lie down in a normal lounging position).

Anyway, Vidya is shamelessly using me for my couch - it's funny that I am more frequently used for my space in Palo Alto than I use people for their spaces in the city. Usually it's the other way around - most people my age on the Peninsula inevitably end up crashing in the city once in awhile. However, since I despise the place, I usually drive home after spending an evening up there - minimizing the time spent in the evil city is a good way to mitigate the risk of being stabbed.

My parents, however, should not worry - they're coming here on Thursday! And while I typically talk up the evilness of the city, it's really pretty safe, so they should ignore the previous paragraph.

This weekend was pretty low-key. I went up to the evil city on Friday night to have dinner with Jasmine and Michael; due to a combination of leaving late, encountering heavier-than-usual traffic, and circling for almost thirty minutes looking for parking, I was an hour and a half late to dinner. Luckily they were running behind, so they were just finishing the preparations when I arrived. Michael had made a delicious seafood soup (replete with scallops, one of my favorites), and so we ate and reminisced and generally had a lovely time. I also managed the five-block walk back to my car late at night without getting raped or stabbed, thus exceeding my expectations.

The rest of the weekend was spent either preparing for my parents' arrival (by doing some cleaning - which I inexplicably decided meant 'filing my papers' - so my file cabinet is more organized than it's been in a year, while my kitchen and bathroom still need scrubbed) or playing Civilization IV. Yes, I reinstalled Civilization, which was a horrible mistake - I install it every once in awhile, play long enough that I end up destroying my life and my sanity, and then promptly uninstall it again. It didn't destroy my whole weekend, and I still got things done, but it was perhaps regrettable.

Okay, I should really go to bed - the next three days are going to be a hard and brutal slog through my rapidly-exploding minefield of a to-do list before my parents arrive on Thursday. Wish me luck!

i got the green light, i got a little fight, i'm gonna turn this thing around

Today, I slogged, of course. It was a decent day, though, and I figured out what I'm going to be for Halloween - Toucan Sam! It fits in with a group theme that my team at work is doing (dressing up for work is virtually mandatory). I ordered a pair of bird-feet slippers and yellow tights online; now, I just need to track down the rest of it. I think that I can make a beak out of some styrofoam cups glued together and painted, perhaps, although it won't have the same shape as a toucan beak - any ideas? I also need to find a cheap blue dress or something and some feathers. But, I'm quite excited to actually know with nearly two weeks to spare, unlike usual, so I should be able to put something together.

After slogging, I had dinner with Terry, in which I had waaaay too many chips with my enchiladas. Then, I came home, recovered on the couch while watching some Tivo, and then worked/read email for the past couple of hours. I don't know how I get so much email - I get at least 100 messages a day, and I usually send ~20. Which I suppose explains how I get so much email, since I generate a lot. But if I don't check email every day, I quickly begin to drown. I've done a much better job of keeping it down than I have in the past - I reached the point earlier this summer where I had hundreds of unread, and somewhat important, messages just sitting, waiting until someone cared enough to resend it to me. Bleh.

I think I'm going to go write in my journal for awhile, and then go to bed so that I can get up and do it all again. I hope that you all have a lovely night! And to Adit, thanks so much for the heartfelt messages - you really are a light in a cold and heartless world. Goodnight!

sean connery!

Michael Caine said on Craig that the way he met Sean Connery was on the set of 'South Pacific' (which, as you former Loro residents will know, was Sean Connery's first break into acting). They saw each other at a party two days later, where Michael Caine claims that he had two girls and Sean had none, which is how they met.

However, I know Sean Connery better than Michael Caine does - Michael Caine claimed that Sean Connery was Mr. Scotland but didn't compete in the Mr. Universe pageant because he did 'South Pacific' instead. That's not true - Sean Connery place third in the Mr. Universe pageant. How sad is it that I remember that?

Okay, that's it - I will take my memories of Sean Connery and go to bed.

sargon, hammurabi, ashurbanipal, and gilgamesh

I still love Craig Ferguson. I'm watching Monday night's episode of his show, in which Michael Caine guest-starred - those of you who lived in Loro will of course remember him as one of Sean Connery's best friends. In his honor, Craig pre-taped a sketch in which he impersonated both Michael Caine and Sean Connery reenacting the orgasm-in-the-diner scene from 'When Harry Met Sally'. Instant classic!

The title of my post tonight is also from an episode of Craig - or rather, from the song performed by 'They Might Be Giants' on an episode last week. They wrote a song called 'The Mesopotamians', imagining four ancient Mesopotamian kings as an invisible rock band. I haven't listened to a lot of their music, but anyone who makes a joke in a song about how someone's hair makes them look 'Mohenjo-Daren' is pretty frickin great.

Okay, I'm a dork, but you knew that.

Today was fine; I sat in completely useless meetings until almost noon, then had a nice rest of the day. Lauren (my former manager) was visiting from Boston from the day, and we managed to have lunch together, which was great. I ended up staying in the office until almost 10:30pm because I had a lot of stuff to catch up on, but I feel better about what I've gotten done as a result. Now, I should really go to bed - I have a meeting tomorrow morning at 8am, which is unfortunate, but my day after 11am looks pretty good. I hope that you are all similarly lucky! Goodnight!

o tannenbaum

For some reason, tonight I am really looking forward to Christmas. I really am just like a little kid - Christmas is still over two months away, but it's one of my favorite times of the year. What isn't there to love? Fun with the family, great food, decorations that bring back memories of times gone by, awesome presents...and the inevitability that something ridiculous will happen. You know how much I love ridiculous things, so any time when multiple people get together to celebrate something always brings the chance for a great memory.

Work was fine today, although unexciting; I had to be there at 8am for a conference call for a project that I'm no longer working on, and spent the rest of the day in meetings to make up for the fact that I stayed home sick yesterday and canceled those meetings. I spent some quality time with Laura this evening - we didn't end up making crafts, but we did discuss work and life while eating dinner from one of the cafes on campus, so that was nice. Then I came home, and while I should have done some work, I boycotted instead, surfed the net, and watched my tivo'd copy of last night's 'How I Met Your Mother.' Have I mentioned again how much I love my Tivo?

Adit is not staying with me tonight, which means I have the place to myself. It also means that I can periodically lift my shirt up and examine the weird swelling bumps on the lower left side of my back - it looks like I was bitten twenty times by a small spider or something. It doesn't really hurt hurt, it's just annoying, and it does hurt when it rubs up against something. Ugh. But it's not nearly as bad as the spider bite that my friend Jenni had in South Africa, which she popped in the bathroom one night at three a.m., shooting so much bloody pus on the mirror that it looked like she'd thrown strawberry yogurt at it with a spoon, and leaving a hole in her arm so large that she could have fit a jelly bean in the crater. Ew, right? And now that I have shared that lovely image with you, it's time for bed!

wamp wamp - what it do, what it do

There's this rap song called 'Wamp Wamp (What It Do)', where 'wamp' is pronounced so that it rhymes with 'lamp'. Annoying! But my friends seem to love it, and expressed their love for me as well by playing it at brunch on Saturday. Isn't that nice of them?

