angels fall like rain

Today was a great day, if you ignore the fact that I only wrote a page and a half. My writing ground to a halt this morning, even though I got up relatively early and forced myself to stay at my desk until one. But I think I figured out what the problem really is, and I'm feeling like I might be unblocked tomorrow. Of course, this involves killing off four characters before they're ever born, which is going to do things to my plot that might be more dire than I'm currently imagining (for one, it changes the end game, which is always the part I hate the most (other than the beginning, and the middle)). But I think it's the right thing to do, and I hope that this decision will let me move ahead again without feeling like I'm banging my head against a wall.

However, I couldn't implement that solution tonight, since I had plans. So I stopped writing, took a shower, went grocery shopping with Terry, and then came home and had a nice, leisurely call with my parents (they are doing well, thanks for asking!). Then I cooked, since my evening plan was family dinner. I haven't cooked anything for anyone in ages, and my inner need to feed people was kicking into high gear, so I invited the family time group over for dinner. Only Adit, Katrina and Terry could make it, since John/Jess/Vidya were all out of the area and Priyanka was on call, but it was v. v. lovely. I made tacos, including a dish that was supposed to be a vegetarian filling but was actually totally fucking awesome in its own right (onion, serrano pepper, tomato, potato, and swiss chard - I'm not the world's biggest fan of chard, but this may convert me). So we sat around eating and catching up, then went to the roof in an abortive attempt to enjoy the evening before realizing ten minutes in that it was freezing as usual up there even though it was eighty degrees earlier in the day. So we came downstairs and watched '60 Minutes' instead, which was more appropriate for family time (and also hilarious, since we all know Sheryl Sandberg, who was the first interview, and were highly entertained by the bromance between David McCullough and Morley Safer in the second piece).

And now, I should sleep. But first, an update on my brooding. Serendipitously, I noticed that someone found my blog through a search term that led them to this post from June 2007. So I read the post...and reading it reminded me why this blog is quite good for me, even if it is probably mostly boring and an exercise in vanity. That post was angsty about my job and life, since as I recall that was when I was in one of my worst local minima over my workaholic tendencies. But even though I'm feeling similar angst now (and have similarly sparse and stress-eaten eyebrows), reading that old post reminded me that things get better, that I'm capable of changing my life if I don't like it, and that you're never stuck forever. So that was good, and may keep me blogging for another few years. Who am I kidding - I'll probably blog forever, unless Google kills Blogger the way they killed Reader (boo). Goodnight!

caught in a bad romance

I was lazier today than I intended, but I suppose that's not entirely a bad thing. I woke up earlier than I wanted to because some asshole started using power equipment nearby at 7:45am, a sin for which I hope he burns in hell. I laid around for an hour or so hoping I could go back to sleep, which was probably not an achievable goal given that I was actively reading news and social media stuff on my ipad. Finally, I got up, showered, tried to make myself look somewhat put together, and went down the street for breakfast, where my favorite cafe was surprisingly empty. It's a gorgeous weekend in SF, and it's also Pride, so I'm guessing a lot of people were either at the beach or recovering from partying or planning to party. But their absence meant that I could linger over my laptop and coffee, which was exactly what I needed.

When I came home, I procrastinated, wrote, procrastinated, wrote, napped, wrote, at supper, and wrote. All told I only got six pages; there's something wrong with this scene, and I think tomorrow I'm just going to have to skip it and go on to the next one rather than beating my head against it. Unless, of course, I wake up in the morning with the answer, which is always a possibility. But by 7:45ish I was totally frustrated, and so rather than aggravating my irritation by staring at it more, or indulging my self-loathing by reading twitter obsessively, I picked up a romance novel at random off my to-be-read pile.

I'm still halfway into THE SWAN THIEVES, but I was in the mood for romance instead, so I picked up DARK LOVER, the first in the Black Dagger Brotherhood series by JR Ward. This has been one of the most popular paranormal romance series around for the last six or seven years, and it's a little crazy that I haven't gotten into it until now. The first book has been sitting on my shelves for something approaching three years; judging from the pricetag on the back, I picked it up in the orgy of buying that I did during the Borders bankruptcy, in which I bought about a hundred books, most of which I still haven't gotten around to reading. There's been some speculation that the Borders bankruptcy contributed to the flattening growth curve of the ebook market in the US, and the analysis says that it's because there are fewer brick and mortar stores where consumers can 'showroom' books before going home to buy them on their devices. But I wonder if the real contribution is because a lot of power readers like me bought two years' worth of paperbacks in one glorious, hideous orgy of spending, and now feel guilty buying more ebooks when there are so many paperbacks sitting on their shelves mocking them. Or maybe that's just me. And clearly I still buy ebooks; in fact, I'm probably about to buy the next nine books in this series.

That will have to wait for another day, though. I need to go to bed, get up, and make some serious progress on Alex and Prudence before the weekend passes me by. Goodnight!

now a piece of me is a piece of the beach

I didn't intend to stay up quite this late, but then, I didn't intend for a lot of things. Today was almost like the days I used to have six months ago, when I would get up and slog away at my desk at home, but today I spent it all doing work for the man instead of writing. I ducked offline around four, though, and went downtown to get my bangs trimmed - a task that may seem like total vanity, but one that had reached the point of necessity since I was worried my bangs were going to scratch my corneas. My brow lady, though, casually asked if I was stressed - when I asked her why, without confessing anything, she said that my brows were falling out and that is often a sign of stress.

Hahahahaha. As though I need a visual cue for the fact that I'm more stressed than I was six months ago. Except I don't know that I actually am more stressed...in some ways, the mad couple of months at the end of a book is way worse than all the tongue-biting and commute-hating I do at the day job. But I should probably look into this, if only because I am vain enough that I don't want to lose my eyebrows.

sssanyway. I came home, had a glass of wine with Terry, and then we went down the street for fish tacos and some conversation. My conversation is mostly angsty; I'm going through a bit of a crisis of the faith in regards to my writing career, and unfortunately there are no easy answers. I don't know what I want to write after Prudence (both from a desire standpoint and from a marketability standpoint), I don't know whether to write the gargoyles as a young adult series or go a little older, I don't know whether to solely self-publish or shop to New York, and I guess I don't even know whether I want to keep writing romance.

The realization I had last night, and which I was too tired to share, was that I had considered writing something literary again, rejected it out of hand, realized I was rejecting it because I'm afraid of it...and so promptly had my usual self-flagellating instinct that I must do whatever it is I'm most afraid of. But is that a rational urge, or is it the same urge that draws me to places like the Aran Islands...places that feel like the limits of the known world, even if most of the world is mapped and I'm more fascinated by the limits of the human heart than I ever will be with climbing mountains? And would I possibly be happier, or at least have fewer ulcers and bushier eyebrows, if I could be satisfied with my current trajectory?

This is all a question for another time, since I can't solve it tonight. So I came home from dinner, picked a book at random off my overflowing pile of unread books, and ended up reading half of THE SWAN THIEVES by Elizabeth Kostova. So far, so good. And now I must go to sleep so I can write something tomorrow - goodnight!

gonna look in every corner of the city

I'm falling asleep while lying in bed with my laptop, so I think that means it's time to go to bed in earnest rather than pretending to work any longer. Today was v productive, though; I took the shuttle down and was able to work all the way down, and then I was surprisingly productive at work. I left the office a little after six, made a stop at Anthropologie (my weakness), and then had dinner at a mexican place in Palo Alto, where I brainstormed some of my young adult/new adult non-gargoyle romance, since I keep coming back to that story.

And I was going to tell you all sorts of fun and angsty things about how I'm feeling about my writing, but you'll just have to accept a placeholder: [insert brooding here]. There's no time for more brooding when I desperately need to sleep. Goodnight!

never gonna leave this bed

I need to go to bed immediately; I have some misplaced dreams of getting up early and writing before work tomorrow, which may or may not happen, but they certainly won't happen if I don't get some sleep. Today was good, though; I slogged all day, got a lot done, caught the four p.m. shuttle, and managed to answer email all the way home without throwing up in my lap (or the lap of the nice gentleman next to me), so I'll take that as a win. I procrastinated some when I got home, but then Terry and I walked down to Chestnut to have a v. leisurely dinner with Lauren (aka Subz), where I ate way too much sushi and drank too much wine. Perfection.

And that's really all I have to share - it's hot as balls in San Francisco tonight (balls of molten lava, not testicles), and I'm guessing there is massive partying going on in the Castro over the DOMA/Prop 8 rulings, but the Marina is just as quiet as it ever is on a Wednesday. I'm sure that will change this weekend, when I'm holed up like a hermit trying to write forty pages...but we shall see. That's all you get tonight, though - goodnight!

i'm still a rockstar

I don't particularly feel like a rockstar; I'm drowning in email, to the point that I may have to go nuclear and just delete everything that I haven't responded to since most of it is already embarrassingly old anyway. And by 'drowning in email' I mean every inbox related to every persona and job that I have - this is the downside of living a double/triple life. The other downside is that I can work all the time forever and not be caught up on anything...but I suppose it's better than being dead. Or filibustering for eleven hours and then being denied on a stupid point of order that makes a mockery of our legislative system. But I digress.

Today was fine; it was raining again, so I worked from home, which meant that I had meetings all morning, then snuck out of the apartment for lunch, where I wrote for forty-five minutes while eating restorative beef. Then I came home, ordered groceries online because I'm a spoiled tech princess, worked all afternoon, had my 1:1 with my boss (the little boss, I suppose?), and then made chili for supper (welcome to summer in San Francisco!) while doing some Sara Ramsey stuff. Then I spent the evening procrastinating, reading twitter, and prepping giveaway mailings before doing some more stuff for the day job. I know, you're so jealous. And now I need to go to bed so I can do it all again tomorrow -- goodnight!

spaceman says everybody look down

No blog for you tonight! After writing six pages before work and then slogging all day, I'm totally out of words. I had wanted to write twelve pages, but I made the mistake of crawling into bed with my laptop...and now the bed is winning the battle. So, I'm going to go to sleep early and hope that tomorrow brings the words back. Goodnight!

like a real aristocrat

I'm too tired to blog and had hoped to go to bed twenty minutes ago, so this shall be brief. I woke up in Texas and am now home, which is probably all you really need to know (if you need to know any of this). But the day was mostly fine, as long as I maintained my zen attitude about extreme travel delays. I ate breakfast with the family, checked out of the hotel, bid them a fond farewell, and then followed my parents and [censored] for about an hour and a half on the way to Austin. We waved goodbye to each other as they went off on the highway that would take them north on their endless drive home while I went to the airport to return my rental car and check in for my flight.

