i should be on top but i'm always underground

#sorrynotsorry for not blogging last night - it completely slipped my mind, and I remembered about five seconds before I fell asleep. You didn't miss out - my day was pretty chill, and while I had a ton of meetings I was still able to have a nice morning before they started. I also spent some quality time yesterday evening talking to Veronica, then talking to Katie, then trying on some clothes I'd ordered (why did I order clothes? I'll definitely wear the sweats, but not sure the summer dresses are really gonna get much airtime this summer). Also, in v. exciting news, my Animal Crossing island got up to three stars, so I guess I've got that going for me.

Today wasn't quite so wonderful; I again had a nice morning, and my meetings weren't all bad, and I v. much enjoyed some leftover sweet potato hash with freshly fried eggs for lunch. But my last couple of meetings were frustrating, and so I was beyond done when I finished a little before five. I then vacated my house immediately and braved Home Depot, where I picked up a bunch of bags of mulch, some lawn fertilizer, and a few garden implements. I want to work on my yard and patio this weekend, which requires materials, but I've heard that Home Depot on the weekend is a trainwreck. This seems quite likely based on what I saw - I had to wait to get in, and the people next to me in line were not wearing masks, seemed drunk, and were very belligerent that they just couldn't go in the store.

But I was in and out in twenty minutes, since I'd pre-researched what I wanted to get and so had aisle numbers and bin numbers already written down and could be as efficient as possible. Then I came home and played a bunch of Animal Crossing, while also eating leftover palak paneer and drinking a boulevardier. Yes, this is a coping mechanism, and no, I'm not sorry.

But tomorrow will be much better - I'm taking the day off, and I'm planning to mess around with my yard, give myself some much needed sun and a break from screentime, and then do some socializing to round out the day. Wish me luck with that - goodnight!

don't tell me i lost a step

I'm exceedingly tired, so I'm going to go to bed even though there's some work stuff I should have done tonight. I was wildly unproductive during the day, but no more so than a lot of people seem to be right now, so I'm not beating myself up over it. And I had a great morning - if there's anything I could keep out of the 'new normal', it would be my meditating / journaling routines.

But now, after this v. boring post, I need to sleep - goodnight!

back to what you used to like about me

Today was pretty good, all in all. I meditated, journaled, and wrote before work, which was a v pleasant trifecta. Then I slogged all day, but I had a couple of breaks and some delicious leftover hash in the middle of it, so I'll take it.

Then, when the day ended, I wrote on the patio for just a bit more before engaging in a socially distant happy hour. If you'd told me when I bought the place that the best feature would be that I could have people over and sit 10+ feet away from them, I would have thought you were insane. But my patio is perfectly set up for that kind of situation - I can invite people whom I trust, and who trust me, to BYOB and come in through my gate (so they don't touch my house) and then sit far away but close enough to have a real conversation.

Sssanyway it was a great happy hour (or happy four hours, if you're precise). And now I desperately went to sleep - goodnight!

all those times when i imagined what it'd be like to have my freedom

I was v. productive around the house today, which put me in a way better mood (even if cleaning bathrooms is usually not my preferred activity). I was out of bed around eight, and I meditated/journaled/made some food plans before truly kicking the day into action. Then I finished organizing my closet, made some delish sweet potato hash, cleaned my bathroom, washed my sheets and my duvet cover, and broke down a bunch of boxes in the garage.

This all felt like enough for a bit, so I checked in on Animal Crossing and then called my parents (they were in fine form, thanks for asking). Then I remade my bed and folded laundry. Then I made palak paneer in my instant pot - it's a good way to get a bunch of spinach into your diet (unless you're [censored], who gets a pass on incorporating spinach). I didn't theoretically have to cook tonight, as I have one serving of coconut curry left (which I should eat tomorrow), but cooking tonight + the hash this morning means I won't have to cook until Wednesday at the earliest, which is a good way to kick off the workweek.

And now, I should really sleep - goodnight!

looking like it's time tonight for fight or flight

I had a much better day today, thanks for asking. I think after several days of chafing against the constraints of #quarantinelife I settled back into some semblance of acceptance -- perhaps not cheerful acceptance, but not sullen acceptance either. I meditated and journaled before work, and then I actually forced myself to be productive all day - I had a lower than average number of meetings, which could have been dangerous since some days that just encourages me to do nothing, but in this case I used all that extra time pretty productively.

