all of the lights

Thorington and I are not friends right now.

That would probably suffice as a blog post, actually, since it tells you all you need to know about my day without getting into the mundanities of it. I wasn't feeling well and continue to need way too much sleep, so I slept until 8:30 or so, messed around online, and went out to grab food. I was going to write somewhere outside the house, but I took one look at Union Street and all the young things dressed in green and getting drunk for St Patrick's Day, and it made me wish that I had brought my Ides of March-style knife rage out to kill them all. But since I don't want to go to prison for killing bros (or for anything else, for that matter), I decided to retreat to my room and contemplate Thorington in solitude rather than in the midst of a massive pub crawl.

But Thorington was not cooperating, nor was my brain excited by the tasks at hand, so I did some desultory bookkeeping-type stuff and kept procrastinating. I left the house once to mail some stuff and buy flowers, and then I left another time to buy a croissant for my daily gluten intake, and both times made me feel temporarily better but didn't get me totally back in the game. Finally, I met Kathia at Nectar, where we commiserated over how much pain we're both in, and I was able to write up what I needed to write up to send to my editor tonight.

She left around 7:30, and then I worked until Terry showed up at 8:15 for my 'vacation' (which is a v. sad, v. sobering way of saying I took two hours off-off today) (and the fact that I call it 'off-off' instead of 'off', as though I need to designate when I'm really not working vs. when I'm pretending to not be working, is probably worrisome). So I had another glass of wine with her and we caught up on all the usual subjects after several days of not really seeing each other. Then we came home, I did a bit of work to clean up what I needed to send to my editor, and I got it off to her a few minutes ago. That means I can sleep as much as I want tonight without feeling guilty, and I think I'll do some non-writing in the morning (probably bookkeeping, since I'm seeing my CPA next week, but as that doesn't require writing new scenes, I think it's practically like relaxing) before considering Thorington again in the afternoon. Goodnight!

in the daylight we'll be on our own

My Puritanical instincts are telling me to stay up all night and keep working, but my stomach and my gluten fatigue are telling me to go to bed. Today was far more tiring than I had expected it to be, but Alyssa thinks that eating gluten again when I haven't had much of it in almost two years and clearly have a lot of difficulty processing it is making me way more tired than I should be. The theory makes sense; I've gotten almost nine hours of sleep every night for the past three nights and I still required a nap tonight before I could get down to business.

Anyway, I went to work this morning in my gym clothes and slogged from 8:30 to noon without pause. Then I sped over to the gym to train with Alyssa, who made me do more kettlebell swings than my arms were in the mood for. Then I returned to work, sans showering, and inflicted my stinky self on the coworkers who had scheduled meetings in such a way that prevented me from taking a break and showering. I finally got out of there sometime around four, which was later than I had hoped, and so I sat in traffic until I reached my home at 5:30.

And then I took a nap, laid around for a bit, took a long-overdue shower, and schlepped myself over to my favorite french place, where I had a steak and a glass of wine that didn't have the restorative power to overcome the two slices of bread I forced myself to eat with it. They are no longer serving my favorite wine by the glass, but since the manager, the sommelier, and two waiters apologized to me for taking it off the menu, I suppose I shall forgive them rather than filing a lawsuit. I should probably add that the apologies were completely unprompted - I think they like me and don't find me particularly frightening, although since I often come in looking half-crazed, perhaps they're more frightened of me than they let on (but I somehow doubt it).

Anyway, I got some work done there, came home, was going to work some more, and then realized I would be better served by sleeping for nine hours and considering Thorington in the morning. So I sent the first half of Thorington to my editor and will finish making notes on what I'm doing on the second half tomorrow - which means I should stop dallying here and go to bed. Goodnight!

jealous of the rhyme and the rhyme routine

Today was a v. long day. I had jury duty for the second day, and while I was thankfully not called to serve, I spent more time than I had expected to spend sitting there listening to jury selection. I'm glad I participated, since I got some v. interesting glimpses of human nature (including my own), but since I never got called up and so spent the entire time sitting in the back listening to tales of woe/obvious lies/claims of not understanding English, there were moments when I was a bit bored. But my faith in humanity was also reinforced by the fact that everyone from yesterday showed up again today, and no one seemed truly horrendous (with the exception of a couple of people who seemed to lie about their ability to be impartial just to get out of it).

But I was finally released at a point when it would be pointless to go to Mountain View. So I got my boots shined in the lobby of the courthouse, retrieved my car from the lot (where the lot attendant flirted with me for a second day and was sad to hear I'd been dismissed), came home, contemplated work, and instead took the rare opportunity for a gorgeous sunny day and met up with Kathia to write. Yes, I know that sitting in a darkened room writing isn't taking advantage of the sunlight. But over the course of the late afternoon/evening, I wrote twelve pages, so that was awesome. Then I met Priyanka and Ariel for burgers at Roam, where I ate a bun for the first time in ever and discovered that it's tastier than I would have liked to have known about.

And now I am desperate for sleep; I've learned that I can write 2000 words (8-10 pages) in a day without much problem, but when I extend it to 3000 words or more it melts my brain. So, I must sleep if I've any hope of getting my brain to congeal again before work tomorrow. Goodnight!

grand tour

Today was an unusual day, and nothing that I expected it to be. I had jury duty, which I had expected to get out of relatively quickly from what I'd heard from other people. Instead, I sat in a courtroom for seven hours, and they haven't finished selecting the jury for the trial that I got called up for, so I have to go back tomorrow. Sigh.

But I had a decent lunch during the break at a restaurant somewhere in the up and coming SOMA district, and I was home by five. And then I blew off work work and went to La Boulange, where I got my gluten quota in by eating an almond croissant. And then I met Kathia at Nectar, where I wrote ten pages and was v. diligent in making the story happen. Then I came home, stopping along the way to buy some chicken and green beans from the deli, which I ate while watching Rick Steves be interesting and unstylish in England. And now I must go to bed so that I can do this again tomorrow - goodnight!

make that money, watch it burn

The day job was brutal today; I got up early and was in the office by eight, and I stayed there until almost six. I realize that that's a normal job for most people, but adding the commute + the fact that I had meetings the whole time made for a long day. But I managed to sneak a workout in, and I got a fancy juice from the juice place on campus, so that was good. Then I ran errands (I got new glasses!), did some desultory shopping at Stanford Shopping Center (which is even more upscale than it was when I was in college, which I didn't think was possible at the time), had Chipotle for dinner (Ritu would be so proud), and came home. And now I must sleep immediately - this gluten thing is not making me feel well at all, and I'm hoping sleep will help. Goodnight!

never to touch and never to keep

Internet at home is being stupid and I need to go to bed immediately, so I won't spend much time typing on my phone even though you deserve better. But if you're still coming back after all this time, I guess the lure of my mundanity is too much for you to resist, so this post will be right up your alley.

Today was v social and v productive. I wrote five pages before work, went south, had coffee with Alaska Matt, worked a but, had lunch (a delicious seafood stew, aka cioppino) with Cari, worked some more, took an impromptu walk and got juice with John, worked again, and left at 5:30 to rendezvous with Kathia. She's back at Half Moon Bay and I was tempted to stay the night, but prudent thoughts (aka my upset stomach) made me come home instead. But I met her there, wrote another five pages, and had dinner before coming home.

And now I must sleep so I can write and slog tomorrow - goodnight!

it's the heart that matters more

Today was mostly frustrating, but I finally remembered to chill the fuck out at the end of it, so at least I'm ending the weekend on a positive note. I spent the morning doing bookkeeping-type stuff, since I'm trying to turn this writing thing into a real business with better records (as opposed to the old system, in which I throw all receipts into a box and spend two days during tax season sorting through them all, which guarantees a) misery and b) that I missed things I should have deducted). And I spent the afternoon trying to write, but I'm feeling blocked and unhappy and generally anxious about finishing it to my satisfaction in the time I've allotted myself (which I realize is a crazy self-imposed deadline that has no basis in reality).

So when I had my usual call with my parents, I took it from the roof deck so I could get some much-needed fresh air. Then I ran a couple of errands and was going to come home and try to write some more, but I realized that trying to force it tonight was just going to make me cranky and continue the burnout. So I grabbed a coffee (and sat for half an hour daydreaming + eavesdropping on an AA sponsor meeting), and then had family time dinner with Adit, Priyanka, Katrina, and Akash at a Koreanish restaurant near Adit and Priyanka's place. Family time was just what the doctor ordered; we had to go around and discuss what we learned last week, what we'll change, what will make us faster, and how we can be more social (because these are obvious questions to ask over dinner). My realization was that I should have taken either yesterday or today off-off despite my deadline, which frustrates me to no end but is probably something I need to force myself to do more often. Ugh. But I was not the only one who was feeling stressed, and I didn't almost get killed by a crazy man in a laundromat like some people, so I guess all in all I'm in okay shape.

So that was all lovely. And then I came home, painted my nails, regretted painting my nails for a split second when I felt a minor earthquake and was worried I'd have to ruin my nails and take cover if it turned major, and have just written this post. And now I'm going to go to sleep - goodnight!

tell me that you want me

I'm way tired, but that could be because I read four books in the last two days while also attempting to write and work on the day job and have a tiny bit of a social life. I had to judge seven books for a romance contest, and of course I procrastinated, and so I had to read the last four immediately. Oops. So I read two books last night (they were short), then read another in bed this morning, and I read the last one in bed tonight. In between those reading festivities, I had brunch, cleaned my room, tried to write and mostly failed (I got about two pages, although I made a lot of notes about character development, so it's not like I wasn't thinking), and made supper. I also ate my allotted two slices of bread, which may be contributing to my foggy malaise.

But tomorrow is another day and I think I am coming unblocked on the current issues with my story, so hopefully Thorington submits to my cruel mercies tomorrow. Goodnight!

wheat belly

I can't express how wrong it felt to buy a loaf of bread, cut two slices off of it, and eat it. The bread was great (fresh sourdough from Whole Foods), and I bought some absurdly delicious and overpriced French butter to make it even more decadent, but ultimately it felt like I was eating poison. Which, to be fair, is probably accurate; I felt sick most of the afternoon, and now my back is itching in what is probably a psychosomatic event but could also be the start of what may, in a few days, turn into hives.