My flight wasn't supposed to be until 6:45, but since I got to the airport at one, I decided to pay the $75 to get a confirmed seat on the 3:01 flight instead. And this was the best $75 I ever spent (except for the cost of the sex show in Amsterdam, but I guess I didn't pay for that, so this is back on top of the list). As it turned out, all flights to San Francisco from anywhere in the country were delayed by approximately three hours because SF wanted to remind me why it sucks to live here and why I should be constantly questioning all of the life decisions that led me to this point. Or I could be less melodramatic and just try to fly in/out of Oakland instead of SF, but I digress.

So, my 3:01 flight took off at 6:45...the time that my original flight was supposed to take off. But when I landed in SFO, I got an email saying that the original flight was canceled, so if I hadn't done what I did, I would still be in Austin, and likely much surlier than I am now. Since I was in a relatively zen mood, though, I took a nap in the airport, played on my phone, and enjoyed watching strangers freaking out over something that was absolutely uncontrollable. Heh.

The rest of the trip was uneventful; I drank a glass of wine and wrote twelve pages on the plane, then came home and unpacked some of my stuff so that I can be ready for work tomorrow. And now that all the family fun is over, I must get back into the swing of my day job/writing life. And for that I require massive amounts of sleep - goodnight!

where seldom is heard a disparaging word

The second day of the family reunion was, in some ways, even more lovely than the first. For one, I almost died at the hands (paws, hooves, feet) of a more varied assortment of animals, since the drive back from the ranch was fraught with horrors in the form of deer, jackrabbits, and wild boars (both adult and piglet varieties). For another, I have verified that there is something genetic within my great-great-grandfather's descendants that leads to overactive imaginations, a fast and loose grasp on facts, wildly overambitious dreams, and extreme stubbornness (not that I will admit to any of those shortcomings myself). It also leads to the appearance of a strange new food that I've never seen: the Frito salad. If you can guess what's in it beyond Fritos, you get ten dollars and a heart attack. It's basically bbq fritos, canned corn (I believe it was canned; it may have been fresh), shredded cheddar, red pepper, onion, and I believe mayonnaise. Delish, right? I'll have to open a Fritos salad truck at Fort Mason food truck fair and see if that gives me enough money to retire.

I also heard many interesting stories today (notes for posterity: Wendell's father moving his whole family after getting pissed off at a school board for hiring an underqualified indigent widow; the five Comanche sisters getting someone to swear to never farm over their ancestors' cemetery; lessons in end-of-life planning; the Indian buried with a clamshell full of the teeth of a twenty-two-year-old white man and evidence of several bullets in his own body; the silver cross of Marquette and Joliet). And, even better, I got to hang out with my second cousin Lawrence, who is a few years younger than me and whom I hadn't seen since his grandfather's funeral five years ago. It was super fun to see him, and since he lives in Austin and I would like to visit, perhaps I'll see him again at some point in the future.

I spent some quality time in the swimming hole as well, which was absolutely perfect in terms of temperature even though I might have died if I had lost my water noodle (okay, I wouldn't have died, but I would have had a rough few minutes of it as I stopped panicking long enough to remember that I can swim). And I talked to a bunch more people, and generally enjoyed the evening. The whole shebang ended with a fireworks display that rivaled most of the ones I've seen put on by medium-sized towns - Wendell's sons went up to the top of the bluff overlooking the canyon, so the fireworks were perfectly clear and easy to see. Then, we bid our fond farewells, drove an hour back into town, had a bad experience at a Sonic (the shakes were tasty, but the speed was somewhat lacking in sonic-ness), and then hung out on Aunt B's deck.

And now, finally and sadly, I must sleep if I'm going to get up in time to have breakfast with zee family. Goodnight!

now you're just somebody that i used to know

I'm super, super sleepy, but I must report that the family reunion has been amazeballs. Granted, I know no one and am having trouble remembering names (when in doubt, say 'wamp'), but I'm having a truly lovely time. The morning started off right with a shower after five and a half hours of sleep (not enough), followed by breakfast with [censored], where we sat at the same table where the 'rents and Aunt B and Uncle Mark had been hanging out for awhile already. After we all had breakfast, we adjourned to the cars, where we had a loose convoy going - due to carsickness being a genetic commonality amongst us, we had to take three cars for six people so that no one had to ride in the backseat. [censored] and I beat the rest of them to the ranch, which took a good forty-five minutes. Even with a Google Maps tour from the comfort of my bedroom a couple of nights ago, I didn't fully appreciate just how remote this ranch is...

...but for all its remoteness, it's amazing. The facilities we're using are only used officially for a week a year plus some family events for the owners plus our family reunion (since Wendell is tight with the owners of the ranch) - and it's totally insane that this place is only used once a year for a large group of horseback riders. But they have a ninety-nine year lease on this part of the property, and have put in amazing bunkhouses, an amphitheatre, a swimming hole, and all sorts of other stuff that was v. cool to see.

Even cooler was seeing some of the extended family that I don't know/had only heard of. The attendees are all descendants of my great-great-grandfather (aka Patriarch Wamp - j/k), and since my great-grandfather was one of eight siblings, there are quite a few descendants. My immediate branch looks quite small by comparison. But I heard some truly amazing stories (note to self: rescuing shipwrecked sailors from the USS Indianapolis; a fourteen-year corresponding romance between a merchant marine/Clark Gable lookalike named Virgil and a girl with gorgeous blue eyes who'd suffered a severely debilitating bout of childhood polio that led to a shipboard wedding in Mobile; a cousin who died in a car accident and the attendees of the funeral who died in a car accident on the way home; the photos of my granddad and his twin brother on Wendell's wall; shooting wild hogs out of a helicopter rather than killing them with dogs and knives 'like you see on tv'). And I got a chance to hang out with the fam in a way that I wouldn't have otherwise.

After, [censored] and I survived the drive back to the hotel, and then we hung out on Aunt B's deck and drank some wine (okay, I drank most of it, even without Adit here to lead me astray). And now, I must sleep so that I can make another trip out to the ranch tomorrow. Goodnight!

all the federales say they could have had him any day

Hello, Texas! I have arrived in some small town in the middle of nowhere, where the hotel clerk thought that I was an axe murderer here to take out [censored] (sadly, I flew only with carry-ons, so I have no sharp implements with which to do [censored] in). There were more deer than I've seen in years along the two-hour drive from the Austin airport to my hotel, which was just slightly nervewracking, but I think my hands were shaking from the large McDonald's coffee with four creams and eight sugars (hello, diabetes!) rather than fear.

sssanyway, today was v. long - I went to work, slogged until two, and then sped to the airport, where I went to the wrong terminal because apparently United has started sending some flights out of Terminal 1. Luckily I was there early, so I took some stupid shuttle bus to the other terminal, grabbed a coffee, and got on a ridiculously small plane for 3.5hrs. I arrived in Austin at ten, got a rental car, discovered that the gas tank door wouldn't open, and so took the car back and got a different car instead. By that time it was eleven, so I was not looking forward to the drive - but I made it, and now [censored] is regaling me with tales of [censored]. And he's very upset about [censored], so now I feel bad because I don't watch videos. In that, [censored] and Terry have much in common to be frustrated with me about. And now I must sleep - goodnight!

mystic crossing

I leave tomorrow for Texas. Yes, I'm as shocked as you are. Which is not very shocked, hopefully, since I've mentioned this before. But still...I'm looking forward to a fun weekend with the family (the very extended family - this seems to be a gathering of descendants of my great-great-grandfather, almost none of whom I've met). But most of the more nuclear family will be there too (my parents, [censored], Uncle Mark, and Aunt Becky), and if nothing else I will hopefully get some great stories out of this. And, if I'm lucky (or rather, diligent), I'll get several pages of Alex and Prudence done on the plane.

The rest of my day was fine. I would even dare to say it was great until I spent two hours on the shuttle trying to get home. Boo. But the morning commute was good, all my meetings were good, I had some time to write some emails (not that any of you who have been waiting five months for me to get back to you about something would know), and I ate some pizza and went bowling with my team. Then I came home, had dinner with Terry, and packed for Texas. And now, alas, I must sleep - I have to work tomorrow morning/early afternoon, then hustle to the airport and hope that everything is on time. Goodnight!

get busy child

Too much work, too little time. The day job was good, or at least good enough - I still feel perennially behind, but then, it's easy to feel perennially behind when your boss is telling you to take it easy and not burn yourself out while you're ignoring his advice and secretly plotting to overthrow the entire publishing industry. I'm running into my 'count to millions' problem again, which means my personal goals and what I expect of myself are wildly above and beyond what others expect of me. Stupid, I know, since life would be a lot easier if I could be satisfied counting to ten. Perhaps I shall work on this...

...or perhaps I shall do what I did today, which was stay at the office until six-thirty, leave to gorge myself on Chipotle, and then drive home, where I worked for three solid hours on Sara Ramsey stuff. I wanted to get out another newsletter + giveaway (this time to choose the covers for Prudence's book - you can see them by clicking on sararamsey.com if you're so inclined). And I wanted to do it immediately, since I hadn't sent a newsletter since March and I don't want my mailing list to go more stale than it already is. So, I drafted the newsletter, set up the Rafflecopter for the giveaway, saved the potential covers, wrote the blog post, and scheduled everything to start running...and now I'm exhausted. And I have to get up in less than seven hours to start the whole shebang again. But my uptick in marketing is clearly paying off, judging by my improved rankings on Amazon...so there's no rest for the wicked. Or, in my case, no rest for the Puritanical.

And on that note, I must sleep so that I can slog hard tomorrow, come home, and pack for Texas. Goodnight!

fall from grace

Today was v. productive in the best/worst possible way. Best because I wrote ten pages; worst because I'm buried in day job stuff with no end in sight. I actually managed to get up and drag myself down the street to meet up with my writer friend at seven a.m., which is totally unprecedented and unheard of. Even more remarkably, I wrote almost ten pages in the two hours between when I got there and when I left to catch the bus to work. Crazy, I know. If I could do that a couple of times a week + a lot of weekends, I would feel good about life.

