when i win your heart, i'm gonna paint it cherry red

Yay, I'm going to bed, and it's going to be AWESOME. I can sleep until 7:30, which is almost eight hours, which is almost normal, which is almost great. Vidya IM'd me to accuse me of being insane, which I thought was grossly unfair. That bitch.

You might think I am drunk, but I assure you that I'm not - unless one can be drunk on responsibility, stress, and career advancement. I suppose one can - I suppose that's the definition of 'workaholic'. I start getting all twitchy when I'm disconnected from the internet, which is why the BlackBerry was a great (and terrible) move for me.

Now I shall write Vidya a haiku:

her tombstone will say:
'i, vidius chandicus,
lowed to eat cookies.'

That's all I've got for now - I need to go to bed before the crazy completely overtakes me. Goodnight, and let's hope I make it to the weekend!

life is simple - it's either cherry red or midnight blue

I'm exhausted - but happily I just remembered about the great song 'Midnight Blue' by Lou Gramm, and that made everything better! Clearly there are days when I'm pathetically grateful for even the slightest bit of sort-of-awesomeness.

Actually, today was a pretty good day, except for the endless string of meetings (with more action items, yay). I met up with Claudia and Vidya for dinner at my place of employment; I'm pretty lucky to be working someplace where if I don't want to stand in line for the (free) pork chops and mashed potatoes, I can instead go for the quicker (and still free) pizza and pre-made spinach/bacon/strawberry salad. So we had a quick dinner, and then went to the movie theatre to see 'Knocked Up'. I really liked it; there were moments that were more serious than I expected, but they were completely appropriate, and were also outweighed by such classic scenes as when the two main guy characters did shrooms in Las Vegas. The supporting actor was Paul Rudd, whom I absolutely adore, playing a rather bitter married guy, which was nice - it shows that he's really grown up from playing lovesick single guys like he did in 'Clueless'.

Anyway, after the movie, I came home and worked for about two and a half hours. Such behavior should be outlawed, but instead it is encouraged. I definitely succumb to the carrot and stick approach - however, in this case the carrot is a promotion that I would probably get at some point anyway, and the stick is my own self-imposed fear of failure and imperfection. Sigh. But, I'm masochistic and thrive off pain and stress, so my new job is probably good for me. Now, though, I'm going to go sleep for six hours or so; I have a conference call at 8am, followed by meetings straight through until 5pm (when I get a half-hour break before another meeting at 5:30), so I should really get some rest. Goodnight, everyone!

yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me!!!

I *love love love* pirates. Really, I do. I know, I'm silly, and perhaps I should grow up someday--but I can't let go of pirates, or my glitter eyeshadow, or my hot pink Kangaroos, etc. Anyway, back to the pirates. I came home tonight, ate dinner while watching some 'Scrubs', and then put in 'Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl' while doing some work. I was rather productive, and so didn't really watch the movie, so could watch it again soon if I wanted to. The first movie was so much better than the subsequent two, in my humble opinion, but in all of them I absolutely loved Jack Sparrow. I started to love Orlando Bloom more as he became more piratical as well.

Okay, but enough of that. Today, I had a bunch of meetings, did some work, gossiped with some people, im'd with some friends, contributed to a ridiculously long email thread regarding simultaneously planning to see a movie tomorrow and have dinner this weekend, and got more responsibilities and projects piled on to my plate with every conversation I had at work. Clearly I'm going to have to hide in my office for a couple of days to catch up on what I already have to do - but since people can dump projects on me via email, that's not the most effective strategy.

I could go on about all my work, or about my friends, or about my glitter eyeshadow, or about pirates, but I'm in a surprisingly good mood and so don't feel like brooding. I also want to go to sleep so that I can get up early and go into work. So, goodnight!

who let the dogs out?

I told Vidya today that I must have a brain tumor - that's the only thing that can explain why I got 'who let the dogs out' stuck in my head last night, or why I say silly things via IM. Or, perhaps it's just that I'm exhausted, but I like to pretend that something more dramatic is impacting me.

Today, I was at work from 8-7:30...the last hour was spent in the tech center trying to get my laptop to stop overheating. It's slightly less hot tonight, since it's not threatening to burn my thigh, but it's still hot enough that I feel vaguely overheated holding it. Then I came home, watched some 'Scrubs', and welcomed Adit, who's spending the night at my place. We had some quiet family time, watching tv while we both worked, and then went to Safeway to get ice cream and a spare toothbrush. Fun!!

Now I should go to bed - I feel slightly better because I caught up on email from 8:30pm-12:30am (with the break for ice cream), but work is going to keep getting insane. Every meeting I have at work gives me another major 'action item' (in other words, responsibility/task/chore), and in some cases gives me an entire project that my team will have to figure out. It's fun because I operate best under stress, but this is getting a bit ridiculous even for me. So now, I shall go to bed, and dream of the day when I'll be able to work 8 hours a day (or, even better, the day I can retire and spend my days drinking mojitos on a beach). Goodnight!

i only have eyes for you

The lyric for the title of this blogpost is courtesy of Vidicus Chandicus!

Today was a good day - the clouds of yesterday broke, letting in a bit of sunshine in the form of Claude and Vidya. We had a late brunch in Sunnyvale, at a place that was v. reminiscent of Marie Callendars (because the clientele was mainly ninety years old and v. decrepit). We sat around for a couple of hours, reminiscing about the past and talking about the future. I also drank four glasses of iced tea, which means that much of what I accomplished the rest of the afternoon was peeing. j/k.

Actually, I was fairly productive this afternoon--I talked to my parents, thoroughly cleaned my bathroom, cleaned out my fridge and did some dishes, took out the trash, bought groceries for the first time in approximately two months, made myself some greek salad, and was going to do all sorts of work. Instead, though, I got sucked into watching the MTV Movie Awards. Stupidly, I'm now watching them again, but this time I'm im'ing w/Vidya while I do so. While most of it was retarded, there was a great moment where Will Ferrell and Sacha Baron Cohen totally made out--the whole rolling on the floor, groping each other kind of making out. Now, though, I should go to bed--it's going to be another busy week!

maybe i shouldn't have started kindergarten when i was four

Standarized Testing - Education - Schools - Test Scores - New York Times

So I just read this article about how the kids who are the youngest in their kindergarten class tend to do the worst academically compared to their classmates for the rest of their lives. As I was reading, I thought 'hogwash!', considering that I was the youngest kid in my class (I made the cutoff by four days). My best friend and I were two of the youngest kids in the class, and now Katie's a lawyer and I'm working for one of the top companies in the US.

Then I got to the last section, where they were describing this test that a kindergarten teacher was giving to her students. The youngest kid in the class was a disaster at it; look at this extended quote:

----------
The teacher asked him to draw a person. To pass that portion of the test, his figure needed seven different body parts.

“Is that all he needs?” she asked a few minutes later.

The boy said, “Oh, I forgot the head.”

A minute later the boy submitted his drawing again. “Are you sure he doesn’t need anything else?” the teacher asked.

The boy stared at his work. “I forgot the legs. Those are important, aren’t they?”

----------

The sad thing is that I cannot, for the life of me, figure out what those seven body parts are that are required to pass the test. I would have drawn a head, two arms, two legs, and a torso, for a grand total of six. Do eyes count? Is hair required? WTF?

Also, they may have a point - the other parts of the test were 'skip; jump; walk backward; cut out a diamond on a dotted line; copy the word cat; draw a person; listen to a story; and answer simple vocabulary questions like what melts, what explodes and what flies'. I would have probably gotten the textual/vocab questions, but skipping was beyond me for several years after kindergarten.

All in all, think of how brilliant I could have been if I had not a) stopped breathing for several minutes when I was born, and b) gone to kindergarten a year later. Then again, given how bored I was in high school, maybe it would have just made matters worse. And also, I was the kind of kid who sprayed paint into her eyes, and no amount of preparation for kindergarten could have stopped me from doing that.

he tastes like you only sweeter

There used to be a time when I wrote blogposts all in lower case, perhaps in an attempt to feign casualness, perhaps because I was so used to writing ICQ messages in lowercase that I couldn't be bothered to change my typing style. Now, I write in something approaching traditional American English, with proper demarcations between sentences and the appropriate capitalization of names and places. There also used to be a time when I was more honest with my communications, blithely posting what I felt and sending it out into the ether. Now, while I don't lie on my blog, I do tell a thousand lies of omission, whether to save myself from the cost of sharing too much, or to save others from the inadvertent pain of reading the small, fleeting betrayals that we all think but do not share. Or, perhaps we don't all think them, and I'm just a bitch.

Either way, it's hard to tell what I get out of posting here anymore. I do feel a certain sense of satisfaction that I have a written record of most of my life over the past several years, even if it doesn't include all of the emotional stuff beneath the surface of the parties, dinners, and work events. And, I do feel that it has helped to keep my family and friends more connected with what I am up to on a daily basis, since I am terrible at keeping in touch.

* * *

I think that the crux of my issue right now is that I get bored with the big picture too easily - while I can sit for hours and watch tv or reread the same book for the dozenth time or idly drive through the foothills, I get very unhappy when nothing major has changed in my life in recent memory. And, 'recent memory' for me is a very short period of time--it was less than a year ago that I got back from Ireland, less than a month since I went to Ukraine, and yet I'm already looking for the next fix of adventure and newness.

For that reason, I'm not sure that going to grad school is a wise move for me - if I get bored before finishing a PhD, I'm pretty much screwed. But then again, perhaps nothing is a wise move for me - any field that I move into, regardless of how interesting or impactful I find it to be, will eventually be something that I master, and once I master it, I will have no interest in continuing on with it.

* * *

I think Vidya is probably right that I think too much in terms of 'one thing or the other, but not both'; I got the same feedback at work recently as well. Despite all of my pride in my rationality, despite my desire to analyze things to death, despite how much I abhor letting emotion get in the way of logic, I can't help but see things in black and white - and I only admit shades of grey when they help me to win an argument (even if I'm only arguing for the sake of arguing). There I go again - there are probably lots of shades of grey that I admit to. But I for some reason am convinced that, just because I don't know my destiny now means I will never find it; that because I'm alone means I always will be; that because I wasn't loved once when I thought it counted, I will never be loved in the way that I want to be loved.

