nevermind, 'cause you're never mine

I'm back in Denver after a 10+ hr drive across Iowa (great), Nebraska (terrible), and Colorado (excellent because I sped with impunity). I managed to get out of Iowa at the fairly early (for me) hour of 9:30am - I felt some urgency because there was a curfew starting at 8pm in Denver and I wanted to make it home before then. Luckily, I gained an hour coming from the central to the mountain time zone, and I made my stops brief - I got fries/coffee at a McDonald's in Clarinda (Iowa), then stopped for gas in York (Nebraska), then stopped again for gas and a bathroom in Ogallala (Nebraska, where the westernmost Casey's convenience store is). So, I made it in 10.5hrs including three stops, which was pretty good.

When I got home, I unloaded my car and had time to pick up a pizza from Blue Pan before curfew started. And now I'm going to go to bed since I have many meetings and much catching up to do tomorrow - goodnight!

now different lives i lead, my body lives on lead

I'm leaving for Colorado tomorrow, so today was mostly about preparing to go. But first, I spent a couple of hours with my mom - we drove to a couple of cemeteries (three, to be precise) to pick up Memorial Day grave decorations. This was a journey of almost sixty miles, mostly on paved roads, but also mostly through areas of the county that are practically devoid of people.

The last cemetery is one of my favorites - it's in a town called Confidence that is now no longer a town, but is instead a cemetery and a loose collection of houses. The Confidence cemetery is split into an old cemetery and a new cemetery - the graves my mom visits are all in the old side, and she is one of the last people who decorates anything on that side. The graves there are seriously old, including some of people born in the 1700s; a bunch of interesting and bizarre names; many many small children and young wives; and my mom's father's ancestors, resting among giant old trees in a cemetery where the driveway no longer exists and a simple rusted chain holds the gate shut.

So, it was a nice tour of the backroads of the county, even if it sprinkled a bit as we drove around. We also visited the graves of my mom's mom, my brother-in-law, a couple of my mom's aunts and uncles, and some of my grandmother's other ancestors...all in all, it was a nice way to end this edition of #smalltownlife.

Then we came home, I was supremely lazy for a couple of hours, and then I packed everything and loaded my car so I can get out of here early tomorrow. We ended the day with a delightful supper (bratwurst, fried potatoes, and baked beans). Then we played Ticket to Ride, and my mom won, which she was v. excited about (and I was excited for her, especially since it meant that [censored] didn't win). I ended the evening sorting through some boxes of old photos that Aunt Kathy had delivered - Uncle Mark had boxes and boxes of photos in his shed, and these were all related to our side of the family, so now they're here. [censored] and I transferred the photos (and possibly some hundred-year-old dust) into fresh boxes, and sorting through them more thoroughly will be a major project for an upcoming visit.

But that's the future - for now I really need to sleep so that I can be refreshed and ready to hit the road tomorrow. Goodnight!

so many problems, you can take your pick

Man, what a day.

I got up earlier than I have been because my dad's company was taking an online safety training for an upcoming job and I was tech support. [censored] and I have a strict division of tech support labor - [censored] supports wired tech and I support wireless. Since we determined the best way to run this training was to use my laptop to cast to a chromecast/tv, that made it a wireless problem. So I made coffee, set things up, and was generally around in case any problems happened. I probably had a better morning than the guys who had to sit through a safety training, but it was still an unusual way to spend my Friday morning.

I then spent the afternoon relaxing after such an onerous activity - and by that I mean I read Twitter obsessively, got sad/angry, took a nap, and then repeated that cycle. The news coming out of Minneapolis (and Louisville, and Georgia, and the many other places where black people are basically murdered by cops who can claim they were just doing their jobs and/or afraid, with no repercussions regardless of how clearly they're violating people's rights) is awful; we seem to be headed for another summer of 1968, this time in a pandemic, and with a political climate that is going to incite the worst behavior Americans can unleash on each other. So yeah, not feeling totally good right now, tbh.

But I rallied because we had some family photos scheduled for tonight. [censored] and I had arranged them as a Christmas present, so a photographer came out to take our photos. I think it went really well - the photographer was lovely and hilarious, and she caught some great moments, and the weather was totally perfect for an evening in my mom's flowers and my dad's rock formations. The photographer also spilled some hot gossip, which I'm always here for....so, all in all, it was a lovely evening and I'm super glad we did it.

After the photos wrapped up, Jess texted me asking for an impromptu family dinner, which I duly organized. Ritu had told us that a girl we went to college with had died suddenly (unclear why), and Jess had known the girl's mom pretty well through a strange twist of fate related to working in the same company, so it was a bit of a shock. So, Jess/John, Adit/Priyanka, Claudia/Sam, and Claudia's two-month-old joined a family dinner zoom - it was v. late in Iowa, but v. welcome that we can usually make an impromptu family dinner work whenever someone is feeling like a local minima.