Speaking of friends, Adit is over again tonight - he has an early meeting tomorrow, and so didn't want to go back up to the city. So I suppose this technically qualifies as 'family time', since he distracted me from working on my romance novel while he ironed his shirt on my couch, made me IM w/Vidya about his plans for the weekend, and ate my cereal. It's nice to see him again though, despite all of that - he makes me laugh even when he's at his most obnoxious, so he's probably good practice for raising a toddler someday.

Today was okay; I had a headache and so stayed home from work, and so got to see the first episode of Drew Carey hosting 'The Price is Right' without even having to tivo it. It was one of those rare perfect episodes where everyone's a winner - I wonder if they threw it for his first 'Price is Right' episode? He was good, but it was strange not to see Bob Barker. I must say, though, that I'm glad they kept the yodeling dude - I love him.

I did some work in the afternoon after my headache had cleared up a bit, and then I worked on my romance novel for awhile. I managed to write 3000 words this evening - if I could maintain that pace, it would only take me twenty days to finish my novel. And those wouldn't be full days either - this was probably around 3-4hrs of work. Clearly I'm missing my calling in life.

Okay, thinking about how I'm missing my calling is making my head hurt - I think it's time for bed!

tell me life is beautiful

I may have done too much of a hard sell last night, claiming that you would be treated to strange and wondrous tales if you returned tonight. However, I did have a nice weekend, even if it was neither strange nor wondrous.

On Friday evening, I went up to the evil city to see Vidya. She was dogsitting for her sister, who has adopted an extremely needy retired greyhound - an interesting houseguest to have in a highrise studio apartment. Then again, I am an interesting houseguest to have in a highrise studio apartment, but since I do not sniff my friends' asses, I believe that I am to be preferred. Unless you're in to that kind of thing, in which case Vidya's sister will likely need a sitter again someday, so you should call her. Anyway, Vidya and I went down the block to get some takeout Chinese - and it wasn't until after we had returned to the apartment (and I had eaten one of the eggrolls) that we discovered that we had been given the wrong order. So we trudged back to the Chinese place, greyhound in tow, to return the food and get our real order. Then we spent the rest of the evening talking, watching television, and shooing the dog away from our noodles.

After leaving Vidya's, I made a stop at Safeway and procured ingredients for Saturday brunch. Emily had called me earlier in the evening and we had agreed to have brunch on Saturday with our other friends who were in town for reunion weekend, but I decided that it would be nice if I made lunch so that we could hang out at my place as long as we liked without having to stand in line anywhere, be appropriately subdued (not that we pull that one off very often), or get ushered out if the place was busy. So I spent some quality time at one a.m. cooking some sausage for a breakfast casserole (thanks to Aunt B for the recipe, and to my mom for emailing it to me since I couldn't find my paper copy!). Adit came home from a night of partying around 2:30, so I didn't go to bed until after three.

Yesterday morning, I got up and made a blueberry cream cheese pound cake, and chopped potatoes, peppers and onions for some home fries (which didn't really fry up right - they were cooked and they were tasty, but they weren't crispy enough because I didn't use the right pan). The mixing and chopping probably weren't good for Adit's possible hangover (not that he admitted to having one), but he survived. We ended up having quite the crowd - Emily (in from New York), John, Jess, Oniel, Adit, Marina (in from Cyprus - I hadn't seen her in at least three years), Folkman (whom I hadn't seen in probably eighteen months), and Anthony (John's friend from high school). This meant nine people at breakfast, and I only have seven chairs, so two of us had to sit on my end tables. But, fun seemed to be had by all - I had a great time catching up with people, particularly when Folkman started recounting how his wife (Kristen, my freshman academic advisor), who is a small-animal vet, did this procedure on a cat without knowing how to do it, so she cut it open, took a picture with her cellphone, and texted it to the top vet in her practice. Isn't that great? The cat miraculously survived, and it sounds like Folkman and Kristen are happy, which is excellent. It was also good to see both Emily and Marina; I'd seen Emily at Zach's wedding but didn't talk to her much there, and Marina's a facebook friend, but we haven't really stayed in touch since she moved back to Europe after graduation.

So after brunch, all of those kids left to go to reunion activities (except Oniel - he's too cool for school, so went home to watch football). I spent the afternoon cleaning up my kitchen, finally putting up my bookshelf from when I reorganized my bedroom two months ago, and watched some tivo. This morning, I hung out with Adit and Katrina for awhile (Adit brought Katrina back with him because she didn't want to drive to the city, and he was v. apologetic about it - apparently when he asked if he could stay with me, I had said 'yes, as long as you don't bring any of your dirty friends with you' - I had forgotten that, and Katrina isn't dirty anyway, but it's amusing that he remembered). After they left, I went to Mike's for a leisurely late brunch, where I wrote in my journal for an hour or so. I spent the afternoon talking to my parents, cleaning my closet and watching Tivo. Isn't my life exciting?

I did a lot of brooding in my journal today, but I think that the time for brooding is done. I'm hoping that this week at work won't be too awful - I should have worked this weekend, but I'm boycotting it because I can't remember anything pressing that I absolutely had to do, and tomorrow will come soon enough. But I want to get out of work at a reasonable hour every night this week so that I can come home and work on my romance novel. Will that happen? I do not know. But you can wish me luck in my attempts!

Ears!

I know that I am overdue for a blog post, but I am too exhausted
tonight to bother. Loyal reader, please come back tomorrow, when I
shall update you on the many strange and wonderous things that
happened this weekend. Until then, goodnight!

into the ocean, end it all

I had a good day today, despite the fact that I was at work. I had to present to our all hands meeting, which involved standing up in front of several hundred people and making a presentation, but it went rather well. I was saddened, however, when I ate a lot of avocado on my turkey sandwich today and my lips and mouth started itching/burning; I've been in denial about the possibility that I have a reaction to avocadoes, but I suppose I need to go forward with my months-old goal of getting tested for all of my possible allergies. It just makes me sad, though, which is why I've been avoiding it. After the presentation, I spent the rest of the afternoon catching up on email, hanging out with my team, and generally celebrating the end of the presentation until my conference call at 7:30. Then I came home, boycotted work, and spent a couple of hours watching Tivo - I watched the first two episodes of 'Pushing Daisies' (good so far, about a guy who can bring people back to life, but with major strings attached), as well as an episode of '30 Rock'.

Yesterday was good too; I had many meetings, and then I came home and ate Indian food with Terry while watching last week's episode of 'Moonlight' (the new vampire show on CBS). It's really quite terrible, and not even in a fun, schticky 'this is so bad it's good' way - this is just really bad. I'm going to give it another couple of episodes to find itself, but I'm horribly disappointed.