Yes, I know that this is all patently absurd, and in the morning I will feel better. But I suppose my need for adventure is driven in part by the fact that when I get bored, I start to think about my life, and when I start to think, I can't stop thinking, and as long as I'm thinking, I'm usually wishing that things were different. I had grand plans for getting things done today, but instead I spent the whole evening reading a romance novel, because they are the only things that are capable of getting me to disengage long enough that I stand a chance of calming down and breaking the cycle.

I suppose I should delete this, or write this in my private journal instead, since I don't like coming across as depressed or unhappy. But, I don't really feel like lying tonight by just saying what I did today. I just wish that I knew what I could do to make myself happier, more productive, more at peace with my work (or pursuing work that I could be satisfied with), more engaged with my friends, and less bored, less bitter, and less in mourning for the past. Now, though, I'm going to go to bed. Goodnight!

angels fall like rain, and love is all of heaven away

I was supposed to go up to the city tonight to hang out with Vidya and see a comedy show, but I was exhausted from the events of the past month and so decided to stay home. I left work with grand plans to start cleaning my apartment from top to bottom and perhaps make dinner; instead, I nuked a single-serving bag of popcorn and read 'A Wild Sheep Chase' from start to finish. 'A Wild Sheep Chase' was my first introduction to Haruki Murakami, whose books I have gone on to read obsessively over the past six years.

Strangely, when I first read it, I thought it was hilarious--I remember reading parts of it in the garden outside the Kingscote Apartments on Stanford campus, where John and I had gone to study (the book was for a Japanese pop culture class that we were both taking) and thinking that it was the most entertaining book ever. Reading it tonight, however, I can't see what I thought was funny about it - instead, I just felt overwhelmingly sad.

Perhaps reading it again just brought back too many memories of that spring; reading the book, I briefly fell asleep near the end, during the chapters in which the protagonist is waiting for the Rat to show up, and I had the strangest sense of deja vu that I had fallen asleep while reading the same scenes before. But my initial experience with the book was the springtime after my grandfather died, a time that seems hazy now but that I remember was a wild oscillation between feigned euphoria and serious, overwhelming heartbreak. I spent most of that spring ignoring my classes, reading books, and sleeping in the grass outside the library, wishing that everything would just go back to normal.

But I digress. Murakami's books are so heartbreaking, for me at least, because they tend to involved unnamed, bland protagonists confronting unrealistic, fantastic situations - but the situations are never the point of the stories. Rather, through the absurdities of the plots, the protagonists inevitably seem to draw deep, sad conclusions about their own mortality and their lack of meaning and connection; but, these conclusions are muted, as though they've been submerged in a deep well, because the protagonists are so incapable of connecting with others that they can't even express their disconnection because of the barriers that surround them.

In this book called 'The Secret Universe of Names', I read that the sounds of my name imply that I am, on one hand, multi-talented and caring, but on the other hand, I am pessimistic, sarcastic, and stubborn. Accurate, eh? I don't want to be pessimistic, but reading 'A Wild Sheep Chase' tonight made me consider again what life is supposed to be - and it lured me towards the edge of that abyss where all the dangerous thoughts about the meaning and purpose of life lurk. Perhaps I'm doubting the purpose of life right now because, if *this* is my purpose, I'm v. disappointed. Or, perhaps I'm doubting the purpose of life because I don't want to acknowledge that I need to make some serious changes, and those changes will require a commensurate amount of effort. Either way, there has to be more to life than this - I refuse to accept that life is just a string of meetings and emails followed by a quick and unexpected (or slow and painful) death.

We shall see - perhaps a year or two from now, I will look back at this post and laugh. Tonight, though, I should go to bed.

well, that's just maddeningly unhelpful

Tonight we celebrated Sri's birthday by having pizza in Menlo Park. Vidya was at dinner, so I suppose she deserves a mention here. Even better, Claude, Adit, Sri, a couple of Sri's friends, and I went to see 'Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End'. Sadly, the movie is almost three hours long, so I didn't get home until almost 1am, and I have an 8:30am meeting. Boo.

I actually thought the movie was pretty good - there were quite a few moments that I thought were laugh-out-loud funny, and the ending didn't leave me with the same bad taste that I had in my mouth at the end of the second movie. However, the plot was unnecessarily silly and the end was about half an hour too long - but I think it's forgivable. Seeing the monkey wearing a little Chinese hat alone was worth the price of admission, not to mention the many other ridiculous moments. I'm also in love with Orlando Bloom (yes, I'm a twelve-year-old girl), and Johnny Depp is to die for, so I had a v. good time. Adit seemed to hate it and Claude was apparently bored, but Sri liked the first half about as much as I did, so it's all good.

Now I should really go to bed - morning is going to come too soon, and I have tons of stuff to do tomorrow. Goodnight!

i'm an alien, you're an alien

Today should have been more stressful than it was, but that's because I blew off some stuff that I probably should have done so that I could leave and have coffee with Vidya, followed by dinner with Subz (aka Lauren). I was half an hour late to coffee w/Vidya, but happily she seemed to forgive me, and we had a good (albeit depressing) conversation. Dinner with Lauren was also great...tonight was definitely a 'talk about my feelings' night all around, which was good, but made it impossible for me to motivate myself to work when I got home.

Even though it's ten p.m., I think I'm going to go to bed; part of my problem may just be that I feel exhausted. Something funny happened today as well--one of my coworkers took a stab at dividing some upcoming responsibilities between the two of us, and he took all of the projects that I consider most interesting/visible/intense, leaving me with projects that I don't think will really challenge me at all. What's funny is that this would actually be good for me in the sense that what I would be left with would give me a reasonable workload, and yet I'm still annoyed because I don't want to be bored either. Clearly, I don't know what I really want! Now, though, I think I should go to bed. Goodnight!

thanks for the memories even though they weren't so great

So I'm still in a brooding mood - it doesn't help that this weekend made me feel that there are aspects of my life that have now definitively passed me by. For one, I can never be a nineteen-year-old cocaine addict. For another, I'm officially well into my mid-twenties, which is neither a comfortable nor an exciting time. Anyway, I went to work today even though I woke up feeling nauseous and really just wanted to call in sick; I had too many important meetings to go to, including a forum talk that I had set up with one of my company's leading political lobbyists, which was v. cool. Setting up these talks has nothing at all to do with my core responsibilities, but it's kind of cool to force myself to take time out once a month to go to these talks (since I have to go, since I organized them--there are lots of great talks at work, but I usually don't make time for them).

All that greatness aside, though, I'm feeling distinctly unmotivated. I mean, I'm excited about my new role at work to some extent--lots of great challenges and responsibilities, and I love the people I'm going to be working with. However, I'm not really excited about a long-term future that involves my current ratio of work:friends, which is pretty much in direct correlation with my ratio of cash:leisure. I boycotted a little today by chatting online with Walter--it was the first long conversation I'd had with him in months, and we used to talk almost every day. So, I clearly need to figure out a next step that gives me more time to pursue things I'm passionate about.

I started thinking about phd programs again--not that I'm sure that's what I want to do, but I think I'm perhaps stronger at analytical writing than I am at creative writing, and so perhaps it makes more sense to apply for phd programs this fall rather than trying to take time off to write a romance novel. The problem is that if I try the romance novel thing and it doesn't work out, I'm a year farther behind in applying for grad school--and at this point, even if I apply this fall, I'll be 27 when I start, which makes me 33 when I finish, which is just depressing.

Bleh. Luckily there is still time to decide things, but right now I'm exhausted. Goodnight!

here comes a lie...we will always be true

I was in Salt Lake City this weekend for Zach and Maggie's wedding. The ceremony was absolutely lovely - it matched their personalities, and the love that they have for each other is a beautiful thing. It made me cry the whole way through, which wasn't so bad considering that I was in the back row (as opposed to when I cried all through Katie's wedding, which was worse since I was a bridesmaid). Of course, my tears were also hidden underneath my dark Versace sunglasses, and they were silent rather than wracking sobs, so it was all good.

The weekend overall was very nice. Claude and I got in on Saturday, spent the afternoon relaxing in the hotel, and then met up with everyone at the rehearsal dinner (although I don't know if it counts as a rehearsal dinner, since absolutely everyone was invited). I ate a lot of pieces of watermelon covered in goat cheese, and more importantly reconnected with a lot of old friends. Virtually everyone from that old group in my freshman dorm was there, and so it was v. nice to relive old times (which, scarily, were almost eight years ago!). Sunday, Claude and I went wading in the Great Salt Lake (smelly, shallow, and full of brine shrimp), had lunch at Chili's with the crew, and then went to the wedding. Happily, Adit also stayed in our hotel room with us, and so the three of us had some great family time before bed each night. Granted, the family time ended up being depressing, particularly the second night, since it's clear that we're not getting any younger and there was a pervasive feeling of doom and loss...but at least we were together.

Also, I had about five bottles of chardonnay and pinot grigio over the course of the two nights, so my decision-making was not the strongest, but I managed to keep myself out of trouble. A full weekend without my laptop and without thinking about work was devastating for my ambition, however--I came back completely unmotivated to go back to the office tomorrow, and my head is once again filled with dreams of grad school. This is probably fueled by the farewell dinner that I just had with Renee, who is moving to SoCal this week and will be pursuing a Ph.D. in literature at UCLA this fall...I'm so happy for her that she escaped the siren's call of my company and is pursuing her dreams, but it makes me wonder what happened to mine.

Anyway, I don't want to brood tonight, I did enough of that when I spontaneously drove to Half Moon Bay this afternoon. I'll save the brooding for another time..right now, I should go to bed!

you fight me for my love - lyrics

For some reason, my blog gets a lot of hits for this song called 'Fighting For My Love'. I've only ever heard it on this one episode of 'Scrubs' where JD and Elliot get together for a day or two, so I can usually tell if that episode has been repeated someplace by the flurry of hits that I get from a specific geographic location.

