i wanna get better

I'm still blocked on Rafe and Octavia, to some extent, but that's becoming an incredibly depressing topic of conversation. And by 'incredibly depressing' I mean that I'm starting to get angry at myself for not being better at compartmentalizing my personal life so that I can write more effectively.

You may point out that getting angry about this isn't helpful; you'd be correct. However, on some level I simply haven't dealt with all the inherent/residual stress involved from having blown up my whole life over the past three months and switched apartments / quit jobs / said goodbye to coworkers whom I'd thought I would stay in touch with more regularly / committed to a creative life that involves a lot of solitude and not a lot of reassurance.

And unfortunately I haven't found a great way to write effectively while my monkey mind is so easily distracted. But writing in the morning seems to help, so I'm going to prioritize that. And there have been a lot of great things in the past couple of months - I've had more time for my friends, and for going to the gym, and I've been eating better and drinking less (I know, I'm shocked too), and I've been slowly connecting with other writers and starting to do things for my writing business that I've been meaning to do forever.

So really, it's all good. I just want to focus this week so that I can get into a groove before I leave for NYC, since I have high hopes of writing while I'm there as well. But it's time to turn those hopes into a reality, even if the slog is hard; the end result will be worth it.

sssanyway, today wasn't all doom and gloom despite the past few paragraphs. I got up early and did some work at Cafe du Soleil before meeting Jess and John there for breakfast (don't call it brunch!). As I mentioned on Thursday, I missed Jess's musical salon night because I got sucked into the seedy underworld of whisky and tattoos, so I felt it was imperative to catch up as soon as possible after that debacle. So we discussed our respective lives over mimosas (still, don't call it brunch), and I had the totally scrumptious spanish-style tortilla (basically egg and potato, which are two of my favorite things). And it was good to see them before I go to NYC and they move to Berkeley and our friendship dies a sudden death as the Bay Bridge comes between us.

After that, I came back to my neighborhood and went to Another Cafe, where I worked for a couple of hours on Octavia's character/style/mannerisms, since I feel like she's not quite coming together for me. I also said hi to Hugo, who was working there as per usual. But I didn't stay for all that long; I had a hangout date with Terry so that we could coordinate on my upcoming trip (yay!). And then I cleaned the kitchen, threw out an impressive display of mold formerly known as my compost, and called my parents. They have baby peacocks now, because of course they do.

At that point I contemplated walking down to the Marina and eating steak/drinking wine at Aix, but luckily I checked their website and discovered they're closed on Sundays. So I instead took the half-assed approach and bought sushi at Whole Foods, and then decided to drink water instead of opening the champagne I considered opening. I have to train with Alyssa at 8am tomorrow, so sobriety seemed like the better part of valor. And then I spent the rest of the night answering some emails, taking care of business, writing in my journal, and planning my to-dos for the week or two ahead.

And now, I'm going to breathe in, breathe out (green to red, machinehead), and remember that I went through all of this the last time I quit my job, and I seem to be getting closer to the end of the tunnel much faster than I did last time, so this is all good. If nothing else, the fear spirals this weekend were better than last weekend, or the weekend before that, which seems to indicate progress - and I don't have time for fear spirals this week, since I have lots to do before going to NYC (where all fear will die naturally while I'm having fun/being inspired, or it will be killed by the Rat King in the subways, either way). And on that note, I shall also stop being dramatic and go to bed. Goodnight!

some nights i stay up cashing in my bad luck

Today was pretty mellow, but it went somewhat according to plan...no writing, but enough socializing to keep my head clear so I can hopefully get some writing done tomorrow. I woke up in time to eat some breakfast, drive to Palo Alto, and work out at Equinox - I forgot that Saturday mornings in Palo Alto mean a lot of suburban moms/dads attempting to get a workout in, and the gym was packed compared to hangover-time in San Francisco. But I got my workout in, showered, and made it to brunch with Heather (aka dear respected madam) right on time, so I felt v. smug about that.

We met up at Joanie's, which, as you know, I adore; happily, they still have almost all the same staff as they had years ago when I used to go there all the time, and they always act so happy to see me (and I'm, obvi, v. happy to see them). Heather and I hadn't seen each other since right before I left work / went to Bora Bora, so we had a ton to catch up on. We spent a couple of hours at Joanie's, and then we went across the street to Printers' Cafe, where I had an iced coffee on top of the endlessly-replenished coffee I had at Joanie's (on top of the tea I drank on the way to the gym), which made me all twitchy and crazy on the drive home. But the caffeine rush was worth it to have some quality time with Heather - she's one of my faves, and I don't see her nearly often enough.

All good things must come to an end, though, so I drove home and took a nap (which was more of an attempt to rest my eyeballs than anything else, since my caffeinated state was too extreme to allow for real sleep). Then I messed around at home for a few minutes before deciding to actually follow through on the plan I'd made with Hugo and Vidya (a plan that I had thought I would almost certainly bail on) - I went to the Mission (I know, so unusual for me), in a very sketchy Lyft situation (the driver was fielding calls from his boss, which seems weird, about an accident he'd had earlier in the day, which didn't instill confidence).

Once I arrived safely, I had drinks at Cease and Desist, where Hugo and Ken and some other people whom I've befriended at a nearby cafe were guest bartending (with all tips going to charity). I hadn't intended to drink tonight, since I feel like I still need to detox from my weird tattoo-whisky night on Thursday, but I ended up having a glass of wine and one of Ken's daiquiris (but it was for a good cause, so it doesn't count, right?). And I should really write it off on my taxes, since I may have convinced Ken's wife and her friend to buy my latest book, so I guess this should count as marketing. But it was fun to hang out with all of them, even if going to a bar from six to eight meant that I came home slightly tipsy while the sun was still out, which is ridiculous.

But I got home without drama, and I read a book for the last hour or so (a young adult fantasy to help me understand the market better for my not-gargoyle book...but the book I'm reading pretty much sucks despite being a bestseller, so I'm a little disappointed). And now I'm going to go to bed so I can pursue social + writing plans tomorrow - goodnight!

i would do anything for love (but i won't do that)

My hangover this morning wasn't all that epic, but there was a point where I certainly didn't feel well...but that could have been from eating steak at eleven p.m. after drinking whisky on an empty stomach, and not necessarily from sheer quantity of alcohol consumed (which wasn't really all that much). However, I managed to drag myself out of bed, shower, and make it to the San Francisco office in time for lunch with Natalie, who was one of the people on the team I used to work on. It was great to catch up with her, and we talked about the fun stuff I've missed since my departure ('fun' may not be entirely accurate), writing, life, etc.

So, that lovely interlude put my in a great mood...and then I followed it up with a facial, which made things even better. Then I came home, sent some emails, and decided that I needed to get out of the house. So I went to Another Cafe, where I did a few hours of busy-work and spent some quality time talking to Hugo, who has made me exceedingly glad that I don't have to study for the bar exam like he does.

By sevenish, though, I was done, so I came home, ate a sandwich, messed around online, and painted my nails. And now I'm going to indulge my inner hermit (and my inner hangover) and go to sleep early so that I can be in it to win it tomorrow -- goodnight!

cakes on a plane

Today did not go *at all* like I intended for it to go. That was somewhat good, somewhat bad. The somewhat bad part was that I intended to write several thousand words and didn't actually end up writing anything. But it wasn't all bad...I spent several productive hours brainstorming a plot element that requires significant planning, as well as thinking through the plot of the third book so that I don't screw it up with this one. That's all necessary stuff, but it doesn't make it any easier to wish that the writing would come more easily...

...but beyond that, today was good. I went to the cafe by nine and saw Hugo there (earlier than usual), so I hung out with him downstairs while working for a few hours. Then I left during a break in the drizzle to come home, write some emails, eat some leftover steak with fresh eggs, and take a nap (my life is hard). Eventually, I had to pry myself off the sofa and into the shower, which did a lot to cleanse my sins.

At that point, I was planning to meet Kathia for a writing date, followed by Jess's art|song salon, so I put on a cute dress, tights, and boots. However, Kathia was getting a tattoo redone, and it was taking a bit longer than she expected, so she said I should meet her there. This turned out to be totally awesome, but it lasted for five and a half fucking hours, which meant that I a) missed Jess's performance, and b) missed dinner, which was crucial. It was particularly crucial because, in something that seems totally verboten for tattoo artists, we were drinking wine and whisky from the bottle during the whole experience.

Wine and whisky together is always bad; wine and whisky on an empty stomach is worse. But I had an awesome time watching Kathia get tattooed, even though it took way way longer than it should have (see: breaks necessary for the tattoo artist to drink more whisky). Her husband Jerry was there, and at some point we somehow managed to pick up Jason and Steve, who happened across the tattoo guy drinking outside and decided to join us. Steve died at some point (and by that I mean he disappeared), but he was replaced by Eli (aka Steve 2.0). And a truly fantastic time was had by all -- the tattoo guy, despite his rather lax approach to sobriety, was hilarious (he proposed not-marriage to me, which I accepted), and he did some awesome (but still unfinished) work on Kathia's shoulder.

Eventually, though, we called it quits and went to Bell Tower for a v. late (post-ten p.m.) dinner, where Kathia and I both ordered the steaks we'd been dreaming of for hours. And then I came home, and now I'm intent on passing out in my own bed before the whisky and wine overtake me. Goodnight!

i can see it coming, i can see it come for miles

I had a decent enough day, I suppose, but getting up early to train with Alyssa kind of threw me off my game. Not that I got up that much earlier than I've been getting up, but it turns out that morning is my most productive time (I hate myself), and so I didn't get anything done before seeing her (although the workout might have been better than usual). Then I showered, had breakfast at Joanie's, checked my mail in Palo Alto, and was home by 12:30.

Theoretically that left me the whole afternoon to write...but I don't do that well in the afternoons. And I needed a nap. So I took a nap, then messed around on the internet, then dragged myself to the cafe with the intention of writing, but I mostly did business-type stuff instead. By five I figured I was never going to accomplish anything (and some brogrammers were being particularly loud, which I found particularly annoying), so I came home with the intention of doing nothing tonight.