So, around five, I was done for the week and feeling good about what I'd accomplished. Then I lazed about most of the evening, but I felt good about the laziness - I drank a moscow mule (okay, two moscow mules), played some Animal Crossing, ate leftover curry from last night, took care of some tings around the house, and talked to [censored]. And now I believe it's time for bed - I'd like to get many things accomplished this weekend, so we'll see how that goes. Goodnight!

i can't feel a thing from my head down to my toes

I've hit a wall with being at home. Not that it matters - I'm still here, and will bounce back, and will probably hit the same wall again in a few weeks. But I was feeling super unmotivated with the day job today, which didn't help my mood. I did meditate, journal, and shower in the morning, so at least I tried - but I couldn't concentrate, so I threw in the towel as soon as I possibly could (which was 4pm, which was about an hour earlier than I probably should have ended, but whatever).

However, I did do a bit of stuff around the house - mostly making a rather time-intensive supper, which turned out gloriously. I have the BURMA SUPERSTAR cookbook (a Christmas gift at some point in the last couple of years) - Burma Superstar is a restaurant in San Francisco, for the handful of you who don't live in SF, and they have v. tasty food that sometimes requires an hours-long wait. I've always wanted to dig into the cookbook, but some recipes require ingredients that I don't usually have on hand, and many of the recipes are quite involved.

But tonight I tried the coconut chicken curry, on top of coconut rice, and omg it was delicious. It was all super easy to make - it just took time, because the curry had to cook for over an hour and a half in total, and the chef/author also recommended letting it rest for 20min before serving. But the curry itself was pretty simple - just had to chop up some chicken thighs, dice some onion, and mince some garlic. The rest was just dumping in spices and a can of coconut oil at the right time. So, I'm glad I tried it - I would make it again, and it gives me a strong desire to try other recipes (perhaps starting with a noodle dish that uses a portion of this curry as the base - I promptly froze half of what I made tonight, since it was a fairly large batch and I'll prob want to try that other recipe sometime).

Then I messed around in my living room, and now I really need to sleep - goodnight!

it's like a little prayer

No blog tonight... My day was better than yesterday, but I'm tired and I fell asleep in my living room, so I'm taking that as a sign I should sleep. Goodnight!

so when the day comes to settle down, who's to blame if you're not around?

I'm going to try to go to bed earlier tonight so that I can be a bit more relaxed tomorrow morning - I have a meeting starting at nine, so if I want to meditate / journal / shower and perhaps eat some breakfast, I should get up earlier than I have been. Today was fine - it wasn't great, and I felt the black pit of despair yawning below me, but I managed to stay away from the edge. So I got some work done, ate some leftover zucchini lasagna for lunch, slogged until six-ish, and then made dinner (caprese salad with roasted tomatoes, and a reverse sear ribeye). I also did some personal paperwork-type stuff, took care of some tings around the house, etc.

So, that was all v. boring, but boring is better than depressed, so I'll take it. And now I must sleep - goodnight!

i will try not to burden you, i can hold these inside, i will hold my breath until all these shivers subside

This Monday was not as bad as previous Mondays, so I'll take it. But I started off tired, since I was up way too late last night for family dinner - I still made it up in time to meditate and journal, but it was a real sacrifice. I then slogged all day, but I stopped at five to run to the Container Store and do a curbside pickup on some stuff for my closet. Since I was over in the Cherry Creek area anyway, I went to the Whole Foods there, where I mostly focused on picking up meat (I am mildly concerned by the stories coming out of the packing plants, so even though I'm well stocked otherwise, my hoarder instincts kicked in).

Then I came home and had just enough time to disinfect and put tings away before reheating some zucchini lasagna, pouring a glass of wine, and having a happy hour with a coworker who is currently on maternity leave. We had a delightful time catching up, and I'm extremely glad that I don't have a newborn. When we were done, I texted briefly with Caroline, and then played Animal Crossing (gotta keep up my makeshift fake island paradise while the real world burns around me). And now I need to sleep - goodnight!

sing about the sixblade, sing about the switchback and a torture tattoo

Day 41. There are moments when it feels like I can't cook another thing, clean another thing, do another thing, especially by myself. There are moments where I would give my fortune to sit at a bar and watch someone make me a drink while overhearing a first date gone bad. There are moments when I obsessively count my canned goods and frozen meats, and other moments when I think I could just eat cereal until this is all over.

