it's some kind of sin to live your whole life on what might have been

I had a long work day - I had my first meeting at 8:45, and then was in meetings pretty much straight until five. I also did two hours of work just now. I guess that's better than many other days I've spent in the office, but as the day before the last day before a four-day weekend, it felt too onerous.

However, I did get a bunch of stuff done around the house this evening. I also talked to [censored], Katie, and my parents, so at least I got some decompression in. And now I'm going to unwind just a bit more and go to bed - goodnight!

what kind of words would cut through the clutter of the whirlwind of these days

Today felt a bit off - I barely had any meetings because a lot of people are on vacation, and as is usually true of days without a lot of meetings, I found it hard to focus in my downtime. But I still meditated/journaled before work, and I got a decent amount of stuff done (mostly because I forced myself to stay at my desk until after six to make up for the nap I took at one). I also did a couple of loads of laundry, which is one nice thing about working from home. Another nice thing is that I spent a couple of hours working while sitting on my couch outside - I really need to get quotes for installing a firepit, since I have a feeling that extending my socially distanced outdoor time as much as possible this fall/winter will be key to my happiness.

I didn't have to cook tonight, since I had leftover beef and broccoli for lunch and leftover fish tacos for dinner. The beef and broccoli is particularly good - so good that I blogged about it on my romance blog. After I ate supper, I took care of a few tings, then walked a few blocks over to a polling place to drop off my ballot for the Colorado state primary. It's unclear to me why the primary for Senate and other local races is a different date than the primary for president - perhaps someday I'll get involved enough in Colorado politics to care, but today is not that day. It was a nice walk, since the sun had just set and so it wasn't quite as blistering hot as it was when I'd considered making the walk earlier in the day. Then, when I got home, I spent the last three hours doing a variety of tings, many of which were not all that important (but better than reading twitter).

And now I need to sleep - I have way more meetings tomorrow, oddly, and then I need to start thinking about prepping for Iowa. Goodnight!

and now my body fades behind a brass charade

I had a lovely day...so lovely that I'm exhausted and almost forgot to blog because I need to go to bed immediately. I got up relatively early for a weekend (but normal hours for a weekday) and spent the morning taking care of tings to prepare for going to ye olde Iowa later this week. I also walked down to the farmer's market, where I got a steak for tonight and some barbecue sauce for later.

The main excitement of the morning/afternoon, though, was dealing with wildlife - specifically, the adult and fledgling robins who had somehow trapped themselves in my basement egress window well. The adult could fly and was rather desperately trying to get out of the grate; the fledgling couldn't fly and was just sitting around waiting to be rescued. Because the adult was flying around, I couldn't open the window downstairs, which meant I couldn't unlock the grate (it locks from the inside to prevent breakins, obvi). So, off and on throughout the morning, I created some increasingly-elaborate perches and ramps in an attempt to get the adult to leave. Finally, a combination of a hanger and a paint stirring stick duct taped to the grate made it happen, and I was able to cover the grate with some cardboard to prevent the adult from coming back.

Right as that excitement happened, Katie came over - and so we spent some quality time in my backyard, drinking iced tea and discussing a wide variety of topics. Our ships are crossing in the night (and by 'night' I mean 'Nebraska') this summer, since she recently got back from Iowa and I'm about to go again - so it was nice to have some quality time with her just the two of us. Before she left, she gave me some moral support in getting the fledgling out of the window well - I ended up putting on gloves, throwing a tea towel over it, and carrying it outside. Hopefully the bird survives, but if it doesn't, at least it isn't doomed to die in my basement.

After that v. exciting task, Katie left and I called my parents - they were in fine form, and I'll see them in a few days. Then I made supper - I tried a new recipe for beef and broccoli, and it was really awesome. I'd ordered a new Chinese cookbook ("Double Awesome", which is from a Chinese restaurant in Boston), and this was the first recipe I tried from it - so far so good, since this was a winner. Unlike soupy/overcooked beef and broccoli, this one was great because you roast the broccoli separately, and you also marinate a flank steak and cook it rare/medium rare, only combining the ingredients with a sauce when the steak and broccoli are perfectly cooked on their own. It was seriously delicious, and now I just want more.

After eating, I talked to Veronica for awhile - we were v. overdue for a catch-up, and it was great to see her face. Then, after a v. reinvigorating conversation, I cleaned the kitchen, folded laundry, and took care of some tings around the house. And now, I really need to sleep if I'm going to be productive tomorrow - goodnight!

i don't do fake love

I'm falling asleep on my couch, so I'm going to keep this quick. I was pretty slow-moving all day, but I managed to get groceries, which was an achievement. I also had remote hangouts with several people, so the afternoon was mostly spent engaging in social endeavors.