However, I went to work and had to ignore my writing the rest of the day; I have more stuff to do than it is possible to do unless I want to revert to my old bad workaholic habits, which I don't want to (although you'd be fooled, since I just worked from nine to midnight). Also, I ate a lot of gluten-free chocolate chip bundt cake, and the sugar kind of made me sick. Also, I have an eight a.m. meeting, which means I need to go to bed immediately if I'm going to get enough sleep (although I suppose that the naps I took on the shuttle will help me to stay alive). Also, this post is boring - I'm out of words. Goodnight!

why we gotta fall for it now

I should have gone to bed forty-five minutes ago as planned. The reason? I agreed to meet a writer friend (the girl from my retreat last weekend) at a coffee shop to write at seven a.m. tomorrow. SEVEN AM. As in SEVEN IN THE MORNING. What am I thinking?!

But what I'm thinking is this: I told my editor I would send her Prudence and Alex at the beginning of August, and as it is now the middle of June, I need to get cracking. If I can write for a couple of hours in the morning a couple of days a week, and maybe one or two evenings, that would help me get there much faster than writing nothing. Obvious, right?

Despite my lofty goals, I didn't write today; instead, I slept until 10:30, had a leisurely lunch with Terry, John, and Jess, and then hung out with Chandlord for a bit when I went to her place to retrive my car. Then I came home, talked to my parents (Happy Father's Day!), did some work-related tings (and by work I mean Sara Ramsey - some mailing list maintenance stuff in preparation for sending out another newsletter this week), and then had a fancy roommate dinner with Terry since we're likely not going to see each other again in forever (one of us, alternating, is out of town every weekend between now and the end of July). And now, I must go to sleep so that I can get tomorrow off on the right foot. Goodnight!

i woke up as your friend

I did not intend to stay up until almost three a.m. And if I did intend to stay up until three a.m., I intended to stay up because I was writing, not because I was socializing. I had grand plans to be a hermit today...but my heart thwarted them. Sorry, Hermit Sara.

The day got off to a slightly brutal start since I drank a bunch of wine last night, but I'm going to hope that it was the gluten I had with the wine that made me feel like shit, since I had an equal amount of wine tonight (sans gluten). But I dragged myself into some clothes and down the street for breakfast, which helped to revive me. Then I came home, worked for a couple of hours, and then took my laptop to a spa to get a fancy pedicure because I'm fancy. While getting my pedicure, I set up new tracking sheets for my word counts, sales figures, etc. - I've been tracking income, obvi, but I have gotten really lax on tracking sales by day/week to understand exactly what impact various marketing endeavors are having.

And while I was doing that exercise, I read through my old business plans/goals from a couple of years ago. The cool thing is that I've actually met most of the goals I had when I quit my job the first time - so I redid them with a new three year plan that is 10x more audacious in hopes that by putting those goals out there, I'll achieve them. We shall see, we shall see - but given the progress I've made in the past couple of years, and the fact that I'm still able to write despite the slings and arrows of day jobs and the occasional bad reviewer (like the lady who thinks Nick is a rapist and that my stuff belongs to a horrid pre-feminist world, when I think Ellie is a way more feminist figure than most romance heroines out there...but I digress)....given all those facts, I have every reason to believe that I can meet my goals (or, if not meet them, at least keep doing better).

Anyway, I came home with grand plans to write, but maybe I was feeling self-sabotaging because it's scary to put out there that you want to accomplish amazing things. So I didn't accomplish anything today. I did order Thai food, but that wasn't exactly a beacon of accomplishment. So when Chandlord texted me at eight asking if I wanted to come over and drink wine, I almost said no under the guise of forcing myself to be productive - but I hadn't hung out with her in forever, so I threw my laptop away and went over to her place to hang out. I made the minimal effort of putting on jeans instead of sweats, but I shouldn't have bothered - we drank a bottle and a half of wine, had a mindblowingly good time talking about life and tings, and watched five hours of a 'Friends' marathon. At some point, Maya and Jesse (aka Jasvinder) showed up, but that didn't lure us out of the house; instead, we drank more wine, watched more 'Friends', and talked a bit about the low carb life because we're old now.

Finally, though, I desperately needed to go home (and Chandlord desperately needed me to, as evidenced by the fact that she fell asleep in the two minutes when I was in the bathroom). And now, I should sleep; tomorrow is going to come much too soon (in fact, it's already here, that sneaky bastard), and I really do need to write tomorrow. Goodnight!

i got this feeling on a summer day when you were gone

Hello, weekend! I'm v. excited; this is the first weekend in a v. long time (four weeks?) that I don't have substantial plans that require me to be out of town. Also, looking at calendar, this is only the fourth weekend in the last twelve where I wasn't traveling or doing something major in SF that required one of both full days of the weekend.

Needless to say, I'm stoked about turning into a hermit and writing my little heart out. Maybe I'll change my mind on Sunday and socialize, but Saturday is for writing twenty or thirty pages of Prudence and Alex. Sadly, Saturday is also for recovering from whatever wine hangover I have; I just got back from dinner at Lauren and Nathan's, where I had more wine than was strictly advisable. C'est la vie, right? (or c'est Adit's vie, if that is at all understandable grammatically).

My day was mostly fine; I am having nightmares with too much regularity, which leads me to believe that I'm stressing about the day job and shouldn't be. Or maybe I'm stressing about the fact that the day job stresses me out. How meta of me. The day job was mostly fine today, though, particularly since I had a lovely (if unbearably hot - so hot that my silverware almost burned me when I picked them up after they'd sat in the sun for half an hour) lunch with Alaska Matt. I left at 3:30, spent an hour and forty minutes fighting traffic (I was surprisingly zen about it, since I wasn't running late and would rather sit at a standstill while driving than get car sick while sitting on a stop-and-go bus), and then got a much needed massage (because I'm a delicate flower who must pay people to make my body behave). After the massage, I put on some lipstick, gave up on fixing my hair, and went with Terry to Lauren and Nathan's for dinner. That was totally lovely, even if we're all concerned about 'kids these days' and the upcoming technology-driven apocalypse. Yay conspiracy theories.

And now, I must sleep; Prudence and Alex aren't going to write themselves (until I become a cyborg with a brain chip (tm), in which case they might). Goodnight!

mama said knock you out

I made it through my day without throttling anyone, so I'll consider that a success. It wasn't easy, particularly since I was wearing a power dress (which always tends to make me feel more badass and take-no-prisoners-ish), but I was in a good enough mood about life in general that I survived my occasional homicidal urges. Or rather, the people around me survived my occasional homicidal urges, and I'm about to crawl into my own bed rather than into a jail cot with my new cellmate lover, so this is really a win all around.

I was probably in such a good mood because I took the shuttle down (not good) and wrote four pages of Prudence on the way (great!). Also, I had dinner with Heather (aka dear respected madam) at my favorite Mexican restaurant, where my favorite waiter behaved himself and only rubbed my back suggestively once. Also, tomorrow is Friday, which means the weekend has arrived again, and I have high hopes to write a million words (or at least eight thousand). But now, alas, I really must sleep; I should have gone to bed two hours ago, but I failed as usual. Goodnight!

i saw the devil wrapping up his hands

I should have gone to bed two hours ago, but I'm an idiot and stayed up putting tinsel in my hair and playing with (personal) spreadsheets. Clearly that means I'm out of words and am incapable of doing anything writing-related. It's no wonder; I got up early, did two meetings over video from home before nine a.m., and then snuck out for a glorious hour of writing over huevos rancheros before sullenly getting in my car and going into the office. To make up for my laxity, I stayed at work until 7:15, which was approximately two hours later than anyone else on my team. I grabbed supper at work, drove home, and said about three words to Terry before telling her I couldn't bear to talk and needed to go upstairs immediately.

Once upstairs, I had planned to write - but as I mentioned I'm out of words, so instead I put tinsel in my hair. Then I started playing with earnings spreadsheets for my self-pub endeavors; since all the vendors pay out on different schedules with different reports, compiling the data is a bit of a beast. But sometime in March I crossed the 20000 mark for number of books sold; granted, some of those were $0.99, but overall I'm pretty psyched that I've sold that many copies, particularly since I only have like two friends - so obviously almost all of that is made up of strangers who didn't buy a copy out of pity. Yay.

And now, after sharing too much, I shall go to sleep and hope that the commute doesn't kill me tomorrow (and that I don't kill anybody at the day job). Goodnight!

all your love is just a dream

I'm exhausted and bitter, but simultaneously overjoyed and excited. Yes, I'm a seething mass of contradictions. Sorry for not blogging for the past two days; I was at a writing retreat where I not only didn't have email access, but I also didn't have phone access. So, blogging had to go on hiatus. But those lost words weren't wasted - I wrote almost sixty pages while I was gone, and I now have the full plot/structure/bones of Prudence and Alex's story. I was also deeply, deeply inspired by the three writers I was hanging out with, so that was totally wonderful...

...but then I had to drive three hours this morning to get back from the retreat and make it into the office at a reasonable time, and just about everything that could go wrong during my day did (including spilling barbecue all over my favorite shirt; luckily I had another shirt in the car, but I hope the stains come out of this one). And since I was feeling so inspired by my writing and so blah about my day job, it was v. tempting to walk out and never go back. But I suppose I'll go back tomorrow...which means I need to get some sleep to fortify myself for the slog ahead. And luckily I decompressed a bit with a friendship renewal dinner + catching up with Terry, so it's not all bad. Tomorrow will be better - and if it's not, I'll come up with a new plan. Goodnight!

she's up all night to get some

Today was a v. long but ultimately rewarding day. I woke up a little after seven, went through my hacking cough routine as I tried to wake up and remember how to breathe again, and then showered and dolled myself up so that I could go to my monthly romance writer meeting in Berkeley. I had to get up slightly earlier than usual because Vivi also had to shower, but we made it out the door on time (if you're aiming to be on time to the meeting rather than getting there an hour early to chat with all the other attendees). We walked in about five minutes before the meeting started, got settled, and then sat through an absurdly long discussion about the tax ramifications of various activities engaged in by our chapter (with no actual knowledge shared or point to discuss, as far as I could tell, other than a general expression of dismay followed by half an hour of uninformed speculation). Yes, I'm bitter about that, since I dislike wasting my time (or rather, I dislike other people wasting my time; I'm totally fine wasting my own). But the rest of the meeting was great. Even better, a few of us seceded from the general lunch group and had lunch together downstairs, so Vivi and I ate with Kristin, Allyn and Amber, all of whom were a blast and a half.