Anyway, I thought I'd post the lyrics, since it took me awhile to find it myself - this is for the randoms who make it onto my blog:

Nil Lara - Fighting For My Love

I was taught when I was young to share myself to show my love
Smile at everyone Oh to shine above the sun
Now I'm standing next to you I think I've changed my point of view
I've noticed you can tell
You're fighting for my love

For my love, yes you're fighting for my love
For my love, yes you're fighting for my love

Many times I tried to talk to let you know someday I'd walk
In me you found a drug an addiction to my love
I could swear I let you know I tried one day to let you go
You fight me all along
Yes you're fighting for my love

For my love, yes you're fighting for my love
For my love, yes you're fighting for my love

I know how it feels I've been burned one time before
I still feel the scars on my lips
When I touch when I love when I kiss
When I kiss

Now I'm calling back for you I figured out I'm missing you
You're nowhere to be found oh I've asked and looked around
Seems you found a better fish I must confess I had a wish
To love you all along
But you're fighting for my love
Fighting for my love

For my love, yes you're fighting for my love
For my love, yes you're fighting for my love

Fight me

Oh yes yes yes you're wanting my love
You don't know how you're missing my love
Oh yes yes yes you're needing my love
You don't know how you're fighting my love

Yay mormons!

Claude and I made it to salt lake city, where we attended Zach and
Maggie's rehearsal dinner tonight. It was awesome...I haven't seen
Chris Boyd in two years, and there are many people whom it is good to
catch up with. Tomorrow is the actual ceremony, which I am looking
forward to...Zach and Maggie are pretty much perfect for each other,
so I anticipate that tomorrow will be lovely.

Okay, time for bed...and here's hoping tomorrow's hangover won't be too brutal!

you aren't the wind beneath my wings

The good thing about working late, as I have mentioned before, is that I get to watch Craig Ferguson. His opening monologue was pretty good tonight, and there was one particularly funny moment (which won't sound funny here at all) when he was talking about how 'Pirates of the Caribbean' has led to pirates showing up all over the media, which then cut to the '60 Minutes' opening. The '60 Minutes' opening contained 'I'm Steve Kroft...I'm Leslie Stahl...I'm a pirate' (where the pirate was Craig Ferguson dressed in this ridiculous pirate get-up). Ha!

Craig made up for the fact that I also watched the local evening news. I really hate the local news in the Bay Area; it's all poorly-done and annoying. Case in point - there was one point in the broadcast where the newscaster said 'The FDA wants us to warn you that you should not eat any imported fish labeled 'monkfish'. It may actually be puffer fish, which is poisonous and could kill you. For more information, visit our website.' Aughh! If this is an actual, serious warning, why did they waste so much time discussing the avg. ounces and costs of all the major cereals (which was the lead story), when they could have been discussing puffer fish? This was clearly just a ploy to drive traffic to what is doubtlessly an annoying, overly-complicated website.

Work today was fun in the sense that I had lots of fun meetings, and annoying in the sense that I didn't have any time to check email. Coupling that with the fact that I ignored all email yesterday due to crunch time on the preso I gave last night, and also the fact that I still haven't read all my email from vacation, and I'm feeling seriously behind. I've decided to just accept that feeling--rather than work all night, I first had dinner w/Claude at Mike's Cafe. We split the lasagna and the bread pudding, both of which were delicious, and I'm glad I got to be there when Claude had her first enjoyable meal since taking her wisdom teeth out last week [I suppose I should say 'since having oral surgery last week', since my earlier phrasing makes it sound like she removed them herself with some sort of primitive cutting instrument in her garage]. After dinner, though, I did work from 9:30ish until now. Boo.

Tomorrow promises to be another fun day, and I have to leave work on time to pack, buy a pair of shoes to match my dress, and buy a wedding present for Zach and Maggie. So, wish me luck! Now it's time for bed.

some days when i'm far away in a lonely room in a cold seclusion

Despite the fact that I was so stressed that I could barely eat lunch (not to mention that I didn't really have time for it), today was a great great day. For one, I got up early so that I could blowdry my hair, leading to several compliments (which I chose to take as positives, and ignore the implied negative about how my hair looks the other 29 days of every month). For another, the cafe in my building opened, so I can have scrambled eggs every morning (which will do nothing good for my cholesterol). For a third, I got to work on not one, but two extremely important powerpoints today--basically, whenever I wasn't in a meeting, I was sitting at my desk with the door closed playing with slides and figuring out how to get my point across.

But the best thing was that in the meeting I had with the directors (conveniently scheduled from 6-7pm) they not only gave me what I asked for, but gave me the super-special bonus of fulfilling a request that I've been pressing them for repeatedly for the past two years. I just threw a slide in about it in the wild, desperate hope that I'd get 25% of my request, but I got it all! Yay!

This is the worst blog post I've ever written.

Anyway, I'm really excited about my new job at work, even if it means that I'm going to be overworked. I've kinda come to accept the fact that I bring this on myself, but at least now I feel overworked by something that I *want* to do, rather than something I feel *compelled* to do. So I guess that's a win, right?

I actually made it home by nine p.m., where I watched a little TV while working until now. I should really go to bed...I have two days of hard slogging to go, and then I leave Saturday for Zach's wedding! So, goodnight!

this ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race

Slogging is going to be the death of me - for someone who dreams of writing a romance novel, I sure do give way too much of my soul to my job. I was in the office until 10:30 last night, which is why I didn't blog; I managed to leave at 6:15 tonight, primarily because I desperately needed to do laundry so that I could wear something clean for the meeting that I have with the directors tomorrow night. The role I'm moving into now is going to be tons of responsibility and work, which is good for my career, but probably bad for my personal relationships.

To make myself feel better after that sad statement, I looked up that movie that I watched the last night that I was in Kiev - gentle reader, you may remember that I watched snippets of 'Volkodav' (sans subtitles, so I didn't understand the dialogue) and kept my brother awake from laughing so hard. If you want to see some screenshots and read a review, you can check it out here - I'm going to have to rent it if it ever comes out on DVD in America!

Also, it is understandable why this felt like a cheap ripoff of 'Lord of the Rings' - their entire budget was only $19million. I found this out from this story (http://news.rin.ru/eng/news///9300/6//). The English is waaay off--I wonder which auto-translation software suggested the title 'Sea rovers of Caribbean Sea: Damnation of black pearl'?? Anyway, $19million is nothing in the movie world, particularly since they were trying to do special effects similar to the Bridge of Khazad-Dum sequence, so I am now impressed with how much they actually did accomplish.

Okay, now that I have cheered myself up, it's time for bed!

UPDATE: you can WATCH THE TRAILER for "Volkodav" here!! - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipyYXVn15mI&mode=related&search=

happy birthday swampuncle!

Sorry, I meant to say this on Saturday, but I didn't blog that night - happy birthday Uncle Mark!

we'll be the worst of best friends

What a crazy weekend! Friday night, I succumbed to my desires and bought a new car - a Toyota RAV4, to be exact, with all the trimmings. It's a 6-cyl 4wd with a sunroof, 6-cd changer, heated leather seats, bluetooth for my cellphone, the ability to plug in my ipod, tons of cargo space, etc. I'm in love! I loved driving my other car, but the time had come to upgrade, and this RAV4 is leagues beyond my Pontiac in terms of handling and smoothness.

So Saturday, I took my lovely new car up to the city and had a late lunch with Tom and Julie. I hung out with them the rest of the afternoon, and then met up with Vidya. We had coffee and cake, and then went to a dance performance that Vidya had wanted to go to. She was going to see one of her friends perform, and I went with her. The first dance was actually pretty good, particularly since one of the dancers was an amputee, which made it all the more interesting. However, the second dance wasn't a dance, it was more of a 'performance art' piece, and I despised it. Actually, I loved it because it was so bad and I knew that I could walk out and give Vidya a rough time for dragging me to a dance performance.

The basic gist of the performance was that there was the 'dancer', who also choreographed, some dude who 'danced' with her, and then a band in the background. The 'dancer' started off the show balanced horizontally on the back of a wing chair, while the lead 'singer' read some text about slaughtering pigs, and the dude shaved the 'dancer's' leg. After he finished shaving one leg, he sat down to read a newspaper, and the 'dancer' writhed around in the chair while the singer sang 'la la la laaaah' over and over again. Later, the dude got up and shaved the chick's other leg. Then she writhed around some more. Oh, and did I mention that she was only wearing a really short white nightgown and white panties, which she proceeded to flash through most of the performance? Call me prudish, call me Victorian, but I really don't enjoy watching someone wearing white underwear lean backwards over a wing chair and spread their legs as wide as possible, nor do I consider that to be 'dancing'. It would perhaps be 'dancing' if she were writhing around a pole while guys were putting money into her waistband, but I really hate it when performance art is provocative just for the sake of being provocative (which pretty much means I hate most performance art).

The third dance was good (traditional Indian moves set to slightly more modern music), and then we left at intermission. That means that we missed the second-half piece titled 'Blood of the Virgin', which is too bad, but I can only take so much fun for one night. I spent an hour or so chatting with Vids in her apartment, then came home. Happily, I managed to sleep until around ten a.m., which was key since I woke up yesterday at 6:30am and couldn't get back to sleep. I spent the day doing v. little - I had lunch, talked to my parents, and then conned Oniel into taking me to Fremont to pick up my old car from the dealership. I just watched 'Office Space' on tv, and now it's time to sleep. Goodnight!

nobody knows the trouble i seen

Today kinda sucked--I was really busy, and I'm also still jetlagged to the point that I'm about as competent as a singed grapefruit. I don't even know what that means, but the fact that that was all I could think about for a simile indicates my problem. So the worst thing that happened today was that I completely wiped out in the hallway, seriously bruising my knee and cascading my coffee all over the cube that I fell next to. The guy in the cube was seriously shocked, but luckily it didn't land on him. Also luckily I had put lots of milk in it, so it didn't burn my hand off in the process. But, it was not a particularly enjoyable situation, particularly since my next meeting involved someone who cried. Ugh.

Now, though, even though I have tons to do I'm going to go to bed - tomorrow's soon enough to keep stressing, and my brain will probably function better once I get some sleep.

can't you see these skies are breaking?

Happy 22nd birthday, Michael!! My little brother is all grown up :(

I'm so tired that I almost feel drunk from fatigue. I was supposed to meet Claude at Cafe Borrone for a late dinner, but was so tired that I accidentally went to Coupa Cafe instead, which is in PA rather than Menlo Park, despite the fact that I've gone to Cafe Borrone at least fifty times. Luckily it didn't take too long to rectify my mistake, so we hung out and I got the scoop on John's wedding (which sounds like it was fun, but couldn't have possibly been as much fun as drinking homemade herbal vodka out of a sprite bottle in Ukraine).