Today was not really a day that I wanted to be at work; while the preso went well and things are actually quite good at the office, I'm tired of how much work is consuming my life. I need to do something about it, even though I also feel the competing need to work this weekend on some stuff. However, the weekend should be good; Adit's staying with me, I'm going up to Vidya's to watch tv tomorrow night, and I may or may not see Emily and some of the other people who are around for Stanford's alumni homecoming this weekend. On that note, I think I shall go to bed and conserve my energy for the weekend. Goodnight!

i wish i knew another way, but we're gonna have to clone you

Well, my friends, Iowa was fun. I got to see all sorts of family members, eat a lot of hearty Midwestern food (including ham, my favorite), and had the pleasure of topping it off with a seventy-mile drive through a thunderstorm at five a.m. to get back to the airport on Monday. Consequently, I was exhausted last night and missed Adit's birthday party, since I was afraid I would fall asleep while driving to/from the city. Instead, I stayed home, watched a bit of tivo, and slept for over ten hours. Doesn't that sound like fun?

Today, I had meetings most of the day, but I stayed at work for dinner and had some delicious steak and mashed potatoes while reading my email, so that was lovely. Then I came home, watched some tivo while doing some more work, and now I'm going to bed.

Based on this pattern, any six-year-old could guess what I'm going to do tomorrow! However, there's a slight variation to the theme - Terry's going to come over and we're going to watch Tivo together (namely, last week's episode of 'Moonlight', that ridiculous vampire show on CBS). Yes, I know, I have terrible taste.

That's all for now - I leave you with a link to my photo album for some of the pics I took while in Iowa: http://picasaweb.google.com/sarawampler/IowaRiggsReunion. Goodnight!

roland the headless thompson gunner

My parents know that I'm alive, which has limited the incentive to blog this weekend - but I thought that you, my small but loyal cadre of readers, might care to verify as well. The post that I wrote on Friday was mostly fictitious - I was actually sitting in the San Francisco airport, waiting to catch a flight back to my native land. My maternal grandmother's four sisters were having a reunion of sorts in my hometown, and I decided to go back and surprise everybody. My brother was in on the secret, by my parents were quite surprised when I strolled into the kitchen around noon yesterday, after arriving in Des Moines and renting a car for the seventy-mile drive south.

It was really good to see everybody; the aunts are all in their eighties, and it's unlikely that all four of them will get together again, so I'm glad I came home. It was also nice to sleep in my room and not spend any time at all sorting or throwing away remnants of my childhood. And, in other news, Minnesota is producing some drinkable wine, as evidenced by the bottle of red wine that one of my mother's cousins brought. So, all in all, it was great, although I have to get up at four a.m. to shower, say goodbye, and drive to the airport to catch my flight back to California. As soon as I get there, I have meetings all afternoon, and then I have to drive back to the evil city for dinner for Adit's birthday. Boo. So I suppose I should go to bed - I'll write again tomorrow!

my crazy angel

I'm so stupid - I really should have gone to bed, but I adore my Tivo, and so I watched all sorts of crap. Granted, it was sans commercials, so it was a more efficient watching of crap than usual. My favorite thing is that I've been tivo'ing various episodes of 'Man vs. Wild' - that guy is insane. He was formerly the British equivalent of a Navy SEAL, and now he does this show for the Discovery Channel in which he thrusts himself into various completely ridiculous wilderness survival experiences. I had the privilege of watching him fill a water bottle with his own urine to use it as a hot water bottle when he was freezing; I also got to watch a rather visceral skinning of a deer that he found dead in the Scottish Highlands. He wrapped himself in the skin directly after skinning it, which seemed to be pretty foul, but I guess that's why he would survive and I would just curl up in a ball and wait for death.

However, I did do various productive things tonight, such as laundry, which means I won't do it later this weekend. That's a good thing - I have tons of work to do, and I have no real faith in my ability to get it all done. That's particularly true since I haven't slept much this week, so I should really sleep now and attempt to regain my stamina. Goodnight!

tomorrow's just a future yesterday

Well, today was miserable. I spent six hours staring at excel spreadsheets, trying to match up various versions of fifteen different spreadsheets into one amalgamated thing with multiple charts and graphs, which made my head hurt. Then I had meetings the rest of the day. But, I had dinner w/my friend Joann, who is a fellow old-schooler (we started within three weeks of each other), and that was fun. Afterwards, I came home and worked from 9pm until now, while watching various tivo'd things in the background. Now, I have to go to bed - sorry that this is one of the lamest posts ever :(

But, that frowny-face reminds me of how I completely lost it by the end of the day. I was sitting in a working meeting and showing a couple of people how you can use formulas in excel to show whether someone is meeting their goal, and I wrote a quick and easy formula that changed a cell to 'yay!' or 'boo :(' depending on the goal. Then we all laughed uproariously, no doubt because we were all insane. Anyway, on that note, it's time for bed!

secret secret, i've got a secret

I'm Kilroy!

No, that's not true. It is a reference to Styx's epic song 'Mr. Roboto'. I went through a serious Styx-loving phase in high school; while I have since moved on to other things, the vocoder and electronica influences in 'Mr. Roboto' are enough to keep me enthused about it despite (or perhaps because of) its ridiculously campy lyrics and sound.

Today was a pretty good day - I had several 'important' meetings (where importance is measured by the relative seniority of the other people in the meetings, not the topics of discussion), and so I fought the corporateness of my life by wearing pigtails. Laura and Alan complimented my 'sassiness' when we chatted for a few minutes at lunchtime; for those of you not in the know, Alan and Laura are both directors and Alan is my manager, but they are both pretty cool. I'm clearly spoiled - I can't work anywhere else in corporate America, given my tastes in colors and hair styles.

I also had an 'ohmigosh i'm so spoiled' moment tonight when I went to the fridge at work to get a drink and I had a vague sense of regret that they've reformed the snack rooms - while we still get ridiculous quantities of free stuff, including high-end beverages like Smartwater, various teas and vitaminwaters, etc., I was sad when I remembered that I can no longer get the apple-shaped single-serving bottles of Martinelli's apple juice. At least I recognize that I'm spoiled, right?

After work, I came home and made myself some danged quesadillas, which were delicious. I also watched last night's episode of Craig Ferguson. Seriously, Tivo has completely changed my life - I should have gotten it a year ago. Craig's monologue last night was really funny - he spent a lot of time going off about cavemen, and made a ridiculously crude/funny joke about the Lascaux cave paintings in France. Which reminds me - in Monday night's episode, he made some comment about how Budapest is really two separate cities (Buda and Pest) separated by a river (which is true) - but he said it to Juliette Lewis, who thought he was teasing her. I think I love him because he clearly knows a lot of random stuff - that and he has a gorgeous accent and an amazing sense of comedic timing. I also love that when he does flashbacks of himself, even if the 'flashback' is to earlier in the day, he puts on a darker wig. He's so strange!