But all good things must come to an end (although I'll see Kristin tomorrow, since I'm going up to her cabin for a couple of days of writing retreat), and so Vivi and I went to Starbucks and grabbed a drink before I dropped her off at the airport. It was slightly earlier than she needed to be there, but since I knew getting back over the bridge would take over an hour, I couldn't afford to hang out any longer. So we bid each other a fond farewell, I struggled vainly against traffic, and then I took an hour-long nap as soon as I got home, which was the only thing that kept me going the rest of the night. I had a dinner party to attend, and I thought numerous times about bailing, but I felt that that would have been the height of rudeness, particularly since I'm still establishing my friendship with the hosts. So I rallied and went over, only to discover that Jesse (the male half of the hosting couple) was just as tired as I was and had wanted to cancel as well. Somehow that made me feel better, and so I was in for the rest of the night.

Dinner was lovely (lamb, yogurt and eggplant, all of which would have been anathema to me during my small-town-life childhood, but was delicious now), and the company was even more lovely (Jesse and Maya, Chandlord, Katrina, and some other nice random strangers who were strangers to me but obviously not strangers to Jesse and Maya). I stayed until ~11:20, and then Chandlord and I caught a taxi back in our general direction.

And now that I've been obscenely social for nigh on two weeks, I need to retreat into a hole and write. I shall accomplish this by going on this writing retreat tomorrow, and hopefully I can concentrate there and not have to talk much, since I'll have to start talking again when I go back to work on Tuesday and I'm not sure I'm ready for it. Luckily my bronchitis is getting a bit better (cough is the same, but tiredness is improved), so hopefully I can get some shit done. Goodnight!

don't you know your kingdom's under siege

I'm thoroughly wrecked. It has been a long, long week, particularly since I was gone all of last week and then spent this week trying to recover from the plague (with mixed to poor results). I thought I felt better this morning, but that was when I sat around and did absolutely nothing; talking or working or doing much of anything else makes me feel like total crap. So much so that I can't really contemplate doing any of the myriad social activities on my calendar for this weekend - I really just want to crawl into a hole and not come out. Bleh.

But it's not all bad; I got some work done today, and I did it from home, so at least I got to sleep in a bit and not have to fight traffic. However, I had to take a break in the late afternoon to go get my bangs trimmed, which had become v. necessary since I could barely see through them. Then, I came home and made mojitos for me and Vivi (and plied her, and later Terry, with most of them, since I quickly realized I shouldn't be drinking given my incessant coughing). We talked for quite some time, and then when Terry came home we decided to order pizza rather than going out. So we sat around, ate pizza, and watched 'So You Think You Can Dance'. Yes, we're lame. But that's okay; I didn't have the energy to go out anyway.

And on that incredibly dismal note, I shall apologize to you for being so negative, and I shall go to bed in an attempt to get not-negative (aka positive). Goodnight!

such a bitter form of refuge

I should have gone to sleep an hour ago to consolidate that gains I have made on my health, but it appears that I've failed at that endeavor. Today was mostly good; I got to work in good time, slogged all day (with a break for an Indian lunch with my team), and then got mildly carsick on the shuttle on the way home. When I got here, I hung out with Vivi for a couple of hours, and then she, Terry and I went out for Mexican food (the main point of which was margaritas, most of which we forced on Vivi).

But now, after that v. boring post, I need to sleep - goodnight!

dance monkey dance

I've still got the plague; I'm feeling better, but my cough is getting worse. Yay.

But I made it into work, after an hour and a half of driving, which nearly made me homicidal. I had a bunch of meetings, but I cut out at 3pm because I felt like crap. When I got home, I slept for an hour, then did some work, then had dinner with Vivi at my favorite fish taco place down the street. We talked about the industry and writing and life, which is always v. fun (except when the industry isn't fun), and then we came home and I did some more work. Bleh. And now, I shall sleep so that I can go to work at some semblance of the right time. Goodnight!

were you born to resist or be abused

Sorry that last night's post was incoherent - I was out of energy by nine and attempting to blog on my phone, which was clearly not the wisest course of action. Tonight isn't really much better, but I'm at least typing on a proper keyboard, so muscle memory may take over where my brain fails me.

Sadly, I'm sicker than I was yesterday, which is super annoying. This round feels exactly like the bronchitis I had in February. So I didn't bother to go to the doctor; I still have most of the inhaler that they gave me last time + 40% of the codeine cough syrup, so I'm going to medicate myself and hope for the best. But today was not good. I slept for almost twelve hours last night, which helped, but I probably should have napped more this afternoon rather than trying in vain to be productive. Needless to say, I wasn't productive at all, but I so wanted to be because I'm feeling v. behind on the day job due to my trip last week.

But instead of being productive, I laid around, laid around some more, attempted to answer some emails, and then laid around again. Sometime this afternoon, though, I had to get up because my friend Vivi (aka Sarah) showed up. She's visiting for the next few days, and the original plan was that I would leave a key for her so she could let herself in while I was at work - but since she showed up, I was here to greet her. We ended up going out for a late lunch since I had no food in the house (does a milkshake count as lunch? cause that's all I wanted). Then we came back here, I laid on the couch some more and took a couple of calls for work (with mixed results), and then I laid on the couch again. Are you sensing a theme?

Eventually Terry came home, and we ordered Thai food and watched 'The Voice'. And now I'm desperate to go to bed; I'm really really going to try to go into work tomorrow, so that means I need to get myself out of bed and into my car / onto a shuttle before traffic is bad enough to make me want to kill someone. Goodnight!

i feel that m fading like a flower

No blogging tonight - I am way tired and also sick with something that may become bronchitis. So I'm going to go to bed and ignore how my manuscripts and catastrophically overflowing inboxes. Good night!

lips and teeth to ask how your day went

I'm beyond tired, which I suppose makes sense since it's one a.m. in New York and I'm going to be jetlagged for a couple of days. Also, I didn't sleep well last night, since I've got a cold that will doubtlessly turn into bronchitis at some point (since everything I do turns into bronchitis). But I got up at 8:30ish, took care of some tings, showered, packed - and managed to pack everything into two carryons, which was totally unexpected. I didn't go wild and grab a whole suitcase full of free books at the convention like other people did (mostly because I didn't have any time, not because I was picky or too honor-bound), and I had to leave a couple of the free books that I did grab behind, but I'm really glad I was able to live out of a carry-on for eight days without any real disasters. I always pack the wronge combo of shoes, but at least I wore all the shoes I brought at least once (I managed to squeeze six pairs of shoes into my carry-on, which is one of the prime beauties of having small feet).

Anyway, you don't care about that. Perhaps you don't care about any of it, but I'll keep going. I checked out at 11, went downstairs - and found a ridiculously long line to store baggage. The luggage is actually stored by a robot (named Yobot), which seems awesome in theory (the robot picks up your luggage from where you put it, then moves it to a secure cubby behind a thick glass wall until you're ready to claim it again). But in practice, most people have never used it before and so are really slow, and in this case the Yobot just gave up the ghost and needed a maintenance guy to fix it. At this point I'm totally starving, since I'd been standing around for twenty minutes. So I dragged my stuff upstairs and had brunch in the hotel restaurant, where they put my luggage in their coat check.

The brunch was funny; clearly this place is trying to be hip. It was a fixed price brunch with unlimited drinks and food for two hours, which was utterly wasted on me since I just wanted something tasty and some coffee and a place to sit and work for a couple of hours. But even though it was way overpriced for what I had, the food itself was good, I liked their coffee, and they said nothing about me pulling out my laptop on their fancy outdoor terrace. Of course, I had three mimosas since otherwise the bill would have just been stupid, so I was a bit tipsy when I left...

...which explains how I just got in a cab to Newark five hours early. I'd already decided last night that I would go to the airport early and work, but the champagne made me temptable and almost lured me downtown to go shopping on Bleecker Street. But I ignored the fashionable bitch inside my head and kept my eyes on the prize today. And I'm so so glad I did; when I got to Newark, I was able to get onto an earlier flight (with no change fees) that left at 3:46 instead of 8:46. It was a middle seat, but I decided to take it so that I could get home five or six hours earlier. And I'm v. relieved that happened, because I'm now getting notifications for my original flight, which was delayed by at least four hours and wouldn't have gotten me home until two or three a.m. Thank you, travel angel, wherever you are.

On the plane, I wrote ~12 pages of the secret young adult series that I'm working on, which felt really, really good. Then I got home, unpacked everything (crazy, I know), ordered pizza, and was going to write...but I'm way too tired, and in the interest of not getting bronchitis, I should probably sleep. Goodnight!

if i took you home it'd be a home run

I didn't go to a club tonight, but luckily YOTEL is delivering the club to me - now that's full service, right? Yes, I'm being utterly sarcastic; their outdoor terrace may be a fun place to club for clubgoers, but not so much for the people living above it. Luckily I have earplugs; unluckily, I'm definitely getting a cold, so my last night in NYC may be a long one.

But today was v. v. good, even if I woke up feeling like death and had no desire to go to anything at all. I had to be at the convention at nine, though, so I dragged myself out of bed and into something vaguely respectable (okay, I wore jeans) so that I could sit in a conference room all day. Today's session wasn't a corporate meeting; I was spying on the self-pub crowd, where I ran into people who know me as my alter ego and have no idea what company I work for (although it said my real name/company on my badge, so my secret is getting out). Some of it was good and some of it was completely and utter dreck, as is anything I attend on self-publishing. The good mostly outweighed the bad, but by the end I was so tired and bored that I couldn't even feign interest when one of my San Francisco romance writing friends was on the closing panel. My bad.