So we chatted for ages, and it was v. lovely and left me feeling happy. And now I really need to sleep - goodnight!

left side brain

No blog tonight - I spent many hours working on taxes and other financial information (yes, I should have done this months ago, but it shouldn't surprise you to hear that as soon as the filing deadline was pushed back, I shoved the thought of taxes out of my mind). Tings are complicated since I have work income, writing income/expenses, and bought a house....and are further complicated because while I keep pretty good records overall, I certainly did not keep good records of my expenses. I know where all the info is and how to sort it, but going through a whole year's worth of receipts is tedious. This is the point where I always vow to do better next year, and this is also the point where I know I probably won't.

But now I need to sleep because I have to be up relatively early tomorrow - goodnight!

bubble up and cut right through

I had a lovely day in ye olde Iowa - it didn't rain, but I spent it being almost entirely unproductive because Aunt Kathy came down bearing several boxes of old family photos. She also gave me one of the best gifts I've ever received - a tshirt from 1984 from my town's annual celebration that happened to be Olympics themed. This is extremely on brand and I'm v. excited to wear it in the future.

So, after meditating this morning, making some coffee, and then showering, I spent the rest of the day hanging out with family. We ate lunch, then spent some time sorting through photos - many of them are of unknown people, and you can also have fun playing the "which twin is this?" game with photos of my granddad and Uncle Hobert. We eventually stopped, probably much earlier than we should have, and relocated outside to enjoy the nice weather and talk in the fresh air. The day ended with takeout from the local Mexican place, which was delish. Then Kathy went back north, and I retreated to my room to cut down trees in Animal Crossing and talk to [censored].

And now I need to sleep - goodnight!

sittin' downtown in a railway station

As I said yesterday, I'm sometimes criticized for not giving a rundown of our Ticket to Ride games, so I'll try to do better. I won tonight! Dad came in second, and [censored] was third; Mom came in fourth, unfortunately for her, but at least we all had the joy of being in each other's company while I won.

So since that was my only real accomplishment today, I'm going to relish it. The rest of the day was supremely lazy - I got up late, forced myself to shower before making coffee just to try to salvage my schedule, and succeeded at showering but failed at salvaging. I made some delicious avocado toast (with avocados I brought from Colorado), then tried to write/journal outside - but it started raining rather suddenly, and the rain was driven into the covered back porch, so that drove me inside.

I spent the rest of the day doing some more journaling, checking my turnip prices and building some roads in Animal Crossing, talking to [censored] about what we might have accomplished today (even though we didn't), etc. We also enjoyed a fine supper courtesy of my mother, who made cheeseburgers, fried potatoes, and california mix with cheese (I never bought california mix in California, but it's v. common here) before our Ticket to Ride game.

And now, after having talked some more with [censored], written some more in my journal, meditated (which really turned into a brief nap), etc., it's time for bed - goodnight!

am i anxious or just modern

[censored] is very upset whenever he [censored] at [censored] and I don't blog about it - so please let it be known that [censored] once again [censored tonight. Congrats [censored]!

The rest of the day was v. relaxing and v. uneventful. I accidentally slept until ten, so I am going to attempt to go to bed much earlier tonight so that I can be more productive (or at least engaged) tomorrow. I mostly spent the afternoon outside - it was warm, albeit windy, and it looked like the last stretch of decent weather for a couple of days. I helped my mom mulch (I did about five percent of the work but I'll take credit for more if anyone wants to give it to me), but I mostly just distracted her into sitting on the patio overlooking the fields and listening to the cacophony of birds and insects. At some point, [censored] and I drove into town to get our vehicles from where we'd left them in my dad's shop last night...and so of course it stormed tonight, but there wasn't any hail to total our cars. That trip to town meant that I got to see my dad's prized asparagus bed (which is wasted on me, since I dislike asparagus), and I also stopped in to see Gram and Granddad at the cemetery on the way back (spoiler: they're still dead, although grass still hasn't grown over Gram yet, so there's a chance she's coming and going).

We spent the evening eating supper (leftover pulled pork, potato salad, and a caesar salad) and then played a game of Ticket to Ride. I left my parents upstairs watching a western (Two Mules for Sister Sara, which looked somewhat entertaining), and now that I've taken care of some tings I think I'll meditate/journal/attempt to sleep early. Goodnight!

psycho killer, qu'est-ce que c'est

I had a v. lovely day in ye olde Iowa. I slept for nine hours, which I haven't achieved in awhile, and I also took a nap this afternoon, so perhaps I'll go back to Colorado at least somewhat rejuvenated (although I'm sure Nebraska will attempt to suck out my lifeforce on the way). When I woke up, I went upstairs and made coffee with the Philz beans I shipped here + the French press that lives here (yes, I have become insufferable; perhaps I'll try my aeropress tomorrow). Then I meditated, bought some turnips in Animal Crossing, showered, etc.