But happily, I was lured out of my hermitville and back into productivity by John, who was working at Cafe du Soleil and gave me a heads up so I could join him. This accomplished two things: a) I got to see John, and b) I got the glass of wine I'd been wanting but couldn't have at my cafe. So we caught up for a bit, and then did an hour of work (finally - no new scene, but I made some progress on my thinking), and then we had a late dinner at Thep Phanom. All in all, this was quite delightful, and I'm glad we got to spend some quality time together before I go to NYC and he moves to Berkeley and we never see each other again (okay, maybe "never" is a strong word).

Now, though, I need to sleep so that I can get up in the morning and seize my productive time like it's meant to be seized. Goodnight!

say something i'm giving up on you

Tomorrow morning is going to feel like I'm going back to the day job, because I have to see Alyssa at eight a.m....but then I think I'm going to have breakfast at Joanie's after rather than going to slog through a bunch of emails/aggravations, so even though getting up and driving down early will suck, the rest of the day will be great. And maybe I will slog through emails...but at least they'll be emails of my own doing, and not emails related to the day job.

Today was pretty good - I didn't write anything fresh, but I spent several very productive hours at a cafe combing through the timeline of the overarching series and making notes of how the scenes I've planned for this book match up to the scenes that already existed in the previous book. At this point I've probably planned as much as I can plan and I just need to start writing, which is always, always the hardest step. So maybe tomorrow I just need to do it. Or get drunk and do it. Or something.

Anyway, I came home for a late lunch, took a nap, tried on dresses for NYC (I have no idea what I'm going to pack, but I have enough options), took a shower, and then spent some quality time at a Facebook party for someone else's book launch. Yes, that sounds silly. Basically I spent half an hour 'hosting', which meant liking people's posts and occasionally writing (hopefully, possibly not) witty things on the page. But it counts as work, so whatever. Then I went back to the cafe for my second shift; this time I didn't intend to write, but instead I spent the hours of 5:30 to 7:30 taking care of business stuff, reevaluating my defunct Tumblr, going through my website and making notes of everything I need to update, and working on the cover for my new book.

So, getting some business stuff done felt good, even if I'm probably still procrastinating from the book. Then I came home again, ate something, messed around on the internet, and packed my bags for tomorrow.

And now I'm going to sleep, hopefully dream something good, train early tomorrow, and hopefully write something good. Goodnight!

everything that you ever dreamed of disappearing when you wake up

Today was marginally better than yesterday...actually, it was a lot better, although I was still prone to despair in the darkest parts of the afternoon. But I woke up at 6:45 and was at the cafe before eight, where I got in a solid couple of hours of work before leaving to train with Alyssa. It was going well this morning, and I sort of regretted breaking the concentration to go south -- while I'm glad that I'm still seeing her, that's the one problem in favor of no longer going to Palo Alto, since it definitely eats into the most productive time of my day.

But the workout itself was good, and I have no regrets about that (even if my hands are developing multiple stripes of calluses, which feels so unladylike - I'll never marry a Regency duke now!). Then I showered, ate lunch, and went to San Mateo for a writing date with Anne, Barbara, and Poppy. I hadn't seen them since before Texas, so it was good to catch up, and I got a lot done there as well. But by five p.m. I was totally fried, and I had to stick around for a couple of hours anyway because I had plans nearby and there was no point in going home. So I messed around online and messed around in my journal in a somewhat desultory fashion, which didn't help my mood...

...but then I met up with Shedletsky and Tina for dinner, and that turned everything right again. They just celebrated their first wedding anniversary, which is super hard to believe, and we caught up on everything in our respective lives over steak at one of the v. old-school places they like to frequent in Belmont. It was great to see them, even if their ideas for romance novels alternate between 'possibly genius' and 'truly horrifying'.

Now that I'm home safe, though, I need to sleep - I know everything will be less anxiety-inducing once I'm getting more words on the page more regularly, and I think I've done enough plotting for now and it's time to start producing scenes. So that's the plan for tomorrow (easier said than done, but I'm going to give it my best shot). Goodnight!

your trojan's in my head

Today was kind of a mess, if I'm being honest. Not for any good reason, really...but I'm feeling like I'm not being productive enough, and when I get into one of those fear spirals, it's easy to let it carry me all the way to the bottom rather than finding an off-ramp. But at least I know a fear spiral when I see one now...so I have some hope that I've eventually deal with them more quickly, if not evade them entirely (a noble, likely futile goal).

But it wasn't all fear and stress and despair...I woke up moderately early and met Kathia at 9:30, so I got in a couple of hours of legit brainstorming this morning. I'm coming close to a solid plot, I think, and I am planning to press hard this week to see where I can take it. After we parted ways, I said hi to Hugo (who was working, unbeknownst to me, in the same cafe downstairs), laughed at his general life plight because I have no bedside manner, and then left him to his studying so that I could buy groceries and make a belated breakfast/lunch. Then I spent the early afternoon doing laundry/napping/panicking. And then I called my parents, who were in fine form (albeit still, somehow, sick), which made me feel better because at least someone will still love me even if my books all suck henceforth and I have to get a job as a janitor at a Starbucks because I never even learned how to pull a shot of espresso properly. Sigh.

sssanyway, I was going to mope some more after I got off the phone with them, but since I now recognize a fear spiral, I instead put on some real clothes, walked to the Marina, and had an extended dinner at Mezes. I picked the right night to do it, since they were v. v. slow, so I got to catch up with the bartender in a v. leisurely way. I also enjoyed a couple of glasses of wine and some delish chicken skewers while plotting and scheming in my notebook...I wanted to plot out the week ahead, and I accomplished it well enough. Eventually, I said goodbye, came home, and finished a book I'd started awhile ago ('Prudence', a steampunk novel that's a spinoff from a series I'd previously loved - my jury is out on whether I love this series yet, but it was a good enough read).

And so, happily, I feel better than I did this afternoon, and I'm eager to tackle this week with all the ruthlessness I used to use against my day job. Or something. Goodnight!

nothing lasts forever...but the sound of love astounds me every time that it calls

I had meant to go to bed super early tonight to make up for last night's debauchery, but I sabotaged myself by reading a book instead. C'est la vie...it wasn't the worst choice I could have made, I suppose. I was pretty lazy this morning (see: last night's debauchery), but I eventually wandered to my old neighborhood and had a late breakfast at Tony's cafe. It was good to see him; he showed me pictures of the vacation he and his family took this week, which were cute enough to make me forgive him for being closed when I wanted breakfast there on Thursday. Then I was going to go to the gym, but I hung out for an hour writing first, and by the time it was time to work out, I wasn't feeling it.

So I came home, ate a snack, took a nap, showered, and went to Philz, where I spent a couple of hours continuing to read the book about satire in seventeenth century London (riveting!). I read it for another hour when I came home, but at that point I needed to take a break from such a stimulating subject (and from staring at pages). So I straightened up my apartment, made a sandwich, ate the sandwich, painted my nails, and then read some filthy vampire erotica to make up for my studiousness.

But now that the illicit fireworks finally seem to have died down outside, I'm going to sleep and hope that I restore myself so that I can write tomorrow - goodnight!

you'll fall in love and you'll be screaming demon

I was out and about far, far later than I'm accustomed to (I know I said that last night, but tonight has last night beat). However, I drank far, far less alcohol than I usually drink in the particular crowd I was out with tonight, so maybe I'm growing up? Or maybe the desire to not be hungover so that I can write and go to the gym tomorrow overcame my usual go-with-the-flow (of alcohol) vibe.

Either way, I'm remarkably sober (if remarkably tired), so you'll prob get too much detail in this blog post and not nearly enough typos/jhokes. #sorrynotsorry

The day started off later than usual due to last night's mild debauchery, but I made it to a cafe by ten-ish, where I worked v. diligently for a couple of hours. I didn't write anything, but I took the necessary step of going back through Thorington's book to see what I'd committed myself to that might help/hinder the new plot idea I had (answer: I committed to some things I wish I hadn't, but it's not insurmountable). Then I came home, ate lunch, and then got a pedicure (perhaps not a necessity, but I'm not going to cut pedicures until I start cutting expenses (which hopefully won't have to happen...it will depend on how Rafe's book does and whether I think the market will keep growing or whether the ebook industry is going to collapse under my feet and take my dreams and finances with it) -- and even then, there are prob other things I would cut first). I did a bit of work/planning while getting the pedicure -- perhaps not enough to write it off on my taxes as a business expense, but enough to get me daydreaming about my business.

Post-pedicure, I came home, took a nap, and then walked to Philz (which was closed early, so I went back to the other Philz). I spent a couple of hours reading 'City of Laughter: Sex and Satire in Eighteenth Century Britain' -- my new idea for Rafe involves some satire stuff, so I'm doing some research to get some ideas about British satire and understand the limits of what I can do with this idea. The book is actually quite fascinating and well-written, so I'm enjoying reading it -- perhaps not so much that I would recommend it without reservation to all of you, but definitely enough that I intend to keep going over the next few days. Of course, I can't just do research -- if I do that, it's easy to spend weeks/months not writing at all. So I want to start writing (or at least outlining) tomorrow, even if the temptation of reading is strong.

However, all fun times must come to an end, so I reluctantly put the book aside and pursued my duty of attending Chandlord's pre-4th of July party. Perhaps if I'd pounded alcohol early I would have been more prepared for what was to come, but I was quite sedate -- I had a glass of wine and a glass of whisky on the rocks, which I nursed until it became more water than anything else. And I mostly spent the party catching up with Omar (who visited me in Iowa so many years ago) and Maya and Jesse (who have twins and somehow miraculously still have a social life), along with Ken (whom I saw last night; this was our third interaction ever, but I think he has a solid sense of who I am since he complimented my brazen ability to throw shade at people around me) and Hugo (who works at the same cafe I've been working at -- and by 'works' I mean he's studying for the bar while I write; we're not baristas, obvi). And Katrina was there as well, although we didn't have a lot of quality time together. At some point some random group of dudes showed up, but other than throwing shade at them (while checking them out in a desultory sort of way), I had no real interaction with any of them.