Okay, I should really go to bed - I have tons to accomplish tomorrow. Goodnight!

set an open course for the virgin sea

Sorry that I didn't blog yesterday - this week is shaping up to be truly brutal. I had hoped to go to the evil city to see 'Into the Wild' with Vidius Chandicus (the originator of the daily gratuitous instant message, which I have received both yesterday and today), but I had to work late and go into the office v. early this morning. Today, I worked all day, and then had dinner at Miyake with my friend Kim. She is leaving for India next week on a three-month business trip, and so I let her pick the restaurant - and it was quite amusing. I hadn't been there in years, but even on a Tuesday night, they're still pouring sake bombs for anyone who wants them. Their sake bombs are accompanied by flashing colored lights and overly-loud rap music, although the fog machine was not in use tonight as it was several years ago. Anyway, it was good to see Kim, even though I came home and worked from 9-12.

However, due to the wonders of Tivo, I'm going to go to bed rather than staying up and watching 'Craig Ferguson'. I also watched 'Boston Legal' in the background of my work, but got to skip the commercials. I'm really loving this thing - it's clear that I should have gotten it ages ago. Everyone I mention my Tivo to at work exclaims that it will revolutionize my life, and they ain't kiddin'.

Now, though, I should go to bed - I have meetings almost straight through tomorrow, and I have 144 emails piled up in my inbox that I have no hope of getting through anytime soon. Bleh. For now though, it's time to sleep!

every rose has its thorn

Apologies for not blogging yesterday - as usual, I did nothing on Saturday night and yet didn't have the energy necessary to write. I had written in my journal, which obviated the need for expressing my thoughts online. Yesterday was good, though. I went to Sunnyvale to see part of Roopa's classical Indian singing performance. It was v. good, although since I don't understand the words, I didn't get as much out of it as some audience members probably did. However, it did make me homesick for Hyderabad. Or, perhaps as Vidya pointed out, I'm just 'homesick' for travel in general - I haven't gone anywhere interesting since I went to Ukraine in May, and while trips to Salt Lake, Tahoe, and Iowa were fun, they weren't really classic adventures. I think I'm just feeling a dearth of adventure in my life, which is something that I want to rectify sooner rather than later.

After the concert, I had a late lunch with Vidya and Adit, took a nap, and spent the rest of the evening watching TV. I watched 'Moonlight' (the awful vampire show on CBS which I will of course keeping watching, because I have a secret affection for vampires), and 'Chuck' (surprisingly pretty good - it's on NBC, about a dorky guy who gets all of the government's secrets downloaded into his brain), and well as the season premiere of 'The Office'. All in all, the perfect slightly-depressing but still relaxing Saturday night.

Today, I slept in, took a shower, played with my makeup, and went through my usual Sunday ritual of reading every interesting story on the New York Times website. I talked to my mom for awhile, and then met Vidya at Cafe Borrone. We had intended to work, but of course we talked for two hours instead. It was really nice - I was feeling rather depressed this weekend that I'm losing touch w/my friends (for example, Claude, whom I've only talked to a couple of times in the last month, even though we used to see each other at least twice a week), but seeing Vidya was a welcome respite from my standard crazy go-go-go work life.

After hanging out with Vidya, I went to Best Buy and bought a TiVo. I had avoided it for years, but I finally bit the bullet - I would watch television to relax at night if there were things on that I wanted to see at precisely the time that I wanted to watch. The first thing I did was set up a Season Pass (recurring recording) of 'The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson' - so I will never miss Craig again, and I won't have to force myself to stay up in order to see him! Yay!

So that's all for now - this week at work is going to be brutal, but I might as well stop saying that, because they all are. Now I'm going to finish watching the finale of 'Rock of Love' - ridiculous, since I'd never watched it until now, but I kind of love it. Goodnight!

salaam namaste

In general, today was quite a lovely day. I decided to wear one of my Indian outfits; I hadn't worn a salwar kameeze in a year, and I really miss them. They're so comfortable - it's like I can get away with wearing pajamas to work, even if here I attract far more attention while wearing them than I did in Hyderabad. The consequence, though, is that my desk is situated right under and air conditioning vent and right next to a poorly-insulated window. This made my right arm and hand so cold that I was having difficulty typing, and I couldn't hold a pen properly to write a good note. But, pain i s the price of fashion - and getting to wear a pastel purple tunic, loose lavender gingham pants, and shiny bangles was well worth the sacrifice to my core temperature.

After work, I came home and straightened up the apartment. Then, I went up to the evil city with Jenni, Nick, Arod, and Regina. Arod had set up an expat reunion for us at Heather and Salim's apartment. I had been thinking about the group ever since I had talked to the director of the India office on Wednesday and he had said that the scavenger hunt for my birthday was the 'pinnacle of expat culture' in the Hyderabad office. So, the evening was really nice - we ordered pizza, drank some delicious drinks, and played several rounds of asshole (for those of you who haven't played, it's a drinking game). We played with Salim's naked-lady cards, which was entertaining, particularly since the naked ladies were juxtaposed with the rather tame Indian music in the background. In addition to Nick, Arod, Regina, Heather, and Salim, we also had Rohit, Saamra and Katina in attendance. Everyone was in top form, and seemed to really enjoy hanging out, so hopefully we do it again a bit sooner.

However, I need to start making more time for 'real friends' - they can still be work friends (I can think of a couple of examples), but I need to make it more of a priority to hang out with my closest/oldest friends too. It really goes along with the difficulty I have in setting boundaries at work - I tend to work too much because I don't make firm commitments to myself to get out of the office at a certain time, so I don't manage my time completely effectively because I anticipate that I will have to work at night. Anyway, speaking of making more time for friends, I should really go to bed so that I can go to Roopa's concert tomorrow. Goodnight!

you're setting me up and i'm taking the fall

Tonight was my team's offsite, and it was super fun - to quote Marci, 'this was the first offsite I've been to that wasn't awkward'. Twelve of us went to Saratoga and did some winetasting, and then had dinner at a restaurant a couple of blocks down the street. It actually qualified as team building too - while we didn't do any lame trust-building exercises, we did go around the room and asked questions of everyone in turn. It was great - I learned things about people that I never would have actually asked about in a normal setting, and fun seemed to be had by all. Two members of the team are leaving for Ann Arbor this weekend, which is really sad, but they'll be back in a quarter, so I suppose it's all good.

Working with such a great group of people sort of makes up for the fact that I have no life, although life is something that I want to work on - I have babies on the brain because several of my coworkers are in various stages of childrearing, and while I shudder to think of the implications of having a baby anytime in at least the next five years, I suppose I should be trying to make progress toward that eventual goal, rather than spending all of my time working and procrastinating from doing anything about my future. It's just so easy to procrastinate - I'm very good at it. But then again, I'm twenty-six, which is horribly scary. So, we shall see.