I spent most of the afternoon hanging out on the patio - it was windy but warm enough, and my dad was monitoring his meat smoker while my mom was weeding her garden. So I sat outside and surveyed the fields and listened to my dad tell me about the life and times of a man named Burtis, who used to bathe twice a year (within thirty days of each other, since he only bathed for the county and state fairs) and died sometime around when I was born.

At some point, I went inside to read because it was too windy to read outside, but I fell asleep instead. I woke up as the weather worsened, and [censored] and I made a mad dash to town to put our vehicles in my dad's shop just in case there was hail (there was not, but I got to ride home in a truck that is nearly twenty years old and bathes about as often as Burtis did, so that was exciting). When we got home, we ate supper - my dad's pulled pork turned out amazingly well, and it was perfect with my mom's leftover potato salad (always better the next day) and five cup salad (which looks like a jello salad, but doesn't have jello in it). We also tried some peach whiskey from an Iowa distillery that [censored] had stocked up on, and it was excellent. Vacations with pulled pork and peach whiskey are still vacations, even if they are in lockdown.

Then [censored] and I watched a couple of comedy specials, and now I've stayed up way too late, so it's time for bed. Goodnight!

deja vu

No blog tonight...I have returned to the land of my ancestors after driving 10.5hrs (and eating a cooler full of sandwiches, drinking multiple coke zeros, and stopping only for gas/bathrooms/reapplication of hand sanitizer). It took some time to get on the road this morning, but I left my house in good shape and the drive was v uneventful (Nebraska's state motto is "v uneventful").

So now I'm going to go to bed and hope that I can be moderately productive tomorrow - goodnight!

'cause i just couldn't open up, i'm always shifting

It's day seventy-something at home, but that changes tomorrow - I'm leaving in the morning for ye olde Iowa. I'm driving instead of flying, which means I need to get on the road in the morning - but since I have not been getting up particularly early, I'm also not going to force myself out of bed and then risk falling asleep on the road. But my suitcase and most of my belongings are packed, so it shouldn't be too hard to get out in the morning. Of course, I say that now - the pre-departure to-do list, though, has more things on it than I would like to do in the morning.

But that's tomorrow's problem - right now, I need to think about going to bed. Goodnight!

so you pulled my heart out and i don't mind bleeding

I need to get off screens immediately, since I just worked for the last two hours. Today was great, though - I did some meditating and journaling before work, and then I slogged steadily all morning. I took a break in the afternoon to drive to Boulder and pick up a bunch of boxes of something for work - because the office is closed, UPS can't deliver, and some swag my team had ordered for our next event was stuck in the UPS office. I had the biggest car of the team based in Boulder, so I went to do the pick up - and the boxes barely fit in my SUV, so I'd say it's a good thing I didn't delegate to the guy with the sedan.

Then I came home and slogged the rest of the afternoon. Sometime around five I was done for awhile, so I placed the most embarrassing Instacart delivery order ever - I usually shop at Whole Foods or other similarly organic/pretentious stores, but I can't get Doritos or Coke Zero or salsa con queso or other fine snack delicacies at those stores. I'm driving to Iowa on Friday and will need snacks/drinks for the road, so I ordered a bunch of garbage from Instacart. This was the right call; my shame will be gone forever when I open a bag of Fritos somewhere around North Platte.

I also ordered thai food for dinner, and then I settled in for a long video chat with Veronica. We talked of all manner of things while I drank red wine, and it was as delightful as always. When we hung up, I ate dinner, messed around the house for a little bit, and then did a couple of hours of work. And now, with all of that wrapped up, it's time for bed - goodnight!

fake friends, real problems

My feet are peeling dramatically (see: my blog post from Saturday, in which I appear to have given myself a chemical burn while trying to remove the effects of several months barefoot sans pedicures). I guess peels really are just chemical burns, so I should have expected this - but next time (because of course there will be a next time if the overall results are good, since I'm too vain) I will try not to leave the acid on the tops of my feet and my ankles for so long. The tops of my feet look truly wretched - my Puritan ancestors almost certainly would have exiled me for my vanity, but if they hadn't, they would have tossed me out for what appears to be leprosy on my feet.

All that said, I believe the survival rate for this kind of vanity-induced injury is pretty high, so I should be fine in a few days. Beyond that, I have nothing of interest to report. Today was the usual - meditation/journaling before work, slogging all day, and then done at five so that I could do other tings. This mostly involved running to the post office to drop off some returns, then making the accountrements for a burrito bowl (I thawed out some carnitas from the freezer and made spanish rice and black beans). I also tidied up around the house and wrote a packing list for Iowa (it's been 71 days since lockdown started and almost 80 days since I last traveled someplace, so I've almost forgotten how to write a packing list). And now I'm going to read or journal for a bit to unwind before bed - goodnight!

to seeking, to finding

I am drunk on words, and it feels like it used to feel all the time, when I slipped through my teens among the pages of novels. My childhood sometimes feels like a story that happened to someone else; the real story was what I read in books. I can name old characters with more clarity than I can name old neighbors (except for the ones named Clell, because that name is too much like a story to forget). But as I grew up, the real world took precedence; the story world was something I dared not enter for too long, other than to write my own, because if left to my own devices I will let books devour me.