Sooooo, this attempt to decide whether I have celiac disease is probably going to make for a miserable couple of weeks. Combine that with an impending deadline of doom for Thorington, jury duty, the upcoming end of quarter at work, and a host of other to-dos, and I think I'm destined for some unpleasantness. But hopefully I get some answers to my stomach issues, and then it will all be worth it.

But if you want to hear something other than my octogenarianish recounting of my digestive issues, you are in for a disappointment. I will say that I worked from home, then slacked off at five and went with Terry to Nectar, where we were going to read but where we just talked over wine instead. Then we had sushi, which was utterly delicious. And now I am desperate for sleep - goodnight!

the forbidden fruit must be tasted

Today was v. odd. I trained with Alyssa, who spared my wrist any further attempts to slam a kettlebell into it, so that was nice of her. Then I went to work, had some meetings, went to my eye doctor (my eyes continue to kick ass, although they're getting dry compared to my youth), then had more meetings all afternoon. I did have a nice lunch interlude, though, since the cafe staff v. randomly offered to make me an omelette rather than making me wait for whatever was coming out of the over. Yes, I'm totally spoiled - so spoiled that I was a little annoyed that I could only fill it with whatever I could find on the salad bar, which meant mushrooms/tomatoes/cheese since I didn't want fetal corn/garbanzo beans. I'll say it again - yes, I'm totally spoiled.

I left the office around four to see my actual doctor - today was clearly all about my health, which was efficient for my mind if not for my work email. My ulcer friend appears to be coming back, and so my doctor has chosen to take some steps that are probably smart in the long run but will make me unhappy in the short run. She wants to test me to see if I have fullblown celiac disease rather than just a gluten insensitivity, but the test requires that you have eaten gluten daily for at least two weeks. So I'm on strict orders to eat at least two slices of bread (or some such equivalent) for two weeks, at which point I'll need to get bloodwork and an endoscopy. Boo. So I guess if there is some gluten-filled food you've been dying to feed me, you should do it now, since there's a somewhat decent chance that I will never eat it again after this month.

So that was all a little bit of a bummer. Then I came home (traffic was a real bummer), messed around a bit, and had supper at my favorite French place, since I needed to feel safe and loved (and eat some bread, and theirs is great). Then I came home, and now I must sleep - goodnight!

pompeii

I need to go to bed immediately - I stayed up later than planned reading a book (I need to judge it for a contest), and training with Alyssa is going to come all too soon. Today was fine, albeit not great since my stomach has been hurting a lot, so I stayed home and am going to go to the doctor tomorrow. But I got some work done, took care of some writing-related stuff, wrote about a page of Thorington's book, and read, so that's all good.

And now I must sleep - goodnight!

long train running

I'm going to bed two hours later than I had planned, so I'll keep this brief. Suffice it to say that I got up early enough this morning to write two pages (but not the five I had hoped for), then attended meetings, then drove down to the glorious south bay to train with Alyssa. She's got me doing kettlebell cleans now, which bruised the hell out of my arm from swinging a 16kg bell into it over and over - I will get better or else my arm will fall off. Then I had a v. depressing lunch (everyone around me was raving about some cafe they went to while I ate something sad from my building), then had meetings all afternoon.

But I was able to get out of work on time and go to Shedletsky and Tina's house for dinner. I hadn't seen them in ages and ages since I'm horrible with email, but they've bought a house, and so they had me over for a v. tasty steak dinner. We discussed weddings, careers, porn, romance novels, trains, Russia, would-be spies, bitcoins, and a lot of other topics, not necessarily in that order. And it was fantastic to see them - so fantastic that I stayed for four hours, which meant I didn't get home until 11:15ish.

So tomorrow will be brutal, particularly since my stomach is already hurting...hopefully my stress case can pull itself together by tomorrow. Goodnight!

we be all night

So, I'm really pleased with the progress I made on Thorington's book this weekend, but spending three days staring at a screen nonstop didn't exactly make it easy to go into the office and face the prospect of doing the same thing for the day job this week. I woke up in Half Moon Bay, had breakfast with Kathia, packed, checked out, and made it into the office around 10:45 (waiting out traffic was imperative). Then I slogged all day, with a break to have lunch with Alyssa, since she wanted to see my place of work.

By four or five I really just wanted to come home, but I had a work event/dinner/thing that I had to stay for. So I ended up being on campus until sometime after 7:30, which was way later than I wanted to be there. I had fortified with coffee and ibuprofen, but it wasn't really cutting it. However, I made the drive home safely, stopped to buy milk for my tea and salmon for my breakfast, and I'm now ready to go to bed so that I can get eight hours of sleep before starting this process again tomorrow. I have grand plans to get up and write before work, but we shall see how that goes - goodnight!

sleep experience

I need to go to bed immediately, since I have to go to work in the morning and I somehow have to metabolize all this rum before that happens. Life is hard.

But this weekend was exactly what I had hoped for, even if what I had hoped for was a world of pain and misery. I woke up this morning, laid in bed for an hour and caught up on current events on my phone (Ukraine makes me sad and is giving me visions of Czechoslovakia '38), and then showered before joining Kathia downstairs for breakfast. We broke our respective fasts with some lovely omelettes, and then I wrote from 9:30ish to 1ish. Then we took a walk along the cliffs before coming back to the hotel and having a late brunch. After brunch, I was sorely in need of a nap, so I slept for thirty minutes, then sat out in an adirondack chair and stared at the ocean while talking to my parents. Then I came in and wrote from 5 to 8, at which point Kathia and I were DONE and so moved to the bar, where we watched the rest of the Oscars and I somehow drank a lot of rum (a mai tai and two mojitos).

All in, though, I wrote ~50 pages this weekend, which is totally respectable (and by that I mean it's totally fucking crazy). If I get up in time in the morning, I'm going to try to write a few more pages before work - I need to wait out rush hour anyway, so I might as well eat breakfast and write before driving over the bay side of the peninsula. But now I must sleep - goodnight!

love lies bleeding

I had a really long, often brutal day, but it was exactly the day I signed up for and so I'm really pleased with it despite the pain. I got a full eight hours of sleep, which was v. necessary, and then I threw on some yoga pants (yes, I'm one of those girls now) and joined Kathia in the lounge for breakfast. We paid to have all-day access to the club lounge, which turned out to be the best decision ever because there were lots of tables and couches to work at, a steady stream of new and interesting foods, and endless champagne/wine/alcohol on hand. I was a good girl and limited myself to tea and coffee until mid-afternoon, but the white wine saved my life later in the day when I was staring down at the blank page and trying to figure out what to say next. Also, they made me a gluten free roast beef sandwich with a nice kick to it, which may have been the best sandwich I've ever had, so they've won my heart forever.

So we wrote all morning, and then I took a break to go outside for some fresh air, followed by a rejuvenating shower. This place is totally gorgeous, btw; I saw multiple rainbows over the ocean this morning, including a great double rainbow, which was super cool. Then I wrote for another three hours in the afternoon, at which point my brain was melting. So I went downstairs and sat in an adirondack chair and watched the ocean for half an hour while a bagpiper (yes, a bagpiper) played. Then I repainted my nails, rendezvoused with Kathia, and had supper in the bar - Alyssa would be happy to know that I chose the awesome roasted chicken, although she would be unhappy to know that I had Bailey's later (if she knew what Bailey's was, which is perhaps doubtful). After supper, we wrote for another couple of hours. But at 9:45ish we were both beyond done. So now I'm lying in bed, watching a fake fire on the television, and contemplating whether to read for a little bit or go to sleep.

But I wrote almost twenty pages of Thorington's book today - I would have hit twenty, but I decided to stop writing and instead plot out what I think needs to happen in the rest of the book. I'm feeling good(ish) about it, although I have a shit-ton of work to do before it's done. But that's a stressful thought for another day - goodnight!

i don't want to let you go until you see the light

I am in Half Moon Bay, which is gorgeous - it's rainy and damp with occasional flashes of dramatic sunshine (during the day; it would certainly be dramatic if they happened at night), which is perfect for a writing retreat. I didn't get down here as early as I had planned; I woke up this morning around 6:30, which was only five hours after I'd gone to bed, and I made the mistake of checking my work email, which turned into an hour and a half of work. At that point it was eight a.m., and I tried to sleep some more, but I pretty much failed. So I made breakfast, packed, showered, and then got a text from Kathia saying that she wasn't leaving until twelve - so I promptly took my wet hair and went back to bed for half an hour.

But I finally roused myself, loaded my car, got some coffee at Philz, and drove down to Half Moon Bay. I got here around two p.m., checked in, and met Kathia in the bar, where we wrote for a couple of hours. I will admit that I was quite distracted by the television, which is unusual for me, but since they were discussing current events in Ukraine, I was really having trouble focusing. But I slogged through the rest of that scene, and then we took a break and walked along the ocean for awhile, which was lovely.

After our walk, I took a v. brief nap, and then we had dinner - I had an amazing beef shortrib dish that made me very happy. And then we sat in the lounge and wrote for another couple of hours. I got to ten pages today, which is respectable but not enough to thrill me. However, I'm still tired from this week's slogging, so I'm going to go to bed now, sleep nineish hours, and then hit it hard tomorrow. Goodnight!

storms are brewing in your eyes

Today was v. long. I woke up at sixish, put on my spiffy new workout clothes, and drove down to Palo Alto to train with Alyssa. The rain conspired with my email to make me late, but I saw a rainbow on the way there, so I suppose that was something good. My training session was also good, and it put me in a good frame of mind to conquer the day.

And conquer I did. My work projects continue to be totally, utterly ridiculous, but someone gave me a peer bonus for it, so that was nice. The peer bonus is mostly symbolic and perhaps wouldn't cover my champagne budget for the month, but I don't know if that tells you that the bonus is small or that I drink a ton of champagne. But it was still lovely to be recognized for all the expertise I've built up over the years. And my meetings were mostly good and I felt mostly like I did good things, so it was nice to leave work feeling that way...

