into the blue

My uncle would have been sixty-seven today. I felt rather sad about this all day; it isn't really any different than any other day, and quite frankly, since I'm kind of a bitch about communication, if he were alive I probably would have texted him and then moved on with my day. So, that's something I've been reflecting on over the past few months - I'm really quite bad at keeping in touch with people who matter, or responding to people who reach out (hi Alana, who reads this blog and whose email I didn't respond to after my uncle died). And I'm really unclear why that is. When I'm with people, I try my best to be tuned in, and I really enjoy deep, meaningful connections....but when I'm not with people, my energy is focused on whatever I'm doing in the moment rather than keeping connections alive across time and distance. And so, because I was rarely with Uncle Mark, and because I tended to ignore emails, I'm now feeling regret for how that connection dimmed even before he was suddenly gone.

sssanyway. Today was less productive than hoped, perhaps for now-obvious reasons. I stayed in bed longer than I should have, then spent the morning messing around with my finances and taking care of some mundane tasks. I eventually showered, ran some errands, and then spent almost three hours on the phone with [censored] and with my parents, with a break in between to make dinner (a new instant pot recipe for a chicken mushroom pasta that didn't turn out quite as nice as I'd hoped, but was still respectable). And I did tidy up my bedroom and put some stuff away, and also do two loads of laundry, so it wasn't all sloth.

But now I need to sleep - goodnight!