But I've been reading a lot the past week or so, slipping back into stories, perhaps finally so bored with quarantine that I've been forcibly brought back to something I used to love to lose myself in. I don't let myself read that often mostly because I can't stop once I start; the most I've read over the last few years was on plane rides, and those rides usually meant no sleep and a gritty-eyed viewing of whatever country I'd landed in, strung out on story and exhaustion and whatever wine they served on the plane.

Tonight, in my house for the seventieth day in a row, I finished THE STARLESS SEA. I loved it; a lot of people would not, but I like allegory and metaphor and overly-wrought symbolism, and the language was luscious regardless of how you feel about the plot. It's something I would consider reading again, just to see how she pieced it together; it's not something I would recommend without knowing the tastes of the person I was recommending it to. I read for hours tonight, as soon as I'd finished eating some leftover lasagna, first by sitting on my patio until the sun set, and then curled up in my chair with the spice of a moscow mule and a bit of breeze coming in through the patio door. And I should probably go to bed, since I have to work tomorrow...and I am no longer a teenager, and even though that past is indistinct, I know that I can't stay up until dawn like I did then and hope to function tomorrow.

Today was day seventy. Ten weeks ago tonight, I had a final decadent dinner out, with Katie, at El Five, watching the glimmering lights of downtown Denver while eating paella and drinking wine and speculating about what would happen next. The answer has not been kind; but the answer is not finished. We may only be at the beginning of this story - or we're at the end of it, and a new story is about to start.

But these are all ruminations for my journal, which is a much scarier, wilder place than the blog....and these ruminations are also for tomorrow, when I've had some sleep. Goodnight!

i don't remember your face, or your hair, or your name, or your smile

The quarantine Sunday Scaries were pretty absent today, until approximately five minutes ago, when I realized this is the end of Week 10 in isolation. But let's focus on the rest of the day, shall we? I let myself sleep until nine, which was great since I haven't gotten eight hours of sleep in awhile. I'm usually a champion sleeper, and I'm still not having any trouble falling asleep - but I'm tending to wake up too early, and also tending to go to bed too late. So, getting a lot of sleep last night was probably what I needed to avoid the Sunday Scaries, even if I still felt exhausted this evening.

sssanyway. I got up, made some coffee, meditated, and bought some turnips in Animal Crossing (this can only be done on Sunday mornings before noon, and you have to buy turnips to play the Stalk Market...don't ask, it's a thing). Then I talked to Jen, Joann, and Jane (the friendship renewal crew). They were supposed to be in Colorado this weekend, and we were supposed to be up in Glenwood Springs enjoying an old west spa experience....but instead we dialed in from our respective homes without a single hot spring in sight. Sigh.

After that, I made myself a decadent egg sandwich that was oozing with cheddar. I should have hopped on a call with some of my writer friends, but I decided to skip it - I've noticed that I tend to have worse weekend days when I spend multiple hours on video chats, probably because I spend all week on video chats and need the occasional break from performing for the screen. Instead, I spent the afternoon puttering around outside - I turned on my sprinkler system for the first time since last fall, and I pruned some wayward branches, and I cleaned off my patio and generally tidied things up. Then I poured myself a coke zero, sat on my outdoor couch, and called my parents. They were in fine form, which is good - unless something unexpected happens I'm planning to drive to Iowa at the end of the week, so we'll get some quality time together then.

After that, I cooked some zucchini lasagna (not onerous - I had frozen a premade batch last month, so cooking it just required thawing it, throwing it in the oven, and at some point adding some mozzarella on top). I also packed up a bunch of returns to take to the post office, since I've been letting my online orders pile up. I texted with [censored] and Drewbaby, mostly about nothing, but some about the Dnieper River (as one does). And I folded / took care of the three loads of laundry I did today, tidied up around the house, and wrote a blog post on zee romance blog about the fish tacos I made the other day.

And now, after accomplishing all of that, and hopefully stepping back from the edge of the abyss that opened up in front of me when I realized this was the end of week ten, I need to go to bed. Goodnight!

pushin' past the limit, trippin' on hallucinogenics

I had a day full of stories and housework, which was pretty much what I wanted. I got out of bed later than planned, made a perfect pot of coffee, sat on my couch intending to meditate and then get on with my day....and instead reread the best bits of DEVIL'S BRIDE, which was one of my favorite historical romances many years ago. I've been on a rereading binge lately, which is reminding me of my love of books and stories, and yet is also insanely comforting because I know some of these books almost by heart and yet somehow always realize something new with the rereading.