Last night was rough--I had to go to a work-related dinner at Nola's (which was much different from Tammy's birthday party at Nola's, let me tell ya), and then I wasn't able to sleep until midnight, and then I woke up at four a.m. and laid in bed until six. Ugh. Hopefully tonight will be better! Sleep is imperative - I got back from vacation with 800+ unread emails, and I'm booked almost solid in meetings for the next two days :( So, goodnight, and hopefully I'll get back in touch with the people in my life sometime in the next few months or something.

sleepytime

I made it back to my apartment--it's one a.m., and I somehow have to drag myself into the office in seven hours :( So, it's time for bed!

sweet like candy to my soul

I'm sitting in Minneapolis, in a Chili's' listening to Dave Matthews,
which is pretty perfectly Midwestern. I am also the proud new owner of
a fly fishing tshirt--I'm so dirty that I can't take it anymore, so I
bought the first available shirt that came in a color that vaguely
matched my pants. The shirt also has some vaguely sexual innuendos
related to fly fishing, so now I just look like I'm making a slightly
unfortunate fashion statement.

'Dani California' just came on, so things are getting better...and I
just discovered that the blackberry's predictive text considers
'validpenis' to be an alternative for California. Ha!

The sad thing is that my flight doesn't take off for another hour and
a half, and then it's four hours to san francisco, and then I have to
get my car out of long term parking and drive home. Since I woke up at
5:30 am kiev time, this means that I will have been traveling for
almost 28 hours when I walk into my apartment. This portends a rather
miserable day at work tomorrow...I don't know what my calendar looks
like yet, but I bet I have to be there by nine at the latest. Sigh!

But, kiev was fantastically fun...I will post pictures when I get them
off my camera. As long as my family makes it to Iowa tonight, I will
consider this a smashing success! Now it's time to eat...will blog
later.

amsterdarn

I went through Holland for the second time in less than two weeks, and
I once again failed to see Walter, strippers, or Walter and strippers.
Clearly my impressions of Holland are positive.

Our plane is taking off...when we land, we'll be in America! Or, a
watery grave, but hopefully America. Love you all!

Goodbye Ukraine!

When I blog again, I will be in the West!

an american in kiev

I just watched snippets of this awesome movie called, I think,
Volkodav. Basically, imagine that there are a bunch of really dirty
Russians wandering around in the forest, and whenever they have
trouble coming up with a plot device, they borrow shamelessly from
'lord of the rings'. The main characters are dirty blonde versions of
Aragorn and Arwen, and there's also a midget king with a tasseled
umbrella, some guy with a scarred face and missing eye, this awesome
scene with a mongol horde, etc. The main guy has a pet bat who saves
him at the end. The last scene is a dead ringer for the Bridge of
Khazad-Dum sequence...the hero supercharges his sword with a lightning
bolt, kills this monster made of rock and fire, dies himself, and is
then reborn. Awesome!

Then again I have to remind myself that I may have missed a lot since
I didn't understand the dialogue, but I have a feeling that I wouldn't
have enjoyed it so much if I knew what was actually going on.

It's time for bed...we are in kiev, but leaving for the airport early
tomorrow. I'll be back in the States by Tuesday!

i'm a big big girl in a big big world

I've quite enjoyed the musical selections in the restaurant where we
have been eating dinner...they've been a strange combination of
one-hit wonders from America and Russian or Ukrainian drinking songs
and rap. I haven't heard 'Lady in Red' this many times since the days
when I used to watch 'Dodgeball' every couple of weeks.

Today was very laid back...we wandered around the central market, said
goodbye to Vova's parents, and then spent the rest of the day sitting
around our house. Tomorrow we're going to Kiev to see Little Sergei,
and we're spending the night in Kiev so that we can go to the airport
early on Monday morning.

I'm sad that my vacation is almost over, particularly since I haven't
planned another one yet, but it will be good to be home. Now, though,
I should go to bed...Kiev awaits!

mclenin

Today was a great day for me, and perhaps a not so great day for my
family. We went to the great and ancient city of Kiev with Sveta, and
we walked around for hours, until I was afraid that my family was
going to mutiny. Lucky for me, I have all their flight information and
the only working internet connection, so they need to keep me close to
make sure that I don't cancel their flights!

We visited the Lavra, which is the site of some crazy Orthodox
catacombs. Then, we had a late lunch at McDonalds, which has taken
over Kiev...when we were here thirteen years ago, there weren't any,
but I saw at least three today. We wandered through the ongoing
revolution in the main square, went to St. Sophia's church, then
walked down one more steep hill lined with souvenir kiosks before
finding our driver.

We luckily got to see Sveta's two boys, ages 5 and 3, for a few
minutes...they are absolutely adorable. But, it was hard to say
goodbye to Sveta again...she really never expected to see is again,
and there are no guarantees that we will make such a trip again, so
the goodbye was sad.

You are spared my brooding and ruminations tonight because I can't be
suitably expansive and melancholic while typing on this ridiculous
keyboard, so I shall go to bed instead. But, when I get back to the
States, I shall post many pictures. Goodnight!

radio silence

Sorry that I didn't blog yesterday...we had a bit of a mishap with the
phone, which led to sixteen hours without internet, which caused quite
a bit of panic for me and my brother, since we are truly addicted.
Anyway, we are all still alive...although that may change with my
astonishing rate of mushroom consumption. In fact, the woman who made
us lunch today even called her mushroom dish 'chernobyl mushrooms',
which made me laugh.

Yesterday was Victory Day (aka V-E Day in the States), and so Vova and
his family came out to our place and barbecued. Today, we had lunch
with Yuri and his wife...Yuri was our translator during our first few
weeks in Ukraine, and we always suspected that he was providing
reports on us to the KGB, but he's a really nice guy and it was good
to see him. Then, Vova's dad took us to this big park in Uman, which
is 100 km south of here. It was quite impressive, although I would
like to know how many serfs were killed in the construction of the
park...they basically constructed all of these rock formations and
waterfalls to look natural, which couldn't have been an easy task
using the tools available 211 years ago.

On the way back to Bila Tserkva, our van was making a terrible noise,
so we may have transportation problems tomorrow. However, that is a
problem for another day...right now, I should go to bed!

P.S. Aunt Becky, we didn't see the radioactivity counter in the city
center...either they are trying to move on with their lives, or the
levels are so high that they don't even want to bother. Lenin's statue
survives.

minor celebrity

I awoke today to the roosters crowing and the sun streaming into my
face...there's nothing I can do about the roosters (unless the rifles
on the walls of the restaurant in our complex still work), but tonight
I will have to wear my facemask to bed so that I don't get woken up by
the sun at five a.m.

We had our usual ham and radioactive mushroom omelettes for breakfast,
and then we went into Bila Tserkva to meet up with Svetlana (aka
Sveta). We sat in her mother's living room drinking tea for an hour,
and then we went on a bit of a walking tour. We saw a real Orthodox
church (gorgeous...if you have never been, I recommend
wholeheartedly...the icons and paintings are amazing and
simultaneously mysterious in a way that I can't explain). Then we went
to the church that the town is named after (Bila Tserkva means white
church). This church is catholic, and like other catholic churches
they seem to survive mostly on tourism...they charge an entrance fee,
and the walls are covered in paintings which are for sale, making it
feel more like a gallery than a place of worship.

After this, we saw the statue of Yaroslav the Wise, who founded Bila
Tserkva in 1032. Then we went to the local museum, which was a riot in
ways which I shall not try to explain now. We had a delicious lunch
nearby (it's amazing how many good restaurants there are!), and then
went to the canning factory to surprise one of our old acquaintances.
He gave us a large jar of birch juice, which is now sitting sketchily
on our counter.

Tonight we had another excellent dinner, this time with Sveta, as well
as Sasha and his wife Kate. Sasha used to bring us eggs and milk and
potatoes from his village to our apartment, and it was very good to
see them.

Tomorrow is Victory Day, the holiday marking the end of World War II,
and Vova and his family are coming out here to barbecue. So, i suppose
I should go to bed. Sounds like things are wet in Iowa, but I hope
everyone else is well!

good, better, best

'Allo, comrades! Today was a very lovely day in Ukraine. We awoke to
greasy, radioactive mushroom omelettes, which were delish. Then, we
went out to Vova's parents' dacha (country home), where we toured
their orchard and enjoyed a light lunch of crimean red champagne and
bread with ham and pats of butter so thick that I thought they were
cheese. Yum! We also tried to communicate with Gennady's broken
English, my father's broken Russian, and a russian/English dictionary.
I was amused or bemused or something when Gennady told me that he
didn't used to like me, but he likes me now. Is that a compliment?

In the afternoon, we wandered around Bila Tserkva for awhile and saw
many of the old places we used to hang out. Then we went for a drive,
but I got carsick because my feet don't touch the ground in the van we
have, and the ride was really bumpy.

After the drive, we had a delicious dinner in the restaurant at our
complex...they offered us lard and vodka, but instead we had pork
steaks, fried potatoes with garlic, this disgusting raw fish with a
mayo and mustard sauce, some delicious fried potato-and-chicken
patties (that may not sound good, you'll have to trust me), and topped
it off with some cherry iced concoction that tasted like frozen cherry
pie filling. So if my brother and I die tonight, it's because we got
poisoned by bad ice.

Tomorrow promises to be another fun-filled day! To aunt Becky...invite
me to your island someday, I want to see it. To everyone else,
goodnight!

you don't know how lucky you are, boys

My guidebook said to avoid mushrooms because of the high chance of
radioactive contamination...and both of the meals I had today were
chock full of them. And let me be the first to tell you that
possibly-contaminated mushrooms are even tastier than their safer
counterparts!

The first full day of our ukrainian odyssey was very relaxing. We had
breakfast, went to vova's apartment for tea, and then spent a couple
of hours wandering through Alexandria Park with Vova, his son, and his
parents. After our rambles, we came back here for lunch (or rather
dinner since the service was so slow), then went back into Bila
Tserkva for groceries, then came back to our house and successfully
kept ourselves awake until a reasonable bedtime.