...only to sit in traffic for an hour and a half. I took a break when I got home to have dinner with Terry, since we hadn't really seen each other in ages. But then I worked from 8:30 until 12:30, since I'm taking tomorrow off and that meant that I had to do all this stuff that a normal workaholic would have done over the weekend. I'm leaving for a writing retreat at an undisclosed location (aka Half Moon Bay) with Kathia tomorrow, and I'm staying until it's time to go to work Monday morning. So hopefully I'll make massive progress on Thorington. And while I wish that I had gone to bed three hours ago, I'm glad that I can now go write with a mostly empty work to-do list and a mostly-settled feeling about what I need to do next week. Of course, my personal inbox and to-do list are complete shitshows, but I've got to drop the ball somewhere, right? Goodnight!

the cold never bothered me anyway

I'm a very dull boy this week; there has been space in my life for v. little beyond work. But I'm mostly happy, if only because I don't have time to stop and think. Today was another brutal slog, compounded by spending close to four hours commuting, which should be illegal. I left the house at 6:45am and was at my desk at 8:45am (taking the shuttle is better for productivity, but involves more walking/schlepping around on either end of the trip), and then I left my desk at 4:30 and was home at 6:25 (which would have been slightly better had I not had to make a long detour for gas). The rain has turned everyone into idiots again, and I'm not psyched about driving down again tomorrow, but I shall survive.

Once I reached the office, I ate my salary in smoked salmon, then had meetings pretty much straight from 9am to 4pm, with a brief break that I used to straighten up my desk rather than doing anything more pressing. But there was champagne in the middle, so that's not bad. Then I came home, was home for five minutes, and immediately left to a) buy new workout clothes (my favorites are embarrassingly worn at this point) and b) eat at my favorite place and write some of Thorington's book. The workout clothes buying was successful, I wrote three and a half pages of Thorington while limiting myself to only one glass of wine (shocker), and I caught up on the lives and scandals of all my favorite waiters, so it was all lovely.

And now I must sleep so I can do it all again tomorrow, although I'm adding Alyssa and likely subtracting the wine. Goodnight!

she took me in and gave me breakfast

I need to go to bed immediately so that I can get eight hours of sleep tonight - alas. As it turns out, yesterday didn't wreck my body as much as I thought - Alyssa was stunned at how even my shoulders were when I walked in this morning, and I was able to touch the floor without any effort at all. So maybe working nonstop is good for me!

Ha. Unlikely. I slept for eight and a half hours last night, got up early, stared at the ceiling for awhile, and then worked from home until ten. That meant I did two hours of day job work and snuck in forty-five minutes of Thorington, which was enough for two pages. This is better than I should have done, since I've decided to be kind to myself and not expect writing output on days when I also have workouts, since there just isn't enough time in the day. Yes, I know my definition of 'kind' is not particularly kind.

But getting a couple of pages of Thorington out into the world before going to work felt amazing. So I drove down and trained with Alyssa, then had lunch while working with my team on an ongoing project, then had meetings straight through until five. I adjourned then to go to happy hour (unfortunate, since I neither wanted a drink nor the fried food on offer at the local dive bar), then caught a shuttle home and was in my apartment by 7:15 - not bad for the jhoke that is my daily commute. Then I ate supper and read a book - I need to judge entries for a published writing contest, and this one was pretty good without being totally stellar. Still, it's better than some of the other stuff waiting for me in that mixed bag of entries, so it was a good place to start.

And now I must sleep - goodnight!

you were the first, you'll be the last

I must stop staring at my laptop immediately if I'm going to have any hope of recovering from how chaining myself to my desk all day has wrecked my body. But the chaining was quite useful, even if I can't sustain it every day - I slogged pretty hardcore for the day job all day, but since I worked from home, I was able to sneak away in the late afternoon and have a quick, impromptu writing date with Kathia. I wrote five pages of Thorington and Callie, which flowed pretty well - hopefully that's a sign that I'm getting into the story (although I know better than to count any of these chickens, since they usually hatch into vile monsters who must be slaughtered).

Then I grabbed some foodstuffs for dinner, bought flowers for my desk because I'm a spoiled princess, and spent the last three hours or so working on stuff for the writing business and my taxes, which is not a fun or pleasant activity. But I was trying to get through some business stuff so that I can ignore everything and focus solely on the book this weekend, and I think I got through the most pressing, distracting items on the list. I still need to prep my receipts and see my CPA, and I still need to judge some books for the RITA contest, and that all needs to happen in the next two weeks...but this weekend I think I can write without regrets.

And now I must sleep so I can do it all again tomorrow - goodnight!

see the light, touch the light, we're together now

I'm in full-on crazy writer mode now. Or maybe I'm not entirely in full-on crazy mode; I allowed myself to take a nap and get a mani/pedi today, so it could definitely be worse. But I got up in time to meet Kathia at 7:15 (okay, I got there at 7:30) for a writing date, which is totally crazy-town given how tired I was last night and how little I enjoy getting up in the morning. But it was worth it, since I typed up what I'd written in my notebook and wrote a couple of pages before vacating the coffeeshop for my mani/pedi appointment.

The middle part of my day involved some much-needed downtime; I got my manicure and pedicure, and my nails look lovely even if I forsook the gel polish in favor of not getting melanoma from the UV light used to cure it. Then I went to Caffe Union and had huevos while reading part of the Lonely Planet guidebook for Devon and Cornwall - I'm not going there anytime soon (although the guidebook made me want to throw everything away and go there immediately), but my next series is set there, so I was looking up facts and towns and photos. Then I came home and took a much-needed and mostly-deserved nap before talking to my parents for an hour.

But after I was off the phone, it was showtime again. So I rendezvoused with Kathia and we wrote for a couple more hours. I'm making progress, even if I'm so far from done that it makes me feel vaguely ill (yes, I know that's nonsensical; no, I'm probably not going to be able to calm down and enjoy my many and varied accomplishments instead of beating myself up for not being able to write four books a year). But Thorington and Callie (that's his heroine) are amazing together, so I think I'm just going to have to skip the scenes where there not together and figure all that out later. I probably should have kept writing, but instead we went to Izzy's for prime rib, and I had an entertaining conversation with her and her husband while being plied with wine by their favorite waiter.

And now I am going to go to bed so that I can get eight and a half hours or so and then try to write before work - wish me luck. Goodnight!

living in a lost generation

I had a v. fun and v. educational day, but I'm completely wiped out...if only I could take next week off so that I could focus solely on writing. But even though I only got six hours of sleep last night, woke up with a vague wine hangover at 6:45am, and had to be out the door at 7:45 to go to Sunnyvale, it was all worth it. My writing workshop was really good, and it was great to hang out with my friend Grace. We were at the workshop from nine to five-thirty, and then we stopped in Palo Alto for dinner at Palo Alto Sol before heading back to the city.

And now, after that v. boring update, I desperately need to go to bed so I can get eight and a half hours of sleep before getting up tomorrow and meeting Kathia for an early (and often) writing date. I'm going to have to start doing two-a-days if I'm going to catch up on Thorington enough to stop stressing about him, so get ready for me to turn insane starting immediately. Goodnight!

i love you so, i'd eat you whole

Today continued to be ridic at work, but I held true to my plan to a) work out and b) leave early (although I didn't leave until 3:15, and I had hoped to leave at 2:30). But I managed to take a break and train with Alyssa, which was awesome even if I did have to go straight back to campus without showering and sit through a meeting in my own stench. But I got to shower over lunch, and it turns out that the showers in my building (which I've never used before) are actually surprisingly nice. So, that's good to know if my life keeps moving in the direction it's currently moving (aka I relapse into full-blown workaholism).

But I got out of there at three, made it home around 4:30, took care of a couple of tings, and left the house at five to write. This was despite the fat that a more alluring plan presented itself, but I held true to my plan and wrote for an hour and a half even though it was hard and brutal slogging. But it netted three or four pages of Thorington, which is better than what I had, so I'm v. happy with that. Then I took an uber (because I'm fancy) to Adit and Priyanka's, where I chatted with them until it was time for Priyanka to go to work. After that, Adit and I had dinner at Mission Beach Cafe with Marina, an old college friend who is in town and staying with them this weekend. She's awesome, and I hadn't seen Adit in a v. small group of people our own age in quite some time, so it was great to catch up with them. Adit did ask me at one point if I'm an Asian tourist, since I was taking pictures of all my food - but in my defense, Alyssa is asking me to take pictures, so if you hang out with me in the coming weeks, don't be surprised if I look like an idiot.

And now, after learning about the city of Verona and Cypriot mountain goats and French Laundry and all the rest, I desperately need to sleep - I have to get up at 6:45 so I can go to Sunnyvale for an all-day writing activity, which will hopefully be educational enough to make me feel less surly about sacrificing a weekend day. Goodnight!

guns hidden under our petticoats

Work continues to be ridic, but I'm trying to get through everything that I can get through tomorrow so that I can ignore it all weekend in favor of spending some quality time with Thorington. So I got up super early, was on the shuttle before seven a.m., and slogged incessantly and without break (yes, that's redundant) until fiveish. But I took champagne for my team, so at least I was able to drink away my pain at lunchtime (no, you shouldn't be worried). Then I took the shuttle back to the city and went straight to my dinner plans. But I was twenty minutes early getting back to the city - I had hoped to be forty-five minutes early so that I could write, but it took almost two hours to get off campus and into the city, so that plan failed. But I stopped by my favorite wine bar for a drink and twenty minutes of writing before dinner - and instead ran into Kathia, who was just about to leave. So we had a glass of champagne and commiserated on our woes (my day job, her writing), which was lovely.

Then I adjourned next door, where I had a v. wonderful and entertaining dinner with Lauren (aka Subz) and Terry. I hadn't seen Lauren in ages, so it was great to see her, and I had quite an enjoyable evening. Then Terry and I came home and watched the women's skating results, which I'm glad I got to see before I was spoiled. And now I must sleep since I intend to catch an earlyish shuttle, get some work done, train with Alyssa, get some more work done, and then throw my laptop away so that I can focus on Thorington. Goodnight!

she's got a boyfriend anyway

Today was totally rough at work for reasons that I can't disclose (nothing life- or career-threatening, although my soul is slowly being crushed, so I suppose that's noteworthy). But I made the executive decision to work from home, which was good for my morale if only because I was able to stop at six and actually be home already rather than having to get carsick on a shuttle. At that point I was in desperate need of some fresh air and a change of scene, so I took a meandering stroll for fifteen blocks or so, then had dinner and some wine at my favorite French bistro (yes, I was there yesterday, but I was with people then, which is *totally* different). Also, I ordered chicken and white wine instead of steak and red wine, so I blew everyone's minds.