After that, it was suddenly almost noon. So I showered and put some self-tanning lotion on my legs because they may never see sun (which makes no difference since they will also never see humans, but I'm vain for my own sake, not for others). I also put some extra non-tanning lotion on my feet - the peel I did last night will likely result in good things for the soles of my feet, but I think I maybe gave the tops of my feet a chemical burn that they didn't need. In fact, I would guarantee that's what I did, since they look and feel sunburned. Again, no one will see them, but that's slightly more annoying to me since I can feel the burn and it's not entirely pleasant. But I repainted my toenails tonight, so hopefully the burn heals and all the dead skin peels off and it will all be worth it.

Then I ate the last of my leftover fish tacos, washed my bedsheets, did some tings around the house, and then called [censored] (happy birthday, [censored!]). I sat outside while I talked to [censored], which felt nice. Then I finally put my dining room back together - it had been messy awhile since I was using it as a staging ground for packages that come into the house so that they can quarantine for a couple of days. But I want to be able to eat/work at my dining table, and I'd also gotten a new rug for the dining room - I think part of the reason I didn't love sitting in there was that it was too echoey with wood and nothing else, so the rug should help. So I laboriously moved all the furniture out, laid out the rug pad and rug, and put all the furniture back. It looks great now - the only thing left to do is hang the photos that I've intended to hang for months. We'll see whether I get to that project before lockdown ends; I'd say odds are 50/50.

I then spent the rest of the evening eating leftover pasta, writing for awhile (I had an idea for a series that sparked my imagination in the morning and maybe fell into ashes in the evening, but I'm going to keep exploring it because there may be something there), and then reading. I started THE STARLESS SEA by Erin Morgenstern - I'm about 15-20% in, and I'm enjoying it so far, in that sort of despairing way where I am loving the book but also wishing I had written it. We'll see if that feeling continues. But for now it's time to sleep - goodnight!

unfair we're not somewhere misbehaving for days

I had a good day, all in all - I got up in time to have a lovely bit of silence with my coffee, meditation, and a bit of journaling, and then I slogged all day. The slogging was pretty productive, so I paused for a happy hour and then didn't unpause. The first happy hour was with my friend Nicole and we talked about work most of the time, so I'm counting it as work - but I was drinking a moscow mule, so it didn't feel too onerous.

Then I sent a few more emails, logged off for the day, and had a video chat with Terry and Lauren (aka Subz). We were overdue for a catch-up, so I'm glad we made it happen. It seems that a lot of people are hitting local minimas these days, as it continues to be reinforced how not-normal life is going to be for a long time. So, all we can do is band together and have ridiculous video chats and dream of other, better days.

As soon as we hung up, while the phone was still in my hand, Chandlord called me. She was going for a walk and talking while she walked, so I went outside and walked around my block multiple times while we chatted. I only walked around the block because it looked like it might storm - and that proved accurate. We talked for awhile, and I made the best jhoke of my life, thus hitting a global maxima that will never be repeated. Then I came inside, ate some takeout sushi, and as I was eating takeout sushi it began to hail.

Things got a wee bit dramatic then - I put on a foot mask (wrapping acid around my feet to dissolve the dead skin that has accumulated after several months barefoot without pedicures), which meant that my feet were wrapped in slippery plastic and covered with socks to hold them on. But then it started to thunder/lightning quite intensely. And in the middle of that, something (smoke alarm? CO alarm?) started chirping upstairs. I assumed it was the smoke alarm, and it was in a place in the hallway where the chirp reverberated enough that it was hard to tell exactly where it was coming from. So I went to the basement (in my plastic-encased feet), got my ladder and some 9V batteries, dragged the ladder up two flights of stairs, put a new battery in, and realized it was still chirping. Then I discovered the battery was expired. So I went back down and got fresh batteries and tried again. That ended that bit of chirping, which I may have caused by putting in an expired battery...because then I realized it was the CO alarm that was plugged into the wall.

So I had to get another battery, but changing that battery fixed the problem. Still, standing on a ladder with slippery feet, precariously near my stairwell, with thunder/lightning outside was more excitement than I wanted for the night. So now, after having caught up on Animal Crossing and done some various tings around the house, it's time to unwind for the night - goodnight!

i go crazy 'cause here isn't where i wanna be

I had a good day that probably should have been a bad day....after I blogged last night, I picked up an old favorite romance (Johanna Lindsey, of course) and the next thing I knew it was two a.m. That's really ill-advised in the middle of the work week. Luckily my first meeting wasn't until eleven, so I slept until 8:30 and still had time to meditate, journal, and shower before doing some work. I decided to wear a dress today because why not, and it seemed to kick my productivity into gear.

So, I basically spent the whole day doing day job stuff. I took a break at lunch to reheat last night's fish and construct some fish tacos. And I took a break in the evening to make dinner - I made spaghetti carbonara (which is super easy - just cook some bacon, then toss some spaghetti with the bacon, parmesan, egg whites, and egg yolks). At that point I would have typically called it quits for the day, but I spent the last three hours getting caught up on work email, which had turned into a bit of an embarrassment and is now no longer an embarrassment.