I spent the evening doing more of the same, although I also cooked (fish tacos!) and talked to [censored]. And now I must sleep - goodnight!

grab all of my money, guitar, and a jacket

I had a decent day - I woke up in a bit of a weird mood for the first time in awhile, but I meditated and journaled my way out of it. Then I worked all day, including several hours of meetings (of course).

But I ended the work day with a video chat with Heather (aka dear respected madam), and then I had Kristen over for dinner. We were supposed to socially distance outside, but instead it started hailing right as she got here. So instead we had an adventure trying to fit her car in my garage with mine - we actually succeeded despite the boxes along the wall of my garage, but she had to climb out through her backseat, and by the time we got this done it had stopped hailing. Lol. But now I know I can fit two small SUVs in a pinch, especially if I had done a better job of parking my own car beforehand.

So, because of the rain we couldn't sit outside, but we stayed 6+ feet apart inside basically the whole time, so I'm optimistic. She's been about as isolated as I've been, since she's getting ready to move back to California (which is why we tried for a happy hour despite the rain, since I'm leaving for Iowa next week and then who knows how long it will be before I get to go to California again). We drank aperol spritzes and ordered pizza from Blue Pan, and it was delightful. Of course, I'm sure I'll freak out and decide she gave me the 'rona in a few days, but hopefully I'll get over that panic quickly.

And now I really need to sleep - goodnight!

don't take it personal

I had kind of a long slog at work today - emotions were weirdly running high in several meetings I was in, and I was ill-prepared to deal with it. But otherwise everything was generally good, and I slacked off at five to go over to Katie's. We had a socially distanced dinner in the backyard - nothing is entirely without risk, but we sat apart and I didn't go into her house, so hopefully I don't have to pay any coronavirus wages for my sins. Speaking of wages of sins, which is a v. biblical concept, tonight we discovered that Katie takes her kids to mass and church classes regularly, and yet I am the only one of the two of us who has read the whole bible (thanks Ukraine, where I did not have nearly enough reading material).

sssanyway, we had a lovely dinner and a great time catching up in between our respective trips to Iowa - it seems like we'll be crisscrossing I-80 in alternating time periods this summer. Then I came home and finished André Leon Talley's biography (THE CHIFFON TRENCHES), which I loved. And now it's time for bed - goodnight!

i think that i wanna be more than friends

I should have gone to bed an hour ago, but I got sucked into the book I was reading. Today was fine, all in all, although it's 12:15 and I just realized that I didn't meditate, which means I broke my 70+ day streak. Oh well. I didn't buy Animal Crossing turnips this week either, so maybe real life is coming back! (spoiler: it's not coming back).

sssanyway. I did get up in time to journal before showering and working, so that was good. And I got a lot of work stuff done today, and when I ended at 5:30 I was able to be done done, which was even better. Then I had a video chat with Irish Matt - he was in fine form, and we reminisced about how we saw each other in January and were planning for much, much different years than what we've actually had. After that, I did some stuff around the house, reheated some tamales that I'd bought at the farmers market (they're v. tasty!), messed around with my planner, etc. And I ended the night by reading some more of André Leon Talley's memoir - I'm almost done and I really just want to stay up and finish, but I have a meeting at nine and so I should probably be good. Goodnight!

stacking up my house of cards

I worked too much today - I had a meeting starting at nine, and then I worked until 5:30ish. Then I ran an errand, talked to my parents, took care of some house chores, and reheated some pulled pork and potatoes for supper. Then, unfortunately, I just worked for another two hours. But I did meditate / journal / write this morning before work, so I'll take it.

And now I'm going to read for a bit and go to bed - goodnight!

the simulation just went bad but you're the best i ever had

I was somewhat unenthused about work today, but it's been worse before and it really wasn't all that bad. I did my usual coffee / meditate / journal routine, and then I worked for ninety minutes or so before bothering to shower since I was writing emails instead of participating in meetings. Then I got ready fairly quickly and got down to business, and had a decently productive day overall - so I guess I'll take it.

I took a break around five to talk to [censored], and then I ate some pulled pork and potatoes before sitting on my back patio and doing another hour of work. But I wrapped up by 8:15 so that I could chat with a couple of my California writer friends - it was nice to have a small group since the big zooms are way too difficult to handle. Barbara and Anne were in fine form, and Grace joined us a bit later, and it was so nice to see their faces even if it was just a reminder that I can't actually be in the same room with them.