But as much as my french bistro habit is silly and expensive, it totally fixed me, at least for an hour. I wrote a couple of pages of Thorington's book (he's yummy), stopped thinking about work, enjoyed my wine, and had a long chat with one of my favorite Des Amis people about Vegas, Austin, and a variety of other topics. Then I came home and watched figure skating, although I did succumb to the lure of my work email for a little bit.

Now I shall go upstairs, go to bed, and hopefully get onto the shuttle quickly tomorrow since I have to present to some meeting at 9:30am - goodnight!

wild thing...you make my heart sing

I'm exhausted and falling asleep over my tablet, so I shall keep this brief. I had a totally annoying day at work, but it was redeemed by dimmer and some Olympics watching with Tammy and Daniel. We went to Des Amis because I love that place, as anyone who has ever read my blog knows. Then we watched snowboard cross and bobsled and skiing until Tammy and I were both falling asleep and Daniel decided it was time for them to go home.

So, it was lovely to see her, even if I'm way tired now. I blame work - I was so swamped that I still went to train with Alyssa but I didn't have time to shower after, so I went straight back to work and sat on meetings in my workout clothes and stench all afternoon. But I took a relatively early shuttle home and showered before dinner so I didn't embarrass Tammy's delicate sensibilities. And now I must go to bed - goodnight!

biblical

I just looked at the clock and realized that I must go to bed immediately - I've got a brutal, annoying day shaping up tomorrow, and I need to reserve my energy so that I can enjoy some Olympics with Tammy (aka Tammmeh) in the evening. But today was pretty productive, if I ignore the fact that I had a bit of a freakout over my book. I woke up in time to meet Kathia for a 9am writing date, and I wrote three or four pages before coming home. Then I did some more work, journaled, showered, went out for a v. late lunch, came home, and napped for an hour and a half. And then I spent my evening doing a v. annoying bit of data monkeying while watching Olympics coverage...I suppose it could be worse and I could have done it while having my fingernails pulled out or something, so I guess I should be happy the Olympics were on to console me.

But now I must sleep since I have to leave by 6:45 tomorrow - goodnight!

and you let it go

I should have gone to bed two hours ago, but Olympics and tax prep kept me up until now. And that means that getting up in the morning is going to be rougher than I would have liked; I don't have to go to work, but I'm meeting Kathia at 9am for a writing date, so I need to get to bed immediately. There's nothing else of interest to report anyway, since I spent the day sleeping (until after ten a.m.), cleaning (not much to do since I cleaned up after the party last night), writing (only four pages, but that's better than nothing), talking to my parents, and watching Olympics. I'm going to rinse and repeat tomorrow - goodnight!

drunk in love

Today was awesome - much more awesome than I expected when I went to bed last night, since I just wanted to sleep for a million hours. Instead, I slept for ten, got dressed, had breakfast at my favorite place down the street in an effort to minimize my cooking endeavors, and then went shopping for important contributions to my kitchen. This includes a stop at BevMo for liquor + a stock-up on red wine, the party store for gold medals and paper plates, and Whole Foods for a shit-ton for produce and other overpriced but tasty goods.

Then I got home and started cooking in earnest. And by 'earnest' I mean that I made borscht. I made a double batch, which involved a lot of chopping, and I'm not sure I would have made it had I not had my food processor to shred the beets, carrots, and cabbage. But it turned out amazingly well - so well that multiple people asked for the recipe, which is not common for things that come from the darkest, beetiest heart of Mother Russia.

But I had vowed to be easier on myself at this party and not have to cook for all of it, which I mostly succeeded at - and I succeeded by not making the Olympic Rings Cakes (tm). I have no regrets; I was too tired to do them, and it would have been impossible to do them all today, and besides, there would have been a cake for approximately every four people at the party, which results in a lot of wasted cake. Instead, I made the borscht, and I got fruits in the Olympics colors and made chocolate dipping sauce, and there were chips and guac and salsa, so I think people survived.

And all in all it was super fun. Heather (aka dear respected madam) came in mid-afternoon to say hi after her hair appointment, but she couldn't stay, which was too bad. But I was able to take a break and hang out with her the whole time she was hear, and it was great to see her. Then I made gluten-free chocolate chip chewies, practiced making White Russians (I think I drank most of them anyway), and started organizing tings. The turnout was really good, especially for a winter Olympics that no one seems to care about very much. I spent the first half alternating between cooking in the kitchen and watching in the living room, and then I spent the second half (as per usual) holed up in the dining room with the usual suspects (John, Jess, Adit, Priyanka, Katrina, Vidya). But it was great to see Sarah, Tolu, Fred, Jamie, and all the rest. And Tammy (aka Tammmmmmehh) made a super special and relatively unexpected appearance, so maybe we'll be able to watch together again later this week.

But now I'm falling asleep on my keyboard - it's time for bed. Goodnight!

everything that kills me makes me feel alive

Even though I slept ten hours last night, I'm still totally exhausted. It didn't help that I had a really stressful afternoon; it usually takes twenty minutes to get to my hair salon, but today it took 45, and I had to abandon my car and walk seven blocks when it became clear I might never get across Market. So I was half an hour late to my haircut, which was only forgivable because I've been going there for years and am never late. But Lauren couldn't do her usual awesome blowout, so she left my hair wet and braided it - cute, but not what I had planned.

And because my car was secdn blocks away, I couldn't go to Whole Foods as I had planned. So I came home, pouted, and made eggs for dinner. Then I watched last night's Olympics coverage (figure skating! Sadness!) and tried to regain my energy for a late night grocery run, but I've decided to screw it and go to bed instead.

So I may not bake the cakes this year - I would rather make borscht, and the cakes are super wasteful for the number of people who are coming. And the national food of Russia is disappointment, so it seems fitting. But maybe I'll wake up with tons of energy and desire to bake...stranger things have happened. Goodnight!

man in motion

I'm beyond tired - having one night in the week where I only get six hours of sleep is enough to wreck me for the rest of it. Today was fine; I worked out with Alyssa, had a bunch of meetings, had lunch with some people I started with at the day job ten and a half years ago (crazy), had some more meetings, and came home relatively early to beat traffic. Once I got here, I should have worked on day job stuff, but instead I started working on my taxes for 2013 (not exactly my favorite task) while watching last night's Olympic coverage. It's only nine p.m. now, but I think I'm going to go to bed without watching tonight - I believe I shall work from home tomorrow, so maybe I can watch some of it in the morning while working on monkeyish tasks. But for now, I shall bid you adieu!

forty-seven heartbeats beating like a drum

I'm exhausted and had hoped to be in bed an hour ago, but the fabulous writer life kept me up. And by that I mean 'dear God, why would anyone ever want to be a writer?!'. J/k. But that is what Kathia and I asked each other when we met up at ~7:30am (it was supposed to be 7) for a writing date. I mean, really, why would anybody be so dumb as to pursue this on top of a day job that actually pays pretty well and perfectly matches one's interests? Only idiots would do that.

sssanyway. I wrote five pages of Thorington's book before peacing out and taking the shuttle south. Then I slogged for many hours, although I took a 'break' to attend an interesting talk on women and negotiation. Then I went to a 'wine Wednesday' event at work solely because Gloria Ferrer was the featured winery - they make my favorite champagne (aka sparkling wine), and have a lovely vineyard in Sonoma that I took my parents to way back in the day. So I had approximately one more glass than I should have had, along with the food being served (an amazing risotto and some decent mahi mahi, with chocolate covered strawberries for dessert), and hung out with a couple of my coworkers for a couple of hours. Then I sat with my personal laptop and was going to write, but instead messed around with metadata for an hour until I felt completely safe to drive home.

And now I desperately need to sleep - I have to train with Alyssa tomorrow, and my alarm is going to go off much too soon. Goodnight!

yolo, baby

I should have gone to bed an hour ago, but I wanted to watch Olympics after spending like thirteen hours working. Since I spent all that time working, you can guess that nothing interesting at all happened...and you would be right. Although I did have a v. lovely lunch with Chandlord, so at least that was good. But now I'm going to finish watching halfpipe and go to bed. Goodnight!

don't hang yourself with a celibate rope

I don't have time to blog tonight - I have to get up at six, which means I must sleep right now if I want to feel rested in the morning. Today was fine, though; I worked from home, which was good for my stress level even if I didn't get as much done as I had hoped (does that refrain sound familiar?).

But I stopped beating myself up long enough to meet up with Kathia, where I wrote three slow and brutally hard-fought pages. But I think things may be unlocking themselves so the pain was worth it. Then I bought groceries, came home, and ate the stuff I bought in the deli section rather than forcing myself to cook. And in a sign that I'm still tired and not fully recovered, I'm going to bed even before Olympics coverage ends for the night -,goodnight!

ukraine girls really knock me out

I did way too much today, which has contributed to the fact that my recovery from my cold has stalled. I slept for ten hours, but then I showered, made breakfast/lunch, and cleaned out my kitchen. This was a necessary task, since we had a lot of expired food and the cabinet shelves hadn't been cleaned in...ever. It perhaps didn't have to be done today, but since I want to go grocery shopping and restock in anticipation of my upcoming Olympics festivities, it was probably smart to have done it today.

But by the time I was done, it was three p.m., which is the time I had agreed to meet Kathia for a writing date. So we met up, but I only worked for an hour and a half before throwing in the towel, buying a few groceries, and coming home. Once here, I talked to my parents, then made some chili for supper, then made a test round of pelmini (Siberian meat dumplings) while watching Olympics coverage from yesterday (since I'm woefully behind due to my conference yesterday). Unfortunately, the pelmini were pretty much a failure; for one, I think I needed more salt in the meat, and for another, I tried to make them gluten free and I may have finally met a recipe that I can't recreate sans gluten. The major disadvantage of gluten-free dough is that it doesn't have any stretch whatsoever (that's what the gluten does), and so it was nearly impossible to make a dumpling without tearing the dough unless the dough:meat ratio was too heavy on the dough side. I made four and boiled them up, but I was disheartened by the results, so I tossed the rest of the dough (luckily I had only made a half batch) and put the rest of the meat in the fridge so I can make some weird sans-dough pelmini meatballs tomorrow. Sad times.