Now, though, after a day that was boring on the surface but still felt satisfying, it's time for bed - goodnight!

you could show a little grace, but maybe things just went a bit too far

My morning mostly began by getting up slightly too late after going to bed slightly too late, and then getting the usual text from Adit (taunting me for twenty years of life choices, which I prefer to believe is his love language). Oddly enough, that seemed to be a recipe for success - I was pretty happy with work today. I also took a break at lunch to prep a couple of accoutrements for tonight's dinner - I made baja fish tacos, which Aunt B made for me once and I've repeated a few times. The fish tacos require prepping some pickled red onions and also some cabbage slaw, as well as a fancier version of sour cream, so I made all of that at lunchtime.

Then I slogged the rest of the day before finishing making supper - the fish was easy to marinate and cook, and the tacos turned out super well. I had a margarita to go with them, which was also a delight. And then I pretty much wasted the rest of the evening - no regrets, and I chatted with some friends, but I certainly could have done more than I did.

But that's a problem for tomorrow - right now it's time to sleep. Goodnight!

the workers are going home

I just worked for a couple of hours, so I need to unwind and go to bed. Today was good overall - I emerged from my local minima, possibly because it was sunny and possibly because I got a new bar cabinet delivered. I also slogged all day, but I took a walk in the afternoon, and I made perfect tuna salad for lunch. And I took a long evening break, which involved raking up more catalpa pods, eating leftovers, and playing animal crossing.

And now, even though I am wide awake and have many thoughts, I should attempt to go to sleep - goodnight!

radioactive

No blog tonight - I had a very blah day, probably because I didn't get enough sleep and it was raining. I did make a tasty dinner and read most of the evening, but now I should go to bed and plan to get something accomplished tomorrow. Goodnight!

it took a lifespan with no cellmate

Gotta go to bed immediately - it's after midnight and I had planned to be in bed two hours ago. Today was better than yesterday, though, mostly because I started by getting eight hours of sleep. I took care of some tings around the house this morning, ate some leftover muffins, made avocado toast for lunch, did some laundry, trimmed my bangs, took a full shower (full shower = washed my hair and shaved my legs, so fancy), bought some turnips in Animal Crossing, etc., etc. I also ran an errand to Crate and Barrel to get curbside pickup for my new coffee grinder, which is quarantining in its bag for a day or two before I pull it out.

Then I came home, cleaned up my back patio, and called my mom (Happy Mother's Day!). It wasn't a particularly happy day, it sounds like, since the weather wasn't conducive for gardening and the world is on fire, but it was nice to talk to her. Then I talked to my dad, and then I spent some quality time making supper. I made a perfectly cooked ribeye, and I also made blistered green beans and reheated a twice baked potato, so it was all v. delicious.

Then I talked to [censored] for a bit. And then I had an impromptu family dinner that lasted a couple of hours - I had texted the family asking who had ended up in a local minima this week, and that turned into a zoom call to discuss:

- Chandlord and I are definitely in local minimas, although hers is worse than mine. Mine is just the slowly simmering dread and angst over the knowledge that I'll probably be working from home the rest of the year. Chandlord's is somewhat work-related, with the added possibility that she's been exposed to the 'rona.
- Ritu seemed to be fine, although her child was full of cake and still awake. But I accidentally called her a non-essential employee, so our friendship is probably over.
- John and Jess joined and John said his local minima was last week; Jess hasn't had a local minima in four years.
- Adit added Chris Boyd, whom none of us had seen in forever; Chris claimed to be fine, but the story he told right at the end indicated that he may only be 'not in a local minima' because he hasn't hit bottom yet.
- Adit and Priyanka are dealing with the horror of having two small children at home, one of whom is a loser who can't play basketball. So they may have it the worst of all.


And now it's 12:30am and I have to work in the morning, so I should really really go to bed. Goodnight!

but don't just sit with folded hands and become blind

Today was the laziest day I've had in recent memory, and I have no regrets. As you can tell from my blog last night, I went to bed at 2am due to a long-overdue binge reading session - and felt strangely virtuous about going to bed without finishing the book (I prob had 30min to go) because I used to stay up until dawn reading. But then at 5:30 I woke up due to some fairly horrible cramps, which rendered me unable to sleep but unable to do much of anything else. So I finished my book, laid in bed, took a ton of ibuprofen, drank a Sprite because I felt nauseated, and eventually dozed again from about eight to ten.

Needless to say, this did not set my day up for success. In fact, I never got out of pajamas, although I have changed into different pajamas, so I guess that's a win. But I did drag myself downstairs around eleven for v. late coffee, and then I made blueberry muffins. That was an odd task, since I don't eat a lot of sweets or do a ton of baking, but I think I was missing being able to go to a coffee shop and linger over a coffee (made by someone else) and a pastry. I used a gluten free King Arthur mix and some dried blueberries that I'd bought at Costco awhile ago; the mix was slightly too sweet and artificial tasting, but the blueberries were great and the muffins hit the spot. But they were going to take too long to bake, so I made an omelette to eat while I waited.