However, the evening was substantially better; I won't name drop because that's obnoxious (and you wouldn't know them anyway unless you read a lot of contemporary romance), but suffice it to say that I hung out with two wildly successful self-published authors in the penthouse suite one of them had at 5th and 41st, overlooking the New York Public Library and Bryant Park. omg it was beautiful. The woman was there with her husband and daughter, who now runs her own book publishing/assistantship/consulting company, and so the five of us hung out for four hours and discussed the industry in great detail. It was totally worth it and I had a great time, even if I'm sure I'm going to pay for it next week when this cold turns into bronchitis.

Bella and I finally left around ten, and we shared a cab back to this side of town. Then, I did work for the man for the past two hours like the sad, stupid little corporate drone that I am. But I wanted to get through that stuff tonight because I am freeing up tomorrow to write incessantly - it's my only free day for awhile, and I may have just committed to an editing slot with my editor in August, which means I need to get cracking immediately. So I think I'll sleep until I wake up on my own, shower, pack, go out for lunch and work at a cafe for awhile, and then maybe head to the airport early and buy a day pass to the United lounge so I have a quiet place to work and a place to shower off the grime induced by NYC's 100-degree heat. Sounds like a plan, yes? Maybe a plan for a total workaholic, but a plan nonetheless. Goodnight!

the restless heart, the promised land

I'm too tired to blog, or to do much of anything else; I hit the wall this afternoon, and I realized there's no way to un-hit it unless I go to bed early and get nine hours of sleep. So, that's precisely what I intend to do. But today was good if you can ignore my exhaustion (which you probably can, since it isn't yours). I made it to the conference, met with several partners, and then took a break to grab coffee with Sarah, the writer friend I met up with the other night. We still had industry stuff to gossip about, so we spent a fun hour talking shop. Then I went back to work and met another client or two before calling it a day. I took a break in the hotel, but I eventually dragged myself out for a steak and a glass of wine down the street from the hotel.

And now, I must sleep. My mind is racing with all the million things I want to do with both of my careers, and it doesn't help that I'm feeling a massive urge to write. It also doesn't help that I have to work tomorrow. But I hope to write tomorrow night and Sunday so that I can feel like I'm making progress. But for now, after that ridiculously boring post, it's time for bed!

that was a turning point, that was one lonely night

The conference was v. conferencey today. And by that I mean I didn't want to get out of bed, was later arriving than I planned (which didn't have any consequence other than that I didn't get breakfast), and by the end of it I was burned out and exhausted from talking to people. The people I talked to were all v. good, so that was nice, but I'm just not enough of a people person to enjoy talking to strangers all day. Well, that's not true. I enjoy talking to strangers, but these strangers were all competent and lovely and didn't give me any good story ideas, and thus they are useless to me.

After the conference, I spent half an hour on the phone dealing with a work issue, and then I came back to the hotel and took a fifteen minute nap. Then, I went out to two dinners, which you can imagine was not what my hermit side wanted to do. The first was with my coworkers to a delicious Brazilian restaurant; the food was excellent, and it was super fun to hang out outside of work. The second was something I would have skipped, but I missed all the emails in which I was included in the reservation, and when I was going to cancel, I realized that the restaurant was only four blocks from the first one, so I really had no excuse not to go. So I dashed from the first dinner to the second, where I had a margarita and some chips with Terry, Annie, and Terry's NYC friends. Thus completely stuffed, I abandoned them to their plans to go out for another drink, and I came back to the hotel with the intention of being in bed by eleven. Sadly, I went back to my workaholic roots instead, and I spent the last hour catching up on vital work stuff. But if I go to bed *right now* I can get eight or eight and a half hours of sleep, which would do wonders for my day tomorrow. Goodnight!

and the public don't dwell on my transmission

I must go to sleep immediately; tomorrow is going to come all too soon. But I had another wonderful day in New York, which is again making me want to move here when I forget the fact that it's a louder, bigger, more claustrophobia-inducing version of the city of sin I already hate/love to live in. What is wrong with me and my inability to love a single thing and love it well? Sorry, future children!

sssanyway. I spent the day at the office, sitting in meetings and not getting any work done. I left the office around 5:15 and took the subway over to the east side of town, where I met up with Claudia (aka The Claude), who was lovely enough to come into NYC for the evening to hang out again. We went to Mermaid Inn and had their oyster happy hour, which has now officially become the thing I must do every time I come to New York - between us, we had 32 oysters, six glasses of wine, a beet salad, and some french fries, which was exactly the kind of supper I was born to eat. Granted, no steak, but I can survive the lack of steak once in awhile, and if you replace one letter in beet, it's almost beef, right?

After catching up on life and drinking just enough wine to be v. happy, we walked over to a book event that was sponsored by some people at this conference I'm going to tomorrow. That wasn't enough to get me out, since I have a job that pays well (unlike most publishing jobs) and so won't walk twenty minutes for bad alcohol in a noisy setting (ok, I will, but Adit or Chandlord have to be involved to get me there). But my friend Sarah was speaking for a few minutes at this party, so we agreed to meet up there. We ended up sticking around there later than I think any of us planned to, but afterward Claude, Sarah and I grabbed a late (second for me and Claude) dinner nearby, where Claude and I each had another drink and split some burrata and some ice cream/sorbet. Yum. It was also good to see Sarah in some venue that wasn't a conference (even if there is a conference tomorrow), and it was nice to hang out on the outdoor patio and take in New York.

But all good things must end, so Sarah went back to Brooklyn and I accompanied Claudia to Grand Central, where I waited with her until her train was ready to leave. Then I came back to my hotel, didn't drink as much water as I should have, and am now going to go to bed and wait for my hangover to arrive. Goodnight!

when i hear those voices at night

I should have gone to bed a million years ago, but I'm living the hip NYC life. The hip NYC life in a capsule hotel, which may make a little claustrophobic, but it feels v. hip nonetheless. I spent the day at the NYC office, which is in a massive building that takes up an entire city block and is super confusing to the uninitiated (or those who can't read maps that say which floors each elevator bank stops on, since we have parts of a bunch of different floors, none of which you can access from wherever you happen to be). But the pieces of the building that I saw when I wasn't utterly lost were totally nice. So nice, in fact, that I had a moment of wishing that I could move to New York. That moment stabbed itself in the face when I remembered that NYC's version of waste management is for every building to pile trash bags on the street until someone comes along to pick them up or the mythical Rat King of New York (tm) turns them into his fiftieth summer palace. I don't think I could handle that level of squalor nearly as well as I handle my liquor.

But I digress. Work was fine, and then I took the subway back to my hotel, where I was theoretically going to work until I realized I had no interest in working. Then I was theoretically going to write, but I had no interest in that either. So I read a lot of stuff on the internet, took a nap, and then went out for an unnecessarily-late 10pm dinner with Terry and Annie. Annie is in town from Australia and Terry is in town to see Annie, and they invited me out for dinner after the show they went to see. The food was excellent (steak, can't lose) and the company was also excellent, and it was all worth it even if I didn't get home until midnight. I spent the last hour doing work because I'm a stupid, uncontrolled addict, and now I'm going to go to sleep so that I can be worth a damn in my day of meetings tomorrow. Goodnight!

rollies that don't tick tock

I'm super tired, but I had a v. fun day in New Haven. When I woke up, Zach and Maggie made me a delicious breakfast (eggs with peppers, onions, tomatoes, and cheese, scrambled and then finished off in the broiler). Claudia came over for breakfast too, and she and I wandered away after to get coffee down the street while Maggie and Zach contemplated the messy move that is on the imminent horizon for them. They're done at Yale and are moving elsewhere later this summer, but in the meantime they have to get a one-month sublet, which is unfortunate. So, Claude and I left them to their own devices while we got coffee, and then we rendezvoused with them to go to a picnic up on a bluff (East Rock) overlooking Yale. Some friends of theirs were barbecuing up there, and it was all rather idyllic. The weather was gorgeous, the food was nice, and the company was lovely. Since I have only visited New Haven on nice days, I'm charmed by it, but I'm sure the months of endless winter and the constant threat of muggings and other violence would wear on me a bit if I had to live there.

Post picnic, we went back to Zach and Maggie's and I bid them a fond farewell. Then, Claude and I detoured for a drink and a bit of food on the way to the train station; I'm glad that I got to catch up with her, and I am hopeful that someday in our lives we'll be in the same city again. Eventually, though, it was time to head back to NYC, and I got on a train that got utterly, uncomfortably cramped to the point that I felt a little claustrophobic, but I survived the ride with my soul (if not my temper) intact. Then I took a taxi to my hotel, which is utterly ridiculous and not really helping with the claustrophobia; it's based off the idea of a capsule hotel, if that tells you anything, and was designed partially by someone who designs airline cabins. Their attempts to be charming and clever are not amusing me tonight, but perhaps I will be more amused tomorrow. And it seems clean, and it's only three blocks from the conference I'm going to later this week, so I suppose I can't complain (even though I clearly am).

Okay, enough kvetching...it's time for bed!

we're up all night to get lucky

Today was a lovely, albeit exhausting, day - I managed to get some sleep on the flight from SFO to NYC, although five hours wouldn't have been enough even if it was fully and blissfully uninterrupted in my own bed. But I got into Newark on time, took some time to freshen up in the bathroom, and then caught a cab to Grand Central, where I had approximately fifteen minutes to buy a train ticket and catch the train to New Haven. This was perfect timing, since I got into New Haven at eleven and was picked up by Zach (aka Pincubus) and Claudia (aka The Claude, aka Claud the Fraud). We came back to Zach's place, grabbed Maggie (aka Mrs. Pincubus), and went out for brunch at a local New Haven hotspot. Then we came home and spent the afternoon continuing to catch up, with a break outside to walk to a conservatory and enjoy the many and varied succulents and cacti.