So with that failure weighing heavily on me (or perhaps lightly, since it means I won't feel compelled to spend the next four days making and freezing dumplings), I'm going to bed - goodnight!

telling you what my heart meant

I'm starting to fall asleep as I consider what to write, and that never bodes well for coherence. This should be obvious since my thought after typing that immediately leapt to Bode Miller. But I suppose it's not obvious since you aren't in my head. C'est la vie.

Today was great, but I'm completely and totally fucking exhausted, so I'm hoping the rain will soothe me into slumber and keep me there for nine or ten hours so I can recover. I got up at 8:30, messed around with my dress/hair/makeup, made a leisurely breakfast, and clearly procrastinated about walking over to my conference. But I finally forced myself to go (I knew I would have fun when I got there, but was also dreading it)...and as I just said, I had fun when I got there. The first couple of hours were mostly a large-group discussion about metadata and discoverability; I knew a lot of it, but other tips were great and it was a good reminder that I need to spend some time on this aspect since I've neglected it for too long.

At lunch, I committed stomach seppuku (it will become more traditional intestinal seppuku in a few hours) and had dim sum with Courtney, Sherry, Carolyn, Tonda, and some others. Dim sum with Courtney and Sherry is becoming something of a deliciously inconvenient tradition, since I adore dim sum but shouldn't really have it since it's full to bursting with gluten. But this dim sum was great, and I still kind of think it was worth it even though I now have a raging headache and a vague stomach stabbing pain. The group was really fun, though, and it was good to get away from the larger conference, so that was great.

After that, we went back to the conference hotel and I talked to some of them for awhile longer before spending some quality time catching up with Grace in the lobby. Then I sort of tagged along with her, Tina, and Bella to Tina's house, since Tina was hosting a big cocktail party for the conference attendees and needed help setting up. So we set up, had some entertaining conversations, and Grace and I spent some more quality time together before everyone else showed up. The party was supposed to be from seven to ten, but I stayed until almost 11:30, and it was a total blast. I had a particularly good time hanging out with Grace and Sherry and discussing werewhales and Indian massages and a variety of other inappropriate and highly hilarious topics.

But now I'm desperate for sleep and eager to spend tomorrow writing + fixing things + watching Olympics - goodnight!

i call her karma

Today was great, but I didn't do everything I had planned to do during the day. I have no regrets, though. I didn't sleep as much as I should have, since construction noise woke me up early, but I got some rest before dragging myself out of bed and into some clothes so that I could get a manicure. My nails now look fair and lovely, but it took longer than I thought it would, so it was almost 11:30 before I got home. Then I took a bit of a nap, took a shower, ate a snack, and was going to walk to the unconference thing for some selfpub writers that I was going to attend today (I should have mentioned before that I took today off from the day job). But I'm stressed about how far behind I am on Thorington's book, and my room was a mess, and nothing felt particularly orderly, and the idea of walking over to Fisherman's Wharf in the rain to meet with a gathering of writers that didn't include most of the people I wanted to see (the main stuff is tomorrow) filled me with just enough dread that I changed my plans.

So instead, I stayed home and did an awesome job of cleaning up my room and continuing to purge. I need to do a final purge of my closet and clean out my file cabinet, but overall I'm feeling much better and much more centered. I think being a hermit was totally worth it. But I abandoned my hermitage around four p.m. and met up with Kathia for a writing date; we talked for a bit, then wrote for an hour or so, and then had a cocktail at Izzy's. Her husband joined us, and I left them when I finished my drink (although they had almost finished their dinner by the time I left and my intention had been to let them eat without me, so I hadn't ordered a prime rib even though it would have been tasty). But I came home to Terry, who had picked up takeout from Roam for us, and so I got to eat some tasty meat/fries and watch the opening ceremonies.

My feelings about the ceremonies can't be condensed here, but I will try to do so by saying that the past that Russia displayed in their artistic retelling of Russian history was a bit...different than the past I learned about when I got my minor in history (which was basically a minor in Russian history and totalitarianism in general). So I am either the best person or the worst person to watch a Russian Olympics with. But I'm super psyched for the games, and even though I have writer stuff to do all day tomorrow (and a book to write all day Sunday, and really all this month), I'm going to spend some quality time with the tv over the next couple of weeks.

But now I'm exhausted and must sleep so that I can get eight hours and hopefully keep pushing my cold into its grave - goodnight!

although i am broken my heart is untamed still

I have, again, chosen to stay up way too late. BUT IT'S THE OLYMPICS, BITCHES!!! I understand why, due to scheduling, they had to put events on the day before the opening ceremonies, but there is a small part of me that wasn't ready and considers this to be sacrilege. How can some athletes' Olympics experiences be over before the cauldron is lit? Although since it's Sochi, the cauldron may just be a 55-gallon oil drum full of old newspapers, so I guess it's not an issue...

Yes, get ready for lots of vaguely offensive Russian jokes for the next two weeks. You've been warned.

I'm definitely feeling better today than I was earlier this week, but I'm still not 100%. I went to the gym and trained with Alyssa, which may have been a mistake; while it was good to loosen up a bit, I was sweating profusely over v. minor exercises, so I think my body wasn't quite ready for primetime. But I showered, managed to put myself together, and went to the office, where I got enough stuff done to almost feel okay with the fact that today was the only day I went in this week. I'm taking tomorrow off, so I wanted to be productive today, and I guess I mostly succeeded. Then I met Terry for dinner in the south bay so we could sit out traffic, and then we came home and watched the first night of coverage (skating was hilarious; I don't really like slopestyle; Bob Costas should have avoided getting Russian tap water in his eye). I also did a bit more work so that I can put my work laptop away for the weekend sans guilt.

But now I must sleep so that I can get up an accomplish personal stuff tomorrow (namely a 9:30am manicure that I scheduled in my illness haze - why was I dumb enough to do that?) - goodnight!

all your life is such a shame

I should have gone to bed an hour ago - this taking it easy whilst sick thing is not working out so well for me. I also probably should have canceled Alyssa tomorrow, but I'm sick of being cooped up in my apartment (which is saying something since I'm a #hermitforlife). So I stayed home today with the idea that I would get some rest, but instead I had meetings almost straight from nine to five. My midday break was spent cooking chicken so I would have something to eat, then taking a nap so I wouldn't die.

But by six I was desperate to start writing Thorington again, since I'm starting to freak out about how I'm going to finish him by my self-imposed deadline. So I went to my favorite place, where they were all happy to see me, and I wrote a couple of pages (not blazing progress, but better than nothing, particularly since I was feeling v. congested). Then I came home, talked to Terry, looked at recipes for awful Russian foodstuffs, and then spent the last hour writing a blog post about Napoleon in Egypt for a historical blog that I needed to have a guest post for tomorrow.

And now that that's done, I desperately need to go to bed immediately - goodnight!

where do you go, my lovely

I'm still sick, and I should have gone to bed hours ago, but work and other distractions kept me awake until now. I stayed home today, as I had suspected I would, and my boss pretty much told me to stay home again tomorrow after we talked over a videoconference this afternoon, so I will likely take him at his word. I'm telling myself that this is setting a good example for all the people at work who force themselves to come in when they're sick, which is true; I'm also telling myself that I'm better off being able to nap at lunchtime as I did yesterday and today, which is also true.

But my illness is progressing in better and worse ways; I'm slightly less congested, but my throat hurts slightly more, and my black lung cough has arrived. So we're on schedule for bronchitis, unless I manage to sleep it off. That, unfortunately, won't happen unless I go to bed now (or, better, two hours ago, which is impossible). But there are so many things I want to do (write! play with my new scanner!), so many things I need to do (taxes! financial planning! build five presentations for work! answer a million emails! write my marketing plan for Thorington!), and so many things I procrastinate with instead (SOCHI IS A DISASTER OMG HAVE YOU READ THIS?). And my easily-distracted hyped-up-on-dayquil monkey mind keeps thinking of things I should be doing, which is not helpful since I really don't have the energy to do most of them.

So I suppose that means I should force myself to go to bed despite all the shiny distractions - goodnight!

illin like a villain

I'm quite miserably ill, which is an unfortunate and inconvenient way to start the week. I sincerely hope that it doesn't become my usual bronchitis, which I've miraculously evaded since last June if my blog is to be believed. I had expected to get it after Frankfurt/Paris, but I didn't, and so I suppose I'm overdue. But the cough appeared tonight on schedule, after a day of breathless misery, so I do not have high hopes.

Yes, I'm being overly dramatic. Yes, I know everyone hates being sick and I'm not a special princess who somehow gets a pass on being a whiny little bitch. Still, I'm feeling rather whiny, particularly when I think of all the million myriad things I need to get done. Which is, I know, counterproductive, since thinking of a million myriad things led to last month's epic meltdown and totally lack of productivity. I would suck it up, but since I can't breathe, sucking it up is rather painful right now.

But now I shall go to bed and hopefully sleep for eight or nine hours, and I am 95% sure I'll work from home tomorrow too since I really doubt that I'll be in any shape to go into the office. I worked from home today as well, which meant I could take a nap at lunchtime, which may be the only thing that saved me. That and the leftover Thai food I had for lunch, and the mint chip milkshake I had for supper (supper of champions - Alyssa would be so proud). But hopefully tomorrow I'll feel better enough that I won't be so obnoxious on zee blog - goodnight!

and she's watching him with those eyes

I'm miserably sick, as it turns out - which I suppose explains my general malaise yesterday, even thought I would have rather gotten back into the game today instead of waking up feeling like my head was going to pop off my body in a glorious explosion of blood and mucus. Okay, maybe 'glorious' isn't the right word. But I'm not feeling well at all, and it got worse instead of better throughout the day, which does not bode at all well for this week.