And that was pretty much the extent of my accomplishments. I carried my laundry downstairs but didn't do it; I read the box for a foot peel but didn't use it; I meditated at 7pm to keep my streak alive but haven't journaled. I also canceled on both my virtual happy hours, which was the right call given that I didn't want to day drink or put on clothes.

But I did play some Animal Crossing, take a nap, chat with a few friends via text, and eat some leftover risotto and scallops. And I researched new coffee grinders, which was a fun task (mine is still mostly functional, but I lost the little plastic piece that goes between the grinder and the collection chamber, and so I have to hold the chamber in place with a paper towel so it doesn't shoot ground coffee everywhere while it grinds. Since I lost that piece three years ago, and I use the grinder basically daily, this has been a long time to put up with such nonsense). And I don't mind that I was lazy today, but I plan to be slightly more productive tomorrow. Goodnight!

hold me fast, hold me fast, cause i'm a hopeless wanderer

No blog tonight - it's almost two am and I stayed up binge reading an old romance novel (THE BRIDE by Julie Garwood, which is a classic of the genre). I didn't quite finish, but I decided sleep was important since I never get quite enough these days (and now won't tonight either). Goodnight!

i'm faded

I'm sleepy. Today was fine, but it involved more meetings than I wanted to have - but since I wanted to have zero meetings, any number of meetings was going to feel like too many. However, I slogged pretty steadily from nine until five, and then I snuck out to run to Whole Foods and stock up before the weekend. Dairy and eggs are back, and I got antibac kitchen spray for the first time since before quarantine, and most other things were available - but Cinco de Mayo cleared out limes and cilantro, and the continued disaster unfolding in the slaughterhouses meant that a lot of the meat was gone. Luckily I didn't really need meat (although I opportunistically bought some chicken legs, and I also bought some lunch meat, and also some scallops (which maybe don't count)), so I left feeling in pretty good shape.

Then I came home, put my groceries away, and reheated some carnitas and rice/beans for a carnitas bowl. Then I talked to Riturani for quite awhile - she was in fine form, and her daughter sang some songs to me, and it was all v. lovely. I could have kept talking all night...but instead I think it's time for bed. Goodnight!

the rumpus and ruckus are comfortable now

Day fifty-something. Today was more onerous than usual because I had a meeting straight from 9am to 2pm, which made nutrition and waste elimination difficult (editor's note: I sound like I'm on a fucking mission to Mars, not a five hour conference call). But I meditated/journaled this morning, and I also had some peanut butter toast and a whole lot of coffee to kick things off. And I had leftover potatoes/chard (the last of the batch) with some freshly poached eggs for a belated lunch, so I'll take it. And I spent one of our fifteen-minute breaks taking a walk around a couple of blocks, so it most certainly could have been worse.

After that meeting, I took a brief break (for the aforementioned eggs), then worked until five. I had intended to work tonight, but it didn't quite happen; instead, I took care of a bunch of personal stuff, ate Thai takeout (#worthit), watered my lawn, drank some wine, wrote on my other blog, and played some Animal Crossing. Sometime in there Chandlord called me via Duo (one of Google's many chat/video apps), and I was so surprised to hear a ringtone I'd never heard before that I actually picked up my phone and answered it. So we talked for over an hour, and it was a delight to see her face even if the purpose of seeing her face was to welcome her into the deep pit of despair that most of the rest of us have been in for awhile.

We finally hung up a bit before eleven my time, and now that I've prepped tomorrow's coffee and finished this post, it's time for bed. And btw, the buried lede about my 'other blog' is not the same as this one - I restarted the blog on my writing website to post recipes that I've been posting to Instagram. Fun times in quarantine, amirite? Goodnight!

where you can seem as old as your omens

I'm pretty sleepy, so I think it's time for bed. Today was good, though - I meditated/journaled before work, then had a bunch of meetings and got some good tasks checked off my to-do list. At some point I also pulled a bagel from the freezer, toasted it, and slathered it in cream cheese with salmon on top, so that was pretty satisfying.

Eventually, I had to stop working, but I did a bunch of personal stuff tonight - mostly tidying up my dining room and guest room, which have turned into storage warzones. The guest room still needs some work (mostly dragging things down to the basement so that the closet is more usable), but it's all much better than it was. I also crisped up some carnitas, made fresh guac, and ate a carnitas burrito bowl for dinner - my eye has almost completely healed from the burn caused by the carnitas on Sunday night, so this feels like an acceptable trade since the carnitas are delicious. And I had a margarita, but I limited myself to one, which is a real sacrifice in these troubled times.

The only other thing I'll share is that my favorite SF restaurant (aka Caffe Union) posted a gofundme today to try to cover some of their costs and stay afloat. Tony is the owner and he's a wonderful human, and he also saw me more than just about anyone other than Terry (and maybe the folks at Des Amis) back when I lived in the Marina. I'm not saying you should donate to Caffe Union, since it's my favorite restaurant and not yours - but if you can do something to help some local business stay afloat, please think about who you want to support and throw something their way if you can.