And now, I think I'm going to try to go to bed early - goodnight!

i will never be satisfied

I had a v. lazy day but it was exactly what I wanted. I got up and spent some time puttering around the house with coffee before taking a shower and walking down to the farmer's market. I don't quite know what I'll make this week, but I got some chard and some baby beets, and also some cucumbers and some heirloom cherry tomatoes, so I'm sure I'll come up with something. It was warm but overcast, so the farmer's market didn't feel quite so broiling as it did last weekend - and I'm v. happy to have it nearby on Sundays, even if that changes the usual schedule of getting groceries and cooking tings.

Then I came home, put away my stash, and spent most of the afternoon continuing my reread of old journals while sitting on my back patio. I probably had 1200+ pages of journals to go through from mid-2016 to now; my older journals are all in a waterproof box in the basement, and I decided not to go there either literally or figuratively. I didn't end up rereading this year because it was all quarantine all the time after the beginning of March, but the trip down an ink-stained memory lane was quite interesting / entertaining / inspiring / occasionally depressing.

At some point, I took a break to eat the quinoa salad I made last night (I added cucumbers and tomatoes to it, since I didn't have any last night, and that really took it up a notch). I also called my parents, and I wished my dad a happy father's day - he didn't go fishing or get a tie, but he was going to grill after we talked, so I guess he celebrated in traditional style. Then I made some v. tasty potatoes to go with some leftover pulled pork, wrote a blog post for my writing blog about my quinoa salad, and continued to mess around with journals.

And now, I should sleep since I have to work tomorrow - goodnight!

super duper

I had a great day, thanks for asking. I woke up and spent the morning with coffee and my journal and a bit of writing before speeding through my shower routine so that I could drive down to Colorado Springs to see Barbara. We had a lovely socially-distanced afternoon in her backyard - it was three years ago right about now that I hung out with her in Colorado Springs for a few days, so it was good to go back at the same time and see what's the same (friendship) and what's different (her dogs, who are now three instead of being new puppies, and so were v. excited to greet me but otherwise v. chill). She made an awesome salad that I'm going to have to recreate, and we had a long and lovely afternoon of discussing writing, friendship, family, the world, gardens, travel (or lack thereof), etc. It was good for my heart to see another writer, so hopefully we can make it happen again soon.

Then I drove home, where I threw together an impromptu dinner - I made part of a 'tabbouleh' recipe, which is in quotes because I a) used quinoa instead of bulgar, and b) didn't have cucumbers or tomatoes on hand, which are usually key ingredients. But I made the quinoa and mixed it with mint, parsley, scallions, feta, lemon juice, and olive oil, and then ate it with some leftover lemon-marinated chicken, and it was pretty delicious. I may buy some tomatoes and cucumbers at the farmer's market tomorrow and add them in belatedly, but this may have to be a standard recipe this summer.

After supper, I tidied up the kitchen, and then I spent the last couple of hours rereading some old journals. I made it from June 2016 (when I went to Provincetown, saw Ritu/Bill in Boston, and went to a Beyonce concert in NYC with Terry) to April 2017 (when I released a book and left London). I filled three whole notebooks for those ten months, so the reading has been slow going - but it's been an enjoyable trip down memory lane to find memories and realizations that I've learned / forgotten / relearned over time.

And now, while I wish I could stay up all night, it's time for bed - goodnight!

tell all my friends i'm asleep if they ask ya

I had an okay day - it wasn't amazing because it was rainy/cloudy most of the day, and so I had to cancel the socially distanced happy hour I'd planned for tonight because my patio furniture was too wet. But work was fine and pretty lowkey, and I took a break at eleven to mix up a dry rub to put on a pork shoulder. That, of course, was destined to become pulled pork later - and I have to say it turned out amazingly well. The rub was from Bruce Aidell's cookbook, although I was lacking the dried mustard - but I had all the other spices, so I decided to go for it. The pork sat in the fridge for six hours, and then I cut it into four chunks, seared them in the Instant Pot, deglazed with a bit of chicken broth, and then pressure cooked the pork for an hour (plus another twenty minutes of slow release).

That yielded some truly perfect pulled pork, which was rendered even better with some barbecue sauce that I'd bought at the farmer's market last weekend. I ate it with some leftover zucchini fritters, which was a weird mix - I should have made potatoes or cole slaw or something, but I was feeling lazy. And really, making pulled pork this way was about as easy as it could possibly be. So, I'm a fan.