But then there are other moments, like the fact that my college friends are doing family dinner on Sunday nights again despite being spread across several states (and the SF vs East Bay divide is usually just as insurmountable as SF to Colorado, or East Bay to Seattle). Tonight's family dinner included:

- a long discussion about urine, mostly because of the...
- introduction to Claudia's baby! Téo is less than three weeks old, but he made it to the Zoom call and did so in style. He doesn't have a nickname yet but I'm sure it's coming.
- an also-long discussion of baby massage
- Nepalese nannies
- a tour of my house, which started mostly because I went off in search of a refill on my Bailey's
- nap dresses (aka nightgowns for you peasants out there)
- Bill wearing a blanket like a shawl, but not quite like Lenny Kravitz's blanket-scarf
- John and Jess being out of barbecue sauce
- the lack of barbecue sauce didn't stop them from making the Round Barn their background image for part of the call
- Vidya managed to wrap a scarf all the way around her head and then get it unwrapped before sneezing, which was a real feat of physical prowess in these troubled times

sssanyway. Family dinner was lovely, even if it wasn't spent at Enjoy Vegetarian eating a variety of vegetarian Chinese dishes while being judged/ignored by the waitstaff. The only downside is the lateness of the hour and the fact that I've been drinking slow/steady since two p.m. (truly slow/steady - I had a mojito at 2, two glasses of wine from 5-8, and two pours of Bailey's from 8-11).

The rest of my day was okay - I woke up and could have ended up in a total black pit hellscape, but managed to pull myself out of that mood. I did a bit of writing at some point this morning too, which I'll take. And I did some stuff around the house, talked to some writer friends (Anne, Grace, Veronica, and Barbara), and took a walk while talking to my parents. And now, unfortunately, I need to sleep - goodnight!

always the same it's just a shame that's all

I somehow wore myself out without leaving the house, which I guess is a good thing? I stayed up way too late last night, so I didn't get up an around particularly early - but then I drank some coffee, meditated, journaled, and generally enjoyed my morning. I also made a v. tasty egg and cheese sandwich and organized my freezer, which is a thing I now do regularly due to the apocalypse.

I then spent the afternoon taking care of a variety of tings around the house - mostly organizing my master closet, which spilled over into organizing the guest closet as well. I'd been meaning to do this for quite some time, and I still need to acquire some organizational supplies (mostly for my handbags, which defy organization) - but my closet looks much better and more functional than it did. Of course, since I have time on my hands, I arranged the clothes by color, which was weirdly satisfying. And I vacuumed and dusted the closets before putting things away, which was less satisfying but much more necessary.

At some point in the middle of this project, I chatted with Katie for a bit and discovered that she's also purging her closets this weekend, so we must have hit the same point in our quarantine moods. Then I talked to Terry for quite awhile - it was supposed to be her western wedding today, which means I should be in California on the verge of blackout drunk. Instead, I'm sitting at home, running the cleaning cycle on my coffeemaker, and listening to some soothing music on my meditation app. I did have takeout sushi tonight, so I guess that's somewhat festive? Probably not, but idk anymore.

And now, as soon as my coffeemaker has finished cleaning so that I can set it up for the morning, I need to go to bed. Goodnight!

oscillate

Today was quite boring, in all honesty. I got up and meditated / wrote / journaled, then worked until 5:30 (with a break for lunch and another break to chat with a work friend over a cocktail around 3:30). Then I did a bit of stuff around the house, ate leftover chickpea stew, mopped the kitchen, and messed around online. And at some point I took a nap. And unfortunately that's all I have to share - not a bad day, just not at all noteworthy. So I'll have to try to make tomorrow more noteworthy than that - but for now it's bedtime. Goodnight!

it's hard to believe such a calamity, i've got too much time on my hands

I was determined to have a better day than expected today. The expectation was that today would be terrible - I have been in a bad mood every time it's snowed during social isolation, and we got several inches today. But even though I stayed up way too late last night working, and so got up this morning still thinking of work, I had a good day. I meditated/journaled, then showered and put on my favorite hot pink sweater, then slogged all day. The hot pink sweater paid off because one of my coworker's four-year-olds saw me on screen and apparently decided I was too cool to actually be someone her mother worked with - yay fashion.