But I watched all of the bloodbath that was the Super Bowl, which involved making as many snarky comments as my voice (and Terry's tolerance) would allow. Terry and I were supposed to go out for dinner tonight, but in deference to the fact I can't breathe, we ordered Thai instead. And now I must go to sleep as I had meant to do three hours ago; it's pretty clear that I'm not going to go to work tomorrow, but I should get up in time for my morning meetings anyway so that I can attend them and then screw the rest of the day. Goodnight!

i messed around and got addicted

Any attempt to recount today will inevitably bore you. I'm still really tired from my travels (or from life), so I spent the morning lazing about in bed, then grabbed some brunch, then slogged for a couple of hours, then got my brows waxed and made a much-needed grocery run. When I came home, Terry was here, and so we had the first conversation we've had in nearly two weeks while watching some 'How I Met Your Mother'. Then I sorted through mail and tax stuff, made supper (steak and a potato), and generally lived as exciting a life as it is possible to have when one is thirty-two and a hermit. And now I'm going to go to bed and hope that ten or twelve hours of sleep can finally help me kick my fatigue - goodnight!

the rubble or our sins

I'm super sleepy and intended to go to bed close to two hours ago, but folding clothes and messing around on the internet stymied me. I'm sad that I'm so tired; I was equally tired last night and slept for nine hours, so I thought I'd be in better shape tonight, but even with a nap at five p.m. I'm still a mess.

However, today was fine; I went to the office, slogged, went to the gym and trained with Alyssa, slogged some more, and came home around five. I took my aforementioned nap, then walked to Pac Heights and had dinner at the bar at Tortilla Heights. Brainstorming Thorington was going swimmingly, and I had a pretty good breakthrough, but the bar was suddenly and unexpectedly swarmed by people doing shots, so I vacated and walked home. And perhaps that's why I'm sleepy - tacos + margaritas + a three-mile round trip walk over a steep hill was probably not the most energizing combination.

But now I must sleep so that I can be more interesting and more productive tomorrow - goodnight!

i need to know now, can you love me again

I've been falling asleep on my feet for the last six hours, which was problematic since I had to work, drive home, and try to stay up to avoid succumbing to jetlag. Today was rather long, as it turned out; I got up ridiculously early so that I could leave the house by 6:50, since I wanted to allow myself two hours to get to work for my nine a.m. meeting. But traffic was better than expected, so it only took me an hour and twenty minutes (still a nightmare, but it seems so pleasant in comparison to the greater horrors I've come to expect). So I ate breakfast, went to my meeting, went to my building, sat at my desk for a few blessed minutes, and then spent almost the entirety of the rest of the day in meetings. This is my life, so it's not a surprise, but it's unfortunate since I have a lot of work I should be doing instead of sitting in conference rooms talking about tings.

But I made it home in one piece by around 7:30. Then I seriously considering eating some frozen enchiladas and going to bed, but I rallied and went to Des Amis, where some wine and steak helped fuel some v. important brainstorming for Thorington's book. I read most of a book about the naval battles of the War of 1812 when I was on the plane yesterday (as one does), and it triggered an idea for a privateering subplot that I'm eager to explore. So I brainstormed over several pages of handwritten notes while eating, drinking, and occasionally talking to the staff, most of whom know me and are quite friendly at this point.

But now I'm really desperate for sleep, no matter how much my heart would rather read more about naval history. Yes, I am strange, but you already knew this. Goodnight!

baby i'm a little confused

I need to go to bed right now, stat, if I'm going to hope to get even seven hours of sleep tonight...my flight from JFK was over an hour late leaving due to weather in SFO, which did nothing to endear me to this erstwhile city I love to hate. But I made it to San Francisco safely, walked into my apartment shortly after ten, and spent the last forty-five minutes prepping for tomorrow and acclimating myself to my own room.

But now I must sleep, since it's raining here, which means traffic tomorrow will be a nightmare, and I can't be late for my nine a.m., so I think I'll leave at 6:30. Yes, my life is dumb. Goodnight!

you catholic girls start much too late

New York has been pretty much awesome... so awesome that I would be v tempted to move here if it didn't contradict all my life goals. But since I seem to make decisions based solely on how ridiculous they are, maybe a life in NYC is in the cards for me.

Today was particularly good, despite being frigid. I got to the office early and had breakfast while working on slides. Then I had this all day meeting thing, which was tres interessant. Sadly I had to work on slides during some of it, but that was fine. The thing ended at five, but we had drinks in the office until seven, then a drink in the hotel bar, then dinner at Spice Market. It was incredibly delish, although I'm pretty sure I had a bit of gluten... but I'll take the headache tomorrow without complaints.

And now I must sleep so I can get up, check out, and work for a few hours before going to the airport. Goodnight!

they say a handful still survive

Internet isn't working in my hotel, which means I have to get up at an ungodly hour and go to the office to work, so you'll just have to trust me when I say that I had an awesome day at the office, followed by a frigid walk, followed by an amazing tapas dinner with Vivi (aka Sarah), followed by an even more frigid walk, and now to be followed by bed. Goodnight!

all your friends were so knocked out

Today was utterly lovely, and I shan't let myself freak out over the fact that I should have worked for fifteen hours on either the day job or the writing job. Instead, I took the day off (which, I must remind myself, is part of the plan, since I'm trying not to work one day a week) and hung out with Claudia, which was totally perfect. She let me sleep until ten, since she didn't get into the city until almost one, which gave me time to sleep and pack and shower and get ready without stress. I checked out of my room (I had to pay for the last two nights, so I stayed somewhere cheaper than the posh and ridiculous hotel I'm in for the next three nights) and met Claude at Grand Central, where we convened briefly to decide where to go before getting in a cab and heading for Chelsea. I had done some Yelp research and it didn't let us down - we ended up at Cookshop, where the wait was ~30mins (which we accomplished in a lean-to like structure that surrounded the front door, but lean-to makes it sound like Little House on the Prairie, and unless Pa was into hollandaise sauce and exotic bloody marys, this wasn't his kind of deal. Although if the graffiti on the Little House in the Big Woods was accurate, there may have been some bloody marys in his life...but I will send that memory back to the pit where it usually lurks to haunt me).

sssanyway. Cookshop was v. v. delicious, albeit somewhat overpriced. We each had the poached eggs with spinach, and we split sides of potatoes, grits, and bacon, so I was splendidly full after. We also had bloody marys, which I regret; I didn't think I was a fan of them, but I tried again, and I made the mistake of ordering one with mescal, so the smoky tequila-ish vibe was a little overwhelming on a then-empty stomach. But it was entertaining, as all my favorite drinks are.

So Claudia and I caught up for a couple of hours there. Then we walked outside, quickly froze, and so ducked into Chelsea Market to window shop at all the eateries that we were too stuffed to enjoy. But we bought some fancy Belgian chocolates for later and explored a bookstore that I may need to go back to, so that was nice. Then we wandered a few more blocks and stopped for caffeine and cocktails at a fun/weird mix between a bar/industrial space/downhome ice cream parlor/indeterminate theme. Whatever. The coffee was good and my cocktail didn't have mescal in it, so that was a plus.

Sometime around 5:30 we decided we should mosey, so we walked outside again. The cocktails may have cured our fear of frostbite, so we walked the thirty minutes or so that it took to get from the west side to the east side of Manhattan. We arrived at Mermaid Inn, which is my favorite place in New York, mostly because I have v. fond memories of Claudia, Ritu, and all the delicious oysters that have been slaughtered to satisfy our wicked appetites. We got there in time for happy hour, so we had a couple of glasses of wine and split twenty-four oysters (of both the east and west coast varieties), a couple of awesome crispy fish tacos and some french fries. I also looked the other way while Claude at some kale. They brought us little chocolate pots du creme for dessert, which was a perfect (albeit too filling) topper.

It was fantastic to see Claudia, and I have high hopes that she'll graduate someday (preferably this spring, since that's what she's aiming for) and will not be in New Haven anymore so that I can visit her someplace more exciting. But NYC will suffice as long as she's around here - in fact, I was joking with her today that I am probably destined to move here, since I'm feeling that passionate hate/love that I tend to feel whenever I'm on the brink of converting from 'I will never do that' to 'omg I must do that'. I last felt this way when I decided to start wearing leggings as pants, and I think it's time for a new passion.

But that's all neither here nor there. I dropped Claudia off at Grand Central so she could go back to her prison, then picked up my bags and checked into my new hotel, which is totally ridic. And now I must sleep since I need to get up early tomorrow and do a bunch of work before California wakes up - goodnight!

i watched the mighty skyline fall

I had intended to be in bed hours ago, but I actually went out tonight (shocker), so my plan to get adjusted to east coast time is not destined for success. But today was great, albeit frigid. I slept until 9ish, took my time getting ready, and then decided to walk from my hotel to the place where I was supposed to meet Parisa for brunch. This was good for my plan to walk a lot while in NYC, but bad for my body temperature, since the walk was at least two and a half miles and I was freezing the entire time. But it was a good excuse to stop in at Nordstrom Rack and get an awesome cashmere scarf for 60% off, so I'll take it.

Brunch was worth it, though; Parisa and I went to Northern Spy, which I'd been to with Ritu once before, and the food was delish. I had a chicken sandwich (sans the bread) with green salsa and a poached egg on top, along with some tasty homefries and a grapefruit ginger mimosa. And Parisa was in fine form; she had just gotten back from the same trip that Kathia was on for the past couple of weeks, so she was v. tan and generally entertaining. After brunch, we worked together for awhile at a cafe down the street, where I kept trying to make progress on Thorington, but it was slow going.

So I came back to the hotel, sat around when I should have been napping, and talked to my parents in lieu of our usual conversation tomorrow. I learned more than I want to know about scours, if that tells you anything (which it probably doesn't, if you're not familiar with the digestive systems of cattle). Then I rallied and went to a French bistro for dinner, where I felt like I was cheating on Des Amis with a lowrent but convenient whore. I mean, it wasn't exactly cheap, but it wasn't Des Amis either. Still, the atmosphere was nice (although they did play "I'm Too Sexy" at some point, which I found odd), and I had escargots and a steak, and I had two glasses of wine, and I wrote about five pages of Thorington. So that was all v. lovely and totally perfect.

I really just wanted to go to bed at that point, since it was nine p.m. But I had told my friend Vivi (aka Sarah) that I was in town, since she recently moved here from Alaska, and she had invited me to a houseparty she and her roommates were having in Harlem. And I felt like I should go since I really wanted to see her, even though I had less than zero desire to go that far from my hotel. But I rallied again, took the subway up to her place (which was really pretty convenient, even though it took more time than I wanted to devote to this task), and spent an hour at her party. And by 'party' I mean that we sat in her room and talked while the party continued in the rest of the house. But around midnight I let her go back to her other guests, and I made it back to my hotel without losing an appendage to frostbite or my purse to a mugger, so it was all great.