I am going to embrace life tomorrow night, through the timeless tradition of Circle of Death - I'm going up to the evil city for an expat reunion at Heather's, and depending on the mix of people there, I may be able to con some people into playing Circle of Death. Regardless of what we do, I'm sure a good time will be had by all (unless I get stabbed to death in the evil city - Heather and Salim like to say that I don't like the city because I'm afraid of it, so I like to play into their expectations). The rest of the weekend will likely be spent working, and hopefully working on my romance novel. For now, though, it's time for bed!

i lost my heart...i buried it too deep

It's been a fun couple of days, even though I have absolutely no work/life balance. Yesterday, I had meetings virtually all day, and worked several hours last night. But, the misery was punctuated by a white elephant gift exchange in my team meeting - and I walked away with Michael Bolton's super hits. I apparently rocked out to it pretty hard, considering that someone who sits about 30 feet from me was able to hear it. Luckily I wasn't singing...although his songs are definitely croon-worthy. I also came home and watched 'Mr. and Mrs. Smith' - the movie is a little weird because I feel like I'm watching adultery in action (Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie allegedly came together on set, although they claim that nothing happened until Brad broke up with Jen - but they had some violently sexy scenes, so who knows). But, I love assassins and crazy people, so I think it's good. It also brings back fond memories of Hyderabad - I saw it in the theatre there, and was having a pretty good time because I had yet to see or feel any rats in the theatre, but then they cut to an intermission just as Brad Pitt was climbing up an elevator shaft - worst timing ever!

Today, I had a reasonably good day at work, followed by several hours of crafting w/Laura, Ziv and Cody - we were making crafts for someone's wedding, which was a little odd. Laura also amused herself by making fun of Iowa for several hours, which is a shame - people are blind to my home state's charms. Then I came home and got some work done, and now it's time for bed.

Clearly, though, I need to rethink this whole work/life balance thing - I took this quiz on CNN.com called 'are you a workaholic?', and I answered yes to 60% of the questions. Turns out that if you answer yes to more than 3 questions, they think you're a workaholic. Well, I think they're wrong! (reminder: first stage = denial). So I shall contemplate that this weekend, and likely not reach any conclusions at all. Oh well. Goodnight, my friends!

all your dreams have fallen down

It's suddenly gotten warm here again, which is almost frustrating - I went sweater shopping and bought more Uggs this weekend, and I want to wear them! Instead, I'm too warm in my apartment, and I don't want to wear any of my summer clothes - I'm ready for sweatpants, and soup, and hot tea, and curling up under a blanket. Clearly I'm not a California girl at heart. However, I do really want to wear an Indian outfit now that it's warm again - I haven't worn one in ages, and it's like wearing pajamas to work, which is always fun.

So I made it to work for my eight a.m. meeting, left work around seven, came home, accidentally scorched my soup while I was reheating it (what is it with me and ruining perfectly good soup on my third attempt to reheat it?), watched some 'Scrubs', and then worked for a couple more hours. Now I need to go to bed, since I have a meeting at 8:15am tomorrow. Bleh. Things really need to slow down at work, but the next two weeks are going to be an exercise in misery - it's the end of the quarter, which is always rough.

Sorry that there isn't more uplifting content to this post, but I really don't feel like pretending right now. Not that I'm unhappy, I'm just overworked and tired. So I'm going to go to bed and take care of at least one of those problems! Goodnight!

stupid

Man, I'm so dumb. Rather than get anything done earlier in the weekend, I opted to procrastinate, and then ended up working from 2:30pm-6:30pm and from 9pm-12:30am today. Bleh. It would have been clear to anyone who knew me yesterday that I was procrastinating from doing something I truly didn't want to do - I dropped off a bunch of dry cleaning, got a facial, went to the mall and bought lipstick (the hot look for fall!), bought groceries, made potato/leek soup, knocked down cobwebs from my ceiling, vacuumed, did dishes, cleaned the kitchen floor, cleaned out my fridge, and generally tidied up my living room. I should have cleaned my bathroom, but I procrastinated from that by reading part of my new coffee-table book on Regency England interior decorating. I also wrote eight pages in my journal and drank a lot of tea.

What was I so unhappy about that I procrastinated that hard, you may ask? Well, it's performance review time (doesn't it feel like it's always performance review time?), and I have to write ten peer reviews plus my own self-assessment, and I hate doing all of those things. I also had a particularly unpleasant task due for work this weekend that I can't disclose here, but it took four hours this afternoon - and any work-related task that takes me four hours is obviously a pain in the ass. But I paid for my procrastination by having to work tonight, and since it's now almost one a.m. and I have a meeting at 8am tomorrow, I'm clearly starting the week off on the wrong foot :(

But, today is otherwise a joyous day - it's Katie's anniversary and Walter's birthday, which makes it v. nice! And I talked to my parents, and they were entertaining as usual. And I made quesadillas w/peppers and onions (my fave), which was great. And now, I'm going to go to bed, since tomorrow is going to come waaay too fast.

then you say, 'go slow'...i fall behind...the second hand unwinds

I left work early today because I could not stand to start on all of the peer reviews that I'm supposed to be writing. Also, I had preordered Robin McKinley's new book, 'Dragonhaven', and received it earlier this week (perhaps even yesterday, but I can't remember - time is running together), and I really wanted to read it. Robin McKinley, as loyal readers may know, has written some of my favorite books - 'Sunshine', 'The Hero and the Crown', 'The Blue Sword', 'Beauty', 'Deerskin' - the list goes on and on. I won't spend a lot of time on plot synopsis, other than to say that 'Dragonhaven' is, as you guessed about dragons, although to say that it's about dragons is the same as saying 'Sunshine' is about vampires, when really both of them are about one person struggling to come to terms with fate and life and all of the weird internal struggles that we all go through but can never quite articulate.

I think what attracts me to McKinley's novels is that many of them (particularly 'Sunshine' and 'Dragonhaven', which are both first-person, highly-conversational, almost stream-of-consciousness) are written in such a way that I feel like I'm walking through a quiet, private labyrinth when I'm reading them. I was not a completely huge fan of 'Sunshine' when I first read it, but every subsequent reading pulls me further down and further in to the labyrinth. I mean 'labyrinth' in the meditative, contemplative sense here - like the elaborate labyrinths in European cathedrals, or even the silly Snoopy labyrinth that Ritu, Maneesh and I walked through at the Charles Schultz Museum in Sonoma, which are meant to be used for meditation.