The slogging was real today, but I had a pretty tasty sandwich in the middle (with Fritos! I never buy Fritos to keep in the house, but it's the apocalypse, so whatever). I then ended a little after five and slogged around the house instead - I folded some laundry, changed a lightbulb, tidied up my laundry room, and made a truly excellent spiced chickpea stew. This was a recipe Katie introduced me to - in fact, it was the last meal I ate outside my house (over a month ago), since she made it when I went over there as the quarantine was starting to pick up steam. It's pretty easy and really tasty, and I'm v. glad that I have leftovers to enjoy for the next few days.

When I was finished eating, I cleaned the kitchen, swept the floors, changed into pajamas, and messed around doing a lot of nothing for the last couple of hours. And now I must sleep so I can get through work tomorrow - goodnight!

i'm leaving with the light

I should have gone to bed an hour ago, so this will be brief. Today was good, all in all, and it looked like just about every other day that I've had recently - meditation, journaling, working, etc. The one big change was that I made a dash to Whole Foods this afternoon - I hadn't been to a grocery store in over a week (maybe two weeks? I don't know anymore), so I needed produce. I could have lasted a couple more days, but it's going to snow here tonight/tomorrow, so I felt like getting food now was wise.

So I suited up with gloves and mask and ran the errand, and hopefully didn't pick up the 'rona. I also talked to Veronica tonight, which was what I needed. Then I did a bit of nothing (while also doing laundry), and then I worked for a couple of hours. And now it's really time for bed - goodnight!

captivate

Today was much better than yesterday, for no reason that I could discern other than that it wasn't Monday. I meditated, journaled, and cut my bangs before work, and then I slogged all day. I was done around five, and I forced myself to do stuff around the house for two hours before letting myself sit down. This mostly involved tidying, taking out trash, scrubbing, etc, all of which needed to happen at some point.

Then I reheated stew and talked to Caroline (mostly social), and then I messed around online. And now that the day is over (truthfully it was over awhile ago since I fell asleep on the couch first), it's time for bed. Goodnight!

but then a lot of nice things turn bad out there

It's something like day 35 of isolation, and I keep thinking I've hit a new normal....but if today was the new normal, the new normal sucks. There was no good reason for my lack of motivation, but I was certainly suffering from it - I could have gotten any number of things done for work or personal activities, and yet I could barely rise above the minimum required for anything. However, I did have a happy hour with Morganne, and I wrote a bit, and I medidated/journaled, and I cooked some chicken and sweet potatoes, so I guess it could have been worse.

But I will probably feel more motivated if I get some sleep, so it's time for bed - goodnight!

so you used to shake 'em down but now you stop and think about your dignity

I had an extremely lazy day, but I'm going to accept it as par for the quarantine course and move on. I did successfully meditate and journal this morning, so at least there's that. And I wrote multiple pages in my notebook to get back into a fiction project I'm working on, so that's even better. I also talked to Barbara (Colorado Barbara), talked to my parents, and talked to my Aunt B. And I made a v. involved instant pot beef stew that tastes like heaven (if heaven tastes like beef stew).

So, it wasn't all a wash, although I certainly could have done more than this. But it snowed off and on all day, which gave the outdoors a layer of unpleasant coldness on top of the coronavirus, so I had no desire to leave the house. And anything in the house is theoretically useful to do, but doesn't *need* to be done (I've survived this long without organizing my guest room closet, so I can probably last another week without doing it). So, it's no wonder I didn't seize the day and get things done - that kind of attitude will have to wait for another day. Right now, it's time for bed - goodnight!

I want you back where you belong

Too tired to blog - I accomplished basically nothing today and yet felt v busy and am now exhausted. I did get up and meditate/journal (after sleeping somewhat badly), so at least I did that. Then I spent a ridiculous amount of time getting ready for a virtual happy hour. The theme was France and Italy, and I decided to go full Marie Antoinette. That meant teasing my hair and powdering it, and also doing my makeup heavier than usual. The costume turned out great, if I do say so myself - and it was good for some laughs, especially since the other participants showed up in berets.