Then I cleaned up my kitchen, took out my trash, took a walk around the block, etc. I also checked in on my Animal Crossing island (verdict: it's still there). Then I got sucked into a bit of twitter nonsense, but now I'm going to try to get off screens and unwind. Goodnight!

i think i'll dye my hair and i'll move to alaska

Since I stayed up too late last night, I wasn't totally in it to win it this morning - but I got up in time to make coffee and journal a bit before showering and taking my first meeting of the day. I didn't have many meetings today, which meant I had time to dial into a couple of interesting conversations about race and current events - and that kind of thing is great for taking from home, since I could watch on my TV Chromecast rather than my laptop.

So, I slogged all day (with a break to take a walk). Then I made a rather elaborate dinner - it didn't look elaborate, but I tried making zucchini fritters. First, though, I put some chicken breasts in a lemon/olive oil/garlic marinade, and as I was doing that, Terry called. So we chatted for a bit while the chicken sat in the fridge, which was perfect timing. Then I grated a bunch of zucchini (not hard with a food processor), wrung the water out of it, combined it with egg / flour / garlic / mint / feta, and fried the fritters. They didn't turn out perfectly, mostly because I think I focused too much on getting them brown and not enough on cooking them - but it was a valiant first effort. And they went really well with the lemon chicken, which did turn out perfectly and is now ready for upcoming salads and other meals.

Then, I cleaned the kitchen and played some Animal Crossing. And then I talked to Riturani, and we went deep on the issues of the day. And now, it's midnight and I really need to sleep - goodnight!

but i'm not everybody else i walk alone

Whelp. It's almost midnight and I normally would have attempted to go to bed at least an hour ago, but that wasn't in the cards tonight. Today was pretty good, though - I got up in time to meditate and write before work, and I wrote a little bit after work, so that was all a v. laudable effort. Work itself wasn't too onerous - I certainly could have made it more onerous, but I decided to slack off in the late afternoon instead.

I spent the evening finally trying to finish my taxes, and I was v. v. close to being done when Chandlord called. My reaction was basically that Loki meme where he says "you must be truly desperate to come to me for help", since she mostly wanted to talk about how much life sucks when you have to work and have no time or ability to see friends. But we ended up talking for 2.5 hours, about a wide variety of topics (including Sublime, Elizabeth Gilbert, #blacklivesmatter, the surprising wokeness of bakers, Calm, The Help, etc.), and so it really worked out for me that she was feeling desperate.

And now I need to go to bed so I can pretend to work tomorrow - goodnight!

they love you, then they hate you if you wear a crown

I suddenly hit the wall, but I had a really good day overall. I got up in time to meditate and write before work, and then I worked until around four. The benefit of working from home + the fact that I worked late last night meant that I hit 4pm and felt like I was pretty caught up, so I decided to be done - and then I could immediately transition into personal life.

So I went to the pharmacy, then went to a grocery store to see if they had the things that I wasn't able to get at Whole Foods yesterday. The answer to that was yes - they had plenty of chicken, and they also had garlic, cilantro, and mint, so I was in business. Then I came home, put away my groceries, and organized my basement stash to make sure I knew what was down there so that I don't keep buying unnecessary stuff (verdict: I've been pretty good so far!).

I also cooked supper, and it was pretty awesome if I do say so myself. Another advantage of working from home is that I was able to throw together a marinade at lunch time, so I had marinated some hanger steak for dinner. I also made some rice and some black beans, and then I grilled the steak (on my stove - a grill might be a task for this weekend). It all turned out pretty perfectly, but what took it to the next level was the chirmol salsa that I bought at the farmer's market this weekend. It's a Guatemalan sauce that's basically salsa with mint in it, and it was super good and perfect on the steak. So, I'm glad I stopped to talk to that vendor (the sauces are his mom's recipes), since I love to cook but am getting a little tired of making the same things I've been making recently.

After I finished eating, I called my parents and we ended up talking for awhile. Then I cleaned up the kitchen, put away some laundry, checked in on Animal Crossing, and generally messed around. And now I should probably think about going to bed - goodnight!

shot through the ceiling

I just worked too late into the evening, so hopefully that doesn't doom my sleep. Today was pretty good, all in all - I woke up in time to meditate, journal, and actually write for thirty minutes, which was v. exciting. Then I slogged until four, but I skipped out early so that I could go to the grocery store, since I hadn't accomplished that task this weekend. The grocery store was a little busier than I expected, and someone else must have wanted to make the same thing I did, because they were completely out of cilantro, garlic, mint, and chicken breasts (note: those ingredients weren't all intended for the same recipe on my end, but they're all regular components of my kitchen). But I got most of the tings I needed, so that was better than nothing.