Despite the lack of interaction, our fractured groups (sans some of the people who made their blessed escape) ended up at YamaSho, which is a karaoke place with private rooms. Adit and Priyanka met us there, after attending the opera (so civilized), and Omar and I hung out with them upstairs while they ate ramen and we started trying to get through the gigantic bottle of sake that Omar ordered. Eventually, though, we descended into the bowels of hell, where there was a battle for karaoke supremacy going on between Ken and some of the random dudes from Vidya's party. This was kind of entertaining to watch, but I was far too sober for karaoke (although perhaps sober is better than exhausted, since Omar somehow fell asleep in the middle of it all). However, it was still fun to hang out, and I didn't have a mental break from the noise and run away abruptly like I did the last time I went to YamaSho, so I'd say that's progress.

Anyway, I left with Adit/Priyanka/Omar, who gave me an entirely unnecessary (but sweet) ride home to make sure I didn't get murdered; since my apartment was across the street from where they parked, it would have been far more efficient to let me walk home while they watched me get murdered from a distance, but the ride was nice anyway. And now I must sleep so that I can write/read/work out tomorrow -- goodnight!

kiss me hard before you go

I awoke today at 5:20am from a nightmare in which I was in an interminable meeting with someone from my old job, which was just like every meeting I actually ever had with that person (interminable, and unmemorable save for the fact that every moment was excruciating even though the end result was always unworthy of mention). Luckily, the dream ended when I went back to my desk and then remembered that the intern is currently sitting in my desk, at which point I remembered that I'm free and don't have to dream about those fuckers anymore. [disclaimer if any coworkers happen to have stumbled across my blog: if you're reading this, you're (probably, maybe) not classified as 'those fuckers' in my mind].

sssanyway, I went back to sleep until seven or so, and then I showered and hied myself to my old neighborhood with the intention of having breakfast at my favorite cafe. But Tony is slacking this week and closed the restaurant so he could take a vacation. I'd already paid for parking, though, so I found another place on Union Street that served a totally delish pulled pork hash with poached eggs...so while I felt dirty for cheating on Tony, my side-piece breakfast was really awesome. And Tony never has to know, right?

Then I went to SenSpa and got a massage. This was probably unnecessary; other than tweaking my neck in my sleep on Sunday, my body has been pretty relaxed (even Alyssa has commented that my body no longer resembles that of a wizened desk troll), and the only tension the massage therapist noticed was in my forearms (prob a combo of writing all the time + doing a lot of kettlebell/grip-type stuff). But it certainly felt good to get a massage and relax for a bit.

Post massage, I showered again, ate a snack, and met up with Kathia for a couple of hours of writing. I made a lot of notes about my new ideas for Rafe and Octavia, and she and I discussed my possible new plot while wandering through the Asian Art Museum after leaving the cafe (she's a member, so we could just go in for free). I think the new plot is a winner - it doesn't have the tired cliches that I thought the old plot had, and it leaves more room for happy/jokey/entertaining scenes instead of a lot of sturm und drang. So tomorrow I need to start rewriting what I have and making progress toward a solid draft.

I got home around 5:30, and I then messed around, made some chili because it was literally the only thing I could make (I'm even out of eggs), took a nap, and fortified myself for late evening plans (and by 'late' I mean '9:30 start time', which is plenty late in my sad new book). Chandlord came by and we went to Slate, where DJ Purple was doing karaoke night. I had heard many things about DJ Purple in the past, but true to form, I'm years late to the party. We met up with a couple of Chandlord's friends, and it was all quite delightful. It probably would have been even more delightful if I'd had ten drinks instead of one (at least until I vomited up drinks six through ten), but I was relatively subdued in an effort to keep from having a productivity-destroying hangover tomorrow.

I made it until 11:05, which was five minutes later than my goal, and so I parted ways with the group and came home. And now I shall sleep, hopefully dream of Rafe and Octavia instead of my fucking coworkers, and attempt to be productive all day tomorrow before pursuing some more social activities in the evening. Goodnight!

we are all made of stars

I meant to go to bed two hours ago so that I could get up super early and head for the cafe as the sun comes up...but instead I finished reading one book and started reading another. I'm not very regretful about this, though, since one of the things I intended to do more of after leaving the day job was to read more books, and I've definitely been doing that. What I *do* regret, though, is that somehow in my reading stupor I didn't notice that there was construction starting up outside, and there appears to be some sort of annoying roadwork going on at the corner that my apartment overlooks. There are times when I hate living in the city, and times when they do roadwork at midnight definitely qualify.

However, the rest of my day was good...I got up in time to do a bit of work at home before driving to the south bay to train with Alyssa. She tortured me, but it was bearable. After, I showered, ate a salad, grabbed coffee at Philz, drove home, and spent the afternoon doing more administrative stuff and answering email...I probably should have written, but that's on the plans for tomorrow, so I'll take what I got done today and call it good. And then I ended my night in a glorious haze of reading, so now you know everything.

Sorry, that was probably as boring for you as it was restorative for me. But my regularly scheduled social life resumes tomorrow (not that that's any better for you, but still). Goodnight!

if you think about it too much, you may stumble, trip up, fall on your face

My plan for today was to take care of a bunch of administrative stuff, and I succeeded in forcing myself to buckle down and do a bunch of vaguely unpleasant tasks. The day started off at Another Cafe, where I spent a couple of hours going through all the things I want to accomplish, daydreaming about goals for the next few months/years, etc. I eventually had to leave so that I could speed over to my salon and get my bangs trimmed, which was accomplished as efficiently as possible (and now I can see again, so it was worth the effort).

Then I came home, made some lunch, and was v. focused and productive for approximately three hours to get through nearly all the things I planned to get through today - mostly financial stuff (compiling sales data) + some planning for my upcoming NYC trip + some answering of email, etc. I felt pretty happy with what I got done, and while I wasn't quite ready to quit for the day, I ended up stopping at 3:30 so I could walk down to my old neighborhood and see my aesthetician. I walked back and was home by five, and I ate a snack and took a ten minute nap before driving over to the panhandle for dinner with Claudia (aka Santy Claude).

We went to Nopalito, which I adore; they usually have a very long line, so I don't go there all that often, but we met at six and so were able to sit down basically immediately, which was delightful. All of our food was great, although I particularly love the quesadilla with pork belly, and I also enjoyed the beef empanada (they make their empanadas with masa rather than wheat flour, so I'm delighted). Claudia and I hadn't seen each other since our outing to see 'Mad Max' before I went to Texas, so we took our time catching up; we couldn't keep our table forever, but we adjourned to the plaza outside and had tea from Peets until it was time to part ways.

And now I should probably sleep; I have to train with Alyssa tomorrow, which means if I don't get up early I won't get anything done in the morning, and I really want to start making progress on Rafe and Octavia's story. Goodnight!

lost control when i panicked at the acid test

I did no writing today, but I have no regrets. I meant to get up early and go to the cafe before seeing Alyssa, but I slept abysmally for reasons that are totally unknown to me - I woke up at 5:30 feeling totally unrested, with a kink in my neck that got worse as the day went on. So, that was annoying, and it kept me in bed - I ended up sleeping from 6:30 to 8:30 (this time much more deeply), and then I messed around the apartment and drank tea and ate eggs until it was time to go to Palo Alto.

Once I got there, Alyssa pursued her nefarious kettlebell agenda, but the workout was good. And, happily, I don't have dengue fever, unlike one of the trainers there whom I hadn't seen around in two weeks (because, as it turns out, he went to the emergency room seven times because he had dengue). So really, when one considers that one could have gotten dengue or chikungunya in the South Pacific and spent the last month miserable, it makes the fact that I haven't finished a book yet (which, let's be honest, was *never going to happen anyway*) totally bearable.

After my workout, I showered, cleaned up my face, and went to my old place of employment for lunch with Alaska Matt. Due to our varied and conflicting schedules, it's unlikely that we'll see each other again in person for awhile, but it was lovely to catch up with him over salads in the sun, and I have high hopes that we'll have lunch over videoconference together occasionally going forward. He was his usual entertaining self, and it reminded me that I need to do a better job of staying in touch with those people whom I love but don't see very often.

But let's be honest again, I suck at that. But maybe I shall make an effort to get better. sssanyway, after parting ways with Matthew, I swung by my old building on a stealth mission to pick up Eugene (I told him to bring me some ibuprofen for my neck and tell no one where he was going, which he duly obliged, even if he did make an uncalled-for joke about how stealing ibuprofen from work was now my only form of health care). We went to the coffee place on campus for a delightful bit of catching up, and I had a triple-shot iced latte solely because it was free, so we'll see how I sleep tonight.

Coffee was supposed to include Tomas and Dave, but Tomas bailed (and sent me a text saying he hated me, which was super sweet), and Dave arrived shortly before Eugene needed to leave. So I basically had the equivalent of two coffee sessions; Eugene took off, and Dave and I caught up too-briefly (but v. nicely) on whatever has happened in our respective lives since the last time we saw each other (pre-Texas). I ended up dropping him off at our old building, and I escaped campus by 3:30 without seeing anyone else, which enabled me to beat some of the traffic and make it home in an hour. Score.

Once I got here, I walked down to the Marina and bought some new running shoes. Then I made an amateur mistake and tried to go to Mezes, forgetting that it's closed on Mondays. So I ended up at Aix, where I had a steak that did a lot of wonderful things for me (I don't think I've had beef since the brisket at the family reunion, and I'm genetically wired to feast far more often on the flesh of my enemies, and by 'my enemies' I mean 'beef'). I also had two glasses of wine, which may have done even more wonderful things for me. And I spent some quality time with my new planner notebook - I haven't set my goals for July yet, but I wrote out everything I want to do this month, and I'm excited to get cracking.