Now, a few quick observations:

1. Living here now would be a breeze compared to thirteen years
ago...while my father used to buy meat in an open-air market and
judged its quality by looking at the teeth of the dead animal, today
we went to a bona fide supermarket with a nicer meat and fish counter
and more delicious bread than you can get in most places in the
States.

2. Restaurants also seem better...in twenty-four hours, I haven't been
served anything that tested my gag reflex. As a matter of fact, I've
actually enjoyed everything I've eaten.

3. We have yet to be forced to drink any vodka...Vova said that since
things are better now, people don't need vodka as much. We'll see if
that holds up when we hang out with people who haven't made a fortune
since the fall of the USSR.

Okay, I'm tired of typing on this tiny keyboard, so I'm going to go to
bed. Say hello to America for me!

back in the ussr

We made it to Ukraine on schedule, after many hours spent crammed into
small airplane seats. Vova and Little Sergei were waiting at the
airport for us, bearing flowers and an extra van to haul all of our
luggage, which was nice.

The drive from the airport to Bila Tserkva made it shockingly apparent
how much things have changed since we left thirteen years ago. For
one, there are gas stations everywhere, obviating the need to buy
petrol and carry it around with you. For another, there are billboards
for mcdonalds everywhere. For a third thing, the checkpoints are no
longer manned with soldiers toting kalshnikovs. Some things don't
change though...vova was speeding and a cop pulled him over (by
standing at the side of the road and pointing his baton at him), and
Vova got away without a ticket, presumably after bribing him. Ah, the
memories.

We had dinner at this v. nice place in Bila Tserkva, where we had
cucumbers, tomatoes, bread, and pork...very ukrainian. Then Vova
brought us to the house he procured for us, which is situated on a
lake outside of town. It's a hysterical mix of very nice and very
stereotypically nouveau riche post-Soviet decorating tastes, as
evidened by the contrast between the nice wood floors and the gaudy
crimson and hold satin drapes. Also, I opened the top drawer of my
bedside table and found three used condoms, so this must be quite a
popular place for affairs.

I have tons of impressions to share...remind me to blog about
politics, wild west capitalism, and other things when I'm safely home
and can't be arrested. For now, though, it looks 'the matrix', dubbed
in Russian, is on TV, so it's time for me to sign off. Goodnight!

and if you say this life ain't good enough i would give my world to lift you up

I got a message from Adit last night, who was calling from John's bachelor party to say that they were singing Rob Thomas' 'Smooth'. Yay!

Now I have to run, it's time to leave for Ukraine! I'll blog when I can!

i need you to need me

So it's back to blogging with my tiny keyboard...I am sitting in the
san francisco airport, after a mad dash to get to my flight. At work
today I had to give six performance reviews and attend several
meetings; I had intended to leave at 4:30, but instead I left two
hours later, and I had to do laundry and pack. The end result was that
I made it to the airport, but dinner waited until eleven pm and
consisted of a disgusting, overpriced sandwich.

This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't faced with the prospect of eating
borscht and cabbage rolls for the next ten days. Actually, who am I
kidding...I love eating terrible stuff and doing ridiculous things, so
I should be quite happy. I may never be sane, but at least I am
enjoying myself! Now i'm gonna ditch the blackberry and read until my
flight...Iowa awaits!

i barely dreamt her yesterday

I love Craig Ferguson - he just said how it would be better to have an elephant as a pet than a cat, because if you die alone in the house, the elephant won't eat it - it will cradle you lovingly in its trunk and carry you someplace instead. It's almost upsetting how much I lust after Craig Ferguson - he has grey hair and is a recovering alcoholic, but then again he has a fantastic accent and makes his living mocking other people and telling long, ridiculous stories, so he's actually perfect. Mmm.

Not only am I apparently attracted to 44-year-olds, but I am sometimes embarrassed by how easily I start to love something which turns out to be completely awful. Case in point - I wanted to quote AFI's 'Love Like Winter' in my title, and so I was looking up the lyrics, and I found the YouTube clip of the music video. The video is absolutely ridiculous - the male lead singer has really long false eyelashes, bangs that hang into his eyes, and the whole band is playing in the middle of a blizzard. The fact that I bought this CD makes me sad, but the fact that I secretly love this song makes me even sadder.

Today kind of sucked--I was at work for eleven hours, then came home and worked from 9:30pm until now, while simultaneously watching some television and trying not to burn my thighs (my work laptop is having some heating issues). I would be sad, but I got to watch Craig, which means I will go to bed with a warm, fuzzy feeling (and no, that should not be taken in a dirty or lascivious way - despite my use of the word 'lust', my love for him is pure). But now I should really go to bed, since I get to sleep for around six hours before getting up and doing it all over again. Goodnight!

it's beginning to get to me that i know more of the stars and sea than i do of what's in your head

I should either be working or sleeping, but instead I've spent the last hour reading about Ukraine. I can't wait to go, but it's simultaneously hard to believe that in a week I will be there, likely eating something disgusting covered in sour cream. Mmm. I think I'm excited because, for me, Ukraine is a blur of hazy memories, spread over a year that would have been confusing enough in the States, given that I was on the cusp of womanhood (isn't that a ridiculously dramatic phrase?).

Last weekend, on the phone with my parents, I was recounting everything that I remembered about our trip to Disneyworld--which turns out to be quite a bit, especially considering that I was only four years old. My memories of Ukraine are a similarly strange mix. I remember eating peanut butter out of a gallon-sized container that we had shipped over; I usually ate one spoonful as a snack. I remember my mom making homemade bread, and we'd always eat a whole loaf as soon as it came out of the oven. I remember teaching myself algebra at the kitchen table, listening to Voice of America radio. I remember playing the original 'Civilization', or getting motion sickness while watching my brother playing 'Wolfenstein 3-D'. I remember the strange benzene/gasoline smell of my comforter, and the time that grease came through the water pipes and ruined a load of clothes in the washing machine. I remember how toilet paper with the consistency of brown paper towels was still worth hoarding, which meant we usually had six weeks' worth on hand. I remember our epic Christmas Eve dinner in this freezing-cold restaurant, where one of the dishes was beef tongue in aspic jelly. I of course also remember the ridiculous Christmas program that my brother and I put on for our parents and aunt, and how the gifts we got the next morning (cash, trapper keepers, pepperoni, and oranges) were some of the best Christmas presents ever. I remember the buckets that my dad used to haul water from two blocks away.

It's no wonder I grew up crazy--I remember watching a funeral out of our apartment window (since funerals start at the dead person's house, and they carry the open casket out into the street before loading it and all the funeral guests into a bus), hearing the sickening sound of someone's skull cracking in the street during a brawl outside our hotel during those first few weeks, paying $3 for a head of lettuce the size of a fist at a hard-currency store, ordering pizza to be delivered to a phone booth (since the pizza delivery company apparently wouldn't deliver to anywhere other than that particular phone booth for safety reasons), buying a piglet and listening to it squeal in the trunk on the way back to town before eating it that night, watching my parents get smashed on vodka at various official and unofficial functions--I really remember quite a bit, but I'm looking forward to seeing it all again with more adult eyes.

Anyway, I should go to bed, so that I can get up early tomorrow and do all the things I should have done tonight. I didn't accomplish much this weekend--I was supposed to make some major decisions about work this weekend, but I haven't come to any definitive conclusions. I managed to do some laundry, sort my closet, have brunch w/Terry, and entertain Claude and Vidya with pizza and the Discovery Channel, but I wasn't as productive as I should have been. Tomorrow's a new day, though--and in three nights, I'll be getting on a plane for Iowa! Yay!

find a brand new way of seeing - your eyes forever glued to mine

I spent all day today at a management offsite at the Sheraton, which reminded me of the two days that I spent there last year when I was homeless. It was quite refreshing then to spend two days sleeping in a real bed and watching the Olympics...but this experience wasn't quite like that. Instead, we spent the whole day talking about the business, and then went back to campus for an evening activity. The evening activity was great--we made sushi, which was both fun and delicious. Now, though, I'm exhausted. Spending all day thinking and interacting is always tiring, and it didn't help that I haven't been sleeping well. But, this weekend should be good; I really have no plans, which is exactly what I need.

Okay, my laptop battery is about to die, and I want to go to bed. I'll blog more this weekend!

i've never seen you act so shallow or look so brown

I can't wait for vacation - I'm sorely in need of one. I also can't wait to be over the jetlag from my last trip to Europe; I woke up at four a.m. convinced it was time to wake up, then got up for real at seven, and by two p.m. I had a smashing headache and was ready for bed. No rest for the wicked, though, since between 2pm and 6pm I had six different one-on-ones with some of the people who report to me. I like them all, so it's definitely not a hardship, but it was hard to concentrate since I'm so tired.

After work, I was much in need of some relaxation, and I found it in the form of two back-to-back dinners. The first was a margarita and some nachos w/Kim, who just returned from Ann Arbor; the second was a glass of water and some emotional damage with Sri, Vidya, and Claudia. The first involved a lot of venting about work (I need to stop venting and adopt a more zen-like approach, since anger doesn't do anything other than make me more angry), while the second was weird - the four of us were more obnoxious towards each other than usual, and not really in a good way.

This is where I'm supposed to go off on a tangent about how Claudia and all of my other friends are moving away, and how sad I will be when that happens, and how I'm growing up, etc., but you've read it all several times before, so I shall refrain. I am concerned in general about my future, but it's mostly because I don't know what I want, not because I'm really worried about being lonely (although part of the question of what I want is whether/how to find a partner in crime, how to prioritize/balance work vs. life, etc.). My most immediate concern, though, is going to sleep so that I can get rid of this headache, so, goodnight!

i'll rid you of possessions fleeting

It's back to the grind in California--although I really can't complain, since I only have seven days in the office before I go on vacation. Due to jet lag, I woke up at 3am and 4:30am convinced that it was time to get up; when I woke up at 6:15am, I decided to give in to fate and get out of bed. I played DDR for half an hour (that counts as working out, right? I need to start doing that again), then showered, then spent half an hour blow-drying my hair. I still made it into the office around 8am, which is an hour earlier than I would have normally gone in, particularly on the Monday after an eventful weekend.