Then I came home, put my groceries away, and made some roasted broccoli to go with the last piece of leftover chicken in my fridge - the broccoli was delicious (thanks to abundant application of olive oil and a bit of parmesan). And then I cleaned up my kitchen and spent most of the last three hours working - I was feeling quite behind on email, and now I'm not, so I guess it was #worthit.

And now I really need to get off my laptop - goodnight!

south side

I had a v. nice day today, if you ignore the apocalyptic vibe that 2020 has provided for most of the year. I let myself sleep in a little bit longer than intended, and then I made coffee, meditated, and bought some turnips (not real turnips, Animal Crossing turnips). Then I went to a farmer's market (real market, not Animal Crossing market). In the summer, there is a Sunday farmer's market a few blocks from my house, and they've opened up with some restrictions in place due to coronavirus. There are fewer vendors, and everyone is wearing masks - but there were quite a few people there at ten, although people didn't seem to be lingering and the stalls couldn't hand out free samples like they did last year.

I threw more money at sauces than was strictly necessary, but the sauce purveyors looked like they could use the business. I'd planned to get barbecue sauce (which I procured and am looking forward to testing), but I also picked up a couple of mediterranean-type sauces (a romesco and something green), and a couple of Guatemalan hot sauces / salsas. I also bought a bag of gluten free pasta that looked interesting, a package of brats because the seller was really entertaining, and a vacuum-sealed pack of corn tortillas that looked way better than what I can get at the grocery store. And I bought some produce, which is what I was really there for. So, all in all it was a v. productive twenty minutes, and now I have a bunch of tasty new stuff to try - which is great, because I'm tired of cooking my usual stuff.

Then I came home, put away my haul, and reheated some chicken to eat with the last of my eggplant tricolore. While I was eating, I talked to Barbara - we were supposed to talk at one, but neither of us were being productive, so we moved it up. It was great to chat with another writer after a v. long hiatus (I've somehow let friend zooms die since I went to Iowa, which is odd) and I think we may try to see each other in a backyard next weekend if things still feel safe then.

Then I spent the afternoon messing around my house and planting the petunias and calibrachoa that I bought on Friday. I should have planted the ground cover that I bought as well, but by the time I was ready to do it, it was 90+ degrees and the spot they go in was in full sun, so I decided to spare my shoulders and my hydration levels. Instead, I cleaned off my patio, called my parents, and then called [censored]. I hung up on him somewhat abruptly when he got to his house, since I realized it was after six and I was nowhere close to having supper ready - so I threw together a frittata. I think I got my egg to milk ratio off, mostly because I cracked seven eggs in a row that were double-yolked - whether that means great luck or terrible luck, I don't know, but it was certainly a weird development.

At some point in there, I talked to Katie, then cleaned up my kitchen, and then spent the last ninety minutes taking care of personal office-type tasks. And now I desperately need to sleep - goodnight!

with my bloodshot eyes and my shaky hands

So, after I proclaimed that I was going to go to bed last night, I stayed up reading until two. Oops. So, this morning was not a particularly productive one - I stayed in bed until 9:30 (although the dozing was fitful). Then I ordered a coffee for the first time since quarantine (well, second time, if you count a McDonald's coffee in Iowa) - I was close to out of coffee beans and wanted to try someplace local rather than ordering from Philz, and someone at work had recommended Huckleberry Roasters. So I placed an order online for beans + an iced coffee, and they were waiting for me when I pulled up. I would have much rather hung out on their patio with my coffee and my journal, but if you're going to quarantine, this is a good way to do it.

Then I came home and hung out on my own patio with my journal and my meditation app instead. I also made lunch (sweet potato hash from the freezer + a couple of eggs) and took a look at the plants I bought yesterday, but I didn't plant them. Instead, I had to shower and get ready - I was invited to a socially distanced birthday party for Kelly, and even though I was feeling v. lethargic I decided to rally and go.

The party was fun overall, but I'm glad I went early and left relatively early - it was sprinkling off and on, which meant we were more inside than outside, which made me vaguely uneasy. There was no reason to think that anyone or thing was particularly risky, since no one there is going into an office or other high-density setting, and there were approx ten people total - but I didn't know everyone well, and when another couple showed up who I didn't know at all, I decided I was done.