And now, after a delightful uber ride home with a strange and interesting driver whose RV basically blew up recently, and almost falling asleep watching the sunset, and taking my time getting ready for bed, it's time to sleep. Goodnight!

thank you india

My goal today was to socialize, and I would say that I exceeded expectations! Hopefully this refills my extrovert well for the week of writerly solitude ahead (although since I have plans most of tomorrow, maybe I'm not exactly being a hermit at the moment). The day started off relatively early - I met up with John and Jess at 9am (which turned into 9:20am to our mutual benefit, since I was able to walk to the destination and get some steps in before a massive consumption of food) at Caffe Union for breakfast. Don't you dare call this brunch, since Jess abhors brunch. But as you know, Caffe Union is one of my favorite places, and the owner (Tony) gave us mimosas (I would say that mimosas makes it perilously similar to brunch, but don't tell Jess).

Thus properly welcomed to my former neighborhood, we spent a couple of hours catching up on our respective lives over tasty food and beverages. Good things are afoot for all of us, since John and Jess are moving to Berkeley (okay, that's bad for me) to be closer to their respective jobs, and I'm still basking in the glow of my freedom, so we had a lot to celebrate. We continued the celebration by walking down the street, where Jess bought a dress and I bought some eyeliner at Sephora before intending to part ways...

...but then our intentions were dashed upon the rocks of a series of texts and calls from Adit and Priyanka attempting to arrange brunch. We were by no means hungry, and John and Jess were leery of going anywhere in the city due to the traffic shitshow caused by pride weekend, but we ended up rendezvousing with Adit/Priyanka/Chandlord for second breakfast (don't call this brunch either, although it was totally brunch) at Rusty's Southern, which is relatively new and is delightfully close to my current abode. In fact, if they were open for breakfast during the week, they might become my go-to. Despite being totally full, I succumbed to temptation and had another mimosa + the pulled pork and grits with poached eggs, all of which were perfect (and, happily, John ate some of it or I might have exploded). The vegetarians were slightly limited in their options, but their eggs and grits looked good as well, and Priyanka's oatmeal was really tasty. And Jess, in deference to her brunch-hating ways, managed to get the most lunch-y thing available (a piece of fried chicken + an off-menu side salad).

So, family brunch lunch was delightful. We spent a couple of hours catching up, thwarting Chandlord's attempt to make us play Uno, and generally making merry. Eventually, though, it all came to an end, and I came home to do laundry and talk to my parents (who are in fine form, albeit sick or allergic or something from Texas). Then, I left my apartment again (shocking, I know!) to see 'Spy' with Lauren (aka Subz). It was pretty funny, but it was more of an actual spy movie with actual plot than I was expecting. However, all the actors were really good (particularly Jason Statham, whom I adore more than I should), and it was an enjoyable way to spend a Sunday night.

But now, after coming home and messing around with my planner for the week (way to end on a dork note, Sara), it's time for bed - Rafe awaits in the morning, followed by some time in the glorious south bay. Goodnight!

and i can never leave the past behind

I was very productive today, and since almost none of it involved screens, I'm pretty pleased with myself. I slept for 10+ hours last night, which helped to make up for some of this week's deficit, and then I met up with Kathia for what was supposed to be a writing date. However, since she spent the last month in Paris and we hadn't seen each other since the first week of May, we had a lot to catch up on, and so we spent almost three hours talking and not writing at all. This was much, much preferred over trying to get back into Rafe's story, although I want to do that tomorrow.

Anyway, it was great to see her, and it sounds like she had fun in Paris, which is making me want to sneak away there this fall (although I'm not allowed to go on any fun trips until I have a better routine established and can either a) write while traveling or b) write enough in advance to give myself a break). We eventually parted ways, and I came home, ate lunch, took a nap, and then spent the rest of the day and most of the evening cleaning. This involved vacuuming, changing my sheets, dusting, rearranging some stuff in my closet, cleaning the bathroom, rearranging the linen closet, unpacking from Texas, etc., etc. I've decided that I can't do most domestic tasks during the week (other than groceries/cooking) because it's too easy to waste a bunch of hours when I should be writing, but cleaning today was v. necessary for my sanity. I still need to do laundry, but I'm excited to crawl into my freshly-made bed and dream of everything I'm going to write this week.

So yes, I was a super hermit today, but it was lovely to be one. I did take a break to get coffee at Philz (and wonder why I live here, since I saw human feces on at least two blocks of my walk), and I also took a break to grab some snacks and sushi at Whole Foods. And I spent some evening time geeking out over printable planner templates so that I can redo my notebook and set some goals for Q3 (if I'm CEO of my own life, setting objectives and key results seems like a decent enough thing to do). And then I showered and painted my nails so that I would feel like a lady again rather than a common household drudge.

And now, after having accomplished everything I wanted to do today, I'm going to go to bed, hopefully have sweet dreams, and spend tomorrow socializing + doing laundry + organizing myself and my thoughts for the week ahead. Goodnight!

adult education

I've spent too much time staring at screens today, and I can feel the press of a headache against my eyeballs, so I'm going to go to bed early despite all the celebrating going on in SF tonight. I didn't sleep that well last night, mostly because I didn't go to bed until midnight and was awoken by the sun and instinct at 5:30 even though I could have slept until eight. Groggy, I then went to Palo Alto and trained with Alyssa, which was good. Then I had a writing date, where I did a bit of work, before coming home to beat traffic and continuing to slog until 6:30ish.

At that point, I was ready to send the first part of the gargoyles book to my editor, so I pressed send and took a break to have dinner (chicken skewers and wine at the bar at Troya; the food is delightful, but I'm not getting the vibe I got at Mezes or Des Amis, so it may not become my total go-to). Then I came home and spent another hour and a half writing a synopsis of the rest of the book + ideas for the rest of the series so I could give my editor some context about what I'm trying to do.

And with that, I'm going to take my hermity self and go to bed so that I can get eight hours of sleep before daylight and hope that it helps to restore me so that I can go back to working on Rafe's story tomorrow. Goodnight!

if i could find a way to see this straight i'd run away

I should have gone to bed ages ago, but I got lured into the book I started reading yesterday, and I'm so close to finishing...but that way lies madness. Today was okay enough, I guess; I got up earlyish and went to a cafe, where I accomplished some decent work between 8:30 and noon. Then I was going to come home and work some more, but I got distracted by Chandlord and Hugo, who had been working in the same cafe and lured me to Chandlord's place for lunch.

So that was nice, but it kind of broke my focus...and then I had twenty minutes to take a nap before John came over and helped me to jumpstart my car. This was duly accomplished without too much drama, and it was good to see him. We parted ways so that I could drive around for awhile and let the battery charge - I drove out to Ocean Beach and back, so hopefully the car will work tomorrow so I can train with Alyssa.

After that, I came home, messed around here for a bit, and then walked to the Mission, where I wrote/daydreamed for an hour at Four Barrel. Then I met up with Jen at Locanda; she's part of the friendship renewal group (in fact, was the person whom I named friendship renewal after), and she's now working in the city, so we can get together up here occasionally between meetings of the friendship renewal group in the south bay. It was great to see her, and I'm glad she's moved back from NYC and has forgiven me for showing up drunk to her wedding.

Once dinner was accomplished, I walked home, picked up my book, and was lost until now. And now I need to sleep so that I can accomplish many better and more useful things tomorrow - goodnight!

we buried it alive and now it's screaming in my head

Today was markedly worse than yesterday...but I suppose that's to be expected. When I'm being sane and self-forgiving, I remember that I tend to work like this - a twelve-hour rush of madly frenzied production, followed by a couple of days of less-than-stellar output. But that doesn't make the day after, when I just want to do it again but somehow can't find the rhythm, any easier to bear.

Of course, then there are the times when I do a madly frenzied rush for more than a day...but the recovery period is longer and more brutal. So I didn't try to beat my head against the wall too badly today; I got up and was at the cafe by 8:15 (where my possibly-adulterous lovebirds were making out again), and stayed there until noon, but even though I think I got some good words, my monkey mind kept luring me away from the page. So eventually I came home, ate a snack, took a nap, contemplated how I might get the words going, and instead said fuck it to the blank page and walked to Equinox, where a brutal kettlebell workout helped to clear my head. I should have seen Alyssa today, but since my car is still dead (a situation I hope to rectify, with a little help from my friends, tomorrow), I was left to my own devices instead.

But the evening got better, as things always do...I came home, showered, and had a hangout with Terry so that we could catch up between my Texas trip and her upcoming vacation. And then I spent the evening reading a book ("Uprooted") - it's magical fantasy, which is pretty much exactly what I wanted, and I saw a glowing review of it on twitter today, so I bought it and started it on impulse. I'm halfway in and it feels like this should be the climax, so I'm super super curious to see what happens in the second half.

However, I'm no longer a spring chicken, and so I shall do the sensible thing and go to bed even though my young, obsessive heart wants to keep going until it's four a.m. and my eyes are gritty and my body has burned itself out to get through the rest of the story...a feeling I used to have every week, but I'm too old for that now. Or maybe it's not that I'm too old, but I certainly like my sleep (see: the fact that I take a nap every day), and I have to get some immediately if I'm going to tell my own stories tomorrow. Goodnight!

the dream maker's gonna make you mad

I was highly productive today, which felt awesome (even though my eyeballs would like to fall out of my skull and surrender). I didn't get to the cafe quite as early as I intended, but I was still there by 8:15ish, which was early enough to verify that my possibly-adulterous lovebirds were back and making out in the upstairs corner table. It was also early enough that I was able to get in three hours of work/writing/brainstorming before coming home and making some eggs to sustain myself with.

After I ate, I took a brief nap (this is the best part of being self-employed), and then I spent the afternoon/early evening alternating between researching/reading on my couch and at Philz. I started reading a fascinating book on magic in the middle ages (called "Magic in the Middle Ages", of course), and the relationship between magic and religion, which is giving me some great ideas for the young adult books. I didn't do any actual writing today, but I was thinking hard about the rules of the world, how magic works, what their limits are, etc.

I also happened to come up with a great idea for Rafe's story while I was at it - I'm not quite unblocked there, and I have some reading/research to do to see if it will work, but I'm tentatively excited about it again. And I'm curious to see whether hopping back and forth between Regency and fantasy young adult will actually be good for me, or whether it's an exercise in total madness.