Post perambulation, we came back to the house and made dinner. And by this I mean Maggie and Zach made dinner and Claude and I mostly tried to stay out of the way. We had a couple of tasty gin-based drinks in our noble effort to help Zach and Maggie winnow out their alcohol supply, and then we had a lovely dinner of black eyed peas with chard, rice, and tomato and feta salad, with mangoes and blueberries for dessert. Then, we decided to up the camp quotient and watch 'Beneath the Candelabra', the Liberace biopic starring Michael Douglas and Matt Damon. My verdict was that I thought their performances were incredible (as was Rob Lowe's face), but I was reminded that I often don't love biopics because it's hard to tell a compelling story arc with someone's life, particularly when multiple lives don't tie up together at the same time with neat little bows. But I'm still glad I watched it. And now, I need to sleep; we have grand plans to hang out some more tomorrow before I head to NYC and the day job tomorrow night, so I should get my beauty sleep. Goodnight!

that man is not your maker

V brief post that can't do justice to my day - I got up early, overcame my hangover, went out for breakfast, and then went to the Asian Art Museum to see the Terracotta Warriors exhibit (awesome). Then I came home, packed, and had a late lunch at Netties, where I brainstormed with wine. Then I made two videos for later romance writing promo, took a shower, and got to the airport just in time for my red eye flight to NYC for work/pleasure. Hopefully my trip is smooth so I can sleep, but we shall see. Goodnight!

baby i love the way

It is possible that I had one too many cocktails tonight. I will refrain from saying it's probable, since I prefer to disclaim all responsibility - but you can read into this what you will. The day started off perfectly normally - better than normal, actually, since I was going into the SF office and so was able to get up at 7:45 instead of 6:20. Yay. I got into the office at nine, had breakfast, and then did four hours of meetings, with a lovely lunch with Katrina in between to break everything up. Then, I sat out on one of the balconies and enjoyed the view of the Bay Bridge before joining a fellow Mountain View transplant for some wine in his temporary office. Yes, this is the life.

After work, I came home, did a quick load of laundry, and met up with Jenni at a wine bar in the marina. This is where my troubles began. We had a glass of wine while catching up, then met up with our friend Nick (also an India expat) to have a couple of cocktails at a bar across the street. We reminisced quite wonderfully while I imbibed Twilight Hemingways (Hemingway daiquiris with dark rum instead of white rum), and then Nick's girlfriend arrived from NYC. So we proceeded to dinner at a Chinese restaurant (Dragon Well), which was v. tasty even if it's quite likely that I cheated an had some gluten. Oops.

sssanyway, all of that was great, and I'm glad we hung out together. And now I must sleep; I'm going to NYC tomorrow night, which means I need to get some sleep before running errands and packing and doing other various shenanigans. Goodnight!

the way you love me

Too many days like today are going to make me flee to the peninsula and leave the evil city behind - you've been warned. I left home at 7:25 and didn't get to campus until 9:10, which gave me just enough time to grab a subpar breakfast before my jam-packed day of meetings started. Needless to say, I was incredibly surly, verging on rage-filled. Then I had an hour of meetings before getting back in my car and going to the dentist. At least that was smooth; I had no cavities for the tenth or twelfth or fifteenth year in a row, so we're moving to doing xrays every two years. And the hygienist complimented me on my flossing efforts, so I suppose that's something.

After the dentist, I went back to work and slogged the rest of the day. Sadly, all of that slogging involved sitting in meetings, so I don't know that I was that productive, but the meetings themselves seemed good. Then I cut out of work at 5:20 to have dinner with Heather (aka dear respected madam) and Jen, who had worked with me and Heather waaaay back in the day, when we were all young and optimistic. That turned into a three-hour affair, which was super fun, but it meant I got home at 9:50pm feeling like death.

So, Palo Alto may perhaps be in my cards. Or not; I'm traveling next week, and every three weeks after that for the rest of the year, and traveling tends to reset my commute hatred just a bit. We can always hope that I can survive the commute, since I like the city and my friends and the idea of not moving...but traffic better get better real quick. Goodnight!

the weight of love

I'm sorry my blog has been even more boring than usual of late. The problem is that I can't really blog about what I do at work, which means I have very little to say during the week. And on the weekends where I'm trying to write, there's not much that I can say about my writing process that doesn't make me feel like a whiny bitch.

Today was no different. I slogged all day, which is supremely uninteresting, although it was made slightly more interesting by trying to stay motivated through my intense headache. I think I'm not cut out for the shuttle; I always have a headache on the days I take the shuttle, which is not a good experience. This morning's ride was actually surprisingly smooth (probably because I reverse-jinxed it by spending half the ride looking up Palo Alto apartments on Craigslist), but I still felt ill most of the day. I had meant to take the shuttle home tonight, but on a whim I decided to drive home instead since my car was at the office. I stopped at a coffeeshop for a bit on the way and wrote a page of Alex and Prudence...no, not a million pages, but I'll take it. Then I came home, stopped on the way to buy a steak and a potato so that I could cook myself something to eat, and promptly proceeded to make and eat dinner. Yes, my Iowa roots are showing.

And now, even though I have way too much to do, I'm going to indulge my headache and stop staring at a screen - goodnight!

nothing you confess could make me love you less

I'm too tired to blog - today was a really long day, starting with a 7:30am meeting that I was luckily able to take from home. But I didn't get enough sleep last night, so I woke up already behind, and the rest of the day just made it worse instead of better. I got home around 7:30 and was going to try to write, but instead I ate leftovers and stared at whatever Terry was already watching on TV (the second-to-last Harry Potter). And then I thought I could write, but I never hit the second wind that I usually get after dark, so I guess my latent vampiric tendencies are letting me down tonight. That's a clear indication that I should just go to bed ridiculously early and hope for the best. Goodnight!

but i hear those voices at night sometimes...they justify my claim

Today was way too long and way too unproductive (at the day job, at least) - it took me an hour and a half to get to work for a meeting that was promptly canceled, which made me surly. But I successfully took my car to get smog tested (which it passed) so that I could pay my registration, and the hours that I did slog were v. useful hours. Then I came home, wrote for half an hour (shocking, I know, but I actually wrote a page and a half, which is more than I had yesterday), and got ready to go out again. I had a v. romantic dinner date with Lauren (aka Subz), whom I hadn't seen in at least a month, so we had a lot to catch up on. After two margaritas I could have kept going all night, but sadly I have this day job that requires my presence tomorrow. And it requires it super early as well - I have a 7:30am meeting, which I'm luckily going to dial into from home so that I don't want to stab myself in the face. Or perhaps I'll want to stab myself in the face anyway, but it won't be from getting up at 5:30.

And on that note, it's time for bed! Goodnight!

breaking my back just to know your name

I was hermity again today, but it was all quite productive, so I'll take it. I was out of bed by nine, shockingly, and I showered and made myself breakfast and everything in an attempt to be an adult. Then, I tried to go to the Asian Art Museum to see an exhibit of China's terracotta warriors; I've been meaning to go for weeks, and then suddenly realized that the exhibit ends while I'm in NYC next week, so I thought I should try to see it today. But when I got there I discovered a massive line out the door, so I promptly turned around and came home. So much for my attempt to get some culture.

But when I got here, I didn't mope. Instead, I grabbed my notebook and walked over to the Ghirardelli Square area, where I spent a couple of hours in a cafe overlooking the water. And I think I got some of the second half of the book nailed down - I'm feeling pretty good about it, actually. So good that I started writing when I got home (or rather, while I got a pedicure - but I took my laptop to my pedicure, so it's almost like it was work). Granted, I only wrote a page, but it was a promising first page, and I'm excited about this book in a way that I hope bodes well for its future (if not for my sanity).

After the pedicure, I talked to my parents, who were in fine form. I also wished my Uncle Mark a happy birthday, although it sounds like they had tornadoes in his area a couple of hours after I talked to him, so hopefully everything is okay. Then, I spent the evening procrastinating; I took care of a couple of vital marketing-related activities, and I also answered a few of the many long-simmering emails in my multiple inboxes. But I must also confessed that I watched a lot of clips from old SNL episodes on Hulu - apparently I needed a break or something. But now, I really need to sleep; I have to take my car down to work tomorrow to get it smog tested, and since I have a 9am meeting that I scheduled (stupid), I should probably be on time, which means I need to leave here early. Ugh. Goodnight!

i remember all the feelings and the day they stopped

Per my hopes and dreams for myself, I was a total hermit today. I slept in, messed around, and eventually made myself a delicious homestyle breakfast (fried eggs + a shitload of bacon). Then, I spent the bulk of the afternoon sorting through the massive piles of paper in my room to put away all my notes and notebooks on Ellie and Nick so that I could clear the psychic space necessary to focus on Prudence and Alex. It took a few hours, but my bookshelves aren't stacked with papers lying across all the book spines for the first time in months, and my desk no longer has piles of notes to myself about the different stories I'm playing with. Granted, this state will deteriorate almost immediately, but it's a very pleasing thing for an OCD hermit like me.

After that, I made myself supper (cheeseburgers + some v. awesome potatoes, if I do say so myself; yes, the skillet is the most important piece of cookware in my repertoire), poured a glass of wine, and brainstormed another several pages of Prudence and Alex. I was thinking about them all day in the back of my mind as I organized my notes, and I'm feeling really, really good about the first half of the story. The second half...not so much. I need to spend some more time on it to see whether the issue is something in the first half (since I don't want to write the first half and then scrap it like I always do) or whether it's something that I need to do some more research for. But I think it's going to be good - and, the cool thing is that my most recent idea for Alex leads seamlessly into a new series featuring some dudes at his secret archaeology club (about whom I know nothing, but it sounds like it could be sexy?).

Oh, and I also took a nap, and I made a playlist for Prudence and Alex. Both very vital tasks, right? And now I'm going to read back through my notes, see if anything else strikes me, and then head for bed. Goodnight!

we're not broken, just bent

Today was great, albeit uninteresting for you - I made it into work in time to grab breakfast, and then I slogged without much break for six hours, which helped me to get through a lot of stuff on my to-do list. Then, I took a break with my team to drink caipirinhas, since a couple of women on the team are Brazilian and decided to bring in Brazilian treats for a Friday afternoon happy hour. By the time that was over, I was in no state to do anything worth getting paid for, so I cut out at five to have dinner with Heather (aka dear respected madam).

We had a lot to catch up on, since I hadn't seen her since before I went to Kansas City, and she had spent most of that time with relatives in town. Needless to say, we talked for quite some time. We were going to go to Fiesta, but it was oddly closed, so we went to another Mexican place instead. But while all of the experience was great, the best part was that I had a major breakthrough on the plot for Alex and Prudence because of her...as we were discussing it, it suddenly became clear what needs to happen to pull together everything I've been thinking about, and I suddenly feel unblocked. YAY.