Still, it was really nice to get out of the house, and I mostly talked to Kelly and her husband + Kristen and her boyfriend. I hadn't seen Kristen since sometime in April and she left my company recently, so it was great to catch up with her. It's a shame that this is all keeping people apart, especially since this was supposed to be the summer where I actually tried to make friends and explore more of what Denver has to offer...but as always, it could be worse.

Then I came home, spent too much time reading twitter, and ordered sushi for dinner. I'm close to out of groceries, but the farmer's market on my street is opening tomorrow, so I thought I'd save my shopping for that. Still, I was super tired...so tired that I put on my nightgown, dragged a bunch of cookbooks and notebooks upstairs, and crawled into bed before eight to read / scribble / daydream. That made for an unusual Saturday night, but I'll take it.

And now it's time to sleep in bed instead of read in it - goodnight!

will it be the last time the sentinels come back

I just realized it's midnight and I should go to bed if I want to accomplish everything on my list tomorrow. Today was fine - I had a couple of moments of bleakness early, mostly because I had no desire to work. But I did my meditation/journal/coffee ritual outside, which was delightful. And work wasn't all bad, just slightly bad. And then I skipped out a little after four and went to a greenhouse, where I picked up some plants and planters to give myself something fun to do this weekend. We'll see how I do with this - I probably bought more plants than I needed, but I want to liven up the front yard beds with some ground cover, and I want to add some color to the backyard with some annuals.

So, with that accomplished, I came home, ate supper (leftover lemon chicken + eggplant), put away some laundry, tidied up my bedroom, and generally relaxed. I also talked to my parents, messed around with my planner and played some Animal Crossing. And now, I think it's time for bed - goodnight!

another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door

Today was great, although I got sucked into doing yet another presentation - it was another variant of the one I did yesterday, but someone else on the team was supposed to do it to spread the load. But he chickened out at the last minute and said I was better prepped than him, so asked me to do it instead. In his defense, he was on kid duty today and so it was probably better for me to do it since his kids kept interrupting him - but still, I was pretty sure this audience was going to be particularly tough and I had been looking forward to him getting murdered instead of me.

However, I survived and emerged mostly unscathed, so I guess it went well. I also had a bunch of other meetings, but I meditated and journaled outside this morning (lovely!), then ate lunch outside, and I also took a walk around the block while my dinner was cooking, and then I read outside. It was a pretty idyllic day outside, obviously, and my patio stays nice almost all the time anyway because it's pretty perfectly shaded most of the day.

My last meeting was with the guy who threw the presentation to me at the last minute, and we decided to have that meeting while also having an adult beverage, so my day ended with a cold moscow mule and hot gossip. Then I baked some lemon chicken, and I also took out all my trash/recycling/compost and did two loads of laundry and ran the dishwasher. I ended the evening by reading a few chapters of THE CHIFFON TRENCHES by André Leon Talley - Talley is in his seventies, and was an incredibly influential fashion columnist and tastemaker for decades. I weirdly like fashion and know a lot about designers despite the fact that I'm currently wearing ratty old gym shorts and a shirt with a hole in it, so I'm v. much enjoying the gossip he's spilling about Karl Lagerfeld, Yves Saint Laurent, and a ton of other fashion types. But because he was a columnist for so long, he's also an excellent writer - and interspersed with the fashion anecdotes (people did a lot of drugs in the seventies) are some really traumatic personal anecdotes, which makes for a really interesting and surprising read.

And now I need to sleep - goodnight!

and now i'm searching through these carousels and the carnival arcades

I had another VP presentation today, so the day job kind of consumed my life. Luckily this one was minor and someone else made the slides, so it could have been worse. And I got enough sleep last night, managed to meditate and journal before work, etc. Unfortunately I didn't have time to cook anything proper for dinner, but I made a tuna sandwich while cooking eggplant to eat tomorrow, so I'll take that as a win.

And now, after a v. boring day, it's time for bed - goodnight!

young girl, hustling, on the other side of the ocean

I had a v. long day of working - I think the surprise presentation to the VP went well, but it was a lot to get ready for on top of all my other normal job stuff. Luckily I was able to meditate before work, but that wasn't totally enough to save me. So, when I was done a little after six, I was done done...and rather than cooking, I ordered takeout from El Camino. That meant chips and guac, a margarita, and some enchiladas, and I have leftovers for lunch tomorrow.