However, not everything went swimmingly - my car battery is dead, which is a most unwelcome discovery and means I probably won't go to Palo Alto to train with Alyssa tomorrow. However, at least I discovered this tonight when I went to get something out of my trunk, rather than tomorrow when I was trying to drive to Palo Alto. Other than that, though, the day was good, and I hope to make similar progress (but hopefully with a bit more original writing) tomorrow.

But progress tomorrow requires sleep tonight, and sleep requires that I stop staring at a screen for at least the next half-hour, so goodnight!

with or without you

I very nearly didn't blog tonight...not out of lack of desire, but because I have been staring at screens all day and can't bear to open my laptop. So you're getting an abbreviated phone version, and you'll have to take it up with the management if you're not satisfied. But today was great for getting back into the writing...I made it to a cafe by nine and worked solidly for a couple of hours (on the gargoyles book, FYI). Then, in deference to my empty fridge, I had lunch at MyMy...I've never been since the weekend line is insane, but I only had to wait for five minutes at 11:30ish, and my scrambled eggs were delish.

After that, I went to Staples for paper (my drug), then came home and had a phone date with Maya (a writer friend based in nyc). I then procrastinated/napped for a bit before going for a walk and eventually looping back to get groceries so I don't starve to death. And then I spent four hours brainstorming/falling down an infinite Wikipedia rabbit hole covering many and varied topics in western civilization, before abandoning screens in a sudden burst of revulsion. I compensated for my screen filled day by painting my nails and reading part of a paper book (shocking, I know) on effective habit-forming (so far she hasn't told me how to write a book in a week, but we'll see what happens).

Now, though, I'm going to sleep and dream the impossible dream that I'll make it to a cafe by seven tomorrow...goodnight!

sleeping children better run like the wind

No time to blog tonight, but suffice it to say that I have made my glorious return to San Francisco with only moderate delays to hold me up. Of course, this was accomplished after spending all day in transit - I had to ride back to Austin with Uncle Mark, whose flight left three hours before mine (which was better than what Drewbaby had to suffer, since his flight was another two hours after mine). Five hours in the Austin airport was about four hours more than I wanted to spend, but it was mostly done by sitting at a bar with Drewbaby, so it could have been far worse.

And happily the day started off well - I had breakfast with my parents before saying goodbye to them, which was lovely (albeit brief). And I bid my farewells to [censored], who [censored] entirely too early for my tastes. And now, after getting home and spending too much time reading the book I started on the plane, I need to sleep so I can hit the writing hard tomorrow - goodnight! And happy father's day!

i believe there is a time for meditation in cathedrals of our own

There are many strange and wondrous things I could tell you about today...about breakfast at Cracker Barrel, about attempts to infuse tequila with jalapeños, about using a box grater as a drink strainer, about using a potato masher as a muddler, and about eating fried catfish (which were caught when they were trapped in a spillway, and out Oklahoma relatives were able to stand in the creek and catch them with their bare hands). Or I could tell you that I continued to spend quality time with many and varied relatives, hearing about "online" dating via classified ads in the late 80s, or about genetic mutations that may mean I need to take more vitamins. Or I could tell you that the fireworks our Texas cousins shot off at the end of the night were more spectacular than any display ever put on by my hometown.

But to tell you all that while typing on my phone is simply too much, especially since I need to get up in less than seven hours to see my parents before going to the airport and eventually flying back to SF. So I shan't tell you any of it, and instead I shall go to bed. Goodnight!

don't want your picture on my cell phone...i want you here with me

The reunion started today, and I'm happy to report that it was entirely successful. We had breakfast at the hotel before starting the trek out to the ranch, which is always a good idea since it takes an hour to get there over entirely unmarked roads. [censored] drove me out there, and while I usually [censored] everything [censored] does, it's entirely possible that [censored] gunned it through a water-covered ravine, then nearly ran into a pack of wild hogs. Welcome to Texas!

sssanyway, we got to the ranch, where we spent the day visiting with a passel of relatives. It rained off and on throughout the day, which was actually awesome from a coolness perspective even if it made the swimming hole muddy. Lunch and supper both featured brisket, but the supper brisket was out of this world incredible - Wendell's son David slow cooked it all day, and it was totally perfect. And I got to spend some quality time with my more immediate family - particularly Drewbaby, who is now of legal drinking age, which meant we could enjoy cold beverages together without any possible legal repercussions.

But now, alas, I must sleep - we have to go out to the ranch again tomorrow, and even though we've now refreshed ourselves on how to get there, it's still not the easiest route in the world. Goodnight!

how much longer will it take to cure this

Today was all about what so many days are about: the War in the Pacific. I know, this is no surprise, since all y'all also spend hours at museums reading about WWII, right? But between the six of us on this trip, we're all on the 'way too fascinated' end of the bored-to-fascinated spectrum when it comes to WWII, especially since both my grandfathers were in the Pacific (and my mom's dad was in heavy fighting on Iwo Jima and Okinawa).

So, when we went to the Admiral Nimitz / War in the Pacific museum in Fredericksburg today, it was probably inevitable that we would spend like five hours there and feel like we hadn't seen nearly enough of it. It was very very well done, and it was v. interesting to read up on a lot of stuff from the Pacific theatre (which I know far less about than I know about Europe). After the museum, we were all ravenous, so we had a late lunch at one of Fredericksburg's fine dining establishments. Then, five of us wandered around the streets of town for an hour and a half while [censored] [censored]. Eventually, we all drove to Luckenbach, which hosts live country music every day (my idea of hell).

Luckily, no one wanted to do anything more than look briefly at the locals before leaving, so we all came back to Kerrville, where some of us reminisced about the things we saw at the museum because we're all total dorks. Then we had dinner (at the same place we ate last night, because no one likes change, although I got a steak this time), and then we came back to the hotel, where [censored], Drewbaby, and I have [censored] for the last hour (note: this time it doesn't involve lactation porn).

And now I must sleep - goodnight!

my seat's been taken by some sunglasses asking about a scar

I returned to San Antonio today for the first time since my trip there for a romance conference last year...and it's probably possible that I have no need to go back there again, although I enjoyed today well enough. But it's so fucking hot in Texas that I can't survive here longterm, and it wasn't even that hot today compared to how it was in July last year. Luckily, at the end of the week I will return to the fog of San Francisco, so if I can survive until then without my face melting off, it will all be good.

The day started somewhat lateish with breakfast around 9:30 at the hotel restaurant. Then, the six of us (my parents, [censored], Uncle Mark, and Drewbaby) loaded up and drove to San Antonio. Our first stop was the Alamo; I hadn't actually gone there when I was in town last year, even though my hotel was a block away, and I didn't really miss much. The gift shop is approximately as large as the shrine itself, which feels a little icky, but the grounds are landscaped nicely enough, and it was worth seeing (if the alternative was sticking around the hotel, which would not have been worth seeing).

Post-Alamo, we went to the Riverwalk, where Herman gave us a boat tour of the main Riverwalk area. I had walked up and down various parts of the Riverwalk last year and really liked it, but I hadn't taken any of the boats, so it was fun to see more of the Riverwalk from the comfort of a boat rather than schlepping through the heat (although in a total amateur move, I got a bit of a sunburn on my shoulders - I made it through all of Bora Bora without a burn, and then burned myself in an hour in Texas. Stupid.). After we'd seen several of the restaurants where I ate last year and several landmarks that we would never revisit (including a v. large mosaic mural, some random statues, an amphitheatre, etc....you've lost interest by now, I can tell :( ), we had a late lunch at Casa Rio. It's a bit touristy, the service was somewhat slow (although if I had to carry banquet trays in this heat, I would be dead instead of merely slow, so whatever), and the children near us kept feeding chips to the pigeons and then wondering why they were covered in birds. But the Tex-Mex was pretty good, and since I'll happily eat enchiladas until I die, it was perfectly lovely.

What wasn't perfectly lovely was the drive back, accomplished in brutal heat from which the truck's air conditioner never quite rescued us (as my stomach regretted the last half of the lunch I'd eaten and my eyes regretted the loss of my usual afternoon nap). But we made it back to Kerrville, and we rested when we got here (including some lovely discussion with Drewbaby and [censored] about [censored], which resulted in the hilarious substitution of the word "[censored]" for "[censored]"). I also spent some quality time talking to my mom by the pool, and we decided to walk back to our rooms just in time - in the fifteen seconds we were in the covered corridor between the pool and our side of the hotel, a total downpour started. It turns out we were lucky that we left San Antonio when we did, since they got four inches of rain and a lot of flooding as soon as we left. Crazytown.

Even though none of us were particularly hungry, we eventually went out for dinner (somewhat for lack of anything better to do). The food at dinner was surprisingly, uniformly excellent - we went to Billy Gene's (no apparent relation to the song, given the spelling and some other obvious clues), which had a cool deck overlooking the Guadalupe River, and a good time was had by all (except for my stomach, which is crying - I need to slow my roll tomorrow). Then we came back to the hotel, where Drewbaby and I listened to my dad regale us with stories of his misspent youth (including one I'd never heard, which involved a lot of blood, which is actually less common in his stories than I may have led you to believe).

And now, alas, I must sleep; no writing has happened here, which isn't exactly a surprise, but I at least want to be well-rested for tomorrow's activities. Goodnight!

heart skipped a beat

Howdy from Texas, where everything is bigger, including my headache. But the headache is probably because I had a glass of wine on the plane and another glass of wine at dinner, without enough water to combat both the wine and the flight. I know, I never learn.

However, my day went perfectly smoothly...I didn't write before leaving for the airport, but I took care of everything I needed to take care of around the house, left exactly on time, hit no traffic at all, enjoyed the benefits of TSAPre to get through security within five minutes, and then had a v. leisurely breakfast at the airport before boarding my flight. The flight was perfectly on time as well, and 3.5hrs is long enough to get some work done without being so long as to be unbearable.