So as I was reading 'Dragonhaven' tonight, it was not just about the story...it seemed to be stripping away everything that was making me so frenzied at work this week, all of the worries and concerns and thoughts about my future, and helped to ground me. Even though I wasn't a huge fan of the story, I kind of just want to go back and read it again. That's the interesting thing about written forms of 'meditation' - for example, this blog. 95% of the time, I'm writing drivel, more intended to let people know I'm alive than to really get anything out. But the other 5%, I am attempting to tackle something at least somewhat real, even if the real personal development is happening offline in my journal. And with written communication, I often feel like I'm in a labyrinth - that I keep walking in circles, but occasionally get back to a place where I can recognize the intuition that I was struggling to express several days/weeks/months previously, and even if I still can't name that intuition, I am at least getting closer to understanding its meaning in my life. And I suppose what I'm trying to say about Robin McKinley is that she is the author who most helps me to focus my thoughts in a meditative way; romance novels are good for relaxing, much like Meteos or watching 'The Lord of the Rings', but I feel like her books help me to focus enough that I can come to greater awareness of myself.

Anyway, what I shall do with this awareness, I do not know. I think I'm going to take as much time to myself as possible this weekend - I have to do some work, but other than that, I really just need some time to relax and think. That's the other good thing about these books, though - they slow down my mind, which is an amazingly restful feeling, since generally my brain never stops. I wouldn't want to live in this state all the time, since I do typically enjoy the weird paths that my mind races down, but it's nice once in awhile. Now, though, I'm going to go to bed - sleep would probably help more than just about anything right now.

it's not as simple as it sounds to keep your feet planted on common ground

Yesterday I wrote down ten good things that happened; today I shall write down ten bad things that happened.

1) I woke up too late to wash my hair, and despite trying to hurry, I was still five minutes late for a 9am training.

2) The aforementioned 9am training was pretty annoying and rather useless - we spent like an hour discussing how to use a whiteboard. Turns out it's pretty easy - you write on it! But, it wasn't enough to know that - in fact, they videotaped me writing on the whiteboard so that I could watch myself. And given that I hadn't washed my hair, it wasn't a pretty sight.

3) I was really excited to see that the cafe had cornbread - but then it turned out to be jalapeno/pepperjack cornbread, and I'm too much of a purist to enjoy that, so I threw it away.

4) At the end of an all-hands meeting with my entire department, my director took Q&A - and made me get up and answer one of the questions that was asked. The answer itself was fine and I managed to be concise and articulate - but again, allow me to reference my unwashed hair, oversized four-year-old sweatshirt, and Uggs. I hardly looked like a rising star, or even a dim star (although to be accurate, I probably did look like a white dwarf).

5) I'm out of allergy meds and haven't had time all week to fill the prescription, so my allergies are gradually returning. Bleh.

6) I had a meeting from 5-5:30 and had intended to come home and take a nap afterward - but it ended up lasting until almost 6:30, which cut into my sleep time.

7) I received the brand new Robin McKinley book that I had preordered from Amazon - the first one she's written in five years - but I'm too busy to read it!

8) I had to talk to my parents on the phone rather than in person (but saying this may bump me up on the sibling ladder after my disastrous fall last weekend when I had convinced them that I was dead).

9) I ate a bologna sandwich, which is normally very comforting, but I felt like throwing up afterwards when I started thinking about the percentage of fat calories in a slice of bologna and how it's really not that dissimilar from the pure pork fat we had in Ukraine - although I chased this with tea, rather than homemade vodka.

10) I'm not nearly done w/what I should have done tonight, but I'm going to go to bed anyway - I have to be effective tomorrow (and I need to wash my hair or else I'll be a health hazard), so I can't afford to oversleep. Which leads to...

11) I won't get to see Craig tonight!

Okay, that's it - it's interesting that I actually had to struggle to come up with 10 bad things, and none of them were really that bad. However, the training really was annoying - wasting four hours is fun when it's spent on gossip blogs, but not when it's spent in a room with an overly-excited consultant. In fact, I may have offended her because at one point, she described an exercise with such enthusiasm that I laughed out loud, and rather than keeping my mouth shut, I said 'I'm sorry, it's just that you were so excited...'. Oh well, it's apparent that I don't always get along with people. But I get along with my pillow very well, so I'm going to seek it out. Goodnight!

come to my window

Tonight I shall force myself to list ten highlights of the day to remind myself that I will get through this week, even though I feel sure that it's Thursday (actually, it is, since it's 1am! yay!).

Highlights:

1) I happened to catch the rerun of the 'South Park' parody of '300', in which the lesbian club is bought out by a bunch of Persians. I love that they also randomly include some Mexican day workers whom they dress up as Persians. Ha.

2) I'm doing an amazing job keeping my work emails down - I currently only have TWELVE emails in my work inbox. You don't understand what a miracle this is.

3) My team at work did crafting with Laura - it was a really relaxing 'end' to the day, even though the 5-6pm crafting sessions was then followed by a videoconference with Laura, Cody, and someone in Hyderabad from 6-7:30. I love crafting, even though I'm not that good at it and get far far too competitive - I can't help myself, I just have a compulsive need to win that I do my best to hide since my company is all about 'collaboration' and 'teamwork' and crap like that. I'm not evil about my need to win, I just want to win really really badly. Sigh.

4) I had some awesome steak for lunch, prompted by the fact that the line was too long to make my beloved tuna melt. I also had lunch w/my future new manager; she seems really nice, and she was born in Iowa! However, she moved away when she was four, but I still feel that it means something.

5) I 'slept in' until 8:30 and blew off the first meeting of the day in an effort to ensure that I slept for at least six hours.

6) I had Taco Bell! Some of my favorite memories of college occurred at Taco Bell.

7) I wore my glasses for much of the day, which makes me feel alluringly intellectual even if to other people I just look tired.

8) This sort of happened last night, but I'm still happy with the conversation I had with Lauren yesterday - we know each other really well because we worked together for so long, and so it was good to talk to her because it's easy to be open and honest and everything (particularly after when I passed out on her couch in July!)

9) I love the taste of diet coke in the morning - the slight burn when I take the first sip of the day, probably similar to the first cigarette of the day for a smoker.

10) I got to see Craig for like the third night in a row! yay!

Okay, that's it - look around you and think of all the great things that have happened to you. Goodnight!

lately there's a whole lot of leavin' goin' on

My life may be depressing, given that I came home to put on sweats before going back into the office and working from 9:30pm-12:30am, then came home and watched Craig while working from 12:45am-2am. However, it doesn't seem to be as depressing as Hal Holbrook's - he was on 'Evening Shade' and has been married for the past twenty years to Dixie Carter from 'Designing Women', and he's won four Emmys (according to imdb.com), but now he is doing infomercials for Fisher Investments. He just doesn't seem to be into it at all, although he does get to wear tweed and sit in a lovely oversized leather chair. He even laughed just now when what he said didn't merit laughing ('getting good advice is essential') - like he didn't believe it at all.