Then I took care of a wide variety of personal tings, and I should probably do more....but I believe I'd be better served by going to bed instead. Goodnight!

are you listening

No blog tonight - I had a bit of existential dread this morning and didn't want to work, but I managed to get plenty of sleep and then meditate / journal / drink coffee before my first meeting, so I rallied. I weirdly worked until almost seven, which has been unusual lately - I got dragged into doing a presentation for a VP tomorrow that I thought wouldn't happen for another month, so needless to say that took some prep work.

Then I picked up a pizza from Blue Pan and exercised extreme restraint by only eating half of it and saving the other half for tomorrow. And then I pretty much did nothing, despite intending to do something. and now I'm going to go to bed - goodnight!

with a little sweet and simple numbing me

So, after I blogged and said I was going to go to bed last night, I decided to peek at a book on my phone to decide if it was something I would want to read today...and I would say that I mostly did read it today, because I then accidentally stayed up until 3am and read the whole thing. For my records, it was A PRINCESS IN THEORY, and it had a cute premise - the girl was a grad student who kept getting emails from a supposed African prince saying that she was his betrothed, which she obviously thought was a scam, but it was true. I liked the first half, thought the ending was rushed, but overall obviously liked it enough to sacrifice my sleep.

Needless to say, I was quite groggy this morning - I got out of bed around nine, which was less than six hours of sleep (and not all of that was perfect). I spent the morning moving slowly and drinking coffee while meditating / making lists / tidying up. I spent quite a bit of the afternoon dealing with weeds - real weeds for once, not the ones in Animal Crossing. The patch of weeds behind my back gate (which I rarely use, since I keep it padlocked and usually go out through my garage) had sprung up taller than my head while I was in Iowa, and the rock beds along the side of my garage + the north side of my house had some fairly substantial weed action going as well. So I chopped down all the weeds in the back, and then weeded the rock beds by hand. It's looking a lot better; my next outdoor task is to get some better ground cover plants for some parts of my front yard and possibly get a container or two of flowers, but we'll see whether I get ambitious enough to deal with it.

Then I talked to my parents, and then I took a shower to get rid of all the grime from being out among the weeds. After that, I heated up some leftover pork chop / twice baked potato / green beans, and then I talked to [censored] for awhile. And now, my heart wants to read but my body is trying to convince me to go to bed at a reasonable hour so that I can have a good day tomorrow....decisions, decisions. Goodnight!

it's been a hell of a ride

This was my first weekend day at home in three weeks, and it was almost too lazy and boring. It didn't help that I woke up in the middle of the night with cramps, but I managed to get back to sleep at some point.

I spent the morning with coffee and my desk and some budgeting/financial stuff. Then I showered and ran to the grocery store. For brunch I reheated some sweet potato and sausage hash - I'd made a big batch of it a few weeks ago, and freezing it in single servings works incredibly well and doesn't taste frozen at all when you crisp it up in a skillet. I topped it with two eggs and then ate it while talking to Alice - we were supposed to have a happy hour but I didn't feel like drinking in the middle of the day, so we just chatted for a bit before saying our farewells.

I was pretty lazy the rest of the afternoon, since it stormed and most of what I wanted to do was outside. I had a long call with my friendship renewal crew, which was great. And I made a pork chop and green beans and a leftover twice-baked potato for dinner, which was also delicious. And then I ended the night by rereading a manuscript and debating how to proceed...but that's a problem for tomorrow. Goodnight!

in the candy store

Nothing interesting to report today - I had some meetings, some heavy conversations about the impact of current events and racial injustice on my coworkers, and some general work to get done, but I wrapped up around 5:30. The last meeting was a happy hour / catch up with a woman who is on maternity leave, so at least that felt social. Then I ate dinner and spent most of the evening messing around with my phone, which somehow fucked itself up with an update - I ended up having to factory reset it, which was really not how I wanted to spend my evening.

So, on that incredibly boring note, it's time for bed - goodnight!

jack and coke soaked in my bones

Today felt long, even though it wasn't bad...but I wasn't feeling particularly productive, which made my meetings all feel just slightly more annoying. When I was done at the end of the day, I spent more time than I wanted to making tings in the kitchen - I decided to make twice-baked potatoes, which I really enjoy and like to have in the freezer for future meals. While those were cooking, I also poached some chicken, cooked extra bacon, and boiled eggs for cobb salads. This was all a good idea and I'll be grateful for it later, but today it meant that I got multiple pans, knives, cutting boards, etc dirty and had to do more cleanup than I like to do, especially on work nights.