And the work I did was mostly pleasant - I reread everything I've written for zee gargoyles, and I'm pretty happy with what I have, so I think I might pursue the plan I mentioned yesterday and work on it for a couple of weeks. If nothing else, I think it will help me to get back into the writing groove - once I've had several days in a row of writing a lot of words, it's easy(ish) to keep going, but it's the starting that is the hardest. I don't know how much I'll get done in Texas, but I'm excited to work on this project again (as long as I haven't jinxed myself by acting happy about it).

Anyway, I got to Austin at 5pm, which was v. shortly before my cousin Drew (you may know him as Drewbaby, although he's over twenty-one now) arrived from Denver. Our respective parents were already at the airport - Uncle Mark flew in this afternoon, and my parents drove down (with a stop in Oklahoma last night). I used all of my powers of sorcery to find someplace for us to eat (and by sorcery I mean I used Yelp to find someplace that looked tasty, and then Waze to avoid traffic). I was pretty pleased with the results - we went to Little Barrel and Brown, where I had a v. tasty burger and a v. respectable glass of malbec. They served the burger with 'marrownaise', which I was surprisingly not into - the mayonnaise had bone marrow in it, but it just resulted in this weirdly unflavorful sauce. Maybe it would have been better on a bun, but it was a bit strange on its own. However, the burger was great, so yay.

After Austin, we drove the ninety minutes or so to Kerrville, which is home base for the family reunion (although we're here a couple of days early). My parents and I arrived just as dusk was settling, and I hung out with them for a bit before adjourning to my room to wait for [censored] and watch the last quarter of the Warriors/Cavs game. [censored] arrived around 10:40pm, which was way later than I'm sure he wanted to arrive, but at least he made it despite the best attempts of Tropical Storm Bill to derail him. And now we're watching 'Highway Thru Hell', which I'm telling you even though [censored] usually prefers that all of our activities be [censored], but this show (about guys helping other guys to get out of the ditch during winter storms in Canada) is so fucking boring that I see no point in censoring it.

Now, though, I believe I shall go to bed so that I can be so fresh and so clean for tomorrow's festivities - goodnight!

i think you're a contra

Good evening, friends. In approximately thirteen hours I shall board a plane to ye olde Texas for a family reunion, and I can report that (miraculously) I'm all packed up and ready to go. Yes, I am as shocked as you are!

But today, while not the best for writing, was sufficient for getting things done before the trip. I did go to a coffee shop from 7:45am to 9:15am, but I only got a few hundred words; I spent the rest of the time rereading some stuff from Callie and Thorington's story to make sure I have the timeline right for this one. And I have to say...I am really not feeling this book. So much so that I'm considering giving myself a break from it, writing furiously on the gargoyles book that I keep going back to every couple of years, and turning that into my editor in a couple of weeks instead. I'm going to spend some quality time on the plane tomorrow considering my options, but there's something seriously fucked about what I've set up for Rafe and Octavia, and I can't seem to figure out what it is. Or maybe I'm not in the mood to write about love after my spinster honeymoon. Or maybe it's something else entirely - I don't know. But banging my head against it seems counterproductive, especially when there's another book I could way more easily work on instead.

Anyway, that's a decision for another time. After I was done banging my head for the morning, I came home, ate some breakfast (does a banana and string cheese count??), and went south to train with Alyssa. She was particularly brutal today, which felt good, although we'll see if it feels good tomorrow when my arms give out while lifting my bag into the overhead bin (I've always wanted an Owen Wilson nose, and this may be my chance). Then I showered, grabbed food, went to the post office, came home, and did a variety of internet-related tings.

I eventually ventured out into the fog to take a walk, get some cash, buy a couple of last-minute travel items, and get coffee to fuel me up for the evening (and consider Rafe and Octavia, to no avail). And then the rest of the evening was consumed with packing (and attempting not to overpack), cleaning, etc., etc.

And now, alas, I must sleep; I didn't take a nap today, which is very unwriterly (and untodderlike) of me, so sleep is imperative if I have any hope of writing in the morning before going to the airport (level of current hope: not much). Goodnight!

i wish that i could be like the cool kids

It was a lovely Sunday in San Francisco, thanks for asking. I didn't get up quite as early as planned (are you sensing a theme?), but I still made it to a cafe in time to write for an hour before Chandlord (aka Vidya) and Jess (aka Jwan) showed up to rescue me from my labors. We had a girls' morning out with an extended brunch at Nob Hill Grille (even though Jess hates brunch), followed by more chatting at Chandlord's house (the house she lives in now, not the place she rents to me).

This was a v. excellent outing, even if I was the only one who had a mimosa (which the menu promised was 'delicious and nutritious' - it was certainly one of those things). We had many tings to catch up on, including Jess's singing, some tribulations with someone's extended family (not mine...although maybe that's destined to happen in Texas this week, but if so, it won't be because some of them don't speak English and/or aren't willing to drive anywhere), the fact that Vidya has been to a million weddings (including two this weekend), etc., etc. So, I would judge the girls' morning out to be a success! And I would also say that it is delightful to have friends so charming and helpful, even if Chandlord only hugs me when she is distracted by something else.

Followed by that rousing effort, I came home, messed around for a bit, called my mother, had a delightful hangout with Terry, and did some laundry. Then, I spent the evening taking care of tings that needed taken care of - paying taxes, writing checks to people for services rendered, packing up things to be returned, etc. You will note that none of that includes watching either the Warriors game or the 'Game of Thrones' finale, since I am living in a strange bubble outside the confines of current pop culture. Come for the royal family trivia, stay for the fascinating tidbits about Regency history, but don't expect me to know anything about any tv show from the last five years.

And now, I believe I shall go to bed so that I can (you guessed it / you rolled your eyes at it) get up early tomorrow and write before going to the gym. Goodnight!

hunting for witches

Writing was a fail today, but I am reminded that I had planned to be nicer to myself about not working on weekends (although I'm not sure if that counts since I haven't ramped up to working full days during the week). I had meant to get up early and write before brunch, but I got up too early (5:40am, after six hours of sleep), and so dozed off and on for another couple of hours. That left me a little too lethargic, though - I should have just gotten up. When I finally got out of bed, I stared at the manuscript for just a little bit, but then I ate a snack, showered, etc. instead of facing the page.

But I made it to brunch with Shedletsky and Tina at Hong Kong Flower Lounge - we hadn't been there in ages, and it was good to have dim sum even if I can now only eat a small fraction of all my old favorites. This turned out to make it super cheap, though, since we didn't overorder; I think the total for the three of us was less than $30, which is crazy cheap for San Francisco (and especially crazy cheap given how many shrimp died to fuel our gluttony). They recently went to Italy and France, which sounded delightful, and so we exchanged notes on their Tuscan adventures vs. my spinster honeymoon, as well as discussing online marketing, ridiculous life updates, etc.

After we parted ways, I came home and took the shortest post-dim sum nap I've probably ever taken (combo of not overordering + not eating gluten makes these dim sum excursions far less challenging for my body than they used to be). Then I went a little too far down one of my fear spirals (an expected part of the transition from corporate slave to independent creative type, but even though it's expected, it's not easy to get out of once within it).

But I rallied and went to the gym, where I did a pretty heavy kettlebell workout (I'm up to swinging 24kg, so I guess that's a yay?), and so between the workout itself and the fact that I walked to the gym and back, I had almost two hours to clear my head and tire myself out, which was a good thing. Then I came home, showered again, took care of some tings, and ended up meeting Priyanka for a girls' night out at Lers Ros. And by 'girls' night out' I mean we ate curry and talked about shopping + the latest pics of Prince George; Adit is out of town, so we were able to indulge in girl talk to our hearts' content.

But all good things, even good things related to Parisian shopping (she and Adit were in Iceland/Paris for the last two weeks), must come to an end. So Priyanka dropped me off (with a v. brief stop to see the place, since she hadn't been over since I moved in), and then I spent some quality time buying plane tickets for my NYC trip next month. And now I must go to bed - I really really am going to get up early and write tomorrow. Goodnight!

ministry of love

Today was the first time in many days where I didn't have any plans at all, and while it was a little weird to be so hermity (it felt like today lasted for a week), I also managed to get 2000 words, which is better than any day I've had recently. So, I'm glad that the day shook out the way it did. I didn't get up particularly early, but I eventually went to a cafe and wrote for a couple of hours, where I got my first thousand words. Then I grabbed a late lunch, came home, took a nap, messed around in my notebook, and eventually went to Philz, where I wrote another thousand words.

I perhaps should have tried for another stint tonight, but I cut myself some slack and prepped some salad stuff again (the salad I ate tonight + hard boiled eggs and bacon and chicken for more salads the next three days). Then I curled up on the couch with a book, which was a delightful way to end my day. And now that the fog has rolled in, I'm going to go to sleep - I do have plans tomorrow, but I want to get another two thousand words at some point, so I think getting up early is a requirement. Goodnight!

i guess that i, i just thought, maybe we could find new ways to fall apart

My headache persisted when I woke up this morning, which threw a shadow over my day...but I think I've sufficiently rallied, so I have very high hopes, grand plans, huge aspirations, etc., etc. for the weekend. I want to make a lot of progress in the next four days so that I can leave for Texas feeling like things are coming together, so it's time to make it happen.

Today wasn't all bad, though. I laid in bed for awhile willing the headache to subside, and I eventually dragged myself out of bed and into some clothes so that I could go to Another Cafe to work. I was there too late to check up on my possibly infidelious lovebirds, but I wrote a couple of pages in my notebook while drinking an iced latte, so that I was good. Then I came home and enjoyed a very long, very lovely hangout date with Ritu (aka riturani) - we hadn't talked in a few months, and we had a lot to catch up on since I left my job/went on vacation and she went to Nepal to help with disaster relief there, among other things going on in her life. So we talked for approximately ninety minutes, which is never enough but was a great way to spend my early afternoon.