So, I'm glad that I have no plans this weekend beyond holing up and writing - much productivity needs to happen this weekend if I want to feel good about life. But now, I must sleep - goodnight!

til we can learn to love again

I'm way exhausted and can't bear to look at a screen anymore, so this is all the blog post you're getting. Suck to be you! Or perhaps it sucks to be me, since my commute was terrible both ways and I was super busy. But I shall recover, I'm sure.

Happy [censored], [censored]! And now, goodnight!

right from the start you were a thief, you stole my heart

I have nothing to stay tonight; today was v. long, since I had meetings almost straight through from nine to five. It would have been totally straight through, but luckily someone canceled on me, so I had forty-five-ish minutes to do some actual work. Yay. But my meetings were generally good, and I had lunch with John to belatedly (and cheaply, since it was free) celebrate his birthday, so that was fun. I also got my quarterly performance evaluation from my manager (if he's not the big boss, should I call him the little boss? that seems wrong); given that it only covered two months there wasn't much to say, but I'm apparently not going to get fired anytime soon. Remind me to be glad of that when I'm struggling with Prudence and Alex this weekend.

Speaking of...I'm struggling with Prudence and Alex. Ugh. I left work at 5:30, checked my mailbox in Palo Alto, and spent an hour writing at a coffee shop before heading back to the evil city. And I'm loathe to really get started writing them for reasons that I can't figure out, but as I keep having to remember, whenever I hit a patch of writer's block, it's because there's something wrong with the story. Tonight I was worried that what's wrong with the story is that I no longer want Prudence to end up with Alex, but I'm already publicly committed to that pairing. But maybe my imagination is just being stubborn; I *do* want them to be together, I'm just having trouble figuring them out. Hopefully all of this will come together sooner rather than later.

I got home around eight, ate some leftover fajitas (yum), and talked to Terry for awhile. Then, I took care of a few pressing alter-ego things, and suddenly it's 11pm and I need to sleep if I have any hope of being worth something tomorrow. Goodnight!

where there is a flame someone's bound to get burned

I've already written in two other blogs tonight, so Imma keep this brief. Today was somewhat good, albeit not exactly what I wanted; I had meetings straight from eight a.m. to noon, which I took from home in a state of grumpy hunger. Then I had an appointment downtown that took way, way longer than it should have due to some scheduling stupidity; I was supposed to get my hair cut, which should have taken an hour + another fifteen minutes to get my brows waxed, which should have gotten me home round-trip in less than two hours. That would have left plenty of time to be productive with the rest of my afternoon. Instead, the new receptionist scheduled an hour of dead time in between the wax and the cut, which I had to spend, surly, at a nearby Peet's, attempting to be productive on my Chromebook when I should have been productive on work stuff instead. Boooo.

But I got home eventually, and I did just enough work that I didn't feel like a total and utter slacker. Then I made dinner (skirt steak fajitas with peppers and onions), talked to Terry for a bit, came upstairs, procrastinated, and finally wrote the blog post I was avoiding (my semi-regular guest post with the Rubies). I also, on a whim, wrote a Sara Ramsey post and included the first few paragraphs on the weird Christabel project I'm working on - posting early stuff is probably stupid, but it at least feels good to put something out there as proof that I've written something recently.

And now, I must sleep; tomorrow I have meetings straight from nine a.m. to five p.m., which is going to be just as miserable as it sounds. Goodnight!

nicky can't drive with a broken back

I have nothing of interest or importance to say. I spent a lot of time working, with a day packed mostly full of meetings...I knew this was a peril of going back to managing people, and I was correct in that assumption. So, I'm feeling ridiculously behind on everything, but since I was already behind, I decided to screw everything and go out for steak and a glass of wine with Terry. That made my stomach happy, even if it didn't help my inbox, and now I'm sleepy enough that I'm going to go to bed rather than keep working. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be more productive (or at least more interesting to you), but for now, it's time to sleep. Goodnight!

you took my heart and you held it in your hand

As it turns out, writing this morning's blog post was the most exciting part of my day. Sad, right? I was pretty much worthless this morning, and I stayed in bed until noon, but I finally got up to shower and eat some leftover thai food. Then, I spent the entire rest of the day being surly and/or contemplating Alex and Prudence (hence why I was surly, since I'm still brainstorming and have no idea what I'm going to do with them).

But I talked to my parents and wished my mother a happy mother's day, so I suppose I accomplished something worthwhile. And I wrote several pages of notes on Alex and Prudence, so perhaps the day is coming when I know what to write for them. And...that's all, really. Hopefully work is good this week so that I can write in the morning or at night, but we shall see. Goodnight!

a new dawn, a new day, a new life

I'm going to write a rare morning post because I just checked last night's post and it was incomprehensible to the point of concern. I wasn't actually that drunk...I was just exhausted (I hadn't stayed up until 2:30 in a long time, and I'm still a little bit on midwestern time, so it definitely felt like 3:30 or 4:30), and I remember falling asleep over my keyboard and having trouble remembering the words that I wanted to use. So, suffice it to say I had a good time, but I was merely in the same state of mind that I was during that memorable Stanford finals period where I tried to argue in a paper that Russian intellectuals like to eat at Senor Taco - I was not at the point where someone had roofied me. And, like that paper, I've awoken with a clear head and can rectify my mistakes in time.

sssanyway. Yesterday was totally lovely; I took the day off (shocker) in the interest of seeing friends and having some semblance of a life. Priyanka's birthday was last week, so Adit invited a bunch of people over for what was supposed to be a lunch party. It should surprise none of you that a lunch party turned into an all day/all night extravaganza of fun. I went over a little after noon and spent close to three hours hanging out in their house and backyard, catching up with them, John and Jess, and some other randoms (who are probably not randoms to Adit and Priyanka, but they were to me and I intend to keep them that way because I'm a curmudgeon who has no time for new friends). I also, quite shockingly, saw one of my first managers from my first go-round at the day job oh-so-many years ago; his younger sister is also friends with Adit/Priyanka, and they apparently hang out with Bill sometimes as well. I did not know this. I also didn't know he was still alive (hence my shock); the last I had heard, he'd been diagnosed with stage four lung cancer a year and a half ago, and since neither I nor any of my friends at work had heard any further updates, I kind of assumed that the statistical odds of living with stage four lung cancer (very low) had claimed him. But he looked good and seemed to be in good spirits despite having had chemo every three weeks for the past sixteen months. Crazy.

I left the party around three to come home for another crazy development...some researcher at USC wanted to interview me about this blog for research he's doing, and he had a film crew with him who are filming a documentary on people who blog frequently about their personal lives. I knew I was a dying breed in this respect, since I have no friends who still blog and most blogs are now career-focused (i.e. fashion or food blogs where the person is hoping to build an audience/get ad revenue). But apparently I'm such a dying breed that my blog may be of interest to 'science' and there are potentially other researchers out there who have/will scrape it because I've got what must be approaching a million words of free content about daily life. Odd.

But the people were v. nice; the researcher asked me some questions, and then the documentary guy asked me some questions, and two other guys filmed it all. And I suppose my key takeaway is that I don't care that this is public, since I came to terms years ago about what I share here (my daily life in all its minutiae) and what I don't (some personal subjects, emotional reactions to or criticisms about friends, family, coworkers, other writers, etc.). And I will probably only stop if Sara Ramsey gets so famous that this becomes a liability, but even then I might just keep going and be more circumspect.

For what it's worth, the researcher also said that I was very good (better than most of the other subjects) at keeping my identity secret - which surprised me, since I wasn't trying that hard, and also since my blog is one of the first search results for my actual name. But I suppose that's by design - if you know who I am, I'm very easy to find, but if you find the blog first, it's harder to identify my full name. Similarly, you can get to Sara Ramsey easily from here, but it takes more digging to get here if you start with my writing name. And I think that's probably a good thing.

After the researcher left, I ate some leftover Thai and considered writing for the rest of the night...but my hair and makeup were better than usual, and I succumbed to the lure of going back to Adit and Priyanka's. I had a most excellent time at the second part of the party; Katrina was there, and Chandlord eventually came back (for the third time, although the first two were during my initial absence), and I built a friendship with Jesse (aka Jasvinder) and Maya - Jesse was in SLE with me, although I'd forgotten that since I wasn't a model pupil and we lived in different dorms. I may have drunkenly promised him that he could be my maid of honor someday, so that's something. I also drank a lot of bourbon (which I don't like) and red wine (which I know I shouldn't drink heavily because it gives me headaches), plus a tequila shot, and this is a recipe for the kind of post I wrote last night.

We did karaoke for hours, but Chandlord/Jesse/Maya/I plotted our escape a little after midnight and went to Sparky's, where I had a v. restorative two-egg breakfast with bacon and hash browns and coffee (which did nothing to help me stay awake to blog last night). Then, Chandlord and I shared a taxi home, I was sober enough to wash my face and brush my teeth before writing that disaster of a blog post, and then I fell immediately into a deep, deep slumber.

Now you're caught up, my head doesn't really hurt (thank you, poisonous Diet Mountain Dew), and it's time for me to get cracking. Good day!

trust no one

I'm way beyond title and can't think of anything useful to broccoli matching. Aso, I'm drunk (hes I hung out with Adit), so I can't be inestimable. I'll keep touch when i'm itting at myse al week.

sister christian, oh your time has come

Today was lovely, surprisingly enough. I say 'surprisingly enough' because I had an 8:30 meeting on a Friday, which should be illegal (for clarification, that's a.m., not p.m.). So I got up at 6:20, made a half-assed attempt at grooming, and hied myself off to the shuttle. But, I actually wrote on the shuttle (Prudence), and I wrote four fast-draft pages, which I will totally take. And I figured out a couple of key little bits of the plot, which is even better. Maybe I'll just continue this trend of working on whatever strikes my fancy, although I need to have a first draft of Prudence by August if I have hope of getting it out in a reasonable fashion...