And now I must sleep if I'm to have more fun tomorrow - goodnight!

but it's sad and it's sweet and i knew it complete when i wore a younger man's clothes

It's not quite ten p.m. at home, but it's almost one a.m. in my current undisclosed location (okay, you twisted my arm - it's New York), so I'm going to try to go to bed so that I can start adjusting to east coast time. I had to come to NYC for a work trip next week, and I decided to come a couple of days early so that I wouldn't waste a weekend day on a plane. I think this was a good decision; I did some day job stuff on the plane, but I also worked on Thorington, and I had a critical breakthrough that may help me to get over my current block. The morning was a little stressful, since I didn't get out of bed until eight, I hadn't packed or folded laundry or done any of the other million things on my to-do list, and I needed to leave home by 10:30. But I managed to make it, and I don't think I forgot anything serious, so it was all good.

I got into Newark around nine p.m. EST, and then I took a town car (thanks, employer) to my hotel in Manhattan. Once here, I realized I was hungry and also realized I would freeze to death if I went outside, so I had a slightly overpriced hamburger at the hotel restaurant and worked on Thorington for another hour or two. And now, I'm going to sleep - the weekend promises to be a lot of fun, since I have grand plans to write a million words and hang out with Claudia (aka Santy Claude - don't tell her I said that), so I want to get some sleep in preparation for the shenanigans. Goodnight!

i love her eyes and her wild wild hair

Sorry I've been a little incommunicado the past couple of days - I swear my body is trying to succumb to swine flu, so I'm tumbling into bed as soon as I have the opportunity every night in order to stave it off. Also, I'm working like twelve hours a day to get ready for my trip. And by that I mean I worked a lot on Tuesday and Wednesday, in contrast to not working at all this weekend and working about seven hours today, so really, this is not that much of a hardship.

But yesterday and today were mostly good. Last night I got home so brain dead from working so long that I couldn't bear the thought of opening my laptop, so I ordered thai and watched the Kennedy Center Honors that I had tivo'd a few weeks ago. I always love watching artists being recognized for their achievements, and the Kennedy Center Honors do a particularly fine job of it. This year's show was fun, since they recognized Carlos Santana and Billy Joel, and they also brought in Snoop Dogg to perform in honor of Herbie Hancock, which was tres interessant. Billy Joel's segment was even better than I had anticipated, and I finished the show feeling as many feelings as I was capable of feeling (which was more than I had thought I was capable of, so I suppose that's good).

But I had to get up early this morning to train with Alyssa, which was brutal since I woke up at 5:45 yesterday morning to go to the office early to avoid traffic (successful, but also horrible since I hate getting out of bed). Alyssa was good, though, even if she continues to push her nefarious kettlebell swing agenda. Then I went to work, slogged a lot, peaced out at four, came home, and then had a v. extended wine/dinner date with Kathia, who is back from her trip just as I'm about to leave. So we caught up on life and career and all that stuff over steak and wine, which was great for my soul even if it was probably bad for my immune system.

And now I desperately need to sleep - goodnight!

oye como va

No time to blog - if I don't go to sleep now, I won't get eight hours, and eight hours is crucial since I'm worried I'm getting sick. I know. This is the best blog post ever. You're welcome. Goodnight!

while I can't eat I bet you sleep with someone's heat against your bones

tonight I'm trying to write my blog with voicerecognition software. It's pretty slow going because it seems so awkward. But if this can get me off of my tablet and into bed sooner, it's for the best.

fuck it, this is too awkward. There's a reason I don't write my books with voice recognition, and it's because I feel all stilted and like I should be talking in a British accent like some strange, sinister narrator. Sssanyway, today was long, productive, infuriating, and probably worthwhile. I worked from home, then trained with Alyssa, then slogged mostly nonstop from noon to eight p.m. I did take a break at five to eat a v early supper, and I made some tea in the afternoon when I was too frustrated to do anything else. But other than that, I worked excessively. Which is probably good, since my work to do list is way out of control and I only have two more days in the office this week.

But now I must sleep immediately so I can do it all again tomorrow - goodnight!

foghorn leghorn

I did nothing today, for serious. I slept until after nine, laid in bed until after ten, got up, reheated leftover tacos for lunch, talked to my mom on the phone, and lazed around. Then I got a mani/pedi, which was v. welcome if not exactly necessary. Then I came home and talked to my dad. Around six I decided that I would go to write at my favorite French place, but the words weren't coming. I wrote in my journal for quite awhile, which was good, but Thorington continues to elude me. Then I came home and watched and episode of Craig while theoretically answering (but mostly ignoring) email.

But I think I'm done with break time; I have a lot of work to do tomorrow for the day job, and I may be just restless enough to actually do it. So I'm going to go to bed early and hope for the best - goodnight!

and we're gonna let it burn

It's only a little after ten, but I'm too tired to blog, so you don't get the full rundown of my uneventful day. I will share that I made steak and eggs for breakfast, then showered, then held true to last week's resolution to take one day off a week by not doing any work at all. Shocking, I know. Instead, Terry and I went over to Chestnut and watched both of the division championship games with a couple of friends. I was pleased that the broncos won despite having a quarterback who is quite literally risking his neck for them. I was sad that the niners lost, since that was the whole reason we went out. But we watched the second half of the niners game from Tortilla Heights, so at last the margaritas and tacos offered some small bit of solace.

But now I must sleep, since I have grand plans to work on Thorington tomorrow- goodnight!

and it starts sometime around midnight

Hello, friends. Today involved entirely too much time staring at my laptop, but I suppose that was destined to happen as soon as I pulled myself out of my funk and remembered that I have a shit-ton (yes, that's the official measurement) of stuff to do. I slept in, though, so that was nice, and I showered and made steak and eggs and generally lazed about until noonish.

But then it was time for the productivity to start. And I'm pretty happy with the outcome; I got through one of my many email inboxes, did a bunch of small tasks, and spent a couple of critical hours playing around with color swatches and cover descriptions to send to my graphic designer so that she can make the covers for my next three books. I already have the photos for all three, but I needed to come up with potential color schemes and describe the main characters, which was a little tough since I don't even know the names of 5/6 of them, let alone what they've been up to and how they live. But I finished it and sent it over, so hopefully I'll have covers in the next month or two.

Around five, though, I was desperate for a break, so Terry and I took a walk down the street and ended up having a drink at Des Amis. The drink turned into two drinks and a pseudo-supper, since we split an order of fries and then a substantial grilled chicken salad. The fact that I was sitting at the bar, drinking a cocktail, and eating chicken blew one of the waiter's minds, but I think they'll allow me to come back.

We came back around seven, though, and I guess I spent the last four hours working on various tings. I still have a million emails to answer and a lot of tings on my to-do list, but I'm going to take most of tomorrow off to watch football (yes, shocking, I know) and try to pretend that I have a life before returning to the grind. Goodnight!

maybe i pulled the panic cord

I have nothing of interest to share with you tonight, as per usual. I worked from home today, which meant that I was able to sleep straight from eleven p.m. to eight a.m. Sadly, this wasn't quite enough to feel totally on top of my game; I keep thinking I'm about to get sick, and I keep managing to fight it off, but I'm not sure how much longer that's going to last.

But I slogged until 4:30, which was respectable enough, and while I didn't get everything done that I probably should have, it was good enough for the time being. Then I went downtown to get my bangs trimmed; they're shorter than I would have preferred because my usual lady is out with the swine flu and they gave me someone else who's unfamiliar with my hair, but I suppose I'll survive. Then I bought groceries, came home, arranged the flowers that I bought for my desk, put a potato in the oven, and sat around until it was time to finish cooking supper. Terry showed up at some point, so we opened a bottle of wine, and then I cooked half a ribeye to go with the potato. I'm getting pretty good at cooking steak in a skillet, despite it being a non-ideal way to cook steak. And tonight I deglazed the pan with red wine and added some butter to it, which made for a delish sauce to return some of the juices to the steak. Yummy in my tummy.

Then I spent the rest of the evening being lazy; tomorrow is all about Thorington, but I wasn't in the mood to force it tonight. But that means I should probably sleep if I'm going to get anything done in the morning - goodnight!

i miss him like a hole in the head

Today was way too frustrating, but I think I managed to talk myself off the ledge. The commute didn't help; I left home at 6:45am intending to make it to the office for an 8am meeting, but the drive ended up taking an hour and forty minutes, so I missed the 8am meeting entirely. Damn. Then I worked, trained with Alyssa, went back to the office, and had meetings straight from 12 to 4:30pm (luckily they were all good). Then I met up with a coworker for a glass of wine and the intention of catching up for an hour before going to a cafe to write, but we ended up talking until almost eight p.m. Oops.

But that meant that there was no traffic on the way home, so I made it back in forty-five minutes. Then, I feasted on peanut butter, talked to Terry, played with my tablet (no, that's not a euphemism for something), and now I must sleep. I have a lot to do tomorrow for the day job, but as soon as I'm done with the day, I intend to spend the next three days avoiding the laptop as much as possible and making some good progress on Thorington's book. In other words, I intend to be a hermit. Get excited for all the boring content I'll provide you this weekend! Goodnight!

she's morphine, queen of my vaccine

I was v. busy today, and yet I didn't feel like I accomplished much (as per usual). I slept in rather than getting up to write, although I did force myself to write about two paragraphs, which is two more than I would have had, so I guess that's something. Then I drove to the office, which was brutally slow, but I made it with enough time to grab a drink and refresh myself before meeting with my boss's boss (I can't call her the big boss, since that name is forever reserved for my favorite big boss - so boss's boss will have to survive). That meeting turned out to be delightful, since we get along quite well (she reminds me of the big boss, actually), so I spent the rest of the day feeling better about life in general and the battles ahead in particular.

After that, I had a meeting with my own boss, then ate lunch at my desk during my only blessed forty-five minutes of quiet, and then I had meetings straight from 12:30 to 3:30. It would have been straight until five, but the last 90mins of meetings got canceled, which was like manna from heaven. So I pinged Chandlord and offered her a ride home, which she accepted, and so I caught up with her while stuck in the wasteland that is 101N during rush hour.