I should probably pursue this course of action more often--it was nice to have time to eat breakfast and check email before going through my endless stream of meetings. Even better, I got tons of compliments on my hair--which either means that it looked really nice today, or it normally looks like crap. It's probably a combination of the two, since I usually drag myself in with wet hair jeans and a sweatshirt, and minimal makeup approximately one minute before my first meeting of the day. Today, by contrast, I arrived an hour early, with hair that I had prepped using root booster, mousse, and styling gel (and two different sizes of round brushes while drying), a very cute crocheted sweater over a camisole w/lace trim, and my bling-bling Versace sunglasses. Whether I can keep this up remains to be seen, but it was nice to feel like I looked nice, so perhaps I'll put in some effort going forward.

Now, though, it's time for bed - I hit the wall around 2pm today and didn't really recover, so I'm going to crash. Goodnight!

a friend who bleeds is better

I got back from Dublin last night, and managed to keep myself awake until eleven p.m.--difficult, since I had slept four hours the previous night, and only dozed for a couple of hours on the eleven-hour flight from London to SF. I slept for ~11 hours last night, which was fantastic. Then, I played DDR, showered, spent an inordinate amount of time blowdrying my hair and doing my makeup given that I had no plans to see anyone, and went to the mall. I spent a lot of money at Ann Taylor (remind me that just because things are on sale at Ann Taylor does not mean that they are cheap!), bought a new bag/carry-on for my upcoming trip to Ukraine (not that I needed it, but I'm kind of sick of my backpack and so went for a tote-style model), and then came home. I spent an hour and a half on the phone w/my parents, made myself some spaghetti and chicken for dinner, and hung up my new purchases. Now, it's only 9:30pm, but I'm exhausted, so I think I'll go to bed soon.

Dublin was fun--I'd forgotten how much I liked the city, and now I'm vaguely regretting all over again that I had to come home after only three months last year. Then again, it's nice to have a life, boring though it is--although my life was nicer back when more of my friends lived around here and I spent less time working. I was thinking about my life on the plane yesterday, and I think that at this stage in my career development, when I'm still undecided about business school, writing, becoming a hermit, or switching fields and going into government or academia, what I really want to learn is how to be an effective leader. I'm not sure that my current position is going to teach me that--I'm managing people, but I have so many of them that I don't feel like I get to do a lot of active mentorship, and I'm not in a position where I have to direct them towards a common concrete end goal. I think if I had one or the other, I would be happier--working toward a common end goal (with an actual end) would give more milestones and a sense of checking off lists, while having fewer people and doing more mentorship would make me feel like I actually had some positive influence on their careers. Instead, I sometimes feel like I'm there just to make sure that they all show up and don't inadvertently or maliciously do something disastrous.

Regardless, I think that learning how to lead people is a valuable skill that can serve me well in whatever field I move into--particularly if I get to become a dictator someday, but even if I just stay in more traditional lines of work. At some point I'm going to have to decide what the next step is, since I want to feel like I'm choosing my life rather than stumbling into it, but we shall see. Now, it's time for bed!

Cheerio!

After a mad dash across five miles of heathrow terminal hallways, I am
about to take off. Goodbye old world, hello new world! When I write
again, I shall be in America!

You gotta buckle down, dig deep, and pray the other team gets cancer

The Irish have apparently discovered south park, which makes me happy.
I just watched three episodes, including "the passion of the jew",
which was hysterical. Now I should be packing, but instead I am trying
to make something coherent on my tiny keyboard.

The end of the summit was bittersweet; the summit was productive but I
am technically moving off this team after over three years, which is
extremely weird. I should have gone loit with the summit people after,
but instead I went out with Matt; true to form, I intended to go for
one drink, but I ended up having a steak and five glasses of wine
instead. This isn't a surprise at all, given now often this happens
when I go out with him. Anyway, it was great to hang out with him, and
we talked about all sorts of things...work, India, Dublin, personal
lives, politics, history, etc. Too bad that I digby say goodbye to
some of the dubliners, but I love Matt, so it's all good.

Now I should stop watching TV and pack my bags...the morning will come
all too soon. Tomorrow, I will be back in the US!

It was grand, like, part deux

Sorry, didn't mean to send the last one. Anyway, I love Irish phrases,
and listening to the Irish talk is an absolute joy. My favorites are:

It was grand, like
Having a laugh
You're taking a piss!
Have a think on it
Great craic

There are more, but I can't think of them now. I had plenty of time to
listen to them talk today...we did all sorts of high-level, important
discussing today, and then left at four pm to take a tour of the
Guinness storehouse. Funny that I didn't make it there the last time I
was here...they speculated that I was the first American to come to
Ireland and not go on that tour. Fair guess, since it gets the most
visitors in Dublin (900000 per year). It was pretty cool, particularly
the bar at the top overlooking the city.

After the tour we had tapas for dinner, which were delicious, and I
followed up my free guinness with several mojitos, so I am quite happy
now. I should go to bed, though...I am getting calloussed thumbs from
writing on my blackberry (or swampberry), I have to go to work
tomorrow, I have plans to go out for a drink with my friend Matt
tomorrow (and one drink with him inevitably turns into ten), and I
have to leave the hotel at eight am on Saturday to fly home. Crazy!
So, farewell, and I shall write again soon.

It was grand, like

Vids...I get back Saturday late afternoon.

Swampuncle...I had half a Guinness for you at the Guinness Storehouse!

feed a fever

I felt much better when I woke up today, despite a lingering headache
and a slight touch of nausea, so I apparently didn't have meningitis
:( We had a v. productive day at our summit, full of much fun and
contentious arguing, which is my favorite thing to do. After work, I
had indian food at the place I always ordered takeout from; Lauren,
Jenni, and I reminisced about hyderabad, which tolu, bethany, and sean
seemed willing to listen to, and we ate copious amounts of food. It's
nice to be living the expat lifestyle again, if only for a few days. I
also saw the strangest toilet seat ever, which I will have to post a
picture of someday...words do not do it justice.

After dinner, we successfully found temple bar, where I had a baileys
and a baby guinness, which was just enough to make me feel warm
without making me feel fuzzy. Then we came back to the hotel, and now
it is time for bed!

you say potato, i say meningitis

It's funny, whenever I get sick, I assume I have meningitis, and then I never go to the doctor. When I woke up yesterday morning at four a.m., started vomiting, and skipped the first day of the conference to sleep and vomit the day away, I thought 'I have meningitis'. When I woke up this morning (after having slept for eight hours after having slept off and on for eight hours during the day) with a raging headache, stiff neck, and remaining nausea, I thought 'I have meningitis.' My solution to all of this was to try for a stiff upper lip and go into the office regardless. My head hurt all day (and still hurts), I didn't really eat much for lunch, and while I managed to eat dinner (v. fancy, delicious steak, w/a crab appetiser), I didn't finish everything--which should show how sick I felt, since I wasn't able to finish a measly 8-oz steak fillet.

So anyway, I hope I feel better tomorrow, because I don't want to have to deal with finding a doctor here. I'm banking on the fact that my neck hurts because I slept so much, and my head hurts because I'm seriously short on caffeine - I usually drink 32oz of iced tea, 20oz of Diet Coke, and at least one cup of coffee during a workday, and so the fact that I'm both dehydrated and low on caffeine can't be helping matters.

Anyway, I should really go to bed, since I have to go into the office tomorrow. I must say that despite my miserable headache, I'm enjoying being back in Dublin--I'd forgotten how much I liked certain aspects of it. Too bad I'll probably never be able to swing another stint here. I hope all is well in the States - it's time for bed!

Smirnoff escaped the revolution

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Sara Wampler

Date: Sun, 15 Apr 2007 13:18:37 -0700
Subject: Smirnoff escaped the revolution

I took my coworkers all over Dublin today, retracing many of the steps
that I took about a year ago this time. We went to Christ church,
Dublin castle, St. Patrick's, and trinity college. I dumped them at
the book of kells and did some shopping, which resulted in me buying
the waterford crystal wine glasses that I had coveted a year ago.
Silly me. Then I had a late lunch, where I ran into my friend Matt, so
we hung out. I met up with everyone again for dinner, and took them to
the schoolhouse, one of my favorite restaurants near the office. Now
it is around nine pm, but I am wiped out, so I think it is time for
bed.

First, though, please note the esteem that I have for both you and the
written word--I typed this relatively long post on my tiny blackberry
keyboard. Hopefully it doesn't cause a debilitating wrist condition
before I have to put my mobile blogging skills to the test in Ukraine!

Okay, enough for one night...I hope all is well in America!

Ye olde memories

I am safely in Ireland...well, my person in general is safely in
Ireland, but since I have been on the ground for seven hours and have
already had two pints of Guinness and two baileys on the rocks,
perhaps my liver isn't safe in Ireland. Ah, well, that isn't a
surprise.

Tomorrow I am doing the same tourist things I did a year ago around
this time, so I should go to bed. Goodnight!

Goodbye America!

My plane is taking off in ten minutes, which means I will take an
ambien and be dead to the world in about twenty minutes. I will blog
again when I reach abroad!

testing mobile blogging

this is just a test to see how sending a post to my blog from my
blackberry works...if it works, I can blog on the road!

so let me slip against the current

I signed onto my gmail chat briefly tonight, and Oniel greeted me w/considerable relief that I'm still alive and have not been sacrificed in some strange cult-like ritual at my company. I have been rather unfortunately incommunicado--tonight was the first time I had signed on in several days, mostly because I'm always in meetings and so can't chat even if people do IM me. Tomorrow, I have meetings solid through the whole day, and then I have to come home, pack, clean up the apartment a bit, and leave for Dublin Friday morning. Crazy!

I wish that I had anything else to talk about, but I don't, so I suppose I should take this opportunity to go to bed. I hope my aunt had an appropriately scandalous birthday!

dethrone the dictaphone

Happy birthday to Aunt Becky - it's officially April 11, which means she's officially 29 again! Congratulations!