So, that was super fun. The happy hour ended up lasting over three hours, during which I drank champagne and then switched to aperol spritzes. Then I had a call with Jen, Joann, and Jane, who were perhaps surprised to see my costume since they definitely weren't wearing costumes. Then I took a nap, showered to get all the powder out of my hair, and relaxed the rest of the night. But now I must sleep - goodnight!

you just don't care what you look like, the world is falling around you

Today was a bit weird, but probably would have been considered normal in the beforetimes. I woke up and laid in bed longer than I planned, but I still was able to meditate, journal, and shower before my first meeting of the day. I only slogged for a few hours - while I realize it's bizarre to feel like I need a break right now, I need a break right now, and so I took the afternoon off. That mostly meant I messed around the house. I also ran a quick errand to Target, which was probably stupid; what I got wasn't completely life-threateningly essential, so if I get the 'rona I will deserve it. That said, my leaving-the-house protocol is quite strict, involves a mask and gloves, and requires that I use a paper shopping list (so I can leave my phone in the car) and that I disinfect everything with alcohol when I get home, so I think it's about as good as it can be.

Then I came home, did a bit more house stuff, and had a socially distant happy hour with Kristen. It abruptly started to thunder/rain right at the end, which was a v. unwelcome turn of events, but that only lasted a few minutes. Then I took some time to make a v. v. tasty dinner - I had defrosted some thick boneless pork chops and brined they yesterday, and so today I cooked them and also made an excellent parmesan polenta. These two things go perfectly together, both from a taste perspective and from a preparation perspective - the polenta takes 40+ minutes to cook, while the pork chops take about ten (with five additional minutes to rest), so you can make them together without feeling rushed. Tonight's version turned out particularly well; it's too bad polenta leftovers aren't quite as tasty as fresh polenta, but I think I'll survive.

Then I messed around online and journaled a bit more, and now I need to sleep - goodnight!

she can go straight from zero to the fourth of july

Today was a v. good day, especially for days at the end of the world. I got up early so that I could meditate, journal, and shower before starting meetings at 8am - I usually try to avoid 8am meetings because I dislike mornings fairly intensely, but I didn't have much choice for this one.

So I slogged all day, taking a bunch of meetings from the bar in my kitchen. I've been working there for several days as a change of pace, but I should probably go back to my desk tomorrow - the barstool and counter aren't particularly ergonomically friendly, and I don't want to add a destroyed back/neck to my quarantine woes. The meetings were all fine, and I ate the last of my leftover lemon chicken and eggplant tricolore for lunch, so that was v. nice.

By five, I was done, and so I did some stuff around the kitchen before spending some quality time on a video chat with Irish Matt. He was in fine form, and I got to see one of his babies, which was pretty delightful. Then I messed around, and then I cooked some chicken tortilla soup - it wasn't done in time to eat for supper (and I knew it wouldn't be), but I had all the ingredients in the freezer and I figured it would be a good lunch option for the next few days (especially since it looks like it might snow this weekend).

While the soup was cooking, I ate some leftover enchiladas from my takeout lunch the other day. Then I read a few chapters of DREYER'S ENGLISH - I've heard good things about it and it somehow became a bestseller even though it's a style guide. The praise is v. well deserved - the book is hilarious and I'm really enjoying it (although I don't know what he would think of me always abbreviating 'v.', and I haven't gotten to anything that would indicate his feelings on how often I use parenthetical statements (especially on the blog)).

And now, although it's still early, I need to sleep - one more push tomorrow and then another week is done. Goodnight!

your trojan's in my head

I am going to log off soon because I turned on my laptop to find it's at 8% battery and I'm too lazy to plug it in...and also because I need to get up at six if I want to meditate and journal before starting meetings at eight. But today was much much better, mostly because I went in to the oral surgeon to check on my tongue, which has healed nicely, and found out that the biopsy was normal (aka non-cancerous). So, that's a relief - while I wasn't thinking about it all the time, it was certainly a nagging worry (especially in the midst of a pandemic). I'm glad that's over so I can focus on other concerns!