And with that, it's time for bed - goodnight!

as you spin that wool and pull it down

Nothing of interest to report today, other than that I took myself on a fun carousel ride of sugar craving / salt craving. That mostly meant I had a chocolate chip chewy for breakfast (have I mentioned there are no rules anymore?), then another chewy to rebound from my 1:1 with my boss. I did try to claw my way back out by poaching a couple of eggs to eat over leftover potatoes/chard for lunch, and they were really delicious - but sometime in the afternoon, I had another chewy, which I absolutely had to follow with Tostitos and queso. I've now frozen almost all of the remaining chewies, since the only way I can be trusted with them is if they're in the freezer ready to be doled out. But #noregrets on this - it's one of my favorite recipes, and I'm happy that I indulged in them the last couple of days.

I also slogged all day, but when I was done I was done. So I called [censored] and we talked for three hours, which was delightful. Then I reheated some v. late carnitas, and ate them with the last of yesterday's leftover guac. And now I really need to sleep - goodnight!

in a screaming ring of faces i seen her standing in the light

Feeding myself two meals a day is really quite an accomplishment. Yes, I realize this is how the vast majority of the world lives (or at least the vast majority of the female world) - but I'm accustomed to my employer feeding me breakfast/lunch, and to traveling / eating out quite a bit. In the beforetimes, I might have fed myself a couple of times a week, which mostly turned into peanut butter toast, toast and eggs, avocado toast, tuna on toast....toast, mostly. But now, even if I skip breakfast or eat yogurt/granola for it, the rest of the day requires some planning ahead, a lot of cooking, and an absurd number of dishwasher loads for one person.

Perhaps I'm reconsidering all this cooking because I burned my eyelid tonight. It's really not as bad as it could have been - it hurts a tiny bit, but at least I closed my eye in time and just hit the flesh with a hot spatter of grease instead of getting it in my actual eye. Still, it seemed like insult + injury after putting together a somewhat elaborate meal that required multiple pans.

That meal was a carnitas bowl, which did turn out really well - the carnitas experiment will continue, because I think that the results of slow cooking for eleven hours yesterday weren't really any better than the previous recipe I tried, which only required 90min of pressure cooking. But these are v. tasty, and now I have four servings in the freezer and three in the fridge for other days this week. Shredding the pork took awhile, and then I had to get cranking on the rest of dinner - I made rice, black beans with shallots, and some fresh guacamole, all of which was great. I also seared the carnitas (see: grease explosion into my eye), and it was all delightful.

The rest of my day was good as well - I meditated, journaled, showered, ate some leftover potato/chard mix with poached eggs (which I poached), talked to my parents, picked up a curbside delivery order, tidied up my house, did some major reorganizing in my garage, etc. And now, I'm falling asleep while I'm typing, which is always a good sign that it's time for bed - goodnight!

getting crazy on the waltzers but it's the life that i choose

I was v. hermity today and I spent most of it in the kitchen - I probably should have done some other work, but instead I cooked a ton. I started by putting carnitas in the slow cooker - I'm not sure if this was the best approach, since after ten hours they didn't seem tender enough, and so I slow cooked another hour and then ended up pressure cooking for 18mins. Of course, that meant I couldn't have carnitas for dinner, so I had a v. boring turkey sandwich with a v. nice wine because why not.

While the carnitas were cooking, I made a much more successful brunch - a tomatoey, stew-like thing with red potatoes, onions, and swiss chard. I put a couple of poached eggs on top of it and it was all pretty perfect. At some point this evening I also made chocolate chip chewies - again, because why not.

Beyond the cooking, the rest of the day was uneventful. I talked to Katrina a bit, and I also talked to Jen/Joann/Jane. I played some Animal Crossing; I meditated; I did the usual endless round of dishes. And now, I think I'm going to shred up the carnitas (they had to cool a bit) and go to bed - goodnight!

i put my hand upon the lever, said let it rock and let it roll

I took today off and it was glorious. Taking it off didn't mean that I was unproductive - I still got up, meditated, and journaled as per usual. But then I spent approximately five hours, off and on, cleaning up my yard for the next growing season. This involved deadheading a bunch of stuff and hoping it all comes back to life as the weather continues to improve. I also had to rake up a bazillion more catalpa pods from my neighbors' tree, which was not so fun. And I spread eight bags of mulch, which was almost but not quite enough - but the front yard looks much, much better than it did.

Then I showered (leisuely) and had a quick video call with Heather (aka dear respected madam). And then I took a risk and went over to Katie's for dinner - we got takeout cocktails and food from Ash'Kara, and the to-go cocktails were excellent for reminiscing and generally catching up. Then I came home, and now I am going to go to bed before this post turns into total gibberish - goodnight!