Today was fine...I spent a lot of time in meetings, but took a timeout to have lunch with Lauren (aka Subz) in the glorious sun of the courtyard. Once they finish the cafe in my building, it's going to be truly spectacular; right now we're scraping by on (free) sushi, (free) sandwiches, and (free) barbecue every day, but the cafe will exponentially increase our options, and the barbecue will expand and offer live music once a week. I'm so spoiled. I left work around 7pm and did some laundry (and was frustrated that one of the washing machines didn't actually rinse my sheets, so I had to dig them out of the barrel of suds and rewash them, delaying everything by 25 minutes). I also talked to my brother on the phone for a few minutes--he sent a message asking if I was ever going to reconnect to the grid, since I haven't signed on to any instant messaging technology in days, so I felt the need to check up on him. After the laundry was done, I came home and worked from 10pm to ~1:15am. Now it's time to go to bed...of the 18 hours that I technically should be in the office over the next two days, all but 2.5 of them are already booked for meetings, which means that I'm going to have to work late both days to stay on top of emails, tasks, etc. Oh, well, I love whining about how busy and important I am, so things are pretty good right now. Goodnight!

you have no chance to survive make your time

There are times when I'm slightly upset that my friends think that I have bad taste in movies--really, what's so wrong with 'Sahara' or 'The Italian Job' or 'Ten Things I Hate About You'? And then, there are times when I'm ashamed to admit that they're right--while I don't necessarily *like* bad movies, I must admit that I'm *drawn* to them, as a moth is drawn to flame. I want to see them, to see if they will turn out to be wonderful and just misunderstood, or to see if one of my favorite actors can overcome the bad script and his own mediocre acting skills to turn in a performance worth remembering.

So, true to form, when I finally broke down and signed up for Netflix this weekend, the movie that ended up on top of my queue was 'The Family Stone'. Not 'Million Dollar Baby', not 'Crash', not The Last King of Scotland' (although I haven't seen any of them)...but 'The Family Stone'. I thought that Luke Wilson would redeem it, but he was slightly too grubby and greasy for even my rather dubious tastes (Tammy, I know, will be shocked). And, any lust I may have felt for him was not allowed to flower beneath the withering hatred that I feel for Sarah Jessica Parker. My favorite gossip blog calls her My Little Pony Parker, which makes sense, since she does have a rather horse-ish face. How she ever ended up famous is beyond me. Every single person in the family, with the exception of the deaf brother and his black life partner, and possibly the pregnant chick, was annoying at best and detestable at worst. And the storyline, which involved two brothers and two sisters conveniently swapping to end up paired with the right person, was just stupid. And I couldn't for the life of me understand how Luke Wilson's character could fall for SJP's character--nor could I understand how the real Luke Wilson could decide that it would do his career good to be in this movie, or how he could cuddle with her without bringing along an apple or some carrots to give her afterwards.

Ugh. Now I've just spent 10 minutes reliving my loathing for it, which makes it even worse! The other two movies that I received were 'Casino Royale' and 'The Prestige'--I should have watched one of them instead, but I was in the mood for something light. Bleh.

It doesn't help that I spent twelve hours at work today, came home, watched the stupid movie, then worked for another hour, but c'est la vie. I leave for Dublin on Friday, which means I have an endless amount of stuff to get done before then, so I should probably go to sleep!

i must confess i had a wish to love you all along

Yesterday, I left work at 4:30 (shocking, I know), and went to downtown Palo Alto, where I proceeded to hand over a fistful of money to a girl who chopped my hair off for me. I'm not sure what it is that propels me to use 35 words to say 'I cut my hair', but you surely know by now that I'm too wordy for my own good, so I hope you'll forgive me.

The haircut looks really nice; similar to what I got in Cape Town, but a bit less mullet-y. I think that I look better with short hair--I had been enjoying the ability to pull my hair into a ponytail, but I never bothered to do anything else with it, and I think it makes me look younger and less professional when my hair is all frizzy and half-wet at work. So, maybe I shall try to keep it trimmed--but I'm always too lazy to make an appointment for a trim, so it's quite possible that I'll just grow it out for nine months and then chop it off again.

I got up early enough this morning to meet Claude and Sri for a ten a.m. brunch in Menlo Park. The food was delicious, and the conversation was even better--we discussed many things, among them Hinduism, Christianity, and temples v. churches. Afterwards, I went to Crate and Barrel (where I succumbed to weakness and bought a new duvet cover for springtime), came home, and cleaned my apartment. Then, Salim and Heather came down from the evil city, and I spent the afternoon driving around Mountain View and Palo Alto with them--they're interested in moving down from the city to shorten Heather's commute, and I'm always willing to help people who have come to their senses about living in San Francisco. We drove past the hovel that I shared with Walter oh-so-many years ago, which brought warm memories to my heart.

I haven't really done anything else to speak of, except read a romance novel; now I should really go to bed, so that I can accomplish something worthwhile tomorrow. Goodnight!

easy breezy beautiful

Oh, this is upsetting. I somehow ended up watching the beginning of 'My Name is Earl'...which I normally don't watch because I think it's really annoying. However, I just got lured into watching too much of it because three of the characters sang a couple of verses of 'Convoy' after playing with some walkie-talkies. I'm such an idiot!

Speaking of being an idiot, I left work, went to the mall, and spent waaay too much money at Sephora. I think I vowed a couple of months ago to stop buying lipgloss, but I bought some anyway. I watched 'Scrubs' when I came home, which made me happy, watched 'Andy Barker P.I.' and 'My Name is Earl' while working, which didn't make me happy, and now I should consider going to bed!

you fight me for my love

I don't really know what to blog about tonight. I think that it's a good thing that I'm going to Dublin for a week--this is the first April in three years that I'm not picking up and moving to a foreign country, and I think the fact that I'm staying put is starting to drive me crazy. Perhaps it's driving me crazy because I'm recognizing that California doesn't hold the promises that I want at this stage in my life. I don't want to live in California forever, so I don't want to date a West Coaster (they're all soooo convinced that California is the only place one could possibly want to live), which means that I have v. little incentive to try to meet guys. Many of my friends are on the verge of moving on in the next few months; Claude's leaving this summer, Vidya and Terry may apply to school, Zach's getting married and moving to Yale, Adit'll probably only be around another year-ish, Oniel and John are already in the East Bay and thus dead to me, etc. I have lots of friends at work, but work is another issue--I like what I'm doing, I like the group that I'm a part of, and I can see tons of opportunity for advancement, challenge, etc., but I'm still not sure what I want in general.

That reminds me of the analogy of climbing to the top of the ladder only to realize that you set the ladder up against the wrong wall. The problem is that I can't sort through all of the possibilities in front of me and find the one that I want the most; I could stay and have a nice, conventional, comfortable life, with enough money to travel frequently and live safely. Or, I could leave, write novels, and potentially starve to death, without enough money to travel to the places I want to see or enjoy the various activities I like to pursue.

Anyway, none of this has to be decided tonight--but I keep saying that and have been saying that for years, and so I stay sort of quietly annoyed with myself for not making a decision, so I need to come to some conclusions at some point soon. Beyond the brooding, though, I had a pretty good day--I had a few hours without meetings today and so I didn't feel overwhelmed, and I left around 6pm to get a manicure and a pedicure with my former team (all girls, except one guy, but he was on vacation this week). I came home, watched 'Scrubs' reruns, read some news online, and now I'm going to go to bed. Goodnight!

let's follow the cops back home and rob their houses

Okay, fine, Vidya. Vidya and I watched 'Planet Earth' last night on the Discovery Channel. It's v. breathtaking - the opening sequence of various animals and landscapes set to some moving world music was just as inspiring as, say, the opening sequence of Civilization. Okay, maybe even more moving, which says a lot! As I told Vidya, I think I want to buy the whole 'Planet Earth' set so that I can show it to my kids someday when we're all living in dome cities.

Not that I would necessarily mind living in a dome city--I've always thought geodesic domes were the bombdiggity. However, I do like going outside occasionally to rapidly burn my pasty white skin, so hopefully they have tanning beds in our geodomes of the future.

Anyway, 'Planet Earth' is pretty cool - there were some dudes who spent an entire year living in Antarctica just to film some penguins. There were also some dudes who spent two months scouring the Gobi Desert looking for a rare type of dromedary. I can't even imagine what it would have been like to be on one of those production crews. The very thought makes the blood sing in my veins and lures me into thinking about suitcases, airports, and adventure in the far-flung reaches of the world.

Today, I went to work, stayed at work until ~9pm, came home, watched some tv, did a bit more work, and now it's time to go to bed. The good news is that I got through a ton of things on my to-do list, and tomorrow looks relatively empty (I have five whole hours in which I don't have meetings! Shocking!), so I could get even more caught up. And that, my friends, is a v. good thing. But for now, it's time for bed!

tear us in two, is all it's gonna do

Yesterday, I had a v. lazy day, so I can't come up with a justification for not blogging. I got up late, had a sandwich, then got a massage and a glycolic peel. The spa wasn't the most relaxing thing ever; rather than being treated by a woman, I was submitted to the tender ministrations of a sixty-year-old dude named Igor, who hailed from St. Petersburg. It was v. strange; obviously nothing untoward happened (and he didn't get as frisky and inappropriate as the woman who massaged my breasts during the facial I got in Delhi), but I don't think I like being massaged by guys.

Afterwards, the glycolic peel was also mildly uncomfortable--I mean, I expect the acid part of it to be uncomfortable, but the woman did some extractions first, and she was pushing so hard on my nose that I was afraid she would shove it up into my brain and kill me instantly. Luckily she didn't quite reach that point, so I left mostly intact (except for the top two layers of my face, which were sacrificed on the altar of vanity). I came home and did nothing else except read a romance novel the rest of the day.

Today my blackberry played an April Fool's joke on me--I set my alarm for 8:20, woke up feeling less rested than expected, showered, and was about to leave for the city when I discovered that my blackberry had sprung forward as though daylight savings was starting today instead of a couple of weeks ago. So I sat, surly, on the couch watching music videos for an hour, bitter at my lack of sleep.

I followed my lack of sleep up with a trip to the city, which was surprisingly fun given how much I despise that place. I met up with Heather, Salim, and Lauren, and we had a delicious brunch, and then I hung out with Heather and Salim in their apartment for a couple of hours. It was great; then I came home and cleaned my apartment, did laundry, talked to my parents, welcomed Vidya (who's staying over), turned on my laptop at 10pm to discover that I completely forgot/avoided to do two things that had to be done this weekend, so worked until 1am. Great way to end the weekend, eh?