I actually had a good day today - I've been pretty relaxed recently, despite my overwhelming amount of work. I also got to see my friend Michelle, who is visiting from Dublin, and I had a really good chat this evening w/Lauren, my former manager who is now in Boston. And, I got to watch Craig - he recapped his monologue tonight for his Russian audience by putting on a shapka-like hat and drinking vodka for thirty seconds (actually not vodka, since he's on the wagon after being an alcoholic in the eighties, but still). I think the fact that I get to watch Craig when I'm overwhelmed at work almost (almost!) makes it all worthwhile.

Okay, I really must go to bed - I need to be at work by 9am. Goodnight!

you better run for the hills before they burn

Not only am I still alive after twenty-four hours of silence (shocking, I know!), but I've uploaded pictures for the first time in months. There's one random pic of Claude at the Great Salt Lake (I apparently never uploaded my pictures from Zach and Maggie's wedding, although I don't have any pics of the actual wedding - just me and Claude wading in a bunch of brine shrimp), and per Felicia's request, a bunch of pictures of my parents' new house. Isn't it idyllic? Doesn't it make you wish that you live in the Midwest? Can't you just feel the peace and solitude and insanity-inducing isolation?

Today was a good day; I slept relatively late, was rather productive at work, had lots of meetings, and still managed to get myself down to only seventeen emails in my inbox. Granted, five more have come in since I stopped reading half an hour ago, but this is a new first for me, and I'm rather happy about it. Yes, I'm a dork.

I was going to go to bed, but now that I've stayed up this late, I get to watch Craig's opening monologue! I should really just get ondemand - paying to record his show would probably be worth the extra sleep I would get by not being incentivized to stay up past my bedtime. Oh, well this is a debate for another day. I shall attempt to stay alive for another twenty-four hours; in the meantime, goodnight!

my grandma - i will probably look like her in fifty years
 

all that hay is ours! or rather, my parents' - they disowned me for not talking to them last week.
 

the deer probably weren't very happy when i rode my aunt's scandalous pirate boyfriend's four-wheeler at v. high speeds across the fields...
 

kitchen/dining area
 

can you spot the round barn?
 

idyllic view of the pond from the living room windows
 

our new living room
 

Claudia at the Great Salt Lake - Memorial Day Weekend/Zach and Maggie's Wedding, May 2007

it's not living a lie if you're not living at all

Okay, so my parents apparently thought I died this weekend, and much of my conversation with them this afternoon involved varying degrees of chastisement for not blogging, calling, or responding to emails since Thursday. My bad. I have assured them that I am alive and well, and now I am doing the same for you! Friday, I worked really hard, then had a v. fun dinner w/Terry and a bunch of coworkers (including Subz, Arod, Regina, Kim, Chris, and Sean) in joint celebration of our birthdays. Saturday, I had an early brunch (9am!!) w/Sriniketh, felt ill and so bailed on Julie, and then had pizza and watched a movie w/Heather and Salim. Today, I went to work, did crafts w/Laura for four hours (and left my phone on my desk, which is why I didn't answer the seven calls that my parents left for me), worked on my romance novel, took a nap, and then worked from 9-midnight. Now, I should really go to bed - the next week is going to be hectic.

I hope that all of you are alive as well! Please accept my apologies for any concern I may have caused.

message in a brothel

OMG, I love Craig Ferguson. Loyal readers already know this. In fact, the title of this blog post was stolen from tonight's monologue, regarding how Sting was photographed leaving a whorehouse in Germany. However, my love was just confirmed - he had a sketch tonight in which he ran through the set of 'The Bold and the Beautiful' while Brooke and Ridge were arguing, he interrupted them to tell Brooke he had always loved her, and then made out with her while Ridge looked on. Awesome! 'The Bold and the Beautiful' may be the trashiest of all the CBS soaps, since they never really expanded the cast too much and so it mostly just involves Brooke and Taylor sleeping with various male Forresters while Stephanie occasionally tries to kill Brooke. So, the combination of Craig Ferguson and 'The Bold and the Beautiful' made my night.

I was sad to discover, though, that he's performing in San Francisco tomorrow night - had I known in time, I would have gotten tickets, but I now have plans to have a joint birthday dinner with Terry and a bunch of our coworkers :( Oh, well, swooning after Craig Ferguson in person will have to wait for another day.

I'm in a great mood despite the fact that I worked from nine until now - the weekly meeting that I had today usually goes really disastrously in the sense that we have a lot of long-winded, intense, argumentative discussions that never go anywhere (I believe I described it as 'herding monkeys' a couple of weeks ago), but I was so successful at keeping us on the agenda today that we made every decision that we set out to make and ended on time. This was such an accomplishment that everyone actually clapped at the end of the meeting, which I thought was hilarious. Corporate America does have its entertaining moments.

Okay, I should go to bed, I have to be at work fairly early tomorrow. Goodnight!

doublecross the vacant and the bored

As befitting my newly-elderly status, I wore all black today. Well, except for the armful of red bangles, but that hardly counts in comparison to my usual fuchsia explosion. I also came home and did laundry and worked - it doesn't get more depressing than that.

Here's the best quote that I've read in awhile - it's not exactly inspirational, but it is thought-provoking: ""I paid off a poker debt with sexual favors, and I fell in love," Pamela Anderson told DeGeneres. "It's so romantic. It's romance."" I think that should be eHarmony's new ad campaign - they could team up with partypoker.com and help to match up desperate, broke singles with sexual predators.

This weekend is going to be rather busy - I have birthday dinner plans on Friday w/Terry, two separate brunches on Saturday, afternoon playtime with Vidya, and dinner with some of my former expatriate compatriots. It will be nice, though, I'm sure - if I can survive until then. My throat is starting to feel sore, which isn't a good sign - it can't be allergies, since I've beaten them into submission by my expensive cocktail of allergy medications, so I'm probably getting sick. Speaking of allergies, though, I should really see the allergist who told me to get more extensive tests back in July - I felt rather sick and my mouth itched after I had a lot of guacamole on a sandwich on Monday, and if it turns out I'm allergic to avocadoes too, I might as well just throw in the towel and hope that my advanced age strikes me down quickly.

Okay, bedtime!

out of the womb and into the void

Thanks to everyone who left well-wishes in comments, on facebook, or on voicemail! It means a lot to me :)

Alas, it is no longer my birthday :( I'm apparently just like a little kid - I woke up early this morning and was too excited/happy to go back to sleep, so I took the time to blowdry my hair and iron my skirt (both of which were extremely abnormal activities). I went to work, had a reasonable day at the office, and was taken to lunch by Heather, which was nice. It's strange that we get free ultra-gourmet food every single day, and yet eating out at a run-of-the-mill Thai place is a treat.

In the afternoon, I had my standard weekly team meeting, and the team surprised me and Tolu (whose birthday was yesterday) with cake and champagne delivered by our director and his admin. So we sat around for half an hour chatting and eating one of the best cakes I've had in awhile - Cold Stone's ice cream/butterfingers cake. Mmm. I'm also pleased to report that I can now drink champagne again, despite the debacle at the beginning of July in which I drank two full bottles of champagne and had to be at work the next morning. Yay.