But cooking was good overall, and while I cooked I watched a speech given by a scifi author - he was speaking "at Stanford", but that really meant over Zoom. It was cosponsored by my major department (which is why I knew about it, since they sent a list to their alumni group) and the creative writing department, about the difference between science and magic in creative writing. The topic was v. interesting to me since that's a theme of my off-again/on-again young adult fantasy; I would say the talk wasn't quite what I expected, but it was interesting enough to think about while I cooked.

Then I ate dinner, messed around, played some Animal Crossing (turnip prices are lookin' good!) and now it's time for bed. Goodnight!

crazy's my new best friend

I haven't slept well the last couple of nights, so I really need to head upstairs asap. Today was good, though, all in all. I got up and showered in time for some slogging, which took up my whole day. Then I ran a quick errand downtown to pick up some books that I'd ordered from Tattered Cover - they're located somewhat close to the capitol, but I ordered the books last week when the only thing I thought I'd be dealing with this week was quarantine and not an additional curfew on top of the quarantine.

But the drive wasn't bad - probably way better than it would normally be around rush hour during the week. Civic Center Park was full of people, but it looked more like a party than a protest (if you wear face masks to a party). Most of the businesses around there had boarded up their windows, and I'm sure there are more protests to come, but in late afternoon, at least, it looked almost, but not quite, normal.

Then I came home and dusted off my back patio couch just in time for Katie to come over. We hadn't seen each other in person for awhile, so it was wonderful that she came over - we had a lot to discuss, both about world affairs and about, to a much more intriguing but less important degree, the gossip from our small town. We sat on my patio and drank rose, and then we ordered takeout, and it was all divine.

But now I really need to go to bed - goodnight!

the mysterious sound of the sea

I didn't want to work today....I didn't get enough sleep, since I woke up at six and got too sucked into my phone, and then that didn't put me in the best mood. But I journaled while drinking my first cup of coffee, and then I spent the day slogging. By 5:30 I was ready to sign off, so I came downstairs, made some coconut rice from the Burma Superstar cookbook, and reheated some coconut chicken curry that I'd pulled out of the freezer. The frozen curry was just as great as it was when I made it, so this is clearly something I need to make again.

While I was doing that, I finished putting away the stuff I'd hauled in from my car after getting back from Iowa, folded some laundry, and did a variety of other household tasks. And now I'm going to unwind and hopefully be in bed within the next 20-30mins so that I can get up and be productive tomorrow. Goodnight!

can't sleep no more, it's a perfect storm

Well, today was awful. I normally stay mostly apolitical and mostly unemotional here, but this is ultimately my blog, and I would not be true to myself if I didn't say some of what I'm feeling.

And what I'm feeling is: "I fucking warned you that Trump will risk pushing us into an authoritarian nightmare."

Using tear gas to clear out peaceful protestors (including a priest at the church) before curfew so that he could take a fucking photo is just another step towards normalizing using force against civilians who are protesting him. And it's not a coincidence that the world leaders he most praises are "strong" men like Putin, Kim, Erdogan, etc.

When someone tells you who they are, believe them. When Trump agitates for violent responses against "blue states", believe him. And even if he doesn't send troops, he's got plenty of "lone wolf" supporters who will do it for him...which is going to make for a long, hot summer.

But those of you who agree with me don't need an I told you so. Those who don't agree think I don't know what I'm talking about -- despite the fact that I spent two years researching a whole fucking honors thesis about totalitarianism. I could tell you all about the fascist playbooks used to drum up fear of communism + co-opt most of the German evangelical church into supporting Hitler outright (because they were anti-semitic) or reluctantly (because they thought he was the lesser of two evils, since communism is *clearly* more evil than murdering people because of their race). I could tell you how fear of communism was one factor in fascism taking root (racist anti-Semitism and "economic anxiety", plus a desire to make Germany great again being the others). I could tell you how Hitler used every opportunity to frame the communists for violence, which gave him a public mandate to destroy them. And by the time he was done with that, he'd consolidated power so completely that there was no one left to do anything about it.

Which, half of you will see as a clear corollary to today, and half of you will say I've got completely backwards.

But like I said, half of you are already aware, and the other half will dismiss all of this... despite the fact that I've, quite literally and without exaggeration, spent more time reading about, researching, and writing about totalitarianism and the descent into authoritarianism than anyone who reads my blog. We are as close to that abyss as we've been at any point in the last fifty years. And I'm feeling increasingly convinced that we're not going to make it to the election without some major violence, beyond what's happening now. Today had a very Reichstag fire feel, which is not something I ever thought I'd say.

So, I'm going to bed. It's not a good night and I'm not going to pretend it is.