It's amazing how much you can get done on a weekend day if you wake up before noon--I never realized what I was missing. Now, though, what I'm missing is sleep, so it's time to go to bed!

fall into you is all i seem to do

Today was really stressful, primarily because I'm so damned busy at work that I can't even sit down long enough to check my email, let alone feel like I have a chance to do any work other than chilling in meetings all day. Unluckily my meetings today required a certain level of thought and engagement, so by the end of it my brain was completely fried and turned to mush. I hate feeling like I can't think, unless I've done it myself with too many vodka cranberries, so that was frustrating.

But, it's happily the weekend, and I left work with Terry around 6pm to watch 'Blades of Glory'. I recommend it--Jon Heder (aka Napoleon Dynamite) is hysterical, Will Ferrell isn't quite as annoying as usual, and I like that Craig T. Nelson was called 'Coach' all through the movie even though he's coaching skating rather than basketball. The movie had its ups and downs, but there were some truly classic scenes that made me laugh quite a bit. It also made me sad that I missed watching this year's figure skating competitions, so I'll have to get back into it next year.

After I got home, I was having trouble getting my brain to stop trying to reboot, so I decided to let it hibernate completely by feeding it a romance novel. I reread 'Earth Song', which I hadn't read in years--it may be one of the most hilarious romance novels out there, although it may not be to everyone's tastes given the sort of gratuitous aggression and mastery that is common in most medieval-period romances. I just like that it has a character named Gorkel the Hideous and that he breaks a man's neck by shaking him. It also reminds me of Katie, which in turn reminds me of simpler times, back when we used to row around the lake, slather contaminated mud on our faces, and drink orange sodas in the heat of the afternoon while the Amish watched us cavort in the water. Not that those things all happened on exactly the same day, but it's an amalgam of several v. touching memories.

Anyway, now it's time for me to go to bed--goodnight!

on top of the world you get nothing done

Work continues to be insane; luckily it looks like I might have an hour or maybe even two hours at my desk tomorrow, which will be a fantastic luxury. I just need to stop complaining, though; I would far rather be busy than be bored, and I'm much happier in general than I was three or four months ago. Perhaps work is to me what drugs/alcohol are to other people--by working all the time, I'm numbing my mind to the issues of what to do with my life and how to pursue my dreams. Injecting heroin into my eyeball would be faster, but would also be more detrimental to my physical and financial health over the longterm, so maybe I'll stick with corporate America.

In other news, I had dinner with Claude tonight, and we discussed her impending move away from California. Once she's gone, I'll only have Vidya (and no, Vidya, you don't get a tag--you only get one if I hang out with you) in terms of people I see all the time, and Oniel, Adit, Sri, Tom, Julie, Shedletsky, Terry, and some other random people in terms of whom I see occasionally. So, there goes my social life--it's a good thing I'm practicing to have no social life now! Actually, I'm exaggerating, since I have friends at work as well, but I definitely feel like I'm on the edge of a new phase of my life.

Before I start to ponder this, I think I need to sleep. The weekend can't come soon enough!

need for speed

No, I don't mean that I need methamphetamine, although it would probably help keep me awake. Instead, I'm referring to go-kart racing--it's awesome! I had a team offsite this afternoon; it's rather unfortunate that the go-kart place only allows people to go timed laps without passing eahc other, since it would probably be even more fun to be racing all at once. I did two five-lap runs, for a total of ten laps; my best time was 60 seconds. I was trying to get under sixty, but on my final lap the girl ahead of me was so slow that I caught her and had to slow down since I couldn't pass, so that pretty much sucked. 60 seconds was still respectable, though; I saw a few people around 58 seconds, and a lot of people in the 65-80 range, so I felt pretty good. Now, though, my arms are slightly sore from steering aggressively without power steering, and I had to remind myself that my Pontiac Sunfire is not a go-kart when I was driving back to the office, but I still had fun.

The rest of the offsite was pretty uneventful; I could have played minigolf, but I didn't. I did get to play DDR for a few minutes, but I'm clearly out of practice given that I got a D on 'Butterfly' :( I had some pizza, hung out, and went back to the office around seven p.m. I was going to get some work done there, but instead I talked to my parents for quite awhile before coming home. I did some work here (not enough, but it's never enough), and now I'm going to go to bed. I have a conference call at 8am tomorrow, which is always fun--and my days have turned into endless blocks of meetings, which is truly unfortunate. Oh, well, at least I'm not bored. Goodnight!

baby...did you forget to take your meds?

I'm exhausted, but in a good way! I went to work late this morning (10am, I'm such a rebel), spent the whole day in meetings (which means I have hundreds of work-related emails that have piled up and theoretically need a response, but it ain't gonna happen tonight), then left at 6:30pm for an offsite with the associate-manager group at Tamarine in Palo Alto. I love that place--I've gone there w/Tammy, Claude, and Shedletsky before, and recall being all super grown-up there. However, tonight I got to be even more grown-up, since I was with fellow managers, and I also got to eat a lot, since it was paid for. We had this delicious hamachi tartare (nothing like raw fish made into salsa), some amazing salt/pepper fried calamari, these barely-cooked steak skewers, some spring rolls...and that was just the appetizer. It was followed up by that green soup w/coconut, lime, and dumplings that I had w/Tammy and adored. The main course was gigantic prawns, some chicken, a nice-ish tofu dish, some great green beans, and a mushroom dish that I didn't even bother trying. The dessert looked great, but I was too full, so I just had a bite of chocolate cake. They also served four different wines with this extravaganza, but since I wanted to drive home (and since the director showed up), I paced myself and barely touched the last three. What a travesty!

Tomorrow looks to be more of the same--it's offsite week at work since it's the end of the quarter and we're in use-it-or-lose-it mode with team-building budgets. So tomorrow I'm leaving work at 3pm for some go-kart racing, and I may drop in to another offsite at 6pm to see someone defend his mechanical bull-riding title. Thursday I get an offsite break and so may have a bit of family time w/the crew; Friday I have a team lunch at Beppo's. How I'm supposed to get anything real done, I do not know. So, I'm going to go to bed now so that I can get up insanely early--goodnight!

i'll be the one to make you crawl

Michael - do you wish that you had never turned me on to Placebo's new CD? Or are you just glad that I stopped quoting James?

I had a decent day at work, in which I had a fun lunch with Alaska Matt. Then, I followed my slogging with dinner with Arod--we first went to Target to buy decorations for a coworker's desk for her birthday, then ate on campus (my work campus, not Stanford campus). After I dropped her back off at her building, I went back to mine, took care of ~30 minutes of work, and decorated my coworker's desk with streamers, garland, confetti, etc. Then I came home, looked for airfare for all of the trips I'm making in the next two months (and in particular my trip to Dublin in April and my trip to Zach's wedding in May), and am now exhausted.

Tomorrow doesn't look too awful, but I think I'm both sick and stressed--sick because I've developed my infamous cough (which makes me feel like I'm suffocating/drowning all the time), stressed (I'm guessing) because I've had a smashing headache all day that neither Advil nor Tylenol could resolve. But, things are getting better at work, and tomorrow night I get to go wine-tasting/eating at Tamarine, which I love, so that will be fun. Now, though, I should really go to sleep!

Dinner with Arod!

Arod doesn't like her photo taken...

For Alaska Matt

My favorite fabio cover!

i'd break the back of love for you

It's ridiculously easy to take a photo on my BlackBerry (what I'm now calling my SwampBerry) and send it to my blog, as evidenced by the grainy photo that I took at dim sum this morning and posted below. I'm going to have to try SwampBerry photo blogging more often--I think it could jazz the place up a bit, don't you? I realize that this photo doesn't have great quality, but it's because I had to use 3x zoom and be surreptitious to take a picture of a stranger in a restaurant (particularly since this stranger, in person, looked like he could send me to the gas chamber).

This morning I woke up of my own volition around 8:30am--this whole growing-up thing sucks, since I'm starting to wake up early on the weekends even though I want to sleep in. I got out of bed at 9:30, showered, then drove to Woodside to pick up Shedletsky. We went up to the opium lounge for dim sum, where was had a veritable shrimp massacre--between the two of us, we had two orders of steamed shrimp in bean curd, one deep fried shrimp in bean curd, one deep fried shrimp with mayonnaise, and one har gar (aka shrimp dumpling aka shrimp families, so named because it's like a whole family of shrimp wrapped in a delicious ball of goodness). We had a good time, although I was sad that Tammy wasn't there to partake in the festivities :(

I came home and wanted to rub my belly for awhile before taking a nap, but I ended up spending ~4hours on the phone. This was quite strange, since I usually try to spend no more than four minutes on the phone unless I'm talking to my parents, but it was special circumstances--I spent 90 minutes on the phone w/my parents, ~25 minutes on the phone w/my nephew and nieces (happy birthday Zane! my nephew is thirteen today!), and and hour and a half on the phone with Katie, the queen of my heart and captain of my soul. Okay, perhaps that's an unnecessary exaggeration (particularly since I typed it, rather than saying it in an overly-gay faux-British accent), but it was great to talk to her--we hadn't caught up in ages, and we talked until I thought my bladder would burst (since I'd made two cups of tea during the convo), so we finally parted ways.

After catching up on Katie's life and reminiscing about our hometown and Walker, Texas Ranger, I went into the office and worked for an hour or so. Then, I met Vidya in San Jose for a v. leisurely dinner at this Thai place downtown. San Jose's downtown is strange; they've put so much effort into revitalizing it, and it all looks v. nice, but there's never anyone there, and the nice downtown areas are only a few blocks away from some places that feel genuinely seedy (and that I got vaguely lost in for a few minutes, since the ramp that I wanted to get on the freeway with was closed, and the detour was confusing). Having dinner w/Vidya was nice, and I feel like I relaxed enough this weekend to vaguely prepare me for the brutal slogging ahead. Hopefully this week won't be too bad, but given the various ridiculous things going on with some of my working relationships, I'm not holding my breath. So, I think I'll go to bed--and take my allergy medicine, which I have a bad habit of not doing even though I really should take it all the time, and the consequence is that I end up with a cough deep in my lungs that won't go away. The cough developed spontaneously over the weekend, so I'm hoping that my Allegra/Singulair cocktail will cure it--otherwise I'll have to move on to the whiskey cocktail, which isn't the same at all. Goodnight!