After Ritu and I parted ways, I ate the rest of my leftover salad from last night (happily, Past Sara didn't pick all the bacon and chicken out of the salad like she usually does, so the leftover half of the salad was actually pretty tasty) while engaging in some desultory gchatting with Terry. And then I spent the late afternoon at Philz on Golden Gate, where I messed around in my notebook some more while caffeinating myself in hopes that caffeine would help the headache (verdict: no).

But I ended the evening at Lauren and Nathan's, where I shamelessly ate their soup and drank their wine while catching up with Lauren. It was our only chance to get together before she goes to Tahoe this weekend and I go to Texas next week, so I leapt at the opportunity even though I probably should have let her go to bed instead. And now that I'm home and my headache seems to be subsiding (fingers crossed), I need to sleep so that I can get up tomorrow and hit the writing hard - goodnight!

i am done with my graceless heart...so tonight i'm gonna cut it out and then restart

I feel like I've been hit between the eyes with a brick, so it may be time to put down the screens and go to bed. Today was mostly fine, albeit fairly unproductive; I didn't get up as early as intended because the rain soothed me back to sleep after a somewhat restless night, and the rain also kept me from wanting to walk to any cafes this morning, which meant that I got very little accomplished at home. Then I drove to the south bay to see Alyssa; since she'd tortured me on Monday and I had reabused my quads by walking five miles yesterday, the foam rolling and other stretches were fairly brutal, but it was good to see her.

After Alyssa, I showered, grabbed lunch, and then meet a couple of writer friends for a writing date in San Mateo. I didn't get much, but at least I got something. Then I came home, took care of some tings, and met up with Dave for an earlyish dinner in the Marina, which was a straight-up jhoke. We had salads instead of wine, so I won't be hungover tomorrow, but I probably should have stayed home and worked rather than socializing so much - this book isn't going to write itself, and I need to focus a lot more clearly in the next few weeks (months, years) if I'm going to achieve what I want to achieve.

sssanyway, there's time for that tomorrow. Dave gave me a ride home and we parted ways, and then I succumbed to the headache that had been brewing all day (but happily I have health insurance again, so if this turns out to be a tumor, I have coverage! yay!). But I'm hopeful that water and sleep and ibuprofen (my trifecta of wonder drugs) will take care of that so I can write tomorrow. Goodnight!

our old friend fear and you and me

Today was not quite as excellent as yesterday, but I remind myself that any day when I get words on a page is a good day. I didn't get to the cafe until 8:45ish, which was later than I should have gone, but I saw the same couple making out there this morning who were making out there yesterday, which catapulted them from 'mildly interesting' to 'omg so fascinating'. They were both wearing professional business attire, although he'd hung his jacket over the second-floor railing to keep it from getting mussed whilst making out. So I must wonder now if they're having some sort of illicit affair, whereby making out in cafes at eight a.m. is the only way to see each other. I shall go again tomorrow and report back!

Anyway, despite that distraction, I got a couple of pages down, as well as doing some light editing of what I wrote yesterday (which I surprisingly liked even better today). Then I came home, showered, and walked to the SF office to have lunch with Gyre. The tacos were excellent, but of course his company was even better; I hadn't seen him for a couple of months, so we had a lot to catch up on with his job and mine. He eventually escorted me out, and I then walked to my salon to get my brows waxed (maybe not the most necessary thing in the world, but it's not high on the list of things to cut if I get more frugal). And then I bought groceries, got a lyft home, marinaded some chicken, and proceeded to take a nap and then do nothing.

I had meant to write tonight, but I sank into lethargy instead. However, I rallied, made some tea, and took care of some financial stuff - deciding whether to renew my life insurance coverage from work (answer: no, since getting it elsewhere would be cheaper), and compiling numbers for my tax advisor about how much I've made this year so I can pay my quarterly estimate. Adult life is fun. Then I wrote in my journal, painted my nails, and wrote this blog post so that you have something to enjoy in the future.

And with that, I shall sleep; I want to get up tomorrow and go back to the cafe de amor to a) write and b) spy on strangers, and then I have to train with Alyssa before meeting Anne and Barbara for a writing date. Goodnight!

i'll just avoid the holes so you sleep fine

Thank you, reader, for indulging my panic meltdown yesterday. While I'm not going to go so far as to say that my comment about hitting rock bottom yesterday was prophetic, I am certainly in a much better place today...it went exactly how I wanted it to, even if I didn't write again tonight during the second shift like I probably should have. I woke up around 6:45, left the house by 7:30, and ensconced myself in a cafe for an hour and a half, where I wrote four pages that were mostly okayish, and I'm starting to maybe get into Rafe and Octavia's voices. Yay.

But the writing couldn't continue forever; I had to leave to train with Alyssa, who tortured me today, so I expect to be sore tomorrow. After we were done, I made myself clean and shiny again, and then I went back to my former place of employment for an afternoon of socializing. First up was lunch with my former boss, who told me many and varied ridiculous tings. Then, I said hello to some people in my building (but no one shows up to work anymore, apparently, so pickings were slim).

After that, I snuck over to the coffee place, where I had coffee with Eugene, Tomas, and Dave. The barista may have been the happiest of all to see me, and I ordered an extra shot in my iced latte solely because it was free. It was eighteen million degrees in the south bay this afternoon, so we had to sit inside and try not to die, but it was all decent enough. Tomas asked me a lot of questions about my trip (because he actually cares) while Eugene angrily said he'd already seen my photos (because he follows me on instagram) and Dave asked specific but uninformative questions like which seats I sat in on planes (because he'd already heard about my trip and apparently doesn't like listening to me bitch about being stuck in Tahiti overnight, unlike all of you, who have been sooooo understanding about my struggle).

sssanyway, the coffee time was more successful than that description might have led you to believe. But those fools eventually had to abandon me for meetings, so I stuck around and talked to a couple of my former teammates until Dave wrapped up his stuff, and then I gave him a ride back to the evil city. I probably didn't need him as a carpool slave today, since traffic was moving quite nicely on its own, but given that the only reason I stuck around until rush hour to begin with was to hang out with those guys, it was nice to have company on the way home. Once I got here, I did some laundry, ran some errands, ordered some picture frames, etc....none of that was writing, but I'm feeling good about today despite that.

And now, despite the early hour, I'm going to crawl into bed, read for a bit, and hopefully repeat these daring feats tomorrow - goodnight!

i'm slowly drifting drifting away

I'm not gonna lie...this morning was bleak. I woke up and started writing as planned, but I got less than two pages before I felt like it was all wrong and I still don't know Rafe and Octavia well enough, and the panic rushed over my head and drowned me. Creating something from nothing is not for the faint of heart.

Anyway. I've written five books and there's no logical reason to believe that I can't write the sixth, and I've hit this point with all the other books too, so this too shall pass. But I'm not going to lie...I spent most of the morning on the couch, staring at the ceiling, trying to breathe and think calming thoughts. I also made some eggs and bacon at some point, so it wasn't all bleak. And I showered and dried my hair and managed to look totally presentable, so if this is rock bottom, it's at least a socially acceptable rock bottom.

After I'd calmed down somewhat, I took care of some tings online this afternoon, and I also talked to my parents, which was a soothing interlude. Then, I walked down to Fillmore and met up with Claudia (aka Santy Claude) to see "Mad Max". We bought a bottle of wine and some popcorn for eleven billion dollars, and I enjoyed the movie quite a bit. I was perhaps overexcited for it because a lot of people I follow on Twitter thought it was the best movie ever, mostly because I follow a bunch of romance writers who applaud any story where women get most of the speaking/acting roles, but in terms of pure entertainment/spectacle, it was pretty awesome. Then, Claudia and I soaked up the wine by having dinner at Troya, where we continued to catch up on life until it was time to part ways.

And now I'm going to sleep, get up early tomorrow (at the time I used to get up for work), and go to a coffee shop to write in the wee hours before the panic wakes up and tries to stop me. Goodnight!

when we go crashing down we come back every time

I have nothing particularly interesting to share with you tonight...but then, you're used to that. I woke up this morning, messed around, showered, and fell in love with my new hair dryer (don't judge me, it's beautiful). Then I met Lauren (aka Subz) for brunch in her neighborhood - as usual, hanging out with her was a delight, and it was nice to be ladies who brunch together before I resumed the slog.

Not that I slogged all that diligently - I came home and took a nap instead. And then I was having trouble getting into everything, so I went to Philz, drank some coffee, made some awesome lists, did some financial stuff, and generally figured out what I need to do over the next bit of time to feel productive. That list includes writing a fucking book, but instead, I came home, ate some chicken, drank some wine, watched six episodes of Parks and Rec, and messed around with photos and other minor tasks on my to-do list.

Yes, I'm living the dream.

But now, I need to sleep; I want to get up earlyish tomorrow and write while my brain is fresh and the ideas are flowing. I never thought I'd ever be a morning person, and I would argue that I'm still not, but I feel better if some words happen in the morning, so I'm going to make it happen. Goodnight!

i'm gonna take you to bed and love you, i swear, like the end is here

Today was the perfect blend of productive and social...I probably need to keep amping up the productivity so that I can write books faster, but for today, I'll take what I did. I'm still suffering from my sore throat/cough situation, so I let myself sleep in this morning, but I got up at a reasonable hour, folded yesterday's laundry situation, showered, got ready, and mourned the final, ignoble death of my hair dryer (which luckily dried my bangs before departing from this earth, so I didn't curse its memory as much as I might have).

After all of that oh-so-interesting drama, I walked down to soma and set myself up at a Starbucks near my old SF office, where I wrote a couple of pages while drinking an iced latte. This is farther than I would normally walk to find a coffee shop in which to write, particularly since I probably passed ten Starbucks on the way there, but it was worth it for the free lunch I indulged in after. Said lunch was accomplished with Dave and Shanti (not an employee, but I've met her several times since she works for the charity whose gala I went to a couple of months ago). And while it was the first time I went back to the man for free food in almost a month (it will be four weeks on Monday since I quit), this lunch was hydra-like in my ability to get more free food, since I ran into two other people who expressed interest in having me over for lunch. And since I'm having lunch with Sriram on Monday and Gyre on Tuesday, it seems clear that I won't starve for awhile...