I dropped Chandlord off like a hot potato (and she is hot! and eats potatoes!), came home, and promptly left again, knowing I would get nothing done if I stayed home. I stopped first at my favorite store on Union Street to look for a dress to wear to my Olympics party; I was looking for something Oksana Baiul-ish, but apparently Ukrainian swan costumes aren't currently in fashion, so I'm going to have to improvise something else. Then I went to Des Amis (por supuesto) and had steak while forcing myself to write three pages of Thorington's book. It's really, really slow going, but I just have to keep reminding myself that the beginning is always slow and a book will show up eventually.

And now I must sleep, since tomorrow is going to be brutal - goodnight!

hold her down with soggy clothes and breezeblocks

I meant to go to bed twenty minutes ago, so this must needs be brief. Today was more of the same, although I have begun to reconcile myself with some of the stress I was feeling last week, and so I was mostly productive and mostly not angry today. I got up early and made it into the office by eight(ish), which was a minor miracle, and I worked and had meetings until it was time to go to Palo Alto to train with Alyssa. Training was made interesting by my half-busted foot, but it was still mostly worthwhile. Then I showered and dashed back to the office, where I slogged until almost six. My boss was back today for the first time in ages after some rather tragic personal issues, so we had an hour together to start to catch up on what he missed and what I'm working on and all that.

So I worked on stuff after that, but I left at six to have a friendship renewal dinner at Shana Thai with Joann, Tolu and Jane. They were all in good form, the food was tasty, and I avoided all traffic by not leaving there until eight, so that was all perfect. But when I got home I needed to send a couple of work emails, which took longer than intended, and now I'm going to be hard pressed to get eight hours of sleep and also get up early to write before work. Wish me luck with that - Thorington won't be denied much longer. Goodnight!

karma police, i've given all i can

It's way too late (okay, it's only ten) and I have to be up way too early, so this is not going to be particularly titillating tonight. I worked from home today, with a break to grab lunch down the street, and it was by turns productive and v. frustrating. Then I stopped working at five and tried to write, which turned into two paragraphs of text and a half-nap while lying on the couch with a heating pad on my half-busted ankle. Then Terry came home and we had dinner at Delarosa, where I ate a lot of tasty meatballs and some delish burrata. And now, I must go to bed since I have grand plans to go into the office tomorrow (I know, I'm a model employee) - goodnight!

you gave me magical, i gave you wonderful

I meant to be in bed two hours ago, which means that the likelihood that I'll go into the office early is vanishingly small. But I continued my 'vacation' by doing some mindless internet tasks (pricing and book metadata updates) while watching the Golden Globes, which was lovely...until I remembered at 9:30pm that I needed to write a guest post for a historical blog for tomorrow morning. Ugh. So I spent the last two hours whipping up a post about the East India Company's tea trade, since that was a subject I knew quite a bit about and didn't have to do any fresh research for (although finding notes and photos when not everything has been transferred to my new laptop made that a bit more challenging than it should have been).

But today was a good day nonetheless; I slept until 8:30ish, laid in bed for another hourish, ate the breakfast the hotel had brought me (hard boiled eggs, yogurt, and fruit - the best!), showered, packed, etc., and left Carmel just before noon. I twisted my ankle in a not so pleasant way on the way to the car and it kind of hurt for the whole drive back, but I can walk on it okay enough, so I suppose I'll have to man up and not get it amputated. I stopped in Palo Alto for lunch at Joanie's (my fave), where several of the servers stopped by to ask how I was doing since I haven't been in nearly as much in the last few months - I told them that I live in San Francisco now, but refrained from telling them that Des Amis has become the new, more spendy version of them in my weekly routine. Then I drove home, then talked to the family for a v. long period of time (and got a pep talk from my dad that wasn't a pep talk so much as it was a reminder that I'm pretty much fucked, since I'm too ambitious to ever really relax - but he did give me a definition of stress that is entirely appropriate for the road ahead, so that was good).

And then I spent the rest of the night trying to be mindful while also trying to be mindless, and I guess it kind of worked. But now I desperately need to sleep - goodnight!

i came in like a wrecking ball

I probably should have gone to bed ages ago, but I continued my little mini vacation and read a book instead. And for once I actually enjoyed it, even if the end was v frustrating. My day was lovely, though; I had breakfast, dallied, showered, walked to the ocean, had lunch, bought a fountain pen from an amazing German, got a massage, dallied some more, had a ribeye for dinner, and then read until now. Doesn't that sounds perfect for an octogenarian like me? And now I must sleep so I can go back to sf at a reasonable hour tomorrow - goodnight!

she's a little runaway

I am, quite unexpectedly, in an undisclosed location (aka Carmel) for a weekend of writing/solitude. This is entirely due to Terry's good graces, since she astutely perceived my incipient meltdown and made a reservation for me to go to my favorite Carmel bed and breakfast so that I could unwind before all hell broke loose. Clever girl (mostly kind, but clever as well).

So I went to work today and slogged rather brutally for sevenish hours before realizing I needed to leave immediately or I would never escape Friday traffic. But I got to Carmel around five and checked in (to the same place I stayed when I was here last year, which I loved). And Randall was kind enough to upgrade my room (this is one of the deadest weeks of the year in Carmel) and tell me where to eat and what to avoid while plying me with complimentary wine, so obviously I got things off to a good start. Then I sat around, played with my tablet, and napped before venturing out for dinner. The food was awesome (pork osso bucco with mashed potatoes, then creme brulee), and the wine pours were generous, so it was perfect for sitting and noodling in my journal for a couple of hours.

But now I'm going to go to bed - I have grand plans to sleep nine hours and then do whatever my heart desires tomorrow, so wish me luck with that. Goodnight!

but we carry on

Today was a better day than yesterday, but that's probably because I worked nonstop and didn't dwell on anything I've been dwelling on. I also trained with Alyssa, took a break to have lunch with some coworkers, got my oil changed, and finished up a massively manual data entry project so that I can analyze some stuff. None of this is interesting to you, nor is it particularly interesting to me. But I can't give you any more words to fluff this up, since I'm already going to bed later than intended - goodnight!

you only know you love her when you let her go

Today was better than yesterday, if only because I gave into my instincts over my sense of duty and chose to work from home. I had no good reason to work from home, other than that I didn't feel like going into the office - but I also didn't feel like going into the office because I get very little done there, and since I only had an hour of meetings today, it was like a glorious opportunity to actually get some shit done if I could stay free of distractions. So I did the things that I needed to get done today, plus some other things, and I didn't have to stress about dogs or the commute or any other office-related stuff.

And that was all enough to kind of, half-heartedly, get myself back in the game. Or at least it was enough to stop freaking out long enough to send some emails. I put my laptop aside at five and walked to the grocery store to get some milk, and then walked to a florist to buy some flowers for my desk. Then I came home, arranged said flowers, and chilled on the couch until Lauren (aka Subz) came over for dinner. Neither Terry nor I felt like cooking, so we ordered Thai food and opened a bottle of wine, and it was all perfectly lovely.

However, ironically enough, we had previously agreed to have this dinner to discuss new year's resolutions, and the very last thing I wanted to think about tonight was goals and commitments and making decisions about what I'm going to accomplish. As it turns out, I think that the crux of my recent freak-out is that I'm thrilled with what I did last year...and yet I'm totally daunted and discouraged by the idea of girding my loins and doing it all again (and with even more intensity, since I want to write three books instead of 1.5, and take on more responsibility at work, and spend more time working out, and maybe go on dates a bit more often, and and and...). So the very idea of setting goals is making my head explode.

But the conversation was still great, and Subz and Terry obviously have some rather keen insights into my psyche at this point, so it was useful even if there are currently no quick answers. And now I must sleep if I'm going to make it to my session with Alyssa tomorrow - goodnight!

all my tears have been used up on another love

When it comes to the reentry to real life (the city, the job, the writing, etc), my heart is not having it. I never use italics on the blog, so the fact that I've used them twice in the past two days should be taken with the utmost gravity and seriousness. I'm usually snapped back in to my routine by now, but today was a rather brutal reminder that I'm neither snapped in nor particularly enthusiastic about forcing myself to snap in. My Puritan ancestors would be v. disappointed in me, I'm sure. But then, they were disappointed in me long ago, when I started wearing fuchsia and decided not to have a baby at seventeen. Oops.

Sooo...I don't know what else to say. I worked from home this morning, which was fine, and then I went to Palo Alto to train with Alyssa. Her sympathetic ear was the start of my meltdown, actually; I had done a good job the past few days of spackling over my discontent, but our conversation (and a lot of kettlebell swings) washed all of that away and dumped me back at square one. It would all be so much easier if I weren't an overachieving perfectionist who felt the need to write a million books while also having a kickass career while also having deep and meaningful relationships while also eating healthily while also trying to sleep eight hours a night. But if I weren't so driven, I wouldn't be where I am, and I've been more satisfied this past year than I've ever been, despite my occasional bellyaching (that's a Regency romance word for 'complaining', sorry).

So, conundrum. I left training feeling like I'd hit myself over the head (hard to do with a kettlebell), so I took an inordinate amount of time showering and getting ready to go to the office. Once there, I did some work, but not a million things, and I left at five so that I could get home at a somewhat reasonable hour. I'm under strict orders from Alyssa to chill the fuck out (my words, not hers), but I don't know how to do that. So I went to Des Amis, where I feel safe and loved, and I wrote in my journal and read a book and drank wine for something close to three hours. Maybe it helped...and maybe it didn't. But it wasn't work, so I suppose it's a victory.

And now, I'm going to go to sleep and pray that all of this passes and that I wake up in the morning either a) able to see a way that I could take several days off off from everything or b) recovered from this nightmare in which I'm even contemplating taking time off or c) have forgotten that any of this ever happened. It will all come out all right in the end, of course, and I really am mostly happy with what I've accomplished...but then I get into accomplishment again, when I think I would be better off talking about happiness. Stupid Puritan DNA. I must sleep and dream of this (and hopefully I do dream of this, since last night I was dreaming of blood and broken glass) - goodnight!