...but that is a pressure and a terror I can deal with later. Work was v. hectic, since I had a lot of meetings, but I made it out by 3:45 so that I could bear the traffic on the way back to the evil city. I had to drive, since I left my car down there last night, and I made it back in time to take a ten-minute nap before going to get a massage. I've decided that massages count as physical therapy for me, since my back and neck are such a mess that I need to invest in them, so I had no shame about leaving work early to make it back in time for my appointment. The woman worked her usual magic, and I left with the utterly oxygenated high I got last time, since she encourages me to breathe deeply throughout in a way that I don't do in real life. If you had told me when I was growing up in Iowa that I would someday pay a stranger to manipulate my naked body, I wouldn't have believed you...or, I would have believed you, but I wouldn't have assumed you meant massage. See what I did there?

sssanyway, I came home, ordered Thai food, and watched an episode of 'The Voice' with Terry. Then, I debated writing, but my mind was too blank, so I read a romance novel instead (WHAT HAPPENS IN SCOTLAND, which is an early-Victorian retelling of 'The Hangover', and was pretty funny despite being somewhat anachronistic). And now, I should sleep; I'm still operating on a sleep deficit, and I have some v. ridiculous plans tomorrow that you're going to want to read about tomorrow night (if I survive them and am not killed by the film crew coming to my apartment...how's that for a teaser?). Goodnight!

you already won me over

I wanted to stay up and write tonight, but I'm beyond exhausted; going back to the day job on five hours of sleep wasn't the best move in the world, even if there was nothing I could do to change it. But, I got up in time to stop at a coffeeshop on the way out of the city and grab a latte, so I survived the drive down to the glorious south bay. Then, I sat in a mixture of meetings all day, with just enough time at my desk to get caught up on some stuff without having enough time to actually fall asleep in my chair.

But, rather than drive home and risk killing myself, I left my car on campus and took the shuttle home, which gave me an hour and a half to sleep. Then, I answered a few Sara Ramsey emails and wrote for half an hour, which netted me a page and a half -- not the million pages I wanted to write, but it's a page and a half more than I had before, so I'll take it. I need to get better about writing in those odd twenty or thirty minute chunks between activities, rather than feeling like I can only write when I have hours stretching out in front of me.

I threw in the towel when Terry got home, though, and we had a roommate dinner at Tortilla Heights. There was much to catch up on since I'd been gone and she has also taken a trip to NYC during my absence, so we caught up over margaritas and too many chips. Then we came home, I came upstairs with the intention of writing (but got sucked into some more Sara Ramsey email/business stuff), and only wrote another few sentences before realizing I would be better served by going to bed. But hopefully I can write tomorrow night, and all day Sunday - Saturday is potentially turning into a wash, unless my jetlag continues and I get up at six a.m. of my own accord. Goodnight!

darling won't you ease my worried mind

I wanted to be in bed two hours ago, but unfortunately my flight from Denver to SFO was delayed by approximately that much, so I didn't walk into my apartment until almost midnight. Boo. This is a double boo since I have a day job now, and I have a nine a.m. meeting, which is all v. unfortunate. There are many things I like about my job, but getting up for it is not one of them.

Anyway, my trip was uneventful other than the delays; I got out the door on schedule this afternoon, and my parents and I had lunch in Millerton (one of the only remaining restaurants in the county; good thing it's tasty) before I drove myself to the airport. It was quite odd to drive myself there, since I usually don't have a rental car, but it was all quite smooth and I had way more time than I needed. As it turned out, we were delayed in DSM too; we sat on the runway for half an hour waiting for Denver to tell us we could come, since the weather in Denver was messing things up. When I got to Denver, I had supper and a margarita, which made me sleepy, but I did some writing on the DSM->DEN flight and in the Denver airport, so I'm happy about that.

But now, I must sleep, even if my brain is racing with ideas for the stuff I was writing on the plane - it's the start of yet another new book (or, more likely, serialized story), starring Christabel, who showed up unexpectedly in Nick and Ellie's book. I thought I was going to serialize the twins, but I'm more interested in Christabel, so we'll see where this goes. I need to pick something and stick with it, since this is the third book I've broken ground on in the past three weeks (not to mention the secret non-gargoyle YA project I keep picking up and putting aside). But for now I plan to see where it takes me. Goodnight!

she'll absolutely drive you wild

I meant to go to bed two hours ago, but that lament is not exactly an unusual occurrence. Still, I have to get up relatively early tomorrow if I'm going to get some work done, finish repacking, and hang out with the parents for a bit before going back to the airport. I'm flying back to San Francisco tomorrow, where I will trade my #smalltownlife for the usual hustle and grind of my commute, the stupid Marina kids, and my attempts to have a social life while writing a million books. Life is hard.

Anyway, today was fine; I worked all day, then slacked off to go into town with my mom and to go out to feed my grandma's cats with my dad. He must be getting soft, since he feeds those cats almost every night rather than encouraging them to go find greener pastures (or rodent populations) elsewhere. I spent the evening alternating between unproductive attempts to answer email, paying vague attention to whatever hit shows were on CBS tonight, and then working on my Sara Ramsey site some more (it's up and live at sararamsey.com, should you have any feedback). Now, sadly, I really must sleep - goodnight!

it's the end and the beginning

I meant to go to bed two hours ago, but I got sucked into a web project that ate the last four hours. On kind of a whim, I decided to redesign my Sara Ramsey site; I haven't been happy with it for awhile, mostly because I felt that it was too dark and that the dual navigation bars were too confusing. And I had been thinking of paying someone to design a website for me, but I was too lazy to get quotes, and also too convinced that it was stupid to spend several thousand dollars to redesign a site that was probably fine.

But today I snapped, reaching the point where I was suddenly beyond sick of what I had. I think that I would be more prone to blog if logging into it didn't make me feel sad. And I want to do some new things with my marketing and promo over the next few months, and a slightly cleaner/fresher/brighter blog could help. So, I found a new theme, bought it, and spent the last four hours customizing it and bending it to my will. I still need to figure out how to create a bigger header that matches what I'm looking for, but so far so good - I think the color scheme works for me, and it's hopefully easy for people to find what they're looking for. The proof will be in whether site engagement and length of stay improves or declines after the site launches, but for now, I feel good about it.

However, I really should sleep rather than playing with my site; I had to slog all day today, and I need to slog all day tomorrow as well, so I really should get some sleep. Tomorrow's my last full day at home, which means I have tons of tings to take care of before my trip back to the evil city, and I should probably spend at least a bit of time with my parents. Goodnight!

and he talks like a gentleman, like you imagined

I'm bitterly tired - even nine hours of sleep last night wasn't enough to restore me. Sadly, the day job beckons tomorrow; yes, I'm still in Iowa, but I'm answering emails and doing projects and taking meetings from home all day, so it will be business as usual in that respect. But I'm predicting it's going to be a brutal, shocking reentry. Spending the past ten days focused more on writing/industry stuff and less on day job stuff (although it's still kind of the same industry) has my head spinning with all the cool things I could do with my writing, and all the limitless potential of the future (no, I'm not on cocaine right now), and all the amazingly fun and cool interactions I had with readers and writers and booklovers of all kinds.

So, needless to say, I had fun at my convention. I wasn't sure about it at first, mostly because all of Thursday was insanely busy and I didn't feel like I had a chance to sit down and enjoy myself. But Friday and Saturday were slower, and I got to hang out with a lot of really awesome authors as though we're friends and colleagues and I'm not just their fan (which is, oddly and awesomely, becoming the case with many of them).

I was going to leave Saturday morning by noon so that I could make it home at a relatively early hour, but as I was checking out I ran into Jenn (who shot the photos for my most recent covers), her assistant Kati (a blogger who likes my books), this other author Hillary (with whom Jenn/Kati/I had spent a v. fabulously hilarious evening eating prime rib and then making jokes about me writing a male/male tranny-surprise Regency duke romance the night before), and one of my roommates in the lobby. They were waiting for Maire, who I'm friends with, and then some of them were going out for dim sum (yes, Kansas City has dim sum) with Courtney Milan and Sherry Thomas. I know Courtney vaguely and admire her hugely, and I got to know Sherry when she came to visit SF last year - so when they invited me along, I couldn't resist. And it was the perfect cap to a fun weekend, even if the gluten-filled shrimp family coma made the drive back to Iowa a little rough.

But I got home in time for dinner last night, and then I spent some quality time helping my father set up his first smartphone (something he could have done himself, but I insisted). Today, I slept in a bit and got up in time to have breakfast with them. As a result of their low-carb life, the potato and muffin-filled brunches of my youth have been replaced by a pound of fresh side, twelve strips of bacon, and six fried eggs...not that I'm complaining. Then I kind of half-assed worked all afternoon, attempting to make a dent in some of my email and not having a very good time of it. Eventually, my father and I went to see my grandmother (a sad and depressing endeavor), then came home and ate supper. My mom and I watched the finale of the Amazing Race, but my head was killing me after, so I demurred from the implicit invitation to keep watching CBS with her and instead came downstairs, where I gave up on productivity and read most of DEVIL IN WINTER by Lisa Kleypas - which I somehow failed to read years ago and now deeply regret having missed all this time.

Now, sadly, I must sleep - tomorrow requires massive productivity, and I'm hoping tonight's break will give me the willpower necessary to focus. Goodnight!

when we were young

I'm super tired, but I had a totally awesome day - that, plus a day job email that really annoyed me just now, are conspiring to make me want to hole up and write forever, but I'm sure I'll get back on the day job train when I have to pay my conference bills. I spent all day talking to writers, which was enjoyable, and my head is spinning with all the stuff I want to do and all the strategies I want to employ. But now, I need to sleep - I'm going back to Iowa tomorrow and need to survive the drive. Goodnight!

i will wait, i will wait for you

Today was both tamer and way more frantic than yesterday. In case you couldn't tell, I had four drinks last night (well, three drinks plus a sniff and a bit of a sideeye at this nasty white zinfandel that I was served in the hotel bar). This would normally not be that much, but the first two were on an empty stomach, which turned me into a total lunatic. So, this morning was rough. Sadly, it was the only morning that I needed to be 'on' during this event; I had two panels back to back, and a book signing this afternoon, so I was totally wrecked by the end of it. But, both panels went really well, and I signed books and met fans, and it was all lovely!

Sadly, you don't get any more than this; my roommates are trying to sleep, and I want to sleep like nine hours tonight, which isn't quite possible since I need to get up in less than eight. Boo. Goodnight!

you didnt have to cut me off

I'm lying in bed in Kansas City,vaguely drunk and typing on my name phone,. So.this is the best you're going to get. But I'm having fun with my writer friends AND I had prime rib tonight, so life is good. More tomorrow - goodnight!