I also stopped at the Target in Boulder, where I scored some toilet paper (v. exciting times). And I did some work before/after the excursion to the oral surgeon. And then Katie and I had a socially distant happy hour, which was v. necessary and v. entertaining. I also talked to my mom, drank possibly too many margaritas, and now need to sleep them off so I can be on tomorrow. Goodnight!

god of ocean tides

No blog tonight...I was half asleep when I remembered that I hadn't posted. Today was fine, all in all - I got up at 6:30, meditated, did some work, showered, and worked from 8:30 to 5. Some of that was while sitting on my patio in the sun, which is not a bad place to answer email. Then I made a mojito and talked to Ritu, then ate leftovers, then made another mojito and did more work. And now I need to sleep for real - goodnight!

is it worth it? let me work it

I'm too tired to blog - nothing happened, as is the case for many of my Mondays now, but I was still cranky (my body knows it's Monday even if my surroundings no longer change). So I'm going to go to bed and hope my mood improves tomorrow - goodnight!

bright lights is enticin', but look what it did to tyson

I had the kind of hermity day that I usually enjoy when I choose to do it - and I still managed to enjoy it even though I didn't really have much choice in the matter. I did a ton of stuff around the house, including disinfecting my kitchen, breaking down a bunch of boxes, and generally tidying up across all rooms. I also spent some quality time outside - it was seventy degrees, so I watered my lawn and my perennials, and I also swept off my patio furniture. That enabled me to sit outside while I talked to my parents, which was great. I also took a long walk while talking to [censored], which made me feel pretty calm about things, all in all.

The biggest accomplishment was that I tried a new recipe - I made eggplant tricolore from the Ottolenghi cookbook (PLENTY). Trying new recipes is always a bit dicey, especially when ingredients are at a premium - but this was pretty perfect. You roast eggplant slices, and you top them with fresh mozzarella + a 'salsa' made with a yellow bell pepper, cherry tomatoes, capers, red wine vinegar, salt, pepper, etc. And you sprinkle on some cilantro for good measure. This was an amazing dish that would probably be even better if things were in season, and it was the perfect foil for lemon chicken (the Barefoot Contessa's recipe).

But now, I'm falling asleep while I type this, so it's time for bed. Goodnight!

the damn thing went wild

I'm going to bed immediately - I slogged all day, then cut out early to grab some supplies. Then I came home, disinfected those supplies, ate some takeout Indian food, and spent something close to five hours on a videoconference talking about nothing with [censored] and Drewbaby. And now I really need to sleep - goodnight!

look at this graph

I had a long day of slogging, but I meditated and journaled before, so I'll take it. I also presented to my broader team, and I managed to work in a Nickelback reference (a photo from 'Photograph' where he says 'look at this photograph', but I replaced the photograph with a graph). There are no rules anymore and I'm benefitting from that.

I was done a little before six, and I messed around the kitchen and drank wine and talked to my parents. Then I made a v. tasty ribeye, which had been in my freezer - I used the reverse sear method, and with my new meat thermometer it came out perfectly. I had some twice baked potatoes in the freezer as well, so this was a super easy meal - I should probably get some more steak to put in the freezer for a rainy day (although in today's case, it was a snowy day).

Then I had a late happy hour with some coworkers, during which I ate my steak and talked about a variety of subjects and did some cross stitch. And now I must sleep - goodnight!

take all your fears, pretend they're all true, take all your plans, pretend they fell through

Quarantine continues, obvi. I woke up this morning and meditated and journaled before work, and I also took a full shower (with hair washing and leg shaving and everything), so I almost felt like a bona fide well-adjusted adult. I then slogged from nine-ish to five-ish, when I took a break to drive around the neighborhood and run to the post office (I should have walked, but the clouds were looking ominous - it was seventy degrees this afternoon, but it's going to snow tomorrow).

When I got home, I made a margarita (double margarita) and talked to Veronica for quite awhile - we were v. overdue for a catch-up, so we had a virtual happy hour and discussed a wide variety of topics (both writing and otherwise). Then I ate some leftover enchiladas and did a bit more journaling. And then I spent the last couple of hours working - I've been studiously avoiding work many nights, but I was feeling just enough behind that a couple of hours tonight were well-placed to alleviate some of my underlying puritanical guilt/stress.

Finally, let's all wish a v happy (in the midst of ongoing death) birthday to Ritu, the original master of disaster....and also a v happy birth to Claudia's baby! Goodnight!