Anyway, lunch was fun, and the coffee after was v. restorative. When we were done catching up, we walked Shanti to Caltrain, and then Dave and I took a detour to the mall, where I bought a new hair dryer at Sephora and Dave picked up something at Nordstrom. Our errands thus accomplished in extremely efficient fashion, we parted ways, and I completed my fiveish miles of walking by walking back to my apartment, where I attempted to rectify the sticky situation that was my hair (#protip: don't shop for hair dryers with someone who is bored and may spray you with every hair product in the vicinity), and then took a nap (#protip: naps are awesome).

But I dragged myself out of my slumber to spend a delightful evening with Vidya (aka Chandlord, aka Vidius Chandicus, aka my brother from another mother). We met at a new wine bar that opened at Post and Leavenworth, which is five blocks from me and a couple of blocks from her, and it was v. nice to find another place where we can meet for a drink (as though that has been a problem for us...). So we had two glasses of wine and some cheese there, and we were supposed to part ways after that...but her late evening plans got pushed back, so we proceeded to Benjamin Cooper (the successor to Big, which Chandlord was a big fan of several years ago), where we had some tasty whisky cocktails mixed up by Vincent and Alex.

Whisky was entirely unnecessary at that point in the evening, but it was good to properly catch up with my landlord after several weeks apart. Also, I think I paid for her cocktail at Benjamin Cooper, but it's worth it not to get evicted. We eventually parted ways, and she went off to be a hip young person in Oakland while I came home to eat tuna salad on toast and consider watching a movie (but realizing I'm too tired to watch a movie). Par for the course, I guess.

And now I shall sleep so that I can write in the morning before my aggressive socializing commences -- goodnight!

i guess i'm floating

I think I'm finally, slowly, starting (don't jinx it by saying it, Sara...) to figure out what I'm doing. Or maybe not. But today felt better in terms of productivity than I've felt in ages, even if it's all still baby steps.

Even though I was exhausted last night from not sleeping at all the night before, I for some reason woke up at five a.m. My eyes felt gritty as dawn overtook my skylights, and my mind was very monkeyish, so I took the highly unusual (but hopefully oft-to-be-repeated) step of picking up my ipad and reading in bed for an hour (Amy Poehler's memoir, continued). Then I realized I was still really tired, so I slept for another hour.

This may not convince you that I was productive at all...in fact, I could understand how you might conclude the opposite. But one of my big goals is to read a lot more, since I've read very little in the last couple of years and feel like I'll be better for it if I've got more words and stories sparking in my head. So by the time I got out of bed, I already felt a little smug for having read something so early.

That smugness turned into general joie de vivre as the morning progressed. I walked down to the my old neighborhood in brilliant, unusually warm (for San Francisco) sunshine while talking to my parents, who joked that the city is now my 'campus', since I can go to whatever building I choose to do my work (although obviously coffee shops are more likely to be chosen than, say, the MUNI yard). Then I had breakfast at my favorite cafe, where Tony teased me as he always does. And then I saw my aesthetician, walked back to my neighborhood, and promptly attempted to be productive.

It's also possible that I procrastinated...I did five loads of laundry and cleaned the kitchen, which is always a sign. But my sheets are crisp and clean, so I have no regrets. And despite my procrastination (and the mani/pedi I got in the afternoon), I managed to get a little over 1000 words today, which was my unofficial goal. I need to get many more words than that if I'm to produce a full book on the schedule I plan to adhere to, but this was a very good, very necessary, very block-destroying first step.

In addition to writing, I also briefly talked to Katie (she didn't send regards to my blog readers, but I'll pretend that she thought of you), ate some tasty leftovers, and finished reading Amy Poehler's book. And now I'm falling asleep as I'm typing this, so sleep is imperative - goodnight!

she's a butcher with a smile

It's possible that today was the most brutal day I've had since I left my day job -- and I include the disastrous day when I was stranded in tropical hell (aka Tahiti) in that definition. I had an unusually abysmal time sleeping last night -- I think I netted less than two hours, which made this morning an exercise in pain. But I managed to drag myself out of bed, and I took the odd step of showering before going to the gym just so I would wake up, which I think was a decent tactic.

Despite the shower, I almost bailed on Alyssa; the idea of driving to the south bay seemed like an idiotic move, but I knew that if I didn't do it, I probably wouldn't leave the house at all. So I sucked it up and went to Palo Alto, which ended up feeling great; we did cleans and snatches, and while my fatigued self probably slammed the bell into my own wrist more often than usual, it was good to get some exertion in.

But you know I was tired when I say that I skipped lunch altogether, bought a coffee at Philz, and drove home with nothing but caffeine to make up for my workout calories. When I got here, I napped off and on most of the afternoon - it was truly impossible to contemplate doing anything productive, so I just laid around on the couch and on my bed and tried to think of nothing.

This was mostly successful, and I was mostly revived in time to take a shower and meet Dave for a late(ish) dinner/drinks at Monk's Kettle. It could have been earlier, since his bus was stuck in some sort of traffic debacle, but as it turned out, we got really lucky - the 1hr+ wait I was quoted when I put my name in turned into ten minutes when I agreed to take an outdoor table (while Dave was still looking for parking - #protip, never drive to the mission), and while the fog and wind conspired to make the sidewalk chilly, the heat lamps and the three glasses of wine and the risotto and the delightful conversation kept my insides warm. I hadn't seen Dave since my last day at work, so we had a lot to catch up on. Not that there was enough time to catch up on everything...we used to see each other every day, so three weeks is a lifetime of stories to share. But it was good to hang out, and he gave me a ride home, which my unemployed self appreciated (I mean, my employed self would have appreciated it too, but I cared about budgets much less when I was making a corporate salary and a writing salary at the same time).

sssanyway, as is probably clear, I'm short on sleep and long on wine, so I should probably go to bed before that combination results in a lot of gibberish typing. Goodnight!

tonight i'm gonna bury that horse in the ground

Today felt rather endless, but I think that's because I'm still sick, still somewhat unable to focus as a result, and so was listless and apathetic all day. That's probably overstating it...but it really did feel like today was a million hours long. I woke up and did a bit of work this morning before making eggs (with avocado and salsa, winning), getting dressed, and going downtown to see my hair person so that I could get my bangs trimmed. I was also supposed to get my brows waxed, but the salon called this morning to say that my aesthetician was sick...and I'm feeling a bit guilty to think that maybe I was the one who knocked it out, since she gave me a facial on Friday and I probably breathed all over her. Oops.

Anyway, my bangs were trimmed v. quickly, and then I went to Samovar and worked for a couple of hours while eating jook and drinking chai in an attempt to revive myself. I kept pressing on what my issues are with Rafe (I'm currently blocked because I don't understand him yet, and so whenever I have to write a scene from his POV it feels all weird and false and uninteresting), and I think I'm getting there, so I have high hopes for tomorrow. After I could take no more, I ran a couple of errands, came home, took a nap, and ran down the street to get some groceries for supper.

Supper didn't happen until later; I spent some more time writing/journaling/staring off into space tonight, which felt good(ish). Then I made chicken fajitas using a new recipe I found on Chow - I thought the marinade was quite excellent, and it was all very easy. It also gave me a chance to finally use my new grill pan, which worked wonderfully. I made a corn tortilla quesadilla to go with the fajitas, and when I added avocado/salsa/sour cream, it was scrumptious. And, since I have enough leftover for two or three more meals, this is pretty winning - I expect I'll make it again sometime (although perhaps in the future I'll start the marinade in the morning so that the flavor is even better).

After I ate, I painted my nails, and then I read the first part of Amy Poehler's memoir ('Yes Please'). So far I'm really liking it - similar to Tina Fey's memoir, it's a bit of a hodgepodge of disjointed chapters, but I'm finding myself getting into this one more easily. So easily, in fact, that it's now eleven p.m. and I meant to be in bed an hour ago, but c'est la vie. Goodnight!

boom clap the sound of my heart

Today was close to perfect, even if my cold continues to conspire against me. I woke up around 6:30, made some tea, and crawled back into bed with my laptop and notebook for a couple of hours. I'm kind of stuck on the book, but I think I made some progress today in terms of figuring out what the problem is, so that's exciting. But I had to stop working around 9:20 so that I could make some eggs and fruit, put on clothes, pack more clothes, and scurry down to the south bay to see Alyssa. She gave me a decent workout, although I was perhaps more fatigued than usual due to the cold, but it was great to see her.

After the workout, I showered, ate some lunch, and went to San Mateo to meet Barbara and Anne for a writing date. I'm v. much looking forward to doing these regularly; it actually works perfectly for me to stop there and write with them for a couple of hours, since it's totally on the way and I can get home after with relatively little drama. We weren't entirely productive today, since I hadn't seen either of them in two months, and Barbara had just come back from a publishing conference in NYC, so there was much to gossip about. But we eventually stopped talking and committed to writing...and for me that meant continuing to scribble in my notebook, which wasn't the worst thing ever.

Eventually, though, I had to leave before traffic became abysmal. When I got home, I immediately went to the grocery store to pick up a couple of things for tonight, and then I came home and made chicken tortilla soup and a simple but tasty arugula salad for the family gathering I hosted. This was originally supposed to be something last weekend with John and Jess, but it ended up being scheduled for today, which meant I could add Claude since she was back in town. Chandlord (aka Vidius Chandicus) showed up after we'd finished consuming animal flesh, so she joined us for more of John's (surprisingly excellent - and I only say 'surprisingly' because he was the progenitor of such famous drinks as the Tokyo Army, the Blackberry, the Sugarcane Drain, the Blood of Lincoln/Body of Lincoln, etc.) margaritas and Claudia's wonderfully delicious boysenberry cobbler (which was gluten free to boot).

We discussed all manner of things: cat parties, moving, life, the use of pineapple cake as an assault weapon, bad ideas, artificial intelligence, whether mothers are capable of correctly identifying whether their son is, indeed, a 'catch', etc., etc. But now the time has come to say goodnight so that I can be similarly productive tomorrow - goodnight!