After work, I drove up to the evil city and had dinner at Little Star Pizza with the remaining core of my original college friends - Vidya, Adit, Oniel, John, and Jess. A good time seemed to be generally had by all, except perhaps by Oniel - he arrived late with the flimsy excuse that Google Maps had lied to him (impossible!), and then was not happy when we nearly voted on and ratified calling him 'Fauxneil'. We spent about twenty minutes trying to come up with another nickname for him, which resulted in many inane and hilarious suggestions (one of my favorites was Bill Crosby). I think 'Oniel No Deal' won, although I personally guess that Fauxneil is the one that is going to stick - any previous person in the group who has vehemently opposed a nickname has ended up stuck with it (see 'Santy Claude' and 'Swamplestiltskin' as examples).

But, it was nice to spend some quality family time with that particular group of friends, even if our numbers have shrunk considerably. Time was, I could easily get up ten or fifteen people to see a movie - granted, that was before I burned through a lot of goodwill by conning people into seeing 'King Arthur', but it's just not like it used to be. All sorts of great people have moved away - Emily, Walter, Ritu, Renee, Tammy, Chris, Zach, Felicia, Nita...the list actually goes on and on, and I know I'm going to offend a dozen people because I inadvertently left them off the list, but so be it. The latest and saddest departure was Claudia - it's been three weeks since I've seen here, which is probably longer than any period since I got back from Dublin. We toasted her memory several times tonight, a trend which I'm sure will continue.

Okay, I'm exhausted, so it's time for bed. Goodnight!

who says you can't go home?

I have returned from my sojourn in my native land - which is sad, particularly since I have returned to a world of painful emails and myriad pointless meetings. Actually, today wasn't too bad - perhaps because I cleared out on time and spent a couple of hours at a cafe working on my romance novel. I'm up to 37,774 words, and the scene I wrote tonight was great - it involved kilts, a sheep's head, and a man named Ferguson (an homage to my dear friend Katie, who is perhaps the only person who will find any humor in what I wrote tonight - although there is no MacPherson involved, because international transvestite superspies have no place in Regency romances!)

Many apologies to my loyal readers - I really left you hanging while I was in Iowa, but I shall endeavor to write more regularly in the future. I had a v. relaxing week - I didn't check my work email at all, and I spent quite a bit of time eating, watching tv, and talking to my parents. I also spent quite a bit of time cleaning out my childhood bedroom, as I mentioned before. In general, the week was great, and my parents didn't get divorced or seem to be annoyed by my presence, so I definitely can't complain. I also got to spend some quality time with my brother (although I'm v. concerned that there are speakers built into my bedroom wall and that he can pipe whatever music he wants into my room), I saw my sister and her kids, and I saw my aunt, her scandalous pirate boyfriend, and my uncle/aunt/cousin, as well as my grandmother. The funny thing is that I only left the 'estate' twice - once to go out to lunch, and once to buy some dairy products. I really could be a hermit if I so desired, particularly in a huge house with plenty of sunshine.

Now, though, I shall go to bed - I have to work tomorrow, and then I'm going to the city to have dinner with my California family (who are generally browner than my Iowa family - maybe it's the extra sunshine?). Goodnight!

madeleine l'engle is dead :(

How sad...I loved her 'Wrinkle in Time' series, and I read one of her adult novels when I was in college, which I recall loving even though I should have been reading books for SLE. She was 88, though, so I suppose it isn't a tragedy, but still.

Here's the obit: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/08/books/07cnd-lengle.html?_r=1&hp&oref=slogin

sucio!

My dear reader, I apologize for my profound silence over the past several days - as you perhaps know, I have been on an extended sojourn to the land of my ancestors. It may provide you with no solace, but I have not been neglecting my journaling - rather than writing here, I have been writing in my journal every night while drinking tea and watching 'Craig Ferguson'. Doesn't that sound lovely?

What has *not* been lovely, however, is cleaning out my childhood bedroom. The difference between my parents' new house, and my parents' old house, is extreme - I don't think it's even possible to conceive how different they are. Though they are separated by only a hundred yards, it's clear that they wouldn't even be in the same neighborhood under normal circumstances. The new house is gorgeous, and I love my room - I chose a color called 'Bombay' which turned out to be a lovely muted rose color. It's not exactly a color that I would choose as the primary scheme if I were to build my own house, but perhaps I was drawn subconsciously to how I had always wanted my bedroom to look when I was younger. And for one's parents' house, where one goes to escape from everything, a girly bedroom is perfect. Anyway, the new house is pretty much perfect; it looks out over the pond, it's extremely bright (annoying, since my bedroom faces east - I've had to resort to sleeping w/my travel face mask), and there's plenty of space.

The old house, by contrast, is a farmhouse with a hundred years of history. You might suppose that I would feel nostalgic, but I don't feel even a shred of nostalgia - as soon as I saw the new house, I half-jokingly told my parents they could just burn my old stuff. The biggest issue is that the old house smells now - a hundred years of cooking, smoking, dusty gravel roads, and intermittent rodent invasions (pretty common in the country) does not lead to a pleasant underlying odor, and it's been compounded by the fact that it's been shut up and unairconditioned for the past few months. Ugh.

Luckily for me, I have less stuff than anyone else in the house, probably because I shipped many things to California - but Vidya, you should realize that this is proof of what I've told you about my family's packrat tendencies, when I look like an ascetic by comparison to my family even though I probably have more stuff in California than any two of my friends combined. So I've successfully moved it all over to the new house (with the help of my mother, who helped me to pack, and my father, who drove it around on a trailer to the back of the new house). Now it's just a matter of organizing it so that it doesn't overwhelm my new room.

That's all for now - perhaps later I shall regale you with stories of the other fun things I've done this week. However, it's time for me to shower and finish organizing my bedroom. Have a great day!

amarillo by morning

Okay, maybe not amarillo, but I am flying through Dallas, which is an
extremely unfortunate way to fly to des moines. I also talked to Katie
tonight for quite awhile when I should have been packing, so I almost
feel like a texan. I just need a ten gallon hat and an oil well.

Today was a little rough...I was at work for eleven hours, but I was
insanely productive, to the point that I was able to leave my laptop
at home with no guilt and no tasks hanging over my head. Then I talked
to my parents and Katie, went to the mall to get some essentials (aka
expensive skin products at sephora), and then went home to pack
furiously and shower before driving to the airport. My flight takes
off at one a.m., and I will probably get a maximum of five hours of
sleep during my travels, which is unfortunate. Ah, well, at least I am
escaping from the crazy, sinful coast for a sojourn in the heartland.
Goodnight, everyone! When I write again, I shall be in Iowa!